Sense and Flexibility
by Roarkshop
Summary: The story of Garrus and Femshep as told by me. Lots of off-canon. Sequels incoming. TW: It's been brought to my attention that some of Garrus' more animalistic behavior in some scenes have caused panic attacks for victims of abuse. I am so sorry for anyone who had a similar reaction. SO sorry. I would like to make any new readers aware of this beforehand. Thank you.
1. The Beginning

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**_(Updated 1/1/12)_  
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* * *

><p>"Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian," he said with a slight, respectful, nod. Garrus was no xenophobe, but the First Contact War hadn't been long ago and the stereotypes about humans existed for a reason. As was apparent by their gunning for a human specter. Councilor would be next, no doubt. He didn't so much have a problem with humans, but most he'd met were over ambitious, demanding respect even if it hadn't been earned, and most of all, did not like turians. So when he saw the human specter candidate approaching him with her two Alliance lackies, his mandibles twitched with irritation. But, he had heard stories about her, far be it for him to disrespect her. "I'm the C-sec officer in charge of the investigation on Saren."<p>

"You must really want to catch him," she said, sinking into a hip and crossing her arms. Her head motioned in the direction his boss had left in, obviously referring the conversation that had just ended.

"Damn right, Saren's hiding something. I couldn't find enough evidence in my investigation; he's a specter so everything he touches is classified. But he's dirty, I know it. Like you humans say, I can feel it in my gut."

She was silent as her eyes traveled from his eyes, down to his toes, and back up again. He imagined this was what a slab of meat on a butchers table felt like. Suddenly he felt like he hadn't done enough, like his effort was insufficient. He bunched his hands into fists anticipating reproach from the human Commander.

"I think they're ready for us, Commander," the man behind her interrupted. She nodded without taking her eyes off the turian.

"Good luck, Commander. Maybe they'll listen to you," Garrus offered as she started to walk past him. She put a metal hand on his shoulder and made eye contact with him, a sad smile on her lips. And without her saying a word, he understood that she already knew what he knew. For whatever reason, he felt the need to apologize to her as he watched the three of them walk away, but opted to stay quiet. The other female looked back at him with a sneer.

The Commander had barely spoken to him, but she had touched him like they were comrades. That was unexpected. Humans usually avoided touching him, or any turian for that matter. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember ever seeing a human touch any other species, except the Asari, of course. He decided he would reserve judgment on her for now, considering the unique first impression.

Not to mention the sudden shame he felt. He didn't know why he cared about some human Commander's opinion, but the way she had looked at him was...troubling. He suddenly felt the need to _do _something.

* * *

><p>It was only a few hours later when he saw her again; In a hostage situation with Dr. Michele, of all places. He was crouched behind a pillar, listening to the merc threaten the doctor when Shepard and her humans whooshed the clinic door open. He'd never seen a human arm themselves so fast. She made eye contact with Garrus and a smirk crept across her face.<p>

"Freeze right where you are," she shouted, as the man turned to put the doctor against his chest, his gun pointed at the intruder. Garrus took the opportunity to turn around the corner and send a bullet through the side of his head. Three more, who were in the back of the room, raised their guns, but Garrus put a round between the eyes of the nearest one. In a flash of crimson, Shepard dove over the counter, wrapping her arms around the doctor and crashing to the floor with her behind one of the crates against the wall. Her team barely had time to react before he had head-shotted the last two mercs.

He went to the two women as Shepard was helping the doctor up. Both seemed completely unharmed, the doctor only mildly shaken.

"Thank you," the doctor said. "Both of you."

Dr. Michelle went on to tell Shepard about the quarian who had damning evidence on Saren, and how Fist, a local crime lord, was a fool for having crossed The Shadow Broker, the infamous information broker. Shepard thanked the doctor and turned to leave, patting Garrus on the shoulder and nodding at him as she left.

"Commander wait," he said, before he even knew what he was going to say. She turned to him, sank into her hip and crossed her arms again, giving him that appraising eye. "I uh... I know this is your show but I want to catch Saren as bad as you do, let me come with you."

The pause before she spoke seemed endless. Her piercing green eyes studying his face. For what though, he had no idea. "You're a turian. Make me believe you want to bring him down."

"He's betrayed the Council and he's a _disgrace_ to my people. I couldn't prove it, but I know what's really going on. And if I don't get a chance to bring him down, and he gets away with whatever he's planning that's on _my _head. That's _my _failure._"_

He didn't mean to have sounded as angry as he did. He also didn't like the idea of following a human's lead on _his_ investigation. But Specters had no red tape to bog them down, and he might actually be able to get something done.

"Can you follow orders, Detective?" she asked.

"I'm a turian," was all he said. It was common knowledge that almost all turian enrolled in the military, and following orders was a critical part of their training. Good turian's follow even _bad _orders. He was never a very good turian, but she didn't need to know that until after they'd caught Saren.

"That's not what I asked you," she said, much to his surprise. She closed the gap between them, bringing her arms down to her sides. "You may be one for stereotypes but I, most certainly, am not. I don't care what color you are, what planet you're from, or how many _fingers_ you've got," she punctuated the word by poking him hard in the chest. "Can. You. Follow. Orders?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he said. He didn't even mean to say it. It just came out that way. Like a reflex.

"Then let me make one thing clear," she pointed at the shivering doctor with one hand and pulled him down by the collar of his armor until he was eye level with her with the other. "That will be the _last_ time you endanger an innocent civilian like that. Do you read me?"

Stunned silence.

"Do you _read _me, Vakarian?"

"Affirmative." Damn it. Again. His mandibles clicked territorially, but his military training ran deep. Garrus wondered if she brought out the soldier in everyone, if that was how she rocketed through the ranks like she did. She bared her teeth at him, and he almost did the same, but her lips upturned and he realized she was smiling at him, not threatening. She patted him on the side of the shoulder again.

"Welcome aboard, Detective. Let's nail this son of a bitch, hmm?" She turned to walk away, picking up the rifle she had dropped to get the doctor out of the line of fire. And it was only then that he noticed the blood dripping off the fingers of her armor. How could he have not seen? She didn't act like she was hurt at all, but now that he looked he saw the hole through the back of her shoulder armor. A hole that might have gone through the doctor, if not for her. He felt like a fool.

The male human glared at him while rifling through his pack for medi-gel and handing it to the Commander. She batted it away. "Jesus Alenko," she said. "I got shot, I'm not missing a limb."

Alenko almost looked like he was pouting as he tucked the packet back into his satchel and fell in step behind her.

_Well_, Garrus thought. _I'm certainly sold_.

* * *

><p>They went and recruited a krogan mercenary, Wrex, that was also trying to get to the crime lord they were all after. Once Fist had been dealt with, they fought their way to the quarian. Tali'Zorah Nar'Raya was her name. Garrus found that he kept watching The Commander. Not just taking note of her, considerable, combat ability but, observing the odd ways she would move, the way she would touch people, trying to pinpoint what it was about her presence that was so profound. There was an undeniable power in her and Garrus realized she was either extremely fascinating, or extremely dangerous.<p>

Upon finding the quarian, Shepard's immediate concern was her safety. Not the evidence she needed or if it was still in tact, but whether or not the girl was alright. This alien she had never met, and who belonged to a species typically known to be sneaky or thieving, was her first priority. She wasn't kidding when she said she wasn't one for stereotypes.

Udina was a vile little varren of a man. Garrus decided rather quickly that he disliked the human Ambassador, and was curious why someone as obviously powerful as Jane Shepard was putting forth so much effort to be respectful to him. The more indignant the Ambassador was to her, the more he could hear her breath forcing itself from her throat and her heartbeat increasing. She obviously didn't care for him either, but was trying very hard to hide it.

"Very well," The Ambassador droned. "Shepard, gather your team and meet me in the tower so we can show this to the council. I will set up the meeting immediately," he said, already walking out of the room. After he and the Alliance Captain had left, Shepard exhaled a large breath and rubbed the back of her neck.

"God, I hate that guy," she said in a harsh whisper, obviously talking to herself rather than anyone in particular. She turned around and her eyes scanned the congregation of people behind her. "Chief, Alenko, you're dismissed for now. Get some rest."

"You don't want us to come with you, Commander?" the man asked.

"No. Who knows where this cluster-fuck is going to take us. I need the crew rested. Report back to the Normandy."

"Aye, Aye, Skipper," Williams said. The two saluted her, then turned and headed out of the room.

"So what do you say," she asked the remaining squad. "Shall we head to the tower?"

"Us?" Garrus asked, motioning a hand between Wrex and himself. "You want us to go with you?"

"And why shouldn't I?" she said, sinking into a hip. "It's always nice to have someone as intimidating as Wrex around. Plus I figure, out of all of you no one's going to enjoy watching me shove this evidence down the Council's collective throats more than you."

He laughed.

* * *

><p>He had never been to a meeting with the Council before, he had only been bogged down with their regulations and politics. While it was satisfying to watch them eat their words and revoke Saren's specter status, they still refused to see facts. Not surprising. Though they did yield and made Shepard the first human specter. If someone was going to step up as specter, he was glad it was someone who obviously cared more about people than policies.<p>

"Bastard didn't even thank you," Wrex grumbled, referring to Udina's hasty retreat from the meeting.

"Thank me for what? Doing my job? That's like thanking you for being ugly," she said. The three of them had a good laugh as they headed out of the tower and elected to go their separate ways now that the job was done.

"It's been a pleasure, Commander," Garrus said, as she shook his hand.

"I'm sure we'll be seeing each other in the future, Detective Vakarian."

"I look forward to it, Ma'am," he said. As he headed back to his apartment, he couldn't help but feel satisfied with himself. He was sure to catch some flack for disobeying a direct order from Pallin, but in that moment he didn't care. He had done something right, something important, and it felt good.

He was almost sad to be going back to the world of paper-work and boundaries the next morning. Almost idly he thought he might have made the wrong choice turning down the specter training like his father had told him to. But he was back in the world of C-sec. His fathers world. He did, however, receive high praise for his work from his acquaintances.

The extranet screen beamed with her face as everyone watched her being interviewed on the case and being the first human specter. With a pat on the back from everyone in the room, he settled on a desk to watch.

"I am unable to comment on the identity of the rogue specter at this time," she said. "But I didn't do it alone, I couldn't have done it without Garrus Vakarian, Tali'zorah Nar'raya, Urdnot Wrex, and the crew of the SSV Normandy. This win belongs to all of them."

Everyone in the room cheered when she said Garrus' name and he couldn't help but chuckle as everyone shouted at him. Sharing the glory. She continued to surprise him.

He got bombarded with questions and comments after that. _How did you end up convincing her to bring you along, can she fight, was she as nice as she seems?_

"She looks scary," an asari woman said.

"She looks smokin' hot is what she looks," A human man said.

"I'd have to agree on that one," said another.

Garrus looked up at the screen, still beaming her vibrant green eyes and flame colored hair. He was surprised to find that she was attractive to the males of her species. Usually the men in the office preferred the soft squishy asari with their overly exaggerated curves and soft round faces. Soft round everything, now that he thought about it. Shepard wasn't those things. She was lean and she was sharp. Though, he supposed, her facial features were rather soft. Garrus obviously wasn't attracted to her but now that he looked, he could definitely see how she fit into the context of beauty for humans. Though he suspected it was her sudden power, not her character, that made her attractive to the men in the room.

"She could order me around _any_ time," one man said.

"What was she like Garrus?" asked a woman.

He didn't really know what to say to that. So he just told them the truth.

"She brings out the soldier in you."

"I bet she made you _stand at attention,_ eh?" the man next to him said, nudging him in the ribs with his elbow and raising his eyebrows.

"No, actually. She turned out to be rather casual." He had known what they meant, but didn't feel like indulging them. These men were part of her species and even _they_ were being disrespectful. The one human he thought actually earned the respect she was given, and these humans still talked as if they were better than her, like she was just another object. He was trying to figure out why that irritated him so much when Inspector Pallin burst out of his office.

"Vakarian," his superiors voice boomed, "In my office. Now."

Garrus groaned and got up from the desk. He knew this was coming. But he was publicly acclaimed now, so surely the punishment couldn't be too harsh, right? As he entered the room, he made sure to leave the door open since he knew Pallin wouldn't shout when everyone could hear him.

Pallin didn't sit down, just leaned his hands on his desk and seemed to look past Garrus at the wall.

"So," he said. "Quite a show, Garrus."

"Yeah," Garrus replied as he sat down, not wanting to say anymore than he needed to.

"Well, you went and got yourself reassigned."

"Reassigned?" Garrus said, astounded. "I go and prove a specter's gone rogue and I get punished?"

"It's not punishment. It wasn't my choice, Vakarian."

"Oh? Then whose _was_ it?"

"Mine," came a third voice along with the sound of the door shutting behind him. The gust of wind it gave off made a vaguely familiar scent hit him. He turned around as the closing door revealed her, leaning against the wall with a smirk.

Commander Jane Shepard.

"Commander?" was all he could think to say, as he stood to face her.

"I've got lives to save," she said as she approached him. "A rogue specter to hunt, and no time to waste. Think you're up to the task, Vakarian?"

"You bet your ass, Ma'am," he said with a grin.

She held her hand out to him, which he gladly shook.

"Glad to hear it, Vakarian. Don't forget that sexy rifle of yours."


	2. Development

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>"Arrival at Fero's in 20 minutes, Commander," Joker crackled over the speakers.<p>

The elevator doors didn't even have to open for him to know she was coming. Her scent traveled much faster than her. The citrus of her hair mixed with the earthy musk of her skin.

"Chief Williams, Vakarian" she called from the open elevator doors.

"Skipper," Williams called back.

"Commander," he replied at the same time.

"Suit up, ladies, we have things to shoot," she said, closing the elevator doors and heading back up.

Garrus smiled to himself as he started stepping into his armor. It had only been a few weeks but they had already settled into a nice rhythm of playfully jabbing each other. None of that would have ever flown on a turian vessel. Not with the Commanding Officer, anyway. Even with that, though, he was surprised that he was tagging along on their first big mission. She had taken him and the krogan and Tali'Zorah out on a few rescue missions before this, but Garrus just thought that was to see what they could all really do in a combat situation, or to make them feel useful on an Alliance vessel.

Perhaps the aliens on the crew weren't just a public relations stunt like he had originally thought. Maybe, just maybe, she actually wanted them there.

Apparently the young Gunnery Chief was just as surprised Garrus got invited to go, as she was glaring at him while she clasped her armor together. Suffice it to say it was an awkward elevator ride.

* * *

><p>"What the hell was that?" Garrus asked, covered in some kind of green glop from shooting one of the converted colonists.<p>

"The Thorian has turned them into some sort of zombies?" Williams said.

"I suppose it could be worse," Shepard said, shaking the goop off one of her boots.

"And how's that?"

"I don't know. I suppose they could have guns?"

Garrus laughed as they opened the hangar door, just to get shot at by some mind-controlled colonists, making them dive behind cover.

"You just had to open your mouth didn't you, Commander?" Garrus teased.

"Well I can't just stand around being pretty," she said as she fired off a stream of bullets into the creatures. "Careful," she said as they hid from the gunfire. "Don't hurt the colonists."

"This is a little more important that a few colonists, Commander. We need to hurry and take out that Thorian," Williams protested. Regardless that Garrus agreed with her, he was shocked that she spoke out against a direct order.

"Your opinion has been noted and just as quickly disregarded, Chief. You shoot the colonists and I leave you here."

"Aye, Aye, Skipper," she said moving in, but not happy.

"Vakarian; Williams and I will take care of the creepers, I need you to keep pressure on the colonists so they stay in cover. I don't want them getting any of that acid spit on them."

"Affirmative," he said, firing at the wall just behind the colonists, making them duck behind the crates. It was a lot of extra effort for a few colonists, but he had the feeling she wouldn't budge on it. It was one of the first things she said to him, about taking shots at innocent civilians.

* * *

><p>"This..." Garrus said as the three of them stood there, aghast, staring at the giant Thorian. "Was not covered by my C-sec training."<p>

"That does not look like any plant I've ever seen," Shepard said, staring up at the horrendous thing. "This may be... Problematic."

Taking out the Thorian proved difficult, every time they would shoot one of its tendrils, a wave of creepers would crash on them. Williams had moved in too fast, thinking she could get them all, but didn't see the one closing from behind her. Just as it started to spray acid onto her armor, Garrus took it down. She was burned pretty bad on her neck, but not nearly as bad as it would have been if Garrus hadn't shot it in the gullet in time. She was grateful, but you wouldn't know it by looking at her.

The colonists all thanked Shepard for knocking them out instead of shooting them, after the Thorian was destroyed. Even the asari that had been sacrificed was grateful. Shepard kept them back longer to help get the colony back on track, getting the water and power cells back, helping get the food supplies going again, taking out the rest of the geth so they could rebuild. The colonists were all rejoicing when they returned. The merchant there offered them anything in his stock as thanks.

"I'm good," she said, thanking him. "But if you've got a rifle in there worth a damn that doesn't overheat after every shot I know a turian who pops his heat sink too fast," she taunted, pointing a thumb over her shoulder at Garrus.

"You swore you would never tell anyone about that," Garrus said. "You said it happens to _lots_ of snipers."

The two of them snickered and he nudged the Commander in the shoulder with the butt of his rifle.

The salarian merchant obviously did not catch on, but did have a superior rifle for the turian.

* * *

><p>Garrus was surprised how quickly their friendship manifested. She was impossible not to get along with. Funny, powerful, full of life and energy. Garrus never had a lot of friends, never really had the time or the patience. But her patience seemed endless. Every day she rounded the ship and checked in on everyone from the engineers to the pilot. The humans on the ship all seemed to revere her, save the pilot who always had something snarky to say. The rest seemed in awe of her every time she spoke to them. He understood the sentiment, but she had paid him the compliment of talking to him like he was any other crew member, so he gave her the same courtesy.<p>

She seemed to have longer conversations with the aliens aboard than the rest of the crew. Asking questions about the past, present, future. She actually seemed to care, like she wanted to get to know them better. He actually caught the quarian and her sitting in the mess hall together, laughing like sisters. And, though the krogan was a man of few words she would goad him into conversations on the other side of the deck.

"Shepard," Wrex would say by way of greeting.

"Wrex," she'd say in reply, crossing her arms.

And it would go on like that until the krogan would finally crack and have a conversation with her. She couldn't have been hard pressed for friends, but still every day she made the effort. She was nothing but respectful to everyone until they were out of line. She was unlike any Commander he'd ever known.

He decided he definitely liked her.

"I'm concerned about all the _aliens_ aboard the ship," Williams addressed, for something like the hundredth time one night. She had said it louder than she needed to, obviously unaware of Garrus' superior hearing, wanting to make sure he heard it.

"This again, Williams? Really? This is what you had to talk to me about?" Shepard rubbed her eyes with one hand, putting the other on her hip. It was like every time the girl thought of a new reason not to trust the aliens aboard, she had to bring it up. Shepard was really getting tired of it.

"Commander, this is the most advanced ship in the Alliance fleet, do you really think-"

"Ah ah" Shepard interrupted, wagging a finger. "This is a Council vessel now, Williams. So it's the most advanced ship in Council space. And do you know _wwwwhhhhyyy_ it's the most advanced?"

Garrus couldn't help but laugh softly at the patronizing tone she had taken. Like she was talking to a school child.

"N-No ma'am?"

"Because the turians helped us build it. That's why. Both our technologies, mingling together. You gotta let this go. We are stronger as one whole rather than alone. And whatever your personal feelings on the matter, they are staying. So build bridges, catch more flies with honey, yadda yadda yadda." That whole last part about bridges and honey was lost on Garrus.

"Still. This is still an Alliance crew. There are Alliance secrets to be had here. There are-"

"Enough!" she said coldly, a severity overtaking her tone. "I have had enough with your rampant xenophobia, you have made me fully aware of it every chance you've gotten. It has been noted, cataloged, and filed away in the 'Problems-Ashley-Has-With-The-Aliens' folder." She sighed, tired of the conversation. "You're a great soldier, Williams, but you are turning out to be a really crappy person."

"Commander, I didn't mean any offense."

"Yes you did. You just didn't mean to offend _me._ But guess what? Those _aliens_, you're so afraid of are my crew. All of them. The quarian, the turian, and the talking battleship over there. And if I recall, Vakarian saved your skinny ass on Feros. They deserve your respect, and while I will not demand that you like them, I _will_ demand that you keep it to yourself if you don't. If you have a problem with them, you have a problem with me. Are we clear?"

"I.."

"Are we _clear?_" she asked again.

"Crystal, Skipper."

"Dismissed, Chief," she said exhaling. The Gunnery Chief saluted respectfully, then stormed off.

Shepard waited until Williams was in her quarters before exhaling a large breath and rolling her neck in frustration, making her way back to the elevator passed where Garrus was working. "I see you're still hard at work," she said to him.

"Right, well, someone had to watch the show," he said, his mandibles clicking happily.

"You heard all of that?"

"Aye, Commander."

"Ugh," she pulled on the back of her neck with her hands. "I swear to god, Vakarian I'm like a god damn baby sitter. Williams is afraid of aliens, Kaiden follows me everywhere I go, Wrex wants to eat or break everything, Joker keeps trying to get the Chief and I to make out, Tali talks so fast about engines and turbines I can hardly understand her, and all the women on the crew giggle and chatter like idiots over the Lieutenant and fail to get the hint that I don't give a good god _damn_ who gets in their pants as long as I don't have to hear about it! When I was a child I didn't dream about commanding a starship manned by _children_!" She ended the rant with a groan, then taking a deep breath. Garrus just listened, endlessly entertained.

"Feel better?" he offered with a grin.

"Yes. Much," she said smiling.

"Did you get it all out?"

"Yeah I think I pretty much covered it. And don't look so smug, the women on the ship all seem to be equally infatuated with you and your 'cold killing machine' persona you have going on."

"What can I say," he said, his eyes filled with laughter, crossing his arms. "There's not much I can do about being irresistible cross-species." She laughed, and rubbed her eyes again.

"Sometimes I feel like you're the only one on the Normandy I can have an actual normal conversation with," she said, holding her eyes on him as if weighing a thought. She could definitely see what made all the girls on the ship go wobbly kneed over the turian; His cool stare, his cold confidence. But Shepard was just glad to have a friend. Someone she could talk to about nothing. "What are the turian military rules on fraternization, Vakarian?"

"Commander?" he asked, hoping she would clarify but she didn't. Garrus was almost disappointed. He knew that the majority of the human women on the ship sought his attentions, but he thought the Commander was better than that. And he liked her, he didn't want to have to turn her down too. "Depends on the officers, really," he said, clearing his throat. "Though superior to subordinate is usually off limits."

"Soooooo you can't come have a drink with me in the mess?" she asked, still with the same heir of confidence, but obviously hoping she wasn't offending him or crossing a boundary. Garrus was relieved that was all she had meant.

"Well," he said wiping the oil off his gloved hands with a rag. "We're not on a turian vessel, now are we?"

"That's what I'm talking about," she said as she manipulated the intercom on the wall. "Tali," she said into it. "Get your helmet out of the Drive Core and meet in the Mess on the double."

"What? Uh... y-yes, Commander. Right away," came her voice meekly back.

"Wrex," she called out, but even she could hear his snoring from there. "Ah, hell. Leave him."

The three of them sat in the, now long abandoned, Mess Hall. Garrus and Tali sharing a bottle of dextro fruit liquor, Shephard soloing a bottle of god-knows-what-kind-of-horrible-smelling-liquid. They all laughed together as Tali told a story of almost accidentally hiring a prostitute on the Citadel.

"So there I am," she said between laughing breaths. "Trying to explain to the asari that 'getting under' my suit would literally kill me, not figuratively, but she didn't actually get the point until I started explaining, step by step, how my allergic reaction would occur."

"God damn," Shepard said, tears forming in her eyes. "Your people may prepare you physically for life outside the fleet, but nothing can really prepare you for the seedy side of people."

"What about you, Shepard?" Tali asked. "You always ask me about my life on the Flotilla and my pilgrimage, but it's been five weeks now and you haven't told me anything about _your _life before the Alliance."

Garrus thought for a moment. It was true for him too. He had talked to her about his potential specter training, why he joined C-sec, life on Palaven. But, besides what he already knew about her through her files, he was surprised to realize just how little he actually knew.

"What do you want to know?" she asked before taking another drink.

"What did you do before you enlisted?"

"Survived, mostly," she said, obviously not wanting to elaborate any further, but Tali's eyes were bright with curiosity under her mask. Shepard really did like the girl, when she wasn't going off on some Drive Core tangent or another. And they had both been kind enough to share their pasts with her, so it was selfish of her to avoid doing the same. "I grew up on Earth. New York City, actually. It's a big metropolis with tall buildings everywhere, not a lot of grass or nature of any kind that hasn't been put there on purpose. I spent most of my time in libraries, reading. They were just about the only places where you didn't have to pay to go in, and it would protect you from the rain and the street crime."

"Didn't you have any family?" Tali asked. Shepard could tell that Tali was regretting following this line of inquiry, so she tried to stay as upbeat as possible.

"I, uh," she cleared her throat and raised her tone a little to seem light-hearted. "No, I didn't. At least as far as I know. I don't remember anything before the orphanage. And there wasn't enough room for all the kids in there so I eventually left, leaving my bunk to someone else who could use it." When she looked up at Tali again she could tell that the story saddened her. "Oh, don't give me that look. It really wasn't all that bad. The librarians were always very nice to me, let me stay in there as long as I wanted, some of them who I knew better let me sleep in there from time to time, even brought me breakfast in the morning, when the weather was really rough. And I got to read everything. I read about deep space and the colonies out there, the relays, the other races. At the time our knowledge on the other species was pretty limited but I absorbed as much as I could. And as soon as I was able, I joined the military."

"Impressive," Garrus rumbled. "I heard life back on Earth is pretty rough. Rougher than on Palaven, anyway, if you can stand the radiation."

"Back on the Flotilla we are told from a very young age of the crime on the streets of the other planets, and how we should feel lucky to be somewhere so safe."

"Yeah well, New York was always kind of a crime ridden place. A few hundred years ago New York was the arrival point for everyone who wanted in on the new country on my planet. So it became a crime hub really fast."

"How did you avoid getting hurt? Or killed?" Tali asked.

"Like I said I stuck close to the libraries, got my ass kicked from time to time, sure, but nothing I couldn't handle. You know what they say, 'whatever doesn't kill ya.." she laughed a little. Seemingly totally at ease with talking about, what Garrus thought, had to be a painful time in her life.

"Whatever doesn't kill you, what?" Tali asked, obviously never having heard the saying.

"Makes you stronger," Garrus helped. "It's a human saying."

"Oh, I see," Tali said.

"Why do you look so sad?" Shepard asked.

"What makes you think I'm sad?"

"I dunno... your helmet is pouting."

"My helmet?" she asked. Garrus laughed. "Well I uh, it just sounds like a sad way to grow up. Moving from place to place. Not having anyone to teach you about life or protect you."

"The streets teach you about life really fast. I probably learned the lessons better than if some loving parents tried to teach them to me." Tali and Garrus both looked at her half shocked. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's the _better_ course of action. Just the fastest. That's why I always hound your ass, Vakarian. About doing it the right way. Not just the fast way."

"I..." He drew the word out while he thought. "See your point, Commander," he said. There was silence in the room before the Commander chirped up again.

"Sure, I learned the lessons fast. When your survival depends on it, you adapt or you die. Would I have rather been taught slowly? Would I have rather had _my_ father teach me right from wrong and force his ideals on _me_? Sure. But I didn't, and I quite like the person I am now, and I couldn't have been her, without my past guiding me there."

"There really isn't anything that can get you down, is there Shepard?" Tali finally said.

"Once you're down, you have to climb your way back up. It's easier if you just stay up to begin with." She winked at the quarian.

"What I want to know is," Garrus interrupted, before even really knowing what he was going to ask, but wanting to lighten the mood. "How in the hell did you hold off the Skyllian Blitz on Elysium?" He already knew, of course, but when the Commander's eyes lit up and she started telling the story, animating her hands as she spoke, he knew he had made the right call.

Tali, with her poor immune system, and zero tolerance, had gotten drunk a lot faster than the other two, and Garrus laughed watching the Commander carry the drunken quarian over her shoulder to her quarters.

"Shepard have I ever told you how pretty I think you are?" the drunken girl rambled.

"Yes, Tali, about fifteen times, now."

"Cuz I really think you're very pretty, Commander. I'm so gad I'm on this ship, with you and your humans. And that giant Drive Core. Have I ever told you how much I like your Drive Core?"

"Yes, Tali."

* * *

><p>Garrus lay awake in his bunk that night, a foot hanging off the bed. Shepard was an orphan. It made perfect sense now. He had been talking to her about his father, the ridiculous demands, how he talked Garrus out of joining the specters, how furious he was at his fathers endless rules. How it felt good to tell him he was temporarily leaving C-sec to join a specter hunting Saren. Her words echoed in his head now.<p>

_He must love you very much, to want to be proud of you so badly_, she had said.

"I suppose," Garrus said. "Though it doesn't feel like it sometimes."

_Trust me, _she had said. _If he didn't love you, you would know it._

She had known all along that her parents hadn't loved her. Left to fend for herself in the streets of some crime ridden metropolis. Her words haunted him the rest of the night. He didn't realize how hard he had been clenching his fists until they started aching.


	3. Glory

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>Tali and Garrus fell in behind Shepard on Therum, trying to find the daughter of Saren's number two, Matriarch Benezia T'soni. She was supposedly a professor and expert on prothian technology so if they could reach her before Saren did, she could prove quite useful. They mowed down the army of geth easily enough, but now there was a colossus in the way. Shepard and Garrus dove into cover before trying to take it out.<p>

Tali was too busy trying to hack it, she didn't see it preparing to fire. Shepard jumped from her cover, tackling the quarian and taking the blast herself before dragging Tali behind the nearest cover. She took an electromagnetic blow easier than Tali. Her shields going down meant she had to stay in cover an extra minute or so, Tali's going down usually meant a suit rupture. Suit ruptures meant infections, and infections sometimes meant death. Not a chance Shepard was willing to take with her people.

_Damn her,_ Garrus thought, his mandibles clicking. He admired Shepard for, among other things, always putting her crew before herself. Right up until she put herself in danger doing it. She was the Specter, the mission couldn't continue without her. But you wouldn't know it by the way she threw herself in front of bullets.

"Damn it, Commander," he said into the comm. "You'd do well to at least _attempt_ to stay alive." He waited for her reply with some sort of clever quip, but it never came. Complete radio silence. "Commander, do you copy?"

He popped out of cover and focused his scope on her across the field. She was waving her arms at him, and when she saw he was looking, pointed to the ear piece on her visor, then gave the universal sign for 'cease', running a flat hand across across her throat in a slash.

The blast had knocked out her comm. He didn't hesitate to scramble from cover to cover to get to her, the colossus firing at him every time he started to run. Finally, he threw his back into the wall they were covering behind, and he noticed Tali was unconscious.

"What happened, Commander?" he shouted to be heard over the gun fire and explosions.

Shepard leaned out of cover to spray a stream of automatic rifle fire. "I guess I don't know my own strength."

Garrus loaded a clip into his rifle, but paused to look back at the Commander. "Wait, what? _You_ knocked her out?"

"When I tackled her," she said with a embarrassed smile and a shrug of the shoulders.

He smiled. He couldn't help it. Garrus wasn't used to any lightheartedness in life threatening situations.

"Well she obviously can't hack the colossus now," he said. "Orders, Commander?"

"We're gonna have to go to Plan B."

He leaned out of cover to take a shot. "What's Plan B?"

When he turned around she was holding a flame thrower.

He liked Plan B.

"I have to get right up on it to have this work, and I've only got one shot. If you don't get its shields down, it's gonna get a shot off while I'm out there and I'm gonna get a big bright dose of death right to the face. Make sure that doesn't happen, Vakarian."

"I won't let you down, Commander."

"I know."

As soon as she heard the colossus take its shot, stopping to recharge, she charged it, and even with her comm out he heard her roaring at it. He took the shot, firing right into its core. It frizzled the shields but didn't drop them. _Damn it._ His window was closing. She was almost on top of it. He had less than a second. He didn't have time for a heat sink so he just took the shot. His rifle screamed in protest. The shields died right as she slammed the flame thrower into its core and lit it up.

**Boom.**

It exploded in a fire of blue and pinkish hues. Warped, melted pieces of synthetic raining down on the battle field. He dove to cover Tali's unconscious form before popping back up to his knees to look for Shepard amongst the fire and smoke. His eyes danced across the field but the smoke was too thick. He sprang to his feet to charge into the flames, when he saw her silhouette approaching through the smoke. Flame thrower over her shoulder, she emerged triumphant, her faced smudged with ash and smiling that smile of hers.

"_That's _how you take down a colossus!" she shouted, raising a fist in the air. She kicked a piece of scrap, laughing at the sheer joy of a risky kill.

He laughed, and leaned his weight on his back foot, watching her. She was certainly something.

* * *

><p>"Surrender," the krogan Warlord growled, his small army of geth readying their weapons. "Or don't. That would be more fun."<p>

"I know you're probably kind of dense," Shepard said, stepping in front of the terrified Dr. Tsoni. "But this whole place is coming down around us."

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" the krogan returned. "Now hand over the asari."

Shepard laughed and waved a hand at him. "I'll hold on to her, thanks,".

"Not an option. Saren wants her, and he always gets what he wants."

"You mean like a pet krogan?"

Garrus tried to stifle a laugh.

That obviously struck a nerve. The Warlord growled at them and commanded his geth to start their assault. Garrus and Tali immediately dove into cover and started to return fire. Tali was hacking the geth one after the other, making them attack each other, and Garrus was trying to focus on the Warlord. He heard the asari cry out and looked over to see Shepard trying to simultaneously protect the cowering professor and shoot at the attackers. Garrus saw Shepard twist her knee as she tried to maneuver, and she cringed as she pulled the asari into cover.

He had been so distracted by the specter's safety, one of the geth snipers managed to target the weak part of his shoulder armor and Garrus felt the sting of the bullet penetrating the soft un-plated part of his shoulder.

"Damn it," he cursed, shooting the geth right in the glowing face. Every time he raised his rifle to take a shot, his shoulder would scream in protest. But it was his rifle arm, and he wasn't going to let a bullet keep him from completing the mission.

Shepard rushed the krogan and poured automatic rifle fire into his face until he stopped regenerating, taking several blows to her abdomen as she did. But, as per usual, she walked away victorious. She waved a hand to her crew.

"Come one, we have to go! Now!"

Garrus and Tali, assuming the asari would follow, rushed for the exit, when Garrus heard Shepard's voice in his comm.

"Oh for the love of..."

He turned around to see Shepard heading back for the, still cowering, Professor, sprinting and showing no signs of the pain that had to be surging through her knee. He cursed to himself as he turned to make sure Tali had made it out alright, before heading for the Commander. Shepard had lifted the asari in her arms and was sprinting back towards the exit. Large pieces of the walls were crashing down around them; they were running out of time.

"Go go go," she shouted at him as she caught up. Once he met her half way, he didn't hesitate to scoop the Commander up in his arms even while she still held onto the Professor.

"Wagh!" was all she said as he turned around to sprint out the door. She was heavier than he anticipated with the added weight of her armor and the asari as he ran up the ramps toward the sunlight. By the time he made it to the exit his calves were on fire.

He leaped through the threshold as the walls of the volcano collapsed behind them.

The women rolled out of his arms as he collapsed onto the ramp, panting.

"Keelah," Tali sighed, going to help the Professor up. "I didn't think you were going to make it out."

"T'soni, are you okay?" Shepard asked, looking up at her from the flat of her back.

"Y-yes. I am alright."

"Good," Shepard said, putting her head back down on the metal ramp. She hoisted herself up on her elbows then leaned over Garrus' face, who had rolled to lay on his back as well. "Hey ugly," she said. "You dead?"

"Damn close, Ma'am" he said with a smile.

"Excellent," she said as she stood herself up, hanging onto the railing. "Remind me to kill you when we get back on the ship."

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry the joining is very... exhausting," Liara said, swaying. "I.. should go lie down. Somewhere quiet."<p>

"We're done here anyway," Shepard said, irritation creeping into her tone. "Go ahead. Crew dismissed."

Garrus stayed, regardless of the bullet in his shoulder. The bleeding had stopped and it didn't hurt that bad as long as he kept it still against his body, so he watched her deliver the debriefing to the Council. "A shame the ruins were destroyed," the turian Councilor said. "Was that really necessary, Commander?"

"Would you have rather Saren got the Professor to help him get the Conduit and kill you all? Because if that's the case I can just drop her back off. She's kind of a snob anyway. It's okay, don't worry about it, it's fine. I'll just put her back in the _active volcano_ to restore the ruins. No no, really. I mean what would we do without the ruins of a long extinct species? When Saren brings the Reapers through and we all die in a giant mechanical shit-storm, the next civilization to climb out of the primordial muck will be _soooooooooo _happy we preserved the ruins."

"You've made your point, Commander. We look forward to your next report. Good luck," The asari Councilor said before cutting off the connection hurriedly.

It took all Garrus' strength not to burst into laughter. Shepard leaned over the railing, gripping it tight with her hands, obviously unaware of Garrus' presence. Deep angry breaths came from her chest and the metal of the railing creaked as she wrung her hands on it. Her arms shivered. She started to mock Liara T'soni as she stood there, her voice exaggerating the deep and sensual tone of the asari.

"The joining can be vvvveeeerrrry exhausting," she said, starting to turn around. "Oh really? Yeah, I can see how using your _brain _must be just an incredibly difficult expi-AGH! Vakarian!" He finally let out a good laugh, his eyes bright.

"Apologies, Commander," he said between bursts of laughter. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"Could have fooled me," she said with a laugh.

"I quite like your impression of the good doctor."

"Yes well, I just blew up the north side of a planet and got chewed out by the Council and turns out she's about as useful as tits on a bull."

"What on a what?"

"Right... uh. She's useless," she clarified.

"Ah."

She smiled, but Garrus saw the exhaustion in her eyes. He was tired himself, the fight with Saren's krogan Warlord had worn them both out, not to mention getting shot.

"Get your leathery ass to the Med Bay so Chakwas can look at that shoulder."

"Only if you bring your fleshy one to get your knee looked at."

She paused for a moment, only slightly amused. "You saw that I hurt my knee." It was stated, but it was also a question. "So that's why you carried me, princess style, out of a volcano."

"Would you have rather I carried you over my shoulder like a sack of grain?" he teased.

"I would rather you never carry me ever again," she said, finally letting her limp show as she made her way to him. "This isn't some romance novel."

"It's a long way over to the Med Bay. I could carry you again, if you like. Don't want you getting hurt on the way there, you humans are so fragile after all," he taunted.

"Don't make me kick you wherever the hell your nuts are, Vakarian."

"I'm afraid that's rather impossible, for you, Commander," he said, leaning down to offer her his unwounded shoulder. "Unlike your fleshy males, we're rather well protected, not all out in the open and vulnerable to the elements."

"Spare me the biology lesson," she said, taking his assistance gratefully. She didn't need to thank him. He didn't need to tell her he was glad she was alright. They already knew.

* * *

><p>"I'm <em>benched <em>for Noveria?"

"I'm sorry, Vakarian, but you heard the Doc, you really messed your shoulder up and I can't risk you getting hurt again before we get into the heavy shit."

He pulled his mandible close to his jaw in frustration. He didn't think he had hurt his shoulder as bad as he had, but the Doctor had made it clear that he needed to rest it. Though he had assumed the geth had wounded his pride more than his shoulder. He didn't like the idea of getting left behind. Not that he felt like he deserved to go more than anyone else, but he didn't like the idea of the others going. He knew the asari had to go, it was her mother, after all. But he didn't trust Alenko to protect her. His school-boy crush on her was obvious, not that he could blame him, but humans didn't understand the need to protect the Commander like he did. Whatever happens to them, she was the most important. Turian military 101. The mission could continue without any one of them, but she was the important part. The only irreplaceable member of the team. He didn't trust anyone else on this ship to understand that. To put their instinct of self preservation _after _the need to keep her alive. But so deep was it ingrained in him not to question orders, that his mandibles just clicked in frustration.

"Aye, Commander," was all he said.

"Why are you so bothered by this?" she asked, sinking into her hip like she did.

"It's nothing," he said.

"Bullshit, Vakarian. This isn't a turian vessel. It's mine. Permission to speak freely or whatever."

"I..." He didn't really know where to begin. He'd never been offered to openly tell a superior why he didn't like their orders. He'd never had an open insubordination invitation.

"If it's just that you don't want to miss any of the action, I can assure you there will be plenty more."

"No, it's not that. I just don't like the idea of staying behind. This mission we're on, it's important. Actually important. _Too _important for me to stay behind nursing a bullet through the shoulder. What if something happens to you that I could have stopped? That only I would stop?"

"What do you mean 'only you'd stop'?"

"You think the Professor and Alenko would put the mission ahead of their lives? You're the only member of this team _worth _saving. You're the lynch pin, Commander. Without you the whole mission goes to hell and I seem to be the only one on this team who understands that."

While he was right, she didn't like to think of herself that way; more important than her people. The sentiment made her uncomfortable and she exhaled, putting her hands on her hips, looking at her feet. But it was true, wasn't it? Without her, the human specter, the trail goes cold and everything falls apart. She put her hand on his unwounded shoulder as he sat on the bed, and leaned down to be eye level with him.

"Garrus," she said softly, knowing full well that he could hear her. It was the first time he heard her address him by his first name. It created a strange energy in his chest. "You're the best damn marksman I know. I've never seen anything like it. And to tell you the truth; if I had everything my way, I would never leave this ship again without you on my six. Now with that being said, I will _not,_ under _any_circumstances, risk going toe-to-toe with Saren without knowing that your cross-hairs are over my shoulder."

"Commander, I-" what could he say? He was astounded. Garrus' eyes darted from her right eye to her left and back again. Her bright emerald eyes almost staring through his own. He didn't just hear the sincerity in her words, didn't just see it in her eyes. He felt it. His face got hot with embarrassment.

"Now, I need you to rest, and get better before then. A sniper who can't shoot his gun isn't what I need. Can you do that for me, Garrus?"

"I won't let you down, Commander."

"I know," she said, clasping her palm on the side of his neck the way his father always did. But it didn't feel the same way it did when his father did it; patronizing. It was comforting, affectionate. He wondered if this is what his father had been trying to do all the times he did it. He also wondered if this was what a real friendship felt like.

**"Commander!" **Dr. Chakwas exclaimed bursting into the Med Bay. "I told you to stay off of that knee! Do you ever listen to anything I tell you?"

Shepard rolled her eyes and stood to face the Doctor, wincing. "I just really like your company, Doc. Anything I can do to keep me from leaving this florescent hell hole," she said as she limped her way back to her seat. Garrus just laughed.

* * *

><p>Garrus had to make himself busy the next day. He couldn't move his shoulder with the giant bandage he had over it so working on the Mako some more seemed like a poor choice. So, with her permission, he took Shepard's visor out of her locker and went to work on it. Might as well make himself useful. He only worked on it for about an hour in his bunk when it crackled to life.<p>

"Well so much for that," he said, disappointed he had gotten it working so fast. What was he going to do with the rest of his day now? It was then that he heard a voice crackling through it. It was Lieutenant Alenko, but it was far away. Whoever he was talking to forgot to turn off their comm.

"-every mission. I don't get it. What's the big deal about him?"

"Yeah, Skipper, you haven't even taken LT here out since we picked up the alien squad," came Williams' voice, loud and clear.

"So that's what this is about? You guys are jealous that Garrus gets to go on all the missions? He's benched for Noveria," said the Commander.

"But that's only because of the slug in his shoulder," Kaidan complained.

"If he hadn't gotten shot would you have taken him to Noveria?"

"You bet your ass I would have, Chief."

Garrus smiled. He really was about to turn it off and respect her privacy before he realized they were talking about him. But he could just blame it on his superior hearing again if it ever came up.

"See? Why? What's the big deal? We're starting to think you just prefer his company over ours. And the report said the quarian hardly did anything on Therum besides some kind of quarian tech crap."

He heard the exasperation in Shepard's scoff. She hadn't slept at all the night before, tossing and turning in the florescent Med Bay, so she still hadn't recuperated from Therum. "I don't play favorites, if that's what you're implying."

"So both major missions, and all side missions, and a little personal errand to go get a crazy salarian doctor Vakarian had a vendetta against, and you _don't_ play favorites?" Kaidan said.

"Do you have something you want to say to me, Kaidan?" The anger in her voice was apparent, but controlled. Garrus was pretty openly angry, alone in his bunk. One minute she was revered, the object of their eternal admiration, and the next disrespected outright? Fickle, fickle humans.

"No, Ma'am. I just-"

"Because this is getting incredibly close to you two disrespecting my orders and we don't have time for an inter-species pissing contest. So I'm going to make this short before I throw you _both_ out of the airlock. I will take who I please on my missions and on whatever missions I choose. It is _my_ prerogative. If you want to be taken with me, step up your game. Kaidan, you are useful right up until you get an implant headache and collapse on the ground. Now it's not your fault your implant gives you those migraines, and I'm sorry that you suffer them, but they are detrimental to the mission and we don't have time for it. Ash, you are hot headed and nearly got yourself killed because you don't think things through, and one of the people in question had to save your sorry ass for it. Tali gets things done. She's fast and she is respectful. I give her an order and she does it. She could hack her way through the Council's personal telephone calls if she wanted to. Can either of you make a geth fight on our side for 20 minutes before it explodes? I didn't think so. Same goes for Wrex. Besides being brash and blood thirsty, he dives right into a situation and gets results." She took a deep breath but not long enough to let anyone interrupt. "As for _Garrus, _he **never** slows me down, he never says 'that's not a good idea'. He says; 'How do I get it done?' 'What can I do to help?' I'm starting to think he's the only one on this god damn ship who has _any _real trust in me."

"He's a turian, Commander. He doesn't trust you, turians just follow orders no matter what," Williams said.

Garrus' hands clenched into fists subconsciously.

"Bullshit. I'm a human, if he were like all other turians he wouldn't listen to a damn thing I said because we, as a species, have not earned their respect. If he was like every other turian, I never would have brought him along. But he's not just some mindless soldier who does what he's told. He's smart and can make decisions for himself without me having to worry about him doing something stupid like running into a room full of husks by himself. He trusts me and I trust him because Garrus Vakarian is a _damn_ good soldier, and an even better shot. So as soon as either of you can hit a three inch flash-light target from a thousand yards away, I will listen to your commentary on Garrus' usefulness." She paused to let her words sink in and there was utter silence. Joker was actually the one to break the silence in the room.

"Commander, the blue professor was asking for you in the Med Bay."

"Thanks, Joker. I'll go check in on her now," she said.

"Let me know if it involves getting naked," he said before cutting the connection.

She didn't even excuse herself from the room, she just left the two astounded humans in her tracks.

"I had no idea she felt that way about me," Kaidan said.

"What way?"

"That I'm utterly useless."

"She doesn't think that, LT. She's just being a hard ass."

"That must be why she's ignored all my advances. She doesn't think I deserve her."

_You don't,_ Garrus thought before turning off the ear piece.


	4. Trust

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>Noveria was a struggle to say the least. Shepard had decided to bring Wrex instead of Alenko since they had done the insubordination tango. Plus, double biotic seemed like a bad idea since she didn't have Garrus for additional firepower. Killing Matriarch Benezia was hard. Not really difficult, but tough to watch. Liara listening to the things her mother was saying, resolving to help Shepard kill her. It wasn't a fun conversation, or a fun fight. Shepard may not have been crazy about Liara, but she was just a kid, by asari standards. Shepard never had any parents, but having to kill your own indoctrinated mother for the good of the galaxy? Yeah, that was probably a tougher lot. She could tell Liara just wanted it to all be over. She was all but absent the rest of the mission. There, but not in spirit. Like the husks from Eden Prime.<p>

"I'm not going to destroy your whole species," Shepard said, crossing her arms. "I'll set you free."

"You'll...give us a chance to compose anew?" The Rachni Queen's drone asked. "Our children will raise their voices in song, telling tales of your compassion and kindness."

"Great," Wrex said with a scoff. "Bugs are writing songs about you. Mark my words, Shepard. You'll regret this."

"Enough out of you, Wrex. You haven't spoken two words together since landing and now I can't get you to shut up."

Shepard watched the Rachni Queen scuttle out of the giant test tube she was in. She hoped she had made the right decision. As they turned to head to the Hot Labs, she wondered idly what Garrus would have thought.

The Queen had told her that her children couldn't be saved. That the attempts to break and train them had left them as just shadows of what they should be. Honoring the request, she headed downstairs. And after talking to, yet another, incoherent scientist, a rachni jumped out of the floor and killed him.

"God damn it, can't this ever be easy?" she shouted as a stream of bullets filled the creature. She ripped the code she needed off the scientist and ran to the VI interface to input it.

"Twenty Seconds until purge," the VI crooned. They turned to run to the elevator just to find that the floor had been flooded with the giant creatures.

"By the Goddess," Liara chimed.

"We don't have time, _**go go go**_!" Shepard shouted, pushing them out the door.

"Fifteen Seconds until purge."

Wrex had no problem making it to the elevator, charging though and regenerating any damage done, then turning to pour out cover fire. Liara, on the other hand, was having a harder time avoiding the things. She didn't have a lot of armor on, and the biotics she used to shield herself were taking up too much time and concentration. Shepard shot anything impeding the professors path to get her in the elevator, pushing her forward.

"Ten seconds, until purge."

"Shepard, come on," Wrex called, shooting a rachni in the mouth.

Shepard raised her knee and heel-kicked Liara in the small of her back, making the professor plummet into Wrex in the elevator. Her foot was still in the air as a conical spine came through her stomach in a burst of crimson.

_"_**Damn it, human**!" Wrex shouted, sprinkling more bullets into the creatures. She turned and fired a shotgun blast into the face of the rachni, and used her hand to rip the spine's tendril out of the creature's head. She had enough presence of mind to know that she would bleed out if she removed it from her stomach, so she left it there as she turned towards the elevator.

"Five seconds, until purge."

She summoned the rest of her strength and hurled herself into the elevator just as the doors were closing, barely enough time before the explosion. She collapsed onto the floor of the elevator until Wrex picked her up. In her delirium, she thought the krogan seemed to be making a rather large effort to be gentle with her. But she was fading in and out of consciousness, so she couldn't be sure.

With the Commander in his arms, he charged back to the ship, trying as hard as he could to not punch Liara in the face. She hadn't stopped prattling on frantically, crying and wailing, since they were in the elevator. He wished she would just keep pumping medi-gel into the Commander's omni-tool while they ran and shut the hell up.

The few moments of clarity Shepard had before they reached the ship were sadness. Garrus was going to think this was his fault. She didn't want that. She didn't ever want him to be sad.

That's when the darkness hit her.

* * *

><p>Garrus was stretching out his wounded shoulder after finishing up some touches on the Mako, it had healed nicely in the weeks since Therom, but it was still sore. He had planned on going downstairs to punch the bags around after the shore party had returned. Now that he thought about it, what was <em>taking <em>so long? They'd been gone all day.

Then Joker's frantic voice came over the speakers.

"Oh god, Dr. Chakwas wherever you are on the ship you need to get to the Med Bay right this second, the ground team is back, Shepard's... Oh god. Sweet Jesus! **Somebody get to the hangar door to help Wrex!**" It was the first time anyone ever heard Joker panic.

He didn't move right away, the panic in his chest took him by surprise. But it was only a matter of seconds before it was replaced by the rage. _Stubborn human_, he thought as he sprinted towards the doors. _Stubborn, stupid, __**reckless**__ human!_

Before he even got there he could tell it was bad; The smell of her blood was overpowering. The sight he found when he got to the hatch door was even more gruesome. Wrex was covered in her blood, charging toward the Med Bay with her cradled in his arms, a huge pyramid shaped spine through her stomach. She was wincing and holding her stomach, and obviously not fully coherent.

"Spirits," Garrus said to himself, rushing to them. "What happened?"

"Blew up lab," Wrex said, speaking in machine gun sentences while running. "Lots of bugs. Stabbed her. Rushing to elevator. Didn't get on elevator in time. Made sure asari was on first."

"It was my fault," Liara wailed, tears streaming down her face, she was alternating between pumping medi-gel into the Commander's omni tool, and covering her with a biotic field to freeze her and keep her from bleeding out. "I didn't get into the elevator in time and she was stalling them so I could get in."

Garrus bristled with fury as he watched them lay her on the bed in the Med Bay. She was barely conscious, murmuring incoherently.

"Stay with me, Jane," Chakwas said, moving furiously over the Commander while her assistant tried to shove everyone out of the room. Wrex left without a second thought, but Liara tried to stay.

"Shepard, no! I can help," she wailed.

Garrus summoned all his strength to keep himself from throttling the professor right there. Instead he grabbed her by the shoulders and dragged her out of the room. They all sat outside the Med Bay window now, watching the Commander trying to speak to the doctor. The hole in her stomach was ghastly. Chakwas said something to her assistants. One closed the shutters on the window. And just like that they lost visual.

"What were you thinking?" Garrus shouted at the tiny blue woman. "She's the only thing important about this mission, how could you let her put you before herself?" _Why wasn't I there_, was really what he was saying. _Why did I let myself get shot so that I couldn't protect her?_

"I'm sorry," she cried. "I'm so, _so _sorry."

"Mr. Vakarian," the assistant called sticking her head out of the door. Garrus looked at her, his eyes still filled with fury, and snapped.

"What!"

"She's asking for you."

"Me?" he said, the rage easing away, pointing to himself.

"Him?" Kaidan repeated, more than a little upset at her choice.

He didn't move for a few moments, just swallowed and wondered why in the hell she'd want to talk to _him. _Now of all times. Him of all people. As Garrus made his way past the doors, he winced. Spirits, it was hard to look at her.

"She wants to talk to you, Mr. Vakarian," Chakwas chided, obviously not happy that she had to let him in. "I need you to keep her talking, keep her conscious."

He knelt down next to her head trying to get as close to the wall as he could to stay out of the doctor's way. He wished then that he was human. Salarian. Any other race that wasn't as _big_ as he him. Thankfully he hadn't had his armor on and was just in simple civvies. But even on his knees he towered over her.

"Garrus," Shepard called, reaching her hand out to him. She was so weak, so helpless. It was like she was a completely different person.

"I'm here, Commander," he said, taking her tiny pink hand in his leathery taloned one. It was so small in his hand, so fragile. Her eyes fluttered as she fought to stay conscious. He tried not to look at the hole through her stomach. "I'm fighting a very strong urge to say 'I told you so', Commander."

_Keep her talking. Keep her conscious, _he thought.

She laughed once, then winced, "You're a dick, Vakarian."

"You love it," he said, trying his best to smile. Fighting the rage, fighting the grief. _Keep her talking. Keep her conscious. _

She pulled his hand closer to her face, squeezed it as hard as she could, but it was weak, he hardly felt it compared to the arm wrestling grip she had used just the other night. Her hand quivered with the effort. His heart broke for her.

"Garrus," she said doing her best to look into his eyes.

"I'm here Commander, stay with me," he put his other hand on the other side of hers, making her hand disappear between his two large ones.

"This isn't your fault," she said.

His face got hot. How did she know? Could she read the grief from his face? How did she know how ashamed he was?

"I should have been there," he said, his voice was low, he wasn't even sure she had heard him.

"No," she shouted, her eyes popping open, determination filling her face. "Don't - Don't do that, don't start. This is the way it is."

"Commander, take it easy, don't-"

Her eyes fluttered again. "Shut up," she said, fighting unconsciousness. Her breaths were fast and gravelly. "Shut your monstrous trap," she commanded. The power returned to her face, if only briefly. Sheer determination driving her to make sure she could get her message across. She took several large breaths, they were obviously very painful and he could hear the fluid blocking her airway. "You finish this," she said.

"Commander, you're going to be-"

"**YOU FINISH THIS**," she shouted, loud enough that the crew outside the doors probably heard her. Blood started leaking from the corner of her mouth and she turned her head away to cough, and it spattered the pillow. Her whole body was shivering violently now as she started to go into shock. But she fought it. God, did she fight it. A layer of crimson coated her bottom lip now as she spoke through clenched teeth. "You find that son of a bitch and you put a round through his ... God damn... stupid... pointy... _face_!" Another coughing fit, followed by a painful groan.

"We will, Commander, _together." _He wasn't quite shouting, but he was speaking more forcefully than he needed to be, desperate to keep her alive.

She smiled up at him.

"You have the fire of a great leader, they ..ugh... they will follow you." It was obviously getting more and more painful for her to speak, and it was taking much more effort to keep her head up. "This..." she said, letting her head fall back on the pillow, keeping her eyes on his. "This is why I chose you, Garrus... I know you can do this." She turned her head to cough again and her shivering hand started to to loosen her grip on his. "But me believing in you... doesn't... mean anything... if you don't believe in _yourself_." Her eyes started to roll as unconsciousness finally started over taking her. "Finish this, Garrus."

"I won't let you down, Shepard. _I won't let you down_!"

And in the pattern she always replied to him saying that, "I know," was all she said. Her head lolled and her eyes, still open, fell lifeless and to the side. He felt her hand go limp in his. The machinery in the room started to beep and scream.

"No wait," he said, looking around frantically then back at her face. "No, Shepard, _come back_," he called to her. "We need you," he said. It didn't even occur to him that he was calling her by her name. It wasn't about the mission. It wasn't about protecting the specter. Not anymore. She was his friend now. The only one he had. Protocol, rank, orders, none of it mattered. For the first time in his life he was looking at something that he knew, deep down, was more important to him than all of those things. And as the realization hit him of how badly he wanted her to live, he also realized that she was slipping through his fingers.

"Get him out of here," Chakwas said, as she hustled around the Commander. "Mr. Vakarian you need to leave so I can operate." He backed up out the door, holding onto Shepard's hand until the very last second, as he backed away.

"Don't you let her die, Chakwas," he said pointing at her. "Or I will make you regret it!"

He turned away and the doors shut behind him, leaving him in the darkness of the Mess Hall. He could feel the stunned, hopeful eyes of the crew on him as they waited for him to tell them what she said.

Garrus knew he needed to be calm. He knew he needed to say something. But the rage was so strong in his chest, he just erupted with a roar that cracked through the silent room like a thunderclap. He threw his fist into the metal hull of the ship as hard as he could. A deep growl rumbled through his chest until he took three deep breaths and forced himself to calm. Finally he turned around, heading towards the crew, trying to think of something to say to them.

"Garrus," came Tali's voice through her suit's speakers. Her gloved hands going to hold his large one. He could tell she was tearing up under the helmet.

"She's going to make it, Tali. She has to," he said to her. Not sure if he believed it or not.

"Well, what did she say?" Kaidan asked, half demanding.

Garrus made his way toward the intercom. "She said to finish this. With or without her," he said, manipulating the intercom button. "Joker," he said into it. "Set a course for Virmire."

"Y-yeah. Okay," Joker said hesitantly. It felt wrong to both of them.

"Wait a minute," came a shivering Kaidan. Rage in his face, closing the gap between them. "Who the hell put you in charge?" he said with an accusing finger.

"Who do you think?" Garrus snapped, though he immediately regretted it. He wasn't mad at the human, after all. It wasn't his fault.

"Why would Shepard put a _turian _in charge of an _Alliance_ vessel?" Williams scoffed drunkenly.

"I don't know," he said turning to address them, rubbing the back of his neck. "But she did."

"And we're just supposed to take your word for it? Are we just supposed to _skip _chain of command? What about Pressley? A-and Alenko?"

"Cool your jets, Chief," Joker said. "I heard the whole thing. He's telling the truth."

Garrus took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

_Fight the rage, _he told himself._ Shepard needs you to help them. She needs you to be there for them while she can't. This isn't their fault. _

"I know this is hard," Garrus said, hoping he sounded calm, looking around the room. "None of you are mad at me. You're just mad. You're afraid. Hell, _I'm_ afraid." He didn't even realize he meant it until he had said it already. That made him pause. "None of us want to do this without her. None of us wanted it to be like this. But this is where we are. We have a two week journey to Virmire, stopping first for supplies. Shepard _will _be joining us. I haven't known her as long as some of you, but it's long enough to know that she's not the type to be taken down this easily. Not when the mission is incomplete. I don't know why she chose me. I don't." He took a moment to exhale and he put a hand on Kaidan's shoulder. He hoped it was comforting. "But I know we all respect her enough not to question her. So until she's well, Pressley and I will have the deck."

He was right. They all knew he was right. Kaidan put his head down and Garrus felt him let the tension in his shoulders go. "I'm sorry, Garrus," he said finally.

"It's alright," he said. "I'm worried about her too."

"What about the Council," the Lieutenant asked. "They'll be expecting a report. Should we tell them?"

Garrus paused for a long moment, considering it. "No. If Shepard dies, the Council will ground us and then any chance we have of finishing the mission dies with her. I don't like it either, but our mission is bigger than Shepard, it's bigger than all of us. She made me give her my word that we would stop Saren at all costs, and we can't do that if we update the Council."

"You talk like she's dead already," said Liara.

He whirled on her. "Shut your mouth," he raged, pointing at her. "I'm inclined to think this whole situation is your fault anyway, so you'd do well to stop talking."

The girl shied away from him, tears streaming down her cheeks. He straightened and exhaled a ragged breath.

"She gave me an order," he said. "I won't let her down."

* * *

><p>They all spent the night there in the Mess. Williams was drunk and passed out on the table, Kaidan was in shock, staring into oblivion next to her. Garrus was pretty sure Liara was praying and crying. Wrex was sitting up, asleep at the table.<p>

It was some of the longest hours of his life. Tali sat down with two cups of coffee for them, drinking it through the filter contraption in her mask. It was creeping up on 0300 hours when Chakwas finally came out of the Med Bay. Tali, Liara, Kaidan, and Garrus all stood up at the same time as the doctor came toward them.

"I've done all I can," she said, wiping the sweat from her brow, her apron covered in blood. "Now it's up to her."

"Up to her?" Liara asked. "What does that mean?"

"She's suffered massive trauma to her stomach and abdomen. I've repaired the walls of her stomach, and her right kidney. I managed to stop the internal bleeding and cybernetics are in place until her stomach can start healing on its own. Now we just have to hope she's strong enough to come back to us."

"May we see her?" Tali asked.

"You may."

Garrus stayed outside while the other three headed into the Med Bay. He was essentially alone in the Mess, Williams and Wrex asleep as they were. He leaned over his knees in his chair and put his head in his taloned hands.

He hadn't asked for this. Why would she give this to him? Why would she put this on his shoulders? She must have really been afraid if she thought she needed to put someone in her place. Could he do this? Could he carry the banner without her? Could he lead a bunch of xenophobes to the conduit and stop this whole mess?

_Me believing in you... doesn't... mean anything... if you don't believe in byourself/b. _

The words echoed through his head. The determination in her face, the sound of her voice, her bright green eyes seeing through him. She gave him a charge, an important charge. An alien she had only known a few months. She trusted him to get this done, and he wasn't about to fail her. With or without her, he would stop Saren. If he was going to lead this team after all, he was going to do it with the fire and determination she had lit inside of him.

After a few minutes alone with his thoughts, he headed to the Cockpit to update Joker.

* * *

><p>When the following evening rolled around and everyone had gone to bed, Garrus decided to go see Shepard. He was the only one who hadn't at that point. He didn't know why he kept avoiding it, telling himself that there were matters to be seen to, he didn't have the time. Everyone around him had been going about their business like she was dead already, mourning and crying, and talking about what they would have wanted to say to her, what she meant to them. It infuriated him. He had to carry on so that the mission would get completed, but he most <em>certainly <em>wasn't trying to act like he thought she wasn't going to wake up. He knew she was, she had too. The Shepard he knew wouldn't let something like this take her down. Chakwas said that the outcome depended on Shepard's strength. That alone should have told everyone she was going to wake up.

Still as the hours melted away, it was getting harder and harder to stay positive.

The Med Bay doors were already open when he approached them. He saw the back of Tali sitting next to Shepard. One of her gloved hands on the Commander's, talking softly to her. The scene hurt his chest. It was hitting everyone hard, she meant so much to everyone already. He was glad that Tali hadn't been in the Med Bay when Shepard had given him Command, the images still haunted him. Spirits, he couldn't get it out of his head.

"I don't have a lot of friends outside the Flotilla, Shepard," The quarian said. "Actually, I don't have any, besides you." She looked down at her lap then rested her helmet in her free hand. "I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can, I hope you can, you should know that we all care for you a lot. You're the only one who has ever been able to see me through my helmet, Shepard. You are the first person I've met since I left the Migrant Fleet who treats me like a person, not a scavenger, or... or a thief. For the first time, I don't feel like 'the quarian', I feel like a member of a crew." She laid her head down on the bed, muffling the speakers of her helmet in the blanket. "_Your_ crew," he was pretty sure she said. She jumped when Garrus put his talon on her shoulder. "Garrus," she said.

"Hey, Tali."

"Erm... Dr. Chakwas said that she might be able to hear us," she explained, sniffling. "And if she can, I was hoping that maybe, um, I don't know..."

"That it would help her wake up."

"Y-yes. Something like that." She stood and turned to leave, obviously embarrassed. "Well, I should get back to the engines. Engineer Adams was waiting for me to finish some cleaning." She made it to the door and looked back at Garrus, who was now looking down on the Commander. "You should try it, Garrus," she said at last.

"Cleaning the engines?"

"Talking to her."

"I uh," he exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't even know what I would say."

"Just tell her what you would want her to know, just in case you don't get the chance." And with that, she was gone.

Garrus took a deep breath and sat next to her, dwarfing her hand with his own. His mandibles twitched uncomfortably. He looked to make sure the Med Bay was completely empty and sighed.

"I'm not very good at this sort of thing, Commander," he said. Long moments of silence as he tapped his talons on the bed, only the beeping of the machinery to fill the void. "I'm not gonna lie, I feel pretty silly talking to someone who can't talk back." Silence again. "And to be perfectly honest, I'm not really comfortable with everyone acting like you're already dead." He noticed the soft rise and fall of her chest. That made him feel better. "I don't want you to die," he said. "I know you're strong enough to pull out of this. Anyone who really knows you, should know something like this can't keep you down. I would be disappointed in you if it did. You're better than this." He sighed and ran his other palm over her stomach. He could feel the mechanical whirring of the cybernetics knitting her stomach together. "You deserve better than this."

He started to shake his leg anxiously, bobbing it up and down on his toes, his anger starting to take over his grief again. "I had _just_ got done telling you that you were the most important part of the mission. That you needed me to protect you. That no one else would put you ahead of their lives. But did you listen?" He exhaled slowly, putting the hand that had been on her stomach on his head, covering his eyes.

"Of course not," he said finally, looking at her again. "I could never tell you what to do. No one can." The minutes melted away as he sat there, just watching her, his head resting on his hand. "Listen, Shepard, you're my friend now. I don't have a lot of friends, so I really can't afford to lose one. So you should just drop the act and wake up." He moved his hand to the back of his neck and hung his head, staring at the threads of the blanket. "You can't die, Shepard. You make me a better man," he said quietly. "You make me want to _be_ better. And I'm afraid of who I'll be if you're gone... Of what I would do with myself." It wasn't just true of Garrus, it was true of all of them. But he was, so far, the only one brave enough to admit it.

He heard her heart speed up almost imperceptibly and his eyes darted to her face. She was looking at him, her eyes half open.

"Obviously," she said weakly. "You would shoot Saren in the face like I told you to."

"Shepard," he almost shouted it, jumping up to lean over her, taking her by the shoulders.

"Garrus," she whispered, trying to smile.

He didn't know what to say. His mandibles stretched in what had to be a goofy grin. A wave of relief crashed over him. It made him brace himself on the bed, looming over her.

"First thing I see when I wake up is your ugly mug? I thought for sure I had gone to hell."

He laughed, harder than he had meant to, fueled more by relief than humor.

"You had me worried, Shepard. I thought I was going to have to chalk you up with the other humans who haven't been able to keep up with me."

She laughed as she tried to sit up. "How long have I been out," she asked just as trying to sit up proved to be a horrible idea. She surged with pain and the machine monitoring her heart rate screeched.

"Spirits, Shepard, what's the matter with you? Lay back down you stubborn human," he chided, his mandibles clicked and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and helped ease her back down.

"Alright, alright," she said wincing. "You didn't answer my question."

"You've been out a little over thirty-two hours," he said, sitting back down beside her.

"God damn it. Tell Joker to head to Virmire," she said quietly.

"Already en route, Shepard."

She smiled. "Really? Good."

"Chakwas said there was a possibility you'd never wake up. We've all been really worried about you," he said to fill the silence. His voice wavering only slightly as his knee bounced up and down. "Not me of course," he joked.

She reached and took his hand in reply, giving it a soft squeeze.

"You were in really bad shape. We thought we might have lost you."

"From a stomach wound? Hah," she coughed as she said it. "If I don't go down in a ball of brilliant flames I'm gonna be pissed."

He laughed. She just looked at him, a haze over her eyes from the anesthetic. "I uh.. I should go let everyone know you're awake. Everyone is worried and Chakwas will probably need to have a look at you."

He stood to leave, but she didn't let go of his hand.

"Don't," she said, weakly.

"Shepard, you really should have the Doctor-"

"When did you start calling me Shepard?"

"I uh..." he cleared his throat. He had only just realized he was doing it. His mandibles subconsciously clicked. "Just felt weird calling you Commander while I officially out-ranked you."

"What's it like to be so heavily full of shit?," she said and he laughed, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb."I like it, though," she said. "Friends don't use titles, right?"

"No..." he said squeezing her hand. "I suppose friends don't."

"Don't tell Alenko," she said, knowing he wanted to get the Doctor.

"What?"

"My head," she grunted. "It's killing me, and the last thing I need is Alenko clinging to my side like a lonely puppy, all wide-eyed and desperate."

He nodded. "I'll just get the doctor in here."

"You're a good friend, Garrus."

"Takes one to know one, Shepard."

* * *

><p>Shepard didn't remember much about the next few hours. The last thing she really remembered was Garrus running interference with Alenko outside the window, watching him explain that she was going to be fine, and that the Doctor needed everyone out of the room for now. <em>I really lucked out with that sniper<em>, she thought before she fell back into unconsciousness.


	5. Confirmation

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>The crew really came together after that. Eyes were opened and what was really important, what was really at stake, was apparent. Kaidan and Ashley made huge strides with the aliens on the ship. Ashley and Wrex would share war stories, Kaidan would help Garrus with the Mako. They would all go sit with the incapacitated Shepard for hours on end, trying to keep her entertained while she had to stay in bed and recuperate.<p>

"What in the hell are you doing under there?"

"Shepard?" Garrus asked from under the Mako. He rolled out from under it, grease marring his face. "What are you doing out of the Med Bay? I'm sure Chakwas is going to have a coronary when she see's you're up."

"I can't just lay down all day every day, it's driving me crazy."

"Riiiight. First of all, it's only been two days since you woke up. Secondly, don't act like you aren't already crazy." She nudged his head with her foot good-naturedley.

"You still didn't tell me what the hell you're doing under there."

"I'm fixing the suspension. Again."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Well since you seem to think '_mountain_' is the human word for '_shortcut_', I'm actually under here quite regularly fixing the punishment you put our girl here through."

"Expert marksman _and_ a mechanic? What more could a girl ask for?"

"Don't forget _devastatingly_ handsome," he added, with a turian grin as he came out from under the Mako. Wiping his talons on a damp cloth.

"Whoa," she said, reaching out for his hand.

"What?" his mandibles clicked curiously, but he let her take his hand in hers. It was odd to him that his reflexes never reacted to Shepard. Generally, regardless of who he was talking to, he would pull his hand away or be more on his guard, but he never really was with her.

"I've never seen your hands before," she said, turning it palm up. "Holy Hell, they're massive! When you don't have your armor on, you usually have gloves or something on. I thought they added mass to your hands, but they're just... actually huge."

"Well yeah," he said, entertained by how intrigued she was. She ran her fingers along his palm and down his talons. He smiled. The tips of her fingers were cool against his skin. The differences between them were so apparent, as she put her palm against his to hold them together. Her tiny, milky, soft hands. His massive, coarse, taloned ones. "You have too many fingers," he said, smiling.

"Or do you have too few?"

"What can you do with your extra fingers that I can't?"

She put all her fingers down except her index and pinky, making what looked like horns.

"The universal symbol for rock and roll," she said laughing.

"What's rock and roll?"

"It's Earth music. We'll listen to it sometime," she was almost slurring as she spoke.

The differences in their hands were obviously very interesting to her. He was glad to see her up and about even if it had only been two days since she woke up. She put her fingers around one of his claws and squinted. "Your people are armored _and _armed at all times? How is that fair?"

He laughed.

"That's why I usually wear gloves. My talons usually make humans uncomfortable if I don't wear some kind of cover. There were plenty humans in C-sec so I just got used to having them on."

"No more gloves on the Normandy," she said, seeming rather like a child all of a sudden, swaying back and forth like she was dizzy. "I like your hands. They're so warm."

"Shepard, are you okay?"

"Don't mollycoddle me, you giant... bug..." she said, throwing a stray punch that went _way _wide_,_ just as she fell forward. He managed to catch her before she fell with an arm behind her shoulders, and lifted her into his arms.

"You know for someone who hates to be carried like a princess, you sure make people carry you a lot," he teased, but she was out cold again. Her body started shivering and he held her close to his chest as he made his way back to the Med Bay. The happiness melted from his face and his mandible clicked. He knew she wasn't supposed to be up. "Stubborn human," he said, making his way back to the Med Bay. He was surprised just how heavy she was. Not that she looked overweight in any way but he had always thought that armor-less she would weigh little more than a damp towel. Humans all looked so frail and petite, but Shepard was solid. The hospital gown covered most of her body but he could see the muscles under the skin of her arms. He wondered if all humans were heavier than they looked.

He entered the Med Bay to a furious Doctor Chakwas.

"_There_ she is," she said fuming. "What in the world goes through her head when I'm gone? Honestly she's like a child, doing it just to give me a heart attack." She took two deep breaths, composing herself and the turian tried to hide his laughter. "Thank you for bringing her back, Mr. Vakarian."

"No problem, Doc. How's she doing?"

"Besides wandering out of the clinic every time I turn my back or leave the room? She's healing wonderfully, but she's going to cause some serious damage if she doesn't stay in bed and rest."

"You know her," he said as he lay her sleeping form back on the bed. "If she's not causing someone trouble, she's not happy."

"Truer words were never spoken, Mr. Vakarian."

"Please, Doc, call me Garrus."

"Very well, Garrus." His mandibles clicked nervously as he rubbed his talons together.

"Hey, uh, Doc." He said, bobbing one of his legs up and down. She looked up from her data pad at him, over the rim of her glasses. "I'm sorry, for how I acted."

"What on Earth are you on about?"

"The day she got hurt, when I yelled at you. I was out of line."

"Don't spare another thought on it, Garrus," she said, waving a hand dismissively. "I heard the conversation you had just had. That could not have been easy to hear." He relaxed, and rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the Commander.

"No, it really wasn't," he said. The memories of it flashed in his head again and he cringed.

"You obviously care for her a great deal."

"Yeah, well," he laughed. "She makes it pretty impossible not to."

"It's true. She has always had that effect on people, I'm afraid."

"Why do you think that is?" Garrus asked. Enjoying the sight of the doctor becoming informal.

"I think it's just because she's so genuine. She honestly cares about her people. Taking the time to get to know everyone and what they need and doing everything in her power to give it to them."

Garrus had to agree. She had only known him for a month before she made sure to make a stop at the MSV Fedele to help him finally get Dr. Saleon. And when the moment came to shoot him, she convinced him it wasn't the right choice, told him that they'll never know what he's really been up to or what he had done to the hostages. Then the Doctor refused to be taken in and drew his gun, decidedly getting himself killed. When Garrus asked what the point to all of it was if he died anyway she had said:

_You can't control how people will react, Vakarian. All you can do is control how you'll_ _respond. In the end, that's what really matters._

He admitted then to not knowing anyone like her.

"She does seem to just..." He paused, weighing his words. "Know what to say to people."

"I think it's her childhood as a 'street rat' she calls it, that really puts her in tune with what people need."

"How would growing up an orphan do that?"

"Well when you live on the streets, learning how to survive, you learn very quickly how to read people. To hear what they are really saying, predict what they will do next. Anytime she was wrong, she would end up paying a dear price. I doubt she's even aware that she does it, it's like an instinct to her now. She doesn't know what every little micro expression means, but she see's them, and subconsciously reacts to it."

"Micro-expressions?"

"Yes, take turians as an example. You can control your mandibles as you see fit, but unconsciously they move when you are feeling certain things, yes? It's the same thing with humans. For instance; with most people, when they're in an uncomfortable conversation, if they cross their arms they are subconsciously feeling insecure, trying to create a boundary. If you ask her, she doesn't know that. But when she see's someone do it, her brain subconsciously reacts, and she understands it. It's instinctual to her."

"Interesting..." There was a long silence then.

"She learned a lot of hard lessons as a child. I'm constantly amazed that she is able to keep a smile on her face and keep such a positive outlook on life." A sadness came into the doctors eyes, though maybe she was just tired. Garrus never claimed to be good at reading human emotion.

"It's obvious you care a great deal about her," Garrus said, intentionally repeating her.

"Yes, I surely do."

* * *

><p>When they pulled into port for supplies, Shepard demanded everyone take twenty-four hours of shore leave before they head to Virmire. Garrus was sorry she and Dr. Chakwas weren't able to take it with them. Shepard because she was confined to the Med Bay to heal, Dr. Chakwas by choice. Not really having anything else he wanted to do, he brought his bag of souvenirs back to the ship and headed down to keep the Commander company.<p>

"Garrus!" Shepard called, reaching for him. "Would you _please_ get Mother Hen here to take some shore leave?"

"Out of the question, Commander," she said. "I know you too well to think you'll stay in bed if I leave." Shepard threw her head back on the pillow exasperated.

"What is the point of being Commander if your crew can disobey? Mutiny, Doc. _Mutiny_!" she shouted with fists in the air. Garrus didn't even attempt to hide his laughter as he sat across from the Doctor.

"Doc, I've done everything I plan on doing, if you want to head out for a few hours I'll stay, make sure she doesn't wriggle out of bed."

"See?" Shepard said, pointing at Garrus. "See look. Garrus will sit on my legs and make sure I don't get out of bed. Now will you please go?" The Doctor narrowed her eyes and stood slowly. Stopping by Garrus and pointing in his face.

"She does not get out of bed unless the ship is on fire, are we clear, Mr. Vakarian?"

"Clear, Doc. You can count on me." He couldn't help but be entertained. The doctor was more like Shepard's mother than her actual mother probably would have been. As soon as she was out of sight up the stairs, Shepard sat up to leave.

"Jiminy Christmas," She exclaimed. "I owe you one, Garrus, I thought she would never leave." Garrus put an arm across her chest to stop her from getting out.

"Are you going to actually _make_ me sit on your legs?"

"What?"

"You're not getting out of bed."

"Are you serious?"

He didn't say anything, just exhaled through his nose to make his point.

"As your Commanding Officer, I _command_ that you let me out of this bed!"

"Sorry, Shepard. You made me the Commanding Officer until you're well again. I currently outrank you."

"Bullshit, and you know it!"

"Yeah well, you're not getting out of bed anyway." She laid back down, slamming her head into the pillow pouting.

"I am seriously going to kill every one of you."

"Why do you keep trying to get out? Don't you want to get well? Do you _want_ to cause some sort of long-lasting-damage?"

"No. I just hate being in this room."

"Why?"

"It reminds me of a hospital."

"It _is_ a hospital."

"Exactly," she said with a smile, like he made her point for her. He just waited for her to elaborate, and she didn't for the longest time. When she looked at him and realized he wanted her to explain, she sighed. "People die in hospitals, Garrus. It smells like death, it looks like death, and it's where people go when I've failed to protect them so I can have a front row seat as they flat-line."

Garrus was stunned. He hadn't expected anything like that from her. It was obviously connected to a painful memory, one she likely didn't want to talk about. He wasn't very good at heart-felt talks so he cleared his throat.

"Well here," he rumbled, rummaging through the bag, trying to lighten the mood. "Maybe this will take your mind off it and help relieve the boredom." He removed four books from the bag and sat them on the side table next to her.

"Garrus," she said with a hand on her chest, sitting up. "They're books! Not data pads or programs, they're actual books!"

"Yeah, I was surprised I actually found some from Earth. There was an antique shop in the city so I thought I'd take a chance."

"These must have cost you a fortune," she said. "Take them back."

"What's money going to be worth if Saren brings back the Reapers and kills us all?"

"Good point," she said taking one in her hands. She ran her hand down the leather cover with an almost reverence, wide eyed. Garrus smiled, pleased with himself, pleased with how much she seemed to like it. She opened the cover and slowly ran her fingers down the first page. It had words written on it, but he didn't recognize any of them. She held the book to her face and inhaled through her nose. "The smell of ink and paper and history." She held the book out for him to smell and he put his hand up.

"I uh, can smell it from here," he said smiling. "Didn't know you liked to smell them too."

"It smells like family." Garrus thought he saw a tear forming in her eye, but decided he was mistaken. "Thank you, Garrus. You don't know what this means to me." But he could see it in her face. The reverence. The awe. It made him happy to finally do something for her. The silence seemed endless, but she didn't seem to notice it, too absorbed in her book. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what.

"Why did you pick me?" he asked finally. He was going to try to just break the silence, but the question had been bugging him since it happened, and he had to know.

"Pick you what?" she said, still not really paying attention, looking through the books.

"When you were hurt, and you put me in charge. Why was it me?"

"Garrus."

"It's been bothering me, Shepard. You haven't known me as long as the humans on your crew, Pressley was technically next in the chain. And I'm a turian on an Alliance vessel. It just doesn't make any sense."

Her head tilted to the side as she thought, her eyes dancing across his face, giving him that look she had given him when they had first met. That appraising glance that used to make him nervous as she weighed his value. Finally she spoke.

"Why didn't you tell the Council that I was in critical condition?" she said.

He wasn't sure what her point was, but he answered anyway. "Because they would have grounded us. You made me promise to keep the mission going. If the Council was informed, and you ended up dying, so too would have our chances of stopping Saren. We'd have been back at the Citadel sorting through bureaucratic crap until the Reapers returned and killed us all. At least if I kept it quiet I'd have a shot."

"Exactly," she said. Feeling triumphant. "You're the only one I _knew _would make that call. No one else really knows what is at stake here. Pressley hasn't been on the missions, hasn't seen what we've seen. He's a good XO but, I don't think he has what it takes to do what is necessary. Think about the other options; Alenko is too emotionally invested, would have spent way too much time mourning and probably give up. Ashley is too good a soldier to not report back to the Alliance. Plus she's incredibly hot headed. If she didn't get herself killed, she would get someone else killed. Wrex and Tali aren't leaders. Liara is a _child, _for fuck sake. That leaves you. You are not _so_ emotionally attached to me that it would cause you to lose sight of the mission, but still trust and respect me enough that you would honor what I told you. No one else on this boat has the capacity to lead like you do. I needed someone who had that fire in their belly, who understood what was at stake, and trusted me enough that they would do what I told them needed to be done. When the moment came and I thought it might be my last order, I didn't even have to think about who to give it to. I said it then, and I'll say it again: That is why I chose you. That's why I brought you along. I needed someone else like me."

He hadn't thought about it that way. It actually made perfect sense. Process of elimination at it's finest. He thought it was just a gesture she made to make sure he didn't beat himself up for not being there to protect her. But she truly and honestly believed that if she had died, he would get the job done without her. He couldn't help but smile.

"You always know just what to say," he said.

"I'm not trying to make you feel better, you schmuck," she insisted. "It's the truth. If I had died and you didn't follow through on getting Saren, I would have been _so _pissed."

"You would have been dead."

"Yeah. Dead and pissed." They laughed together for the rest of the evening, waiting for the crew to finish their shore leave.


	6. Past

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>The weeks passed and Shepard recovered. Not fully, but well enough that she could sleep in her own quarters and didn't need constant monitoring. She started doing her daily rounds again, even going down into the Cargo Hold to punch the bags around to keep her strength up. Though she was careful not to overdo it so she didn't have to go back into the Med Bay for extended period's of time.<p>

There was a ruckus in the Mess Hall one night as Garrus entered. The entire crew seemed to have congregated there.

"What's going on?" Garrus asked Tali as he took the seat next to her, a fresh drink in his hands.

"Some crewmen asked me to hack our signal so we could intercept and exposé on Shepard airing from Earth. It's about to come on so the crew is completely excited."

"Well this should be fun," he said, entertained. He noticed Joker a table over. "If you're here, who is flying the ship?"

"The auto-pilot, man," he said waving a hand dismissively. "It'll be fine."

"Comforting."

He looked over at the Commander who was sharing a few good laughs with the crew before everyone started hushing everyone else.

"This is Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, with Westerlund News, exposing the path to glory for the first human specter, Alliance Commander; Jane Shepard."

The whole crew cheered, raising glasses to her, Garrus was no exception. Shepard just smiled, laughing to herself as everyone hushed each other again. There was a twenty minute story on her military life, telling the tale of the Skyllian Blitz. It cut to a snippet of a recorded conversation she had while the blitz took place. While her voice came over the screen, a picture of her was displayed, receiving the Star of Terra. It told of her protecting the civilians who had raised arms to hold the position, and her unwillingness to abandon them.

The whole crew whooped again, some people patting her on the back. She put a hand over her face, laughing, obviously enjoying the support she was receiving. After more tales of the Star of Terra ceremony, and other snippets of her military life, it cut back to the reporter.

"But where did Jane Shepard really come from? Why is she so determined to never lose a crewman or sacrifice innocent civilians? Why does she weigh every other possible option before resulting to casualties? We here at Westerlund News are proud to report that we have found out.

The earliest known record of Jane Shepard is when she was found at the age of three by the proprietor of Safe Anchorage Orphanage, Shelly Bourneim, in New York city. She was badly malnourished and taken in by the proprietor, where she was affectionately named "Jane Doe" for her lack of birth records. It was there that she grew up until the age of ten, where she became close friends with another little girl two years younger, Deelia Shepard, according to Bourneim." A picture of an orphanage and all the children living there was displayed on the screen, zooming in on two girls hugging. One blonde one, and one curly red headed one. The crowd all had a long "awwwwwwww", at the sight of her as a child.

"No, they couldn't have," Shepard said. It was so soft only Garrus' superior hearing caught it under the sound from the broadcast, and even he wasn't sure he had heard her correctly. He was entertained to see Shepard as a child only until he looked at her and saw that her jaw had set. Tight. Tighter than he had ever seen it. Her easy hands had become shivering fists on the table. Even when she lay in the Med Bay, possibly dying, a gaping hole through her abdomen, shouting at him, he hadn't seen the look she was giving now. But he had seen it many times on others, and he knew it too well not to know what it was.

It was fear.

"When Jane Doe was ten years old, eight for her adoptive sister, Deelia, they were on their way back to the orphanage one night after picking up supplies for the other children at a local shelter. With armfuls of various supplies, they were stopped by an impoverish duo of two adult men, police reports say..."

Shepard scoffed.

"...They forced the young girls to give them what they had, and reports indicate that they were both beaten badly. Further details were too explicit for this broadcast."

The hush that settled over the room was devastating.

"A young Jane then called an ambulance for them, the following is the call that was recorded."

"9-1-1 what is your emer-"

"Please help," came a frantic, tiny voice. "My sister has been hurt badly. We are on Marigold Street by an Italian restaurant. She's very hurt, please help me. I don't know what to do, _I_ _don't_ _know_ _what to do_, tell me how to save her, please! She's all I have!"

"Alright sweety, calm down. I'm sending a unit out now, stay on the phone with me..."

The recording cut out.

"A local reporter who was researching the increasing crime rate, and the terrible conditions for the poor, followed the sirens to New York General Hospital where the girls were unloaded. The following was captured. We warn you, however, that the images we are about to see are disturbing and not recommended for children."

The screen went to an old vid of the two girls being carted into the, obviously already overcrowded, hospital lobby. One little blonde unconscious girl, and a tiny red headed one were strapped to gurneys. Jane was thrashing in hers as they tried to restrain her with leather straps around her wrists and ankles. One eye was swollen shut, the other was wide, furious, and a very familiar vivid green. She was barely wearing any clothes. Her body was covered in wounds and bloody gashes. Her thighs were stained with her blood. She screamed.

"DEELIA, NO," the girl cried. She pulled as hard as she could against the restraints around her wrists.

"Please, honey," the nurse said. "We need to take a look at you."

"NO! Don't help me! Help her! Help Deelia! DEE! DON'T DIE, DEELIA PLEASE! SAVE HER! OH GOD!" she screamed, trying to kick out of her restraints. Her voice was screeching and going hoarse but she kept screaming, kept thrashing, kept fighting. Her face poured tears of determination. Anger. Her wrists were turning purple where she was pulling against the leather straps. There was another few seconds of it before an off-screen voice spoke to the camera man.

"Alan, turn it off, this isn't what I wanted. This is horrible."

The video clicked off and returned to the reporter.

It was like a nightmare. So blatantly unreal that he couldn't have possibly actually seen it. But just a glance around the room at the faces of the crew told him it had not only been real, but just as devastating to all of them. The women in the crew all had tears in their eyes, or were looking away. The men all pain stricken or angry.

Garrus was seething.

Her words from a few weeks ago echoed in his head.

_It's_ _where people go when I've failed to protect them so I can have_ _a front row seat as_ _they_ _flat-line._

He looked at Shepard again, her head was pointed at the screen and her jaw was set, refusing to look defeated, to give the reporters the satisfaction that they had conquered her. She took a deep breath and folded her hands in front of her, and the cold Commander mask was very quickly in place.

"Deelia Shepard died on November Third, the very date the Commander, adopting the last name of her dead companion, uses as her birthday. Shelly Bourneim of Safe Anchorage never saw her again and all record of her disappears until she joins the military seven years later, as Jane Shepard. Even as disheartening as the story is, it speaks of a woman who has fought for her survival at every turn, and eventually, come out on top. It speaks to the sheer determination and willpower of our Commander Jane Shepard. We offer a humble thanks to the memory of Deelia Shepard. It is because of her, that Commander Shepard became the hero that she is tod-" Whoever had the remote flicked the exposé off after that. The silence was painful.

"Well," she said with a smile. "Such is the price of fame, I suppose," she laughed, and cleared her throat nervously as she stood. "Well thank you all very much for sitting with me. I'm sorry that it took such a turn for the depressing, but I hope that doesn't dissuade you from joining me for dinner in the future. I assure you there are no more dirty little secrets in my past that can be dug up, so this will hopefully be a one-time-only-depressing-ass-dinner-date." She laughed again, and rubbed the back of her neck. The crowd was uncomfortable to say the least. "I also hope that knowing where I came from doesn't have any effect on our mission, or how you feel about me, both as a person, and as your commanding officer." She almost looked happy. If Garrus didn't know better, he'd say that she was completely unaffected by the ordeal. With that, she excused herself and went up the stairs toward the star map.

The room was silent long after she left.

"That's heavy," Joker finally said.

"Yeah. That was really hard to watch," said engineer Adams.

"Oh, poor, poor, Shepard," said a crew member.

"Don't," Pressley chirped up angrily. "Obviously this story was only made public because she is famous now. I don't know how they were allowed to air something so horrible, but If she had wanted it on public record, it would have been. I know we all care about her and it was...devastating to say the least. But she's still the Commander we know and love and I'm sure she wants to keep it that way. Don't let this make you feel differently about her. We all have a few skeletons in the closet so respect Shepard's and resume as normal."

A quiet consensus went through the room. Tali sniffled and cried under her mask, shaking her head. "I had no idea it was that bad for her," she said softly.

Garrus didn't know what to do. His talons were digging into his palms so hard he had started to bleed. How could anyone _do_ that to a child? How could her _own_ people betray her so outright? Anyone with half a brain could guess that she didn't want something like that coming to the surface, not to mention broadcasting across the traverse. The image of her, so young, so broken and beaten... still fighting. Her thighs bloodied from where they had... had...

He suddenly felt the need to kill someone.

* * *

><p>He washed his hands of the blood and changed out of his armor, into his civvies, then took the elevator down to the Port Cargo Hold where he planned to release his rage on some unsuspecting punching bags. He took a step out of the elevator when he smelled her, and heard her grunting.<p>

_Always two steps_ _ahead_ _of_ _me, aren't_ _you,_ _Shepard?_

He paused outside the door, listening. Wondering if he should go in. Did she want to be alone? Did she need someone to talk to? Garrus wasn't good at this sort of thing.

But fighting... Fighting he could do.

When he entered she was beating the punching bag so hard she didn't hear the door hiss open and shut. He approached her from behind, hoping he would think of something to say before he got there. Sensing someone behind her she turned in one fluid motion, instinctively, her fist flying toward his chest. When she realized it was Garrus it was too late.

He caught her fist in his hand an inch from impact, and they stood there like that for a while.

"Hey," he said, looking down at her.

"Hey," she replied, sweating and panting.

"You need to work on your form. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy, Shepard," he taunted, shaking his head. He was doing his best not to treat her any differently. Much to his relief, she smiled at him.

"Oh is that right?" She panted. "You think you can do better?"

He laughed condescendingly. "What a stupid question. It's almost as if you think you actually have a chance. It's adorable, really."

"Oh that is _it_, dinosaur boy, bring it!" Her eyes were playful but he could see the darkness in them.

He rolled out his neck, laughing. "Well if you don't mind getting embarrassed, fine."

The fight started out fun enough. Garrus had been meaning to come down here and work out his shoulder anyway, even better that he could help Shepard while he was at it, and release some of this rage he had inside him. Not to mention that she was superb; Every blow he threw she blocked beautifully. It went on like that for minutes, like a dance, rather than a fight. He was obviously more powerful, but she was fast. _Too _fast. He had trouble keeping up with her. She dodged a left swipe, driving her elbow into the crook of his arm as it soared past her. He roared with pain and blindly swiped as he spun around, slashing a gash into her shoulder. She didn't notice, or if she had she didn't show it.

That was when he smelled her blood.

He smelled it several seconds before it made itself apparent, seeping through her shirt. Garrus was familiar with the scent, he had smelled it many times before, usually while fighting beside her. He would know it anywhere. But this time it was different. A predatorial surge went through him, his mandibles clicked anxiously. His talons twitched, ached almost. A low growl started in his chest. He looked her up and down, from eyes to toes and back up. Her vivid green eyes were taunting him.

Something was terribly wrong.

But he was thinking too hard. It cost him valuable seconds. Eventually he was on the ground, her knees in his shoulders, leaning over his face. He winced with her weight on his wounded shoulder.

"Is that all you got, _turian_? I thought your people were supposed to be good at this."

Shepard thought he sounded quite a lot like a jungle cat, growling like he was. She knew he was dangerous, but she was angry and needed to hurt something. Dangerous was exactly how she needed him. She needed the fight drained out of her.

"You're playing with fire, here, Shepard," he warned, trying to buy himself time. Talk himself down. She didn't know what she was doing. She was a human, how could she understand?

She flicked her head to get the few wisps of hair out of her face, carelessly, like she had all the time in the world. "Some apex-predator you are."

He heaved his unwounded shoulder so she rolled off him. She was back on her feet, gracefully, in a matter of moments. Garrus took his time, his talons dug into the mat under him as he slowly hoisted himself up, then they were back in the dance, exchanging blows. He wasn't just brawling with a comrade, he was fighting a battle internally. His predatory urges were making his blood hot, but she wasn't a turian. He had to keep reminding himself of that.

Why did he have to keep reminding himself of that? _Of course_ she wasn't a turian.

But his senses couldn't tell what she was. They were only picking up one signal.

_Predator._

The smell of her blood was intoxicating, and it was getting harder and harder to fight his instincts. He was disoriented, his head was spinning, he had never had to fight his instincts so hard to not dominate his opponent. She wasn't a turian. She wasn't a threat. She was his friend. He was supposed to be helping her, damn it.

She took his leg out while he was disoriented and he toppled to his knees, she quickly twisted his arm around his back, and screwed it up behind him. She knew it had to be painful, and she was rewarded when he roared angrily, his growl moving now to his throat. Louder. Deeper. She leaned down, getting her face close to his ear.

"I have to say, I'm rather disappointed, Vakarian," she cooed. "Is this why you left the turian military? Couldn't hack the hand-to-hand?"

He reached behind him with his free arm, and wrapped a taloned hand around the back of her neck. With an impressive show of strength, lifted her over his head and slammed her onto her back in front of him. She grunted and scrambled under his grip. The sight of her struggling made his talons itch.

She lifted her legs back over her head, contorting in a way a turian female would never be able to. Her legs wrapped around his neck, crossing her ankles behind his head over his shoulder ridge. She roared with effort as she flipped him over her so he landed, now on _his_ back in front of her. She had meant to keep him in a headlock with her legs, but felt something in her stomach pop and she knew she had re-ruptured something. She scrambled to get to her feet, but he was too fast, his leg swept hers out from under her and she landed on the flat of her back. And before she even had a chance to react or figure out how to get up, his huge talon wrapped around her ankle and pulled her. And just like that he was on top of her, looming over her, his right talon next to her head, holding him up, his left tight on her throat. He had a knee on either side of her hips, holding her in place. Their faces no more than a foot away from each other. Each of his claws piercing her skin just enough to make blood bead under them.

"That's what I'm talkin' about, Vakarian" she said smiling at him. She swatted him, open handed, on the shoulder in a show of camaraderie. She could feel his breath on her face.

He didn't hear her. He was too busy listening to her heart beat, feeling it under his fingers. Watching her chest pump with her deep, tired breaths. Her heartbeat was furious, but not frantic. It wasn't a prey response, it was exhilarated. His mandibles clicked as his fierce blue eyes sketched every detail of her face. Her hair had been in a knot on top of her head, but it had come loose and her hair fanned out under her in loose, lazy, crimson curls.

It was the first time he ever truly thought she was beautiful. Not by human standards. By his own.

She tried to turn her head to cough, but couldn't under his grasp. She grunted, trying to pull his hand away.

His grip tightened and his growl surged, thrilled that she would try to escape even now. It wasn't the same growl she had heard when he normally battled. It was different. Primal. For the briefest moment, so brief anyone else wouldn't have picked up on it, she was afraid of him.

"_Garrus_," she beckoned urgently, "you win." Her voice had become gravely like there was fluid in her throat.

That snapped him out of it. He shook his head as if to clear it.

_What's __**wrong**_ _with me?_

"Well..." he cleared his throat, letting go of hers. "That aught to teach you," he said, trying to recover. His head was still spinning, like he was coming down from a high. She turned her head as she sat up, still under him, and coughed into her hand, blood speckling her palm. Garrus felt her coughs as her chest heaved against his own. "Oh god, Shepard," he said helping her up, only now really noticing the blood on her shoulder, throat, and lips. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be, Garrus," she took his hand with her clean one and let him help her up. "It was a good fight. If I hadn't popped something in my stomach I would have made you my bitch."

He laughed, once, trying to sound condescending, but unable to shake the euphoria. "Whatever you need to tell yourself, human."

* * *

><p>After a lecture from the doctor, not as long as usual as she probably didn't have the heart for it after the dinner debacle, she was patched up and laying in her bed. Chakwas, softy that she was, agreed to treat her in her cabin just this once. So there she lay, in her bed, thinking. About the night. About the brawl. About that sound he had made...<p>

Her door whooshed open and Garrus' frame filled the doorway.

"Permission to enter, Commander," he said.

"Sure Garrus, please," she attempted to sit up to greet him as he came to sit by her side, but only made it to her elbows.

"Sorry I got you back on bed rest," he said.

"Please, don't be so cocky. If I hadn't been pre-wounded you wouldn't have had a chance."

He laughed. She obviously didn't know how the fight had affected him. How he had almost lost control and killed her. How could she? She wasn't a turian, she didn't understand the culture. She mocked him when he called himself and apex-predator, but it was really quite accurate for his kind. When a turian's battle instincts kick in they are almost always dangerous. A female of his own kind picks up on that as stimulation, but every other species usually saw it as terrifying. It wasn't his fault, it was part of his genetic code, but that didn't make him feel any better about it. He couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why his instincts _had _kicked in. He had sparred with many friends in the past, other turian's, _female _turian's at that. Never once did he have to battle his predatory side like he just had. He must have been angrier and more frustrated than he thought if he was losing control that easily. He promised himself it would never happen again.

"Thank you," she said, laying back down.

"For what? Hurting you? You're welcome. Anytime," he groaned. Sarcasm dripped from his words.

"Seriously," she said laughing. "Stomach rupture and all, I needed it. After that... nightmare."

Silence.

"So," he said clapping his hands together once. "I see why you hate the Med Bay so much."

"Yeah," she said with a laugh. "I think about her every time I go in there."

He exhaled through his nose and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Shepard," he started.

"Ugh," she said putting the heels of her palms over her eyes. "You too."

"Me too, what?"

"It's pity," she sighed, letting her hands fall in her lap. "I guess it was too much to hope that at least you would be unaffected."

"It's not pity, Shepard. I just... I mean, that's a horrible thing we all witnessed out there."

"I know," she sighed. "I guess I'm just going to have to get used to losing everyone's respect. I guess you were the only one I expected to hang on to."

"Why would anyone respect you less? Me _especially._" He wasn't sure what surprised him more. That she had said it, or that it had hurt him.

"You saw it," she said pointing in a general direction. "Weak little Jane Doe, a nobody from no where, broken and bloody, screaming over her dead sister... friend... whatever."

His features softened, as much as turian's features could. He leaned his elbows on his knees looking down at the floor. "That's certainly not what _**I **_saw."

She looked at him, her head tilting to the side as he turned his head too look over at her.

"I saw the same vibrant, strong, determined bad ass I've seen since day one. Years younger but with just as much fight in her as ever. Doing what, I realize now, she's always done; fighting for what she believes in." Her eyebrows upturned, as if she was sad, or in pain. Her lips parted just slightly. Garrus had no idea what the emotion was supposed to read as, but the silence made him uncomfortable. "Sure everyone is going to be sad for you for a few days, we care about you, and that scene was heart breaking. But no one is going to disrespect you, and no one is going to forget who you are, or what you've accomplished. If anything they'll respect you more now that they know what hell you went through to get where you are. And I, personally, feel like murdering a few, specific, people now, but my opinion of _you_ certainly hasn't changed. My friendship is hard to earn, Shepard. And once it's in place it's incredibly hard to shake._"_ After a little more silence, her sad eyes staring into his, his mandibles clicked uncomfortably and he rubbed the back of his neck, looking at the floor again. "So ah... I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

She grinned, and leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his shoulders from behind and resting her head on the back of shoulder. "Thank you, Garrus."

He smiled and leaned back a little to look at her.

"I uh..." he cleared his throat. "I know it's not something you want to talk about, and I'm not going to pretend I'm any good at talking about things like that, but, you know. If you ever _do_ want to... talk, that is... I'm here."

"I know," she said finally, smiling with her eyes.


	7. Sacrifice

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>He moved back to the chair and they chatted for a few hours after that, not really about anything specific. They laughed, like they always did together. She sat up against the wall to talk to him, and they talked like there was nothing out of the usual. It made her feel better, like what was in her past didn't matter to him. When an awkward silence finally came around, she folded her hands over each other, took a deep breath, and spoke.<p>

"It was my shortcut," she said.

"Hmmm? What shortcut?"

"The alleyway, the night Dee died."

He sat up in the reclining chair he had been leaning back in.

"I had taken it probably a thousand times before that, coming back from the shelter," she sighed. "The one time I bring Deelia with me, I get her killed."

"Shepard," he saw how sad it made her, he had no idea she had been blaming herself for it, rather than the men, all this time. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I tried to fight them off, I really did. But then they started hurting her to make me sit still so they could... well." She cleared her throat. "I did what they wanted but she ended up dead anyway. Shows what I knew."

Garrus stayed quiet. If she wanted to talk he was going to let her, but he didn't really know what to say in situations like this. Besides vowing to murder any and everyone involved with it, which he had planned on doing anyway, he didn't really think he had anything to say that would make her feel better.

"The days back at the orphanage were just different after that. Anytime someone would touch me, even by accident, I would freak out. I couldn't sleep and when I did I just had nightmares, disturbing the other kids. Potential parents would see me freak out and ask what was wrong with me, then after hearing would be sad, but decide they didn't want to adopt a little girl with that much baggage. After a few weeks of that, I left... Kept to the quiet libraries, read books about all the things I thought life should have been made up of; dragons, princesses, love, friendship, victory."

"But you always touch me now, and I see you touch everyone else," he said. "How did you get over that?"

"Yeah. I started that when I joined the military. Went out of my way to touch people while I talked to them, to try and get over the freak outs. It got me into trouble from time to time, actually. I had been in the military for two years before people started sneaking up on me without getting punched in the throat. It just sort of became habit after that. Now I don't even think about it."

"You seem rather stable, considering."

"I'm really okay with it now, I mean you and I have become so close that I probably would have told you anyway, had you asked. But... I mean that was definitely not the way I wanted it to come to the surface."

"Yeah I can imagine. I could strangle that reporter who released the video."

"You can't blame them," she said. "She didn't run the story back when it happened, it was too gruesome. But now I'm famous, so that vid is probably worth a lot of money. Westerlund news just payed the highest price. They were probably just trying to feed children, or themselves. You can't blame them."

"Well tell me who to blame so I can kill them when next I see them."

"Well," she laughed. "The men who are responsible are probably dead by now just from starvation or getting killed in the streets. But even they were probably mentally unstable, just surviving like we were, albeit at the expense of others... I don't know. It's over you know? I buried Deelia and the trauma it all produced a long time ago. I still have some... ehhh... let's call them 'intimacy issues', according to Chakwas, but dwelling on it does nothing but make me and those around me feel bad. So what's the point? Move on, right?"

"I suppose."

"Besides. Without that I would probably have been adopted sooner or later, by two people who would have loved and nurtured me, then I would have never been angry enough to join the military, and then I never would have met you, and we never would have saved the galaxy."

"How dare you," he said, faking offense. "I could have saved the galaxy without you."

"Oh? From your desk at C-Sec?"

"I... have my ways..."

They laughed again. He was stunned when she talked about her attackers as if they were just pour souls who didn't know any better. She had dealt with the pain of it, and made herself stronger with it. She never ceased to amaze him.

* * *

><p>They talked for a few more hours before they both fell asleep. Shepard in her bed, Garrus in the reclining chair he had been sitting in. When he woke the next morning he was sweating and she was gone. Not realizing how hot he already ran, she had put a blanket over him. Obviously a human blanket since his feet stuck out of the bottom. He laughed to himself and pulled the blanket off. He sat up and looked around the room for her but she wasn't there. He stretched his arms over his head as she came through the door, dressed in her black leather casuals, her fringe was wet and flowing down her shoulders in careless curls. She was running some sort of toothed instrument through it.<p>

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he stood, observing the weird ritual.

"Great. Not like a wimp like you could do any real damage." She noticed the confusion on his face. "What?"

"Your fringe is darker. And longer. And weird looking."

"My what?"

"Ah... your hair."

"It's wet," she flicked it over her shoulder and it made a moist "_thwap_" sound "I just showered."

"What are you doing to it?"

"I'm brushing it. If I don't brush it out it gets all tangled and I can't put it up. You know how I put it up? Like it's usually..." She laughed and let her hands fall to her sides. "It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have hair."

He approached her and took a handful of it in his talon, rubbing it between his fingers, obviously intrigued. Her scent was overpowering. She had washed away all the other scents that masked her natural smells and just smelled purely... like her.

"That's... the weirdest thing I've ever seen," he said. "So it absorbs the water?"

"Yeah. It's malleable like... like..."

"Like bread?"

"Yeah like...what? No. Not like bread." She laughed. "I manipulate it into different shapes, and put it up in a knot when he have a mission. So I guess it's more like clay? We're the opposite of your people. Our skin is resistant to water, but the stuff on _our _heads absorbs it."

She was right, there were a few droplets on her shoulder that stood there defiantly before rolling down her arm.

Her doors whooshed open again.

"Commander, I just wanted to-" Kaidan froze in his tracks. The scene was very easily misunderstood. It was early in the morning, Garrus had obviously been there all night, his head was coming up from her shoulder, and his hand was going through her hair. The Lieutenant's face flushed with either anger or embarrassment. Probably both. "Oh, I'm sorry I-"

"Do you need something, Lieutenant?" She didn't try to defuse the situation or back away. She stood her ground in front of him and didn't even attempt to make it look less incriminating. Garrus smiled as he realized that she was enjoying his awkwardness.

"I, uh..." he cleared his throat. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Not if you need me for something."

"No, I was just going to see if you were alright, Commander."

"I'm feeling wonderful, Alenko, thank you. Garrus watched over me _all_ night."

Garrus laughed a little, and let her hair slowly slip out of his hand before turning to pick up his boots off the floor. Boots in one hand, he turned back to her and with a talon combed a stray curl from her face to behind her ear.

"Thanks, Shepard," he said to her. "I needed that." When he turned to leave, she swatted him on the butt in a friendly manner as he walked away.

"Me too, big guy," she said. Obviously enjoying the embarrassment in the Lieutenant's face. Garrus, pointed a thumb back at the Commander, looking at Kaidan.

Garrus was pretty sure he could feel the heat coming from the tiny man's face as he fumed.

* * *

><p>Their days went by almost normally after that. The crew was obviously a little upset by the vid but Shepard just acted like nothing was wrong, so eventually they all followed in step, like they always did. Garrus eventually explained to Alenko what had actually happened between them one day while fixing the Mako together, and he was entertained by the fact that the human had felt so threatened by him. He was honestly worried that the woman he had been trying so hard to impress and court was already taken by him, the turian.<p>

"Honestly, Kaidan," Garrus said from under the Mako, reaching for a wrench. "This is the first time the idea has even crossed my mind, and that's only because _you _brought it up."

"But she didn't explain anything or even try make it look like nothing was going on. Why does she do that?" Kaidan asked while handing the wrench to him.

"She just likes to get under your skin. She does it to me all the time."

"She does?"

"Definitely. Not in the same way, but makes fun of my shots or calls me ugly, whatever. I just know her well enough to know she's trying to get the best of me. So instead of letting it get to me, I just fire back at her."

"She does seem to prefer your company over anyone else. That's why it was so easy to believe that you two were... you know."

"We're completely different species, Kaidan. She says I look like a science fiction monster from your planet. I looked it up on the extranet. That doesn't seem to elude to a secret attraction," he said laughing.

"Then what am I doing wrong? All the other women on the ship find me attractive enough. But with her it's like wind hitting the side of a mountain."

"That's a perfect analogy."

"Yeah...wait why?"

"Well Shepard _is_ like a mountain. Your advances are like wind trying to make it move. Most women are like fire. Easily fueled by air, but also easily extinguished by it. But Shepard is strong, powerful, immovable. She's not like the others, which is, I'm assuming, what makes her so appealing. The same old tricks aren't going to work on her."

"Seems like you've thought about this a lot."

"Not really. Remember, you brought it up? But Shepard and I have a lot in common, despite our obvious differences. She likes spending time with me because our friendship is so unassuming."

"What do you mean, unassuming?"

Garrus slid out from under the Mako and propped himself up on his elbows. "Well, uh... like whenever we talk it's never 'Yes, Commander, Whatever you say, Commander, how can I help you, Commander?', and I'm not in love with her or in complete awe. It's more playful jabs and casual jokes, like we've been friends for years. She doesn't talk to me like a subordinate, so I don't talk to her like a superior. The only time I really do is when we're on the actual missions. Same goes for Tali, I think. She seems to get tired of the humans and how they seem to..." he weighed his words carefully. "Revere her."

"I think she's pretty obviously _worthy_ of reverence."

"I _absolutely_ agree," he said, pulling his legs out from under the machine. "But my reverence is always silent. Internal. I don't express it to her every chance I get. I don't have to. She just knows it. In fact, she probably doesn't even realize how I looked up to her in the beginning. But it's a friendship now. It doesn't need to be defined all the time."

"So I need to change, then?"

"I'm not going to say that, because I believe if you have to change to be with someone, you're not supposed to be with them. My dad always says that. But, the only thing that can move a mountain is another mountain..." He thought for a bit. "Or a mining laser I suppose, but I can't think of an analogy for that."

"What about water?" Kaidan offered.

"Are mountains made out of sand on Earth? Maybe that's why Shepard's always trying to drive over them."

Kaidan laughed.

"No, but after time erosion happens, right? Slowly wearing down the stone."

"That's a good point," Garrus said with a laugh. "And I wish you the best of luck with it. But I don't want to get you're hopes of. A woman like Shepard, she needs someone like her."

"Someone like you," he offered. Not angrily, just trying to understand.

That made him pause. The truth in it resounded in him. "Sure," he said after a beat. "But, like I said, if you have to change, it's not right. And I may not have to change my personality at all, but I would have to change one very tiny detail: My entire species." he laughed. "I mean if she was a turian I probably would have given it a go by now. Gods know I respect her enough. She would be... what is it you humans say... prime real estate... in the turian world. Strong, beautiful, vicious. Hell much more worthy men than I would be clamoring for her attentions if that were the case. But it's not like that with us. We are genetically tailored to find our own species attractive, that's how we survive as a species... So I don't like soft and squishy, and she doesn't like dangerous and incredibly sexy."

They both had a good laugh after that.

* * *

><p>They did a few test missions in the interim so Shepard could make sure she was fit for battle before storming Saren's front porch with a gun and a smile. They stopped to do a favor for Wrex, recovering his ancestors battle armor, which was heavily guarded. They managed to kill everything, get the armor, and no one coughed up blood.<p>

Shepard counted that as a win.

Chakwas still said she needed a few more days of rest, but they were at Virmire and they didn't have any more time to waste. She was healthy enough and Saren wasn't getting any more evil, so the time to act was at hand.

This was it. And a stomach ache wasn't going to keep her out of it.

Garrus drove the Mako through the waters of Virmire, Wrex manned the guns and cheered every time he blew something up, and Shepard pouted every time Garrus went around a mountain. He laughed, telling her it was just as fast as going over it.

"That's not the point. It's like if I gave you a sniper rifle that shot grenades and said 'okay now you can only shoot _bullets_ out of this grenade launching sniper rifle'"

"It's nothing like that."

"It's _exactly _like that."

Finally they met up with the salarians who had sent the garbled distress call. Disappointed that they were the only help that was coming, they started working on a plan. Wrex was furious that they planned on destroying the cure to the genophage Saren had invented, but after being talked off the cliff, he realized that the cure only came at the cost of being mindless slaves to Saren and his sentient machine gods. Then they finally devised a plan, the Lieutenant was to join the salarians, since Shepard still didn't really trust Ashley to properly lead a force of _aliens_, and she sent the rest of her team to assemble the nuke, while she, Garrus, and Tali infiltrated the base.

The three of them worked like gears in a well oiled machine. Tali would hack a geth, it would keep the most powerful in the group busy while Shepard and Garrus picked off the weaker ones, and once the big one killed Tali's, the three of them unleashed hell on it.

They made their way into the heart of the compound, taking every opportunity to make the salarian's jobs easier. There was another beacon, almost identical to the one from Eden Prime, that gave Shepard an identical garbled vision and an identical splitting headache.

"Cheese and crackers," she cursed, swaying on her feet.

"I'm starting to think you like it, the way you never learn," Garrus protested.

"Shepard," Tali called from the control panel up the stairs. "Take a look at this."

The ominous glowing panel wasn't exactly friendly.

"I... don't think this is a V.I." Garrus pointed out after hearing the glowing, red hologram speak.

"Well now that we have a firm grasp on the _obvious,_" Shepard teased, trying to not panic.

"_There is a realm_ _of existence so far beyond_ _your own, you cannot even imagine it,"_ it bellowed in monotone. _"I am beyond your comprehension. I. Am Sovereign_."

"It's not just some Reaper ship Saren found. It's an actual Reaper."

"_Reaper._ _A label created by_ _the protheans to give voice to their destruction."_

The conversation went on like that until Shepard spewed a string of curses, most of which Garrus had never heard before. When she was done she looked between her comrades.

"We need to move. Fast."

"So let me get this straight," Tali said while they ran. "Sovereign is a Reaper, who indoctrinated Saren, has an army of geth, and belongs to a species of sentient star ships who lets organic life progress to its apex before harvesting all of it?"

"That's about the gist, yeah," Shepard replied, shooting a geth in the face while running.

"Oh, Keelah,"

"This is going to be _so _much fun, assuming we don't all die," Garrus said.

"See Tali?" Shepard said. "_Garrus_ is staying positive."

They charged into the compound and helped unload the nuke from the Normandy.

"Commander, can you read me?" crackled Kaidan's voice over the comm.

"Nuke is almost in place, get to the rendezvous point, Alenko."

"Negative, Commander, the geth have us pinned down at the AA tower."

"Go," Williams said. "I still need more time to set up the nuke."

Then it all went to hell.

"I'm activating the bomb."

"Chief, what are you doing?"

"Making sure this bomb goes off, no matter what," Williams said. There was a moment of silence before she came back. "It's done Commander, get Alenko and get the hell out of here."

"Negative," Kaidan protested. "We can handle ourselves, go back and get the Chief."

Shepard was gripping the railing so hard it creaked under the force. Her head hung low and her eyes darted around the ground, like she would find the answer that saved both of them. She knew she was damning whoever she didn't aid, and that she was quickly running out of time. Tali put her hand on the back of Shepard's shoulder, and Garrus stood next to her, putting his hand over her fist on the railing. Neither of them envied her.

"Orders, Commander," Garrus said, trying to urge her on. She turned her head to look at him, her eyes were red and threatening tears, but Garrus saw that she had already made the choice.

"Kaidan," she commanded, her voice revealing no sign of the sadness she was feeling. "Radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the AA tower.

"Y-Yes Commander."

"You know it's the right choice, LT," Williams said.

"I'm sorry, Ash," Shepard said as they ran. "I had to make a choice."

"It's okay, Commander. I don't regret a thing."

A chill settled in her gut as she watched Virmire go up in flames.


	8. Loyalty

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank ****you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>Later on the debriefing, Alenko was having a meltdown.<p>

"But why me? Was it because of _us_?" he asked, frantically.

"What _us_? There is no _us_." She spoke calmly but her voice had started to strain. "It had nothing to do with you, Kaidan."

Garrus thought Shepard should be offended at his ego, considering she had made the same choice he would have made, even with his dislike for the Gunnery Chief aside.

"How can you be so calm? Ashley is dead! Dead because of me! How could we just leave her behind? We killed her!"

"God damn it, Alenko. Shut up. I know survivors guilt is a bitch. No one knows that better than me. But someone had to make sure that nuke went off. If you had set the charges, you bet your ass it would have been _you_ getting blown up. If I had saved her, that gave the geth a chance to disable it before it went off, making everything we sacrificed worth nothing. She died making sure no one touched that bomb. And even if I _could _have saved her and make sure the bomb went off, I had to save as many as I could. If I saved Chief Williams, I saved her alone. Saving you also saved Commander Kirrahe and his men."

She wasn't quite shouting, but she was pretty obviously fighting it. It was only then that Garrus noticed how her hands were shivering on her knees.

"Commander," Liara chirped. "I know we are pressed for time, but you said you encountered another beacon on Virmire. If you'd like I could-"

"Fine, fine," she said standing. "Maybe it'll actually have a point to it this time."

After another almost pointless mind-meld with the Professor, she realized they needed to go to Ilos via the Mu Relay.

"Fantastic," She said, not sounding enthused at all. "Joker."

"Already on it, Commander. But there's an urgent message coming through. You should get to the galaxy map."

"Of course there is" she said, putting her hands on the back of her neck. "Crew dismissed."

They funneled out one by one. Silently. Once everyone was out of sight, Shepard removed a white handkerchief from her pocket and coughed into it several times. Hard. Harder than she had intended.

"Son of a bitch," she cursed quietly, not noticing Garrus had popped his head around the corner. He didn't need to see the blood in the handkerchief, the scent traveled too fast. His mandibles clicked subconsciously.

"You know how Chakwas loves to say 'I told you so'," he said.

"Damn your turian ears," she cursed, pissed that she hadn't waited long enough for him to not hear her. "And what would you have done without me, hmm? Who would _you_ have chosen to kill?"

"Commander, you didn't kill anyone. _Saren_ killed Williams."

"I know... doesn't make me feel any better about it."

"Yeah. I know," he said as he approached, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Shepard."

"Thanks, Garrus." She sighed and put her forehead on his armored chest.

He lifted his other hand to her other shoulder and just held her there while she composed her self, wishing he knew what to say. Several moments and deep breaths later she raised her head, much more composed than she had been.

"Well, let's get to the galaxy map. You know what goes _great_ with bad news?"

"More bad news?"

She winked and made a click noise with her tongue.

"You know it."

* * *

><p>Everyone couldn't help but feel relieved when the Commander announced that the Council had finally come around and that they were heading back to the Citadel for reinforcements. "I want the Normandy at the head of that fleet," she had shouted. And when they looked at her on the way back, anyone could see the hope renewed in her eyes. Finally they were listening to her. Finally they had heard reason. Maybe Williams' death wouldn't be for nothing. The fire in her gut was reignited and it made everyone she passed feel it too.<p>

The day or two it took them to get back to the Citadel flew by. Shepard burst out of the elevator door.

"Garrus," she called.

"Shepard?"

"We have a Council meeting to get to," she said both to him and into the comm. "That means you too Ms. Vas Nema Nar'Raya."

"M-me, Commander?" she said.

"Yes you. I want the people who witnessed talking to Sovereign with me."

The quarian didn't even respond, just burst out of the engineering doors and fell in line as Garrus clacked his boot buckles into place.

* * *

><p>The meeting didn't go well.<p>

"What?" she half-shouted, stunned. "We _have _to meet him head on! If we wait until he brings the Reapers through it'll be too late!"

"Try and see this from our perspective, Commander," the asari councilor droned. She talked about proof and the inability to cause a war with the Terminus Systems, saying that the Reapers had to be a myth and keeping the fleet where they were was the best option. Garrus had stopped listening because he had heard it all before. Instead he kept his eyes on the Commander who, he could tell, knew she was fighting a losing battle, but was fighting nonetheless. Her cheeks were flushed with passion and her tone was desperate. Desperate for them to understand. He wanted to tell her to stop wasting her breath, to save her energy, she was too ill for the strain. But he respected her too much to interrupt her like that in front of the Council.

"I don't think the Commander is going to let this go, Ambassador Udina," the turian councilman said, obviously tired of dealing with the human specter.

"Humanity has made great gains because of you, Commander," the Ambassador said, not even looking at her. Superiority dripped from his words. "But now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth."

She was stunned.

"Until further notice The Normandy is grounded," he continued. "The Council can handle this, with _my_ help, of course."

Garrus snatched her fist in mid air, inches from the Ambassador's face. If not for his superior sight he might not have reacted in time, as she moved so fast Udina didn't even realize what was happening until he was staring, wide-eyed, at her fist in front of his face.

"It's not worth it, Commander," Garrus soothed, glaring at the Ambassador.

She pulled her wrist out of his grasp and pointed in Udina's face. Her brow lowered and her green eyes fierce. The small man backed away from her, hands up defensively, and for every step away he took, she matched it. "I will make sure you remember this," she said, gravel in her tone, her face inches from his. "If I didn't have to save the galaxy from a threat bigger than my grudge against you, I would dedicate my immediate future to destroying you. You are so _lucky _my priorities are in order, Udina," she growled. He was crumbling under her gaze as she turned to let loose her fury onto the Council. "And _you _three," she raged, stretching her arm and pointing in their general direction. Cold confidence and fury flowing across the space to the three aliens across the room. The three of them faltered, if only briefly, but Garrus saw it. They all realized that they had flinched, and Garrus smiled as Shepard continued. "I will _not_ be stopped by your bullshit politicking. I _will_ find a way to save your sorry asses whether you like it or not!" She turned and stormed away, her aliens close in tow. They were out of earshot in a matter of moments.

"That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen," Garrus chirped.

"God damn it, Garrus, I'm trying to be angry, here."

* * *

><p>She made her presence known on the Normandy. People parted in front of her as if she were literally on fire.<p>

"I wish I knew what to say," Tali said to Garrus, watching Shepard kneeling, trying to open her footlocker. She had input the wrong combination twice now.

"There's really nothing to say," Garrus said. But he wished he could think of something too. It was Kaidan who braved the first go at it after her third failed attempt into her locker. _I'll say this for him_, Garrus thought. _He's_ _nothing if not persistent._

"Commander, are you alright?" the Lieutenant offered. Her eyes shot fire up at him and he backed up a step. "I'm sure there's a way to appeal," he tried. "We're under Alliance command after all, not the Council."

Four failed combinations.

"They've made it perfectly clear that official channels are closed to us."

"Closed, huh? And we're supposed to accept that?"

"We're out of the game for now, Alenko," she said,exhaling a frustrated breath, obviously furious and in no mood for him. "I'll figure it out."

"So where do you think the best view will be when the Reapers roll through? If we have to sit it out, we may as well get a good seat." Garrus bristled, both with anger and anticipation, expecting the Commander to explode. What was it about Kaidan that made him think indignation was going to make her feel better? Was he really that dense?

After the fifth attempt at her locker combination she slammed her palm into the locker and turned her back to it, sinking to the floor. She was fighting to keep the anger out of her face, but Garrus could hear her heartbeat, even from the other side of the room. The cold Commander mask was firmly in place, if not a little worn. She wanted to punch Kaidan right in his too-handsome face. Her teeth were gnashing in her mouth, her fists were clutched so tightly they had started to go numb and her small nails were digging into her palms so hard that she felt them puncture her skin.

"I need you to stay strong Alenko," she said as calmly as she could muster. "We'll figure things out. For now, you just have to wait."

"Aye, Commander," he said, awkwardly, obviously regretting his words before offering some new piece of Alenko brand comfort that only seemed to make her more angry. Garrus wondered almost idly if the Lieutenant was worse at reading human expression than himself.

She unclenched her hands and rubbed her forehead with the pads of her fingers, exhaling through her nose. The scent of her blood reached Garrus in an instant, and he thought the scent had been on the air far too much lately.

"Shepard," he interrupted as Kaidan was making another terrible attempt at comfort. He reached his hand down to her to help her up. "The good doctor demands your presence," he lied.

She took Garrus' wrist in her hand and pulled herself up.

"Yeah, okay thanks, Garrus," she said as she stormed away. He followed her into the elevator, leaving an embarrassed Kaidan in their wake. "Thanks for the save," she said after the doors closed.

"You've got to admire his bravery," he said.

"The line between bravery and stupidity is very thin and he's always on the wrong side of it."

Garrus laughed. "Can I help?"

"I doubt it, unless you can take off the land lock on our ship."

"What if I let you punch me _really _hard?" he offered, turning sideways to flex his arm. "Not in the face, though. That's my money maker, after all."

She laughed, and defeated, put her forehead on his armored chest, moving into his arms like she'd done in the past. He stood there awkwardly for a moment before putting his hands on her shoulders, hoping it was comforting.

"How do you do the right thing when the people you are trying to protect are more concerned with their image than everyone's lives?"

"You'll find a way Shepard, I know you will. You've never let us down in the past."

She looked up at him and smiled, just barely curling the edges of her lips. It was a tired expression, but more content than she had been. He spared a moment to wonder why the Lieutenant was so bad at this, when Garrus could make her smile in less than twenty words.

"What would I do without you, Garrus?"

"Probably kill everyone aboard," he smiled down at her. "And be completely lacking in style, obviously." He almost idly caressed her shoulders and neck with his thumbs as he spoke, hardly aware that he was doing it. Her smile disappeared and he noticed her eyes were looking back and forth between his, and her heartbeat elevated only slightly. She swallowed, something Garrus had noticed usually was associated with nerves. He was trying to figure out what he was doing to make her nervous, so he could stop, when Joker chirped over the ships speakers, startling them both.

"Commander, urgent message for you."

They both jumped slightly, only then noticing the elevator doors had been opened. Neither of them knew how long they had been standing there needlessly. Garrus moved his hands back to his sides and Shepard sank back into her hip.

"What is it now?" she said clearing her throat.

"Anderson wants you to meet him at Flux in the Wards. He said it was important."

"Oh good, I could go for getting drunk," she said as she sighed. "Tell Tali to meet us on deck."

"On your six, Commander."

* * *

><p>After the meeting with Anderson, the three of them had sprinted back to the Normandy like lightning.<p>

"All hands," she called into the Cockpit's comm system. "Report to the galaxy map, on the double, on the double," she shouted urgently.

The crew assembled faster than Garrus had ever seen it. They all gathered around the map, looking up at her on the small deck in the center. Her hands gripped the railing as she readied herself to address the crew. The maps light illuminated her face as her eyes moved over everyone. She took a deep breath and exhaled it through her nose.

"It's too big," she said, looking down at her hands. "It's bigger than all of us. And it's happening...right now. I know it's in our nature to hide our heads under the covers and tell ourselves everything is okay. But it's not. The Reapers are coming. They're coming and everything you know and love, along with every _other_ living thing in the galaxy, will be destroyed. _Those_ are the stakes." She let that sink in for a moment as the severity of it all hit the crew before she continued. "I know it's hard to believe. I don't know that I'd believe it if I hadn't witnessed it first hand. But believe me when I tell you we are the only people who can stop this, now. The Council won't listen to us. The Alliance won't even listen to us. Our Ambassador is more concerned with his career than our lives, our families lives. No one realizes it, but the situation is dire, and only we can stop it. The Council has backed us into a corner and desperate measures are necessary." She exhaled a frustrated breath through her nose. "It is because of this, that Captain Anderson is going to lift our land lock. I would be amiss if I didn't tell you that in order to do so he is committing an act of treason. I would also be amiss if I didn't tell you that I intend to steal the ship afterward, thereby committing you all to an act of treason."

She let her words sink in. There were a few concerned looks and some disconcerted mumbling.

"Now that you know what we're up against, it's time you all made the decision. Now is your chance to leave. Anyone who wishes to stay at the Citadel in order to not disobey the Alliance's orders, the Council's orders, is welcome to. Anyone who leaves will not be persecuted by anyone in this crew, and no one will think less of you for making this decision. It is only fair that you know the facts before I ask you all to follow me." The crew all murmured between each other. Several actually looked like they were considering it, Kaidan was one of them, Pressley was one of them. Shepard understood. Their loyalties ran deep and this could very well be a career ender... assuming there was a career to come back to.

"But let me say this;" she continued. "I have come to know every one of you. And I know there isn't a single person in this room who wants to say that when the galaxy was threatened by a rogue specter, a mad man, that they sat, idle, on the side lines. That when the Reapers with their infinite power threatened all life as we know it, they chose to stick their heads in the sand and bow down to the new Reaper overlords_._" She was almost shouting at them, slamming her fist on the railing to accent her words. "That when we faced _total_ and _utter_ extinction, that they were on a ship that had the power to stop it and instead chose to follow orders, doing _nothing_!" Wrex slammed his fists together enthusiastically and the rest of the crew started to rile. Garrus chuckled, impressed with how she could play a crowd. "Yes. It's possible we won't be coming back from Ilos. It's also possible that if we _do_ come back from Ilos, and we succeed in stopping Saren, that anyone who had accompanied us will be charged with treason. I know that this is a lot to ask of you. But we have come so far together, all of us, and we have accomplished so much. We may not have always come out unscathed, but we have always come out alive. And those who haven't..." She sighed and looked down at her hands again, thinking of Ashley, wringing her hands on the railing. "Those who haven't would never let us live it down if we let their sacrifice go to waste. Which is _exactly_ what we'd be doing if we sat on our hands and let the Reapers destroy everything in their path. So I am asking you all to trust me. One more time."

Her eyes picked Garrus out of the crowd, his visor glowing in the darkness past the light of the galaxy map. He was leaning back, his weight on one foot, his arms crossed. It was comforting to her to see him there, the same cold confidence, the same immovable nature. She figured most in the crew wouldn't leave, but he was the only one on the ship that she had absolutely no doubt was about to follow her. As if he could read the sentiment from her face, he nodded once at her, and she had to fight a smile.

"The Reapers are coming, folks. They're coming and I am going to stop them. No matter the cost. And I am asking for your help, because we are the only ones who understand the stakes. We are the only ones to have seen what we've seen. We are the _only_ ship willing to risk _everything_ to save _everyone_. Now what are _you _going to do?" she shouted, pointing in the general direction they were standing. "What are you going to tell everyone when this is over? Are you going to tell them that you pulled the covers over your head and watched the Citadel fall to our new synthetic masters?" A wave of "**NO**" came from the crew. "Are you going to tell them you were afraid of a little capital punishment when the _**galaxy**_ was at stake?" Another wave of "**NO**" hit her and she couldn't hide her smile anymore. "Or are you going to stand your ground, by my side, and show those ugly, synthetic bastards that we are _**not**_ to be _**fucked**_ with?" Fists flew into the air, the entire crew shouting their support in her direction. "Damn right!" she shouted, smiling.

No one left. Not a single person dare leave her side, now. They all knew that if anyone could achieve the impossible, it was her. Everyone rejoiced, shaking hands, patting backs, laughing and cheering, determination and energy flowing through them.

Garrus watched her on the maps platform. She was laughing, rejuvenated by the energy the crew was giving her. He couldn't take his eyes off her. She was divine. Of all the expressions he had seen her face express, joy was, by far, the most beautiful on her. His chest swelled with pride. He was proud to serve under her. Proud of her accomplishments. Proud of himself that he had earned the friendship, the trust, of someone like her. In fact, he had never been more proud of anything, than he was of her in those moments when she spoke to her crew that day.

Once the noise died down a bit she slammed a fist into her chest in a universal salute, bowing only enough so that she could still see the crew. She didn't use the American salute that all humans in the Alliance had adopted. She used the salute that was applicable to every species, every race, that every living thing understood as a sign of respect, because that's what was at stake.

"It has been an honor," she said looking from crewman to crewman. As she did whoever she was looking at stood at attention, and returned the gesture, putting a fist over their heart. "And a privilege," Garrus was no exception. "To serve as your Commanding Officer." There was a revered silence for several moments. "Joker," she finally said. "As soon as that lock is lifted you get us to the Mu Relay. We've got a galaxy to save!"

The crowd erupted again.


	9. Serenity

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>She was quite popular after her speech. Everyone wanted a chance to talk to her, to tell her how much she meant to them, or that there was no way they'd leave her side. It seemed like everyone got the chance <em>except<em> Garrus. He didn't want to be just another person crowding her, and in reality, he felt like he was the only one who didn't really need to. He was sure she already knew everything he would have said.

It was exhausting, really. Shaking hands, smiling, patting backs, trying to stay enthusiastic. Her face hurt from the effort of keeping her smile on her face. With only a few hours left before they hit the relay, she retreated to her quarters to relax. Though she figured she wouldn't get the chance to do much of it, it was worth a shot.

Once everything settled down, Garrus headed to her quarters to see if there was anything _she _needed to get off her chest before certain death. He had already sent a correspondence to his sister, telling her he might not be coming back for some time, and to take care of their mother. He didn't like the thought of leaving her alone, but this was more important than all of that. If he did die, he hoped she'd understand that.

It was a vulnerable feeling, he didn't like it. And talking to Shepard was one of the only things that made him feel invulnerable, so he made his way to her quarters by the Mess Hall. If he was going to die on some distant planet trying to save the galaxy, he figured he should at least have a few laughs about it first. What better way to spend your last hours alive than with the only person you've ever really looked up to? Plus, it occurred to him, while he thought about his sister, that Shepard didn't have anyone to send a message to. Everyone who meant anything to her was on the ship already, except for maybe Captain Anderson, who was probably in jail by now for releasing the land lock. He hoped she wanted someone to talk to, because he sure did.

As he approached her quarters, he saw Kaidan Alenko entering before him.

He stood there for a few minutes after watching her chamber doors shut behind the human. He had so much momentum he didn't know what new direction he should go. He sighed, unsure what to do with these hours now. It's in peoples nature to want to take comfort in each other. So he got beat to the punch, it really wasn't a big deal. She would probably rather spend these last precious moments in a lovers tangle than chatting aimlessly anyhow.

He was sure there wasn't anything he needed to say to her she didn't already know. Their friendship was inexplicable. They had started being able to communicate using looks alone. The year had gone by so fast and they had endured impossible trials together. He was sure she knew what she meant to him, and he was content in knowing that she trusted him.

He was already in the Mess so he decided to get a glass of water so he didn't feel like an idiot standing there with nothing to do, when he heard Shepard's door hiss open and closed again. A pouting Alenko, head hanging, came around the corner and went to his quarters, not even sparing a glance to Garrus.

_Ouch_, Garrus thought. His heart went out for the kid. On the night before almost certain death, the woman you've been chasing for months would rather spend it alone than with you. That had to sting. Though he wasn't surprised that Kaidan's special brand of comfort wasn't what she wanted to spend these last hours dealing with. He couldn't remember a time where Alenko made the situation better instead of worse by talking. He wondered if he should take the opportunity to see if she wanted company. Maybe she just didn't want Kaidan's. If she wanted to be alone, fine, but Garrus was going to at least ask.

The door hissed open and he heard a sad sigh. "Kaidan," she said. "I already told you I'd rather be alo-AGH!" she jumped when she turned to see Garrus' large form filling up the doorway.

"I seem to have a talent for startling you, Commander," he said with a laugh.

"Christ, I guess. But with a face like that, I'm not surprised."

"So handsome it's scary? Yeah, I unfortunately get that a lot."

"Yeah," she said laughing. "I'm sure that's what it is." She waved the book she had in her hand at him. "I'm reading one of the books you got me."

"Is it any good?" he asked, stepping in.

"It's probably the trashiest romance novel in existence. I love it. I've finished two of them already, the other one is in a language I don't know, though. Chinese I think."

"Earth has more than one native language?"

"Oh yes. Just about every country on my planet has a different language."

"No wonder you're planet is so inefficient," he said and they shared a laugh. "Sorry to barge in," he said, pointing behind him. "If you want I can-"

"No, no. It's fine, Alenko just came in here wanting to... Er... well let's just say I wasn't in the mood for him."

"Can't say I blame him," he said shrugging. "Hours before certain death, it's natural to want to spend it in the arms of a beautiful woman."

She laughed, obviously relieved that she could relax. "Is that why _you're _here, Garrus?"

"I said _beautiful_, Commander. Not terrifying."

"Yeah, I'm the one that's scary while you look like the god damn boogy man."

"Hmm, boogyman must be the phrase you humans use for Apex Predators."

It went on like that for about twenty minutes, just exchanging good-natured jabs, until they were both laughing hard enough for their eyes to water. It was the eye of the hurricane. It was just what they each needed. The mission didn't matter. The impending doom didn't matter. They were just two friends, laughing at each others expense. In those brief moments they both realized that it was what they had been missing all along. Someone to take their mind off of themselves. A brother in arms. Pure and unassuming friendship.

When their raucous laughter finally receded, Garrus sat up in his chair.

"That was quite a speech out there," he said finally, pointing a thumb over his shoulder.

"Oh, yeah," she laughed a little, hands on her knees. "Well it's only fair, right? Can't make them commit treason without telling them."

"I suppose, though anyone who wouldn't follow you after all we've seen is pretty foolish."

"I guess that's true, but still. Kaidan's loyalty to the Alliance runs deep. I had to give everyone the option. I'm just glad anyone follows me at all."

"You say that like you're _surprised_ we follow you."

"Well, yeah. I guess I am. I mean who am I? Who am I really? Nobody, after all. I'm no more decorated a soldier than Anderson." She smiled and rubbed the back of her head. "After I left the orphanage and was sticking to the poor public libraries, reading everything I could scoop up, I was reading a book about some of my planets history. In the early 1800's there was a rebellion in Ireland, a country on my planet, lead by a bunch of impoverish Irishman, and when asked about the leading style of their general, Thomas Francis Meagher, one of them had said; '_The_ _words of our general when danger had to be_ _faced were not 'Go Boys Go', but 'Come, boys, follow me.' _I don't know, that just kind of struck a chord in me," she admitted, almost shyly. "It's what gave me the idea to enlist once I was of legal age. I wanted to be thought of like that some day, you know? It's almost dizzying to think about how long ago that was, how far away it seems, how different everything is."

He didn't really know what to say to that. He understood the sentiment. It was almost unfathomable to think that this beacon of hope and power rose up from a tired, hungry, orphan.

"Oh!" she said, the conversation triggering a memory. "That reminds me I wanted to give you something." She crawled up her bed to lay on her stomach while fishing something out of the drawer on her side table. She brought out a book of her own, holding it in her hands as she scooted back to the edge of the bed. She held it in her hands for a beat and took a deep breath, caressing the cover. Garrus saw that the edges of the cover had the color drained from them. Even while it was lovingly preserved, it was also lovingly worn. He still didn't recognize the words on it.

"I know you probably can't read this," she said, obviously kind of nervous. Garrus put his elbows on his knees to lean into her, giving her his full attention. "This is my favorite book. It's been my favorite since the moment I read it. It was given to me by my favorite librarian when I was a kid. She was the one who would bring me breakfast in the mornings I stayed at her library. Her name was Annie. After Deelia died, and I couldn't stay at the orphanage anymore, Annie was really the closest thing I had to a friend after that, regardless that it was pity, not love, that caused her kindness." She cleared her throat. "I uh.. she gave this copy to me when I enrolled in the military. It was the last night I had to stay in the library before my first day. It remains my only non-military issued possession."

"Shepard, I can't take that," he said, touched by the thought alone, but the weight of it almost haunted him. "I can't even read it, it would be lost on me."

"It's not about the words, Garrus. It's not," she exhaled. Not really knowing how to explain it. "While it _is _a shame you can't read it, this book represents a time period. A period in my life. A period of spending my nights huddled in newspaper to keep warm. A period of dodging slavers and rapists and god knows what else with nothing but my wits and how fast my feet could take me. A period of..." she paused and chewed on her lower lip. "A period of my wits and my speed not always being enough."

The words hurt his chest, but he swallowed it down, surprised by the emotional reaction she caused in him. The thought of her as a child, pulling against her restraints, still fighting when all hope was already lost.

It ignited something in him.

"I love this book," she continued. "I read it every year on my made-up birthday. I mean I damn near have it memorized by now. But it represents all the years I spent alone. All the years I spent with no one on my side. The solitude that haunted me after I lost Deelia." She cleared her throat again and looked up at him. That's when he noticed her knee was bobbing up and down nervously. "And I realized only recently that I don't need it anymore. I didn't know it at the time, but those years of complete solitude ended when you asked to join my team all those months ago."

"Shepard," was all he could say. What _could_ he say to that? He just looked at her, smiling at him. He did the only thing he could think of; he came off his chair and worked his knees between her feet on the floor, and wrapped his massive arms around her. She made a surprised squeak that was muffled by his shoulder. She instinctively tensed, but he felt it melt away as he held her. Her breath was hot on his neck as her face rested against it. The citrus of her hair and earthy scent of her skin was soothing. Familiar. He listened to her heartbeat speed up and her breath move through her chest. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't superficial, it wasn't even comforting.

It was just perfect.

"I know a lot of people clamor for my attention," she said softly, resting against him. "I know it must seem like I'm popular enough on my own. But they aren't friends, they're fans, almost. They don't really know me, or want to. You are, quite literally, the only _real _friend I've got, Garrus." She couldn't believe how warm he was. The hug only lasted seconds, but the warmth made sweat start to bead on her brow. Regardless of that, it was the safest she'd felt in a long time.

He was careful to be gentle, knowing the hard plates of his chest would hurt her if he grasped her too hard. He hoped that it conveyed everything he couldn't think to say. He hoped that it told her that it was the same for him. He wasn't very good at sentimental conversation. He was never very good with words. When he pulled away he sat back on his heels and took the book in his hands, swallowing hard.

"Thank you, Shepard," he said, holding the book irreverently. "What.. what does it say?"

"_Pride and_ _Prejudice_. By Jane Austin. She's an author from the early 1800's. This book is still considered one of the best of all time on Earth and it's almost 400 years old."

"Wow," he said, looking down at it.

"Wow is right."

"On Palaven our art and literature is rare as it is. If it's more than a century old it's considered almost ancient. The way you humans preserve history is... well it's unique."

"If you don't learn from history, it's bound to repeat itself, right?"

"Tell that to the Council."

"I know, right? Ugh. Those fuckers."

They shared a laugh again but the silence filled the room quickly. Awkwardly.

"Well," he said, breaking the silence. "We've still got a while before the Mu Relay," he handed the book back to her. "Read me your favorite part."

"Really?"

"Yeah. If I'm going to keep it, I should at least know what some of it says."

Her face lit up as she took it and the sight of her excited made him chuckle as he settled back into his chair. She flipped straight to a particular part in the book towards the very end, laying on her stomach on the bed, her feet carelessly in the air. He linked his talons together on his stomach, and sank back in the chair to listen.

She read:

' "If you will thank me," he replied, "let it be for yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you, might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny. But your _family _owe me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you." '

She continued reading with him stopping her occasionally to ask her a question about it. That was how they spent their final hours before Joker called for them at the Mu Relay.

* * *

><p>Tali had proved incredibly useful on Ilos, helping them understand the different prothean messages and automated systems with her omni tool. However, Shepard wasn't sure that was worth the screaming she was doing as the Mako rushed through the army of geth guarding the relay.<p>

The relay was closing, if they didn't hurry, they weren't going to make it. But there were a dozen colossus, hundreds of geth, and god knows what else in their way.

"Uh, Commander," Garrus said, nerves decorating his tone as he braced himself against the walls of the Mako.

"I know, Garrus," she said, white-knuckling the steering tiller.

Their margin for error disappeared. They weren't going to make it.

"Shepard," he said, more urgently.

"I _know,_ Garrus."

They were all shouting as they lurched into the relay, being fired through space.

The Mako flipped and crashed into the Presidium back on the Citadel. They were upside-down in their seats, being held up by the protective straps over their shoulders, securing them in place.

"Don't say it," Shepard said, her hair falling in ringlets towards the ground.

"I _told_ you, you should have let me drive," Garrus teased, his hands still bracing against the walls.

"I hate you... _so _much right now."

* * *

><p>Saren gave off a blue aura from the new cybernetics Sovereign had implanted to control him further. He didn't seem to notice as he was prattling on about how his resolve was stronger now, refusing to believe he was under the reapers control. He threw a grenade at them and they all dove into cover.<p>

"Sovereign hasn't won yet," Shepard shouted from behind a large planter. "Saren, I can stop it from taking control of the station! Step aside and the invasion will never happen!"

Garrus lined up a shot, her words echoing in his head.

_I will **not**, under **any** circumstance, risk going toe-to-toe with Saren without knowing that your cross-hairs are over my shoulder._

And they were...but once Shepard saw him, she saved him off.

Confused, he made a hand gesture that he hoped translated into '_What the hell are you waiting for?' _But she just waved him off again, mouthing "Trust me." At least that's what he thought she said.

"We can't stop it," Saren retorted. "Not forever. You saw the visions. You saw what happened to the Protheans. The Reapers are too powerful!"

"I know there's still good in you Saren. I know you don't want to be this monster. Some part of you must still realize this is wrong. You can fight it! You have to be strong!"

Garrus was aghast. She was still trying to save him. Still unwilling to sacrifice anyone she thought was unnecessary, even now.

"Maybe you're right..." Saren said softly. "Maybe there's is still a chance for...HNNG!" He buckled over in pain as Sovereign started to push its control over him. "The implants..." he shrieked. "Sovereign... is... too strong. I'm sorry. It's too late for me."

She rolled out of cover to look at him, gun in hand but at ease, non threatening. Garrus made sure his cross-hairs stayed on Saren, just to be safe. But if anyone could get through to him, it was her.

"It's not over yet! You can still redeem yourself. Fight with me, Saren. We can help you!"

"Goodbye, Shepard," he said as he tucked the barrel of his pistol up under his chin.

"Saren, _wait._"

"Thank you."

"Saren, _**NO**_!"

**Blam.**

A stream of blue blood erupted from his eye, and his body went limp, falling off the platform and crashing down through the glass of the presidium floor.

Shepard rushed up the platform, followed quickly by Tali and Garrus.

"God damn it," she said looking down at his lifeless corpse, a hand on her forehead.

"He did the right thing," Garrus said looking down at him, putting a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "At least, in this, he's been redeemed."

Shepard, still cursing to herself, opened a communications channel to the Normandy with the Citadel platform.

"This is Joker, please tell me that's you, Commander?"

"It's me Joker," she said.

"Open up the arms. We got a distress call from the Council's Warship; The Destiny Ascension. What do you want us to do?"

"Thousands of human lives will be lost if you rush in to save the Council, Shepard," Garrus offered. "You don't owe the Council anything, not after all of this."

"God, it would be sweet, wouldn't it?" she said leaning on the platform, looking back at him. "To send them a message like 'You have to see this from my point of view, Councilors, without sufficient proof... yadda yadda yadda..."

Garrus laughed, she had obviously made her decision.

"Get in there, Joker," Shepard said. "Save the Council, whatever the cost. This is bigger than humanity."

"I hope you know what you're doing, Shepard," Tali said.

They turned around and looked down on Saren again.

"Make sure he's dead, and let's get the hell out of here."

Garrus jumped down and Tali followed. Shepard stayed by the console to make sure no other calls came through she needed to answer. Garrus lined up his pistol and sent an extra round through Saren's face, his head moved with the force, but was otherwise just as limp as it had been.

"He's dead, Shepard," Tali said over the comm.

"_Holy Hell_," Garrus shouted as the blue of Saren's cybernetics lit up. His corpse rose and started levitating, and it shed all its flesh, turning into a horrible skeletal form of itself, blue electricity flowing all around it. It hovered in the air for almost a full minute emitting a powerful red energy pulse. It wasn't Saren. Not anymore.

Garrus lunged into cover, pulling a stunned Tali along with him.

"_Sweet sassy molassy_," he heard Shepard shout from above him. "What in the hanaar hell is that?"

Garrus leaned out from cover to try and see around the pillar and through the light it was giving off. "I think it's Sovereign," Garrus shouted into his comm. Then it exploded, a large pulse of electro-magnetic energy blasted him against the back wall.

"**I. Am Sovereign**," it bellowed. "**This station. Is **_**mine**_**.**"

"Yeah..." Garrus grunted as he tried to get up. "Definitely Sovereign."

"You might want to get down here, Commander," Tali said urgently.

"Naw, I'm good," she taunted from above them. "You guys got this, right?"

Garrus popped around his cover to look at her, and she was surprised by just how angry he looked. She laughed, and jumped down, landing directly on the shoulders of the creepy glowing skeleton. It crumbled to the ground under her weight and she rolled off, pulling her assault rifle as she did. She was still laughing as she fired a stream of bullets into the abomination, running into cover.

"You think you're so funny," Garrus growled, lining up a shot.


	10. Loss

_**Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.**_

_**For a list of links to my other sites, blogs, pages, and work, please see my profile page. I await you all eagerly.**_

_**This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.**_

_**(Updated 1/1/12)**_

* * *

><p>The smoking ruins of the Presidium marked their victory. They had done the impossible. Jumped a Mako through a mass effect relay, killed the creepy SovereignSaren hybrid, the Normandy lead the charge against the Sovereign ship when the hole in its shields presented itself, and the burning shreds of Sovereign littered the Presidium. Thousands of humans died to save the Council, the people who represented all life in the galaxy. It was a victory. It came at a high price, but it came.

And it was bittersweet.

"Captain Anderson," Garrus heard someone shout. "They're over here!"

Garrus had covered Tali instinctively since they had been together when the remnants of the Reaper came crashing down all around them. They were huddled together in the recess of a large piece of the ship they couldn't get out of.

"Take it easy.. it's over, you're safe now. Where's the Commander?" Captain Anderson asked urgently.

Tali looked over at the giant burning pieces of rubble on the far side of the room where Shepard had been.

"She couldn't have made it," one of the random crewman said, grief already intruding on his tone.

"She's not dead," Garrus chided, almost laughing. "You obviously don't know her very well." He stood and stretched his neck, nursing his hurt leg.

"Garrus, it landed right on top of her," Tali said sadly. "I saw it."

"I'll tell you what," he grunted. "If after all we have managed to survive, Shepard was killed by something as ridiculous as falling rubble I will, literally, eat my boots."

"I'd love to see that," Shepard said as she climbed one of the burning pieces of rubble, making her way to them and cradling her broken arm. "But you're ugly enough, you don't need to fuck your teeth up to."

The two of them laughed together, harder than they had intended to. And as the relief of the situation settled, soon everyone was laughing. Not because anything was funny, just overwhelmed at the joy that came with victory. An expensive victory.

After spending the next day in various states of repair; treating wounds, fixing the ship, etc, the whole Normandy crew ended up at Flux for some much deserved shore leave. Most were cheering and whooping; getting happily drunk. The ground team, however, sat silently together. They exchanged meaningful glances with one another, each having more respect for those around them than they ever thought they would. Each with an untouched drink.

"Well, here's to us," Kaidan said, raising a glass, breaking the silence. But that didn't feel right. So Tali added to it, raising her own glass.

"To the future."

"To Understanding," said Liara.

"To doing it right, not doing it fast," said Garrus, looking to his right at the Commander.

"To victory," came Wrex.

They all waited.

"To those we lost on the way," Shepard said.

They all clinked their glasses together, and drank.

For some of them that was their last night on the Normandy, sleeping in whatever quarters they had. Shepard helped Tali, who got drunk far too easily, back to her quarters, saying goodnight to the small quarian as she exited. She figured she should head to her own quarters, as almost everyone else had by this late hour, but sleep wasn't going to come to her. She knew that. So she left the ship again. Hands in her pockets, she eased down to the end of the docking hangar and sat, staring into the night sky. She sat cross-legged, leaning back on her hands to stare up at the moons, the stars, everything illuminating the night. It was all so big. It was all so fragile.

The minutes melted away as her brain kept busy, thinking about everything that had happened. Everything that would happen. Everything that needed to be done now.

"Permission to give company, Commander," came a familiar gravelly tone behind her. She smiled and leaned her head back over her shoulders to look at him, standing over her.

"Granted." He handed her one of the beer bottles in his hand and moved to sit next to her.

"He said that one is safe for humans," he said as he hung his long legs over the side of the hangar.

"Whatever," she said with a smile. He leaned back on one hand and held the bottle in his other out to her. She clinked the neck of her bottle with the neck of his, and they both drank. In silence.

"You're not coming with me, are you?" She said, finally. Garrus exhaled through his nose, looking out on the void. "It's okay, Garrus."

"I told you I was going to go back to specter training. I meant it."

"Good," she said with a nod. "It's not like C-sec was going to give you permanent paid leave to fly around the galaxy with me," she said laughing.

"No, I suppose they wouldn't." He looked over at her, leaning back, staring up at the stars. Sadness washed over him. He didn't know why, and he didn't know how to stop it, but there it was. He took the weight off his hand and leaned down on his elbow, his body facing her, but turning his head too look back out into space. "What happens now, Shepard?"

"Now we prepare, I guess. The Reapers are coming. We can't just sit back on our laurels and wait. There's an entire army of bad guys out there and the word needs to be spread." She took a swig of her beer and nudged him with her elbow. "What about you? What are you planning on doing after training? What's Specter Vakarian's future?"

"I'm not sure. I guess that's the benefit to being a specter. I can do whatever I want, right? " He laughed a little and looked up. "Within reason, I imagine."

"And what is that?"

He looked over at her.

"What's what?"

"What is it you want?"

His mandibles clicked, his eyes traced the details of her face. "Well," he said chuckling, taking a drink. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't enjoyed the last year and some months. Death and violence aside."

"God," she said looking back up at the stars, her thick lazy curls cascading down her back. "It _has_ been a year, hasn't it?"

"It certainly has."

Silence.

"Well," she said, easing herself onto her back, unfolding her legs to dangle over the side of the station. she rested her head on her hands and her hair fanned out under her like flames. "As long as the Normandy is in one piece, it'll always have a place for you."

"Is that so?"

"It is."

He smiled, his mandibles opening unconsciously. "Thanks, Shepard."

Her head rolled to the side too look up at him.

"I couldn't have done this without you, Garrus."

With her laying on her back, and him leaning down on his elbow, they were almost touching. He hadn't realized how close they were until she looked at him, and he could feel her breath on his face.

"Sure you could have," he said, cleverly dodging the sentimentality of what she had said. "Not as stylishly, of course."

They both laughed together. And that's where they stayed until they watched the sun rise the next morning.

* * *

><p>They went their separate ways after that.<p>

Garrus returned to specter training, like he promised Shepard he was going to.

Wrex returned to Tuchanka.

Tali, with the information Shepard gave her on the geth, returned to the Flotilla with her pilgrimage gift, promising to tell tales of her kindness and keep in touch.

Kaidan continued to serve on the Normandy along with Liara who didn't have anywhere else to go.

Shepard stayed in contact with all of them, but none more regularly than Garrus.

* * *

><p>Garrus was covered in sweat from training, so he jumped into the shower at his apartment and was drying off when his terminal pinged with a message from Shepard.<p>

He didn't know it would be the last thing she sent to him.

"Dear My Favorite Creature From The Black Lagoon,

Sorry to hear that Specter training is shitty. I wouldn't know, obviously. Being the pinnacle of my species and Apex Predator that I am, I shot straight passed training and into specter-hood. But you already knew that, didn't you? Don't worry, buddy. You'll get there! Don't be discouraged by the fact that you'll never live up to my name. You can't hold yourself to the same standard as me, that's just not fair to yourself. Keep trying. If you try really hard, I'm sure you can come in second!

Not that being a Specter is all rainbows and glory anyway. They have me out here looking for geth since they're still investigating the rubble of Sovereign to try and prove that it was a Reaper and not some super advanced geth-ship-of-doom.

I can't blame them, though. I wouldn't want to believe it either.

So what I'm trying to say is this: Hurry your leathery ass up so you can join me on the Normandy again and we can either kick synthetic ass, or at least entertain each other while we do nothing. I don't know if we'll find anything out here, but I know it'd be a lot more fun with you on board.

I miss your ugly face.

-Jane"

The letter left him laughing. He heard her sarcastic tone in his head as he read, as if he was actually hearing her say it. She was scheduled to be back in a month and they were supposed to get drinks. It was late and he was tired, so he decided to reply to her in the morning. She was probably sleeping now anyway.

Garrus awoke the next morning like any other day, dreading training. He started his coffee and checked his messages. He was going to reply to Shepard, but he realized he was running later than usual and just grabbed his coffee and headed out the door. The whole building hushed as he walked in.

"Vakarian," said his instructor, rushing to him. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for training," he said confused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I thought for sure you would have taken at least a few days off, considering."

"Considering what?"

"He doesn't know," someone whispered.

"How can he have not heard?" someone else behind him asked.

"What's going on?"

"Garrus," his instructor said, trying to stay calm. "The SSV Normandy went down last night."

"...What?" He had to have heard wrong. That couldn't have been what happened. Shepard had _just_ sent him a message.

"They were attacked by an unknown enemy in the middle of the night, the ship was disintegrated. Most of the crew survived but... there were casualties."

"Who?" he demanded. "**WHO**?"

"I-" the instructor shook his head. "I don't know the details, Garrus."

His mug shattered on the ground as he abandoned it, sprinting out the door. This couldn't be happening. The most advanced ship in the alliance fleet? Brought down just like that? Shepard wouldn't have allowed it. Joker wouldn't have allowed it. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. He never ran so fast in his life, his mandibles pulled so tight against his jaw they started to hurt.

"Where is she?" he shouted as he burst into Councilor Anderson's office, even with guards trying to restrain him.

"It's alright," Anderson said to the guards, waving them off. "I was just trying to contact you, anyhow."

"Where is she, Councilor?" he commanded again.

"Garrus," Joker said from behind him, his arm in a cast, sitting in a sling. His face was wrought with sorrow, streaked with tears. "Garrus, I..." he couldn't finish. His head sank into his free hand.

"She didn't make it out," Anderson said.

The words echoed in his head. The room had started spinning. His mind was refusing to process the information.

"It was my fault, Garrus. I wouldn't leave the god damned Cockpit and she had to come get me. She stayed behind to make sure my shuttle made it out." A shotgun burst sob punctuated his sentence.

"No..." he said, his vision blurring. This couldn't be happening. It was all a sick joke. His hands went to either side of his head. White hot rage filled him, the blood rushed through his ears making his head pound. He could hear his heart quicken. He was losing control, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"I know this is hard to accept," Anderson said putting a hand on Garrus' arm. Garrus grabbed him by the wrist and Anderson crumbled under the force of his furious grasp.

"_**No**_! She didn't overcome everything and endure the _endless_ betrayal of your filthy species just to go down with the damn ship! This can't be happening!" he raged as the guards tried to restrain him from behind. He released Anderson's wrist to grab the shoulders of a guard behind him and threw him over his head, Anderson's desk splintered and shattered under the force of the guard's weight. Three more coming in to restrain him.

"Get off of him," Joker shouted.

They brought Garrus to his knees, his breath heaving out of his chest. His mandibles clicked uncontrollably. The growl was deep in his chest, furious, he was a wild. He shifted his weight and threw a guard with the arm he was trying to restrain him with. He crashed into the window, and slid down the wall. Garrus stood and turned to the turian guard on the other side of him, and hurled his fist into his face, shattering the turian's face plates. The guard stumbled back, dazed, and Garrus whirled on the third guard, who threw his hands up in surrender.

"**Get a hold of yourself, Vakarian**," Anderson shouted. Garrus' military instincts responded, and he roared at the man, but stopped what he was doing. Anderson held Garrus by the shoulders, shaking him as the turian shivered under his touch. The world slowly came back into focus.

"I-I'm sorry," Garrus huffed, realizing the destruction he had caused. "I- I didn't... I'm sorry." he said, backing out of the room.

He ran.

He heard Joker call for him as he ran out, but he didn't know what else to do. He just sprinted and sprinted until he found himself back at his apartment. He hurried inside and locked the door behind him. He moved through his apartment slowly. Almost like a ghost. His breath still heaving out of his chest in a rush. He looked out the window at the Citadel below him, going about its business as if nothing had happened. He erupted in a roar and punched the window as hard as he could, cracks splintered it and he felt the bones in his fingers break. He destroyed anything he touched. Dishes, end tables, his private terminal. Anything to help him deal with the rage. It wasn't until he made it to his bedroom that he stopped.

There it was. Her book. On his end table. He traced a talon down it as he sat on his bed. He held it in his hands, and her scent filled his nose. Citrus and earth. He slid off the bed to sit on the ground and moved his hands to the back of his head, elbows on his knees. He hung his head in silence, and stayed like that throughout the night.

Garrus thought almost idly what a cruel place the universe was. Why was it now, sitting on the floor of his bedroom, head on his knees, that it all came to him?

Why did he only realize just how much she meant to him now that she was never coming back?

* * *

><p>The ceremony was a week later. Garrus had resumed specter training. He had to. With Shepard gone, who would help prepare for the reapers? He felt like he owed her that much. It was an added bonus that training took his mind off the pain.<p>

It wasn't supposed to be big but hundreds showed up. It seemed like anyone who had heard about it took the time. People who Shepard had never met made an appearance, just to offer thanks. Everyone but the Council.

With no immediate family to speak of, it fell on her mentor, now Councilor Anderson, to speak for her. The ground team stood at the front of the crowd. Garrus was holding Tali's hand on one side, and was holding Joker's shoulder with the other. They were all distraught. Liara sobbed into her hands, Dr. Chakwas dabbed at her eyes with a tissue, even Urdnot Wrex was silent and mournful.

Beside the empty coffin was a large holo of her face, smiling that easy smile, her vibrant green eyes filled with laughter. It was hard to look at.

Everyone brought something to put on her coffin. Most brought a rose, or a hand-full of demael flowers. Some brought trinkets, stuffed animals, hand written notes. Tali brought a holo of the two of them Garrus had captured in the Mess Hall on night. Wrex brought a gun.

Garrus was the only one to bring her favorite flower. He figured he was probably the only one who even knew what it was.

It was orchids.

He was dreading it. Like placing it up there made it final. Like he could hold on to her as long as he held onto **it**. When Joker came down, tears streaked over his face, Garrus made the long way up the stairs. It felt like an eternity. His hands trembled. Not knowing what else to do, he did what he had done the _last_ time he wanted to bring her back.

He talked to her.

"I uh..." his voice cracked but he fought it down. He had to be strong, if not for himself than for her. "I'm not very good at this, Shepard," he said. "You should know that by now."

Silence.

"I thought about bringing your book, _Pride and Prejudice_. I thought about giving that to you now. But... But I couldn't do it. It's all I have left, Shepard." He cleared his throat to hide how his voice shook. "I don't know what to do with the anger you've left in your wake. I'm so angry at you," he said. He said it like it was a confession, like he was ashamed of it. "I'm so angry that you would wriggle your way into my life, and care enough about me to make me into the man I always wanted to be, that you always knew I could be... To make me depend on your friendship, and count on it like it was a limb, or, or...or family. Like it had always been there, like it was always going to be. To make me feel what it was like to trust someone so implicitly, only to...to-" He cleared his throat again when it threatened tears. "Just to die. Leaving me with this...just immense... _phantom_ pain where you used to be."

He set the orchid on her coffin, and left his hand there for a moment. "I won't forget you, or what you taught me," he said as he caressed the wooden box under his hand like she was in it, like he was comforting her. He hung his head, and his other hand covered his face as he tried to compose himself, shivering. "I don't think I will ever stop missing you, Shepard," he said, as single, quiet sob shook his shoulders. Several moments and deep breaths later, he straightened up and removed the hand from his face. "And I will _not_ let you down," he said finally.

He paused, as if waiting for her to tell him she knew, but it never came. She was gone. He let his hand slide off the coffin as he turned to exit the stage. He held his head high as he made his way through the crowd, returning to his spot among her crew. His rightful spot. After Tali took her time she moved into his arms, and he held her tight as she cried against his chest.

* * *

><p>Garrus stayed and helped with the initial rebuilding of the Citadel. He had to. The Reapers were coming and without Shepard to lead the fight, who else was going to step up? No one. He had to fight for her because she couldn't any longer. He couldn't let her down. Not now. But it only took weeks for the Council to start dismissing all of Shepard's warnings, claiming them as the deluded ravings of a specter who had become too involved and over-tired. Who had fallen victim to Saren's charismatic nature and was persuaded to believe in the "Reapers". No one wanted to believe in a super race of sentient star ships who were coming to wipe out all organic life as they knew it, so the lies were believed easily. Too easily.<p>

Garrus tried. He fought. For weeks he tried to keep her warnings alive. To carry on her work. But no one would listen. Even Kaidan started doubting it all. He hadn't really seen anything that proved the Reapers existed since Shepard never took him on the important missions. Fickle, fickle, humans.

He couldn't take it anymore. He decided he would keep an ear to the ground on the Reaper situation, and when he was needed, he would fight. Not for the Council, not even for organic life, but for Shepard and her memory.

He grabbed his few valuable possessions, and booked the first trip out he could, determined to never be exposed to bureaucratic crap, red tape, and run around laws ever again.

"Departure for the Omega cluster departing from Deck C," Avina chimed.

"Passage for one, please," he said.


	11. Awakening

_**Roarkshop here: Finally! Mass Effect 2 Storyline! I'm sorry to leave on a cliffhanger, but I had to! You know you love it! This marks where I will be switching perspectives more actively. I won't be sticking to Garrus alone I will be switching pretty actively between Shepard and Garrus and sometimes other crew memebrs too. I hope you all enjoy this Chapter as I worked very hard on the tone of it. Please feel free to tell me what you think!**_

_**For those of you who have been messaging me requesting I do a Thane romance I'm going to have to decline, for now. Let me at least finish this story or I never will! =P **_

_**Check your inboxes for replies! And as always: Thank you SOOOOOO much for your support. It means the world to me. **_

* * *

><p>"The Normandy's dead, just like us if we don't get the hell out of here!" Jane shouted at Joker.<p>

"No, If I can just- Oh shit. They're coming around for another attack!" he said. "OW! Watch the arm!" She hoisted him around her shoulders, effectively breaking the brittle bone in his arm with the force of her armored grip. She shoved him into the shuttle just before a blast knocked her away from the wall. She knew that if she didn't send the shuttle away, they would both get spaced.

"_**Shepard**_!" Joker cried as she slammed her fist into the launch button, watching it detach and soar away.

Her last thoughts surprised her as she circled through space.

Garrus.

The way he would move her hair behind her ear, the way he would pull her out of the line of fire, the way he laughed, the way she could always move into his arms when she was feeling especially defeated. She thought of the fire in his eyes and the passion in his tone when he would make that bestial sound in battle. Even if the reapers came back, she knew he wouldn't take it lying down. That even without her, he would do the right thing. This all happened in a matter of seconds, of course, as her lungs started tearing and pain surged through her body. Eventually, though, she found peace thinking of him. Thinking of _them_.

Her last thought was about how cruel the universe was, that she only now realized how much she cared for him, now that she would never get the chance to tell him so.

* * *

><p>Her eyes flickered open to white. White everywhere. Nothing but white. Oh god, she was in a hospital. A voice was shouting at her. She sat up, thinking she was going to see Deelia dying on the gurney across from her, but there was no one. Just the voice shouting for her to grab a pistol, and a crippling pain in her head.<p>

_I distinctly remember dying_, she thought to herself. _Is hell a giant hospital? That would be just my luck. Where's my crew? Where am I? God damn it, who is yelling at me? I'm pretty sure I hate her._

The pain wracked her whole body as she sat up and hobbled to the station, glaring down at some strange armor.

"What in the good god damn? What is this crap?" She growled, stepping into it as quickly as she could, but every time she moved her body protested with a sharp twinge of pain.

"You don't have time to wait around," the voice shouted. "Get to the compartment and grab your pistol."

She picked up the empty gun and groaned like someone had told her a bad joke.

"Hey," she snapped. "Annoying disembodied voice, this gun doesn't have a thermal clip."

"It's a _Med bay," _the Australian accent said over the comm. Shepard thought she could hear the woman rolling her eyes.

"If a thermal clip is a ridiculous thing to have in the med bay, why is there a gun in here?"

"Just get to cover, that wall's going to blow."

"Yup," she said as she limped into cover seconds before the canisters exploded. "Definitely hate her."

* * *

><p>"Two years," she said. Astounded.<p>

How could this be happening? The last thing she remembered was sending Joker off in his shuttle, and spinning idly through space as her oxygen leaked out. She hung her head into her hands. She felt like reality was slipping through her fingers. She had to get control back.

_Bite it down, Jane, _she thought. _Get a grip._

The two Cerberus operatives, Miranda and Jacob, were talking in the shuttle, but she didn't really hear any of it. Project Lazarus. Illusive Man. None of it meant anything to her. None of it made any sense.

They asked her something about the Skylian Blitz, the name ignited her memories. Holding the wall, getting the civilians into safety, refusing to run away. She made some sort of half-effort response.

"Whatever you call it, it was damn impressive," Jacob said.

Then they asked her about Ash. The name clicked in her head. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. Virmire flashed across her mind.

_ She stared out the window as they left the atmosphere, watching the mushroom cloud rising from the land. She thought about her defending the nuke before the explosion. She thought about her lowering her gun, making peace with her God just seconds before it went off. She remembered the chill that went through her as she watched. The tears she bit down, fought for the sake of her squad. She remembered a comforting hand on her shoulder, pain spreading through her chest. Warm blue eyes, silently comforting her. _

_ Garrus... _

"Where's the rest of my team? How do I find them? Are they all alive?"

"You didn't answer the question, Commander."

"Yes, yes, Ash died on Virmire to save us all. Where. Is. My. Team?"

They explained that they didn't have a lot of information on it, and that the Illusive Man would explain everything.

She was determined to get some answers.

She stepped into the ring that scanned her body, transmitting it to the Illusive man. It was an understatement to say that she was disappointed that she was only meeting his image, and not the actual man.

_Necessary precaution is right, _she thought. _I wouldn't hesitate to throttle your righteous ass. _

"Cut to the chase," she snarled after he jabbered for about 5 minutes. "What are the reapers doing that you spent billions of credits to bring me back?"

"We're at war," he said. "While you've been sleeping-"

"Dead," she corrected.

"Yes... Entire human colonies have been going missing. We think someone is helping the reapers, like Saren and the geth with Sovereign. You bested all of them. That's one of the reasons we chose you."

"Cerberus doesn't fight wars. What's the catch?"

"No catch. You may not agree with our methods but Cerberus' motives have always been to further human development. Now hundreds of thousands of humans have gone missing and we need you to get to the bottom of it."

"That's it? I wake up after two years of _dead_ and it's just business as usual? Get your ass back to work? Who do you think you are? Playing God like this. You had no right to interfere with my death. I don't have to do _anything _you tell me. The problem with bringing me back is you can't just cart me around now, I will decide my own battles."

"Yes, you will. I brought you back but there was never any guarantee that you would accept our way of thinking or help us. It is your decision and the ship is yours now. But you care about the fate of those colonies. You've never let a person die if you could stop it. And you're the only one who can stop it now."

"You son of a bitch," she growled. How dare he use her past against her. "I will check out this colony. But I do not answer to you, and I will not let you get in my way. After I check it out, I will decide what to do. Whether or not you remain in the loop will depend entirely on whether or not you're full of shit."

"There isn't much I can do to stop you now that you're alive. No one has ever been able to make you do anything you didn't want to do. But these people need you now Shepard, remember that."

"Die in a fire," she said over he shoulder as she walked out of the broadcasting ring.

* * *

><p>The mission was disconcerting on... just... so many levels. The only good thing about it was Joker.<p>

"You'll see, Commander, it'll be _better_ than the old days," Joker said, trying to be upbeat.

"I hope so," she said. "I _died._"

"Gah, you're such a downer!"

She smiled, only slightly. It wasn't real, but it was the first smile she had found since waking in the med bay. A little part of her past that was still in tact. There was no one else of her old crew available to her, Dr. Chakwas aside. She wondered if they would still be unavailable if they knew she was alive.

She went into the bathroom to look herself over, and everything really hit her. Tali had been at the encampment, retrieving an old team mate. She was shocked to see her alive. There was no recognition, no friendliness. Not that she could blame her. Two years. Two years. _**Two. Years**_**.**

_God, _she thought. _She looked at me like she didn't even know me._

She washed her face in the hottest water she could handle, just happy to feel how it hurt her. To ensure that she still felt pain. To ensure some part of her was still human. She lifted her shirt and was a little comforted by the fact that she could see the scar on her stomach from Noveria, of all her old scars it was the only one still there. It was much more faded than it had been, but it ensured that they had at least used her body to rebuild her, rather than starting from scratch. At least something was still her. She glared at her reflection, the dark rings around her eyes, the glowing red scar on her forehead that ran past her eye and down her cheek. She was looking more and more like Saren every day.

_No, _she thought. _I'm not like Saren. Saren was indoctrinated. I'm doing the right thing. I'm going to help these people. _

She had to stop thinking about it, she had to get it out of her head. She left the bathroom and stormed across the room, dragging a hand across the glass of the empty fish tanks to sort through the various dossiers.

* * *

><p><em>She poured bullets into Saren's husk, even after they had already killed it. <em>

_ "Shepard, it's dead," Garrus said, grabbing her shoulder from behind. She turned to look at him, tears streaming down her face. He held her tight and pressed his forehead against hers, holding her face in his hands. Her heart raced in her chest as she searched his eyes with hers. Something was happening to her. His thumb caressed her cheek as he held her. _

_ "It's over, Jane," he said._

_ The sound of him saying her name made her knees tremble, and sent a terrible pain surge through her. She wasn't right, something was happening. She pushed him away as hard as she could._

_ "Get the hell out of here," she screams at him._

_ He looks at her, confused, hurt in his eyes._

_ "Don't ask questions, god damn it, just go!"_

_ "Jane... what's wrong," he says, reaching for her. _

_ "No... Garrus..." She buckles over and the pain wracks through her body._

_ YOU ARE NOT SAREN, BUT YOU WILL DO._

_ She screams as the power goes through her body, bringing her to her knees, red light pulsing out of her cybernetics scars, her eyes, every part of her._

_ "GARRUS," she screams. "GO!"_

_ Her face contorts, her cheek bones jut out of her skin, cutting through the flesh of her cheeks. They stretch, elongate past her face to behind her head, making a sickening crunching noise. The top of her skull stretches, coming out of her scalp, stretching into fringe. Her eyes glow red and her nails grow into large, sharp, deadly weapons. The pain is unbearable. The sound that rips from her throat speaks of her pain. It's sickening._

_ I. AM SOVEREIGN._

_ "Shut up!" She says, clasping a taloned hand on either side of her head. "Get out of my head!"_

_ I AM THE VANGUARD OF YOUR DESTRUCTION._

_ Her head snaps up, her eyes focusing on Garrus. She roars, her teeth like needles, bared and angry. He backs up, slowly, the fear apparent on his face. She charges him punching her talons through the soft skin in his sides, his blood is hot on her hands as it spills out of him._

_ "Jane.." he chokes, coughing out blue blood, dripping down his mandibles. "...why?"_

_ "I'm sorry, Garrus," She cries, tears falling from her glowing eyes, trailing her face plates. _

_ "You're a monster," he says as his eyes roll back in his head._

_ "No... Garrus..."_

* * *

><p>"<strong><em>GARRUS<em>**!" she shouted, sitting up in her bed, reaching for someone that wasn't there. She panted heavily, sweat dripping down her form. She was shivering.

It was just like the past two nights. Sleep only came to her about 3 times, and even then only in 5 to 10 minute bursts, haunted by horrible nightmares of her cybernetics taking control, the reapers killing everyone in their path, her crew and friends dead on the Citadel. Tonight her nightmares were of Garrus. She couldn't get her mind off him. The dossier for one "Archangel" reminded her too much of him. Renegade sniper making life hard on some thugs. That was _so _something he'd do. She can't imagine that he went back to C-sec or stayed in specter training. If he had, it would have been easy to locate him. An impossible mission he could take on, no red tape to get in the way, and all the bad guys he could handle. It seemed right up his alley.

She laid back in her too-big bed with her hands over her face. Trying to think of her old crew. Trying to think if they would be happy to see her. Even if her crew did know she was alive, it would be rude to just ask them to drop whatever it was they had going on now to join some new impossible cause. A cause she didn't even want to be involved in. She was supposed to be dead. Rotting in some atmosphere somewhere, never having to worry about anyone or anything ever again. It was too much to fathom. She had to concentrate on the mission. As much as she hated the Illusive Man, he had been right. These people were going missing, and someone needed to find them. Men. Women. Children. They were all gone. No signs of struggle. Carted off by some giant bugs with smaller pet bugs. What the fuck.

If she concentrated on the mission, maybe she could keep her mind occupied enough so that she didn't think about the desolation she found waiting for her. Everything was different. In a matter of moments, everything had changed. Tali was leading her own team, Wrex was taking over Tuchanka, Liara was working with the shadow broker, Kaiden had been promoted moving on perfectly without her.

The Illusive Man's words haunted her:

_The turian disappeared a few months after you were declared dead. Even __**we**__ haven't been able to locate him._

She thought of him having found a nice girl back on Palaven. Garrus never seemed the settling down type, if he was still the Garrus she knew. She had always thought that he would finish specter training and join her on the Normandy and they could spend the rest of their years kicking ass and killing shit. She never really thought past that. But she certainly never considered a life without him in it, it wasn't even an option in her head. Now it was being forced on her against her will, her only friend having moved on without her. But still, the idea that he was somewhere, alive and happy with a woman he cared about, was calming. Though also strangely annoying.

She tossed and turned in her too-comfortable bed. The blue glow of the empty fish tanks taunting her. Why the hell does a ship need fish tanks?

Then it hit her. What if it _was_ him? No one knew anything about Archangel other than he was a turian. Cerberus said Garrus had disappeared and was untraceable. What if Cerberus had somehow accidentally gotten her old team mate back to her without even knowing it? She admitted the odds were slim. But a little bit of hope in an otherwise hopeless situation was better than succumbing to the madness that had been threatening her these 2 days.

She gave up on sleeping and sat at her private terminal for a few minutes, and decided to type out a message to his old C-Sec account, even if he didn't use it anymore, maybe it had a way of finding him. It was better than another night of nightmares and thrashing around her bed.

* * *

><p>"Omega has no titled ruler and only one rule..." The asari said. "Dont. <em>Fuck<em>. With Aria."

Shepard thought it was annoying that she was talking in the third person, but she needed answers, and the asari was well guarded. Shepard was in no mood for that shit storm.

"I like it," Shepard joked. "Easy to remember."

"If you forget, someone will be sure to remind you."

"Then I toss you out the nearest airlock," said the batarian guarding her.

_I'd like to see you try, _Shepard said in her head. Instead of that, she sat, quietly, and asked questions when she was queued to. Now that she thought about it, she figured that, if the situation were different, she would rather like Aria. Though she reminded her of someone she had heard about once, but couldn't put her finger on.

She found out all she could about both Archangel, and the salarian professor, Mordin, they were supposed to be finding. She told them that the mercs after Archangel were hiring anyone with a gun to help kill him. Shepard thought that seemed rather desperate.

"That sounds like it could be our ticket in," Jacob said from behind her.

_Yes, thank you for that resounding realization, Cerberus, _she thought.

It's not that she didn't like the kid, she just couldn't get the anger out of her. Though she did think it was disconcerting to watch how he always eyed her up. Might as well be licking his lips, he was that obvious. It weirded her out. She wondered if he had been looking at her like that when she was still dead, or if he only liked _reanimated _corpses.

She decided to go after Archangel first since he seemed to be in the more desperate situation. She wasn't going to risk him dying while they pranced around a plague zone. They needed him.

After rendering some kids gun useless so he couldn't go get himself killed, she finished her talk with the recruiter, and headed to the merc base camp. If nothing else, she was looking forward to killing something.

* * *

><p>Shepard tinkered with the hacking terminal on the Mech board. She hadn't done this in a long time, Tali had always hacked containers and crap for her. Not to mention the last two years of dead making her rusty. It clicked like something happened.<p>

"There, did I disable it?"

"No," said the Cerberus operative in that accent of hers. "But you did remove the friend/foe differentiating system."

"Nice," said the other one. "Now it'll shoot whatever it see's first."

"Whatever," she said dismissively. "It'll do."

She was not impressed with the intelligence of these mercs. She was _wearing _shit more expensive than what they were offering to pay her. She knew mercs were stupid, but this was just a gross oversight in judgment. Were they really this desperate?

She tried to talk to the different merc leaders to figure out what they knew about the sniper. But everyone's information was just as vague as the last. Even the "tactician", Cathka, had about as much information as a rabid Varren. But he was repairing a gun ship that promised to be trouble later, so she figured she could disable him and thus keep the machine in whatever level of disrepair it was in.

She got rid of him: Violently.

They started to charge the boulevard but couldn't really see anything, other than the piles of corpses littering the way. A merc charged passed them and his head quickly exploded. They hadn't even come over the wall yet. It was a hell of a shot.

"Holy hell," Jacob said. "He's a crack shot. He might be better than your old team mate."

"No one is better than Garrus," she said unable to hide her smile. Hope filling her chest, making her fingers twitch. She glanced around the corner just to see Archangel ducking into cover. It had to be him. It _had _to be.

Without even thinking she charged over the wall and sprinted into the building. She moved like lightening, killing everyone in her path with out even looking at them. A pistol in each hand. Moving purely on instinct.

"Commander," Miranda called out, stopping over the wall to kill the mercs coming from behind them. "What are you doing?"

"_**Teaching these mercs some god damn manners,**_" she shouted back at her.


	12. Reunited

_**Roarkshop Here: Finally the moment you've all been waiting for! I really hope you enjoy it! Because you've all been so supportive and patient I went ahead and made this chapter extra long for you guys!**_

_**Before you begin I just want to note that this chapter was probably the most challenging for me thus far. I wrote it probably a million times trying to stick to the original reuniting scene from Mass Effect 2, but it just felt fake considering how much history the two have with each other in my fan version. So I have strayed pretty damn far from the original scene, which I apologize for. For those of you who have been with me since the beginning, I hope that you will trust that I believe, sincerely, that you will enjoy my fan version better than the awkward one I was trying to dance around. I am very happy with the way this chapter turned out, and I hope that you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it. As always Private Messages, Reviews, and all other feedback is greatly appreciated and welcome. Check your PM Inbox for messages! And have a wonderful Monday! ^_^**_

_**Do I still have to keep saying that I don't own the characters and themes? Is Bioware really so insecure? This is all bioware. Derp.**_

* * *

><p><em>"You... You're Archangel. Aren't you?" said the Salarian who had been hiding behind some crates during the shoot-out.<em>

_"Who wants to know?"_

_"I just uh... I saw what you did with those mercs, the ones transporting the red sand. I just wanted to thank you."_

_Archangel exhaled, eying the man up and down before answering._

_"Why?"_

_"Well, the eclipse they... they killed my son. They pumped all that red sand into him to make him a biotic warrior and it killed him. I had been looking for a way to prove it, or to bring them down, but I just didn't have the know-how or the resources. I won't live long enough to find another breeding contract, so I'll likely never have another child, so thank you... for avenging him."_

_Archangel sighed through his nose and nodded saying nothing before turning away from the man. _

_"Wait," he said, pulling on his arm. "Take me with you."_

_"What?"_

_"Well, I don't have a lot of physical prowess...but I'm an _**artist **_with explosives. I can blow up half of Omega if I wanted to, or make an explosion so small no one would even know it happened until they noticed the safe was empty. All with chemicals that I can find at any supply shop or even in most peoples kitchens!"_

_"I can't endanger an innocent civilian to help me," he said._

_"I'm not a civilian, nor am I innocent in_** any**_ capacity."_

_Archangel studied the mans face, saw the darkness in it. He wondered almost idly if the salarian had spent time in the Special Tasks Group. Probably, if he was as good as he said he was. _

_"I'm not doing this for fun here," Archangel protested. "It's dangerous. I've almost died a few times now. Are you ready for that kind of burden?"_

_"It's nothing I haven't encountered before," he scoffed. "My only son is dead. What have I got left to live for?" _

_There was a long silence as that sank in. _

_"Alright, but I'm in no way condoning this." _

_Archangel said nothing else, just turned and walked away. The Salarian followed him back to base. _

_It flowed like a river after that, smooth and fast. They would do a big job, and a few others would see what they'd done and ask to join up. All of them with some kind of special skill that would benefit them as a group, each with a loss that they needed to avenge, each with a darkness of their own. _

_It was months before Sidonis found them. He was part of the merc group they had just annihilated, but there was something different about him. _

_"Just kill me," the turian pleaded. "I don't want to live like this anymore."_

_"You had a choice," Ripper, the batarian, said to him._

_"Everyone has a choice," Archangel said._

_"I didn't. Not at the time. They were going to kill my bond mate if I didn't work with them, they needed me for medical knowledge, and I needed Arillia to survive. Spirits, she was my whole world," he said, putting his head in his hands. "I don't have any combat skills to protect her with, or to fight the mercs off with. But it didn't matter. They killed her anyway, those sons of bitches." He slumped against the crate shivering. "Just get it over with," Sidonis whined. _

_The batarian raised his rifle to shoot. Archangel grabbed his arm. Wasn't this exactly what they were fighting to stop?_

_"We don't have a medic," Archangel said, kneeling down by Sidonis. "Do you want to avenge her?"_

_Sidonis was silent, analyzing Archangel's face. _

_"You bet your ass, I do."_

_Archangel held a hand out to him and helped him up. _

_"My name's Sidonis," he said. _

* * *

><p><strong>Blam.<strong>

The shot woke Garrus from the sleep he had drifted into, and he jumped. It had been two days since he had started defending his position on the bridge. A full day since his last companion died. Months since he had a decent nights sleep. He had enough clips to last him a lifetime, but energy. His energy was waning.

They were really pulling out all the stops on this push. His hands danced over his rifle, idly changing out his clip. He looked at his shattered helmet to the side, the whole front of it in pieces from the ambush, it seemed like a metaphor for his life at the moment. He lifted himself up to see over the ledge, just long enough for his visor to focus: Four.

He returned to his sitting position and placed his hands. Then popped up and took all four targets out.

**Blam. Blam. Blam. Blam.**

He sank back down, angrily ejecting his heat sink and cursing to himself.

If he had just let Ripper shoot Sidonis, none of this would be happening. Stupid, soft, gullible turian.

_How did I let myself get here, Shepard? How did everything go so wrong? _

He hadn't really thought of Shepard in months. In fact, the last time he thought of her was a little less than half a year ago, when he had been explaining to the new guy why they never hurt innocent civilians. Her words had echoed in his head.

_"If you don't care about the lives of the civilians, or the hostages, or any innocents, then you're no better than the people you're hunting. And if you don't care about them, why are you hunting in the first place? Is it because your pride is wounded? Or because they are horrible people who have done horrible things? If the fact that Dr. Saleon got away from you disgusts you more than the fact that he was growing body parts in live people, using them like test tubes, and throwing them away once he was done, then there is something _**seriously**_ wrong, Vakarian." _

That seemed so long ago now. Three years. He almost felt guilty for not having thought of her for so long.

But now that he was facing certain death, he couldn't think of anything else. A warmth filled him as he remembered the laughter, the playful jabs, the sheer joy in her eyes after killing a whole lot of something-or-other. He laughed to himself.

She told him once that he had the fire of a great leader. His men trusted him because of it, because she gave him the confidence to lead them. And he had gotten them all killed. Some homage to her he turned out to be. He wished he could blame her, that would make it easier.

He hadn't trusted anyone like her since. His merc band had his back, sure, but not like she did. It was completely different.

_That's obvious, _Garrus thought angrily._ Since one of them betrayed us all, and got everyone killed. _

He should have seen it. He should have known. Sidonis had always been cowardly. He cursed Shepard for being such a good person. Maybe if _she _had been a coward he would have known what to look for. Would have seen it coming.

But, no. Shepard was too good. Too benevolent. She would never have betrayed him. Or any of them, for that matter. So when Sidonis set the trap... he didn't know what he was supposed to be looking for.

He laughed once, As his mind started drifting.

_I guess this is my penance, Shepard, _he thought. _My penance for not being there to save you._

* * *

><p><em>Shepard was pacing around the debriefing room after receiving news that the council was finally sending reinforcements. The citadel was fast approaching.<em>

_"What are you doin?" he asked as he leaned on the doorway, crossing his arms. _

_"Thinking," she said as she continued. _

_"More like hiding," he said._

_She sighed and held the railing in her hands, putting her weight on her arms._

_"Yeah," she said. "I suppose I am."_

_"You should know better than to think you can hide from me."_

_She half laughed, half scoffed, hanging her head. _

_"Is it Williams?"  
><em>

_"Yeah," she admitted with a sigh. _

_"Hey, you did the right thing," he said approaching her. "You can't keep beating yourself up."_

_"It should have been me."  
><em>

_"Don't," he interrupted. "Don't do that. You know it's not true."_

_"Isn't it? The council has finally come around, there's no need for me anymore. Ash had a family, Garrus. Sisters waiting for her to come home. Parents. Maybe a boyfriend or something. I don't have any of those things...I don't know." She exhaled. "I don't have any reason to be here other than to stop the reapers. And now that the council's heads have been effectively removed from their asses, they will do that, with or without me." She sighed and wrung her hands on the railing, making it creak. "Ash had people waiting for her. Her death will destroy those people. Who am I to put my life before hers? I don't have a family to disappoint. No one will miss me when I'm gone. Not really."_

_He reached out and turned her around, keeping his hands on her shoulders. _

_"That's not true, Shepard. I know a little quarian who thinks the world of you."_

_Shepard laughed, a defeated sound. _

_"And there's me," he said, lowering his head to try and catch her eye-line. "I told you my friendship is hard to shake once you have it. I know Tali and I may not be the most orthodox family in the galaxy. But we're yours... And we would be **crushed** without you."_

_After a long silence, she smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling. He moved a curl out of her face, tucked it behind her ear, and held the side of her head as she moved into his arms. Like she always did._

_"So don't think you can just up and leave us in some damn explosion."_

* * *

><p><strong>Blam.<strong>

The shot brought him back to reality and he sighed, laying his head back on the crates behind him. Apparently she _could _up and leave them in a damn explosion, because that's exactly what she had done.

The despair started creeping up on him. He fought it down.

_Grief is how you get yourself killed, _he thought. He needed to stay focused. He needed to stay sharp.

He popped up again and killed two more mercs who had ventured over the wall. There were four behind it, three of them were, at least, smart enough to be in cover. The one that wasn't in cover was farther than most of his shots, but nothing he couldn't handle. He lined the cross-hairs over where the mans head was about to be, inhaled, held it, and squeezed.

The merc crumpled, headless, to the floor. He couldn't help but smile a little. It was a satisfying shot. No doubt Shepard would have said something snarky about it.

He turned and sank down to the floor again.

"Damn it, Shepard," he said to himself as he reached for another clip. "What would _you _be doing?"

"**Teaching these mercs some god damn manners**!" she replied, from a distance.

He laughed. It was just like her to say that.

Wait... what?

He froze in the reaching position he was in and blinked several times.

"She's with Archangel!" a merc cried before he made a weird gurgling sound. He popped up and looked over the ledge and saw two humans shooting at the mercs coming over the wall. One was a dark male, the other a barely armored female. His eyes darted around but he didn't see anyone else.

"Commander, wait" shouted the woman, reaching towards the building, her accent was one he didn't recognize. And it wasn't the voice he had just heard.

Then a scent hit him like a mallet to the face. Citrus. Earth.

It couldn't be.

Shots erupted from the other room. He got to his feet and made his way to the other side to look over the balcony. He held his rifle with one hand and gripped the concrete ledge with his other as he searched the room.

That's when he saw her.

She was approaching the stairs sideways, shooting the mercs coming from the bridge, when she noticed movement from above her. Her eyes flicked up briefly as if to quickly check for danger, when realization hit her face and she looked back up. Forgetting all threats, her posture straightened and her gun lowered slowly. Her hair was short now, and tucked behind her ears, stray strands decorating her brow carelessly, but the same brilliant red it had always been. The same vibrant green eyes looking up at him.

He was so stunned to see her, she might as well have had wings. How could this be happening? She was dead. Joker _saw _her die.

"Garrus..." she said more to herself than to him. It was so soft it sounded like a prayer. The sound of his name in her voice made his grip on the balcony wall tighten so hard his armored talons cracked the cement.

For the first time in three days, his rifle fell out of his hands.

Suddenly none of it mattered; the mercs, the time, the doubts. None of it.

Then, as if they had given each other some kind of silent cue, they were running.

"**Garrus**," she called as she ran up the stairs.

He couldn't get the door open fast enough.

"**Shepard**," he shouted, bursting out of the door, running to her like she would disappear if he didn't hurry.

She jumped into his arms, and they hit each other with such force that their armor crashed together and they spun in a half circle. Her scent swirled around him as he tucked his face into her hair while holding her up against his chest, one hand around her back, the other on the back of her head. The side of her face pressed up against the side of his, her arms wrapped around his neck, resting on his shoulder ridge. Her skin was cool against him. Her heartbeat raced under her flesh.

It was her. She was alive.

"I knew it was you," she said in a whisper.

"I thought you were dead," he replied, just as softly.

He didn't say any more. He couldn't think of anything else. If he opened his mouth, he feared the feeling in his chest would spill out of it. It took all his strength to fight the waves of relief crashing over him. The pounding of his heart. The blood coursing through him. The pure, unadulterated joy that surrounded them.

And so they remained for a long time, at least it felt like a long time, her feet dangling above the ground as he held her up. Her breath was hot on his neck, and he felt something wet on the side of his face.

The dark male and the unarmored female raced up the stairs and raised their weapons at him, his mandibles twitched, and he lowered Shepard to her feet at his side, raising his pistol with his free hand, his other still firmly wrapped around her. Protecting her. His instincts already reacting as if she had never left.

"Stop, all of you," she said, wiping a tear from her face and clearing her throat. She turned to Garrus, her body still pressed against him, her hands on his chest.

"What are you doing here?"

"What am _I_ doing here? You're supposed to be dead," he said.

"As if death could kill me, you should know better by now." He looked down at her, his eyes sketching even the most minor points of her face. Still trying to come to terms with her being alive.

The male crossed his arms. "What the hell is this?" he spat.

"Miranda, Jacob. Archangel is Garrus Vakarian." Garrus lowered his weapon, but didn't release his grip on it. Or her.

"You're old team mate? What are the odds?" the female said.

"More than team mate, by the looks of it," Jacob said sounding more snide than he had wanted to.

"Shut your god damn mouth, Cerberus," she said, pointing a gloved finger at him. "You have no idea what Garrus and I have been through together."

**Blam. Blam. Blam.**

The mercs were closing in.

"Everyone, in here," Garrus said, leading them all back into his snipers nest, locking the door behind them.

"How did you get yourself here, Garrus?" she asked.

"It's a long story. I will tell you the whole damn thing if we get out of here alive. Where in the hell have _you _been?"

"My story's probably longer, or shorter depending on how you look at it," she said with, what looked like, an embarrassed grin. That's when he noticed the eerie cybernetics scar running the length of her face, and the darkness around her eyes. "You're right," she continued. "We can do all this later. Right now, we're in a war zone and need a plan."

"We can't just sit here and wait for them to come to us," Jacob said indignantly.

"It's not all that bad. This place has held them off so far, and with the three of you? I say we hold this position until there's a crack in their defenses, then make a break for it."

"I was never very good at sneaking anyway. Let's spill a little merc blood."

"If there is one thing you lacked, it was definitely subtlety." His mandible clicked as he looked down at her again. It was like she never left. "Glad to see you haven't changed," he said.

And for the first time in the longest time, a smile came to him naturally.

* * *

><p>"Well... they had to use their brains eventually," he said as he tried to override the shutters from his omni-tool.<p>

"I'll go," Shepard said. "Soldier Boy, with me. Lawson, stay with Garrus, keep him alive."

"Fine," she spat. "But I don't think this is a good idea."

"Your opinion has been noted and disapproved," she said before gripping the front of Garrus' armor and pulling him down to eye level, like she had done when they first met. That old military tone she had always used ripe throughout her tone. "I didn't come back from the dead and find you just for you to die on me, you understand?"

"Yes ma'am," he rumbled with a smile.

The edges of her lips twitched like she was fighting down a smile. Then, she turned to leave with Jacob. He watched her go. Observed her gait. The same old swing of her hips, the same old confidence in her stride. It had to be her. It _had _to be.

He rubbed his eyes with the hand that wasn't holding his rifle and took a moment to try and figure out what the hell was going on. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe he was dead already.

"I'm sure this is rather hard to deal with," the woman said.

"Yeah," he replied, having totally forgotten she was even there.

"You don't seem very happy to have her back."

"She's been dead for two years," he snapped. "I don't even know if she's the same person anymore."

"She is. She has been brought back to her complete original state," she said, sounding more prideful than Garrus though she aught to. "She's back to being her old self."

"I'll be the judge of that," he said eying the woman up and down. Spirits, she was grotesque. "What is that ghastly getup? You know we're in the middle of a shoot-out, right? Do you just hate armor that doesn't exaggerate your curves or does Cerberus teach you to dodge bullets _really _well?"

"I _have _to put up with that crap from Shepard, I don't need to take any of it from you, _turian!_" she said tossing her hair.

_Holy hell, _he thought. _Williams got reincarnated with huge teeth. _

He tried not to laugh.

"How about I'll stop pretending I know anything about you, and you stop pretending you know anything about Shepard. Deal?"

"But I _do _know Shepard. I spent two years of my _life _learning everything there is to know about Shepard. I have an entire cabinet full of folders and backgrou-"

"What's her favorite color?" he interrupted.

"I... what?"

"Her favorite color. If you know her so well, what is it?"

"I didn't mean that I-"

"Red. How many bones had she broken before she died? Twelve. How does she like her coffee? Trick question, she hates coffee. Rain makes her sad, she has a _horrible _sense of direction, and her compassion is endless. She isn't just her past or files and charts or whatever it is you _think _you know about her. She's a person and weather or not she's been returned to the 'original' will be for those who _knew _her to decide," he huffed. Then waited a beat. "And _no one_ knew Shepard like I did."

Miranda looked shocked at first, but then anger set in her face. She opened her deformed mouth to speak, no doubt, but was thankfully interrupted by gun fire.

_Saved by the bullets, _Garrus thought. _Mark that with one of the things I thought I'd never say._

_"God Damn it!" _Shepard cursed over the comm as the sound of the second hangar being shut wailed in the distance. "Who in the blue hell would give a vorcha a flame-thrower? Honestly. I mean what the fuck! That's like giving a Krogan a newborn infant and saying 'here ya go, big guy, don't fuck it up!' Christ. I've been dead for two years and _no one _got any smarter?"

"Alright," Garrus said chuckling, lining up a shot. "Maybe it _is_ her."

* * *

><p>He faded in and out of consciousness after he caught the gunship's missile with his face. He only remembered details. Shepard's scent, a blurred voice, shouting, white hallways. Next he knew he heard the beeping of machines. His face was on fire. Shepard was screaming.<p>

"_Garrus_," she screeched. "_Garrus, no_!"

The desperation in her tone was what brought him out of the haze. His eyes snapped open, and his survival instincts immediately went into overdrive. His vision was so blurred he could hardly make out colors. He smelled sanitizer, antiseptic, his blood, human sweat, fear...

Shepard...

He enraged. He needed to protect her. He wasn't going to lose her again. Sitting up, an unconscious growl emanated from deep within his chest. He looked around, but still only really saw blurred shapes. He felt tension pulling on him, something in his arm pulling him back, hands around his shoulders and wrists, restraining him.

"_Don't leave me, Garrus_," she cried. Her voice was so desperate. So afraid. He saw the red of her hair in the distance, and only then started to be able to see defined shapes as his vision slowly cleared.

The resistance on his arms infuriated him, he lunged an arm, hoisting the weight of the crewman trying to restrain him so he flew and crashed into a tray of machinery_._ With his hand free he reached over to the other assistant restraining him, and grabbed the front of his shirt. He pushed him back and then pulled him in, lunging his forehead into the mans nose. He heard the _crunch_ of the cartilage in the mans face breaking and smelled the sudden overflow of unfamiliar human blood. He looked down at the tube in his arm, he could see it almost clearly. He ripped it out and tried to stand as his eyes finally found her. The sight made blood boil under his skin.

She was being restrained by the dark skinned human and two other men he didn't recognize.

Threats. All of them.

His talons ached to rip into them. She had his scent all over her, she was covered in his blood up to her elbows. Her throat was tense with her screams. Her face poured determination as she tried to free herself from the hands restraining her. She was calling for him. She was in trouble. She was frightened...

He wouldn't stand for it.

* * *

><p>Shepard didn't recognize anyone else in the room, the madness in her reached an apex as she saw the blood, heard the beeping of the machines, watched him die. Everything was blurred. She told herself that it was just another nightmare. Just reliving that terrible night back on earth. It had to be.<p>

Their eyes met, and his breath huffed in his chest. No one dare try to restrain him again. His savagery paralyzing them in their tracks.

Jacob raised his pistol at the turian and Shepard howled at him, an animal like sound ripping from her throat. She wrung her hand out of the other crewman's grasp and flung her fist across the distance to his face. He fell to the ground with an outraged cry of pain. She didn't recognize him. No one else mattered.

When he started to make his way to her, everything changed. He wasn't a helpless friend she had failed to protect. He was a killer. He was vicious. He was lethal. His eyes danced around the room, assessing every threat, promising a terrible fury. His talons were open and primed. The sound he was making was feral.

His steps were slow, but purposeful, as he closed the distance between them in the med bay. Blood dripped from his right mandible onto the bare plates of his chest as it clicked with his anger. He was daring someone to come between them.

Something in her ignited.

Dr. Chakwas threw herself in front of her, making herself a road block between them, grasping her hard on the shoulders, shaking her.

"_**Jane**_," Chakwas insisted. "Snap out of it, girl. Your psychosis is going to have to wait. If he doesn't calm down we can't help him. Listen to me!" She shook her again. _"_**_Jane_,** he's going to_ **die**_ if we don't _**help**_ him!"

"What? I …." she blinked several times, reality forcing its way back into her brain. Her senses finally started clearing. She put her hand on her head, which was pounding now. What was happening to her? Why was she losing control so easily? Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

That's when she saw Garrus over the doctor's head, and her knees started trembling as she saw the blood, realized what a dire situation they were in. His rage-filled eyes focused on Chakwas. No recognition in them. He was assessing a new threat, raising a primed talon over her head and bringing it down. Her reflexes sent the hand that was holding her head up to catch his wrist fractions of a second before his talons tore into the doctor. He looked at her, furious confusion in his face. She pushed the doctor out of the way.

"Garrus," Shepard said holding onto his wrist. But she didn't know what else to say. How was she supposed to get through to him? He was dying. His base instincts had kicked in to help him survive a threat he couldn't understand. She had to help him. She was going to lose him. "Oh god," she said, shivering frantically, not knowing what to do. The powerlessness infuriated her.

_Get a grip, God damn it!_

Sensing her fear, his arm wrapped around her hips and pulled her towards him protectively. He leaned toward the men who had been restraining her and roared, the most vicious sound she had ever heard, raising his free talon at them. Fully prepared to shred them into thin strips. The men cowered under his overwhelming rage.

"Garrus, it's Shepard," she said, reaching up and putting a hand on either side of his face. It was slick with his blood. "Don't do this, I need you to calm down." She tried to sound strong but she was so afraid. She tried to bite it down. She tried.

Her proximity to him interrupted his anger. The intensity of his growl lessened almost immediately upon meeting her eyes, it sounded like an idling engine. His hand, which had been raised to threaten the assistants, fell to hold her hand against his face.

"Garrus, you're safe. I'm safe. Everything is okay."

His eyes darted around, questioning what she said.

Their faces were mere inches apart as she looked up at him, his blood dripping down the front of her shirt, her free hand fell from his face, down his neck and onto his shoulder, hoping she was being comforting, trying to stop how she trembled.

_God damn me, _she thought. This was all her fault. If she had stayed calm she wouldn't have made his instincts kick in. But it was so real to her. Back on Earth, watching her closest friend die on the god damn operating table. Her weakness had finally gotten the better of her.

And it was unforgivable.

Now she had to undo it somehow. It was akin to trying to force a bullet train going full speed into reverse.

"Please," she begged desperately. The tears choked in her throat. "They need to help you. Garrus, please, I can't let you die."

There was a long pause. Everyone in the room frozen. The rumble from his chest the only discernible sound. His hands moved to grip her hips and he loomed over her, pulling her into him, his predatory blue eyes searching hers. Analyzing them for truth.

"Promise me," he said with an angry exhale. His words were almost inaudible within the low growl still resounding from his chest. "Promise me that you're safe."

"I'm safe, Garrus. I promise," she hurried. "Please calm down, I can't do this without you."

His head lowered beside hers and he nuzzled the side of her face with the unwounded side of his. Her toes curled unconsciously as her heart sped up, her ears were hot, and she exhaled sharply. He spared a glance at the people around them. The tension in his shoulders eased under her hands.

"If anything has happened to you," he said slowly, lifting his head again to look at her. "I had better not wake up, because I will kill _everyone_ on this vessel."

His strength was waning as the adrenaline started wearing off. Unconsciousness threatened him.

"I understand," she said, holding his face again. "I will be here, Garrus."

He nodded, satisfied. He exhaled through his nose and his eyes rolled. His strength gave way, bringing him to his knees. She tried to support him, but he was massive. Chakwas deftly injected his neck with a sedative and the humans around the room hefted his unconscious form back onto the bed. The assistants who were well enough immediately started surgery.

She sat there on the ground, her hands and arms stained bluish purple from his blood, her hands on her knees, shivering.

Regardless that she had punched him in the face moments ago, Jacob offered a hand to help her up, his jaw already bruising. Miranda had drilled him enough on her fragile mental state, he wasn't going to hold a grudge.

"I'm sorry," she said looking at him, then around the room. "Everyone. I'm so sorry, I don't... he didn't...That wasn't him."

"We know," Chakwas said, helping her up with Jacob. "You need to sleep, Jane. You're dangerously close to a psychotic break."

Shepard ignored the last part.

"Is he going to die, Doc?"

"No," she assured. "Now that we've got him sedated the repair should be extensive, but manageable. His predator instinct to protect you was... profound."

She didn't know what to say to that, other than all this chaos had been her fault. She needed to keep her emotions in check. It had never been a problem in the past. She looked around the room at the concerned faces, so many thoughts running through her mind. She needed to think.

"Don't worry," the doctor said. "You just need to sleep."

Shepard thought she felt a pinch in the side of her neck, but was concentrating too hard on trying to stop shivering to really notice.

"Thank you," she said as her vision fogged. "All of you."

_How did I become so weak, _she thought as her strength slowly gave way_. _She vowed to herself then that it would be the last time she let her emotions take control of her. It was too dangerous. Whatever came, she would keep it inside, bottle it up, keep it from hurting anyone. She couldn't let what just happened happen again.


	13. Unfamiliar

_**"You prove that you get things done, and people join up."**_

_**Roarkshop here: So a special shout out to my new homie K.D. for volunteering to be my new proof reader/editor/fellow fan-girl. Hopefully now that I don't have to read the chapters a bazillion times I'll be able to post 2 a week every once in a while. She is an instrumental help and I'm so excited to get this story done now!**_

_**Per usual all themes and characters are bioware. **_

* * *

><p>Shepard woke up in the Med Bay after only an hour. Even sedation was no match for her nightmares.<p>

The Med Bay was empty except for Garrus. She slowly stood up, her head pounding, and made her way to his side. The slow rise and fall of his chest made her feel better. She thought of her reaction to seeing him die. Well at least she thought that's what she was seeing at the time. God, the memories made her face flush. What a fool she made out of herself. What a terrible display of weakness. She cursed herself silently for long minutes.

_Damn me, _she thought putting her face in her hands. How could she have over-reacted so blatantly? What the hell was wrong with her? She had made him think she was in trouble, and in his weakened state his instincts just... reacted.

She wondered if he'd ever forgive her.

As much as she wanted to, she decided not to sit with him. Instead she headed out of the Med Bay, into the elevator and to her cabin. He probably wouldn't even want to see her once he realized what a mess she had made of everything. How foolish she had acted. No, she'd leave him to sleep in peace and deal with her own bullshit on her own. It was how it had to be.

She sat in her room after that, knees against her chest, hard floor under her, staring at the glowing, empty, fish tank. She had to get a grip. She'd never been unable to cope with her trauma in the past. Surely a rape/murder was more traumatic than waking up from a coma, wasn't it?

But she hadn't been in a coma. She was dead.

_Ugh, _she thought, putting her head on her knees. _What does it even matter? I'm alive now, right?_

...Right?

She shook her head and scrambled her, now short, hair with her fingers. "God damn it," she cursed slamming her fists into the ground. She thought of the way he had looked at her, the fury in his face, the blood dripping onto his chest plates.

She put the heels of her hands over her eyes. Red hot embarrassment filled her face. _Get a hold of yourself, _she demanded silently. _The mission is too important. You don't have time for this kind of bullshit._

Her weaknesses were intolerable.

She went to the bathroom to wash her face hoping it would calm her some. She just had to wait it out until the morning. Then she had a war zone to head into where the salarian professor was. War zones were better therapy than sitting in the middle of the floor, trying to think her way out of her own mind.

She ran the water until it was steaming in the sink and cupped some in her hands, splashing it onto her face. The water stung. Burned her face. The pain was relaxing. She did it two or three more times until numbness set in. She reached for a towel and held it on her face as she stood, dabbing away the droplets of water from her skin.

When she lowered the towel, Saren's face was staring back at her in the mirror.

"AGH-" She called out, jumping back and losing her footing, toppling to the floor in the bathroom. When she scrambled back to her feet to look in the mirror again, he was gone. It was just her. Cybernetic scar and all. She put a hand on her throbbing head and realized she was shivering again.

_God damn it, _she thought. _That's certainly not a good sign._

* * *

><p>His eyes fluttered open to the fluorescent light of the Med Bay. He lifted a hand to his head, and noticed the resistance of the I.V.s before putting his arm back down. Spirits, his head was splitting. Where was Shepard? Had she actually come to save him minutes before he fell? Or was it just a desperate hallucination created in a last ditch effort to help him survive? Had it worked? Was he dead? The details were all so fuzzy he could hardly remember anything other than her desperate face in the Med Bay.<p>

"Fast recovery like always, Mr. Vakarian," came a familiar accented voice.

His eyes couldn't focus as he sat up. "Doctor Chakwas?" He was pretty sure there was a human shaped blob moving towards him.

"One in the same," she said, almost cooing, putting a hand on his shoulder to let him know where she was.

"Where is she?"

"The debriefing room with the newest crew member."

He relaxed a little.

"What in the hell is going on?" he groaned.

"Well, you were hit in the face by a gunship missile, and then went berserk in the Med Bay."

"Cute," Garrus scoffed, not appreciating her sarcasm. "After that. Before that. Have I found a loop hole back in time? Shepard's alive, I'm back in your Med Bay, what the hell, Doc?" He grunted and held his throbbing head in his hand.

"Right," she continued. "Well, Shepard was killed when the original Normandy was destroyed. It only took a few weeks after her funeral for the Council, _and _the Alliance, to start dismissing her theories on the Reapers as rubbish. 'The desperate ideas of an over-tired specter', they said."

"I remember that part," he said, rubbing his head. "That's why I left."

"That's why we all left," she said with a sigh. "Joker and I had been officially grounded. Everything was crumbling apart without her. A few months later Cerberus found us. Told us they were rebuilding both the Normandy _and _the Commander. They didn't give us any details but they assured us that the Commander would be revived and that we were welcome to serve under her once again when that happened."

"So... what.. they saved her?"

"More like rebuilt her. From what I understand there wasn't a lot left of her when they found her body. Top-of-the-line technology was used to reanimate her cellular structure and brain activity. They must have spent a large fortune to do it."

"Why?" he said, still confused. "Why does Cerberus care?"

"No doubt you've heard of the humans disappearing in the Terminus Systems."

"Yeah. Whole colonies, right?"

"Yes, well, they've found out that The Collectors are who are taking them. We don't know why or for what but Cerberus believes that they are answering to The Reapers. And there's only one person who has dealt with a Reaper before, so they figured it would be worth their time to bring her back."

"Last I checked," Garrus said as he tried to stand. "Cerberus was bad news. Sick experiments, pushing for human domination... the works. "

"Shepard doesn't trust them either. It would be an understatement to say that she's been on edge around them. But once she found out about the Collectors... the Reapers...well..."

"Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "She's still Shepard."

"She certainly is," she sighed, going to sit at her desk. "She hasn't slept at all since awakening three days ago. She's so sleep deprived, compounded with the stress of waking up, losing two years of her life... I worry about her. After you were wounded she almost suffered a full-scale psychotic break. I even sedated her but she still only slept for the better part of an hour. If she doesn't get some real rest soon I fear the long term ramifications."

"She hasn't slept in three days? Why?"

"I suspect that, now that you're here, she might get better. I don't know all the details, you know how she hates consulting me on anything. But I know she's been having terrible nightmares that wake her after only a few minutes of sleeping. The amalgam of stress would have reduced a lesser person to shambles by now. I'm actually surprised she went as long as she did without erupting."

"Doc," he said turning to her, holding his splitting head again. "I only really _just _came to terms with her death. And now she's... I don't know... this is a lot to take in."

"I know."

"And now what?" Garrus said, growing more and more frustrated. "She's been alive three days and she's already back in the suicide saddle? Taking on an ancient race of bad guys no one has any information about? Picking up where we left off as if there isn't two years of her being _dead _in between?" He exhaled and leaned on his fists over the bed. "How many times does she have to die until she's satisfied?"

"Does that mean you're not going to help her?"

"What's the matter with you," he snapped. "Of course I'm going to help her. I'd follow her into hell if she asked me to." He turned and stomped his way out of the med bay. "Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it."

* * *

><p>Shepard had been listening to the salarian professor prattle on and on and on for the last hour on the way back to the ship. He barely put spaces between his words. She and Jacob were trying to debrief him after they finally got him on the Normandy, which was proving difficult.<p>

"No distress signals are sent out. There's virtually no evidence that anything unusual happened at all," Jacob explained. "Except that every man, woman, and child is gone."

"Gas Maybe? No, spreads too slow. Airborne virus? No, slower than gas. Drugged water supply? No, effects not simultane-"

"For the love of _God _man, take a breath!" Shepard snapped.

"Easy, Shepard," Jacob said. "He's a problem solver, that's just his process."

"Well fucking, shit, man. Internalize a little." Her hand rubbed her eyes to try and push the pain away. The pounding in her head eventually gave way to the regret for snapping at the salarian. "You don't need to keep guessing," she said, trying to sound calmer. "We have plenty of DNA samples and muck for you to play with in the lab."

"Interesting, resistant to trauma yet mental state weakening with compound stress. Obvious sleep deprivation, 3 days at least. Human physiology normally weak to mental trauma, quite possibly at the point of legal insanity."

Shepard was staring, dead pan, and obviously not amused.

"Will need a lab," he continued, awkwardly. "To start research on tissue."

"Our lab is fully equipped, Professor Solus," EDI chimed. "I will direct you."

The professor happily trotted out of the room, the doors wooshed behind him and Shepard lifted her hand to her head to take down her hair, only to remember that most of it was missing now. Just another reminder of how different everything was. She jumbled her hair with her hands as if it gave her some kind of control. After a few seconds of awkward silence she exhaled.

"Sorry again," she said. "About the punch in the face."

"Really, Shepard," Jacob said. "You can stop apologizing. You didn't even punch me that hard."

"Jacob," she protested. "I can see the bruise on your face and you're black. Of _course_ I hit you hard."

"Well," he said chuckling, rubbing the spot on his chin. "I was going to shoot him, so. Imagine what you would have done then."

"Good point," she said, leaning over the table. "What's next? Prison ship?"

Jacob explained the details to her as best he could but he could tell she wasn't listening. She just kept holding her head and wincing, so eventually she dismissed herself and she trudged her way back up to her cabin, ignoring the friendly greeting of Kelly Chambers as she loaded herself into the elevator. She thought about stopping in to check on Garrus, but figured she would be more of a hindrance than helpful. He probably didn't even want to see her.

She collapsed onto her couch, her legs dangling over the arm of it. She was so tired. So worn. She could hardly keep her eyes open. But she fought it. She knew as soon as she fell asleep the nightmares would come back. Even still, she only lasted about fifteen minutes before she started to drift.

"You have a visitor," EDI chimed, making her eyes pop open. The doors to her chambers hissed and she sat up to see Garrus' form filling the space.

"Shepard," he said, looking at her sideways, like he had always used to.

"Garrus." She almost breathed his name as she scrambled to her feet. "Hey."

It was good to see him up and about. Relief filled her chest at the sight of him.

There was an awkward silence as she tried to think of what to say. How to apologize for her terrible show of instability in the med bay. But what could she say? 'Sorry I'm crazy'? 'Funny thing about coming back from the dead, they don't tell you about the _psychosis?' _

_Ugh, _she thought. _I'm fucked._

But before she could think of anything to say to him, he had closed the distance and wrapped his arms around her.

* * *

><p>"I don't really fully understand what's going on," he admitted, exhaling through his nose, holding her, relishing how her scent surrounded him. "And I don't much care either, I'm just glad that you're alive."<p>

She was silent for a beat, and he felt her exhale against his chest.

"If nothing else," she said softly. "I'm glad that you're glad."

The reaction wasn't what he expected, and it made a weird lump form in the pit of his stomach as she pulled away. Did that mean she _wasn't _glad?

He tried to assess her as she pulled herself out of his arms. She didn't linger like she usually did when he held her, it was almost like the touch made her uncomfortable. Like she was afraid of him. He had hoped she would have understood his reaction in the Med Bay, but by the looks of it, that most certainly wasn't the case.

She obviously wasn't healthy. Though, what the normal level of health should be for "being brought back from the dead" he wasn't sure. He decided she looked great for a dead woman.

The rings around her eyes were so dark it looked like she had been avoiding sleep at all costs. Her short hair framing her face was different, but it was neglected and stringy, not full like it had used to be. The bright cybernetics scar trailing her face was unnerving. Something about it all was different. Eerie. He was starting to realize why the doctor had been so worried about her.

She had her fists on her hips and was pacing for long silent moments, chewing on her lip.

"Listen Garrus, about the Med Bay-"

"Don't," he said, lifting a hand. "Don't even bother. I'll ignore your rampage if you ignore mine. Deal?"

She exhaled through her nose, her brow sternly furrowed. She obviously wasn't happy with the consensus, but bit her tongue anyway.

"Deal."

"I already apologized to the crewman whose nose I broke. I can't think of a lot of good things to say about Cerberus, but at the very least they don't seem to hold a grudge."

She didn't laugh, just nodded absently.

His eyes traveled the length of her then back up. Obvious problems aside, he was still just happy to see her. He was still having trouble sorting through all the doubts surrounding her less-than-triumphant return, but there she was.

The awkward silence was something he wasn't used to, however. Their conversations had always flowed so naturally he never really needed to try. He was trying to figure out what was making them so uncomfortable. It was almost like the silence was a third person in the room, distracting her.

"Chakwas wouldn't give me a mirror," he said gesturing to his face, trying to break the silence.

"Hmm?" she said looking at him, only then hearing what he had said.

"How bad is it?"

"Hell, Garrus," she said, sinking into a hip, that old confidence in her stance. "You were always ugly. Put some face paint on there. No one will even notice it."

He laughed, and immediately regretted it. "Agh, don't make me laugh. Damn it."

She laughed a little, but the silence took over again.

"So, definitely and upgrade from the last quarters, huh?" he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "My feet hang off the bunk in the battery."

She waved off the comment like it angered her.

"You can _have _this one," she said, sitting on the arm of the couch. "It's not like I'm using it. It's too big and too comfortable for me to get any real sleep in it."

"So you can't sleep in your bed because it's _too _comfortable?"

"Well you remember the bunks on the Normandy. I had been sleeping on those rock slabs for years before you came around, you know. Sometimes I sleep on the floor here just to try and get more than a few minutes at a time."

"You look like you haven't slept in years, Shepard."

"Thanks," she scoffed, and waved him off when he went to protest her offense. "Anyway it's quite the contrary. This is what it looks like when you have done nothing _but _sleep for years."

She put her hand on her head, wincing, like someone had just shouted at her. She cleared her throat and ran her fingers through her hair to try and play it off, but he had already seen it.

"You okay?" he asked, tilting his head.

"Yeah," she said. "I mean I guess. I don't know how good zombies are generally supposed to feel, so I guess I can't complain."

"You're not a zombie," he said, trying to comfort her. "I mean, unless you've got a hankering for brain matter I don't know about. In which case I can back away slowly."

"If brains were what I was craving I most _certainly _wouldn't cause a threat to _you,_".

"Ooh," he said putting a palm on his chest like she'd shot him there. "My poor pride."

She laughed, genuinely. Her smile lit up her face, if only slightly. For the briefest moment, she looked like he had remembered her. The realization of just how far she was falling was jarring to him. He didn't know what he was supposed to say or how he was supposed to help her. How do you deal with coming back from the dead? Everything in your life changing in the span of moments? He had no idea what she was going through, no frame of reference.

"So," she said, feeling the awkwardness between them. "You know my whole traumatic story. What's yours? How did you let those mercs corner you on that bridge? That's pretty out of character for you."

"Ah yeah," he said exhaling. "If it's all the same to you, Shepard, it's been a hell of a day. I'm going to head back down to the main battery for now." He cleared his throat. It's not that he didn't want to tell her. But so much had happened, so many thoughts swam through his mind, he wasn't ready for the inevitable rehash of Omega.

She nodded, but the sadness in her face was apparent.

"Of course, Garrus," she said, standing. "We got the prison ship in three days. So rest up."

"Aye, Commander," he said before turning and exiting.

Once he loaded himself into the elevator he fell against the wall of it, leaning his head back.

_This isn't what I wanted, _he said to himself. All the times he had idly wished Shepard was alive, it was more that she had never died rather than she was brought back from the dead, a shadow of her former self. It seemed like her. She still made the same faces, stood the same way, smelled and looked the same. But it was like she was just _acting _like herself. Like someone else was in her skin. He put his head in his hands.

_How much of her is even in there?_

* * *

><p><em>Commander? <em>She thought. _He called me Commander. _

She fell to the floor and sat on her knees, confused. Everything was so different now. He seemed like he was happy to see her, but, it was different. It was so awkward. Can he tell that she's broken? Was it his superior senses that made him retreat like that? He had practically sprinted out of the room. Could he hear the machinery in her like she could? Did he see what an abomination she was?

_Probably, _Saren said. _We turian's can sense even the smallest changes in you. He's probably intimidated by your new found power. _

She squeezed her head so hard she thought she was going to make her nose bleed. She wasn't hearing voices. She wasn't. She couldn't be. She wasn't crazy. She just needed to sleep.

She settled against the floor on her side, putting her hands over her ears to stop the noise. She closed her eyes and took deep, slow breaths.

_The mission is too important, _she thought. _Get a grip. _


	14. Darkness

_**Roarkshop here: Happy Monday, people! As always hope you enjoy! Read, review, PM, or whatever! I love to hear from you guys!**_

___**Shoutout to KD for the editing and proofing help! She's awesome! Again: Bioware owns all!**_

* * *

><p>To say things were awkward was an understatement.<p>

The crew, save for Miranda who always seems to be on her bad side, seemed to fall more in love with the Commander every day. Garrus heard them chattering away in the mess hall about how much nicer she was than they thought she was going to be. He couldn't understand what they meant because, to him, it seemed like she was colder than he had ever known her to be. He guessed that since these people had never known Shepard before she died, they thought this version was just as good.

But Garrus knew better.

He watched as she made her usual rounds on the ship, stopping to talk to every crew member just like she used to. But there was an emptiness in it. A routine to it all. She answered and replied to things in the same ways she always would, but it was hollow. It was almost like she was reading her replies from a cue card or pulling them out of memory. They weren't organic and clever. They were robotic. It made him even more uncomfortable around her. She would stop by the battery and try and get him to talk about Omega, but he just couldn't. Something was obviously much more wrong with _her _and he wasn't about to add to her trouble by adding his own. At least not until he could figure out how to help her.

He hoped she would understand as he made some half-hearted excuse about calibrations needing to be done. She would exhale from her nose, be exceedingly polite, and exit the battery. His heart sank every time. That old spark between them was gone. Every flicker of it reigniting was quickly stomped out by her complete inability to laugh or make light of anything. He was starting to doubt whether or not the real Shepard was in there at all.

Third day in a row he smelled her scent approaching the battery, her unique gait along the metal pathway. The familiarity of it all always seemed to make him relax a little, at least until the awkwardness showed up.

"Commander, need me for something?" he asked, like he usually did. Once he turned around he noticed the darkness in her face was especially severe. She didn't even make eye contact with him.

"Purgatory. Gear up," was all she said as she turned away from him, not even attempting to make conversation.

"Expecting trouble, Commander?"

She didn't turn around, just turned her head over her shoulder with a smirk that spoke more of fury than of humor.

"You know me," she said dryly. "Trouble follows me around like I have a god damn sign on my back that says 'I love to be fucked with'."

* * *

><p>"As this is a high security vessel," the turian guard droned. "It is required that you relinquish any and all weapons."<p>

She drew her gun and held it idly in her hand. "I'll relinquish one bullet," she said. "Where do you want it?"

Garrus bit down his laughter as the conversation went on.

After a rather unnecessary staring contest with the warden, Kuril was his name, they were allowed on board with their weapons in place. He lectured them about the security of their facility, bragging about how he bribed the home planets of the convicts into keeping the prisoners secure. He was a slave trader, but instead of indentured servants, he dealt in convicts.

"So it's an extortion racket," Garrus said.

"A _dangerous _extortion racket," Shepard corrected.

The turian warden was obviously displeased with what they said, but he dismissed it with some snide comment about the care they took to keep the prisoners in line. He pointed them to out-processing before leaving to check the money transfer for the biotic they were taking with them. Jack.

They passed by a guard ruthlessly beating an unarmed prisoner. Another guard watching safely from the other side of the glass. They weren't asking questions. They weren't trying to get information. Just brutally beating him.

_Stop this, _Garrus had expected her to say. _There's no excuse to beat a man who can't fight back._

But that wasn't what she said. It wasn't even close.

"Whatever he did... he probably deserves worse."

Garrus was stunned into silence. Anger started creeping up in his chest.

"He certainly does," the guard said, nodding.

"Inhumane," the salarian professor raged. "Unacceptable. Violation of basic organic dignity!"

"And what if I stop it?" Shepard whirled. "We stop it this once and nothing changes. We don't make a difference. They will just keep doing it to more and more prisoners after we leave. The whole god damn place is corrupt, us stopping this will not change the moral fiber of these men."

The professor inhaled through his nose sharply. Thinking.

"Sound Logic... Disconcerting reaction."

She rubbed the side of her head, something he had noticed her doing very frequently. He wondered if she was in pain, if that's what was causing her to be so intense, so humorless. It wasn't until her eyes opened and she exhaled that a tiny flicker of Shepard lit up her face.

"Hey," she said to the guard. "Knock this shit off before you become what you're punishing."

_There she is, _Garrus thought. She was in there. Somewhere. It's almost like she was battling for dominance from something darker.

They headed down the corridor and Shepard trudged angrily through the door, as the trap was sprung. 'Out-processing' turned out to be an empty cell they were supposed to surrender themselves into.

"Uhh... that's not good," Garrus said as Shepard rubbed her head again, scowling.

"Like I have a god damn sign on my back," she cursed.

"My apologies, Shepard," the wardens voice said over the speakers. "You're more valuable as a prisoner than a customer."

She laughed, but not happily. It was a dark sound.

"You're going to be _very _sorry you let my sniper in here armed," she said gesturing to Garrus.

Garrus cocked his rifle for effect, nodding at her. He couldn't help but smile.

_Her _sniper.

Just like old times.

* * *

><p>Spirits, he had forgotten what an incredible shot she was, though her fighting style had changed significantly. She didn't even get into cover anymore. Just took slow, angry steps. Downing mercs before they had the chance to really gain any ground. She didn't even keep both hands on her gun anymore. She didn't laugh or rejoice when an enemy went down. There was no joy in it for her, like she was <em>trying <em>to get shot.

"What, you too good for cover now?" Garrus teased as they entered the cryogenic stasis room.

"What does it even matter anymore?" She spat as she flicked a couple knobs on the console.

He didn't really know what she had meant, but decided to let it slide as she was about to cause a station wide jailbreak. "Commander, if you do that it'll unlock every cell on this ship."

"However," the professor countered. "Necessary if we want to get to Jack."

"I'm doing it," she said, already in the process. "Be ready."

They were all surprised to realize that "Jack the crazy biotic warrior" was a tiny, half-naked girl.

"That's ...Jack?" Mordin asked, just as the biotic broke free from the holding cell and began to wreak havoc on the mechs guarding her.

"I guess... let's go... help her?" Garrus offered, confused.

"Why go out the easy way? Might as well tear ass through the gut of the whole god damn place," Shepard growled.

When they followed the trail of destroyed mecs to the large compound floor, they saw a huge trail of cataclysmic destruction, most everything covered with a blue biotic field. Obviously left by their potential companion.

Mordin examined the wreckage curiously, and Garrus was just aghast. Shepard rubbed her eyes with one hand and put the other on her hip, exhaling an angry breath through her nose.

"I uh... I think she's a few rounds short of a full clip, Commander," Garrus offered, trying to brighten the mood.

"Confirmed mentally unstable," Mordin said.

"More like she eats a steaming plate of _crazy_ every morning with nice big side of _more crazy_."

"That's what I was getting at, yeah," Garrus said.

It wasn't long before they made their way to Kuril, decimating his entire network of mercs and machines. He crawled away with a busted kneecap as Shepard slowly advanced on him.

"The slave trading I was going to let go," she said, holstering her pistol. "The blatant disregard for the lives of your prisoners, the terrible treatment, the torture, the extortion racket... 'it was all for the greater good', you said." She shook her head as she took slow, determined steps toward him. "I was ready to let it aaaallllll slide."

"Please," he said, scooting away.

"But your greed got the best of you. Greed and stupidity, the most dangerous combination."

Kneeling down, she pressed a knee in his chest and loomed over him.

"Shepard, you're a hero. You can't do this," he pleaded.

"I'm Commander fucking Shepard," she said, putting an iron hand on his throat. The severity in her face made the turian panic, clutching at her hand on his throat, flailing. "Did you think I would just surrender? Did you think I would just lie down and _take it _from a two-bit slave trader like you?"

He tried to choke out words but it was just gargling. The terror filled his eyes as his death fast approached.

"Commander," Garrus interrupted, getting her attention. He didn't say anything else, just motioned his head in the direction of the exit. The ship was going down in flames, after all. She exhaled through her nose and released the wardens throat.

"I-I'm sorry," He croaked out.

"No you're not," she said standing. "You're like a child, only sorry because your greed backfired on you." She exhaled and turned around, motioning for her team to head out. "You can burn in the hell you created."

"Or maybe," he croaked, reaching for a pistol that was on the edge of the platform. "I'll just take _your _ship and-"

**Blam.**

The round went through the wardens head and it fell to the ground; limp and lifeless. Garrus holstered his pistol, and fell in behind Shepard.

* * *

><p>"I'm offering to be your friend," she said, cocking out her hip, appraising the bald woman. "You <em>don't <em>want to be my enemy."

"Shepard's combat ability impressive," Mordin offered. "Determination equally impressive. Enemies... don't last long."

"Yeaaah, they have a way of dying," Garrus confirmed.

"You show up in a Cerberus frigate to take me away somewhere and just expect me to hop on board? You think I'm stupid?"

"Well let's see, everyone who stays on this ship is going to either explode, or asphyxiate once all the life support shuts down. You are arguing about an open invitation on the one way off it." She put a finger on her chin like she was thinking. "Yeah, that definitely is a word I would use to describe it."

"Fuck you, you're Cerberus," Jack spat. She clenched a fist and it surged with blue biotic light. Garrus reached for his rifle, but Shepard put her hand up.

"Listen," Shepard said, advancing on her. "Obviously you didn't get a lot of cuddling as a kid. You have survived this long by being the biggest dog in the fight and making sure people knew it. I get that. But I don't really care about your baggage, or your history. Right now, all I care about is your future, and if you would like to have one, I highly suggest you stop trying to intimidate me. I am taking you onto that vessel one way or another. Whether or not you're in a body bag when I do it is completely up to you."

_Well, _Garrus thought. _She certainly still has a way with words. _

Jack's expression faltered only briefly before the anger set in and she snarled.

The biotic hurled her glowing fist at the Commander, who deftly leaned to the right and diverted the punch with her forearm. She gripped Jack's extended arm in both her hands, pivoted, and hurled her over her head. She hit the floor with such force she indented the metal, and before she had a moment to react the barrel of Shepard's pistol was pressed firmly against her forehead.

Garrus hardly saw her move it had happened so fast. He laughed and crossed his arms, shifting his weight casually.

Shepard stood there for about a minute, staring down at the biotic, daring her to try and make a move. After she was satisfied that the girl knew her place, she put the safety back on and re-holstered her gun. She made a hand gesture with two fingers signaling her companions to follow before turning and heading back to the Normandy. She didn't say another word.

Garrus offered a hand to the stunned bald woman on the floor and she took it, looking down the corridor at Shepard as she stood.

"Fuck, man," she said, dusting off her pants. "She looks like a _pussy_."

"Well," Garrus said, patting her on the back as he passed her. "Now you know better."

* * *

><p>Recruiting the krogan turned into a cluster-fuck, too. Two missions in a row, supposedly simple pick ups, going to hell in the time span of minutes. Shepard was starting to doubt the Illusive Man's ability to arrange 'a simple pick-up'.<p>

"Lawson," Shepard called out. "No one is taking pictures. Stop posing and _shoot _the god damn thing."

Miranda scowled and angrily shot a blast of biotic energy into the heavy mech, roaring with the effort. The blast hit the mech in the chest and neck, effectively decapitating it... which, they all knew, was a bad thing with heavy mechs.

"It's gonna blow," Garrus said, ducking into cover.

Shepard dive-tackled Miranda, covering the woman's body with her own as the blast went off. A large piece of shrapnel hit Shepard square in the back, but otherwise she was completely unharmed. She offered a hand down to the operative as she stood.

"Thank you," Miranda said, still quite angry.

"Well, well," Shepard said, smiling, swatting the girl on the back. "Look how useful you can be when you stop concentrating on how pretty you are."

_Pretty, _Garrus wondered. Was she beautiful by human standards?She _did_ have the over exaggerated curves that human men seemed so obsessed with. But Garrus couldn't stop thinking that she looked misshapen. Like one of those caricatures the street peddlers would draw at carnivals and shows, exaggerating every flaw. And Miranda seemed to have no shortage of them, at least in his eyes.

Though he was entertained to see just how easily Shepard managed to get under the girls skin.

They rushed back to the lab when the alarms started sounding, only to find that the warlord they had been after was dead. Leaving them a message about his "perfect" cloned Krogan in a giant jar. They figured they might as well not leave it behind, but Shepard was obviously not happy with the outcome as they sat in the cargo hold, her and Garrus just staring at the tank.

"What is this, high school? How did I end up with a science project?" she said finally.

Garrus laughed and crossed his arms.

"Alright, back to the battery with you," she said as she approached it.

"You're not going to-"

"I am," she said, typing something into her omni-tool.

"If you're going to open it, at least let me stay."

"This isn't up for debate, Garrus. If this thing spooks I won't have you getting hurt because of it."

"And if _you _get hurt?"

"You can't hurt something that's already dead," she said without even turning around to look at him. "Battery. Now."

He backed out, slowly. He didn't like it. But fighting her on it was obviously fruitless. Invoking her wrath wasn't going to be a way to help her. He decided to just follow orders. She was armed and it wasn't like a lone krogan, stable or not, would cause her any real threat.

It wasn't the situation that made him so uncomfortable, it was what she had said.

* * *

><p>"How do we help her, Doc?" he asked later that night.<p>

"I don't know, Garrus. She's well past the point of legal insanity. Has been for days. I don't know how she's managing to cope so well."

"Isn't there something you can give her? Something to help her sleep?"

"No, I've tried. It isn't real sleep, the brain doesn't actually rest at all. Sedation is used to help the brain _fall_ asleep, then once the sedation wears off you stay asleep. At least that's how it works in theory. But in Shepard's case as soon as the sedation stops effecting her brain, her nightmares just come back and her brain still doesn't actually rest."

He was about to say something else when Shepard walked through he door.

"Hey Doc, Can I- Oh. Sorry I didn't mean-"

"No it's fine," Garrus said. "We were just catching up anyhow."

"Ah... right," Shepard said. She rocked back on her heels as the silence made them all awkward.

"Well," he said, clearing his throat. "I'll uh... I'll see you later, Doc. I gotta hit the showers before I start offending people."

They all laughed as he exited, putting a friendly hand on Shepard's shoulder as he did.

He rounded the corner, still well within his own ear shot, even after the doors closed, and he listened. He knew he shouldn't have, but Shepard voluntarily entering the Med Bay was unheard of.

* * *

><p>"How are you feeling, Jane," the Doctor asked.<p>

She exhaled and paced nervously. She really didn't want to talk about it, but it was getting to be unbearable. She didn't know who else would be able to help her. Didn't know who else she could talk to about it without being judged like the machine she was.

"It's getting worse," she admitted finally, running her hands over each other.

"You're sleeping even _less?_"

"No, but, the dreams and..." she rubbed her forehead with the pads of her fingers. "The pain."

"You've been having headaches?"

"I haven't _not _had a headache since I woke up," she said, exasperated, letting her arms go limp and hit the sides of her legs.

"Curious," the doctor said, sitting down at her desk and studying the Commander.

"What," she demanded.

"Have you been hallucinating?"

She exhaled through her nose. Her obvious unwillingness to answer conveying her unspoken words.

"So you have."

"No, not exactly. No. Not hallucinating. I just..." She cleared her throat and looked around the Med Bay to make sure it was empty. "Well, I think I'm going crazy, Doc. I've been... Well ... There's this... voice."

"Voices?" Chakwas said, taking off her glasses, suddenly very worried. "You're hearing voices in your head?"

"Not voi-_ces_," she corrected. "One voice. Singular. The same voice every time."

"What does it say?"

"It's... ah..." She exhaled through her nose and put her hands on her hips, looking at her feet. Defeated. "It's Saren."

The Doctor was silent, obviously stunned.

"I mean it's not all the time. Just when I'm especially tired. After I get a few minutes of sleep it all goes away for a while."

"Jane..."

"I know, I know... I can't keep on like this, Doc. It's bad enough everyone's following a ghost. I don't want to be a _crazy _ghost too. I don't want anyone to get hurt or killed because I can't get a grip. The other crew doesn't see it, I know they don't. Not like you do..." She waited a beat and fought the grief creeping up on her. "Not like Garrus does."

"You think he see's it?"

"I know he does. He doesn't say anything but I can tell he knows. I don't know, Saren says that Garrus can hear the machinery in me. He must know what an... abomination I am." She sat in a chair and let her head drop into her hands. "Every time we're in a room together he can't get out of it fast enough."

"Jane, I'm sure that's not the case."

"You saw him just now," she said holding her hand out to the door. "He couldn't have gotten out of here any faster if he had propulsion systems in his boots."

"If you would just talk to him..."

"No," she interrupted, her eyes snapping up. "Out of the question. And don't you go telling him either. He's not to know about any of this. I am perfectly content with him thinking I'm a monster as long as he doesn't think I'm weak." Her posture settled and the tension left her shoulders. "Which is exactly what I am... God, it's unforgivable the weakness in me. I can't fight it and it's infuriating."

_You're probably right. I'm surprised he hasn't left yet. _

Shepard shook her head, and continued.

"Garrus is too good of a man to abandon a threat that needs neutralizing. He won't bail on us, not when it's this important." She exhaled a long breath. "As long as I can keep some semblance of leadership I think I can keep him around...Plus we saved his life on Omega so... I don't know. I don't think he'll leave, at least not until after we've got this done."

_Exactly,_ Saren said. _He doesn't trust you, how could he? You're the enemy now. He just has a loyalty fetish. As soon as he can, he will abandon you._

Shepard shouted in her head for him to shut up, rubbing her eyes with one hand and wincing.

"Jane... You need to let this all go. If you don't get these demons out of you you're never going to be able to sleep."

"What do you suggest? Where do you find an exorcist at this hour? ...In _space_."

"Ms. Chambers has a long history of expertise in psychology... maybe-"

"No," Shepard interrupted with a humorless laugh. "I'm not going to pour out my problems to some kid with a PhD. Her telling me everything is going to be alright isn't going to get Saren out of my head. I just came down here for medicine. Pills or something. Something to help me keep the crazy at bay."

"I don't think I can, in good conscience, prescribe any kind of medication for you in your current condition, Jane."

"Lynn," she said standing. "I can't talk to anyone else about this. I have never asked you for help in the past... I need you to just trust me on this."

Long, _painful_ moments of silence passed as the conflicted doctor chewed on the earpiece on her glasses.

"I suppose," the doctor said heading for the cabinet and removing a bottle. "These are anti-psychotics. Don't take too many, but they might help keep everything under control in desperate moments."

"Thank you," she said, taking them gratefully before turning to leave.

"Jane," she said, stopping the Commander in her tracks. She approached and put her hands on the sides of Shepard's face. "This isn't a permanent solution. You will need to deal with all of this eventually or there are going to be _serious _ramifications."

"I know, Doc," she said with a sigh as she turned away. "I'll deal with it. Thank you."

* * *

><p>He ducked into the bathroom and turned the showers on before Shepard left the med bay. He heard her walk past him and load herself onto the elevator and he waited until he knew the elevator would be at the top floor before punching the metal wall of the shower as hard as he could. He felt his middle finger break, but ignored it. He paced, put his hands up on the wall, leaning into it. Huffing, furious breaths coming out of his chest.<p>

As he started abandoning pieces of his armor off to the side, he fought down the rage as the pieces started falling into place. The way she would hold her head, the random distractions like someone was screaming at her, the break down she had in the Med Bay. Saren was in her head. He had been all this time. She was being tortured.

He hated himself for not figuring it out sooner.

But how could he have? She had always been tougher than anyone else. She had the air of invincibility. She had always come out on top. There wasn't anything that was able to defeat her. Death itself was too afraid of her to keep its grasp on her. And yet all this time she'd been slowly driven mad by nightmares, voices.

But why? Why Saren? Why not the Illusive Man? Or Sovereign? Or any other enemy. Saren was dead. He obviously didn't pose a threat anymore.

And here he was trying to figure out how to help her, when he was apparently making her think that he couldn't stand to be around her.

As the cold water poured down his back, he leaned against the wall, hanging his head. She had always solved her problems on her own. He always sought her out to try and help, but by the time he got there she had usually come to some sort of resolution. All he had to do was make some kind of snide remark and her face would light right back up. He hardly had to try, it had always just happened.

_I've made it so much worse, _he cursed at himself, putting a hand over his face as the water ran down it. _How in the hell am I supposed to help her now?_


	15. Understanding

"Ah, yes. 'Reapers'." the turian councilor said. "The immortal race of sentient star ships allegedly waiting in dark space. We have dismissed that claim."

"Ah, yes, 'The Council'," Shepard returned. "The governing body of the Citadel allegedly maintaining a non-biased opinion on galactic matters of security. We have also dismissed _that_ claim."

Garrus tried to cover up his laugh by coughing into his hand.

"You're out of line, Shepard," the turian came back.

"No one else saw the hologram on Ilos or spoke to Sovereign outside of your crew," Anderson said. "I believe you, but without further proof, they have assumed Saren was behind it all."

"I told you Saren was dirty, you didn't believe me, and he killed hundreds. Maybe thousands. I told you that you needed to send your fleet in to kill him, and you didn't, and thousands of humans died to save your sorry asses so that your bullshit politics could hold this galaxy together. I told you the reapers were coming, which nearly caused the whole damn citadel to fall, forcing me to step up and put my entire crew in danger. Every time I have warned you of something, not only did you not listen to me, but it always came true. And innocents have always paid the price. You think you would notice a pattern, eventually." She sighed frustrated and exasperated. She stepped towards the Council's holograms. "Let me make something perfectly clear. A great danger is coming, Councilors. Your lives rested in my hands once, and they will again. When that time comes, I want you to remember this conversation. Because the outcome will _not _be the same."

"You put us in a difficult position, Shepard. You are openly working with Cerberus, an avowed enemy of the Council. This is treason."

"I committed treason once for the good of the galaxy and saved your scaly hides by doing so. What makes you think I wouldn't do it again if I needed to?"

"A fair point," she said. "Maybe there is a compromise. Not a public acknowledgment, given your ties, but something to show peripheral support," the asari councilor said.

"Shepard, if you keep a low profile and restrict your operations to the Terminus Systems, the Council is willing to offer you reinstatement as a Specter," said the Turian.

"This is a show of good faith, on our part," the Salarian said.

"We cannot become involved in an investigation regarding the missing colonies in the Terminus Systems, terrible though they may be. It is outside our reach. But Specter reinstatement shows our support of you personally."

Garrus could tell she wanted to say something else, but she looked at Anderson and he nodded to her.

"It's an honor, councilors."

Shepard dismissed Garrus and Jacob so she could talk to Anderson alone.

Garrus had been intending to talk to Shepard that night after dinner, but by the way the meeting with the council went, he was pretty sure she wasn't going to be very receptive to his help. He contemplated whether or not he should at least give it a shot as he strolled through the wards with Jacob.

The human had actually started to grow on Garrus. His knowledge about weaponry was impressive and they had a lot of good chats on the subject. He almost always deferred to Garrus' opinion when it came down to something they didn't agree on. Shepard was right, besides the fact that he pretty blatantly wanted her, he wasn't a bad kid. He had even helped Garrus fix his helmet and the holes in his armor from Omega.

"She is _not _going to be happy when she comes out of there," Garrus said, pointing a thumb back at the room.

"Meeting going to put her in a bad mood?"

"Meetings with the council always did. So unless Cerberus removed that part of her brain, yeah."

"You and her were really tight back in the day, huh?" Jacob asked.

"Tight?"

"Close. As friends."

"Ah, yeah. We really were."

"Why the change? Figured you'd be thrilled but you two seem so... Awkward."

"Well, it's an awkward situation. And with all due respect, Jacob, you didn't know her like I did. Everyone on the ship... their views are skewed. None of you have met Shepard. Not the real Shepard. She's so much colder... darker." He exhaled a frustrated breath through his nose. "It's like she's just a shadow of what she used to be."

"She doesn't seem to be either of those things to me," he said. "But you're right, I didn't know her back then. I've only seen vids. Besides the sleep rings around her eyes, I can't really tell the difference. She's kind to everyone, even though it's obvious she doesn't trust us yet, not that I can blame her. And she's obviously one of the best soldiers I've ever met."

"There's a light missing," he said sadly. "From her eyes. They used to light up when she laughed or smiled." he looked out to the sky. _I miss it, _he thought.

"I suppose we have the sleep deprivation to thank for that," he said before nudging Garrus with an elbow. "I could definitely help her sleep if she'd let me."

"If I thought it would help I would throw you at her myself," he said with a laugh.

"Yeah well. I've given up on that. She's got too much shit on her plate as it is and she doesn't seem... very... responsive in that regard."

"She never really was."

"Really? I find that hard to believe, she had more citations for inappropriate fraternization than anyone in her squad before the Skylian Blitz. Her psych profile said that she would use sex like a tool, or a mechanism. Casual like. Probably because of what happened on Earth."

"I'm not going to pretend to know anything about human mental functions," Garrus admitted. "But the entire year I served under her she did zero fraternizing. And she had plenty of opportunity, the humans on the ship were crazy enough about her she could have had any one of them. But she never took the time. Always turned them down gently, told them the mission was too important."

"That's a damn shame... she's a beautiful woman."

"She certainly is."

Jacob thought for a minute, eying the turian up and down. It made Garrus uncomfortable.

"What," Garrus asked.

Jacob opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted.

"Vakarian?" came a familiar voice from the C-sec office as they passed.

"Chellick, it's been a long time," he said, shaking his hand. "I'll meet you back at the Normandy, Jacob."

The human nodded and dismissed himself.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Around," he said. "Off grid."

"Yeah I gathered that. Heard your human specter was alive and on the presidium too. Figured if she was around, you wouldn't be far behind. Though I'll assume you aren't causing more problems for me this time around."

"You know us," Garrus said. "If there's trouble to be found..."

They laughed together.

"I haven't seen you two since she turned a simple mods pick up into a mass overhaul."

"I remember that. At the time, I thought she was just going to pick up the shipment and go. When she told Jax she was bringing him in, well..." he laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well it was the first time I had seen a human wrestle a krogan to the ground."

"I probably would have paid money to see that."

"It really was impressive. So you're in charge now, I see," he said, seeing Chellick's name on Pallin's old office.

"Yeah, Pallin was killed by the geth in Saren's attack."

"That's too bad," Garrus lied.

"Yeah. Well what are you gonna do, right?"

"Right."

"I do have to get to a meeting, unfortunately. But you should keep in touch. Oh yeah, that reminds me. A message came in to your old account a few weeks ago, which I thought was odd. I saved it just in case. I haven't read it, but I figured you'd want to know. Do you have somewhere I can forward it?"

"Yeah, I have a terminal on the Normandy, I'll get you the address."

"You got it."

"Thanks, Chellick. It was good seeing you."

"You too, Vakarian."

* * *

><p>"<em>It's liberating isn't it<em>?" he said.

"Oh good. This is just what I need."

"_So much power. So much raw energy inside you. I knew you would come around eventually_."

She sat on her bed, looking at Saren's face in the fish tank, digging the bottle Chakwas had given her out of her drawer.

"You are a hallucination, and I would appreciate it if you would go play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself."

"_Don't be so naïve, Shepard. You can't get rid of me. I'm you._" That same old superiority dripped from his words.

"Shut your mouth, I'm not like you, Saren," She said, before popping a pill into her mouth and swallowing.

"_Aren't you? The council has turned on you, your comrades no longer trust you, you've been rebuilt, you're taking queues from a predominantly evil organization... the lines between us are blurring ever so nicely_."

"I'm not having this conversation with a fish tank. I'm not like you."

"_Do you really believe that_?"

"You were_ indoctrinated,_ you pointy bastard!" she snapped, pointing at his reflection. "You were a good man forced into doing evil things!"

"_And what of you? Are all of these thoughts truly your own_?"

"Yes! I need to help these people!"

"_Just as I was helping my people_?"

"No..."

"_Think about it, Shepard._."

"_**No**__" _she clasped her hands on the side of her head, the bottle of pills falling and spilling onto the carpet.

"_You resist, but you are unable to tell the difference between us any longer. It is only a matter of time before it is those who are closest to you that will suffer. It is only a matter of time before it is Garrus who pays the price._"

She kept shaking her head, hands over her ears. "That won't happen," she said. "I would never hurt Garrus."

"_Very funny_," he said with a condescending laugh. "_I told myself the same thing about Nihlus. I had convinced myself that I would save him. How long do you think it will be before Cerberus makes you shoot __**Garrus**__ in the back_?"

"Shut up... **Shut up**!" She punched the fish tank as hard as she could, the bones in two of her fingers snapping. The glass fractured, but didn't break.

But at least he was gone.

"Son of a bitch," she said, going to the bathroom to wrap gauze around her bloodied hand. "Talking to a fish tank like a nut case. Get a grip, Jane," she chanted. "You just need to get a grip."

* * *

><p>He knew the message would be from Shepard, the time-line matched up enough, and no one else would send a message to that account since they all knew it couldn't reach him. What he didn't expect, was the content. He read it as soon as it came through his terminal that night.<p>

"Hey Garrus,

I don't know if this can find you, but I guess I have to try. I'm back now, alive, and not dead. I think. Well I'm animated, the alive part is still up for debate I guess.

Cerberus says you're untraceable and that you disappeared a few months after I was declared dead. Yeah, Cerberus, I know. I'll explain it all later when I find you. If I find you. If you even want to be found by me.

Seems pointless to give you all the details now, when I don't even know if you're going to receive this. You probably never will. I suppose this is more like therapy. Chakwas says I need plenty of that.

I don't know what to think anymore. They say I've been dead for two years. They spent billions of credits to bring me back, so I can fight some new impossible threat abducting human colonies. God, two years. No wonder none of my old crew is available. Chakwas and Joker are here, and I saw Tali, but she's got her own squad now. Garrus, she looked at me like she didn't even know who I was. Wouldn't come with me either. She doesn't trust me anymore.

I can't blame her. I don't trust me either.

I can feel the machinery under my skin. Hear it slowly tinkering away my humanity. Doc says that I'm being ridiculous, that there's no way I could see or feel my own cybernetics, but I can. Maybe I'm just going crazy. That's what everyone seems to think. But everything is so wrong. I'm supposed to be dead, right?

But I guess when you're a hero you don't get to die peacefully in the atmosphere, you get brought back from the brink and told to get your lazy ass back to work, surrounded by people you can't trust. I can't sleep at all, not for more than a few minutes. Remember when I would have nightmares of those prothean visions? Well they're like that but worse. Instead of fighting Saren's reanimated corpse, it's **my** cybernetics that light up, and it's **me** you and Tali kill on the Presidium. Sometimes it's the other way around and I'm the one killing you guys. Either way I feel like it's better to just avoid sleep altogether. I can't really handle the images that get left in my head.

Jesus, I'm afraid. It seems so foolish to say it now, after everything we've seen. But I am, Garrus. What if I end up like Saren?

I guess, when you think about it... I already am.

I hope you're okay. God, I wish you were here. If I had _someone _on board who didn't look at me like I'm crazy, or like I'm a science experiment, then maybe I would actually be able to gain some semblance of direction. Of sanity. I keep thinking you're on Palaven with your sister or found a nice girl or something. That you are something other than dead and never coming back. I don't know if I can handle that. So I have to keep hoping.

The Illusive Man, the head Cerberus mouth piece, has me assembling a team to take down the Collectors abducting the humans. There's a dossier for one "Archangel" and it just... it reminds me so much of you. Head of a band of vigilantes making life hard on some thugs on a red-tape-less station. Doesn't that sound like you? I keep trying to fight the urge to pretend it is you, just to keep some kind of hope alive. To keep the darkness at bay. To keep out the madness.

I hate what I see in the mirror. Garrus, I look more and more like Saren every day.

God, look at me whine. At least I'm alive, right? That's more than Saren can say, at least. I think I just need someone to give me one of my own military pep talks. "Man up, get your head in the game, get a grip, blah blah blah."

Wow, this is a lot longer than I meant for it to be.

I know we got really close, and it never really felt like we needed to say anything to each other, or at least I never thought I needed to say it. But now that the possibility of living my life without you in it is very real, I feel like I need to say it to you, even if you'll never actually know it. With the geth, and the reapers, and all the death that surrounded us, our friendship was all I really needed for it to all make sense again. Even when you went back to specter training, it was what kept me going.

You were the last thing I thought about when I died.

-Some Zombie."

He was clutching the console so hard he heard it start to creak under the pressure. The missing pieces all fell on the console in front of him. The things she called herself, the conversation with the doctor, the nightmares, the sleeplessness, the voices...Saren.

_Stupid turian, _he cursed silently. _How have I been such an idiot?_

Spirits, the true gravity of her state finally hit him. He suddenly felt the need to talk to her, to help her somehow. She was surrounded by people she couldn't trust, and she thought that the ones she _did _trust didn't trust _her _anymore. Damn it, that couldn't have been further from the truth. It had nothing to do with that.

All this time he was making it worse. All she had needed was for _them _to be okay again. His own demons on Omega, coupled by his complete inability to trust his own instincts when they kept telling him she was the real thing, had helped him unintentionally drive her to the edge. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, but he wasn't just going to sit around and figure it out anymore. She had been there for him when he had needed her the most and, spirits be damned, he was going to return the favor if he had to wrestle it out of her.

He stood there staring at the access panel on her door for about ten minutes trying to figure out what to do. He clicked his tongue in his mouth as the red beamed at him. Since he'd known her he'd never seen her lock herself in her quarters before. But he went up with a purpose that needed fulfilling, so he just hacked his way passed the lock.

"God damn it, EDI," she cursed hearing her door open. "I told you to lock it."

"Mr. Vakarian has bypassed my security module."

"Of course he has," she grumbled. He just saw her feet hanging off her bed as he approached. Then he saw her arms were over her face, her hand looked like it had been bandaged up for awhile.

"What happened?" he asked.

"The fish tank looked at me funny," she said, humorlessly. "What do you want, Garrus?"

He noticed the radiation cracks in the fish tank where she had obviously punched it, and the bottle of pills spilled out on the floor by her feet.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked, bringing his eyes back to her.

"No."

He exhaled angrily. He didn't want to let on how much he knew, but he wasn't going to back down, either. He tried to fight the anger creeping up in him. He wasn't mad at _her,_ after all.

"Shepard, it's obvious that you have something you need to get off your chest. Talk to me."

"Can it wait for a bit?" she said without looking at him. "I'm in the middle of some _contemplations."_

"Very funny," he sighed. It was a fair point. "Shepard, look-" he started.

"No, Garrus," she snapped, sitting up to look at him. "You don't get to decide the difference between when I _want _to talk to you and when I _need _to. I've been trying to get you to talk to me about Omega for weeks. Trying to get that darkness out of you. You think I can't see it? You think I don't see how it eats at you? You think they brought me back _stupid, _Garrus?"

"Darkness in _me_? How about that darkness in _you?" _he growled.

"I died and was brought back by an evil organization two years older, what's _your_ excuse?" she said as she stood, cocking out her hip.

Another fair point. Damn it.

"It's obvious that whatever happened to you on Omega has left you hurting. But you have made it perfectly clear that you don't trust me enough anymore to talk to me. And I don't blame you." As soon as she said it the tension in her shoulders fell away, though she tried to keep a strong posture. "I don't blame you even a little bit. I wouldn't trust me either." She ran her hand back over her head and held it on the back of her neck. "It feels like just last month to me, but it wasn't. It's been two years. Jesus... two years," she sighed, and put her hand over her eyes to regroup. "So I understand, I do. It was foolish to think that our friendship would have truly endured through two years, you dealing with my death and god knows what else, I mean, it was a fools hope and honestly... I'm-" she exhaled through her nose, putting her fists on her hips and meeting his eyes with hers. "I'm just glad you're here. In whatever capacity I can get. Just knowing that you are safe and alive and... within arms reach... is enough to keep the madness mostly at bay. But I'm not going to burden you with my bullshit problems when you feel like you can't open up to me about yours. I've had enough one-sided relationships in my life. It's not a satisfying situation. Not like our friendship was. I can't have that with you I just...can't. Not you."

The anger hit him square in the chest and his hands turned into fists. Damn him. Shepard had always been so positive, he had never seen her when she was in pain. Not hurting over Williams or angry at the council. Real. Dark. Pain.

As such he never needed to recognize it. He didn't know what it was when he saw it. He was never very good at sentimentality, but it had always come so natural to him when it involved Shepard. He had somehow always said or done the right thing to bring that light back in her eyes. But now. Now he had just made it worse. He tried, and failed, to fight the angry growl coming up in his chest.

After a long exhale, he closed the gap between them and took her firmly by the shoulders, hoping the familiar gesture would ignite something. It had always worked in the past.

_Old tricks are the best tricks, _she had said to him once.

"You're right," he said finally. "I'm sorry, Shepard. It was hard getting over your death. And now you're back and you're in so much pain, I don't know. I haven't really known how to act around you. Haven't wanted to burden you with my problems." He looked down at his feet for a moment, trying to bury the shame, before returning his gaze to hers. "But Shepard, do you honestly think I would be here, watching your six and chasing an impossible threat, if I didn't _trust_ you anymore?"

For the briefest moment, her features softened, her eyebrows upturned, he felt all the tension in her shoulders melt away under his touch. He thought she was going to move into his arms, like she had always done in the past.

EDI made sure that didn't happen.

"The Illusive Man has an urgent mission for you, Commander," she chimed.

Just like that, her brow was furrowed, her scowl firmly back in place. With a silent exchange between them, she excused herself, patting his shoulder as she passed him.

"Shepard," he called as she stepped in the elevator. "Whenever we're done with whatever the hell he has for us, we'll talk. About Omega."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"It's a date, then," she said with a smile that looked like it took effort.

His mandibles clicked angrily after the doors to the elevator closed. What an idiot he had been. How much time had he wasted? He had seen her face start to light up just by telling her he still trusted her. Surely if he had just opened up to her in the beginning she wouldn't be kicking herself like she was. Wouldn't be in so much pain.

He tromped back to the main battery to busy himself but her words kept haunting him.

_"I wouldn't trust me either,_" she had said. "_I look more and more like Saren every day-_ _It's not a satisfying situation, not like our friendship was..." _

_ Was, _he thought, covering his face with a hand. Spirits, he had made a mess of things.


	16. Collapse

Horizon was a nightmare.

She had been telling herself the whole journey that everything was going to work out now. She and Garrus had finally seemed to make some sort of progress, and after they were done here, they were going to talk. Maybe he didn't hate her after all. Maybe everything would go back to normal.

But the horrors on Horizon just added to the pain in her chest. The husks from Eden Prime, the humans frozen in stasis fields, the giant bug-faces of the Collectors. It was getting harder and harder to respond to Garrus' playful jabs as Saren kept commenting on the interesting new finds.

It was odd that Saren was talking to her during a fight. Usually it was the only time she got any silence in her own head. She would be concentrating on killing whatever enemy was in her way and the beautiful quiet in her head would continue only until her surroundings were silent. As soon as she was alone he would start right back up. But now, not even the bustling of the mission was able to sate his vicious temper.

That's when Harbinger introduced itself.

"I am assuming direct control," it said as it possessed one of the Collectors, making it infinitely more powerful.

Garrus and Shepard shared a meaningful glance. They had seen this before.

_A__ Reaper __possessing __the __life __of __an __organic, _Saren teased. _Seems__ vaguely __familiar, __yes?_

_ Shut__ up, _Shepard thought.

_It__ appears __that __you __will __follow __in __my__ foot-steps __exactly, __Shepard._

"Shut up!"

"Commander?" Mordin asked.

_Shit,_ she thought, realizing she had said it out loud. She cleared her throat and made some half-assed excuse as they continued forward. She caught Garrus looking at her. She could have sworn he looked sad.

"Er, EDI," Shepard commanded. "We need those defense towers online!"

By the time the Praetorian showed up, she had already had more than too-much of this place.

"New Collector template," Mordin chimed. "Don't know what it is. Keep your distance."

"Well now that we have a nice firm grasp on the _obvious_," Garrus laughed as he lined up his shot.

_What__ the __hell __is __this __thing,_Shepard thought as the giant, floating, crustacean looking thing, fired blue lasers out of its eyes. On top of that, every time they thought they were making progress it would plummet to the ground and explode with biotic energy, which regenerated its kinetic shields.

"Attack not effective," Mordin would call out, as if she didn't already know that.

"We're not making any progress," she said into her comm. "This is getting ridiculous."

She peeked out from behind her cover to get a good look at it.

* * *

><p>He saw Shepard lean out of cover to examine the new threat, and he could tell she was getting frustrated at the little progress they were making. The shield-regenerating-explosion really was getting on everyone's nerves. He lined up his cross-hairs.<p>

"If we just keep pressure on it, I think we can take it down," he said just as he took a shot.

He looked over at her again and she was crouched with her shotgun in one hand and the other on the ground, like she was getting ready to sprint. In the distance, Mordin took a shot, and the beast hunkered down to regenerate again. By the time Garrus had realized what she had planned to do, she was already running.

She leaped onto the back of the monster and unloaded every piece of ammo in her shot gun right into the top of its head. He could hear her roaring even through the shot-gun blasts. The thing wailed in agony, but didn't drop.

"Commander, look out!" Garrus shouted.

But she didn't budge.

The biotic energy exploded from the beast and he heard her grunt in pain as it sent her flying. Garrus, without even thinking, abandoned his rifle and charged for her. The impact of catching her, and pulling her into cover, knocked him onto the flat of his back behind the large crate.

Garrus was growling. "Impetuous human," he spat. "I won't attend your funeral _twice_."

She laughed once, sitting up.

"It wouldn't be like old times if you didn't get to save me when I try and get myself killed."

He chuckled as they got back to their feet and he reached for his pistol.

"Really? A pistol?"

"Well I _would_ use my rifle but it's where I dropped it so I could catch your fragile ass."

"Well that was stupid," she said smiling.

"I hate you ...just... so much right now."

He smiled. He couldn't help it. Just a brief glimpse of that light in her eyes coming back made him hopeful that he could help her. He started getting anxious to talk to her. If just promising to talk helped her this much, he figured actually doing it might turn her around completely.

The Praetorian didn't even leave a corpse for them to examine afterward. It just burst into ashes. Shepard started charging toward the other side of the battlefield as the collector ship started to take off with the colony. Mordin was, what looked like, playing in the ashes.

"God damn it," Shepard cursed, kicking a crate as she watched the ship fly away with at least half of the colonists in it.

One of the colonists shouted and harangued her, tried to get her to stop them, like there was something she could do at this point. Garrus was seriously contemplating punching the small man when his thought process was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Specter. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost."

It was Kaidan.

"All the good people we lost and you get left behind? Figures," Delan whined. "I'm done with you Alliance types," he said as he stormed off.

Shepard smiled. She was glad Kaidan was safe, if nothing else.

He approached cautiously, almost examining her, before pulling her into his arms.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did."

She returned the gesture before pulling away. She didn't know what to say.

"It's been too long, Kaidan," she said. "How have you been?"

"That's all you have to say? You show up after two years and act like nothing happened? I...I loved you, Shepard!"

She rubbed the back of her neck and winced, obviously regretting her choice of words. Or maybe regretting his. Either way Garrus knew she was never very good at things like this.

"Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive? I see you thought _Garrus_ important enough to be let into the loop."

"Shepard met up with me almost two weeks ago, Kaidan. It's not like we've been together these past years." Garrus' mandibles clicked anxiously. Even he knew this wasn't going to go anywhere good.

"It's not like I was alive and happy and just not telling you. I _was_ dead. For _two__ years_ before Cerberus put me back together. And when I did come back they tell me you've moved on and are doing fine without me. It just seemed like a selfish thing to do, intrude on your life after so long."

"That's right," he said angrily. "I _did _move on. At least...I thought I did. But I've been hearing these reports about you and Cerberus partnering up and... well..."

"Cerberus and I want the same thing, that's as far as our 'partnering' goes. But the alliance declared me dead. Them and the council aren't going to help me find out what's happening to these people, they've already made that perfectly clear. They're not going to help me stop the Reapers. You think I haven't heard what they said about me? My corpse wasn't even cold in the atmosphere before they started dismissing everything I said. Everything you and I tried to stop. Everything our people _died __for. _Cerberus is just giving me the resources I need to do what has to be done."

"Do you really believe that? Or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think? You're working with the enemy now. How can I trust anything you say? You've turned your back on everything we believed in, everything we've fought for! You've betrayed the alliance, you've betrayed _me._"

Garrus was starting to get angry, flexing his talons. How could Kaidan say those kinds of things? Even he, who had known there was something deeply troubled in her, trusted her enough to follow her regardless.

He thought of the night before Ilos, when she had told him that the people who admired her weren't really friends, but fans. That they didn't really know her. He understood what she meant now. Anyone who really knew her then, wouldn't be doubting her motivations now. He noticed her hands starting to shake as she fought her anger.

"_**I **_turned _**my**_ back? Last I checked I was risking my newly revived ass to save our colonies! I'm out here fighting for those who can't fight for themselves, who have been abandoned by the council _and_ the alliance. That's what I've always believed in. You know I would only do this for the right reason, I have _never _lead you astray in the past! The collectors are taking humans and they're answering to the Reapers!"

He exhaled through his nose, scowling at her.

"I want to believe you, Shepard. But I don't. Trust. Cerberus. What if they're behind it? They could be using the Reaper threat to manipulate you. They could be controlling you the same way Sovereign was controlling Saren!"

A long silence.

"Saren...?" she said. Even Garrus hardly heard it. Her shaking hands clenched into angry fists, and Garrus saw her wince, bringing a hand to her head. He was definitely angry now.

"Damn it, Kaidan," Garrus finally snapped. "This isn't about trusting them, it's about trusting Shepard. You're so focused on Cerberus you're blinding yourself to the real threat!"

"Maybe," Kaidan said. "Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus something for saving you. Maybe it's you two who aren't thinking straight." He leaned into Shepard, poking her in the chest to accent his words. "I still know where _my_ loyalties lie," he said.

Garrus stepped between the two and glowered over the tiny man.

"So do I," he rumbled.

"I'm an alliance soldier," he said, staring daggers up at the turian. "That has to come first."

"Then it's obvious you were never really loyal to _her _in the first place." He took a step forward, making Kaidan take a step bacK, widening the distance between him and Shepard.

"I've got to report back to the citadel. We'll see if they believe your story or not."

"That's just like you," Garrus said. "Only believing what they tell you to believe. You never could fight for anything on your own."

Kaidan, furious, eyed him up and down. "I may blindly follow the alliance. But you blindly follow Shepard. What's the difference? You have no right to feel superior over me."

"The difference is that Shepard _earned _our loyalty. The alliance _bought _yours."

"You don't know anything, Vakarian," Kaidan said turning to walk away. He paused and sadly looked back over his shoulder. "Good bye, Shepard," he said. "Be careful."

He walked away and Garrus, seething, turned around. It was all he could do to keep himself from throttling the human with his bare hands. The rage left just as quickly as it had manifested when he looked at Shepard. She was shivering. Her brow was set hard, her teeth were gnashing in her mouth. She looked like she was about to scream. Her eyes were closed and her hands were on either side of her head like she was trying to squeeze Saren's voice out of it.

"Shepard?"

"Interesting reaction," Mordin said, tapping something on his omni-tool. His face and hands covered in black ashy smudges. "Unaware of surroundings. Possibly correlated to sleep deprivation. Sanity waning. Heartbeat increasing to alarming levels. Cardiac arrest imminent without proper treatment."

"Shepard wake up!" Garrus shouted, shaking her, panic quickly rising in him.

"Mental instability reaching peak. Must receive medical treatment before total collapse."

"What? No... fine. I'm fine," she said, clearing her throat with a hand on her forehead. She shook her head out, bringing herself back to reality. Garrus thought her usually green eyes almost looked gray they were so dark now.

"Shepard you're not fine," he said.

"Yes. Yes I am, let's get the hell out of here. I've had enough of this place."

"Medical attention needed," Mordin pushed. "Need to administer anti-psychotics to stabilize mental function, serious side effects involved with going untreated."

"I said I'm fine, Solus. Now get back to the ship."

* * *

><p>"Hey Commander, it's uh... pretty crazy the people you can run into out here, huh? It was probably a set up or something but it was still good to see Kaidan. Staff Commander Alenko, wasn't it?"<p>

"Just another reminder of how I've lost more than time," she said sadly. "I don't need this crap."

"Right, understood, Commander."

She headed straight to her cabin. Garrus would probably do his normal routine of showering and suiting into his casuals before coming up to talk to her like he'd promised, if he was even going to now.

_Why __would__ he? _Saren asked. _He's __just__ like__ the __rest __of __them, __Shepard.__ He__ doesn't __trust __you __anymore._

Either way she needed to clear her head first. At least that's what she told herself. Ignoring the voice in her head.

She sat down at her desk to idly go through the copious messages she hadn't read yet. Maybe if she at least pretended to read them Kelly Chambers wouldn't keep reminding her about them when she walked onto the bridge.

_She's__ really __not __a__ bad __kid, __s_he thought. It bothered her that she was so cold to her crew, regardless that they didn't really seem to notice. She had never had trouble connecting with the strangers on a ship before.

_Well,__ you're __dead, __Shepard.__ That __could __be __impeding __your __personal __skills_.

"Shut up," she said. "I'm not dead. Not anymore."

_Ah,__ but __you __were. __You__ even __had __a __funeral._

That's right. Garrus had said that. Not directly, but had said he wasn't going to go to her funeral again, which meant he went to her first one, right? She quickly closed her messages and did a search on the extranet.

There were at least twenty streams of coverage from that day. She looked through most of them, but they weren't really coverage, just information. It was held on the presidium, Councilor Anderson was in attendance, the rest of the council wasn't.

_Hah, __of __course __they __weren't, _Saren said. Or maybe she thought it. It was getting hard to tell the difference.

Then she saw Westerlund News. Of course they had full coverage of it. It was like they had front row seats to her whole damn life. Death included. She clicked it.

She saw Councilor Anderson's speech. She saw her team standing in front of the stage, each person holding the one next to them. Saw the droves of people who showed up to pay their respects. Though, she hardly noticed them. What her eyes were really on was Garrus, standing there, holding a crying Tali.

After the short ceremony everyone started going up to the stage to rest something on her coffin. The camera wasn't close enough to hear what anyone said, but she could see it all well enough. She laughed when she saw Wrex put the gun on there, and wondered idly how she would go about getting it. It was hers after all, right?

Then Liara went, then Kaidan, then Garrus...

He had an orchid in his hand. He had remembered.

He held it up like he was afraid to set it down. She could tell he was talking but couldn't make out what he was saying. The tears filled her eyes faster than she thought they would. The hand that wasn't holding the flower was in a shivering fist and when he finally laid the single flower on her coffin, his hand stayed there for a long time as he continued talking. He raised his other hand to his face as his head sank into it. His shoulders shook. He was crying.

"Oh God," she whispered to herself, hurriedly pausing the video. The tears rolled down her face idly as she hung her head in her armored hands.

_You__ see, _Saren said. _This __is __why __he __no __longer __trusts __you. __He's __already__ mourned __your __humanity._

"That's not true," she said shaking her head. "He said he still trusts me."

_Look__ at__ him, __Shepard._

She did.

_Would __**you **__trust __someone __who __put __you __through __that __kind __of __pain?_

The image was like something out of her nightmares.

"EDI," Shepard said as she hurried to the elevator, trying to wipe the tears from her face. "I'll be in the cargo bay, murdering something."

"Cerberus protocols are clear, Commander. Murder is strictly forbidden on-"

"Shut up, EDI."

One of the first things she did aboard the SR2 was set up the punching bags and weights in the cargo bay, like they were going to help her cope. She hadn't come down here to utilize them much, but Saren wouldn't shut up and the scene at her funeral left her so desolate she needed to assert some kind of control. Needed to get a grip. Everything was slipping away from her just when she thought everything was going to be alright again. She had forgotten to take off her armor, so she did as she entered, hap-haphazardly discarding pieces here and there as she made her way to the punching bag.

Thirty minutes later she hadn't even started to tire out. You'd think after two years of being dead, her muscles would need to rebuild but no. Sweat was her only reward for the work so far. She supposed she had the cybernetics to thank for that as she continued to hammer away at it.

She thought of the machinery in her, tinkering away, making her more than she had been. Making her stronger, faster. God, it enraged her. She thought of Kaidan. What if he had been right? What if the cybernetics in her were being used to make her think things that weren't real? What if Cerberus was controlling her? What if her thoughts weren't her own? Saren thought he was doing the right thing. He thought he was impervious to the indoctrination and it had gotten him killed. Gotten his people killed. She couldn't risk that. What if she got herself killed again? What if she made Garrus suffer through that again?

_"__He__ wouldn't __care,_" Saren said. "_He's __mourned __you __once __already.__"_

In her weakened state, the fury quickly gave way to the madness. She kept telling herself that 'the mission was too important. The mission was too important. She needed to get a grip.' Like she was trying to make herself believe it. Like it was a mantra. Trying to hold onto her sanity. Trying to bite down the doubts, the anger, the complete desolation. Kaidan didn't trust her anymore, Tali didn't trust her anymore, Garrus didn't trust her anymore. _She_ didn't trust her anymore. She didn't even know who she was anymore. Surely if she was her old self, they wouldn't have hesitated to follow her. Something was wrong with her. She was defective. She was broken. Like the machine she was.

Angry tears streamed down her face and darkened spots on the mat under her. Her furious fists were hitting the bag so hard that the rubber of the bag had started to split.

"_Absolute__ power, __it's __intoxicating, __isn't __it_?" Saren said.

"No. Shut up. Get a grip, Shepard," she said.

"_Keep__ at __it,__Shepard. __No __matter __how__ much __you __fight, __you __will __not __tire._"

"The mission is too important. I will not let everyone down!" She shouted.

"_The __mission__ will__ fail,__ Shepard_."

"No..."

"_You__ will __fail_."

"NO!" She roared and lifted both fists above her head and fired them, like missiles, into the rubber of the bag, and it swung so hard that it flew off its hook, toppling to the floor. Her hands trembled like leaves as she looked at them, turning them over. She thought she could see the tiny bits of machinery moving under her skin. She rushed to the wall hung mirror and looked closely into her own eyes. More machinery, tiny gears behind her eyes, glowing red. She hardly looked like herself.

"Oh god," she said, shivering. She looked down at her quivering hands again. "Am I even human anymore?" She looked back up into the mirror and there he was. Saren. Staring back at her in place of her reflection.

"_No,__ Shepard,_" he said. "_You__ are __something __greater, __now._"

"No...Shut up," she shouted, trembling. She pointed at the mirror. " I will not become like you!"

"_This__ is__ your__ destiny,__ Shepard. __Embrace__ it_."

She howled, a terrible sound, raising her fists over her head again but, this time, she fired them into the glass of the mirror as hard as she could. The glass cracked and splintered under her fists, but she felt no pain, and it enraged her. She did it again. And again. And again. Her fists flying into the glass, blood and shards raining down around her. Her furious tears still streaming down her cheeks as she shouted, firing her bloodied fists into the glass. She couldn't stop. She was the enemy now. She had to be destroyed. She wouldn't let anyone else get hurt. Not again. Not ever again.

"Shepard, stop!" Saren said, but the voice was different somehow. It wasn't just in her head anymore. It was actually in the room, all around her.

"I will _**not. **_Become. Like _**you**_!" she screamed, firing her fists into the glass on every accent.

He reached through the wall, grabbing her wrists. She wailed and pulled, trying to wring her wrists free but the more she struggled, the farther out of the shattered mirror he came. She lifted her knee and heel-kicked him as hard as she could in the chest. He stumbled back, growling at her. She scrambled for her pistol on the floor and trained it on him, it shivered in her hands, blood dripping from her fists onto the floor.

"Shepard, what are you doing?" The turian shouted, putting his hands up defensively.

"I am not you, Saren," she raged. "I will **not** betray my people! I will **not** take innocent lives! I would...I would sooner die." The realization struck her. She understood now. There was only one way. One way to keep from becoming him. One way to protect everyone. One way to save herself. She pressed the barrel of her pistol up against her temple. "I will not become like you..."

"Jane, _**No**_!" he cried, reaching for her.

…._Jane?_


	17. Breakthrough

_**Roarkshop here: Couldn't leave you for a whole week on a cliffhanger! That would be mean. In all reality my family is coming into town sunday so I don't think I'm going to be able to update next week, so instead of making you wait two weeks, like a bitch, I'll just give you next weeks update now! However because of the time constraints I probably won't be able to put a chapter up next week, so I hope you all understand and i'm sorry you will have to wait so long for the next chapter. **_

_**Hopefully this chapter will sate your appetites until I return! I hope you all like it and I'm very excited to hear what you all think of this chapter!**_

_**Thank you, again, for the feeback and praise so far, it really means the world to me, and fuels me to keep these chapters going!**_

_**Also a special thanks to the best damn Beta Reader in the world! She keeps me inspired and keeps me writing. I luff her.**_

_**Enjoy! **_

* * *

><p>"Jane, <em><strong>No<strong>_!"

Garrus never moved so fast in his life. He sprang from the floor and tackled her. The bullet grazed his shoulder as her hand flew to the side. He pinned her wrists above her head and twisted the gun out of her hand, sliding it to the side so it hit the wall beside him. Before he could regain his grip she had wriggled out from underneath him, pushing her feet on his chest and heaving, launching him off her and to the side. He rolled off his back and got to his knees, but she was fast and already on her feet. Her foot came around and smashed into the side of his face. His visor fell, in pieces, to the floor.

He started growling.

She came around for another kick but he grabbed her ankle and pulled her to him. She fell onto the flat of her back and he gripped her hard on the shoulders before standing them both up. He shook her, trying to bring her back to reality.

"Shepard, snap out of it," he tried, but she just roared and wound her fist back. He caught the punch in his hand and moved it to grip her by the wrist, doing the same with his other hand. He held on as tight as he could, but she was strong. The restraint on her wrists enraged her, furious tears streaking down her cheeks. She fought, white-hot rage in her face. She was getting harder to keep restrained, fueled by her anger, her madness. She was lethal, vicious.

She was chaos personified.

She brought her wrist to her face and bit into the hand restraining it, and he roared with the pain. Her teeth sank into the plate-less skin on his wrist, harder than he ever imagined a human being able to, with their white, flat teeth. Blood leaked out of the wound and trickled down his wrist and down her chin.

"Damn it, Shepard," he cursed, trying to figure out how in the hell he was supposed to help her without hurting her further. Her blood wasn't helping. Her wrists were slick with it under his hands. It had been years since he had smelled the scent of her blood, and it awoke something in him. His instincts were fighting to get out of him, and the internal battle was turning out to be just as hard as the physical one he was engulfed in. The combination of the scent, the burning fury in her face, and his instinctual need to help her, was slowly overtaking his self restraint.

He released her wrists only to wrap her in his massive arms, joining his own hands behind her back and effectively pinning her arms to her sides. Her shoulders heaved to escape but he was larger and much more powerful. Still she fought. Still she refused to give in. She punched her toes into the ground and pushed him against the wall behind him, slamming his back into it. He grunted with the impact and had to bite down his instincts to dominate her again. This wasn't a threat. He was supposed to be helping her, damn it.

He lowered his face to hers, as close as he could without breaking her eye contact.

"Shepard," he said, searching her wild eyes, trying to sound as calm as he could. "It's me, it's _Garrus_, Shepard."

Her struggles instantly slowed, and he saw her eyes finally focusing on his face. Her shoulders still pulled against him, idly, like it was a reflex. But he heard her heartbeat responding, saw the recognition dawn in her eyes. He couldn't help but smile as he realized that she was reacting to him. Because it was him.

Garrus released one of his arms so that he could hold the side of her head, and lowered his face to nuzzle the side of hers affectionately, trying to let her know he wasn't trying to hurt her.

"Come back to me, Jane," he pleaded softly.

He felt a shudder sweep through her as her anger eased away, and the furious cries melted into forlorn, mournful, sobs. She crumbled under the force of her sadness, and he caught her as she fell, landing hard on his knees. He winced.

Pulling her into him, he came off his knees to sit against the wall behind him, holding her there against his chest as she cried. He spared a moment to curse himself for helping drive her to this point.

"I wish they'd have left me dead," she sobbed, her hands clinging desperately to his shirt. Spirits, she was in so much pain. She had fallen so far. And he could have stopped it. Stupid, stupid turian.

"Please," he said, running a hand over the back of her head. "Please don't say that." His heart broke for her. He had never seen her cry before, not in person, but he decided then that he hated it and, if he could help it, he would make sure it never happened again.

Her shivering finally slowed as she settled against him, and her shoulders had stopped heaving. She had to be exhausted. The lack of sleep, the terrible mission they were just on, the physical strain she had just put herself through, everything Kaidan had said to her. Even someone like Shepard, the pinnacle of strength, had a breaking point.

He rested the side of his face on the top of her head, stroking her hair with the hand that wasn't used for support. Through her chest against his, he felt her heartbeat slowing and heard her breathing become steady and even as she started drifting. The shaking of her shoulders stopped, and she nuzzled her face against his chest like a child. He wasn't quite sure when she had fallen asleep, but he would stay down there all night if he had to in order to not wake her. He had failed her up until this point, he wasn't going to let her down, not now when she needed him the most.

As long as she would sleep, he was perfectly content to sit there and hold her.

* * *

><p>"EDI," said a confused doctor standing in the empty captain's quarters. "Where is the Commander?"<p>

"Commander Shepard and Garrus Vakarian have been asleep in the cargo hold since 2300 last night."

She was stunned. She didn't really know how to react. On the one hand she was ecstatic to hear "Commander Shepard" and "asleep" in the same sentence. But in the cargo hold? With _Garrus_?

"Are they," Chakwas cleared her throat. "Decent?"

"My moral code is not like that of an organic, Doctor Chakwas, whether or not they are decent is for you to decide."

"No, EDI," she said. "I mean are they _clothed_."

"Yes."

"Very good then."

"Logging you out, Doctor."

She tapped her foot anxiously as she rode the elevator down to the bottom floor. She didn't know what kind of scene to expect when she entered the cargo hold, nor did she anticipate the level of relief the sight would bring her.

Garrus was holding her in his arms, both of them asleep. His head was resting on the top of hers, and her head was resting against his chest. She was cradled in the crook of his arm, supported with his raised knee behind her. Her bloodied hands were across her chest. She noted the shattered mirror on the other side of the room, and blood trail in between. Shepard must have finally snapped. She wasn't exactly surprised, she knew this had been coming. Suddenly, she was very grateful for Garrus' presence.

The doors hadn't been loud by any means, but Garrus was a predator, and so the whoosh they made was plenty loud to make him stir. He blinked sleepily as he focused on her approaching them. He pressed a finger to his lips, gesturing to her for quiet, and Chakwas nodded, tip-toeing over to the pair. Garrus laughed at the spectacle she was, no doubt, making of herself. But she didn't care. She was thrilled to see Shepard so soundly asleep.

Chakwas noted the blue on the Commanders lips and pointed to them, looking to Garrus for an answer. He raised his free arm and turned his wrist, revealing the two puncture marks where her canines had pierced his skin. Shepard had bitten him?

She put two fingers on either side of Shepard's throat to check for an allergic reaction, but there was none. Her throat hadn't closed, her lymph-nodes weren't swollen, nothing. Curious. Even if she had managed not to ingest his blood, just the contact on her tongue should have resulted in some sort of reaction. But now wasn't the time to worry about that, she had to treat the Commanders wounds. She hadn't brought supplies so she pointed at the sleeping woman and then up, trying to tell Garrus to bring her to her chambers. But he shook his head, his mandibles clicking curiously, obviously not understanding. The doctor flailed her arms and over-exaggerated her mouth movements to try and get the message across, but she didn't imagine turians were very good at reading human lips. Garrus bit down a laugh, and pointed to his ear with a free hand.

Chakwas suddenly felt rather foolish knowing that she could have been whispering and he would hear her perfectly well.

"Shouldn't you bring her to her room?" she said.

He looked down at the sleeping Commander, contemplating. His brow plates raised, softening his features. He looked back at the doctor and shook his head in reply, not willing to risk his own rumbling voice waking her without the superior hearing of another turian.

"I don't want her to wake up either," she said. "But I have to treat her hands. And you can't sit down here all day. It's almost 0700, you know." He straightened up a little as he realized how long he had been down there. He exhaled through his nose and nodded. The doctor helped him slowly lift her as he got to his feet. They stopped on the crew deck to get her supplies, then took the elevator up to her quarters. Shepard didn't stir once.

Garrus put her in bed as gently as he could, freezing in his tracks any time Shepard moved in her sleep. It was endearing to watch the care he took not to wake her. He pulled the blanket up to her waist and spared a moment to tuck the hair in her face behind her ear, and running his finger along her jaw, before moving away to let the doctor work.

Chakwas suddenly became very aware of something. Something she was absolutely certain the other two people in the room were completely unaware of. She smiled. They would figure it out eventually.

She very carefully washed Shepard's hands with a warm, damp, cloth. Cleaning away the dried blood and pieces of glass, then wrapping them in medi-gel gauze up to her wrists. When she turned to leave, she saw Garrus looking at something on her private terminal, the desk under his hands shook with the pressure he put on it. As she came to his side, she saw what he had been looking at. The Commander had obviously pulled up footage of her own funeral, the image of Garrus, one hand on her coffin, one hand over his face, was frozen on the screen. He turned around hurriedly and got back into the elevator.

"It wasn't Horizon," he huffed angrily as the elevator doors closed. "It wasn't what Kaidan had said to her. It was me. **_I_** drove her to that. _**I**_ pushed her over the edge." His mandibles fluttered and he put a hand over his eyes to try and fight the obvious fury building in him.

"Garrus," she said. "You can't blame yourself for the way-"

"With all do respect, Doc," he snapped. "Don't tell me what I can, and cannot, blame myself for. You weren't there. You didn't see it. You didn't see her break. You didn't see the madness in her face. You didn't hear the desperation in her voice. You didn't see her throwing her fists into the glass of the mirror, shouting at someone who wasn't there." There was a long, painful pause before he spoke again, softer, more to himself than to the doctor. "You didn't see her press the barrel of a gun against her head in a last ditch effort to not become like Saren..." He bunched his hands into fists as the elevator doors opened. He nodded to her absently as a means of excusing himself as he tromped back to the battery. Any crew in the mess practically dove out of his way. They all knew better than to interfere with him when he was in a state.

Her heart went out to him. He couldn't have possibly understood what was going on in Shepard's head, or to what extent she had been suffering. He had no way of truly knowing. It wasn't his fault. She didn't blame him, and she knew Shepard wouldn't blame him either. She only wished that she knew how to get him to stop blaming _himself._

* * *

><p>"Stupid turian," he said to himself, ticking his talons on his console anxiously. What a fool he had been. What a hopeless idiot. He had driven his only friend into utter madness without even trying. Hell, he had been trying to help her the whole time and had only managed to make it all worse.<p>

There was so much energy in him. Besides the fact that he hadn't gotten a full nights sleep in months, maybe years, he had so many emotions running through him. The blood rushed under his skin, his heart pounded in his chest, images of it all flashing across his mind. There was nothing he could do down here. Nothing that was going to take his mind off of it. Off of her.

The pure-red hate that had lit up her face, the carnal rage as she bit into his wrist, the desperate, determined sadness as she pressed the barrel of the gun against her head.

He slammed his fists into his console, and it screeched in protest.

She had almost done it. If he hadn't reacted he would be attending her funeral, _again,_ instead of tending to a grazed shoulder. Leaning his elbows onto the console, he let his head fall into his hands. He had let her down again. The only person in the world, besides his sister, who meant _anything _to him_, _had almost killed herself to avoid becoming the one thing she was truly afraid of. All because he wasn't able to help her. All because he had been afraid to tell her how much their friendship still meant to him.

Before he knew it an hour had passed him by as he let his thoughts take over. He hurriedly grabbed what he came for and marched back to her quarters. There was no way in hell he was going to leave her side again, not after what he had just seen. As long as that darkness was in her face, he wouldn't take his eyes off her. He wasn't going to take the chance. Not ever again.

When he opened the door to her quarters, she wasn't where he had left her, in her bed. But there was a trail of shredded pieces of bandage leading back to the bathroom.

_Stubborn human,_ he thought, biting down his smile.

Her scent was overpowering, like it usually was after she showered. The smell of steam gently wafted through the air. She came out of the bathroom in her black captain's casuals, drying her hair with a towel, only managing to catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye.

"WAGH-" She jumped, her towel still on her head. "Garrus! Jesus."

He laughed and looked at her sideways, the way he had always used to.

"Just like old times, Shepard."

"You know," she said lowering the towel to her shoulders, the ends of her hair dripping water onto her shirt. "Eventually I'm going to have to start assuming that you're doing it on purpose."

"Let me see your hands."

"Honestly, Garrus," she said. "I don't think you need to-"

"_Hands,_ Shepard." He held his hands out expectantly, and she sighed, putting her hands in his. He looked them over, scrutinizing them. The doctor had done a good job, but they were still slashed all to hell, bruises all along the sides like spots. The cuts were freshly washed and he could smell the slight scent of the fresh blood that was coming to the surface. The scent made his talons itch, so he released her hands. "You really should have left those bandages on," he said. "You had them on for probably about twenty minutes."

"Ugh," she said, drying her hair more. "I couldn't do anything in them. I felt like I was wearing snow-mittens."

He smiled. The dark rings under her eyes had almost faded completely. The brightness had returned to her eyes, and even the scar over her eye had faded.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fantastic," she said, the sarcasm dripping off her words. "Nothing cures psychosis like getting into a fist fight with a mirror."

"Had I known that I would have made you do it sooner."

She laughed, the smile illuminating her eyes. The sight sent a wave of relief through his chest. If all it took to help her was eight hours of sleep and a good cry, he felt like a real idiot having stayed silent as long as he did. Maybe he could have avoided that whole scene altogether if he hadn't been so withdrawn.

She got uncomfortable as he seemed to study her face. "So uh, sorry about your visor," she said with an embarrassed laugh.

He waved a hand dismissively.

"Shepard, it's just a piece of equipment. I don't even care. I'm more worried about you. How are you _really _feeling?"

She tried to think of a clever way to dance around it again, but came up short and scoffed, tossing her towel to the side.

"I feel like an idiot," she said as she turned away, walking towards her bed.

"What? Why?"

"Because, Garrus. I just had a fist fight with a dead turian, almost killing you, and me, in the process. God..." she clenched her teeth and balled her hands into fists. "I hate myself for my weaknesses. It's unforgivable. I hate that I let you see me like that, so weak, so crazy. Ugh," she pushed her hair back over her head and held her hands there.

The anger crept up his chest, but he tried to keep it in check.

"Shepard," he said, as calmly as he could muster. "You came back from the _dead_. I'm surprised you didn't kill everyone on the ship!"

"I almost did a few times," she scoffed, looking back at him. The silence hung in the air, heavy and awkward.

"I'm sorry, Shepard," he said finally, looking at the empty fish tanks. Trying to hide how ashamed he was.

"_You're _sorry? What in the blue hell for?"

"I didn't see it," he snapped. "I didn't see how hard you were kicking yourself until it was too late. I didn't see how much pain you were in. How much you just needed for _us _to be okay again. How much worse I was making it by treating you so coldly. I was trying to figure out how to help you and I just ended up letting you down again."

"Don't be ridiculous," she said, waving a hand and cocking out a hip. She sighed and the sadness quickly filled her face as she looked at the floor. "I can't blame you for treating me cold, Garrus. You dealt with my death, then had to deal with me coming back as some sort of abomination. I wouldn't have trusted me eith-"

"Would you stop with that?" he barked, clenching his fists. "Stop calling yourself those things. Monster, machine, zombie, all of it. None of them are true and I'm sick of it. You're just as human as you've ever been, Shepard."

"Oh yeah?" She crossed her arms defensively. Her brow set as she fought her own battle with her anger. "Garrus the most cybernetics you have are on _one _side of your face! I was rebuilt._ Built_. Like a machine! What the hell do _you_ know?"

"What the hell do _**I**_ know?" He raged as he approached, pointing at her. "Listen to me, you...you..._infuriating _human. I know it's you. My senses can pick up even the tiniest difference in you. I knew you were coming for me before I even laid eyes on you on Omega because I could smell your scent, not a human scent, yours specifically. Your blood smells the same way, not a humans blood, yours, Shepard. You carry yourself the same way, you command respect the same way, your eyes have that same calculating confidence in them, you keep that same maddening smirk on your lips all the damn time, you talk the exact same way, make all the same moves, and do all the same things." He exhaled angrily and put a hand on the back of his neck to distract himself. The combination of the scent of her blood and her indignation was making his anger take hold of him, but he kept fighting. A low growl rumbled through his chest. "Did you think I was so easily swayed? Did you think I could be _fooled_ by a... a... _Saren _clone in a Shepard costume?" He pointed at her again, accusingly. "You think you're not you? You want me to believe it so bad? Then prove it to me, Shepard," he said, digging into the big pocket on the leg of his pants and taking something out. "If you want me to believe you're a different person than you better make damn well sure you don't react to this." He almost slammed the book into her hands and her eyes widened as she realized what it was.

_Pride and Prejudice_, by Jane Austin.

Her heart skipped, and he knew he had made his point.

"You kept it," she whispered.

"Of course, I kept it, Shepard," he snapped. "It was all I had left of you."

She looked up at him, stunned. The glaze of tears filled her eyes.

He couldn't fight his urge to close the distance between them anymore. He reached out and grabbed her, hard, by the shoulders. Much harder than he had meant to. He pulled her to him so their faces were inches apart and leaned, forcing her to bend back. His furious eyes searched hers and he felt her pulse quicken. "And if all of those reasons aren't good enough. If all of that means _nothing_ to you, then forget about it and just make it this: My _instincts_ know it's you. They scream it. I feel it in every part of me when I look at you. When I woke up in that Med Bay, and you were screaming, my body only reacted the way it did because it was _you._ If you were anyone else I wouldn't have even woken up and I _certainly_ wouldn't have gone into an instinct driven rampage. But it _was _you. And you were screaming, and frightened, and I couldn't _stand _it, Shepard." Her eyebrows upturned and he felt a shiver go through her, felt the tension building in her shoulders under his hands. "If anyone else had gone down there to help you last night we'd be cleaning them of the cargo bay window right now. But after all of this, after everything you've been through, it's your faith in _me _that remains unshakable. I _know_ it's you, Shepard. And you can trust me when I say it because I have never, _ever, _lied to you."

He sketched her face with his eyes waiting for her to answer, but she didn't. All he received in reply was stunned silence, and a few tears she couldn't fight streaking down her cheeks. His fury instantly started melting away as he released her shoulder to wipe a tear from her cheek with his thumb.

"Please don't cry," he said. "I can't stand to see you cry anymore."

As was the eternal symbol of their friendship, her forehead fell onto his chest and she moved into his arms. He smiled and held her gladly, nuzzling the top of her head, letting her scent surround him.

"Spirits, I've missed you."

"Christ. I thought for sure that you hated me. I've been so terrified, Garrus. So tired."

"It's alright," he said, stroking her hair. "Everything's gonna be okay now."

"How can you say that?" she said, pulling away only enough to look down at her feet, shaking her head, ashamed. "Everything's so different now. Everything has changed."

"Not everything," he said, lifting her chin in his hand so he could look at her. "Not how I feel about you, Jane. _Never _how I feel about you."


	18. Reclamation

_**Roarkshop here. I come bearing chapters and NEWS!**_

**_I couldn't stand making you guys wait all the way until Monday, so I got this done as soon as possible. Sorry for the weird posting time. _**

_**NEWS: I am now posting all the chapters on my Deviant Art page. You can find me just by searching for Roarkshop or you can go to Roarkshop(dot)Deviantart(dot)com  
><strong>_

_**More Shameless Self Promotion: I have made a Mass Effect music video, movie, thing. This is something I've wanted to start doing for a long time. I just recently got Adobe Premier Pro and have started to learn how to use it. So with Fraps I captured all my recent gameplay and made a tribute video to the sexy men of Mass Effect. This is hopefully the first of many cuz it was a lot of fun and I worked really hard on it. I had never done anything like this or even attempted it so hopefully I can continue. It was a nice break to refresh my writing obsession. I'm open to suggestions for new songs to do, couplings, and, as always, your feedback and comments are always welcome and GREATLY appreciated. **_

_**If you're interested the video can be found just by searching YouTube for: Sexy Mass Effect Men - A tribute  
><strong>_

_**The one done by Roarkshop is, you guessed it, ME!  
><strong>_

_**I hope you all had a wonderful week! And I wish you all the happiest of weekends!**_

* * *

><p>Shepard unloaded every doubt and fear that had been crawling around in her head, came clean about Saren's taunting, which, once said out loud made her feel like an idiot. Garrus quickly dismissed all of it, holding her hands as they sat across from each other, her on the edge of the bed, him on the edge of the couch. The relief hit her so hard she felt like her limbs were weak. Leave it to Garrus' shoulders to lift all the burden off of her own. It was like everything went back to normal in a matter of minutes. She felt like she had never left. Like there wasn't a two year rift between them. She sighed a happy breath as she moved her hands over Garrus' comforting ones. She felt pretty foolish knowing all the madness in her was this easy to get rid of. That all she had needed was him.<p>

But that was always all she needed. She had known that. She just lacked the courage to tell him so.

She had lost herself in her thoughts for too long and hadn't noticed how long the silence had taken over their conversation. When she looked up at him he was looking at their hands, contemplating something.

"There were twelve of us," he said finally, looking up at her. "Including me."

He hung his head as he continued, like he was confessing sins to a priest. The sadness in him was profound and Shepard wish she knew what she could say to make it alright. But she said nothing, just listened as he explained everything to her; how his squad had formed, the betrayal, how he had watched his last two men die, how he had planned on dying there on that bridge.

"Are you sure it was a betrayal?" She asked. "Maybe they took Sidonis out first."

He laughed and looked at her hands in his, running thumb down her palm. "That's just like you, Shepard. Always assuming there's good in people."

"There usually is, somewhere," she said.

"Not this time," he exhaled through his nose and let his eyes fall idly to the side. "I've put out feelers with some old contacts. He booked transport off Omega just before the attack. Cleared out his private accounts and everything. He sold me out and ran."

There was a long silence as she thought about it. She was never one to condone revenge. Not anymore. Not after what she had done to the men that attacked her as a child. The memories of it still haunted her, and she spared a moment to be thankful that it still hadn't come to light. But this wasn't about her. It was about Garrus.

"How do we find him?" she asked.

He looked up at her, almost looking surprised that she wanted to know. He knew her well enough to know she wouldn't be happy about the idea of killing someone in cold blood.

"I uh..." Garrus cleared his throat. "His trail vanishes after he leaves Omega. But hopefully a lead will ping me sooner or later."

"Well you be sure to let me know. We'll find him, Garrus."

He smiled.

"Thanks, Shepard."

"Commander Shepard," the AI chirped.

"What is it now, EDI?"

"I apologize for the interruption but I felt you would think this important."

"You _felt?_" Shepard teased.

"Semantics," EDI said. Shepard was entertained to hear the indignation in the AI's tone. "You have received a distress beacon from the Migrant Fleet regarding Ms. Vas Neema Nar'Raya."

Shepard and Garrus looked at each other, and he smiled.

"Let's go get our quarian back," he said.

* * *

><p><em> Shepard was leaning back on her hands, staring up at the Citadel's night sky. Long, thick, brilliant curls cascaded lazily down her back. Sovereign had been defeated, but there was a sadness in the air. <em>

_ "You're not coming with me," she said. "Are you."_

_ He sighed. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say he'd never leave her side again. Because he knew. Knew that if he didn't follow her she'd be lost. But no matter how he tried that wasn't the answer that came out of him. _

_ "It's okay, Garrus," she said. _

_ "I told you I was going back to spectre training," he said. "I meant it."_

_ "What about you," she asked, lilting her head to the side, her curls bouncing with the movement of her head. "What is Specter Vakarian's future?"_

_ "I'm not sure. I guess that's the benefit to being a specter. I can do whatever I want, right?"_

_ "And what is that?" she asked._

_ "What is what?"_

_ She laid herself down on the concrete of the docking hangar, her hair fanning out under her like flames. "What is it you want, Garrus?"_

_ "Shepard..." he rumbled. He didn't know what to say. His hand moved unconsciously, reaching to her hip, using his grip on it to turn her, pull her to him. _

_ She looked up at him and moved her hands like she was going to touch his face. _

_ Suddenly there was a loud 'crack' like thunder, or a gun shot. She flinched._

_ The ground under them shook and splintered away. _

_ "What's happening?" she said, sitting up on her hands. He sat up and looked away from her trying to figure out what was going on just before the concrete beneath her fell away. She screamed as she fell and Garrus turned around, just barely reacting fast enough to grab her by a wrist as she fell. _

_ "Hang on, Shepard," he said trying to pull her up. She was so heavy, no matter how he pulled she wouldn't rise. He heaved with all his might but she wouldn't budge. Her hand was slipping. _

_ "Garrus," She said, tears filling her eyes. "Just... pull me up," she begged. A bright orange light started trailing her face leaving a singed scar behind it. _

_ "I'm trying!" He shouted, desperately trying to hold onto her. "You have to hang on!" He didn't understand, he could throw Shepard over his shoulder if he wanted to. Why was she so heavy? Why couldn't he lift her?_

_ A sound he hadn't heard in years echoed from the void beneath her. It was laughter, Saren's laughter. _

_ "The girl's mine now, Vakarian," he said as he rose from the darkness of space, gripping Shepard firmly by the ankles and using her to climb. _

_ "No," Garrus said, pulling on the Commander's wrist. "Shepard, don't let go!"_

_ "This is the way the story goes, Vakarian." He said as he reached Shepard's shoulders, nuzzling his face against the side of hers. _

_ "No," he roared. "I won't let you take her!"_

_ "That choice," Saren said, moving his hand onto Shepard's free hand, manipulating it to grip her pistol at her side. "Is no longer yours to make."_

_ Garrus flailed, trying to pull her up to him. His shoulder was burning. His talons pierced the concrete as he tried to stay up._

_ "You have failed her again," Saren taunted, lifting Shepard's hand and forcing her pistol to the side of her head. Tears were running down her face as she looked up at him. Frightened. Pleading him. Asking him why he wasn't stopping this. Why he wasn't helping her. _

_ "Jane," he begged. "Fight it. Please, don't... don't do this."_

_ "Garrus, I..." the tears choked in her throat. "I don't want to become like him."_

_ "You wont," he promised. _

_ "You already are," Saren purred, moving his face to nuzzle her neck. He bared his teeth and slowly traced them along the length of her throat, leaving bright orange cybernetic scars in their wake. She winced._

_ "Stop it! You're hurting her!"_

_ "You hurt her first," he said, licking her blood from his teeth. "I merely picked up where you left off." He sank his teeth deep into the curve of her neck, marking her as his own. Shepard screamed with the pain, her chest heaved, her blood pooled, leaking from the wound down her vest. _

_ "NO" Garrus roared. Suddenly fueled by his rage, he pulled on her wrist with all his might and she slowly started rising to him. The deep crimson dripped from Saren's maw as he looked up at Garrus with a wicked sneer. _

_"You're mine, now, Shepard," he growled. _

_ "No, Jane don't listen to him," he huffed, pulling her._

_ "There is only one escape for you." _

_ "I'm sorry, Garrus," she said, closing her eyes, tears still staining her cheeks. Her hand quivering as she gripped the pistol in her hand._

_ "Jane, no!"_

_ **BLAM**_

* * *

><p>He sat up, sweat pouring down him, a hand on his head, panting there on Shepard's couch. They had both fallen asleep there as they talked the night away on the way to Haestrom. He turned and put his head in his hands for long moments, the images, the sounds of Saren's laughter, they were daunting.<p>

Looking to his right, there she was, curled into a ball in the corner of the couch across from him. The sight made him laugh softly. Even from the distance he was he could hear her soft, steady breathing. Regardless that he was looking at her, and he knew she was alright, he couldn't calm the beating of his heart, couldn't quell the panic.

Lifting her from the couch as gently as he could, he layed her down in her bed, and stood there for long minutes just looking at her. Finally, he put a finger on her chin and slowly turned her face toward him, exposing the other side of her throat. It made him feel silly that he had to check, but the sight of the untouched, pearly skin on her throat helped ease the panic away.

He settled back onto the couch and leaned his head back, taking slow steady breaths, commanding his heart to stop pounding so hard. After Shepard died, he became so hardened and emotionless he had forgotten what it felt like to be afraid. And how to stop it. He laughed to himself as he realized how shaken he was by it.

Shepard tossed in her sleep, and his eyes fell on her again. He smiled. Leave it to her to take everything he had been trying to make himself, and bring it to a screeching halt, just making him _him _again. He settled on the couch again, with his feet up on the edge of her bed so he would be there if she woke up in the middle of the night. He was sure that she wouldn't have another episode like down in the cargo bay now that she had dealt with her sadness, but he wasn't going to take any chances. Not with Shepard. Not anymore.

* * *

><p>Her couch was where he awoke the next morning. She gently shook his shoulder to bring him out of slumber.<p>

"Hmmm?" He blinked himself awake, focusing on her face next to him.

"Good morning, Sunshine," she sang.

Her face was bright and playful. The scar on her face had completely disappeared as far as he could tell. The darkness under her eyes had vanished.

"Good morning," he purred sleepily.

"Get something to eat, we're coming up on Haestrom."

"Did you eat already?" is what he said.

_ How are you feeling, _is what he meant.

"Yeah, I'm going to shower. So I can't have some pervert hanging out on my couch."

_Human. Like my old self. _

"Riiiiight," he said with a stretch as he stood, admiring the brightness in her face. "I've been meaning to give myself nightmares. Naked humans are just what I had in mind."

_I'm always here if you need me._

She laughed and hit him in the chest as he passed her.

The silent conversation didn't need to be said. Just the fact that they settled into their old rythem said it enough, for both of them. They looked at each other for a long moment, her bright confident face, his smooth sideways smirk.

Just like old times.

* * *

><p>"Shepard, our data indicates that Tali is somewhere in these ruins," Edi chimed. "There is considerable geth activity and an environmental hazard. Solar output has overwhelmed Haelstroms protective magnetisphere. Exposure to direct sunlight will damage your shields."<p>

"Roger that, EDI," Shepard said.

"Great. We can fight an army of geth shield-less. This will fucking work out perfectly," Jack cursed.

"Hey. Debby Downer. You want to kill some shit or go wait in the ship?"

"Whatever."

Shepard looked at Garrus and he shrugged.

They made their way from cover to cover but Shepard noticed that something was off with Garrus. His shots certainly weren't _missing_ by any stretch of the imagination, but he didn't take a single geths head off.

"I don't think I've ever seen you have an off day, Garrus," she teased from behind her spot in cover.

"Yeah," he said with a laugh. "I haven't actually been in a fight without my visor in years."

A pang of guild hit her in the chest as she remembered kicking, what she thought was Saren, in the face during her meltdown. Internally she could see that it was Garrus, but she hadn't recognized him, she just responded to the threat. Her face flushed and she suddenly felt rather ridiculous. She got so lost in the memory, she hadn't realized the fight was over until Garrus came out of cover to offer her a hand up.

"What, are you napping?" He taunted.

She shook it off and took his hand.

"Pshh, more like giving you and your naked face a chance to catch up."

"Hey, Lovebirds," Jack interrupted. "There's an active radio over here."

Kal'Reegar helped them figure out what was going on once they tuned into his radio channel. He was part of Tali's squad and he confirmed that she was safe, which was a relief. They quickly formulated a plan before a geth ship dropped a squad right under their noses.

Shepard was actually rather impressed with Jack as she sent geth flying three or four at a time. About a hundred geth and a stone blockade later, they made it to the research center.

"You know when you stop talking, you're actually pretty useful, Jack."

"I should say the same about you, Shepard."

Shepard laughed.

* Tali'Zorah to base camp. Come in base camp.*

"Tali?" Shepard asked, looking around.

"Over here, Shepard," Garrus said, pointing to Tali's image coming through a console.

* Hello? Is anyone there? *

Shepard flicked a switch.

"Tali, it's Shepard."

* Shepard? *

"I'm sorry, but, everyone here is dead. Any survivors must have fallen back."

* Damn it, * she said with a pause. * What are you _doing _here Shepard? We're in the middle of geth space. *

"Migrant fleet told us you might need a hand. I was in the neighborhood."

* Thanks, Shepard. It means a lot to hear your voice. *

They came up with a plan together. Shepard promised to reach her in time and save as many as she could along the way. Garrus smiled. Shepard was obviously happy to see Tali again, and that made him happy in turn.

Once they headed out of the transmission room, Jack messed up some flying drones before they made it across the field. They kept behind big pieces of concrete to protect themselves from the harmful sunlight and still managed to destroy just about every mechanical thing in their path. They made it to their next cover, a closed off room with a control panel.

"Well, no harm seeing what we're up against," Shepard said, as she typed something in to raise the shutters around the room.

Her eyes scanned the field below them and focused on movement at the other end. By the time the familiar flash-light face emerged from the concrete, they had all recognized it.

"Shit, _Colossus," _Jack shouted.

"Get down!" Shepard yelled as the three of them dove into cover just in time to avoid getting blasted by the pulse the colossus shot at them.

Garrus groaned as he stood. "Agh, definitely like old times."

Shepard laughed. "We should totally Plan B this thing."

Kal'Reegar was in pretty bad shape when they found him. Shepard insisted that he stay down, telling him that Tali didn't need to lose any more ally's. He fought her on it initially, but Shepard slammed him into the wall and told him he needed to watch their rear if they were going to take down the colossus. He reluctantly agreed.

Garrus watched Shepard as much as he could. That old finesse, the spunk, the flair. It was back in full force, like she had never left. She laughed, cheered, made witty comments about his shots, and would shout rediculous curses that he was sure she had to have made up. Spirits, it was good to have her back.

He still felt like an ass for not helping her sooner, especially now that he knew how easy it would have been. But the sight of her laughing as she kicked the scraps of the colossus put him at ease.

"That never get's old," she said, hefting her missile launcher over her shoulder.

"You're okay, Shepard," Jack said, laughing.

"You certainly are," Garrus confirmed. Shepard smiled when Jack had said it, but Garrus had meant something completely different by it. And, judging by the way she was smiling at him, she knew it.

"Jane," Tali said, going to her once they made their way into the barricaded room.

"Hey, Tali," Shepard said, wrapping the quarian in her arms.

"That's twice now you've come to save me when I was in trouble."

"Don't feel bad, Tali. I had to pull Garrus' ass out of the fire too," Shepard said, pointing over her shoulder at the turian.

"It's good to see you, Garrus. I should have figured once you found out Shepard was alive you'd be right behind her. Keelah, what happened to your face?"

"My visor broke," he said pointing to the empty spot on his head.

"Not that, you bosh-tet. The giant bandage."

"Oh, right," he laughed, pointing to the other side of his face. "Gun ship missile."

"Ah," she said. She turned around to finish uploading something with a sigh.

"You okay?" Shepard asked.

"This whole mission has been a disaster," she said, putting her helmet in her hands.

"A lot of quarians lost their lives here," Shepard said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Was it worth it?"

"I don't know Shepard, it wasn't my call. The Admiralty board thought the data was important enough to risk all our lives, so I have to believe they know what is best."

"You can debrief me on the details later, think the fleet will let me steal you for another suicidal mission to save the universe?"

"Just let me send the data from a secure channel, then I can leave with you. And if the admirals have a problem with that, they can go to hell. I just watched my whole team die."

Garrus' heart went out to her, he knew just how she felt. He was trying to think of something comforting to say when Kal'Reegar came in.

"Maybe not the _whole _rest of your team, ma'am."

"Reegar, you made it," Tali said, putting her hands on her chest.

"Your old captain's as good as you said. Damn colossus never stood a chance."

Shepard definitely noticed that some kind of moment was going on between the two.

"Do you need a ride back to the fleet, Reegar? We can take you back on the Normandy."

"They didn't damage our ship any, if we get out of here before reinforcements arrive we should be fine."

"I uh," Tali folded her hands over each other nervously. "I won't be going with you. I'm joining Commander Shepard again."

There was a silence. Shepard thought that Kal'Reegar would look hurt under his mask if she could see it, but he just played it off, nursing his wound.

"I'll pass the data on to the admiralty board and tell them what happened. She's all yours now Shepard," he said, turning to her. There was a severity in his tone. "Keep her safe."

"I always do," she said with a nod.

He looked Tali over one more time, before turning to leave.

The day had passed rather quickly, so as they loaded back onto the Normandy, everyone excused themselves to recuperate. Tali went to situate her quarters, Garrus left to shower and eat, Jack went to do whatever it is Jack does, and Shepard returned to her quarters and had another, fantastic, dreamless night of sleep.


	19. Normalcy

_**Roarkshop here: Happy Monday everyone! I hope you have a wonderful week! And I hope, as always, you enjoy the chapter!**_

**_I got a pretty good response to my little fanvid on youtube "Sexy Mass Effect Men – A Tribute" so I think it's a project I'll keep up. If you have any suggestions for couplings, songs, ideas I can do I'm always willing to listen to your feedback and ideas! I would like to keep the reviews/comments section for reviews and comments for the stories for people who haven't read the story to read. So if you DO have any ideas for me feel free to send them as a PM or you can find me on Deviantart at www(dot)roarkshop(dot)deviantart(dot)com_**

_**Thanks again for reading my fan fiction! The support, comments, and reviews I get from you guys are what keep me writing chapters, along with my fabulous Beta Reader. Thank you all again. **_

* * *

><p>Shepard spent a a lot of the next day down in engineering with Tali, catching up, while they made their way to Illium. Garrus knew that's where she was, and that she was fine, but still was fighting the urge to stick to her side. The episode in the Cargo Bay had left him shaken, more so than he was trying to admit to himself. But as he sat in the battery ticking his talons through the Thanix Cannon's calibrations, it was obvious that he wasn't making any progress. It didn't help that he hadn't slept much the previous night. He kept wondering if Shepard was sleeping, kept wondering if she needed him. Instead of torturing himself he ended up telling the AI to alert him if she started showing signs of instability again, which she...it agreed to do.<p>

"EDI," he said. "Where is the Commander?"

"Commander Shepard remains in engineering with Ms. Vas Neema Nar'Raya, Mr. Vakarian."

"Good."

"This is the fourth time you have asked over a period of 3 hours. Would you like me to alert the Commander that you desire her presence?"

"No," he said hurriedly. "No, it's fine."

Leaning on the console, he tried to concentrate on where they were headed; Illium. Garrus really wasn't fond of the place. It's what Omega would look like if it had money and a police force. He started to make his way into the mess to grab himself food, concluding that the only real difference between the two places is that one sparkled, and one didn't.

He rubbed the back of his neck, losing himself in his own thoughts, as he made his way to Mess Sgt Gardener.

Shepard had started warming up to the crew immediately. Everyone saw it. The sleep rings under her eyes were completely gone, that light that lit up her face filled the room, and she took a little more time to talk to every crew member that morning before heading down to engineering. As Garrus went to Mr. Gardener to get his own dinner, he noticed a few members of the crew talking about the change as they ate.

"Maybe it's the new crew member," Hadley offered. "The quarian. I know they were old friends. Maybe having her around again put Shepard in a really good mood."

"She isn't in a really good mood," Joker said with a mouth full of food. "She's just back to normal."

"Back to normal? What has she been this past month?" Miranda asked.

"I dunno, different. Cold. Solemn. I don't really know what was wrong with her, but, what she is now, that caring, friendly, bright Commander, that's her. At least that's how we all remembered her back in the SR1 days." Joker gestured between Garrus and himself as he spoke, and Garrus nodded to confirm what he was saying.

"I like it," Kelly Chambers said happily. "She's so full of life, so happy. I hope she stays this way."

"Most likely related to several hours of continued REM sleep," Mordin prattled. "Had gone weeks without proper cerebral rest. Side effects of sleep deprived insanity unknown. Easily remedied with proper slumber."

"Or," Joker interjected. "Maybe she just got laid."

All eyes fell on Garrus as he sat down.

"What?" he asked, wondering why everyone was looking at him.

"How about it Garrus," Miranda said with a smile, leaning back in her chair.

"Yeah, we all saw you coming from the elevator instead of the Battery yesterday morning," Hadley said.

Garrus could hear that Tali and Shepard had just gotten out of the elevator so he decided to take the opportunity.

"Yeah," he said sarcastically. "That's just what I need. Sex with someone as fragile as wings on a Lily Fly."

"Did you just compare me to some space bug?" She said, coming around the corner. "Like you would have a _chance_ with me with that broke up face."

"Whatever you say, Space Bug."

"If I _were_ to get laid," She continued. "The point would be stress release, not to give myself nausea. So no, the raptor-chicken here would not be involved."

"That's adorable, Space Bug," Garrus teased, turning his head to look at her. "You talk as if I wouldn't break you in half."

She laughed and took the seat across from him. "Hardly. You couldn't even break _Jokers_ bones."

"Hey," Joker protested. "Leave my bones out of this!"

Everyone burst into laughter and the joy spread through the whole mess. Everyone was enjoying themselves, or at least seemed to be. Grunt just ate and ate, more or less ignoring the frenzy around him. But even Mordin was laughing and joining in the conversation.

Shepard shared a silent, meaningful glance with Garrus across the table.

_Just __like __old __times._

Everyone finished their meals and eventually started telling their own war stories. Shepard usually refrained from that. While she enjoyed listening to them, anytime she would tell her own war story it would always end the conversation as it was usually pretty hard to beat. So she just sat back silently and listened to everyone. Garrus was eventually dragged into entertaining them with a little tale about stress release on turian ships.

"We uh," he cleared his throat. "Held a tie-breaker in her quarters. I had reach, but uh, she had flexibility... More than one way to work of stress, I guess."

The men in the room whooped and hollered, Shepard laughed and shook her head. Tali and Shepard seemed to have picked up right where they left off, laughing and chatting like sisters more than friends. Garrus smiled to see how happy Tali's presence made Shepard. He hoped it would let her know that not everyone from her old crew was like Kaidan. That those that knew her would always stick by her.

As the crew settled the scene turned raucous quickly. The men, and even some of the women, all started holding arm wrestling challenges while the rest of the group would bet on the winner. When Hadley challenged Jacob, the girls were all cheering for one side or the other.

"Jacob," Shepard said quietly to Tali.

"I don't know, Shepard," Tali said.

"Definitely Jacob," she said again.

And sure enough, about 35 seconds in, Jacob finally pinned the helmsman's hand to the table.

"It's a good thing we don't actually bet credits," Tali said. "I'd owe you a ship by now."

Shepard laughed.

Jacob stood, arms out, enjoying the accolades. "Who's next," he taunted, no one speaking up.

"Really?" Kenneth chirped as he patted the defeated Hadley on the back after collecting his winnings. "No one thinks they can take him?"

"Silence isn't admitting defeat," Shepard said sipping her tea. "Just because no one wants to, doesn't mean they don't think they can."

"Is that so, Commander," Jacob said crossing his arms confidently. "Is that a challenge?"

"It's not," she said setting down her mug, focusing on the man, casually. "Do you want it to be?"

An awkward hush went through the room.

"Never underestimate Shepard," Tali said.

"I'd have to agree," said one of the crowd. "I'm not sure who I'd bet on for that."

"If you bet on Jacob," Garrus said, leaning back in his chair. "I'll gladly take your money."

They all laughed but he could tell that it was getting under the human's skin. He noticed that human males, more than any other race, often had a complex about being inferior to women.

"I'd take that bet," Jacob said.

"No it's okay," Shepard said, trying to wave it off with a laugh. "I really wasn't trying to get involved."

"No no, Shepard. Time to put your money where your mouth is."

She looked up at him again, her focus intensified at the disrespectful tone he took. A severity came over her features and Garrus knew this was why human males all wanted her so badly. The way the slightest change in her face could take her from tender to terrifying. The way she commanded respect from anyone around her without putting forth any effort. The profound presence in her that demanded reverence. The danger, hidden by the guise of beauty. If humans didn't think that was sexy, he understood why they were so bad at finding mates for themselves.

Garrus cleared his throat when he realized he had been staring at her.

"Fine, Jacob," she said with a care-free smile. "If you really want me to make you cry in front of all these pretty ladies, I will."

"Kick his ass, Shepard!" Jack cheered from the other side of the room.

Bets were flying around the room before Jacob could even take a seat across from her, Shepard stood and turned her chair around so she could straddle it. She rolled out her shoulder and sat back down, putting her elbow on the table.

They joined hands and Jacob eyed her up and down as Kenneth counted. When he hit three, they began.

Both of their faces strained. Their hands hung in the middle pushing on each other, and Shepard was making a show of struggling. She even let Jacob move into her hands territory a little bit.

Garrus laughed, taking a drink and shaking his head.

"Don't laugh," Kenneth said, filled with anticipation, gripping the turian by his shoulder. "This is serious."

"You actually buying this?" Garrus said, motioning to the event in question.

"Buying what, exactly?"

"I guess you just don't know her as well as I do," he said looking at her. Shepard winked at him.

"Holy Haggis," the engineer screeched as he saw Shepard drop the act. "She's fakin' it!"

Everyone roared as her hand slowly, but steadily, pushed Jacob's closer to the table. His feet flailed as he tried to gain leverage before she slammed it down with a laugh.

She didn't raise her arms, didn't make a show of the victory, only picked her mug of tea back up and took a drink.

"Well played, Shepard," Jacob said as he stood, more admiringly than Garrus had expected. He thought for sure Jacob would have gotten frustrated, but it just seemed to make him like her even more.

"Not bad for a space bug," Garrus said, sipping his coffee.

"Why do I get the feeling you're never going to let that go?" she said with a laugh.

"We have a _new_ champion," Kenneth shouted, collecting his money from the Jacob betters. "Who will take her on?"

No one was going to touch that.

"That was fun," Shepard said. "But I'm not going to take on everyone, I don't have that kind of patience."

"What about Garrus?" Hadley said. "He probably thinks he can take you."

"Garrus knows better," Garrus said, sipping his coffee.

"You've tried it before?"

"What happened?" Kenneth asked.

"It was a draw," they said in unison.

"Oh?" Kenneth said wagging his eyebrows. "Did you... hold a tie breaker afterward?"

They all laughed.

* * *

><p>It was good to see Liara.<p>

Garrus and Tali seemed like they were equally pleased to see her, regardless that the conversation had become rather somber after she told them about the Shadow Brokers involvement in finding Shepard's corpse. Still, they promised to stop by again before they left Illium, and Liara promised to let them know if they could help with the Shadow Broker. All in all it had been a rather pleasant conversation.

Shepard left Tali and Garrus to wander while she went to talk to the officer Liara referred her to. She gathered as much information on the Justicar that she could, which turned out to be hardly any. But they had a destination, and a purpose, and that was enough for Shepard.

"Oi," she called, approaching her squad mates. "We can get a taxi and head to-BUH!" Shepard was shocked by the red of Garrus' visor when he turned to look at her. "What the hell is that?"

"I know," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "I figured I might as well upgrade while I was buying a new one, but, it doesn't come in blue."

"And I thought seeing you without your visor on was weird," Tali chirped. "I'm not sure which suits you less. You had used the blue one for years, right?"

"Yeah, something like seven years," he said laughing.

"Are you going to be able to adjust?"

"Please, Tali," he said, waving her off. "Like Shepard says, adapt or die, right?" He looked over at her and almost did a double-take when he saw how she was smiling at him.

"I like it," Shepard said.

"Thanks," he said, rubbing his neck again, wondering why what she said embarrassed him. "But, I'm pretty sure you're biased."

"I'm not even sure this is a good idea," Shepard said as they continued through the eclipse merc territory.

"You said we need as much help as we can get, right?" Tali said.

"Well yeah, but I'll tell you what we _don't _need, a justicar who answers to a clearly defined code that involves murder and power frenzies."

Garrus laughed.

When they saw the volus, swaying side to side in front of the head eclipse merc's office, Shepard tapped him on the shoulder to try and figure out if he needed help.

"_I__ am __a __biotic __god_," he said, lighting up with blue energy. "I think things—and they happen! Fear me, lesser creatures, for I am biotics made flesh!"

"I uh... Okay, then." Shepard replied, scratching the back of her head. "I think you need help."

"**You** need help!" he came back and she heard Garrus stifle his laughter.

He went on to ramble about his greatness, how the asari had injected him with red sand, and how he worked with Pitne. "I will toss Wasea about like a rag doll," he continued.

"Shepard," Garrus rumbled. "I don't think he can even tie his bootlaces."

"Yeah, we really don't need you in the way, little guy," Shepard said, bending down to him. "Maybe you should take a nap."

"Are you mad?" He shouted. "I'm unstoppable! Feasting on her biotic-rich blood will be the last step of my-"

Shepard poked him in the shoulder softly, effectively knocking him over.

"I uh... What was I saying?" He mumbled as he got up and started to meander away, stumbling. "Maybe a nap... destroy the universe later..."

"That. Was. Adorable," Shepard cooed as they made their way towards Wasea's office.

"I don't see what the deal with this red sand is," Tali said.

"Yeah, besides giving me a stomach ache and making my hand tingly, I don't know what the big deal is."

"It supposedly boosts biotic power." Garrus offered. "There's a lot of it on Omega, dealt with it quite a bit in C-sec too. Problem is, it's toxic so the people who expose themselves to it to boost their power, slowly kill themselves."

"Like most illegal substances, then."

"Yeah. None of us are biotic so it's just plain toxic to us.""

"Fantastic," she said as they opened the door to the office. It looked like it was empty, except all the crates and boxes around. A desk sitting inconspicuously in the middle.

"Everything's gone to hell," said an echoing voice. "Since we smuggled that filthy creature off-world."

The warehouse was throwing off Garrus' hearing. The echo and reverberation was making it hard for him to pin point where the voice was coming from. When Shepard looked at him for answers, he shrugged.

"Spread out," Shepard said softly so her voice wouldn't carry. Tali went to the right, Garrus to the left, and Sheprd, armed with her assault rifle, went down the middle.

"First that Justicar shows up," the voice continued. "Now you. At least I can take pleasure in turning your head into a **_pulpy _**_**mass**!"_

By the time Garrus got eyes on Wasea, up in the rafters, it was too late. She had already hurled the crate at Shepard.

"Shepard!" Was all he managed to get out. Just as the Commander turned to look, the crate hit her and she grunted in pain. A red cloud erupted from her and she disappeared in the fog of sand. Tali and Garrus quickly started firing, trying to take down Wasea's shields. Reinforcements started pouring in from the sides and Garrus had to start concentrating on taking them out so they didn't get overwhelmed.

"Shepard, are you alright?" Tali shouted from behind cover.

"Yeah," she grunted. They still couldn't see her within the red starburst of sand, but she was talking, so at least she was okay. "But I don't feel so good," she added.

Garrus took out four more mercs before looking over to where Shepard was. She had started standing, swaying. But something was very wrong.

Blue biotic energy surrounded her as she stood, crawling over her skin like a wave of blue insects. The light she gave off was so bright she almost looked like a star, though she obviously didn't notice it, just put a hand on her head as she stumbled.

"God damn," she said making her way behind cover. "That shit is potent."

"What in the hell?" Garrus said, dumbfounded.

"Shepard I-" Tali didn't even know how to respond.

"What?" Shepard asked, trying to locate her comrades. "What's wrong?"

"I'll tear you apart," Wasea roared, throwing another crate at the Commander.

Shepard leaned out of cover and poured automatic fire across the room taking out two goons as she tried to locate Wasea.

"Where is she?" Shepard shouted.

"Eleven O'clock," Garrus shouted, snapping back to the situation. They had to handle the fight before they could handle the Commanders... situation.

Shepard leaned out of cover but there was another cloud of red sand in between her and the glowing biotic, marring her vision. So she came out of cover, and started to charge the woman. While she had intended to simply run through the cloud of sand and tackle the biotic, that wasn't even remotely what happened. As she started to run, blue electricity flared between her feet, and she was propelled across the room so fast, Garrus, even with his superior sight, only saw a bright blue flash across the room as she was launched into the asari.

She hit Wasea with such force that the biotic was rocketed into the far wall behind her, crashing against it and sliding down to the floor. Shepard didn't notice that, though. She was too busy staring at her hands, still glowing with blue biotic power.

"What in the blazes..." she said softly, before locating Garrus. "Great googly moogly," she shouted at him, pointing at Wasea. "Did you see that?"

"I did," he rumbled, going to her. "Are you okay?"

"That was awesome," she cheered, looking back over at the unconscious asari. "I was like 'Wooooosh! Pow!' Knocked that bitch out _cold_!"

Garrus laughed as Tali caught up.

"What was that, Shepard?" Tali asked.

"I don't know," she replied, looking at her hands again. Once the adrenaline started to wear off she was swaying. "Ugh, now I'm dizzy."

Garrus reached for her and held her arm in his hand to hold her steady.

"We should get you to Chakwas," he said. "That can't have been normal."

She wrung her arm out of Garrus' grip. "I'll be fine," she said. "We need to find that ship name and get it to the Justicar before she kills detective Anaya because her 'code' told her to."

Garrus exhaled through his nose and followed her. He knew protesting would just make her more determined, so he reluctantly agreed and decided to finish the mission. Maybe once she got the Justicar on board he could convince her to go see Chakwas.

He doubted it.

* * *

><p>"Shut the door" she whined from bed. "You're letting the light in."<p>

Garrus did as she asked, stepping into her quarters. There was virtually no light in the room as Shepard had figured out how to turn the light of the fish tanks off. Regardless, Garrus could see her perfectly fine.

"Shepard, I'm taking you to the Med Bay if I have to throw you over my shoulder to do it. Now get up."

"No," she said burying herself under her covers. "I'm fine."

"Yes," he said, throwing the blanket off her. "Come on, Space Bug."

She made some sort of noise in protest, curling herself into a ball, like it was going to stop him.

He smiled.

"Now you really _do_ look like a bug," he said.

"I'm not going," she pouted.

"Do you really want the crew to see you hung over my shoulder as I drag you, kicking and screaming, downstairs?"

"Go to hell, you giant bird-monster."

"Alright, then. I warned you."

Garrus made good on his threat, picking up the compacted Shepard and flinging her over his shoulder.

"Okay, stop," she said as she tried to hold herself up and wriggle free.

"Nope," he said making his way to the door. "Sorry, Bug, you had your chance."

She flinched as the door opened, revealing the florescent light that pained her. Garrus imagined this is what she would be like if she ever drank enough to get hungover, which she never did. She sighed as the elevator doors closed, putting them in much softer light.

"Put me down or I will kill you in your sleep," she slurred.

"Shepard, I can hear your heartbeat, you think you're going to be able to sneak up on me?"

"_I__ am __a __biotic__ god_!" she roared as they exited the elevator, fists in the air above her head.

Garrus had started laughing so hard, the people in the mess had all started staring at him as he brought her into the Med Bay.


	20. Dangerous

_**Roarkshop here: A nice loooong chapter to make up for the nice looooong Authors Note at the end. You don't have to read it if you don't want to, but I would appreciate anyone who did, along with their feedback. I hope you enjoy the chapter! And will shuttup now so you can read. 3**_

* * *

><p>Shepard shared another meal with Tali in the mess after sleeping off the effects of the red sand. Mordin had told her that the cybernetics in her must have reacted to the kinetic energy in the sand, creating the electrical current that propelled her across the room. She had tried to joke with him, telling him that it was magic, but he just called her ridiculous and tried to explain to her the science of it. Regardless it was good to get out of the Med Bay.<p>

Tali had assured Shepard the previous day that the only reason she didn't join her before was because she had a team to look out for, people she couldn't let down. Not to mention that she was thrown by the Cerberus cooperation. She had planned on contacting the Commander as soon as her mission on Haestrom was complete regardless of the outcome, which had put Shepard at ease.

"Commander," Kelly Chambers said nervously, holding a tray full of food. "May we join you?"

"Sure, ladies, be my guest."

Kelly and the engineer girl, Gabby Daniels, placed their trays on the other side of the table from Tali and Shepard and the four chatted away. More like the three of them chatted, Shepard stayed relatively quiet until she laughed or they asked her a question. Being the girls that they were, it wasn't long until they were talking about men. The three of them all agreed that Jacob was... more than a little aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

"Cerberus or not. His muscle structure definitely... well, it caught my attention rather quickly," Tali said sheepishly.

"Why Ms. Zora," Shepard teased. Tali shrugged in a _what-are-you-gonna-do_ kinda way.

"And what about _Garrus_?" Chambers cooed.

"Garrus?" Tali asked.

"Don't you think he's _sexy_?"

"Garrus _Vakarian_?" Tali said, like she needed it clarified.

"Yes! Lord, he can do my _calibrations _any day," Gabby said.

Shepard laughed.

"Do you think turians kiss?" Kelly asked.

"Of course they kiss," Shepard said. "It really is amazing how little you guys know about the other species we share the galaxy with."

"But... how?" Gabby asked, touching her face. "They don't have any lips."

"Yes they do."

"What?" she protested. "No they just have those plates there."

"Trust me. Look it up. Just think of all the sounds Garrus wouldn't be able to make if he didn't have lips. 'vuh' 'puh' 'buh' 'fuh' 'muh'.

"I suppose..." Gabby conceded.

"Their lips just aren't flexible like ours. So when they _do_ kiss each other, it's just a peck, a simple sign of affection. Can you imagine being a turian seeing humans kiss? Lord we must look like we're trying to consume each other."

They all had a good laugh at that.

"Why do you know so much about turians," Gabby asked, wagging her eyebrows.

"Don't get any ideas," she said laughing. "All I did as a kid was read so I learned quite a bit. I learned even more when I joined the military. I'm amazed at how _little _you guys know. I mean the other species have different languages and different customs. What happens when you accidentally offend someone because you don't know what is and isn't rude to someone?"

"That's... a really good point," Kelly said.

"I'm especially surprised at you, Kelly, who claims to love each species equally."

"Well, I do!"

"It's more... physical love," Gabby teased.

"Oh shut up, Gabby. Don't act like _you _don't have a thing for Garrus."

"Do _all _the women have a crush on Garrus?" Tali asked.

"How could you _not?_" Gabby swooned.

A weird silence settled over the room as Kelly and Gabby shared a meaningful glance.

"Commander, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, Kelly."

"You and Garrus are close, right?"

"We are."

"How close?"

"Well, he flung me over his shoulder and carried me to the Med Bay last night. And if anyone else would have tried that, they'd be dead. So I'd say we're _very_ close."

"Yes but... _how _close?"

"Do you have something you want to ask me, Kelly?"

"Have you two... ever..."

"No."

"Really?" the engineer and yeoman said in unison.

"Really."

"I thought for sure you two had gotten together at some point."

"What? Why?"

"It's like he's a completely different person when you're around. I thought you two might be together when he first came aboard."

Shepard laughed. "No, it's not like that with Garrus and I."

"But how could you have resisted? God, I have trouble keeping my hands off him when he's in the room."

"You girls know he's a turian, right?"

"So what? You don't think he's sexy?"

Shepard took a long drink from her mug. "That's not what I meant. Of course Garrus is sexy. But saying he's sexy is like saying he's a good shot, or Tali's good at engineering, or that I'm a bad ass. Not only are they obvious, they're understatements."

The girls all giggled at Shepard's nonchalant confession.

"I _knew _you thought so to," Gabby squealed. "But if you think he's sexy, why haven't you given it a go? I mean surly the species thing can't be too big a deal."

"Well it's not a big deal. At least not to me. Wait, you're getting me off track," she said. She took a deep breath trying to figure out how to explain it. "No doubt everyone on this ship knows a good deal about my past, thanks to a certain Earth reporter. As such, I don't have a lot of people I can truly rely on, like family and friends. Garrus and Tali here are about the only people I put in those categories."

"Well, just because you're close doesn't mean you can't... you know... get a lot closer," Kelly said before giggling.

"Garrus is the closest thing I have to family. What makes you think I'd risk ruining that?

"Ruin it? What makes you think that it would ruin it?"

"I don't know how _your _casual encounters go, but mine have always effectively ended the relationship, whether I wanted it to end or not. And that's just not a chance I'll take with Garrus. Plus he's called me soft and squishy enough times for me to know it's not a compliment."

"So you don't think he likes human girls?" Kelly asked.

"Well, in all honesty, the conversation has never really come up. But we've been out drinking before, and when asari and human women have approached him in the past he's always looked at them like he thought they might be contagious."

"He never looks at _you _that way," Gabby added.

"I don't approach Garrus like that."

"Ugh, that's a shame," Kelly said, sinking back in her chair. "Turian's usually always use sex as a stress release. We're on a high risk mission, I'd be first to volunteer." They giggled. Tali had her hands over her mask, an affectation since they couldn't see her smiling anyway.

"Oh, I know!" Gabby squealed, glad to be back on topic. "I mean how could you not _want _a piece of him? With that way he looks at you sideways, and that damn smirk of his..."

"Ladies," Shepard said trying to stop them.

"Oh god, right? I wonder what he looks like under that armor. I'd love to get my hands on those shoulders of his." Kelly went on.

"Kelly_,_" Shepard tried to interrupt.

"Every time he looks at you it just... I don't know," Kelly continued.

"Sends shivers down your spine, right?" Gabby said.

"Yes! I have to admit I've lost myself in the odd daydream starring our favorite sniper."

The girls giggled again and Shepard was trying to stop laughing.

"I looked up some... material," Kelly said.

"You mean smut," Gabby corrected.

"It was for research!"

"Sure it was."

"_Anyway," _she continued. "Besides being kind of violent, it's totally possible if you can handle it."

"Oh I'm sure I can," Gabby said.

"Okay," Shepard interrupted between huffing breaths. "Really you need to stop now. He's a _turian, _ladies._"_

"Really, Commander. The species thing doesn't put us off at all."

"I can see that," she said wiping a tear from her eye. "But that's not why I mentioned it. I didn't mean it as a reason you shouldn't be attracted to him."

"Well then why did you bring it up at all?"

"Think about it. He's a _turian. _Who resides in the _battery._"

The two girls cocked their heads to the side, obviously confused.

Shepard crossed her legs and leaned back in her chair.

"Garrus," she said, not raising her voice at all. "What do you think of all this?"

The battery doors whooshed open and out he strode. He turned to look at them sideways like he always did, wiping his massive hands on a rag. His mandibles clicked in that snide grin of his and he winked at them. "I think," he rumbled, rolling out a shoulder. "That I might need to take my shirt off, it's so hot in here."

Shepard almost choked on her tea she started laughing so hard.

The two girls turned so red she thought they looked like they were about to explode, hands covering their faces.

"Why Ms. Chambers," Garrus said, sauntering over, using his most sultry voice. "I never knew you had a weakness for men with scars."

"I uh.. I..."

"Maybe it's not scars," Shepard offered. "Maybe it's men with _big guns _she likes."

"Hmmm," he purred, putting a finger under the girl's chin and lifting her face slowly until her eyes met his. "Ms. Chambers do _you _know what they say about men with big guns?"

"N-No?" She said, quivering.

"They have equally big _bullets._" Shepard interrupted.

"See now, why do you have to ruin all my fun?" Garrus said, releasing Kelly's face.

"I need them functional, Garrus."

He sighed and ran the smooth side of his talons down the girls cheek.

"Another time, then," he said with a purr, before making his way around the table to Shepard.

"Oh god, Shepard," the girls said, turning around, furious. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I tried," she said with a smile over her mug.

"Why would you say all those things if you knew he was listening? I never thought-"

"Garrus and I have no secrets," she said, raising her glass to him. He nodded at her.

"So," Garrus said, leaning on the back of Shepard's chair. "About this...research you've been doing..."

Shepard had never seen those two leave a room so fast.

It was about twenty minutes later by the time the three of them had stopped laughing.

"Oh, Keelah," Tali said sighing. "That was mean, Shepard."

"It's not like I was egging them on," she defended. "It's not _my _fault they wouldn't shut up. I tried to stop them. I did, you saw me."

"Not going to pretend I didn't enjoy that," Garrus said.

"Yeah, great. The last thing _you _need is an ego boost," Shepard teased.

"Yes, Garrus. You're not going to be able to fit that head of yours in the Main Battery soon."

"Whoa, ouch," Garrus said, putting his hand on his chest, feigning offense. "Double teamed by my only friends. What a way to go."

"Actually, I know a lot of guys who would _love _to go like that," she said with a sly smirk as she took another swig out of her mug.

"You see? This is why I don't talk. You humans always take it somewhere dirty."

"Dirty is the best kind of place _to _take it, Garrus," she said.

Garrus just covered his face with his hand, laughing.

"God, I almost spit my tea all over Tali when you came out of that Battery."

* * *

><p>The next night, when the assassin was making his move for Nassana Dantius, they headed to her towers. Little did they know it was going to turn into an all out assault.<p>

"Look Pal," the eclipse merc protested, "Even if I knew where he was I wouldn't tell you."

"Not the answer I was looking for," she said.

"I've got nothing more to say to you," he said indignantly, crossing his arms.

"Garrus," she said motioning her head at the merc.

He took his queue beautifully, growling and grabbing the mans throat in an iron hand. He slammed him against the glass of the window and radiation cracks spread throughout it.

"What sound do you think you'll make when you hit the ground?" She said sauntering towards him with a smirk. "Think you'll hear it before you die?"

"I...uh..."

"Just give me what you know."

Oh and he did. Everything he knew. Spewed it from his mouth as fast as he could. When he started rambling unimportant shit, she told Garrus to release him, and he high-tailed it out of there.

"I wish I had a pet turian," Jack scoffed.

"You'd have to actually show sanity once in a while," Garrus protested.

"Fuck you."

"Yeah, no thanks," he said as he started to walk away. "Turians may be violent by nature, but I know crazy when I see it."

"Children, please," Shepard said, picking up a data disc that the merc dropped on his way out.

Garrus laughed. "That merc owes you one, Shepard. Anyone else would have killed him."

"I'm_ still_ thinking about killing him," Jack said.

"What can I say?" Shepard laughed as she turned around. "He was wearing my favorite color."

"No, red is your favorite color," Garrus corrected.

"Well shit, then I guess I should have killed him."

Jack laughed. "You're alright, Shepard."

* * *

><p>She was surprised to find Nassana Dantius alive, considering how far ahead of them the assassin had been.<p>

"What? Shepard? You're dead."

"I got better."

Her squad laughed.

"Before you do this, tell me who hired you."

"Maybe I just missed you," Shepard taunted, sinking back into a hip and crossing her arms, like she did.

"Screw you."

"Charming."

"Is it credits, is that what you want? Just tell me your price and we can make this all go away."

"Shepard," Garrus said. He motioned his head and Shepard knew the assassin was above them. Garrus never ceased to prove how useful his heightened senses were.

"It looks like nothing can make this go away now, Nassana."

And just like that, a flash of green. _Crack, thud, bang, bang. _They were all dead.

"Impressive," Garrus rumbled. "You certainly know how to make an entrance."

"Forgive me," the drell said, hardly acknowledging them. "Prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken."

"If you think she deserves it, I suppose," Shepard said.

"Not for her... for me."

"Oh, well in that case you can do it later, right?"

Jack laughed, Garrus at least fought his down. The assassin was obviously not amused.

Once he looked up at them, it seemed like the first time the drell got a good look at who was following him. He tilted his head to the side as he studied the Commander. Garrus really didn't like the way he was looking at her. It was cold. Calculating. The slightest hint of a smile creeping up on him. He either wanted her, or thought he was better than her. Both were equally irritating.

Garrus kept his cross-hairs on him.

"The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern from actions alone," he said, holstering his gun and idly dragging his hand along the desk. "Take you, for instance. All this destruction... chaos."

"It's kind of my thing."

"So I see. I was curious to see how far you'd go to find me," he continued around the desk until he was standing defiantly in front of the Commander. "Well... here I am."

"Yes. You. Are," Jack said seductively. Shepard waved a hand, motioning for her silence. To Garrus' surprise, the biotic obeyed.

"So you knew we were coming?" Shepard asked.

"I didn't, not until you marched in the front door, guns blazing, anyway," he said as he approached the barrel of Garrus' rifle. He looked at it like he was inspecting a light socket. Unworried. "I work quietly. If I have to fight through guards, I've made a mistake." He turned his head to look at her sideways, the slightest smirk on his lips. "I don't make mistakes."

Garrus had started growling softly, deep in his chest. He only had to make eye contact with Shepard to know she wanted him to stand down, so he reluctantly exhaled and put his rifle on his back, but he didn't like it.

"I see your people respect you," the drell said, eying Garrus up and down.

"They know it's unhealthy not to," she replied. "You'd be wise to do the same."

"Well then," he said, turning to her. "What is it you'd like to discuss?"

Shepard explained about the Collectors as he circled her again, hands behind his back. He turned his head this way and that as he spoke, observing every part of her. She didn't move, but let him move around her, only turning her head to follow him with her eyes. She flicked her head to move the wisps of hair from her brow, carelessly. Making sure he knew she wasn't threatened by him. She commanded his attention. A predator circling a predator.

Garrus really wanted to punch him.

"Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega Four relay," the assassin said looking over his shoulder at her. "No ship has ever returned from doing so."

"They told me it was impossible to get to Ilos, too."

"A fair point," he said with a smile. "You've built a career out of preforming the impossible." There was a long pause as he turned to look out the window. "This was to be my last job," he said. "I'm dying. As such, low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonists does."

"I hadn't heard that," she said, moving beside him. "Is there anything I can do?"

Garrus scoffed, as did Jack.

"Giving me this opportunity is enough. The universe is a dark place. I'm trying to make it brighter before I die." He turned to her, head down slightly. "Many innocents died today. I wasn't fast enough and they suffered. I must atone for that. I will work for you, Shepard," he said, holding his hand out to her. "No charge."

Garrus' eyes narrowed. He felt like the handshake lingered a little too long. The drell turned to leave and Shepard smiled at Jack, raising her eyebrows. Jack smiled and licked her top lip for effect, holding out a fist, that Shepard gladly bumped with her own. Garrus didn't really know what was going on, but he didn't like it.

* * *

><p>There was a frenzy in Mess Hall the following evening. It seemed like every woman on the ship was there gossiping about the new assassin on board. Even the Justicar, Samara, watched the rest of them, though she remained mostly silent. As Shepard headed for the counter to make her usual tea she got bombarded with questions about him. Shepard laughed, but wasn't about to play matchmaker.<p>

"Ladies, ladies please," she said, turning around to face them. "I've only talked to him a couple of times, and he doesn't strike me as the playboy type so I suggest you put it out of your minds."

Jack sauntered up to her, grabbing her own mug on her way out of the mess. "You say that, but you just want him all to yourself."

"It's good to be the king," Shepard said with a smile.

Jack laughed and gave Shepard another fist bump in appreciation. It was hard not to think the new assassin was sexy, though Shepard certainly wasn't interested. But, playing along with the girls was good for morale, not to mention a good distraction from who she actually wanted.

"Now, seriously," she said. "Everyone back to your positions. This isn't a singles cruise." The crew all scattered from the mess hall slowly, and Shepard watched them leave, saying goodnight to anyone who said it to her, until she was sure she was by herself. She turned around to face the counter with her empty mug in her hand. "Honestly," she sighed, rubbing her eyes with her free hand.

"I am sorry," Thane said from behind her.

"Agh!" She jumped, tossing her mug in the air. The hand that had been on her eyes grabbed the drell's throat so fast he hardly had time to react. Thane put one hand up non-threateningly, and caught the stray mug in the other without even looking at it. "Jesus, Krios," she said, releasing his throat from her grip, exhaling. "I get that your whole M.O. is the sneaky ninja thing, but next time you sneak up on me like that, by your logic, I'm not responsible if I shoot you."

The drell laughed, once, handing her back the cup with a half bow. "I apologize for that as well, then," he said. "Though I admit that your reflexes are rather... impressive."

"Thanks," she said taking the mug from him with a laugh, turning back to the counter to return to making her tea. "Besides scaring the holy hell out of me, what are you apologizing for?"

"The commotion my presence seems to have caused aboard your vessel these two days," he said, watching her as she moved, hands behind his back.

"Ah, yes well, they're a bunch of children, so I'm not really surprised," she dunked the tea in and out of the hot water in her mug and turned to face him, leaning against the counter. "Just a few nights ago the romance gossip was all about Garrus."

"The turian?"

"Yeah. Humans are fickle, what are you gonna do," she laughed. "You always create a fan club on a new ship?"

"I usually travel alone. My work it..." he paused looking for words. "It demands a specific freedom that is unattainable with comrades."

"I'll bet."

"But if your inquiry is about the crews reactions, I'm afraid that is quite common. Human females, especially, seem to favor me. Why is beyond my comprehension, however."

She laughed. "Oh is it?"

"Is that... unusual?"

"Well you fit a very..." her head moved from side to side as she weighed her words. "_Specific _archetype common among human heartthrobs."

"Ah... And what archetype would that be?"

"That would be the strong silent type, Krios. The most _popular _heartthrob."

"I see. I imagine human women are attracted to strength for the same reason most other species of women are. But, why silence?"

"I'm not sure, I think it's because the _average_ human woman doesn't like to hear anyone else talk but herself," she said. Thane seemed to smile genuinely at her joke, his shoulders shook with a small laugh.

"However," he said, tilting his head to observe her. "That doesn't seem to apply to you, Shepard."

"Shepard's anything but average," Garrus rumbled, coming from the battery, busying himself. Shepard scooted over to make room for him as he got his own drink.

"I'm beginning to understand that," Thane said as he studied the turian.

The two men seemed to have a silent conversation as Thane realized Garrus could hear them from inside the battery. Garrus' predatory, blue eyes hung on the drell's lethal, dark ones. The moment seemed an eternity it was so tense.

"That would make two of us, then," Shepard said to the drell, obviously unaware of the situation between the men. "You almost seem more like a monk than an assassin. Not what I was expecting by any means."

"You've spent too much time fighting thugs who think custom painted armor makes them professionals. It is my experience that those who are_ truly_ dangerous, never act like they are," he said, his eyes sketching her form. "Take you for an example. You dedicate so much time to rounding the ship, checking on each crew member. I have merely been here two days and you already know more about me than anyone else. Showing kindness to everyone who comes in contact with you. You are only slightly taller than the average human female, decisively smaller than most other species, your skin offers no protection against the elements or combat. You obviously put your people before yourself and the mission. If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed you a weakling upon first glance."

"But you _do_ know better," she said, looking at him over the rim of her mug.

"I certainly do," he replied, his eyes lingering on her.

Garrus noted the tension between them. He was trying to figure out why it was making him so angry, when the drell bowed, excusing himself.

"I have already taken up too much of your time," he said. "I look forward to our next chat, Shepard."

She watched him walk away, her eyes hung on him until he was no longer visible.

"I see you've also boarded the Thane train," Garrus said snidely, fixing himself some coffee.

Shepard spit her tea back into her mug laughing.

"The what?"

"You heard me," he said with a grin.

"Don't be ridiculous, Garrus," she said, waving him off before turning to face him and leaning on the counter. "While I'm sure there are many aboard said train, I assure you I am not one of them."

"Forgive me if I don't believe you," he said.

She paused to look up at him, obviously confused before a smile crept across her face.

"Why Mr. Vakarian," she said putting a hand on her hip. "I do believe you're jealous of our new resident sniper."

"What? No," he laughed and sank back against the counter. "I'm just already tired of hearing about it. I'm starting to think the battery was a poor place to situate myself." He took a swig of his coffee. "Plus, I don't trust him. He's trouble."

"Hmmmm," she said tapping her chin. "Where have I heard that before? Oh yes, that's what Executor Pallin told me about _you _when I told him I was taking you."

"He did?"

"He did."

"What did you say?"

She smiled over the rim of her mug.

"I like trouble."

He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well then you've gone and made my point for me," he said, motioning his head towards the Life Support Deck. "I've never seen your eyes linger on someone like that."

"It's not 'let-me-take-your-clothes-off' linger, Garrus."

"It's not?"

"No, I don't do that. Well I don't get caught doing it, anyway," she said with an exhale, turning to lean on her elbows. "He's dangerous. And on top of that, he's already proved several times that if he wanted to kill me, I wouldn't even see him coming."

"He has? Do you want me to kill him?"

She laughed.

"Not yet. And even if I did who knows if you could? He wouldn't fight fair. I don't even know he's there until he's already up on me."

"No one can sneak up on me, Shepard,"

"That's certainly true," she said with a smile. "But, also irrelevant. So now you know why I keep my eyes on him. He makes me feel like I need to stay on my toes. Like I need to act dangerous."

"You _are_ dangerous."

"Be that as it may, he makes me feel like I need to prove it so he doesn't slit my throat in the middle of night. I need to figure out, fast, if we can trust him. So I can either rest easy when he's around, or toss him out the airlock."

"What's your gut tell you?"

"My gut says that he's a good man," she said. "But I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been fooled before."

Garrus relaxed a little. The realization that she didn't trust the drell either was comforting.

"Regardless," she said picking her tea back up. "I'm going to have to see what he can do in actual combat. I don't know how much call for sneaking around we're going to have."

"I'm sure we'll bring him along for something," Garrus said, leaning his side on the counter with his coffee. "Though me being present might render him useless."

"I'm sure it will," she said. She looked at him sideways, and tilted her head, like she was weighing a thought.

"...What?"

She reached up and put her palm on the side of his throat.

"Don't worry, big guy. If we're talking sex-appeal, he's got_ nothing _on you."

His mandibles fluttered in a confident smile.

"Damn right," he said, raising his mug to take a drink.

She laughed, and patted the side of his neck, before turning and heading to her quarters.

He watched her round the corner to the elevator and exhaled through his nose. The spot on his neck where her hand had been was cold, and for whatever reason, he didn't like it.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Roarkshop here: So here's a big long authors note! I've been doing some thinking this past week. Many of you have found me on Deviant Art, but still I get a lot of people asking me questions about this or that and I can't always respond. Especially once February gets here (thus beginning the busiest season of the year for a Las Vegas bartender) I'm going to be less and less able to answer everyone's comments and reviews personally. Which I hate. Also: A few of you have shown interest in my original story ideas (not fan fiction related) that I, obviously, would not be able to post on here. So I was thinking of starting a blog. <strong>_

_**I would put Sense And Flexibility up on the blog, but I would also keep updating it here and on Deviant art. When the this story reaches completion, and I begin working on something new, I could post it there (and here if I do another fan story) and on Fictionpress(dot)com. But I would also do little video blogs maybe once a week and post anything else original there. Plus I would stop doing these ANNOYING Authors notes and just put them on the blog for those of you that care, so that those of you who DON'T care, can remain none the wiser. Maybe I could read your questions and answer them on the blog so everyone can see the answer in case anyone else has the same questions? Make it fun? Put up polls for what story you want me to write next, maybe? Share other stories I like? I don't know it's still a thought in process.**_

_** So here is my question to you guys, my lovely readers. How many of you are actually interested in seeing my stupid face? If I do make the blog is that something you guys would be interested in? I don't want to do it if you all think it's stupid because I would be doing it for you guys. I don't like to look at my own stupid face or hear my own stupid voice. So to avoid it being something I do to make myself feel suddenly popular, I honestly would like to know if you guys have any interest in these things. **_

_** Also: I have been getting requests for more ways to contact me than just here on FF because people don't have accounts or whatever the case may be. So I'm letting everyone know I'm also on Twitter and Facebook, two other places you can contact me simply by searching for, you guessed it, Roarkshop. I'm only tinkering around with a blog for right now, but if you guys would actually be interested in that, I will buy a domain name and make it as super awesome as I'm possibly able with my limited artistic skill and witty commentary. **_

_**I would love to be around YOU folks more, and I want to eliminate as much distance between us as possible. Because while I love doing all of this, it's about you and it's about me. And I don't want there to be any steps in between. That's what makes the internet so super great. That and cat videos.**_

_** Well if you've read this far, I thank you. It's a lot of metaphorical hot air up in this sheezy. I really do want to hear everyone's opinion, not just supportive ones if you don't agree. If you do want to give me your two cents on it, please do so either on Twitter, Facebook, DeviantArt or in a Private Message on FF. I would like to keep the reviews/comments section limited to actual reviews/comments about the story to avoid confusion for new readers if possible. **_

_** Anyway, I think that's all I wanted to say. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday of their choosing, and that their New Year is safe, fun, and as always, filled with love. Thank you to all of you who have stuck with me through my relentless shenanigans. I apologize that they will never cease, as I love shenanigans. **_

_**Please please PLEASE be safe this New Years Eve. Have fun and I will catch you next year! ^_^  
><strong>_

_** Also: Shenanigans.**_

_** Love, **_

_** Roarkshop. **_


	21. Trapped

_**Roarkshop here: So this, hopefully, marks the last of my long ass authors notes, as I should hopefully be launching my blog soon. **_

_**Happy New Year People! I hope your 2012 is full of love and laughter! I wish all the best for all of you! As a New Years present, along with the new chapter, I am also updating the first 10 chapters to the re-edited, new and improved versions. I have fixed a lot of the awkward parts, spelling, grammar, and just generally cleaned them up a lot. Also there are a couple NEW SCENES! A few people requested that I delve a little deeper into certain parts and so I've gone back and added some stuff I thought would make the chapters a little richer, but not effect the overall story at all. So feel free to go back and reread them if you're interested, but if not, know that the story isn't effected by any "new" information like that. **_

_**The blog is coming along nicely! I've almost got it done and am excited to get it launched. I should be doing it in the next couple of weeks, ideally that is if my current situation doesn't impede me too much. **_

_**Now for the bad news: The people we are renting our house from have sold the house, so now we have until the end of January to move. Inconvenient. So while I will make sure that it doesn't effect posting day on Monday, it might effect how quickly I get the blog done or something like that. If it DOES effect a post day, I will mention it on any or all of the other social media I am currently using to communicate with you guys. I'm sorry for any delays this causes, but life happens.**_

_**I have updated my main profile here so if you're interested in any/all of my contact information on the internet that I'm slowly taking over (Insert Mr. Burns hands here), just go to my profile page from here on out and I won't have to be all like "HEY CHECK OUT MY FRICKING WHATEVER ACCOUNT". I hope to talk to you all sooN! ^_^  
><strong>_

_**Thank you all again, I hope, by now, you realize how much your continued support means to me. But if you don't, IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I LOVE YOU GUYS!**_

_**Be safe! And live with love!**_  
><em><strong>Roarkshop.<strong> _

* * *

><p>"She's really not a bad kid," Shepard said, watching Miranda shyly talk to her estranged sister. They were both smiling and laughing. Shepard thought it was good to see the relief in Miranda. "Maybe this will loosen that stick up her ass."<p>

"You're so sentimental, Shepard," Garrus teased.

"It's weird," she said tilting her head to the side. "For a genetic twin, they really don't look that much alike. Maybe Oriana wasn't genetically modified like Miranda was?"

"Or maybe Oriana is just wearing clothes."

They both had a good laugh at that as they made their way back to the Normandy, leaving Miranda to her family.

Shepard spent the next few hours scanning planets for valuable resources while the crew filtered off to bed. She didn't really realize how late it was until Joker came down from the Cockpit.

"Still up, Commander?"

She laughed and leaned her hands on the railing. "Yeah, I guess I should turn in soon."

"Hey uh," the pilot cleared his throat. "Shepard."

"Hmmm?" She turned around to face him and leaned to sit on the railing behind her, crossing her arms.

Joker rubbed the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable. "I'm sorry for getting you killed."

She smiled. "What are you talking about, Cripple? The Collectors destroyed the Normandy."

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah I know but..." Shepard didn't know how to respond to Joker trying to have a serious conversation. She never really saw him even attempt it.

"What's on your mind, Joker? I've never needed to give you permission to speak freely before, you've kind of always just... done it."

He laughed a little and nodded.

"Talk to me," she said. There was a long silence as he thought out his words before he spoke.

"When Cerberus first brought you back, I could see that something was super wrong with you. I mean it was you, but it wasn't. I don't know how to explain it." He took his hat off and rubbed the top of his head before putting it back on. "I thought maybe you were just pissed at me for getting you killed, which I wouldn't have blamed you for. Which was why I've kinda been at arms length this whole time. But I realize now you weren't mad at me, because you've come back full swing and you and I picked up like nothing even happened. So I never really got the chance to apologize to you...for... you know... the day you died."

"Joker," she said, approaching him.

"If I hadn't stayed in the Cockpit... If I had evacuated like everyone else...Maybe, I dunno, maybe you could have made it out."

"Don't do that, it's over now. I don't blame you, I never did."

He scoffed. "You'd be the only one, then. And it doesn't make me feel any better about it. The Normandy was my home, I just didn't want to let her go. But it was just a ship, Shepard. And I watched you get spaced all because I didn't realize that."

"Joker, no one blames you. And if they do, tell me. I'll break their legs."

He laughed.

"It's over now," he said. "I don't know that anyone still holds it against me, what with you walkin' around and shit now. Kaidan didn't talk to me for about a month. And Garrus, Jesus, I've never seen someone so angry."

"_Garrus _was mad at you?"

"Well I never really knew what he was thinking back in the day. He was always so military, so 'ex-cop'. But I was there when Anderson told him you went down with the ship, it was pretty brutal. I think he still blames me for it."

She sighed and moved next to Joker to lean on the railing with him. "I didn't think he would get so hurt," she said. "I watched the vid of my funeral. Christ, he was so sad."

"Yeah, we all were, Commander. But you and Garrus, well, you've been close since we picked him up on the Citadel. It hit Garrus a special kind of hard."

"I didn't think it would hit him _that _hard," she admitted. "I didn't think it would hit him 'go-to-Omega-and-kill-everyone-I-see' hard."

"Yeah, I can't think of a worse fate than getting beat to death with the stick Garrus had up his ass for 2 years."

She laughed.

"He stayed on the Citadel for a while," Joker continued. "He tried to pick up your mantle after you were gone, he really did. I was grounded on the Citadel and watched when he would try and tell people the Reapers were coming. But when the Council finally dismissed you as the 'over-tired specter' well, I think that was the last straw for him. It was the last straw for a lot of us."

"The fucking Council," she said with a scoff. "I swear they must be like... Reaper sleeper cells or something."

"I wouldn't be surprised."

"What happened when he found out?"

"He burst into Anderson's office demanding he tell him where you were. I guess he found out about the Normandy going down but didn't know anything else. Then Anderson told him you were gone and he threw some dudes."

Shepard laughed. "That sounds like him."

"It was crazy, Shepard. He's always so calm and collected. I had never seen him lose his shit like that."

"I've only seen it once. We sparred once for about ten minutes, on the SR1, because we were both so pissed about that.. god damn... expose that reporter did. I was winning so I think his fury got the best of him. God, he was so pissed. He pinned me down by my throat and honest to shit, Joker, it's the only time I've ever been afraid of him."

"Maybe that's how turians do foreplay," Joker teased.

"It totally is, I bet," she said with a laugh. "Still it wasn't that. I think I'd know if it was that sort of thing. No, if it had been anyone but me, I think he would have killed them."

"Shit, remind me never to fuck with you when he's around."

"You should know better than to fuck with me no matter whose around, Brittle Bones," she taunted.

"Rude," he said.

"You just better hope _he _doesn't die," she said with a laugh. "I might end up killing all of you."

Joker eyed the Commander up and down for a long moment with his arms crossed.

"He really means a lot to you, doesn't he, Shepard?"

"He brought me out of my psycho-haze after I woke up. And before you say anything: No," she interrupted Joker as he opened his mouth. "It wasn't with sex. He just brought me back to reality. He's the closest thing I've _got _to family, Joker. I think I'd honestly be lost without him sometimes."

Joker wrapped an arm around her neck and pulled her down, scratching his knuckles on the top of her head. "How could you get lost? You have the best pilot in the universe!"

She laughed and wriggled out of his grip, smacking him on the shoulder. "That's definitely true," she said.

"The Illusive Man has an urgent mission for you, Commander," EDI chirped.

"Thank you, EDI," Shepard said with a sigh. "I swear to god, that guy..."

"Yeah he seems kinda pushy," Joker said. "What with the AI spying on us and the cameras everywhere."

"Tali's working on that," Shepard said heading towards the armory as Joker followed her. "I don't think we can disable EDI, but the listening devices maybe."

"That's a shame. I would _really _like to be able to fly the ship without her commentary all 'Mr. Moreau this, Mr Moreau that.' It's like being in flight school again."

"Really? She's kind of growing on me."

"E'tu, Shepard? Must I wage this war alone?"

Shepard laughed as they stepped into the armory where Garrus was tinkering with something or another.

"Hey Garrus, what are you doing up so late?"

"Fixing your assault rifle that you fried with red sand," he said without looking up from his work.

"What would I do without you, Bird-lizard?" she said in a mocking tone before heading towards the comm room.

"Love you too, Bug," he said as the doors closed behind her. Once her scent disappeared, Garrus turned to Joker and looked at him sideways, exhaling through his nose.

"What?" asked the pilot.

"I never blamed you, Joker," Garrus said.

Joker swallowed, suddenly very embarrassed. "Sheesh, Shepard wasn't kidding about your hearing."

Garrus laughed. "It can be quite the curse," he said, wiping his hands on a rag as he turned to lean on the table. "If anything, I was mad at Shepard. That first few months I tried to hate her for it."

"You tried to hate Shepard? For _dying_?"

"Well yeah, anger is much easier to deal with than grief," he admitted with a sigh. He put the rag to the side, looking at the floor. "She's too good, Joker. If she would just... I don't know... show some _semblance _of self preservation maybe I could sleep better at night. But she doesn't. She would always rather it be her than any of her people."

"Maybe she's learned her lesson," Joker said, leaning on the wall. "Seeing how everything fell apart without her, maybe she's realized how valuable she is."

"You show me a Jane Shepard who doesn't throw herself in front of bullets for her people, and I'll show you someone who isn't Jane Shepard."

Joker laughed.

* * *

><p>"I love what they've done with the place," Garrus said as they entered the disabled Collector vessel.<p>

"It's like a giant insect hive," Grunt said.

They passed horror after horror on the vessel. Shepard was finding it harder and harder to stay positive. Piles of dead bodies, sick experiments, realizing that it was the same ship from both Horizon _and _that killed her two years ago. On top of all that, the protheans had been turned into the Collectors, enslaving their entire race.

It was like Shepard's own little personal hell. All that was missing was a hospital.

"Something's not right, Shepard," Garrus said. She turned around to look at him and he shook his head.

"Really? I think it's kind of homey," Shepard teased, very seriously considered heading back. She trusted Garrus' instincts enough to know that he wouldn't say it if he didn't have a really bad feeling.

That's when they saw all the pods.

"They're going to target Earth," Grunt said, realization hitting the three of them.

"Not if we stop them," Shepard said, storming off, suddenly committed to completing the mission. But once she accessed the panel, there was a weird power surge. "What just happened?"

"This was not a malfunction, Shepard," EDI said. "This was a trap."

"God damn it," Shepard said as the Collectors started closing in.

"I knew it," Garrus cursed, helping Grunt up after the platform had knocked him over.

Harbinger, husks, Collectors, you name it, they were pouring in on them. Every time they eradicated them, another platform flew in with more shit to kill. Shepard stood on the head of a possessed Collector and fired a shotgun blast into it.

_"Releasing control,"_ it bellowed.

"Pussy," she said with a smile.

Shepard had a rather unpleasant conversation with EDI about the trap, leading to the realization that the Illusive Man knew it was a trap _before _he sent them in.

"And here I thought I'd had my betrayal and attempted murder for this year," Garrus said with a sigh.

"Looks like we have to fight our way out," Shepard growled. "Let's get a move on so Joker doesn't have to leave us behind."

They killed their way through the ship, a special kind of determination in her. She wasn't going to die, not again, and not without giving the Illusive Man a piece of her mind that she could cram down his pathetic throat.

Suffice it to say she was angry.

She sent Grunt and Garrus up the ramp to get a better look as she took out a few collectors from short range. Shepard charged a Collector, thinking it was the last one, pouring a stream of rifle fire into its torso as she ran at it. By the time she saw the Praetorian it was already firing at her.

The blast from its laser eyes hit her in full force, out in the open. Shepard saw blue exploding all around her and her speakers crackled in her ears.

She screamed as the pain burned through her, and a chill went through Garrus. It was a horrible sound.

"Shepard!" Garrus called, coming out of cover to try and distract it. She collapsed as it turned to fire a shot at him and Grunt up on the ledge, and she took the opportunity to crawl behind a small wing of cover. She saw Garrus take a hit, and cursed to herself for not being more careful.

She took out her shotgun and waited for it to make its way around her cover so it could fire at her. She heard Garrus' furious rifle fire as he tried to drop it.

She waited as it started to float over the cover she was behind, then summoned all of her strength and hurled herself onto the top of the block and put herself directly under it, where it couldn't hit her with its laser. She fired directly up into its stomach and, as she expected, it hurled itself down to try and regenerate its shield, right on top of her.

Garrus saw the grenade in her hand, but she couldn't have been planning what he thought she was planning. It was only as they made eye contact, right before it slammed down on top of her, that he knew she was.

"_Shepard, no!" _he called out.

Just as she was flattened under the thing, she slapped her omni-tool to activate the command that restored her shields, and pulled the pin from the grenade. It erupted in a bright ball of yellow flame and greenish blue goop.

Garrus and Grunt rushed down to the center of the explosion to see her lying there, covered in muck, trying to hoist herself up.

"Spirits, Commander," Garrus fumed. "What's the matter with you?"

"That was impressive, Shepard," Grunt cheered as he picked her up with one hand on the back of her armor.

Her shields were down and she had obviously taken some of the blast as she swayed back and forth like a drunk, looking at her hands.

"Well...that's...just...disgusting..." she slurred.

"Looks like you took a nice blow to the skull," Grunt said.

"I think ...you...took a blow to the _face_!... Hah!"

Grunt slapped her on the back with a cheer.

Garrus laughed and put a hand on his helmet, shaking his head.

"Commander," Joker said. "You may want to double time it, you know so we can _leave _before they _blow the Normandy in half."_

* * *

><p><em>Two hours, <em>Garrus thought, stomping toward the elevator back on the Normandy. _Two hours since we've been back and she still hasn't come to the Med Bay. Stubborn, __**stubborn**__ human._

He burst into her room, mandibles pulled against his face angrily, clenching his fists. It looked like she was reaching for a spot on her back that she couldn't quite get. She stopped when she saw Garrus.

"Hey, Buddy," she said, putting her arms down.

"Don't give me that crap, Shepard. Why haven't you gone to the Med Bay?"

"Grunt took a pretty bad shot to the side," she shrugged. "Didn't want to take up the docs time with something minor."

"Bug, Grunt _regenerates._ You almost _exploded_."

She held up a finger and smiled.

"Ah-hah! Operative word being _almost." _

He smiled, he couldn't help it, damn her.

"What is it you are trying to do?" he asked as he approached.

"I'm trying to take my shirt off," she said, reaching awkwardly. "But it's, I don't know it's stuck to me."

"Let me see," he said waving a hand, motioning for her to turn around. She did and he recoiled. "Agh!"

"What?" she said panicked.

"Oh nothing," he said. "Your shirt is only _melted into your skin,"_

"What?"

"Yeah, come on," he said, taking her hand. "We're going downstairs."

"No, no. It's fine. It doesn't even hurt. Just take it off."

"Shepard..."

"Seriously, Garrus. It's fine."

He sighed through his nose. He knew how much she hated the Med Bay, and why she was really avoiding it. He also knew how stubborn she was. Not to mention that she was coherent enough that flinging her over his shoulder would be a much bigger struggle than when she was high on red sand. He turned her around to face him and hooked his talons under the bottom of the tight fabric of her shirt.

"This is probably going to hurt," he said to her. "A lot."

"I love it when you talk dirty," she said with a grin.

He laughed. "Would you shut up and put your arms up?"

She did and he lifted her shirt until she was exposed from the neck down, besides the bra she had on covering her curves. The shirt stopped just as it covered her face, only her hands sticking out the top of it, the shoulder where it was coagulated to her skin wouldn't give.

"AGH," she wailed. "_Holy-jumping-fucking-jesus_,".

"Yeah that looks painful," he said laughing. She looked rather ridiculous, with her arms straight in the air, her head still in her shirt. She bent over so he could look at where the shirt was attached to her, and he tried to peel it off. Which lead to another stream of curses from her, stomping her feet around. He laughed again as she flailed in her shirt, unable to see him through it. That was when the doors whooshed open, a furious Dr. Chakwas filling the space. "Uh oh."

"What?" Shepard said as she stood up, forgetting her arms were still extended over her head and accidentally hitting him in the face with her hand, knocking his visor off. She looked at him, or at least she thought she did, she still couldn't really see through the shirt over her head.

"Doc's here."

Shepard turned to where she figured the doctor was, but was off by about 15 degrees. Her hand coming out the top of her shirt waved. "Hey, Doc," she said happily.

"This isn't what it looks like," Garrus said, his hands up defensively.

"Right, Garrus and I uh..." Shepard struggled in her shirt but still couldn't get it to come back down so she could see. She finally gave up, and embraced it. "Garrus and I were just about to have some hot human-on-turian action."

Garrus face-palmed.

"And," she continued. "Since there's nothing wrong with kinky, inter-species sex between consenting adults, I'll kindly ask you to-"

"Her shirt is melted onto her skin," Garrus interrupted, pointing at her.

"_Judas!"_ she shouted, whirling on him, accidentally hitting him in the face again.

"No," he said pointing to himself. "I'm Garrus."

"No," she scoffed, still hidden in her shirt. "Judas is a very notorious betrayer back on Earth."

"Oh, that makes more sense. Would you like me to put your shirt back on?"

"Yes, please."

Dr. Chakwas started laughing so hard they were sure Joker probably heard it in the Cockpit.


	22. Rattled

**_Roarkshop Here: Happy Monday everyone! Remember comments/reviews are like writers fuel! ^_^_**

**_Progress on the blog is coming along. It's almost perfect! I just have to make the first few blog/vlogs to put up for you guys to watch (And hopefully give me feedback on) and I'm pretty confident I should be able to launch it by next chapter! Thanks again for all the overwhelming support you guys give me. It's very heartily appreciated. I LOVE YOU GUYS!_**

**_Remember all my contact information is on my profile page so feel free to contact me anytime so we can chat!_**

**_Love, Luck, and Laughter,_**  
><strong><em>Roarkshop<em>**

* * *

><p>After the short trip to Aeia to help Jacob out with something, that turned out to be an emotional roller-coaster in and of itself, Jacob, Garrus, and Shepard loaded themselves back onto the Normandy. Jacob was silent the whole trip back and excused himself into the Armory immediately upon returning.<p>

"Poor guy," she said watching him go.

"Yeah. You think I should..." Garrus pointed a thumb over his shoulder at the Armory.

"Nah," she said patting him on the shoulder. "Give him some time. He'll work it out."

"Commander," Kelly Chambers said, "You have a new message on your private terminal, but I'm not sure that it's for you."

"What do you mean?" she asked as she headed for her console.

"It's addressed to Jane Doe."

Garrus saw Shepard bristle, regardless that she quickly played it off and rolled her neck out as she typed something into her terminal. He heard her heartbeat speeding up, heard the armor of her gauntlets creak under the pressure she was putting on the desk. Otherwise, she seemed completely unaffected. If Garrus didn't know better, he'd say nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

But he did know better.

"Yup. Wrong Jane Doe," she said with a laugh, clicking it closed. "Thanks anyway, Kelly."

"Y-yes, Commander."

She loaded herself onto the elevator and Garrus followed her. She went to push the button for her quarters, but pressed the floor for the crew deck instead.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, why?" She looked at him and cocked her head to the side.

"You're heartbeat is out of control."

"I'll never get used to that, you being able to _hear _my heartbeat from three feet away."

"What was in that message?"

"I don't really know, wasn't for me so I deleted it. Can't imagine how many Jane Doe's there are in the galaxy."

"But you're not a Jane Doe."

"Not anymore," she said. She waved a hand dismissively. "Regardless it wasn't for me so it's nothing to worry about."

"Then why are you so worried, Shepard?"

She swallowed as she thought, before laughing and looking at her feet.

"Well you know... getting a message for a Jane Doe, I don't know. Thought maybe it was more demons coming back to haunt me. Guess it just got my adrenaline going."

He exhaled through his nose as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out. She didn't follow him, but waited for the doors to close. He put a hand across the opening to make sure they didn't.

"You aren't coming?"

"Nah," she said, trying her best to look care-free. "Think I'm going to shower first, I've got sand and muck all over me." She laughed and dusted off her pants before hitting the button for her quarters.

"So you only came to the crew deck to make sure I didn't follow you upstairs?"

She laughed. "What, am I thirteen now? No I just feel gross so I'm going to shower first. I'll get something later."

"I'll be here," he said with a stern exhale, watching the doors to the elevator slide shut.

Almost dazed, he went to the Battery without even acknowledging the greetings of the people around him, a million thoughts running through his head. Had that really just happened? It had never happened before, so could he be sure that's what it was? No. He knew her to well. It had to be. But, why? She had never had the need in the past. Why would she do it?

He wasn't sure what was making him so angry; the fact that she had done it, right to his face, or the fact that it hurt him so much.

"Hey, Garrus," Tali said following him into the Battery and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Everything okay?"

"Tali," he said turning to look at her. "Shepard just _lied _to me."

* * *

><p>Shepard put her hands over her face. She felt like crap. She had never lied to Garrus before. Hell, she couldn't remember the last time she lied to <em>anyone<em>. She scrambled into her chambers and brought the message back up on her private terminal. It was, indeed, for her. And it was from the Tenth Street Red's.

"If it isn't little Jane Doe, all grown up and still on our shit list. We thought we lost a great opportunity when you died a few years back, but it appears you were just under the radar. How wonderful for us. Remember that thing we wanted help with when you first became a specter? Do you remember how you screwed us? Do you, also, remember how we told you that The Red's weren't a good enemy to have? Well the past is catching up with you, Jane. And it's only a matter of time before you pay your dues. The Tenth Street Red's are coming for you. You're going to have to face your demons soon.

Remember: You brought this on yourself.

The Red's."

"Jesus," she said sitting back in her chair with her hand on her forehead. How did they find her after all this time? Just when she thought all her dirty laundry had been aired out in front of the whole traverse, The Red's had to resurface? They had managed to keep their names out of the news report on her past that had aired those years ago, probably had someone on the payroll still. She thought for sure they wanted no part of her any longer. She thought they were going to leave her alone for good once they realized she wasn't going to be their puppet. She wasn't afraid of them then because her secrets were well kept. But she was afraid of them now. If the details came to the surface about Gideon and Carmine, god, what would her crew think of her? What would Garrus think?

_Shit, _she thought. _Stop panicking. What's the worst that could happen? No one would think any less of you. Just get your shit together and act like nothing happened. _

After all, what could a bunch of street thugs do to her _now_?

She didn't go down for dinner that night. She didn't want to chance it. Garrus knew her too well for her to be able to fool him for long. She would let herself calm and hopefully by the time they got to Tuchanka in the morning, she would have her shit together.

Until then it was a sleepless night for her.

* * *

><p>It was a sleepless night for him.<p>

Garrus tossed and turned in the Battery, infuriated. What could she possibly gain by lying to him? What could she possibly want to keep from him? He knew just about everything about her...

...Didn't he?

What did it even matter? He wasn't her father, she could have secrets if she wanted. If it was something she felt wasn't any of his business that was her choice. They never signed a contract that said she had to tell him every little thing about her if she didn't want to.

Well then, spirits be damned, why was he so pissed?

He couldn't stand it anymore. His anger and curiosity quickly got the best of him, overrunning his respect for her privacy. The last time he had sat around trying to figure her out, she descended into madness and he had almost lost her again. That alone convinced him he was making the right call. He got up out of bed and made his way to the Battery's terminal, easily hacking his way into hers, dodging his way around EDI's security protocols. It would at least be a day or two before the AI noticed it and told Shepard about it. Hopefully by then he could figure out what the hell do to.

He read the message but didn't understand it. He didn't know what the Tenth Street Red's were, or why a threat from them would rattle Shepard. This couldn't be the first idle threat she had received in her life. She should know anyone that tried to hurt her would have her own personal army to deal with. Garrus alone would rip someone apart with his bare hands if they caused her any real harm.

Though, Shepard wasn't exactly easily shaken. If it got under her skin, it was something he should take seriously. And if he was going to take it seriously, he was going to have to figure out why she had lied to him about it.

"This is such a bad idea," he said to himself, tromping to the elevator.

When he got to her door he noticed the green of the access panel, which made him feel a little better. She wasn't so shaken that she was hiding from him again. He tried to listen for her through the door to try and figure out if she was awake or not. He stood as still as he could and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate, trying to hear something. Anything.

"Son of a bitch," she said. It was so feint behind the door he barely heard it, but he heard it. That's what was important.

When he opened the door and stepped in, she was cleaning one of her boots, sitting on the floor next to her bed.

"Garrus?" She said from the floor. "What are you doing up? It's almost 0300."

"I could say the same to you," he said.

"Well, I'm obviously cleaning my boots," she said with a sarcastic grin.

"I tried to let it go, Shepard. I really did. But I can't anymore. I need to know," he said as he approached her, standing at the top of the stairs.

She cocked her head to the side. "Know what?"

"Why did you lie to me?"

"I...you..."

"Don't even try," he said, holding a hand up. "You've never lied to me before, it was easy to catch."

She sighed and let her hands fall to the ground between her legs. "I should have known better," she said with a laugh.

"Yes, you should have."

"I'm sorry, Garrus. I just..." She stood, leaving her boots on the floor. "The message was for me. But it's... It's a part of my past that I thought I had buried forever. I'm just not ready for that conversation."

"I don't understand," he said, not wanting to let on how much he knew. He closed the gap between them and looked down at her. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know, big guy," She said with a sigh. "If I was going to talk to anyone about it, it would be you. You should know that by now. But I'm just... I really don't want to talk about it. With anyone. Not yet."

He exhaled through his nose. If she didn't want to talk about it, that was that. He wasn't going to force her. Raising his hands in that way he always did, he took her by the shoulders.

"I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to if, and only if, you answer a question."

"Shoot."

"Are you in some kind of trouble?"

She smiled up at him. "No, Garrus. Nothing like that."

He nodded, satisfied. If she didn't think the threat was anything serious, that was good enough for him. "Fine. Then you don't have to tell me about it." He smiled and put a finger under her chin. "But don't think I will forget about this, Bug. I will make you tell me some day."

"Said the half-naked man in my bedroom," she said with that wicked smirk of hers.

Garrus looked down and realized that he had left in such a flurry he had forgotten to put a shirt on. He laughed and let go of her chin.

"Well," he said, turning to look at her sideways. "You're welcome."

* * *

><p>Shepard was excited to see Wrex as they tromped onto the dirt ball planet he resided on now, though seeing him was an added bonus to why they were there; to get Grunt to stop throwing his head into things.<p>

The guards stopped them from approaching the Chief, and Shepard exhaled through her nose, sinking into her hip.

"You must wait until summoned," the guard said. "He is in talks."

"In...talks..." Garrus said. "Such a way with words."

"I think he'd want to see me," she tried to explain.

"He is in talks!" the guard shouted.

"Shepard!" Wrex called out, suddenly ignoring whoever he was talking to.

"Excuse me," Shepard said with a grin as she squeezed passed the guards. "Wrex!"

"Shepard, my friend!" he took her forearm in his hand and she returned the gesture. Garrus spared a moment to think that it was oddly sentimental for the krogan. "You look good for dead, Shepard. Should have known the void couldn't hold you," he said.

"Yeah and you look good for ugly," she said patting the side of his face. They laughed before Wrex turned his attention to Garrus.

"Good to see you, beak-face," he said, shaking Garrus' hand.

"Hello, Battle-Turtle," he said by way of greeting. "It's been a while. Please don't head-butt me again."

They all laughed.

"I should have known that if Shepard was alive you'd be riding her coattails to glory."

"Why does everyone say that?" Garrus scoffed.

"Look at you," Wrex continued. "You even have a decent scar on you! You might even trick a woman into thinking your worthy with that kind of mark on your face."

"Well I'm glad I at least have a shot with some krogan women. Though, if they look anything like you it might give me nightmares."

"You should be so lucky," he teased, turning back to Shepard. "How's the Normandy?"

"Disintegrated in a Collector attack. I got all spaced and shit."

"Well, you look good. Ahhh the benefits of a redundant nervous system, right?"

"Yyeeahh," She said rubbing the back of her neck. "Humans don't have that."

"Oh. It must have been painful, then."

"Not as painful as the ass whooping you're about to get," she said smiling.

"But look at you. You're here and you have a strong new ship. Takes me back to the old days. Us against the unknown, killing it with big guns... good times."

"Yeah, we certainly were awesome."

"Some of us more than others," Garrus teased.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Worthless," Wrex shot back.

They kept on laughing as Wrex told them about the revolutionary new directions he was taking his people. The green krogan, Uvenk, kept interrupting with negativity, and Garrus wondered why Wrex hadn't eaten him yet.

"But enough about all that," he said waving a hand. "Surely you didn't come here just to remember how good looking I am."

"Tempting though it was," Shepard said laughing, pointing a thumb at Grunt. "I need you to fix my new krogan."

Grunt scoffed. "You don't own me, Shepard."

"He was grown by Okeer in a tube-"

"Tank," he corrected.

"Right. A tank, and now he's breaking important windows with his face."

"Which is also why we can't have nice things," Garrus added.

"Okeer is a very old name," Wrex rumbled. "A very hated name."

"He is dead," Grunt said.

"Of course he is," Wrex said waving a dismissive hand at Shepard. "You're with Shepard. How could he be alive?"

"Hey!" She protested. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Things do have a way of dying in your presence, Commander," Garrus added.

"You wanna be next, Flat-face?"

"Adorable," Wrex interrupted. "But he needs the rite."

"The whaaa?"

"So you know what's wrong with him?" Garrus asked.

"There's nothing wrong with him. He's becoming a full adult."

"Adolescence? Really? Can't we just... take him to Omega and buy him a few dances?"

Shepard face-palmed.

"I don't care what turians call it. Krogan undergo the rite of passage."

"Too far!" Uvenk spat. "Your clan may rule but this _thing_ is not krogan!" He stormed off as Wrex mumbled under his breath about him being an idiot.

"So, Grunt. Do you wish to stand with Urdnot?" Wrex asked.

"You'll let a tank bred join your clan, Wrex?"

"Only because he's with you, Shepard."

Shepard smiled. Even Wrex, as cold as he was, trusted her without question, took what she said at face value, wouldn't dare question her motives. She had finally realized that Kaidan was the exception.

"After all," he continued. "We killed thousands like him on Virmire. Not quite as big, but many. His disposition is what it is. That's just him being a krogan."

"Well kiddo," Shepard said to Grunt. "This is your choice. What is it you want?"

The krogan seemed like he deeply considered it, but for all Garrus knew he was just trying to remember if he had eaten 5 times or 6 that morning.

"Yes," Grunt said. "My blood demands this."

"Good boy," Wrex said smiling.

Shepard promised to come back by after they did whatever the hell they had to do, and Wrex said he would be there and that they'd be welcome. By the time they reached the shaman, Uvenk was already starting to cause an issue.

"My krant stands against him," he bellowed. "He has no one."

"My patience is tested, but Uvenk invokes correctly," said the Shaman. "Grunt who is your krant? Allies willing to kill and die on your behalf."

"That would be us," Shepard said, putting up a fist. "Name our target and it will die."

"Great..." Garrus mumbled.

"Spoken well. Most aliens – and _some_ krogan – do not understand our ways. I believe this human does."

"Aliens don't know strength! My followers are true krogan. Everything about Grunt is a lie-"

Shepard plunged her forehead into the hard plate on Uvenks head, the krogan faltered.

"You... You dare!" He spat.

"BAHAHAA," the shaman roared. "I like this human. She gets it!"

Uvenk made an idle threat, shoulder checking Shepard on his way out as the shaman started leading Grunt away. As soon as they were out of hearing distance Shepard put a hand on her forehead.

"Agh... _Sonofabitch."_

"You know, Shepard," Garrus said, turning her by her shoulders and analyzing her head for a wound. "You really should think before you do things."

"What fun is that?" she said wincing, one eye open. "I, for one, will never be able to say I missed out on something because I was too busy thinking about it."

"Yes," he chided. "Very wise. Who would want to miss out on a concussion?"

"A _fun _concussion," she corrected.

Satisfied that she hadn't done any permanent damage, Garrus tapped her on the back of the head as he passed her.

* * *

><p>"Jesus-<em>Rollerblading<em>-Christ" Shepard wailed, diving into cover.

Garrus was just as shocked when the thresher maw charged up from the ground, but for the life

of him he couldn't stop laughing. Her unique curses never ceased to entertain him.

"Yes! More killing," Grunt shouted.

Shepard hit Garrus' legs as she fell into the cover he was behind and he helped her stand.

"Been a while, huh Garrus?" she said, smiling that mischievous smile of hers.

He cocked his rifle. "Just like old times, Shepard."

She laughed.

They were whittling it down slowly, but Garrus could tell Shepard was getting antsy.

"How long are we supposed to just outrun this thing?" she asked angrily.

"The thing said five minutes."

"Well, hell," she said, whipping out her missile launcher. "We all know I don't have that kind of patience."

"Shepard you don't have time," Garrus protested. "We're not in the Mako, we don't have the

same protection we did last time."

"Bullshit, I'll roll back once I've gotten the shot off."

As soon as the maw dove back into the ground she rolled and flicked up the targeting system.

Once it came back up, she locked on it, and it started arming itself. The maw reeled back, ready to spit another stream of acid at her. But she didn't move. It was almost ready.

"Stubborn human," Garrus cursed. He pressed his back against the cover and reached out with

his arm. Just as the missile exited the barrel, Garrus grabbed her by the throat and pulled, bringing her

across him and around just as the acid grazed the elbow of his armor. Using the momentum, he

slammed her into the wall, his other hand pushing into it beside her head as he shielded her from the blast. The thresher wailed and screamed in agony from the rocket to the face, and Grunt charged it, taking the opportunity to empty his clip into its head.

Garrus and Shepard didn't move, they were panting, looking at each other. With her hands braced up against the metal, she swallowed nervously and he felt the movement of her throat against his palm.

He noticed then that he was growling.

Grunt started hooting and hollering in the background and they both snapped out of it, laughing

awkwardly.

"You okay?" he asked, clearing his throat. "You know, besides being stupid?"

"Yeah..." she said laughing. "Fine."

Garrus released her throat and pulled away from her with a nod.

"I. AM. KROGAN." Grunt shouted with fists in the air, kicking the corpse of the thresher maw.

"They grow up so fast, don't they?" Garrus teased, putting an arm around Shepard as they

walked toward him.

* * *

><p>"You can't help causing trouble, can you, Shepard?" Wrex said, more entertained than anything else. "No one's taken down a maw since my turn in the rite. Next you'll tell me he's a quint and craps<p>

dark matter." He sighed. "Guess that's what it takes to replace me."

They all laughed.

"Sorry we had to kill your court jester, or whatever the hell he was."

"In reality you did me a favor, Shepard. I couldn't kill him while he was still clan leader, but his dishonor, and death, will bring Clan Gatatog to unite with Urdnot, making us stronger still."

"Well," she said rocking back on her heels. "You're welcome then."

He laughed, then turned to Grunt, giving him an appraising eye.

"You are Urdnot Grunt. Welcome."

Grunt pounded his fists together excitedly and Shepard dismissed him back to the ship, telling

him to send out the Professor. Shepard asked Wrex about the salarian they needed to find quickly

before saying goodbye to him. They shook hands and he wrapped her in a hug which, again, was unusually sentimental for him.

"Don't be a stranger, Shepard. You're always welcome here."

"Same goes for you and the Normandy, Wrex," She said as she turned to follow Grunt back to

the ship.

"Well, Ugly," Wrex said to Garrus, shaking his hand.

"It was so nice of you to let us come see your dirt pile," he replied, returning the gesture.

Wrex laughed.

"Hey, uh, Wrex," Garrus said rubbing the back of his neck. The krogan shifted uncomfortably. It was the first time Garrus had called him by his name, so he knew it was going to be a serious question. "Do you remember anything about The Tenth Street Red's?"

"The What-street-Whats?" he said confused.

"Shepard got a pretty serious sounding threat from a group called The Tenth Street Red's, called her Jane Doe so I think they knew her back on Earth. She won't talk to me about it, but at the time it seemed like it shook her up."

"Now that you mention it," the Chief said, rubbing his chin as he thought. "We had gone back to the Citadel for... something. Supplies I think. There was a human outside of Chora's Den." He waved his hand dismissively. "I don't remember his name, I didn't much care at the time. He threatened to reveal something about her past if she didn't break one of his gang out of prison with her new found power as a spectre."

"What? I don't remember this."

"Right, you weren't there. You were still nursing a bullet wound like a baby vorcha. It was me and... and the dead one."

"Williams?"

"Yeah that's it. Williams."

"Okay, what happened?"

"Well, you know Shepard," Wrex said with a laugh. "She went to the turian guarding the prisoner and warned him of the jailbreak so he could increase the guard force."

Garrus laughed.

"She had said something to him about not being their puppet anymore, and the human threatened her, saying they would remember it, blah blah blah. I don't remember much of the conversation it seemed unimportant at the time." He exhaled eying the turian. "Shepard is a worthy foe and must get death threats left and right. Doesn't seem like something like that would cause concern."

"That's what I thought," Garrus said looking in the direction she had left in. "But if it's enough to get her upset, I figure I had better take it seriously."

"Good instincts," Wrex said nodding. "But I doubt they can dish out anything Shepard can't handle."

"That's a good point," Garrus conceded.

"Still," Wrex Grabbed Garrus' forearm and pulled him in close, threateningly. Garrus' mandibles opened, responding to the threat unconsciously. "If you let anything happen to her I will find you, and eat you, Vakarian."

Garrus stirred. His instinct to protect himself faded as he realized this was just how Wrex showed concern.

"Don't worry, Wrex," he said putting a hand on the krogan's shoulder. "I'll figure it out."

"See that you do. Turian is gross."


	23. Vengeance

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* * *

><p>"What?" Garrus said, staring at the lone Salarian. "Shepard didn't come back to the ship?"<p>

"Correct. Message to join you relayed by krogan. Have not encountered Commander."

"Well come on," Garrus said turning to head back into the krogan base. "I guess let's go find her."

As soon as they stepped onto the dirt back in the main camp, Shepard called to them.

"Oh good," she said as she approached. "You're together, let's get going."

"What the hell is that?" Garrus said, pointing at the large varren following her.

She looked down with a grin and knelt down by the creature, putting a hand on either side of its face and scratching it.

"This is Urz," She cooed. "He's the cutest varren in the whole traverse, yes he is. Yes he is!"

The varren groaned approvingly, wagging his tail.

"Honestly," Garrus said rubbing his eyes. "I left you alone for maybe three minutes. How did you already bring in a stray?"

Shepard covered where she figured the varren's ears were with an overly appalled face.

"Hush! You'll hurt his feelings. He's not a _stray." _She resumed scratching Urz's head. "He didn't mean that, Urz. He's just grumpy."

"What? You have a varren following you and I'm the one being weird?"

"Sentimental attachment normal for humans," Mordin chimed. "Anthropomorphizing wild animal to give human emotion, thus strengthening attachment."

"I'm not anthro-pologizing him," Shepard whined.

"Anthropomorphizing," Mordin corrected.

"Yes, Shepard, stop anthro-morphing the wild varren," Garrus said.

"I'm not antrho-monopolizing him!"

"Antrhopomo-" Mordin tried again.

"Regardless," Garrus interrupted. "You can't keep him."

"Can't keep him?" Shepard said, standing. "Who are you my dad? I can have a varren if I want."

Urz whimpered.

"Damn it, Bug, how old are you?"

"Shut up, Grumpy Face!" She shouted, pointing at him.

Garrus face palmed.

"Urz," Shepard said, putting her hands on her knees. "Mommy has to go kill a bunch of krogan. You stay here like a good boy and kill those nasty pijaks."

Urz hopped up and down, panting with his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth.

"That's a good boy," she said, rubbing his head. "Who's the best boy? Is it you?"

Garrus knew this was a bad idea, but the sight of her grinning like she was put a unique kind of warmth in his chest. So he didn't have the heart to tell her. Not yet.

* * *

><p>"That's a shame," Garrus said as they entered the krogan building. "Hospitals aren't fun to fight through."<p>

"What _is _fun to fight through?"

"Gardens, electronics stores, antique shops..." Shepard turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised. "You know, but only if they're classy."

She tried not to laugh, Mordin was examining a human corpse and that seemed rather serious, so laughing would be in bad taste. She settled for nudging Garrus playfully with her elbow.

The mission to 'rescue' his assistant had gone by easy enough, besides the fact that Shepard had to stop, yet another, one of her crew from a murder they might regret later. Garrus had been rather distracted the whole time, trying to sort through the facts Wrex had just given him about the gang Shepard supposedly ran with back on Earth. He had resolved himself not to bring it up, since she told him she didn't want to talk about it. If she wasn't ready to talk there was nothing he could do but respect her on it.

...For now.

Though he kept trying to figure out if he was more upset that she ran with a gang as a child, or that she didn't want to tell him about it.

"Garrus!" Shepard shouted.

"What, huh?"

"Holy hell, welcome back to the land of the living," she teased. He was embarrassed to realize he was so lost in thought that she had to shout at him.

"Hmmm, turian obviously distracted, frustrated," Mording offered. "Species routinely use intercourse for stress release. When was last...ah...encounter?"

Garrus and Shepard laughed as they turned to make their way back to the Normandy.

"Way too long ago, obviously," Garrus said.

"Cheer up," Shepard chimed. "If we don't all die in the Omega 4 I'll buy you a really classy hooker."

He scoffed, faking offense. "I have never needed to buy a woman in my life."

"Maybe that's why it's been so long," she jabbed.

"Paying money for intercourse unnecessary, plenty of willing participants on Normandy," Mordin offered.

"He's got a point, you already know Ms. Chambers wouldn't think twice."

"Oh yeah, that's just what I need," he groaned. "Assuming her squishy form even _survived _the encounter, she would be even _more _obsessed with me. How would I get any calibrating done?"

"Human form more resistant to scarring than asari. Coupling quite feasible assuming allergic reaction accounted for."

"Yeah that's just what you need right in the middle of sex, a closed wind pipe and anaphylaxis," Shepard said.

Garrus shrugged. "I wouldn't need her mouth for anything."

"Oh," she exclaimed laughing. "Dude, you're horrible."

"You love it," he said nudging her.

"Considering lack of allergy, Commander probable for best casual option for turian coupling."

They stopped.

"What?" Shepard asked.

"According to psych report night of psychotic breakdown, noted Commander had punctured turian skin on wrist with canine teeth. Ingestion of Dextro-Amino blood obvious. No anaphylaxis or reaction occurred. Logical conclusion Shepard … ah... lacks allergy."

"This went to a weird place," Shepard said.

"Yeah, you always take it that one step too far into awkward, Mordin," Garrus chirped.

The Professor shook his head, disappointed. "Squeamishness. Ridiculous. Simple professional opinion."

* * *

><p>Shepard was sad to leave Urz on Tuchanka. But, Garrus was right, ship life was no life for a varren. She had never really intended on bringing Urz with her onto the Normandy, but it was nice to pretend for a while. It was surprising how lonely it could get on a ship full of people.<p>

"It's been almost three months Joker," Shepard said, looming over the pilot in the Cockpit later that evening. "You really need to adapt here."

"Commander, come on, it watches me all day every day!"

"It watches everyone, it's not like she's spying on you. She doesn't give a shit what you do, she's an AI."

"The Commander is correct. I do not prioritize what you do as having a high level of importance, Mr. Moreau," EDI chimed.

"Shut up, Ship Cancer," he spat.

"Joker, honestly, it's been too long for you to still be wigging out about this. If you want to watch porn in your off time, just flick the mute on and have at it."

"Please, Commander," he scoffed turning around. "Like I would watch porn in the Cockpit."

"Yeah, you go ahead and pretend it's an unreasonable assumption," Shepard teased, turning to walk away as Kelly Chambers ran up to her looking panicked.

"Commander," She said grabbing Shepard's hand.

"What is it Kelly, is everything okay?"

"It's Garrus..."

"What about him?"

"He was down in the Mess when his...omni-tool beeped..." she said, obviously unsure of her words. "He-.. he read something off it and … I don't know how to explain it. His eyes filled with fire. He punched the elevator console and just left. Has he come up here?"

"No." Joker said. "We haven't seen him."

"EDI," Shepard called.

"Cargo Bay," she replied.

She patted Kelly's hands before turning to leave.

"Thank you, Kelly," she said. "I'll handle it."

When she got down to the weight room, he was hitting the speed bag so hard she thought it might burst. She suddenly felt bad for almost destroying the big one so it was unusable.

He stopped what he was doing and rolled out his neck, hearing her enter.

"Wanna talk about it?" she said approaching him, arms crossed.

He exhaled through his nose and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.

"It's Sidonis," he said.

"Where?"

"The Citadel, he was seen with Fade, a lowlife who has a reputation for giving out new identities. That's probably how he's avoided detection till now."

"EDI," she said looking at the ceiling.

"Alerting Mr. Moreau of destination," she chimed.

Shepard looked over at him and sank into a hip with a smile. "See? That's all you had to say, you didn't have to take it out on the poor equipment."

He sighed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders in a half hug, panting.

"Thanks, Bug," he said.

"You could really use a shower," she replied.

He laughed.

* * *

><p>The darkness in Garrus, the darkness she thought had disappeared, was creeping up on him little by little on the journey to the Citadel. It was only a day flight since the clusters were so close together, but by the time they arrived, he was like a totally different person. Threatening a harmless volus with his gun, the way he shouted at Harkin, threatening to find him wherever he hid. Something was wrong. This wasn't Garrus. Not the Garrus she knew.<p>

"So," she said, rocking back on her heels, trying to stay upbeat. "Harkin's finally gone completely bad."

"He's always been a pain in the ass," he said angrily looking out the window. "But I'm in no mood for his games. If he doesn't cooperate I'll beat him. Within an inch of his life."

"Do you really think all of this is going to make it right?"

"I know you don't like it Shepard," he said exhaling through his nose. "But I have to do this."

There was no convincing him. At least not like this. She wished there was something she could do. Something to help him. She couldn't let him kill Sidonis. If he did, it would haunt him forever. She knew from experience. But she couldn't _tell _him that, could she?

_Damn it, _she thought as the heavy mechs exploded and they headed into Harkin's office. _I'm running out of time. I need to __**think **__of something._

"Well, _Fade," _Garrus taunted after slamming Harkin into the back wall by his throat. "Couldn't make _yourself _disappear, huh?"

"Come on, Garrus – we can work this out. Whaddaya need?"

"I'm looking for someone," he said.

"Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants."

A well place knee in the groin put him on all fours. Shepard had to step in. Garrus was going to _kill_ the guy.

"We're not here to make deals, Harkin," she said.

"You helped a friend of mine disappear. I need to find him." His tone was getting darker and darker. "His name is Sidonis, a turian, came from the-"

"I know who he is," Harkin interrupted. "And I ain't telling you shit."

"Harkin," Shepard said nicely. "This doesn't have to be hard."

"Screw you, bitch."

"What did you say to her?" Garrus growled, grabbing the man by the front of his shirt.

"I don't give out client information," Harkin continued. "It's bad for business."

Garrus knocked him to the floor and put his boot on his throat. Harkin gargled under the pressure.

"You know what else is bad for business?" Garrus taunted. "_A broken neck_!"

"All right, all right," Harkin choked. "Get off me."

Garrus didn't move his weight from the man. Shepard had to take him by the elbow, snap him out of his rage, before he finally backed off.

"Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus?" Harkin panted.

"No," he said exhaling. "But Sidonis... opened my eyes. Now arrange a meeting."

After the meeting was arranged and they had what they wanted, Garrus still wasn't satisfied. He grabbed Harkins shirt again, threatening him for becoming a criminal.

"What, so you're just going to kill me?" Harkin whined. "That's not your style, Garrus."

Garrus paused.

"No," he said, pushing the man away. "But I don't mind slowing you down a little." He drew his pistol, aiming for his leg.

Shepard was afraid for him. He was turning into a whole different person right in front of her eyes. She had to think. She had to figure out how to reach him.

"You don't need to shoot him," Shepard said, grabbing his arm at the last second, sending the bullet into the ceiling.

Garrus angrily ripped his arm from her grip and threw his face into Harkins nose, once Shepard had stopped looking. She turned around, scorn in her face. Garrus shrugged.

"I didn't shoot him."

Shepard gathered Tali into the cab as they headed for the lounge. What in the blue fuck was she going to do?

* * *

><p>"I'm starting to get worried about you, Garrus," She said honestly. "You were pretty hard on Harkin."<p>

"You don't think he deserved it?"

"It's just… It's not like you. Not the you I know."

Garrus let the rage in his chest swell and exhaled. He knew he wasn't really mad at Shepard, but she was making herself an easy target and he wasn't about to bite the anger down. Not now. Not while he was so close.

"What do you want from me, Shepard?" he snapped, turning away from her. "What would you do if someone betrayed _you?"_

"I don't know," she lied. "But I wouldn't let it change me."

"I would've said the same thing before it happened to me."

"You don't have to go through with this, Garrus."

"Yes I do. Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't? Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares. I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us. He deserves to die."

"Garrus..."

"I appreciate your concern..." he barked. "But I'm not you."

She exhaled and turned her head too look away from him.

"This isn't _you _either," she said, a sadness in her tone.

For the briefest moment, the rage in Garrus subsided. The thought that what he was doing was hurting her... It made his resolve falter.

_No, _he thought. _I'm too close. _

"The thought that Sidonis could get away with this..." he was more thinking it as he said it. Strengthening his own resolve, rather than trying to convince Shepard. "Why should he go on living when ten good men lie in unmarked graves? I'm sorry Shepard, words aren't going to solve this problem."

He got out of the cab and watched them drive off while the rage built back up in his chest. He chanted the names of his team in his head, remembered their empty, lifeless, faces. He remembered the last thing they had said to him, remembered who they were fighting for. He remembered who they left behind. He remembered who had gotten them killed.

This was the only way he could do right by them. He wasn't going to let it slip away.

He set up on the bridge and made sure their communication was working as Shepard found the target. She called the turian over and placed herself … very... inconveniently.

"Damn it, Shepard," Garrus cursed as she explained to Sidonis the situation, trying to help him. "If he moves I'm taking the shot." Why would she do this? Why would she side with a _traitor _over him? Her best friend? He should have known better than to think she was going to just let him kill a man. But, still, deep down Garrus had hoped she trusted him enough to make the call. The realization that she didn't made his rifle tremble in his hands.

"Screw this. I'm not sticking around to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems..." the turian said as he turned to leave. Shepard grabbed his arm, hard, in her hand.

"Listen to me, you insect. I am, literally, the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head."

"Wh...what?" he tried to process the information. "I screwed Garrus over bad," he said. "How do I know he won't shoot through you to kill me?"

She laughed, an angry sound. "It's Garrus up there," she said, poking him in the chest with an armored finger. "Not you."

Tali started to look rather tense, assessing the situation around them, folding her hands over each other.

Garrus' mandibles clicked. _Damn her, _he thought. She knew he would never even think to shoot through her, nor would he even risk trying to shoot around her. She was using how he felt about her against him. To save this... this... rotten excuse for a life.

He seethed.

"Look..." Sidonis tried. "I didn't want to do it...I didn't have a choice."

"Everyone has a choice," Garrus growled.

"They got to me," he continued, unable to hear Garrus' words. "They said they'd kill me if I didn't help. What was I supposed to do?"

"So that's it?" She fumed. "Ten good men are dead because you're a coward?"

Sidonis walked away, and Shepard stayed parallel to him, keeping herself in Garrus' cross-hairs.

"I know what I did," he snapped. "I know they died because of me, and I have to live with that..." he laughed. "If you can even call it living. Spirits, I see their faces staring at me every night. I wake up covered in sweat. I can't eat. Hell, I'm already a dead man. Maybe I _should _let Garrus kill me. I keep just wanting it all to be over."

"Just give me the chance…" Garrus said.

Sidonis looked at the woman keeping him alive, examined her face.

"You're Shepard aren't you?"

"What's it to you?"

He laughed and leaned his elbows on the railing. "I knew it." He gestured to his own eyes as he spoke. "It's the eyes. He always talked about your eyes."

Garrus started growling, his fury slowly starting to get the better of him. He lowered his rifle to look around and see if there was a different spot he could go. But nothing presented itself, so he just looked back through the scope at them.

"Garrus was never going to trust us like he trusted you," Sidonis continued. "We all knew it. If you hadn't died we all knew he would abandon our cause to follow you again. The way he talked about you, it was obvious." He sighed and looked down at his hands. "Garrus hadn't lost anyone to Omega's gangs. We all did. My bond mate..." Sidonis exhaled a ragged breath, his hands shook. "God... they killed her... right in front of me. I still have nightmares about it." Silence. "Every one of us in his squad lost someone on that damned station. Everyone but him. He was... I don't know... he was trying to atone for losing you, I think. Taking his fury out on Omega because he couldn't do it to whoever was actually responsible."

"That doesn't excuse what you did. Garrus would have never just abandoned you for me or anyone else. He's not like that. And he would have never _ever _sacrificed any one of your lives to save his own."

"That's true enough," he said, looking over at her. "But we never doubted whether or not he would die for us. What we wondered is how many of us would he sacrifice to save _you?" _

Garrus felt like he got kicked in the chest, and slowly lowered his rifle.

"I don't think that would have changed anything. Garrus doesn't sacrifice people."

"Maybe you're right," Sidonis continued, looking out on the city. "Maybe he is just _that _good a man. If he is, that's hard to compete with. But when you've lost the only thing you truly care about... It's just... you never really care about anything else the same way again. I know there's nothing I can say to make this right, but you wanted an answer. There it is."

He was right. Garrus knew he was right. He never cared about his squad the way he cared about Shepard's death. And she was wrong, saying that he wasn't like that. Had the choice come up, he would have sacrificed all of them to bring her back. And in a way, that's exactly what happened. He cared about his men, he trusted them, cared about their cause. But... the only reason any of them were doing it was because they had all lost the thing that was most important to them. How could anything else have measured up?

"Just... go..." Garrus said sadly. "Tell him to go."

"He's giving you another chance, Sidonis. Don't waste it."

"I won't, Garrus. I'll try," he said as Shepard turned to walk away. He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you," he said. "For helping me."

Garrus saw Shepard's face through the cross-hairs, saw the rage in it, the snarl that came onto her lips. She looked up at where Garrus was, and her eyes were furious in the scope. She raised her hand and flicked off her comm before wheeling onto the turian.

"Shepard, do you copy?" Garrus asked.

Silence.

She pulled Sidonis down by the front of his shirt so he was eye level with her, and he could only hear bits and pieces through Tali's comm. Not enough to piece anything together.

When she had finished, the turian turned to run, trying to move too fast, stumbling most of the way. Shepard turned around and flicked her comm back on as they went back to the cab to pick up Garrus. His hands wrung on the railing as his rage swirled through his chest. She approached from behind him and it took all his strength not to throttle her.

"I know you want to talk about this," he said turning his head over his shoulder. "But I don't. Not yet."

"Oh. Yeah alright," she with a nervous smile, trying to keep humor in her tone. "Payback's a bitch, huh?"

Cold. Nerve wracking. Silence.

She cleared her throat and got back into the cab.

Needless to say, the trip back to the Normandy was tense.


	24. Ghosts

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* * *

><p>Garrus didn't sleep at all that night. He sat in his bunk, elbows on his knees, staring at the cold floor, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Why was he so mad at her? He had to have known she would try something to save Sidonis. One of the first things she had said to him was about protecting the civilians. But this wasn't a civilian. He was a traitor and a coward. Shepard knew that as soon as she got Sidonis to explain, if even the tiniest bit of goodness shone through it would have made Garrus second guess himself. And even if it didn't, she would have stayed there all night if she had to until his conscience got the best of him.<p>

Damn her. She knew him too well.

He should have known better. He shouldn't have brought her. What if he had just asked for some shore leave? He probably could have done it alone. Why would he bring her, knowing full well she would try to stop him? Maybe he didn't want to do it. Maybe he brought her knowing she would stop him from turning into a murderer. Subconsciously, perhaps, he didn't want to do it at all.

Even so, once she actually did it, once she actually chose Sidonis' side over his, he couldn't fight the anger.

Wait...was _that _why he was so mad?

He stood and started pacing the Battery.

_Damn right, _he said to himself. _Damn right, that's why I'm pissed. _

After all these years, all they've seen together, all he thought they meant to each other, she would still choose an innocent civilian over his peace of mind? On the bridge, Garrus realized he would have sacrificed his entire team to bring Shepard back, and she wasn't even willing to trust him enough that he could handle killing someone who betrayed him? After all this time, she still cared more about the civilians than she did about him.

But that's who she is, that's always how she's been. Why was he so surprised? So angry? Did he expect that she would eventually come to care for him enough that he would be more precious to her than civilians?

What the hell, why did he even _want _to be that precious to her? Or to anyone? It's not like they were lovers, or family...

_Garrus is about the closest thing I've got to family, _she had said.

Well then, damn it, why didn't she act like it? Shepard was never one Garrus would classify as "all talk". If they were _really _family, wouldn't she put him before the life of some nobody? Surely if those homeless men who had hurt her when she was a child were still alive she'd want them dead, right? And Garrus wouldn't even _hesitate _to kill them. Slowly.

It's easy to not think revenge is right when the only people you've ever wanted revenge on were already dead. It's easy to say that killing in cold blood is wrong when you don't have any emotional attachment in the act.

He slammed his palms into the Battery console and it beeped.

After all this time, she was more precious to him than he was to her.

The realization made his blood hot under his skin.

_This is, _he thought to himself, _an __**unacceptable**__ weakness._

* * *

><p>Shepard avoided Garrus like he had the plague. He hadn't come out of the Battery all day and it was making her hate herself. But she stood by her decision. As she had approached Sidonis she had spared a moment to hope, almost wish, that Garrus wouldn't hate her for what she had done. But that was obviously as fruitless as wishing ever was. The only thing in her life she managed to do right, and she ruined it.<p>

_But that's okay, _she thought, staring at the Battery doors. _It's better this way. _

Later, she needed to leave the ship, so she decided she would at least see if he wanted to come. She hadn't left the ship without him since Noveria, and it seemed like it would piss him off even more if she didn't at least ask him.

She made her footsteps extra loud just to make sure he knew she was coming.

"Shepard," he said without turning around. "Need me for something?"

"Yeah I uh... well I'm going to pick up this last recruit and was gonna see if you wanted to come along. It shouldn't take long, I just have to find her."

"Ah, the thief right? The one with the stupid password?"

"That's her."

"You go ahead, I've got to get these diagnostics finished."

"Ah, moved from C-words to D-words to avoid me. Very clever. I almost didn't catch it."

He turned to look at her over his shoulder, his frigid eyes hanging on her wordlessly.

"Uh, yeah, okay. I'll see you later, Garrus." She backed out of the Battery and the doors hissed shut in front of her. She sighed and put her forehead on the door for a moment, wishing she could take the last forty-five seconds back.

_Great idea, Jane, _she said to herself. _Provoke him, that should smooth things over. _

She turned back to the Mess Hall and eyed the congregation there.

"Hey Thane," she said, walking toward the drell. "You haven't left the ship in while. You want to come with me?"

"It'd be a pleasure, Shepard," he said.

"Excellent. I'll go get Lawson and we'll head out."

"As you wish."

She sighed as they loaded back onto the Citadel.

"Lovers quarrel?" Miranda asked. "I've never seen you leave the ship without Garrus before."

"I seem to have fucked up pretty bad," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "But that's okay. I mean… I kind of expected him to hate me for it so I'll just deal with it. It's better than the alternative."

"What was the alternative to him hating you?" she asked.

"Him hating _himself_," she said with a sad smile as they approached the glowing ad.

"Commander Shepard," a heavily accented voice said. "Enter your password and receive a free gift."

"I am really not in the mood," Shepard said, coldly.

"Ah, I heard you might be tough," the ad said. "Goto Kasumi, at your service."

"A pleasure, Goto-san," Shepard said. "Now get onto the ship."

"H-hai, Taichou," the thief replied, taken aback by the Commander's greeting. "You look silly talking to the advertisement anyway."

Shepard turned to look up at where the voice was coming from. Kasumi bowed to her, and Shepard nodded in return. Then the girl disappeared.

"Great," Shepard said. "Another sneaky person." She waved a hand dismissively at Thane. "That's just what I need."

Thane scoffed. "Being able to cloak, and being stealthy, are not necessarily the same things," he said.

"Ooh," Shepard said as they turned to head into the wards. "Touchy subject?"

"Hardly," Thane said. "I merely thought you'd appreciate knowing the difference."

"And here I thought you two were going to be bestest friends."

* * *

><p><em>This is stupid, <em>Garrus said to himself as he listened to Shepard talk to the other girls in the Mess Hall. He had confined himself to the Battery all day, dwelling over the situation like a child, just making himself more and more angry over it. It didn't help that Shepard took Krios in his place even when she knew how much Garrus still didn't trust him. All of this could probably be avoided if he would just talk to her. What was he expecting to happen if he didn't? It would just magically get better? No. He had to know where he stood. He had to know if their friendship truly meant as little to her as she made it seem. If he was really her best friend, then he deserved better from her.

The Battery doors hissed open as he exited them, staring her down as he slowly approached.

"Aw shit, he's still pissed," Shepard said softly.

"How can you tell?" Kelly whispered. "He always looks like he's smiling."

"Just...trust me..." she said back. "He's pissed." Once he had finally approached she smiled awkwardly at him. "Hey, Garrus."

He stared at her for long, silent, moments; Communicating without a single word.

"Yeah...Okay," she said as she stood and gave the girls a wince. "I uh... I'll talk to you ladies, later," she said, turning to go to the elevator.

Garrus followed her. Silently.

He heard her heart pounding in her chest as they rode the elevator up, saw how she tapped her foot nervously. She was afraid. Good. She should be.

"Jesus," she said as she made her way into her quarters. "This must be what it feels like when you know your parents are going to scold you."

"Scold is a bit too lenient a word for what I'd like to do to _you _right now."

"Well," she said with a nervous smile, turning to face him. "Insert generic snarky innuendo here, and have at it."

He exhaled through his nose as he approached her, trying to keep his cool.

"I'm trying," he said with a sigh. "_Really_ trying, to stop this anger I've got. But I can't seem to, Shepard."

"I can see that," she said, sinking into a hip.

"Why, Shepard?"

"Why, what, Garrus? Why did I keep you from shooting Sidonis?"

"Yes. Why did you take his side over mine? Does our friendship mean so _little_ to you that a civilian you don't even know means more to-"

"If I were you," she said through clenched teeth. "I would stop talking."

Garrus could tell she was making a significant effort to keep the anger out of her face, but he heard her heart start thrumming in her chest.

"Have I said something offensive?" He said, stepping toward her. "Or did you use our friendship against me to keep me from killing someone who betrayed me?"

"You're damn _right_ that's what I did," she said through clenched teeth.

"And yet you think my reaction is unfounded?" he shouted. "You just _admitted _to choosing him over me."

"I did nothing of the kind, Garrus."

"How can you say that?"

"Well if you're this pissed about it, you shouldn't have let him go."

"Like you would have given me a choice? You know me so well that as soon as you got him to tell his side of the story you knew I would have second thoughts. You used that, and how I feel about _you _against me to save his worthless life."

"I didn't do it to save _him, _Garrus. I did it to save _you_."

"Like hell, Shepard. Don't try and make it out like you were protecting me. I know damn well your stance on killing in cold blood. So don't pretend you were doing anything other than what you've always done; protect the civilians."

She took a few deep breaths and walked past him towards the door, her arms crossed against her chest.

"I'm not having this conversation," she said.

"Don't you walk away from me," he snapped.

"You obviously aren't going to believe what I tell you," she said, her cold Commander mask firmly in place. A mask, he thought, she was far passed using with him. Her calm composure was infuriating. "What is the point to this conversation? Are you just trying to hurt my feelings? Is that what you want? Mission accomplished. You can go back to the Battery satisfied that you've ruined my day. But if you're not going to believe what I tell you why are you even asking me questions?"

His hands bunched into fists at his sides as he tried to bite down his anger, heavy breaths heaving from his chest.

"If you want me to believe that you did it for me than give me a damn explanation!"

She rubbed her eyes with her fingers.

"Have you ever killed in cold blood, Vakarian?" She asked, without lifting her head.

Her addressing him formally struck a nerve, but he wasn't going to let her derail him. Not again.

"You know I haven't, _Commander,_" he spat back.

That obviously got to her, as her head snapped up and her vivid green eyes focused angrily on his.

"Well I wasn't about to allow you to start!" she shouted, clenching her hands into fists.

"That isn't your choice! You do not get to decide what I can and can't live with!"

"Did you even _think_ about what you were doing? Have you prepared yourself for the consequences of taking someone's life for no other reason than you wanted it?"

"What the hell would you know," he cursed, waving a hand dismissively. "What do you know about betrayal? What do you know about revenge?"

"God damn it! **You don't know me, Garrus**," she raged. The fury in her face made him pause. What had she just said? He had to have heard her wrong.

"What do you mean I don't know you? _No one _knows you like I do."

"And yet you still know nothing!" She said, sadly, the anger easing out of her tone. "But that's alright. I would rather you hate me."

"You did this because you _want _me to hate you?"

"I did all of this to _protect_ you, you stupid talking lizard! But I am fully prepared to have you hate me if it means I don't have to watch you hurt like I have."

"Like you have...?"

Her eyes widened as she realized what she said, but the sneer quickly came back to her face.

"This conversation is over," she said, turning away from him.

"What do you mean," he said, grabbing her arm to keep her from leaving. "What do you mean 'hurt like you have'?"

"Like I said, Garrus, you don't know anything."

"Explain it to me, Shepard. You owe me that much."

"No," she raged, trying to rip her arm from his grip. "I don't have to explain anything to you. You just go on believing what you want to believe. It's none of my business anymore."

"None of your business?" he said, forcing her to turn to him and gripping her shoulders. "What, you're giving up now?"

"What is there to fight for, Garrus? You've already made your decision."

He roared and shoved her, effectively slamming her up against the fish tank. He squeezed her shoulders in his hands so hard blood started to pool under his talons.

"Unacceptable," he growled. "You are not allowed to give up on me, Shepard. Because I have never, ever, given up on you."

Angry tears started to well up in her eyes, but she stayed silent. Her insides quaked as she tried to fight it, her brows knitting together in a sneer.

"Just... Talk to me, Jane."

"You don't know what it's like, Garrus," she said finally, and he felt her body shutter through his hands on her shoulders. "To carry that kind of ghost around with you."

"What are you _talking_ about, Shepard?"

"I'm not who everyone thinks I am, alright?" she said, putting her hands on his chest and angrily pushing him. He let himself be pushed away as she spoke. "I'm not this perfect hero, this pinnacle of goodness everyone has painted me as." She put her hand over her eyes to try and compose herself, her other hand a shivering fist at her side.

His instinct to go to her was strong. He fought it, fought the urge to approach her and tell her it was alright. He wasn't going to let their friendship be used against him, not again.

"God damn it," she said turning to pound a fist into the fish tank, commanding herself to keep her shit together. "Dee and I weren't attacked by some random homeless men," she cursed, her shoulders tense and shivering. "We were attacked by the leaders of the Tenth Street Red's, Gideon and Carmine. They were like father figures to us when we ran with them." She cleared her throat, hoping it covered up how her voice shook. With her hand still on the fish tank, she turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. "They knew my short cut, and they knew it was out of sight, and they _knew_ we would be there alone." She turned back to the fish tank and let her forehead fall onto it as stubborn, angry tears streaked her cheeks. She clenched her teeth together as she fought against the sadness, knowing full well her words were about to change Garrus' opinion of her forever. "When I was 17 I found Carmine, the one who killed Deelia, and I followed him. That night I snuck into his hide-out and I slit his throat in his _fucking _sleep. I sat there and I watched him die, watched the light leave his eyes as he choked on his own blood." She put her face in her hand again, afraid to look at him. Afraid he would see the shame in her face. "I didn't join the military to become a hero, Garrus. I didn't change my name to honor Deelia. I did it to avoid getting arrested for the _murder _I had committed: A cold, premeditated, _gruesome, _murder. And no matter how many people I save, no matter how _good _I am Garrus, I will never, _ever,_ be clean of that."

She turned to look at him and the shock in his face was obvious. She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her face before turning around and letting her back slide down the tank until she was on the floor.

"Well," she said sadly. "Now you know and now you can get out."

"Shepard..."

"What?" She snapped, looking up at him. "What else do you want from me? Aren't you happy now? Congratulations, Garrus. You know my dirty little secret. Now get out."

"Do you really want me to leave?"

"I don't see why you'd want to stay," she confessed before propping her elbows up on her knees and holding her head in her hands. "God, Garrus I wouldn't have been able to handle it. Watching you hurt like that, not when I knew I could stop it. When I knew I could save you from it. I would rather you hate me for not letting you kill him."

"What's the matter with you," Garrus said. "Shepard, I don't think I even have the _capacity_ to hate you. And, frankly, the fact that you think I could is a little jarring." He exhaled through his nose and approached, crouching onto the balls of his feet in front of her and putting his hands on her knees. "I wasn't mad because you didn't let me kill him. I was mad because I thought you chose sides, and the side you chose wasn't mine."

"I don't know how you could ever think that," she said, lifting her head to look at him. "Garrus, I will _never_ not be on your side."

"I realize that now," he said, letting his head fall onto her knees, moving his hands to the back of her calves. "I feel pretty foolish now."

"Yeah well, you _are_ pretty foolish."

He laughed before looking back up at her. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier, Shepard? Why did you think you had to hide it from me?"

"Because I, I don't know. Everyone has painted me as this hero who always saves the civilians, and I thought that's why you respected me. But the truth is, when I stop you idiots from killing people, it isn't to save the civilian. I usually don't give a good god damn about the civilians. I'm protecting my people from doing something they'll regret later. Garrus, if I had to choose between protecting you and protecting…an entire _city_ of civilians… I will choose you every time." She sighed and let her head fall back against the base of the tank. "I didn't want your opinion of me to change. I thought you'd be disappointed in me if you knew."

"That's ridiculous. Shepard, I'm more disappointed that you only killed _one_ of them."

She laughed. "Yeah well, I lingered too long after killing Carmine, and Gideon found me. If he hadn't been so blinded by rage he probably would have killed me, but he was sloppy. I managed to take out one of his eyes and escaped with a broken arm. I thought for sure he would have met some untimely end by now, but when Finch found me on the Citadel a few years back, I knew he still had eyes on me somehow."

"So..." Garrus said, his hands subconsciously tightening on her legs. "If Carmine is the one that killed Deelia, then... Gideon's the one who..."

"Ah... yeah," she cleared her throat.

"And he's still alive."

"It would appear so. That message I got before Tuchanka, I'm pretty sure that was from him."

"Well, why is he threatening you after all this time?"

She cocked her head to the side. "I never said he threatened me."

Shit.

"Oh... I..."

"You _hacked _my _terminal?" _

He sighed and rolled to sit by her side against the base of the fish tank, laying his arms over his own knees.

"I had to Shepard. Before I came up here to talk to you I was furious that you had lied to me. I had to know what it was. The last time I just sat around while you tried to figure something out I almost lost you again. I couldn't take that chance."

He looked over at her and she was smiling at him before she leaned to rest the side of her head on his shoulder.

"We're, like, the worst best friends ever, aren't we?"

"Yeah," He said with a laugh, lowering his head into one of his hands. "We really are." They stayed like that for a moment before he lifted his head and looked down at her. "Hey. What did you say to Sidonis when you clicked off your comm?"

"That he shouldn't thank me and the only reason I was letting him go was so you could forgive yourself. And that if I ever caught him within 50 meters of you again I would drown him in the Presidium fountain with my bare hands."

Garrus laughed, a lot louder than he had meant to.

"That makes sense," he said.

"Yeah. I thought you'd get mad at me if you heard me threaten his life just after convincing you not to take it." She looked up at him, still leaning her head on his shoulder, and sighed. "I'm sorry I used your feelings against you."

He put an arm around her shoulders and laughed. "If I would have killed him, and found out some other way about his reasons for it, I never would have lived that down." He exhaled and put a kiss on the top of her head. "Thank you, Shepard," he said, resting the side of his face on her head. "For knowing me better than I know myself."


	25. Defective

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><em>**

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* * *

><p>Garrus, Jacob, and Shepard shopped around the Citadel for a while, finding food provisions for the cook, getting some schematics for weaponry, the usual. When Shepard finally started getting recognized by the store owners, they didn't hesitate to ask her for an endorsement for their store if they would give her a discount, which she did happily.<p>

"I don't get it," Garrus said, fondling his new scope. "How can they _all _be your favorite store on the Citadel?"

"Just don't ask questions and enjoy your new toy," she said back at him.

"Yes _ma'am_," he almost cheered.

A familiar voice called to them from behind, and Shepard's fists clenched subconsciously when she recognized the woman.

"Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani: Westerlund News," the woman said, holding out her hand.

Garrus started growling.

"I know who you are," Shepard said, leaning back into her hip.

"I was hoping to get an interview with you before you left again. Your story is due since you've come back."

"You tried to make my last interview a _smear _campaign, _and _you exposed my very private past to the entire galaxy. What makes you think I would be civil?"

"Because you're always civil, Shepard. You are the pinnacle of goodness!"

"I don't always travel in civil company," she said as Garrus walked up on her. Shepard caught him by the elbow and pulled him back. "Don't make a scene, love."

"What, _you're _civil so she goes unpunished?"Garrus snapped.

"Violence isn't going to make her a good person."

"It would sure make me feel better," he said.

The reporter cleared her throat nervously before making the camera light flash on, illuminating Shepard's skin as she stared confidently into it.

"Sources claim you were at the heart of the Presidium during the Battle of the Citadel."

"I was."

"Is it fair to say that the course of the battle hinged on your words?"

"It is."

"So you told Admiral Hackett to assist the Destiny Ascension, costing hundreds of human lives, and securing the continued dominance of the Citadel Council?"

"That's just like you. To concentrate on the _human _cost as if it's the most important. Turning me into the villain because I don't think a human life is more valuable than an asari's or a batarians. The Ascension, the dreadnought with the Council on it, had a crew of nearly 10,000. People... Not humans... but lives." She exhaled through her nose. "You don't want to talk about lives saved though, you want to talk about lives lost. Fine. The turian's lost more than twice the amount we did. They lost twenty cruisers. _Twenty_. Figure each had a crew of about three hundred."

"But... the human cost-"

"The Alliance lost eight cruisers. Shenyang, Emden, Jakarta, Cairo, Seoul, Cape Town, Warsaw, Madrid. And yes, I remember every single one. Everyone in that fleet, including the _other _races who lost their lives, are heroes. Their military owes them all medals. _The Council _owe them a lot more than that." She exhaled another angry breath. "They deserve better than you." She said before turning and leaving.

After they walked away, Jacob very promptly requested a fist bump, which Shepard gladly gave him.

"Damn, Shepard... That was hot!" Jacob whooped as they made their way across the wards. She laughed.

"Sorry you didn't get to punch her, Garrus," she said.

"If I would have punched her she would have been a lot better off," Garrus said laughing. "She's probably wishing I _had._"

* * *

><p>They were still on the Citadel when Thane received the message about his son potentially following in his footsteps. Shepard didn't have any children, or family for that matter, so she wasn't about to judge whether or not it was actually important. It was important to Thane, and because of that they went. It didn't seem like something they were going to need a lot of firepower for, but as a general rule she brought Garrus along anyway. Plus, Shepard knew how little Garrus trusted the drell, so asking him to stay behind would have caused some sort of ruckus. Shepard certainly wasn't looking to waste time on a sniper-contest or some other damn thing.<p>

They spoke to the C-sec supervisor that had helped them find Fade, and he had some information on a duct rat named "Mouse".

"Got pinched for selling illegal VI personalities. Was selling one of you after your ship got blown to pieces."

"Me?" Shepard asked pointing to herself.

"Yeah it would say something like 'I delete data like you on the way to real errors'."

Garrus tried to stifle his laughter, he really did, he just failed.

"Yeah, laugh it up, Garrus."

Shepard thanked Bailey and headed out to find this Mouse.

"You didn't tell him that Kolyat plans to assassinate someone," Thane said curiously after getting out of ear shot.

"Yeah, I also didn't tell him what youdo for a living. You in the habit of telling cops that you're an assassin?"

"I see your point... Thank you, Shepard."

She patted his shoulder.

"Hey," she said. "You're part of my crew now. Your family is my family."

Garrus cleared his throat uncomfortably.

Mouse was rather helpful, though the realization that Thane had been closer to this invisible kid than he had been with his own son was troubling. She guessed it was hard to make the jump from assassin to loving father.

"Elias Kelham," Garrus grumbled. "I've heard of him. Had a few C-sec agents on the payroll back when I was working. Bad news, Shepard. Usually pretty well protected. Might give us some trouble."

"Oh good," Shepard said as they made their way back to C-Sec. "I was starting to think this was going to be too easy."

They found out that Kelham still had his wallet on the agents at C-Sec. Bailey included. Shepard promised not to cause him any trouble if she could help it, and Garrus agreed to stay outside and help stall his lawyer until they could get some answers.

"Who the hell are you two?" the criminal asked, pulling against his restraints on the chair. "Where's my advocate? This is bullshit."

Shepard and Thane shared a glance and she winked at him before they circled the culprit.

"My name is Shepard," she said. "I'm a Specter."

"_Commander_ Shepard? Bullshit. Prove it," Kelham demanded.

She drew her gun from her hip and held it idly in her hand, doing her best to imitate her endorsement voice.

"I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite _**way to kill the man who doesn't answer my fucking questions**_!" She shouted, shoving the barrel of her pistol into the man's throat.

Shepard thought Kelham was going to hear Garrus laughing through her ear piece he was laughing so hard. Even Thane had to turn away to hide a smile.

"All right, all right, I get it!" Kelham whined.

"Good. Now, fortunately, I'm not after you. You contracted an assassin. Who's the target?"

"Joram Talid. A turian in the 800 blocks running for office."

"Thanks," she said condescendingly. "You won't see us again. No offense, but you're a problem below my pay grade."

They left the room together to find a still laughing Garrus.

"That may go down in history as the shortest interrogation ever," Thane complimented.

"You mean the _best _interrogation ever," Garrus said between laughs, trying to catch his breath. "Ah, damn. My face hurts."

* * *

><p>"Alright," Shepard said as they made a plan. "Thane and I will advance on the bridge together to try and find Kolyat. Garrus, you stay with Bailey and bring in C-Sec if the shit hits the fan."<p>

"Do you, ah… Think that's the safest course of action, Commander?" Garrus asked.

She put a hand on his shoulder. "Trust me, Garrus. It's gonna work out."

Garrus exhaled through his nose and nodded. He knew better than to fight her on it. And even as far as they had come as friends, he still respected her too much as a Commanding Officer to challenge her in public.

He did as he was told, making his way to his position with Bailey to wait for them to give them a location. Waiting. Garrus hated waiting. This is why stealth missions were stupid. So much time wasted when they could just find out what they needed to know the good old fashioned way; finding someone who knew more than them and questioning them. And by 'questioning', he meant 'pulling out their femur and beating them with it'.

"Where will you be?" He heard Shepard say through his ear piece.

"The darkest corner with the best view," Thane replied.

"The darkest corner with the best view," Garrus parroted to himself. He sighed, ticking his talons on the desk anxiously as he listened to the back and forth between his squad mates.

"I can't get a good angle. Where is he?" Thane asked.

"Do you have eyes on me?"

"Of course, Shepard."

"He's at my three o'clock."

"Pffft," Garrus said to himself. He bunched his hands into fists. This drell was incorrigible. Battle-field flirting when he should be worrying about his son?

Spirits, he was cranky. It wasn't like him to get so easily irritated. Maybe it was the boredom putting him on edge, making him look into it too much. The drell hadn't really said anything that flirtatious had he?

"Kolyat!" Shepard shouted, shaking Garrus from his thoughts.

He heard gunshots in his earpiece and stood, his instincts telling him to move, but not having a direction to aim them in.

"Thane," Shepard called.

"I saw," Thane replied.

"Garrus, he's heading into Talid's apartment. Bring back up."

"Affirmative," Garrus said, waving Bailey over.

* * *

><p>Shepard felt bad for pointing her gun at the kid, he'd obviously never done anything this stupid before and was unsure how to react. But he was afraid, and Shepard knew how dangerous that can be when someone has a gun.<p>

"This... this is a joke. Now you show up?" Kolyat said.

"Just put the gun down, kid," Garrus said from the door as he entered with Bailey. Shepard noted how fast they had gotten there. Perhaps C-sec's reaction time was a lot quicker now a days.

"Get out of my way, I'm walking out of here and he's coming with me," Kolyat threatened.

"They'll have snipers outside," Thane said, trying to reason with him. Shepard thought he was doing a crappy job of being comforting. This obviously wasn't something Thane was very good at, logic brain that he was.

"I don't need your help," he protested. "All of you, back off."

Thane did as his son said, obviously unsure of what to do.

"I'll do it," Kolyat threatened. "I'll kill him."

"Oh hell," Shepard said, not amused, "_I'll_ kill him." And without a second thought she shot the turian. He made a gargling noise and crumpled to the floor. "Hostages only work if your enemies care if they live," she said.

"Oh my gods," the kid wailed, the gravity of the situation finally settling in.

"Yeah that's what a dead body looks like, you're obviously not prepared to create them, so stop acting so tough."

"What the hell, Shepard?" Garrus shouted, aghast.

"Interesting solution," Thane said.

"What?" she said as if nothing was wrong. "You said you didn't want Kolyat taking a man's life. Problem solved. Now we can move on."

"I don't dispute the logic, just the morality."

"What do you care?" Kolyat shouted. "I know what you are!"

Minutes later, Garrus was still staring at Shepard, wildly confused. She noticed it out of the corner of her eye as Thane and Kolyat were escorted out of the room.

"Oh come on, Garrus. Do you _smell _blood?" She taunted before lifting her pistol to shoot at him to prove her point. Garrus flinched, but his shields didn't even fizzle. She had concussive rounds in her gun.

He laughed as he relaxed.

"I have to admit you had me there. Spirits, I thought you just killed that guy."

"That doesn't sound like me," she said.

"This coming from the woman who just last night gave me a lecture on not caring about the civilians?"

She laughed.

* * *

><p>Garrus sat with Tali and a few others in the mess when he heard Thane and Shepard coming out of Life Support. No doubt she had been checking how he was feeling after the ordeal with his son. He still didn't like the drell much, but Shepard had seemed to warm up to him, and while that was strangely irritating, he trusted her judgment.<p>

"Thane, you want some tea?" Shepard asked as she headed to the kitchen.

"I would, thank you, Shepard," he said as he took a seat across from Garrus.

She tossed him a tea packet which, of course, he caught without looking.

Shepard took the seat at the head of the table between Garrus and Thane, bringing her two mugs of hot water with her, sliding one to the drell. He nodded to her in thanks.

The crews laughter turned raucous regardless that the drell stayed mostly silent, though seemed to enjoy himself just fine. Garrus caught his eyes lingering on Shepard a few times as she spoke and he couldn't figure out why it got under his skin so easily.

Unhappy with the drell's silence, Gabby tried to induce Thane into a conversation that ultimately lead to him telling them the story of how he had met Irikah, his wife. The men in the crew quickly started filtering out of the Mess. Tali, Kelly, Kasumi and Gabby were glued to their seats, sighing.

"That's so romantic," Kelly said, holding her chin on her hands. "She's a lucky lady."

"On the contrary," Thane said, looking down into his tea. "It was I who was blessed."

A general consensus of "awwwwe" went through the girls, not Shepard though. Garrus realized he must have already told her this story on one of her trips into his quarters.

"Where's your wife now?" Garrus asked, curious why he was so interested in Shepard if he was already spoken for.

Garrus saw Shepard wince, and suddenly regretted asking.

"She ah... She is no longer with us."

Gasps from the girls as they covered their mouths and/or helmet.

"What happened?" Gabby asked.

"I don't think that's any of your business," Shepard said as she set her mug down. "Krios was nice enough to share with us, but now you're being intrusive."

"You're right, I'm sorry Thane," Gabby said.

"It's quite alright," he said, sharing a glance with Shepard, thanking her silently.

"What about you, Shepard," Tali said teasingly, trying to change the topic. "When are you going to settle down and start a family?"

Shepard laughed.

"Hai, Taichou," Kasumi said. "When will you want little ones?"

"That's assuming the Collectors or Reapers don't kill us all?"

"Yes," Tali said.

Garrus laughed.

"Probably never," she said, sipping her tea.

"Never? You don't want a family some day?" Gabby asked.

"It's not about what I want, Gabby. It's about what's attainable."

"You could have had anyone you wanted on the old Normandy Shepard, don't act like men don't want you," Garrus chided.

"Not _anyone,"_ Shepard teased, nudging him in the ribs. "And besides, that's my point exactly. Men usually want me, but that's as far as it goes. I've told you girls before I've never had an... encounter with a man that didn't end up ruining the whole thing. I've never had a serious relationship, so I guess I don't know what I'm missing."

"Wait... never?" Kelly asked. "You've never had a boyfriend?"

"No," she said with a shrug.

"I'm pretty sure Kaidan still thinks he was your boyfriend," Garrus said. The three people privy to the joke laughed.

"Even so, I find that hard to believe, Shepard."

"Men never want that from me," she said. "They think conquering a powerful woman somehow makes them more powerful. Once they realize I'm not going to order them around, or adhere to whatever crazy fantasy they've invented in their heads, the novelty of it dies and they bail. Not that I can blame them, who wants to get saddled with as much baggage as I've got in my past? No, I don't think I'm the settling down type."

"But what about all those demerits?" Kelly said. "Your file is riddled with marks for fraternization early in your career. You mean to tell me none of those men were boyfriends?"

"Ah, yeah," she said with a laugh, rubbing the back of her neck. "Well that was in the beginning. I was trying to, I don't know, Chakwas says I was trying to reclaim the power, or something."

"With sex?" Garrus said, confused.

"That makes sense, actually," Kelly admitted. "When someone is learning to deal with a rape-trauma they can either become very afraid of intimacy, or very casual about it, using it as a tool rather than a bond."

"Well this got weird," Shepard said, clearing her throat. "Anyway I don't do that anymore. It's too messy and complicated."

"But you deserve to be happy," Gabby said.

"I am happy," She said beaming a smile. "And besides," she gestured a hand to Tali and Garrus. "I have these two schmucks to keep me company."

"That's not what she meant," Tali said.

"I know. But look, the longest functional relationship I've ever had with a man is with Garrus," she said gesturing to him. "And the only reason I've managed to make that last as long as it has is because it never got muddied up with sex because he thinks I'm squishy and repulsive."

Everyone in the conversation laughed except Garrus.

"What is this anyway?" She asked, setting her mug down. "Cry about Shepard's defective love life night?"

"Your comrades simply express a desire to see you made happy," Thane offered. "You who put forth so much effort to see that _they _are made happy."

Shepard didn't have a response for that.

"It's seems silly you would just give up like that," Garrus said. "That's so unlike you."

"Of course _you _don't understand," she said, starting to get a little angry that everyone was prodding her.

"What's that supposed to mean? Why shouldn't I understand?"

"You're a turian, Garrus. Your people bond for life. When you put your bond-marks on someone they are yours forever. Breaking that bond by any means other than death pretty much get's you _shunned _on Palaven, right?"

"So?"

"So? It's not like that for humans. We pretend we're like turians but we're not. We believe in happily ever after right up until they can't stand you anymore. We have something called divorce on our planet: Legally severing from your spouse permanently. It's a regular practice. More than half of human unions end that way."

"That's... I don't even...That's barbaric."

"It's true," Kelly said. "My parents split when I was just a kid."

"No one I have ever attempted to have some kind of relationship with has ever stuck around long enough for me to call it that. Call it abandonment issues, call it whatever you want. But it's the facts. Not very romantic, I know. But as William's used to say; A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist. You ask why I've given up on the whole practice, that's why. Because it's all bullshit for humans. We should just do what salarians do; Make breeding contracts that only last until the courtship emotions fade."

"Maybe that is also your answer then," Thane said, sipping his tea. "Maybe you've simply been looking in the wrong species."

Garrus' fists tightened under the table.

Shepard smiled and looked over at the drell.

"Why, Mr. Krios," she said leaning her head on her hand. "Is that an offer?"

Unaffected, Thane lowered his mug to the table, his cool eyes hanging on her, the slightest hint of a smile creeping up on him.

"If it were, you wouldn't have to ask," he said.

Shepard patted him on the shoulder with a laugh.

"You're okay by me, Thane," she said. The girls unanimously agreed.


	26. Desire

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* * *

><p>"The new systems went in beautifully," Garrus boasted. "This thing packs a hell of a punch."<p>

"I don't understand. How can you even read this?" Shepard asked, squinting at the Battery console. "It's just a bunch of gibberish."

Garrus laughed as he turned to see who had opened the Battery doors. They were both surprised to see Samara standing there.

"Commander," she said.

"Hey, Sam," Shepard said, turning to lean on the console. "What's up?"

"I'm afraid I have something urgent to discuss with you."

"Oh," Garrus said. "I'll give you two some privacy then." He started to walk towards the door when Samara put a hand up to stop him.

"No, it is alright. Since it is likely that the Commander will have you accompany us to begin with, it matters not if you hear this from her or from me."

Garrus and Shepard shared a glance before he sat down on the crates off to the side.

Samara went on to share with Shepard the tale of Morinth, the dangerous criminal she had been chasing. How she knew where she was, and how she might not get another chance for hundreds of years.

"What aren't you telling me?" Shepard said, crossing her arms. "I know that you are aware how much more important our current mission is than some serial killer. And while I agree that she needs to be dealt with, it's not nearly as high on the priorities list. So there is something else to this."

Samara looked down at her feet, and the shame was apparent on her face. Neither Shepard or Garrus had ever seen Samara show any emotion other than mild amusement.

"This creature. This…monster. She is my daughter."

The only sound in the room was their collective heartbeats, and Garrus saw Shepard tense.

"I do not want pity, and I will not accept it." Samara said, straightening her posture, turning back into the proud Justicar. "My daughter's condition is my fault, and my redemption lies in killing her."

"You're sure? There's no other way?"

"I am."

Shepard sighed. A thousand different things running through her head.

"Alright. We'll head back to Omega."

"Thank you, Shepard," Samara said with a slight movement of her head. "You cannot imagine what this means to me."

Just as quietly as she had come, Samara turned and left. Shepard didn't say anything, just stared at the empty spot the asari had been standing in.

"Well, that was heavy," Garrus said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah."

"How are you going to stop her from killing Morinth?"

She exhaled a long breath from her nose before speaking.

"I'm not."

"What?" Garrus said as he stood.

"You heard me."

"Yeah but…"

"This is a whole different animal than you wanting revenge or Jacob taking his disappointment out on his father. She's not acting on some brash emotion, she's been hunting her daughter for hundreds of years. It's been her only purpose. She doesn't want to do it, but she knows she has to, and it's the only way she'll find peace."

"Yeah I can see how it's different but… You're obviously not happy about this, Shepard."

"No. I'm not. But it isn't about me. It's a whole different culture, a religion. I can't get in her way. Not this time." She sighed and looked down at her feet. "But, I don't know._ I'm_ somebody's daughter, Garrus. And as far as _they_ know I'm as good as dead. Makes me wonder if they wanted me that way, or if they would have changed their minds seeing me now."

Again, the silence that filled the room was unbearable. What could he say to that? What could he possibly say that would take away a couple decades worth of pain and uncertainty?

"Well," She said as she headed out of the Battery. "Let's hope no one recognizes that ugly face of yours."

* * *

><p>"You'll have to go in alone and unarmed. She will be drawn to you," Samara instructed.<p>

"No _gun_?" Shepard said.

"No _backup_?" Garrus said.

"You cannot enter a club, armored and armed, without arising suspicious. And Morinth will not approach a potential victim that is among company. Besides, I must stay hidden or we risk spooking her."

Shepard exhaled and rubbed her eyes with her fingers.

"This isn't going to be fun."

"You must be careful, Shepard," Samara said. "I do not think you understand just how dangerous she is."

"It'll be fine, Sam. I think I can handle a woman's advances."

"You think incorrectly, Commander. Morinth can enter your mind, make you think things that aren't real. Make you think she is the only thing you have ever wanted. That is what makes her so dangerous. You do not know there is a threat, until she has already taken over your mind."

"I think I'm stronger than to succumb to some kind of Asari mind-melt B.S."

"I can go in," Garrus said. "I'll head in half an hour before you so it doesn't look like we showed up together. And I'll be able to see fine in the dim light so I can keep eyes on you the whole time, just in case."

"I hardly think she's going to go all black widow on me in a crowded club."

"Mr. Vakarian's concerns are well founded. And if you would prefer the extra confidence of having a comrade within reach, that is a satisfactory plan. I merely cannot go in with you. The moment she senses me, all is lost."

"Fine," she said frustrated.

"We will head back to the ship so that you may change."

They headed out of Nef's room and thanked her mother for the help before making their way back to The Normandy.

"I don't even own any club clothes," Shepard said, rubbing her neck. "I guess I'll have to borrow something."

"Yeah, I doubt our military casuals are proper club wear."

* * *

><p>Garrus came out of the Battery wearing his workout shirt and slacks. He figured he should at least try and dress like he was out to get laid. For turians, that means showing off your shoulder ridge and arms. The neck of the sleeveless shirt hung loosely across his chest, fixing on a small point on his shoulders. He rolled his neck out and a few of the women in the crew started staring at him. Tali laughed.<p>

"Yeah, yeah," he said stepping into the mess. "I'm not happy about this either so keep it to yourself."

"Is this how turian's go on the prowl?" Tali asked.

"Yes, unfortunately. Though it's not something I generally do."

All eyes turned to the crew quarters on the starboard side of the ship as they heard Shepard yelling.

"No," she shouted as the door wooshed open. "I draw the line at make-up, Kelly. I'm already in this getup Goto-san gave me, and you did my hair. That's enough shenanigans. Keep that garbage away from me."

Out she stomped, shoulders tensed.

The men in the crowd immediately hollered and cheered, thunderous applause pouring from them.

She was wearing a short black dress that was snug against her form and accentuating her curves with black shoes that made her, already toned, legs flex as she walked. The neck of the dress was low and pinned together by a metal piece, making the material hug her chest. The material went around the back of her neck, and exposed all of her shoulders and back. Her hair had been straightened, and it hung, tossed casually, over one eye.

Her face filled with blood as the embarrassment hit her.

Garrus' mandibles fluttered as he looked her up and down. He had never seen her look so feminine. The look obviously didn't suit her, which anyone who knew her personality could tell, but he'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that she was the only one he'd ever seen make the style look that good. He'd also be lying to himself if he didn't admit that the sight of her bare shoulders and throat didn't make his blood hot.

_Get a grip_, he said to himself, shaking his head out. _This is __**Shepard**__ you're looking at._

"Yes, yes," she said, trying to get the men to shut up as she entered the Mess. "Very funny, as you were."

"Damn, Shepard," Joker said. "I had almost forgotten you were a girl under there."

"Hilarious."

"Give us a turn, Commander," Jacob said, twirling his finger.

"Shut up," she commanded, that old confidence coming back to her. "Before I kill each and every one of you."

"Oh, Taichou," Kasumi squealed, taking Shepard's hands in hers. "Kyaaa! You look very beautiful! I am so glad it fits you."

"I feel ridiculous," Shepard mumbled, taking her hands out of the thief's.

The applause and cheers slowly settled but everyone's eyes were still on her. The doors to Life Support hissed open and, glad for the distraction, Shepard turned to see Thane coming around the corner, curious about the commotion.

He stopped in his tracks as his eyes fell on Shepard. His hands came out from behind his back unconsciously and his eyes widened, only slightly. It was the least composed anyone had ever seen him.

"Kalahira," he said softly, not even realizing he said it.

The men in the Mess laughed. All of them but Garrus, anyway, who was too busy being irritated.

"Well well, Thane," Joker chirped. "If we would have known your weakness was beautiful women, we would have exploited that a long time ago."

Thane cleared his throat, regaining his composure with a smile. "I hardly find your description of her appropriate, as I've heard you use the term beautiful to describe the ships handling. However," he said, nodding to Shepard. "I would be lying if I didn't admit that you were stunning, Shepard."

Shepards face turned so red, she suddenly wished she _had_ put make-up on.

"Well, thanks, Thane," she said, clearing her throat.

Garrus heard Shepard's heartbeat speeding up and rolled his neck out to distract himself from how angry he was getting. They had a dangerous mission to tackle and Thane was obviously making her uncomfortable, right?

"I see you are ready, Commander," Samara said, stepping out of Observation. "You look wonderful."

"Alright," she said, letting her hands hit her legs. "Enough with the compliments, Jiminy Christmas. I'm going to put pants on."

"Don't be ridiculous, Commander," Kenneth whined. "You look smokin' hot."

"Well I_ feel_ like an idiot."

"Man, you're going to have to beat men away from you with a _stick_ in there."

"That's if I let them get that close," Garrus rumbled, going to her side, keeping his eyes on the green crew member in the room.

"You should probably take your visor off," Shepard said looking up at him. "Targeting visors aren't club-wear."

"Ah, yeah. I forget I even have it on."

"Oi. This is such a bad idea," she whined, holding her forehead in her hand.

* * *

><p>Without any kind of communication between them, Garrus stayed alert, keeping his eyes on the entrance to the club, watching for Shepard. He was concentrating on looking casual, which usually isn't something you're supposed to concentrate on, when he was interrupted by a half-naked human asking him to dance.<p>

"Sorry," he said, waving a hand. "I'm waiting for someone."

He saw Shepard come in the hallway entrance, all her meek embarrassment gone, taking those same confident steps she always took. She was hard not to look at, and Garrus took note of all the different eyes falling on her as she made her way through the club. He could tell she was glancing around trying to locate him, but couldn't, as he had picked a rather dark spot at the back where he could overlook the whole club. Not only to keep his eyes on Shepard, but maybe help her locate the target, and more quickly put an end to this charade.

Shepard saw a turian holding one of the dancers by her forearm, who was struggling to get away. She didn't hesitate to put herself between the offender and the girl. The turian raised his hand to smack her, but Shepard caught it and quickly jabbed him in the tender, exposed part of his side where there was no plating. He buckled over in pain.

_Hah_, Garrus thought._ I taught her that. _

He laughed as he watched Shepard realize she was on the dance floor. She rolled out her neck and leaned against the wall she was near, bobbing her head with the music. Another asari, but not one that worked there, approached her, swinging her hips.

Shepard nodded to her in greeting and the girl quickly took Shepard by the hands and dragged her along the dance floor. He could see Shepard sneering as the girl turned away to pull her.

She obviously was not a dancer. She just swayed back and forth, shifting her weight between her feet. Garrus laughed. This obviously wasn't something she enjoyed. The asari girl said something to her and Shepard laughed, tossing her hair back with a flick of her head.

He told himself that she looked ridiculous, trying to distract from how her shoulders and hips were moving, how she would turn her head and expose her throat, how her smile lit up her face. The moment he realized he had started growling was also the moment he realized something was very wrong with him. This was _Shepard_ he was suddenly thinking about.

He shook his head, trying to snap himself out of it, when he saw her. Morinth, the target. She was a dead ringer for Samara, but wearing all black, and scanning the dance floor. She was leaning against a wall, turning her head this way and that as she observed. When Shepard dismissed herself from the asari's company, Morinth didn't make her move. They needed something to really get her attention so they could get the hell out of here. Garrus decided to step in.

_This is a terrible idea_, he thought.

* * *

><p><em>God damn it,<em> Shepard thought, keeping her calm demeanor._ Stupid blue lesbians. Stupid club. Stupid Samara. Garrus must be, just, loving the spectacle I'm making of myself. _

She pushed her way through the crowd, trying to escape the dance floor, when a large hand grabbed hers and pulled her backward hard. She had to subdue her reflexes to punch whoever was pulling her and let them make their move. If she hit first, she would get thrown out and all this torment would be for nothing. So she allowed herself to be pulled backwards, into the chest of a large turian.

"I found her," said a very familiar rumbling voice in her ear. He raised his hand to hold her by the side of her throat and had lowered his face next to hers.

Her heart leaped in her throat and she was suddenly very grateful even Garrus' superior hearing wouldn't be able to hear her heart pounding under the base.

_Okay, Shepard,_ she told herself. _Keep it together. Don't lose your shit, god damn it. Keep it together._

"Where," she said trying to look irritated by the advance of, what should be, a stranger.

"Behind me," he said. His mandibles fluttered against her throat and she felt her insides shutter and swallowed down the urge to enjoy the feeling. It was all fake. A means of getting the job done. She took the cue to bat his hand away and turn to face him. She searched the crowed behind him but couldn't spot anything. She spared a moment to try and command her heart to stop beating so fast.

He put a hand on the small of her back and pulled her into him, then turned them both, slightly.

"Your two o'clock," he said. "Leaning against the back wall. Don't look for Morinth, look for Samara."

She shoved him away and pointed at him like she was threatening him. She didn't really know what he meant by look for Samara until she saw her. "Holy hell," she said looking up at him, still maintaining the act. "It looks just like her."

Garrus put his hands up defensively. "I know," he said with a smile. "You've got to get her attention."

"Okay so now what? I get rid of you?"

"That's the idea. Do you remember how to do this?"

She scoffed and tossed her hair out of her eyes, sinking back into a hip.

"Please, if turian flipping were a sport I'd have a metal in it by now."

And with that, Garrus lunged at her, his open talon advancing on her throat. She grabbed his forearm in both hands and stepped over his leg, spinning, and hurling him over her head. She felt him jump, making it easier to lift him, and he crashed onto the flat of his back. A bunch of people around her cheered at her.

"Thanks for the help," she said, smiling down at him.

"I can totally see up your skirt," he shot back. She lightly tapped the side of his face with her pointy part of her high-heel and he winced. The guards came to escort him out and apologized to her. She waved them off and thanked them for their help as she made her way off the dance floor.

"Hey," the asari said, approaching her. "I'm Morinth."

* * *

><p>Garrus walked with Samara, following Shepard's tracking beacon absently. They both remained silent and worrying the whole time, though each of them were worried about completely different things. Samara worried for Shepard's safety, worried for the possibility that Morinth might escape again. As for Garrus, well...<p>

He was worried about his sanity.

It had all been an act in the club. At least it was supposed to be. But you can't fake that kind of reaction. He had felt her heart racing as soon as she realized it was him behind her, felt her shutter under his touch. And he could pretend all he wanted, but he couldn't deny the way his body had reacted to the feel of her throat in his hand, against his face.

He needed a cold shower.

Shepard had told the crew they were getting forty-eight hours of leave after they finished Samara's business. It might be a good opportunity for him to blow off some steam. If Shepard was doing this to him, then it's obvious he was more tightly wound than he thought he was.

His omni-tool beeping woke him from his daze.

* * *

><p>"I'm as strong as her, I can help you," Morinth said.<p>

"I am already sworn to help you, Shepard," Samara shouted. "Let us finish this!"

"I… Sam I can't…"

"Shepard, you know what it's like to be abandoned by your parents!" Morinth said. "We… We're kindred spirits! Help me!"

That was the moment Shepard truly realized just how dangerous this asari was. She looked over at Garrus, who was standing in the door of the apartment. And in that way he always did, he read her thoughts from her face, and nodded at her.

_It's okay, Shepard._

Shepard grabbed Morinths arm, interrupting her biotic stream.

"I'm sorry, Morinth," Shepard said.

"And they call _me_ the monster," was all she got to say before Samara blasted her across the room.

Samara straddled her, saying a small prayer, before firing the heel of her hand into Morinths jaw, snapping her neck. For the first time since she could remember, Shepard looked away as someone was killed in front of her.

"It is finished," Samara said, standing. "Are you ready to leave?"

"I uh.." Sheppard cleared her throat. "Are you okay, Sam? That couldn't have been easy."

"What do you want me to say, Shepard," Samara said looking down at her dead daughter. "I just killed the bravest and smartest of my daughters. It is a feeling that I cannot put into words. Have pity on an old warrior, and let us leave."

Shepard tapped her foot and a shiver went through her.

"You wanna go get hammered?" She asked finally.

Samara turned to look over her shoulder, staring at the Commander, weighing whether or not she was serious.

"Yes," she said finally. "I think I would."

Shepard smiled apologetically and patted her on the shoulder as they left the apartment.


	27. Miscalculated

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* * *

><p>The crew all filtered into the main club of Afterlife once their leave had officially started. Kelly and Kasumi intercepted Shepard on her way back to the ship and linked arms with her, insisting that she should stay in the dress until they all went back. She just rolled her eyes and reluctantly agreed, resolving to sneak out and change as soon as the opportunity presented itself. The three of them went to the bar downstairs to meet up with everyone, and Shepard saw Garrus engaged in conversation with a pretty turian girl. She tried not to let it bother her. She kept reminding herself that they were friends, that it all had been an act, and she had prepared for this eventuality. After all, <em>he<em> wasn't the one with a defective love life, so he was going to meet a girl sooner or later.

_It's better than watching him walk away, _she told herself.

She needed a drink.

The girls quickly fluttered away, probably to go see Thane. Purely speculation since they disappeared in the crowd. Shepard thought she should use this opportunity to sneak back to the ship, but she was already at the bar, and decided to get a drink first.

"I'll take a shot," she said to the batarian.

"You got it, human," he said, pouring her something blue and sliding it to her. She rose the drink to her lips but a large hand went over the top of her glass, stopping her. She froze there for a moment with some strange turian hand against her lips, and she thought about punching him.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the turian said.

He took the drink out of Shepard's hand and set it back down on the bar.

"Oh," she said leaning on the bar. "And why's that?"

"This bartender doesn't particularly like humans. I found out last night he's been systematically poisoning each one that comes to his bar."

"Is that so," she said, her eyes falling on the batarian.

"That's ridiculous," the batarian protested, backing up a few steps. "How would I make any money?"

"If it's not true, then you drink it, Forvan," the turian said. "I'll even buy it for you."

"What...no... I- I can't."

Shepard sank back into a hip and her jaw set as she bit back a sneer. Forvan proceeded to high-tail it out of the bar, security hot on his heels.

"That was awful kind of you," she said to the turian, dressed all in red. "It appears I owe you one."

"Well I'm not one for debts, but in your case I might have to take you up on that." His mandibles fluttered in a grin as he held his hand out to her. "Ogrinn Deratta," he said.

"Jane Shepard," she replied, shaking his hand.

"Jane Shepard," he said. "_The _Jane Shepard? The human specter?"

"Agh," she rubbed the back of her neck. "That would be me."

"Well," he said, leaning back against the bar casually. "The reports certainly don't do you justice."

"Well I'm a little... out of my element currently."

"Could have fooled me," he said. "What brings you to Omega, Ma'am?"

"Supplies, mostly," she lied. "Ship can't run on charm and good looks."

"Well, if it did, you certainly wouldn't ever have to stop."

"Ohh," she said with a small laugh. "Cheesy."

"Yeah I know. What do you want from me? I don't have anything prepared."

His mandibles clicked in a grin as he laughed, the intricate white markings on his face moving, his bright green eyes studying her. He was certainly handsome, he couldn't hold a candle to Garrus, but he had his own flirt-fest going on and so she ignored the thought. Still, she was in no mood to appease the advances of some stranger, and tried to figure out a reason to excuse herself. She couldn't remember the last time she was courted in a bar. Hell she couldn't remember the last time she was _on her own_ in a bar. Garrus and her had always stayed side by side, pretending to be together to avoid this very situation. She figured the appalled looks they had gotten on the Citadel for being the turian/human couple were not going to be seen here on Omega.

She rubbed the back of her neck. This might prove difficult.

* * *

><p>The girl chatting up Garrus was certainly beautiful. Her skin was a bright pink and her faceplates were a stark white, with elegant orange markings. She had bright silver eyes and it was only minutes before her pheromones had made themselves apparent to Garrus. She was more or less throwing herself at him, and yet he stopped listening to whatever she was saying as soon as the stranger had approached Shepard. It was taking all his concentration to listen to what he was saying to her, but he was still only catching bits and pieces. Even without that, it was pretty obvious he was hitting on her, the way his mandibles moved, his overall body language. He wondered why Shepard hadn't gotten rid of him yet. He watched as she reached up to rub the back of her neck, which Garrus noticed she only did when she was nervous or was having a conversation that made her uncomfortable, so it was time to step in.<p>

_Stubborn human, _he thought as he stood. _Too kind for your own good. _

Without a word to the girl who had been putting forth great pains to engage him in conversation, he crossed the 15 feet or so to where Shepard was. He put a hand on her hip from behind as he came to her side, nuzzling the side of her head with his face, keeping his eyes on the stranger.

"I thought you were going to get us drinks," he said to her.

"Oh… I uh.." Shepard cleared her throat. "Ogrinn here saved me from drinking poison from some batarian and chased him off."

"Well then," Garrus said, holding his hand out to him. "It would seem I owe you my thanks."

It was not a friendly gesture, and Ogrinn knew it, but shook Garrus' hand anyway. He made it clear he wasn't backing down.

"Not a problem. When a beautiful woman is in trouble, well. It's hard to just stand by and watch."

"Is that how you met your bond mate?" Garrus asked.

"His what?" Shepard said.

"My what?" Ogrinn said.

"Look at his hood," Garrus said. "Generally when a turian goes out looking for females, it's customary to show off your shoulder ridge, thusly exposing your unmarked throat, like so." Garrus motioned a hand to his own outfit. "The only reason you'd be wearing that hood, is to cover up your bond marks."

"Is that so," Shepard said with a smirk, sinking into a hip. "Well you learn something every day, I suppose."

Ogrinn cleared his throat. "So," he said, anxious to change the subject. "The great Commander Shepard has a thing for turians, then? I'm surprised this wasn't in a gossip column somewhere. How long have you two been together?"

Garrus and Shepard spoke at the same time, but said completely different things.

"A year and a half," Shepard said.

"Almost four years," Garrus said.

Ogrinn's mandibles clicked in a smile as Garrus and Shepard looked at each other.

"Four years?" Shepard said, smiling. "What, are you counting the two years I was dead?"

"Of course I am. You don't?"

"Why would I? It's not like we were _together _those two years."

Garrus lifted the hand that had been on her hip to comb her hair behind her ear.

"Weren't we?" he said.

All the humor dropped out of Shepard's face and she swallowed. Garrus suddenly felt like he had crossed some sort of line, taking the joke just a step too far. He cleared his throat and took Shepard's forearm and pulled her past him, urging her out of the conversation.

"Well," he said to Ogrinn as Shepard walked away. "It's been nice talking with you, but we'll be going."

"If you're smart," Ogrinn said under his breath. "You'd do well to mark that one soon, because until then she's fair game."

Garrus, after making sure Shepard was out of ear shot, stepped to the turian. He kept his voice low, but was so close to him that he knew his words would be easily heard.

"Shepard is not someone you _claim,_" he said. "She is not a trophy."

And with that, he turned to follow Shepard.

* * *

><p>"Do you want something to drink?" Garrus asked as he approached Shepard at the table.<p>

"Whiskey. Neat."

"You got it."

Just as soon as Garrus had left, Jack toppled into the chair across from Shepard.

"I totally think I'm gonna fuck him tonight," Jack said, leaning her head drunkenly on her hand.

"Who, Garrus?" Shepard asked, more entertained than anything.

"Hell yeah, who else?"

"I thought you had a thing for Thane."

The biotic scoffed and sank back into her chair, gesturing towards the other side of the club where Thane and Samara were sitting silently together.

"He's too busy being depressing with Bluey to be any fun. _OH I'm so tragic and dark and mysterious. _Fuck. How am I supposed to maintain a lady-boner when he keeps talking about his dead wife?"

Shepard laughed as Garrus made his way back with something green in one hand, and her whiskey in the other.

"Where the fuck's my drink," Jack said teasingly.

"Firstly," Garrus said turning to her, putting the drinks on the table. "You weren't here when I was taking orders. Secondly, you've either had too many already, or you always sound like an idiot."

"You don't have to play hard-to-get, Gary," she said with a grin.

"Ugh, please don't call me that," he groaned, taking a seat next to Shepard.

"Even I thought that was weird, and I always give him shit," Shepard offered.

"Yeah, too much," Jack conceded. "It didn't even feel right coming out of my mouth."

"If I had a credit every time a woman said _that_ to me," Garrus said raising his glass like a toast to himself.

They all laughed.

* * *

><p>That was the only drink they had managed to have before chaos started breaking out. Jack, after a few more drinks, was trying to fight just about everyone that came in contact with her, which Shepard tried to regulate before Jack got effectively thrown out of the bar. Thane had to defend Mordin when the salarian had diagnosed a turian's date with a sexually transmitted disease in idle conversation, which Shepard stepped in to defuse. And on top of all that, Tali, Kelly, and Gabby all needed carrying back to the ship. Shepard took Tali, and Garrus helped with the other two, throwing each over a shoulder like sacks of potatoes, a drunken Kasumi close in tow and carrying Shepard's high heels.<p>

"No more," Shepard said angrily. "I'm never giving shore leave ever again. Ever. Ever again."

Garrus laughed.

"Come on, Commander," he teased. "It's not that bad."

"God, they're like children. Stupid children."

"I'm not stupid," Tali mumbled, half asleep.

"I know Tali, shut up and sleep."

"Nē, Taichou," Kasumi slurred. "Garrus-san wa aishiteimasu ka?"

"Damare, Baka!" Shepard said hurriedly, as if Garrus could understand her.

"I'm pretty sure I just heard my name somewhere in that mess," Garrus said, looking down at Shepard curiously.

"Goto thinks you're sexy," Shepard lied.

"Uwaaaa?" Kasumi said with a stumble. "Uso, Taichou. Uso!"

Once everyone got put in their quarters Garrus, figuring Shepard had turned in, went to the Battery to do the same. He stopped short when he saw a very passed out, very _naked_, Jack in his bed.

"Well," he said, as he pulled a fast one-eighty out of the room. "That's something I'll never be able to un-see."

He shuddered.

Garrus wouldn't dare move her down into her quarters in Engineering, not while she was naked. And Jack.

"EDI," he said. "Tell Shepard I'm coming up. I think I have to crash on her couch."

"I will relay the message," she said. But before he had made it all the way to the elevator she had replied. "The Commander has requested that you, quote, 'bring booze'."

Garrus laughed and headed back to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"So what," Shepard said laughing, sipping her drink. "She was just spread-eagle naked?"<p>

"No, Ugh," he shuddered again. "Spirits, no. She was face down. Lucky she has so many markings it was hard to make anything out but the sound of her snoring."

"Oh God," she said putting a hand on her head as she laughed. "I should have warned you, she had mentioned she was going to make a play for it."

"Yeah, thanks for the back up."

They laughed.

"Hey," she said with an embarrassed smile, tapping him in the leg with her foot. "Thanks for the save,"

"We haven't need to put on _that _show for years."

"Old tricks are the best tricks," she said with a smile.

"Well you don't need to thank me. I could tell he was giving you trouble, it's as simple as that."

"Still." She looked at her feet as she kicked them in the air idly. "I'm sorry you felt you had to trade your date to come play hero."

"Yeah well... wait, what? Date?"

She made an awkward gesture with her hand before putting it back under her.

"That pretty turian that was chatting you up in the bar. You seemed to be enjoying yourself before you had to come and save me."

"I'm a good actor then," he said with a laugh, laying his head on the back of the couch to look up at the ceiling. "Spirits, it was like trying to hold a conversation with the drywall."

"Well," she said "Good to know I'm not the only one who isn't going to get any tonight."

"I'm sure if you tried there would be plenty to volunteer."

She waved a hand dismissively.

"Nah, I'm kind of over that whole mess. I've said it before: it just complicates things."

"I know what you mean. I don't know what's wrong with me. Years ago, I didn't care if they could hold a conversation or not. Now it's just," he sighed. "Maybe I'm softening."

"Or maybe you're going through that stage Asari go through... what's it called?"

"The matron stages?"

"Yeah," she said with a snap of her fingers. "That. Maybe you're going through the male equivalent. Patron stages? Do those exist? Maybe you just need to get a bond mate and have some kids. It's the universe telling you it's time to settle down."

"Oi," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I will admit that casual sex doesn't hold the same appeal it used to, but let's not go making any decisions about my future. You'd have me picking out curtains and teething logs before the Reapers even get here."

"What?" she burst out laughing, almost spilling her drink on her bed.

"What? What's so funny?"

"What in the fruit-bat-fuck is a teething log?" she spat out between bursts of laughter.

Garrus, grinning at the sight of her laughing so hard, raised his hands and made his palms face each other about a foot apart. "It's a piece of wood for infants. You know, you give it to them when their fangs start coming in so they have something to chew on and suss out the pain."

"Oh god," she said, trying to catch her breath. "That sounds like something you give a dog when they're puppies."

"Well that's easy for you to say, you humans with your flat teeth. What do you know?"

"We give our infants pacifiers."

"You call it a pacifier? Hah!"

"Hey, shut up, it makes perfect sense! It's _pacifies _the babies incessant crying! They're made of rubber and they suck or chew on it when they're teething."

"Yeeeeahh. Our infants first set of fangs would tear through a piece of rubber like it was meat."

"Well then it's a good thing your kind don't breast feed."

"Yeah, I suppose that's a good point."

After they had both finally stopped, Shepard wiped a tear from her eye and tilted her head to the side, studying his face.

"Hey," she said pointing to the side of her own face to illustrate. "Your bandage is coming off."

He put his hand to his face and patted around. Sure enough, the front of it had started peeling back. "Well that can't be good," he said.

"Doesn't that mean it's time to come off?"

"I don't know I've never had a face bandage before."

"Then how'd you get that ugly?"

"Ha-ha," he said standing. "I'm taking a look in your mirror."

She tried to see in but he had disappeared around the corner.

"Is it still all bloody and wound-y?"

"Wound-y?" he teased from the bathroom. "Is that a medical term?"

"Yeah cuz I went to fucking medical school."

He laughed.

"No. I suppose you experts would call it Scar-y."

"God, you're a dick. Do you need me to wake up Chakwas, so you can go get it re-bandaged?"

"No I think it's good," he said as he came out, rubbing that side of his face. "It's weird. I've gotten so used to having it I feel naked."

"New visor, new face. You're a whole new man, Garrus Vakarian," she said as he took his seat next to her on the bed again.

"Yeah great. I liked the old me just fine."

"Jesus," she said finally getting a good look at it. She put her hand on his face and turned his head so she could see it in the light. The bright pink of the scar lit up the side of his face, its edges like that of a starburst. The tendrils went in every direction, some through the edges of his markings, some dipping across his throat. "That's quite a scar you've got on you now."

"Wrex will be so proud of me," he said with a laugh.

She moved her hand to run the pads of her fingers along the length of the bright pink mark, a severity coming over her face. The silence hung in the air, and Garrus swallowed. The touch was cool on his face and his mandibles clicked unconsciously.

"This… Does it still hurt?" she asked softly, sounding more concerned than she ought for a scar that was almost 6 months old.

"No," was all he said, studying her face.

She cleared her throat, suddenly very awkward in the situation. She pulled her hand away and laughed, picking her drink back up.

"Well good to know you'll at least be able to get a krogan girl now," she teased, kicking back the rest of her drink.

"Oh good," Garrus said, leaning onto his elbow on the bed. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

She laughed nervously, before pouring herself another drink.

"Hey," he said.

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking about what you said the other night. About totally giving up on relationships and whatever."

"Oi," She said, leaning back on her elbow. "Why? We really don't need a post-mortem of that conversation."

"You act like you don't even want to try."

"Maybe I don't. I mean what's the point in worrying about it now, right? We're all probably gonna die anyway." She laughed and looked down into her glass. "I mean, I guess I've always wondered what it felt like to have someone look you in the eyes and promise you forever. But, you know. What's the point in dreaming about that _now?" _

"I guess that's a good point, what with the Reapers coming to harvest us all soon."

They laughed again and Shepard laid her head down on the bed, still holding a drink in her hand.

"Still," Garrus said after a long moment of silence. "I don't think you should give up."

She turned her head to look at him with an entertained smirk.

"Why not?"

"Well, I was raised to believe that there is someone out there for everyone. I'm pretty sure humans are familiar with the idea of soul-mates. Well we take that a little more literally than humans, apparently. But that doesn't mean it's not true. Just because you haven't met him yet, doesn't mean he's not out there."

"Why, who would have thought that Archangel, the dark angel of Omega, would be rolling over and showing me his soft little underbelly."

"Shut up," he snapped, good-naturedly. "I'm serious."

"Why are you pressing this?"

"Because as much as I hate him, Krios was right. We all want to see you made happy." He thought then of the drell and the way his eyes lingered on Shepard. He cringed. " Just… stick to your own species."

Shepard frowned and looked back at the ceiling, fingering her drink.

"Yeah…" she said.

Garrus sighed. She must really care for that green son-of-a-bitch if that was all it took to make her upset. He wondered, almost idly, if that was really what she wanted.

"You know," he said. "I heard somewhere that drell make humans hallucinate after contact."

"And by 'heard' of course you mean that you looked it up."

"I did no such thing," he lied with a smile. "It was simply a rumor I heard once."

"God," she said, beaming a grin as she sat up. "What is it like to be so profoundly full of shit?"


	28. Nostalgia

_**PermaNote:**_

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><em><strong>Roarkshop.<strong>_  
><em><strong>Website: www(dot)roarkshop(dot)net<strong>_

* * *

><p>They went on like that, laughing and chatting into the wee hours of the morning, which was when Garrus had fallen asleep. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, her feet on the ground, looking at him. She sighed and fought the urge to feel the scar on his face again, just to have an excuse to touch him. She had never seen him <em>fall <em>asleep before. The few times he had fallen asleep in her quarters she was the one to doze first. It was an odd thing, a sleeping predator. He looked so calm, peaceful. The sound rumbling through him was more akin to a purr than a growl. It definitely wasn't snoring. Though maybe, to turians, it was. She didn't know. She didn't care either. As she watched him sleep for a few more long moments, she was only sure of one thing:

She was absolutely crazy about him.

_Just… stick to your own species, _he had said.

She sighed and got up as slowly as she could, turning the light off next to the bed before turning to sneak to the couch, when a large hand grabbed hers.

"Where you goin?" he rumbled.

"I'm gonna get on the couch and let you sleep," she whispered. Why she was still whispering now that he was awake, she didn't know. She couldn't see a thing as her eyes adjusted to the dark.

"That's ridiculous, Shepard," he yawned. "This is your bed, you sleep here and I'll sleep on the couch."

"No no, don't get up, it's fine. I'm already up."

"I'm tired enough that I might be able to out-stubborn you this time," he said. She certainly couldn't see him, but she could hear that he was smiling.

"Garrus, seriously. Go back to sleep. I'll be fine."

"How about a compromise," he said before pulling her across him.

"Wh-augh!" was all she managed to say as she fell across him. She landed on the other side of him, on her back, with his arm across her chest. "How is this a compromise?" She said finally.

"No one sleeps on the couch. Everyone wins."

"Oh the Doc is gonna just _love_this if she comes in the morning."

"It won't be the first time she's found you asleep in my arms," he said as he started drifting again.

"Touche'," she said with a sigh, trying to make her heart stop beating so fast. _Shut up, shut up, shut up!_ She commanded herself. _Don't you know he can hear you? Are you trying to sabotage me, you stupid thing? _

"Shepard," he purred softly. "You can calm down, I'm not going to try anything."

She cleared her throat and tried to recover.

"Easy for you to say, Mr. 'I-can-see-perfectly-fine-in-the-dark'," she said with a laugh. "Jesus, you scared the bajeezies out of me."

"Ah yeah, sorry about that."

Long. Painful. Silent moments passed.

"Hey, what's a bajeebie?"

She laughed.

* * *

><p>Garrus noticed her scent before his eyes even opened. When they finally did, the red of her hair was the first thing he saw. He was still in her bed, laying on his side, with her back against him. He had his arm across her waist, resting his hand on the other side of her. Her head was resting on a pillow over his bottom arm. He realized, as his awareness came back little by little, that under the pillow her hand was in his.<p>

He fought the urge to panic.

Something was seriously wrong with him. He was _supposed _to be using shore leave as a means to blow off some steam before they left Omega. But, even as tightly wound as he was, he hadn't been able to trigger anything. The girl that had chatted him up in the bar was beautiful, more than willing, and an incredibly easy target. Her pheromones alone would have been enough to get his body to react had it been a year or two ago. What was wrong with him? Since when was a night of passion between strangers worth trading to hang out with your best friend on a couch?

On what planet does that make sense?

Maybe he was over thinking it. He had always preferred Shepard's company to some random strangers. Was it really so hard to believe that he would rather spend as much time with her as he could? Hell, she was dead for two years, he was still playing catch up. And even now, more than six months after she came back, he still couldn't break the urge to leave her side. Like at any minute a life or death situation would throw itself at her and he wouldn't be there to stop it. Again.

So it was normal. It was still too soon to risk. That was why he was so protective of her. That was why she had him so on edge.

…right?

She made a small moan in her sleep as she tossed, nuzzling her head against the pillow and squirming under his arm.

He smiled.

The only thing he could think was that it should have been _weird _right? He shouldn't be okay with this. Not like he was. Had this happened years ago he would be freaking out. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It wasn't supposed to be so... so... _right_. Was it?

But why not? Nothing had happened. Like he had said, it wasn't the first time. They were so close now that he could fling her over his shoulder without getting killed, surely this wasn't a big deal anymore. But he didn't want it to be awkward. She had said enough times that their friendship was too important to screw up. Plus he remembered how terrified she had been when he pulled her down. She had even tried to play it off like she had been startled, but he knew better.

Was she really that afraid of him?

He exhaled through his nose and debated whether or not he should stay until she woke up, or try and sneak out. Which would be less awkward? Which would need _less _explanation?

That's when her alarm went off.

It startled her so hard that she jumped, and turned, elbowing him right in the face.

"Wagh!" he yelped.

"Oh Jesus, Garrus!" she said sitting up, turning to him. "I totally forgot you were there."

"Son of a bitch," he cursed, sitting up, holding the side of his face. "What, are you expecting an air raid? Spirits, that hurt!"

"Oh god," she said holding her stomach, laughing. "I'm sorry."

"Good morning to you too," he said. They both laughed for a few minutes before her alarm went off again and she reached past him to turn it off on the side table.

"It's been a while since I woke up next to someone," she confessed, still coming down from the laughter.

"Yeah, I saw that," he said, pushing her in the shoulder as he stood. She fell onto her back again, laughing. "Hell of a way to start a day," he scoffed, pretending to still be angry. "I'm using your shower now, and you can't stop me."

She was still laughing when he closed the door to her bathroom.

* * *

><p>"I see that the Battery is empty," Tali said from across the table. Shepard thought that if the quarian didn't have a mask on, she'd be able to see how she was wagging her eyebrows.<p>

"It's not," Shepard said, sipping her tea. "Jack is still passed out naked in there."

Tali replied with a startled coughing fit.

Laughing, Shepard explained what had happened, though chose to leave out the part about sleeping in Garrus' arms. She didn't want to get Tali's hopes up. Or maybe it was her own hopes she was afraid of dashing. Either way, as she sat in the empty Mess Hall with Tali, she was just glad to have a normal conversation about it.

"So," Shepard said as she casually ran a finger along the lip of her mug. "I got a message yesterday from Kal'Reegar about you."

"You did!" Tali squealed, almost falling out of her chair as she clasped onto the table.

"Ah-HAH!" Shepard said pointing at her. "I knew it!"

"Wha…I…"

"Gotcha," Shepard said. "It was actually from your dad, approving your transfer to the Normandy. But I _knew _you had a thing for him."

"Honestly," Tali said, her hands turning into fists on the table. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"I don't know… It's like you can read my emotions through my mask."

"It's a gift," Shepard said with a shrug. "Have you talked to him lately?"

Tali sighed and shook her head before leaning it on her hand. "Not since I asked him if he had recovered from Haestrom."

"Tali that was months ago."

"I know."

"Seriously, you should at least _attempt _to contact him. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Look who's talking, Jane," Tali said, gesturing a hand at Shepard. "At least I have the excuse that the one I want isn't on the same ship as-"

"Ksssshhhhh!" Shepard said urgently, planting her hands over the speaker on Tali's helmet. "What's the matter with you?" She whispered harshly.

Shepard felt the speaker vibrate as Tali spoke, but couldn't really make out what she was saying.

"Quit your yammering, woman!" She said, still whispering. "I will not mess up the only thing _right _about my life."

Tali nodded and Shepard could tell she was sorry for having brought it up.

"Besides," Shepard said in her normal voice, sitting back in her chair. "_You_ have the added bonus of the one you want wanting you back."

* * *

><p>"I…I do?" Garrus heard Tali ask from the open elevator door.<p>

"Yes," Shepard said. "You know my talent for reading helmets. Just trust me on this one."

Standing in the empty elevator, Garrus hadn't heard the whole conversation, but had heard enough to confirm his fears about Shepard and the drell. Whatever it was she whispered to Tali to get her to stop talking was, more or less, irrelevant. Her reaction, and what she had said after that… it was enough.

As he stood there he wondered why he was so bothered by it. He had just finished telling her he wanted to see her happy. What kind of friend was he? Regardless that he still didn't trust Krios, if he had what Shepard needed to be happy then why the hell should he have a problem? He rubbed the back of his neck and resolved himself to stop being so stupid about it.

After all, it's not like they would stop being friends, right?

* * *

><p>Shepard seemed to be in the highest of spirits the rest of the day.<p>

While the crew spent the day in various states of repair, she designated a few hours where they needed to get supplies. She sent Gabby and Kelly in one direction and her and Garrus went another. Omega may not have had the nicest supplies, but they were definitely cheap, and they got the job done. Garrus lingered in a window for a weapons shop, which made Shepard laugh.

"Didn't I just buy you a new scope?" She teased.

"Well yeah," he said. "But now my scope is better than my rifle. We can't have that, now, can we?"

Shepard laughed and told him to meet her in the Medical District.

As she braved the streets of Omega alone, her eyes danced between the signs, looking for the specific store Mordin had given her the name of. Though he had said it so fast she wasn't sure if it was all one word or not.

"Commander Shepard?" said an unfamiliar voice from off to the side. When she turned to see who it was, she was forced to freeze in her tracks. Even if she didn't recognize his face from the vids, she still would have known who it was.

Those eyes, she'd know those eyes anywhere.

"M-Mr. Vakarian?" She said, feeling awkward standing at attention in her captains casuals.

"Oh, so you know me," he said. He shifted his weight and looked her up and down, just like his son had done all those years ago.

"Of course, sir," she said. "Even if I hadn't seen the vids of you taking down Gorgen Berkitor's whole syndicate, my closest friend seems to be the spitting image of you."

"Yes, well, you're something of a legend yourself," he said coldly. It obviously wasn't a compliment. "First human specter, Hero of the Citadel..."

"And so _pretty_," came a kinder, gentler voice from behind him. A beautiful girl with pearl white face plates and the same fierce blue eyes, peeked out from behind her father. The white of her plates made the familiar deep blue markings stark on her face. Her skin was several shades pinker than both her father and brother, but the resemblance was impossible not to see. "I'm Solana," she said reaching out a friendly hand. "Garrus' little sister."

"Of course, ma'am," Shepard said with a bright smile, shaking the girls hand. "I've heard so much about you, Ms. Vakarian."

"None of it's true," she said with a laugh. "Is Garrus with you?"

"He is, ma'am," she said. "Though not immediately, he's a few stores back."

"Figures," Teryk said. "I suspected if the rumors about you being alive were true he would have jumped at the chance to chase you around the galaxy again."

"It's an honor to have him on my team, sir."

"I'm sure it is, Spectre," he spat. "I imagine you get quite the kick out of having a turian on your vessel. I'd wager he's the only one on the whole _boat _who knows any real operational discipline."

"He's the perfect soldier, sir."

"I don't know what goes through his head," Teryk said. He put his hands behind his back and started to circle her. "You don't seem very extraordinary to me."

"Daddy," Solana chided. "Don't be rude."

"It's alright, ma'am. I understand his dislike for the Spectre's," Shepard said, smiling at the girl before looking back to Teryk, all the humor gone from her eyes. "I'm also used to being underestimated."

"Is that so," he said, his mandibles clicking in aggravation.

"It is, sir. I understand that absolute power corrupts absolutely. I never sought this position, I earned it. I do not look for power, I just do my job."

"No one should be held above the law."

"I do not hold myself above the law, sir."

"Oh? Gallivanting around after geth and who knows what else? You certainly don't _protect_the law."

"My job is to protect _lives, _sir, by whatever means necessary."

He scoffed and waved a hand dismissively.

"No wonder my son is so fond of you. Results-at-all-costs has always been his favorite tactic. I believe that was also the favorite of _Saren Arterius."_

"With all due respect, sir. Did you just compare _Garrus _to _Saren?_"

He took the last step necessary to close the gap between them, looming over her.

"And what if I did, Spectre?"

In an instant the playful human was gone and in her place was the cold, stern, Commander's mask. Her eyes narrowed into a sneer and she fixed them on the bright blue of Teryk's.

"Don't," was all she said.

Teryk looked back and forth between her eyes as if measuring her severity and whether or not it was appropriate. Though, as far as Shepard knew, he could have been determining the most efficient way of killing her on a crowded street. Before Shepard even saw that he was there, Garrus had put himself between them.

"I will kindly ask you to step away from my Commanding Officer," Garrus said with a click of his mandibles, putting a hand on his father's chest and holding his other arm out to urge Shepard behind him protectively.

"Hey, Garrus," Shepard said with a smile, peering around him. "I was just having a nice chat with your family."

"Yeah, Commander," he said sternly. "I can see that."

His scowl only lasted until his sister squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Garrus!" Solana said, resting her head on his shoulder. Shepard took the opportunity to side-step and stand at Garrus' side.

"Hey Sol," he said with a grin, nuzzling his face against the side of her head affectionately. "What are you guys doing here? You _never_leave Council space."

"These salarians we've been in contact with think they have a new treatment for mom. They insisted we meet them here."

"Yes," Teryk interjected, crossing his arms. "Or have you forgotten how ill your mother is?"

"Of course I haven't," Garrus snapped, moving his sister to the side to approach his dad.

"Spirits," Teryk said, grabbing Garrus' face in his hand and turning it. "What in the _hell _happened to your face?"

"The Commander here saved my life after I got hit with a gunship missile."

Teryk exhaled through his nose in frustration. Shepard had to bite down a smile to see the two turians glaring at each other. If Teryk wasn't slightly taller and his markings weren't fading slightly, there'd be no way to tell the two apart.

Well, except the giant scar on Garrus' face.

"So, Commander," Solana said, linking an arm through Shepard's. "Care to take a walk with me?"

"Oh I uh, it'd be a pleasure, ma'am." She turned back to Teryk and gave him a respectful nod of her head. "Sir," she said as a means of excusing herself before turning to leave with Solana.

They could hear the men arguing long after they had walked away.

"I take it this is a rather common occurrence in the Vakarian household?"

"Oh yes," Solana said with a laugh. "They do go on. We'll give them about twenty minutes. After they get all their shouting done they'll be civil again. They really don't realize how similar they are."

"I'll believe that," Shepard said.

"Still, Commander. I'm impressed."

"Ma'am?"

"It's not often someone stands up to my dad like that."

"I wouldn't exactly say I stood up to him, though I'll admit comparing Garrus to Saren did get under my skin."

"He's good at that," she said. "He likes to test people, see how far he can go before they snap or cower in fear. Regardless I think you did a wonderful job putting him in his place."

"Well," Shepard said. "It's good to know I've earned the approval of at least two Vakarians."

"Well my approval is easily earned, I'm afraid. I quite like most people I meet."

"Then it's safe to assume you take after your mother in that regard."

"It's true," Solana said with a laugh. "The Vakarian men have never been easy going. Garrus takes after dad far more than he cares to admit, Commander. But he was always very impressed with you. I've heard so much about you over these past years."

"Well, I hope they were all good things, Ma'am."

"Please, you can drop the military bravado with me, I'm no warrior. I'm a nurse. Call me Solana."

"In that case you're welcome to call me Jane."

"Oh good," Solana said, squeezing Shepard's arm. "That means we're friends now."

Shepard laughed.

"I admit," Shepard said. "It was almost sad to see you two together. He obviously misses you and I wonder if with you is where he really should be."

"I do miss him," the girl sighed. "But no one could ever make Garrus do something he didn't want to do. What you're doing must be important." She waited a beat. "Or he must care for you a great deal."

"I assure you what we're doing is _very_important," Shepard laughed. "I doubt his feelings for me even hold a candle to his feelings for you. Which I think is how it's supposed to be. I don't have any family, but if I did, I'm sure they'd be the most important thing to me. Instead I have Garrus, and he's the closest thing I have to family."

"Well then that makes _us _family," the girl squealed, hugging Shepard's arm.

They both laughed as they continued around the district. They stopped into a small store that seemed to be selling some kind of roasted meat. Solana sniffed the air with a smile as Shepard's stomach tried to turn upside down. Jesus, was this the kind of crap Garrus ate? She heard Solana make a surprised squeak and turned to see what happened.

Shepard's heart sank into her feet.

"Hello, Jane Doe," said the human holding a gun against Solana's head.

"Finch," Shepard replied with a sneer. "Been a long time."


	29. Hijacked

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_**Roarkshop**_

* * *

><p>"Drop it," Finch said, referring to the side arm Shepard had, rather quickly, pulled from her pant leg. Shepard's eyes darted around, trying to judge their surroundings. Besides Finch, there were five others peppered around pointing guns at her, but not firing. The civilians surrounding them had all started to scatter from the scene. Shepard knew help wasn't coming. This was Omega. She suddenly regretted going out in her casuals.<p>

_Well, _she thought with a sneer. _At least I'm not in that horrendous dress._

"I mean it," Finch said, tightening his grip on Solana's mouth, preventing her from screaming. "Don't make me kill this girl, Jane."

"Well that'd be awfully stupid," Shepard said, taking slow steps to her side. "You'd all be dead before she hit the ground."

Solana struggled under the man's grip, trying to say something that was muffled.

"It's okay Solana," Shepard said. "You're going to be fine."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Finch said through clenched teeth, flicking the hammer back on his gun.

"All these years later, Finch, and you're still a rookie. You've made several fatal errors here. Firstly, you and your lackeys back there didn't come in shooting. That, coupled with the fact that you took a hostage, means you need me alive, am I right? I assume whoever is in charge is going to be very, very upset if I'm dead. Since chances are good that you're still a pussy, I'd wager you really don't want that person angry."

His silent frustration answered for him.

"Well," Shepard said, putting the barrel of her gun against the side of her head. "Looks like we both have a hostage."

Solana's eyes widened and she struggled to get away.

"You don't have the guts," Finch spat.

"Don't I?" She sneered. "You think death scares me, Finch? I've already beaten it once. And if you were to give me the choice between pulling this trigger right now or having to tell _her_ brother that she's dead, I won't even hesitate. That girl you're threatening me with is the sister of the only person in this _universe _who means _anything _to me. I will die a _thousand _times before I see him hurt."

"Figures," Finch said. "Still in bed with the aliens."

"Let her go, and I will come along quietly."

"How do I know you won't kill us all after I let her go?"

"You have two options here, Finch," Shepard said through her teeth. "Either every single one of you dies a slow, gruesome death, or _maybe _none of you die. I suggest you choose very, _very _carefully."

"She's right Finch," one of the lackeys said from a distance. "It's not worth the trouble. Just let her go."

Finch scoffed and, keeping his pistol trained on the girl, shoved her at Shepard. Solana stumbled over and Shepard re-trained her pistol on Finch.

"What do we do now?" Solana said, exhaling an angry breath.

"Now, you run," Shepard said.

"What? No. I can't just leave you, Jane. Spirits, Garrus would never forgive me."

"I can take care of myself, Solana. So now I need you to run. I'm the one they need alive, not you. Garrus has already dealt with losing me once, don't make _me _have to suffer through seeing him lose _you._"

Solana didn't say anything. What _could _she say?

"_But_," Shepard continued. "If you've got any kindness for me, when you're telling Garrus about this later, leave out that last part of what I said, okay? About him being the only thing that means anything. I uh…" she cleared her throat. "That'll be our little secret."

"Okay," Solana said, taking slow steps backward. "I understand."

"Thanks," Shepard said, turning her head just enough to see the outline of the girl.

"Enough with the heartfelt goodbye," Finch cursed before sending a round through the arm Shepard was using to hold up her gun, splattering Solana's throat and chest with blood.

"God damn it," Shepard spat, as she struggled to keep her gun up. She should have known better than to take her concentration off the target. Rookie mistake. She fired a couple of stray shots as cover fire, not really paying attention as to whether or not she hit anyone. "Solana, get the hell out of here, **now**!"

Solana turned, and without looking back, sprinted as fast as she could back to her family. Shepard watched her go until she knew she was far enough away to be safe. Then fell to her knees, dropping her gun as she held the wound on her shoulder. Finch rewarded her with a taser to the back of the neck.

And the day had started off so well.

* * *

><p>"Look, Dad," Garrus said, their argument slowly calming into a conversation. "What we're doing out here, it's important. Actually important. Save the galaxy, important. I know it's hard to believe but you know I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't believe that it needed to be done."<p>

"I know, Pup," Teryk said, putting a hand on Garrus' shoulder. "Your mother is in bad shape. It's getting harder and harder to shoulder, watching her deteriorate like she is."

"Yeah. I wish I could be there. And I will be, after we finish this I'll come home, I promise."

"Alright. I know better than to argue with you," he said with a laugh. "It was good to finally meet this Spectre you're so crazy about anyway. Glad I could finally see what all the fuss was about."

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck. "She's certainly something else."

"I like her," his dad said.

"I-what? You do? But, you _hate _Spectres."

"Sure, as an ideal, but she doesn't seem too fond of them either. Besides she didn't back down when I got in her face. Humans usually crumble like stale bread when I advance on them."

"She's definitely not the crumbling type," he said with a laugh.

"She's obviously very fond of _you_," Teryk said.

Garrus tilted his head to the side. It was weird for his dad to say anything even remotely sentimental. But maybe he had picked up on just how much his friendship with Shepard meant to him, and this was his father's way of saying that he supported it. Garrus smiled.

"So, what's this treatment the salarians have for mom? Is it expensive?"

"Yeah, but they said in the meeting they were going to do it gratis. Some anonymous donor gave them a bunch of research material so they're anxious to try it."

"Oh," Garrus rubbed his neck. "That's great then."

"Yeah. I'm going to take Sol back to the Citadel for a few days. She needs a vacation."

"You don't have to get back?"

"We have your mother put up for the week as the salarians do whatever it is they do. There's really not much we can do so I figured Sol could use the time to rest. She puts on a brave face but… I don't know, Pup. I know it can't be easy on her."

"Well you know her," Garrus said. "Can't get her to do what you want, and you can't get her to stop doing what she wants."

"Hah, that's certainly true. She has her mother's stubbornness." Teryk exhaled through his nose before checking his omni-tool for the time. "So how long is this...Collector thing going to take? There's virtually no information on the Collectors, how exactly do you-"

More gunshots rang out, and Teryk flinched.

"I hate this station," he said under his breath.

"Wait..." Garrus said, looking off to his right. "Isn't that the direction that..."

Teryk sensed his son's apprehension.

"Spirits," Teryk said, breaking into a full sprint in that direction, followed very closely by Garrus. "Why did you let them go off alone?" He cursed. "You know how dangerous this station is."

"She's with Shepard, Dad. I'm sure there's no..."

"Garrus!" Solana called out as she saw him down the wards. Her chest was covered in crimson as she ran.

"Oh god. That's Shepard's _blood_," Garrus said as they met up with her, the panic rising in his chest.

"Solana," Teryk said. "What the hell happened?"

"It's Jane," Solana panted, grasping onto his arms and trying to pull him in the direction she had come from. "She made them let me go and they _shot _her, Garrus."

He didn't need to hear the rest as he sprinted ahead of his family, slamming his hand into his omni-tool.

"EDI!" he shouted into it. "We have an emergency, everyone needs to report back to the Normandy on the double."

"Very well," she said. "I will summon the rest of the crew."

He came up on Shepard's abandoned gun and metal omni-tool bracelet surrounded by small puddles of her blood. He followed the scent, seeing a drop every three or four feet until he came up on an empty hangar.

Garrus stared at the empty hangar; As if he could glare them back to the station. His breath was huffing from him so fast and so hard he sounded like a freight train. Every ounce of energy and strength was dedicated to keeping himself under control, keeping the blood haze at bay, keeping himself from murdering everyone he came in contact with.

"Are they gone?" Teryk asked breathlessly as him and Solana caught up to him.

"Yeah…" Garrus said in a low tone. "Yeah, she's gone."

"What do we need to do?" Solana asked, panting.

"Who was it, Sol," Garrus asked without turning around. "Who took her?"

"She uh… She called him Finch. And he called her Jane Doe."

"Does that mean something?" Teryk asked.

Garrus exhaled a long, slow, angry breath from his nose. That's exactly what he had been expecting her to say, dreading really. His heart leaped into his throat as he tried to stay calm.

"I'm sure you both saw that report on her past a few years back after she became a Spectre, right?"

"Yeah," Teryk said.

Garrus looked down at his bleeding palms, not even realizing how hard he had been tightening them into fists.

"The men who did that, all those years ago, are the ones who have her now."

* * *

><p>Teryk Vakarian hadn't wanted to go to Omega. He hadn't wanted to meet these Salraians. But if he didn't go, Solana had made it very clear that she would go alone and that wasn't something he was going to allow. Now that he was sitting on the Normandy, watching his son debrief a mismatched crew on the disappearance of the human Spectre that lead them, he was absolutely sure it had been a terrible idea.<p>

Still, watching Garrus command the crew, watching the confidence and power in him, the pride he felt was hard to ignore. Several times over the past years, Teryk wondered what his son had meant when he told him that his friendship with the human Spectre had made him into a better man. It wasn't until that moment, that he was watching him deliver the news to her crew, that he really believed him.

"I don't know why they took her," Garrus continued, obviously putting forth great effort to remain calm. "Or what they intend to do with her. All I know is that she is currently completely unarmed, and at the mercy of these thugs." He exhaled through his nose and leaned his hands on the comm table.

"What do you need us to do, Garrus," The female they all called Miranda said as she stood up.

"Miranda, I need you to go contact The Illusive Man and see if he's got any information we can use." The woman nodded and immediately headed off. "Tali," he said, turning to the quarian who rushed up to him, folding her hands over each other nervously. He put a hand on her shoulder. "I need you to do what you do best. That ship left about 3 hours ago, find it."

The quarian nodded vigorously. "I won't let you down, Garrus," she said before turning to leave.

"I'm going to go talk to Aria," Garrus continued. "We'll see if she's got her tiny blue hands in this. Joker, you have the ship, get her ready to leave. As soon as we know where she is I want to be able to take off."

"You got it, Garrus," the sickly man said, limping back to the Cockpit.

"Be prepared to move everyone."

Everyone gave their consent and scattered to their positions.

Garrus approached his family, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You guys sure you want to stay? I don't know what we're going to get into."

Solana scoffed, crossing her arms. "Garrus, she saved my life, you expect me to run away?"

"I didn't _expect _you to, Sol. I was just _hoping _you would."

"You should know better by now."

"She's right, Pup," Teryk said as he stood. "This human of yours sacrificed herself to save one of ours. You expect us to just walk away? Where's the honor in that? I've heard enough about this woman to know that if she hadn't needed to protect Sol she could have fought her way out."

"Alright, I get it," Garrus said. "Sol, you wanna head down to the Med Bay and meet the Doc? We might need you down there later, and she can get you cleaned up."

Solana nodded and squeezed his shoulder as she passed him.

"Well," Garrus said, turning away from his dad. "Come on then."

The dark human that was accompanying them to talk to Aria, Jacob was his name, was obviously ex-Alliance. Strong, disciplined, maybe a little ignorant but seemed like a good sort. They awaited Garrus on the docking hangar while he finished directing a few more people.

"I thought the woman, Miranda, was the Commander's X.O.," Teryk said to the human. "Seems odd everyone would follow a turian's lead, no questions asked. On a _Cerberus _vessel, especially."

"This isn't a Cerberus vessel," he said. "As soon as Shepard took command it stopped being that. Miranda is the X.O. As far as the Illusive Man is concerned, but we all know who Shepard would pass command to. She doesn't trust anyone like she trusts Garrus, and if anyone is going to find her, it's going to be him."

"So I'm told. The effect she has on him was not something I was prepared for," he grumbled. "It's unsettling."

Jacob just laughed, hands on his hips and looked at the floor.

"It's not just him. That's just the effect she has on you. She just… she makes you want to try and be as _good _as she is."

Teryk didn't say anything. The impact her disappearance was having on her crew was profound. He figured the reports of the way she gained her people's loyalty was Alliance fluff. But no, these people, of all different races and species, truly cared about her well being.

Garrus finally met them and took the lead on their way into Afterlife. Jacob at his right, his father at his left, and a special kind of purpose in his steps.

* * *

><p>Garrus was in no mood for Aria's games, but a gun fight wasn't what he needed right now, he needed information.<p>

"So, if it isn't Archangel," she said. "Reports of your death seem rather exaggerated. Looks like you have that in common with the Commander, now."

"Aria, Shepard's been taken," he said, getting right to the point. The asari faltered for the briefest moment before resuming her careless sneer. "Now I know nothing goes through this station without your sneaky fingers all over it so I need to know what ship they left on."

"Even if I knew who took her, which I'm not saying I do, why is it any concern of mine?"

"Because she didn't have to thwart the attempt to overthrow you, but she did. You owe her and I know how you hate being in debt to anyone."

"While that's true, and I _do _like Shepard, I don't know who took her. I hadn't even heard about it."

"We know _who _took her," he said, getting frustrated. "It was The Tenth Street Red's, some Earth gang she has old beef with."

"Ah, yes the Red's."

"So all we need is the ship they left on."

"Fine," Aria said pulling up a data pad and typing a few commands in. "But you tell Shepard when you find her that this makes us square."

"Done."

"Says here XO Finch Preston left here about 4 hours ago on the MSV Augustine."

"XO? Who's the captain?"

"He wasn't with them for some reason, or he didn't want us to know he was there. It's usually their little brotherhoods leader, Gideon Torren."

_Gideon... _

Garrus remembered the name, and he started growling without even realizing it.

_Hold it together, _he told himself. _You've got to find her first. _

"Thanks, Aria," he said as he turned to leave. "Tali," he said into his earpiece. "We got the ship name. She's on the MSV Augustine."

"I was afraid of that," she said with a sigh. "I'll start tracking the ship but you'd better get back here."

He didn't need to hear anything else.

"Tali get that information to Joker, I want to take off as soon as we're back on the ship."

"Of course, Garrus," She said before cutting the connection.

"Archangel?" Teryk said as they ran.

"Yeah, I'll explain later," Garrus said.

* * *

><p>Once they boarded and Jacob returned to the Armory, Teryk and Garrus loaded themselves onto the elevator and headed down.<p>

"What have you got, Tali," Garrus said as came through the doors of Engineering.

"After I hacked the docking terminal I isolated the five ships that left within the time frame you gave me and had been attempting to track them all. I had a feeling she was on the MSV Augustine. It's a cruiser and started receiving encrypted transmissions about twenty minutes ago."

"And?"

"And I recognize the encryption. Do you remember when we met? How I had been trying to trade information to the Shadow Broker for protection against Saren?"

"Spirits, they're working for the Shadow Broker?"

"It would appear so."

"Why? What would the Shadow Broker want with Shepard?"

"I don't know, Garrus. Didn't Liara say that he had originally commissioned her to find Shepard's body? Maybe he still wants her for something."

"Damn it, that explains why a bunch of human mercs can afford a cruiser, and probably how they've been tracking her this whole time. They were just waiting until she was vulnerable."

"This isn't good Garrus. If we don't catch up before they get to a relay and she's delivered to The Shadow Broker, we may never get her back."

"This is the fastest ship in the traverse, Tali. We'll catch up. Have you decrypted the messages?"

"Yeah but there's a problem," she said, bringing them up on the screen.

"It's just a bunch of lines and dots," Garrus said. "Is that the encryption?"

"No, this is after that. This is the core message, but I don't know what it is."

"It's Morse Code," Teryk said from behind them, moving to point to the screen. "It's an ancient human code used long before the First Contact War for sending short messages from place to place in secret."

"I, what?" Garrus said. "How do you even know that?"

"You know, I used to be a formidable cop back in the day."

"Well, what does it say?"

"I recognize it, but that doesn't mean I can read it," he said.

"I've got it," Tali said. "Now that we know the code, we can simply input it and EDI can translate it for us."

A few torturous moments later the transmissions were translated:

* Package acquired. Stop. Orders? Stop.*

* Is she cooperating. Stop. *

* Negative. Stop. *

* Make her talk. Stop. By any means necessary. Stop. *

"That doesn't bode well," Tali said.

"Keep on them, Tali. Let me know if you find anything else," he said, patting her on the shoulder before turning to leave.

It wasn't until he got into the elevator, with no destination, that he let it all hit him. He threw his fists into the wall so hard the metal caved under the pressure. He stood there, growling, with his forehead on the cool metal wall for long minutes. Just thinking about whatever was happening to her in the hands of those thugs made his blood scream in him. He could hardly hear anything under the rush of his blood in his ears. He had to find her. He _had _to.

* * *

><p>The sight of his son hurting like he was wasn't something Teryk had prepared himself to see. Garrus took after him in that he never let anyone see how he was really feeling, never let his emotions take over and get the best of him, never let his judgment become impaired because of how we felt. The effect this human had on his son was troubling.<p>

Obviously the other humans didn't understand Garrus at all. Teryk heard the mumblings of the crew saying that they were surprised he was coping so well. One had even mentioned that Garrus' lack of an emotional outburst was proof that he wasn't as close to Shepard as everyone seemed to think he was. But Teryk knew his son. He knew how hard he was fighting to keep the rage from taking over. It was a rage that Teryk himself had only dealt with a few times in his life, and it needed a purpose, a direction. If left idle it would burn and burn and consume all sense of rationality. If they were going to find this human, Garrus needed to keep it together.

"I can't lose her twice in a lifetime," was all Garrus said as he lowered his fists and straightened.

"Let's go talk to Solana," Teryk offered.

"What? Why?"

"Now that she's calmed down she might remember something that will help us," he said. He was lying, but he knew how hungry his rage was. The Vakarian men were never very good at sentimentality, but he loved his son, and if this human meant as much to him as Teryk was afraid she did, then he was going to make damn well sure they found her.

"Yeah," Garrus said, pressing a button on the elevator. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

><p>Shepard groaned as she blinked her eyes open. Her head was pounding. She tried to rub it but found resistance on her wrists. The fog cleared and the severity of the situation all came back to her.<p>

"Shit," she said trying to sit up, but her hands and feet were both tied together. She flailed around on her side, and laughed as she reminded herself of a fish out of water. She leaned her head down on the cold metal of the container she was in. "How in the hell," she said to herself. Not really trying to figure anything out, just cursing her fortune.

She spared a few minutes to think about why the Red's wanted her, and why they wanted her alive. Besides some kind of twisted, overdone, clichéd revenge plot, there was really no need for the theatrics. Tasers, bound hands, mystery ship, the lot of it was ridiculous. She would much rather they fast forward to the end where she got to put her boot in Gideon's ass. This over-dramatic display was really nothing more than masturbation, as far as Shepard was concerned.

When the door to her container opened, and the white light from behind one of her captors poured into the small space, not only was she unimpressed, she was unafraid.


	30. Resemblance

_**IMPORTANT: Sense and Flexibility will be going on HIATUS! I will post chapter 31 on Thursday and chapter 32 on Monday. Then I will be taking a month long hiatus from posting and will return to posting regularly on April 5th. Yay! I figured that's a good time for a break since you will all be so busy playing ME3 that you won't even miss me! But I"ve been writing SandF for 6 months straight now and I just need a breather. Visit my blog for the full story on my Hiatus at www(dot)Roarkshop(dot)net**_

**_As always, your comments and reviews are always read, loved, and cherished. I try to reply to all comments but there are so many of you now that I just get a little lost in the interim and it's hard for me to respond to everyone. But I read every single one I assure you. _**

**_All characters and themes are Bioware._**

**_I love you guys_**

**_Roarkshop_**

* * *

><p>Solana had, in fact, calmed down and was able to relay what had happened step by step. She told them everything from the conversation leading up to the event, to the fact that Shepard had threatened them with her own life, to everything she had said.<p>

…well, almost everything.

None of it was helpful to them where they were, but it did make sense.

_Garrus has already dealt with losing me once, don't make __**me**__ have to suffer through seeing him lose __**you**__._

_Damn her, _Garrus thought, looking out the window of the Med Bay into the Mess Hall. She was too good, too concerned with putting his sister, even him, before herself. He understood the logic. If these men _did _need her alive, well, Garrus probably would have done the same thing to ensure no one got hurt. In his rational mind it made perfect sense, but, that didn't help him settle the rage.

"Mr. Vakarian," EDI chimed. "Operative Lawson has informed me that she has spoken to the Illusive Man and has come upon some information she finds prevalent to our situation."

"Thank you, EDI," he said as he made his way out. "Stay with Sol, Dad. I'll be right back."

He made his way across the abandoned Mess Hall to Miranda's office and stepped in. She was at her desk and stood.

"Garrus," she said in greeting.

"Lawson," he returned. "What have you got?"

"The Illusive Man has done some digging and we think we found why the Shadow Broker wants her."

Garrus stepped around her desk to look at her monitor as she pointed on the screen.

"Do you remember an Admiral Kahoku?" she asked.

"Vaguely," he confirmed.

"His team was killed by a Thresher Maw attack in some kind of Cerberus experiment. Shepard tracked down the facilities and destroyed the Rachni that had taken hold of the bunkers. She found Kahoku dead-"

"And downloaded Cerberus information that she then sent to the Alliance, yeah it's coming back to me."

"Well apparently," she continued, swiveling around in her chair to look at him. "According to the mission reports, she was contacted by an agent of the Shadow Broker to turn over the information on Cerberus for a heavy reward, saying that with his connections he would be able to get the information out of the Alliance databases anyhow which, as we can all guess, she refused. Little did the Shadow Broker know that Cerberus would get the information first, effectively locking it down."

"So the Shadow Broker never got this information he wanted?"

"Right."

"So he kidnapped her because he thinks she still has the information? Or because he holds a grudge?"

"Well Shepard reported the agent as saying," she turned to read off the screen again. "Quote 'The Shadow Broker will not forget this blah blah blah more hot air,' end quote".

"So the Shadow Broker finds out about her connection to the Reds and uses them for revenge?"

"That's my guess," she said. "But there's also what Ms. Tsoni said about wanting to give Shepard's body to the Collectors, so that could be why they need her alive."

"Okay," he said patting Lawson on the back of the shoulder before turning to leave. "Thanks, Miranda. Good work."

"Garrus," she said, standing. He turned to look at her over his shoulder and he thought she looked much more concerned than he'd ever seen her show before. "We'll find her."

_She's really not a bad kid, _Shepard had said.

Garrus smiled to himself, giving the girl a nod before exiting.

* * *

><p><em>Who in the hell are they transmitting this too, <em>Shepard thought, eying the merc who was recording her torture session. She sorted through the facts in her head, still slowly trying to wring her hands out of the leather strap around her wrists behind her back. She knew now that they were working for the Shadow Broker trying to get any and all information on Cerberus. Did he think that hiring the Reds to kidnap her would make her talk? Was that who was watching this whole over-dramatic display? Or was it Gideon? Was he in a dark room somewhere trying to get off on her pain? She figured she was making it difficult for him if he was.

"I'm really getting bored," she said. "Is there any way we can get to the part where I kill all of you? I'm starting to get sleepy here."

"I'd be quiet if I were you," Finch said, loading a clip into his pistol.

"Where's Gideon anyway? I expected to get his big bad guys speech by now. God only knows how long he's been planning _that _moment in his head."

"Shut up, Jane. You're just going to make this worse."

"Oh wait, let me guess. He's gonna come in amongst a cloud of fog saying 'you know, we're not so different, you and I,'" she laughed and shook her head. "Really, you boys will never learn. Your theatrics don't impress me."

Again the hum of the electrical current filled the room and the white-hot pain filled her. Her vision blurred as she threw her head back, clenching her teeth. She thought she was going to black out when they turned it off again. You wouldn't know it by looking at her, but she was thankful as her head sank to her chest and she coughed.

* * *

><p>Teryk slept in the bunk in the Battery that night while Solana slept in Shepard's bed. Garrus didn't sleep, he just stood in front of the window in Shepard's quarters listening to his sister's heavy breath, her slow heartbeat. She'd be dead if not for Shepard. He kept reminding himself of that, kept trying to stop being mad at her for surrendering.<p>

It wasn't even remotely working.

He turned and looked back at his sleeping sister. Just last night he lay in that very spot with Shepard in his arms. Even now, just being in her room, he could smell her. Citrus and Earth; like she was taunting him. How did it all go so wrong? How did he let this happen? What are they doing to her?

...Is she afraid?

He exhaled through his nose and put his face into his hand, leaning the other hand on the window. He had to stop. If he kept thinking like this he wasn't going to get anywhere, he was just going to get more and more angry before he completely lost control. He needed to keep it together. He needed to find her.

Garrus stood there and tried to remind himself of the facts. They needed her alive, so there was no reason to be afraid that they'd kill her. They were probably incapable of dishing out anything Shepard couldn't handle. He had better chances of arriving at the ship only to find she'd already killed everyone rather than finding her broken and bloodied in Gideon's chamber.

The image made him slam his fist into the window. He leaned his hands on the glass and hung his head.

Shepard was somewhere in the galaxy, in the hands of the people who had made her so alone in the beginning, who had taken everything from her. And every hour that passed that he didn't show up to help her, she felt more and more alone.

As the thought defined itself in his head, the rage that built in his chest was unlike anything he had ever felt. He had never been more furious or more desperate for something in his life.

"I'm coming for you," he said to the window, almost like a prayer. "Wait for me."

* * *

><p>Shepard didn't sleep. After hours of electrocution, getting shot, and being beaten, she figured her captors were more tired having had to deal with her indignation than she was dealing with the torture. Pussies.<p>

They had put her back in the cold metal container for the night so they didn't have to worry about her escaping. She spent the whole night wringing her hands, warping the leather of her strap, trying to loosen it just enough that she could pull a hand out. But it was thick, and not very yielding.

She wondered what the crew of the Normandy was doing. Were they coming for her? Did they even know where she was? Garrus could certainly figure out the situation with information Solana would have given him. Was he worried? Was he angry? Did he miss her?

"Ugh," she groaned, letting her head fall onto the metal of the crate. "This is getting me nowhere."

She kept wringing her hands against the leather holding her wrists together throughout the night. She didn't have time to sleep, she had to get the hell out of here. If they made it to the relay the Normandy wouldn't be able to find them and she'd be fucked. No. She had to escape before then so she could get to the communication room and call for Garrus.

Her strength was waning as the long hours of the night passed her. She was hungry, and everything hurt. Her bullet wound ached. Finch had sealed it shut with a hot iron so it would stop bleeding, but it was right where her arm met her shoulder so every time she tried to move her hands it would scream in protest.

She wondered why Gideon hadn't made his big entrance. What was he waiting for?

"His cape and top hat probably aren't ready," she said with a laugh, rolling onto her back to look up at the top of the container. She could see starlight through the crease in the metal, so she had to be by a window somewhere. She took a few long, deep breaths before sleep finally started to claim her.

"I bet I'm going to have to stay in the Med Bay for a whole week after this," she said to herself. "This sucks."

* * *

><p>"If they don't reach the relay in the next few hours, we should be able to catch up. We'll be coming up on them by 0900," Joker assured Garrus.<p>

"Good work, Joker," he said. "Let me know as soon as we're coming up on docking distance."

"You got it, Buddy," he said, turning around in his chair.

Garrus turned to head back to the star map when EDI chirped up.

"Ms. Vas Neema Nar'Raya has requested your presence, Mr. Vakarian," she cooed.

"Thank you, EDI," Garrus replied as he walked.

When he got down to Engineering, Solana and Teryk were already there.

"Sol, what are you doing down here?"

"I want to help," she said. "Moral support or otherwise."

He wanted to protest, but knew it would be a waste of time, which he couldn't afford. He marched to Tali's side as she typed away at the console, pictures of empty rooms flashing across the screen.

"What have you got, Tali?"

"Once we got in range, I managed to hack the signal from the cruiser and picked up on their security footage. The Shadow Broker is also in the footage so I had a hard time dodging him, but I've managed to get in undetected."

"You out-hacked the Shadow Broker?" Teryk asked.

"Tali can out-hack anything," Garrus said, narrowing his eyes as they looked for Shepard on the screen.

"There," Tali said, isolating a screen. It was in some sort of Cargo bunk, but the Camera angle showed a group of people in a window toward the edge of the screen a floor up: familiar red hair among them, but they couldn't really see anything, and the sound was completely drowned by the white noise of the Cargo Hold.

"Is there a better angle?" Garrus said. He was getting anxious to see what condition Shepard was in. "Can we get in that room?"

"If the schematics are correct that's the Communication Room," Tali said, typing something into the console. "Yes, there's two camera's in there. Here."

* * *

><p>Teryk knew better than to think the "footage" was going to be good news.<p>

Finally the image popped up on the screen. Shepard's hands and feet were bound and she was strapped into a strange contraption. Her face was bloodied and her clothes were torn up in spots. Teryk heard Garrus' heartbeat start pumping in his chest, a low, unconscious growl rumbling through him.

"What is that across her shoulders," Tali asked, pointing at the blue strap keeping Shepard pinned in the chair. "It's glowing."

"It's nothing good," Teryk said. He had seen it back in his C-sec days. It was a favorite of particular mercenary guilds for torture. It was an old, but effective technique. If they had been using that on her, it was a miracle her head was still held high.

"You're going to tell us what we need to know, Jane," said one of the mercs. "It's only a matter of time before we break you."

She smiled.

"You obviously don't know who you're _fucking_ with anymore, Finch," she said, turning her head to the side to spit blood.

"You're dragging this out much more than you need to," he said. "We all understand that you're 'Big Bad Commander Shepard' and you can take your licks, but this really isn't necessary, is it?"

"What can I say, I like to make Gideon work for his money. Where is that useless fuck anyway?"

"He'll be here soon. He's anxious to see you, you know. He's promised to finish what he started all those years ago."

"Hah," she turned her head and spit again. "Two things wrong with that. One: I am way too old for Gideon now. Two: I am way too strong."

"You seem pretty weak and defenseless to me," he said.

"Well you'd be wrong," she said with a laugh. "I'm not afraid of Gideon. Not anymore. Not ever again. And I'm not afraid of you either, Finch. I know impotence when I see it."

"Turn it on," Finch shouted angrily.

An electrical hum filled the space of the room and Shepard's whole body tensed as the bar around her shoulders radiated blue electricity across her body. It crawled over her and her veins on her throat strained and bulged as she clenched her teeth, tossing her head back. Spirits, it was like a nightmarish.

Tali cried out, putting her hands over her mask and turning away. Solana looked away and cringed against the sound it made. Teryk exhaled, keeping his eyes on Garrus, who was just standing there, immovable, staring at the screen.

When the hum finally eased away after what seemed like an eternity, Shepard's head dropped to her chest as she panted. Not for long, though. When her head rose again, she was smiling.

"Are you ladies going to keep tickling me, or are we going to tango?" she said.

Teryk fought a smile. The reports about the Spectre certainly weren't exaggerated.

"There," Garrus said, pointing at the screen at a man with an eye-patch entering the room. "That's Gideon."

"Who's Gideon?" Teryk asked.

"Someone who I am going to kill with my bare hands," Garrus replied.

* * *

><p>"That's enough," came a hauntingly familiar voice from behind Shepard. "She's obviously not going to tell us what we need. We might just have to turn her over to the Shadow Broker."<p>

When she looked up at Gideon her heart pounded in her chest, but she made sure she didn't let it show on her face. She just burst into laughter.

"Really, Gideon?" She said between laughs. "An eye-patch? Glad that taking your eye out became a fashion statement for you."

He whipped her across the face with the butt of his pistol, but that didn't stop her from laughing.

"God, Gideon," she continued. "You are just, the _gayest_ pirate I've ever seen."

"Shut up!" he roared, hitting her with his gun again. "Shut up, you _whore_!"

"Aye aye, Matey," she said in her best pirate voice. "Avast! Ye best fetch me a grog, I be a thirsty wench!"

He hit her again, three times in succession, with his gun. Left, then right, then left; and she was still laughing when he was done.

"Turn it on!" he shouted.

Again the electricity burst through her body. She clenched her teeth hard, trying to avoid screaming, because she knew that's what he wanted. She bit it down, dug her fingernails into her palms, tossed her head back, her whole body tense against the pain. But she didn't scream, not for him. When it finally turned off again, she couldn't help but let her head sink to her chest as she coughed.

"Why are you making this so hard on yourself, Jane?" he said, pulling her hair so she looked up at him. "Why don't you just tell the Shadow Broker what he wants to know, so we can let you go?"

A severity flashed across her face that was absolute.

"Let me go like you were going to let Deelia go? Isn't that what you told me? 'Just sit still and we won't hurt her'? Isn't that what you said?" Her shoulders pulled against her restraints like she was trying to hit him.

Gideon said nothing, his jaw set in frustration.

"I don't repeat my mistakes, Gideon."

"So I see," he said, trailing the back of his hand down the side of her face. "My, my, you certainly have gotten pretty, Jane Doe."

"Shepard," she said through clenched teeth. "My name is _Shepard_."

"You may have the whole traverse fooled, but we know better. We remember Jane Doe. The image of you is forever burned into my memory; Your brilliant red hair, your bright green eyes. But it's your spirit that has kept me awake night after night. It's that unshakable fire in your eyes, that _power _in you. I can't help but want to stamp it out of you, break you, make you cry like I did all those years ago."

"Like hell," she said, spitting blood at his feet. "Oh, speaking of that night, where is that brother of yours you were always so gay over? You remember, right? The one who killed Deelia? Oh, that's right. I slit his fucking _throat_!"

He snarled and shoved his pistol under her chin.

"You're lucky the Shadow Broker needs you alive, alien lover," he spat.

"You say that like I'm ashamed of it," she panted, wincing against the pain.

"You should be, preferring aliens over your own species is disgusting."

"I never said I prefer them, though if you're setting an example here you're giving me ample reason to."

"Don't give me that shit, Jane," Gideon snarled. "Finch told me about what you said: About protecting the turian and her brother. But what you fail to realize is that you're _mine_ now, just like you were all those years ago. Those aliens aren't your friends, Jane. They aren't coming for you. So just tell us what we need to know and we can ride to Hagalaz in peace."

"What's it like, Gideon? To still be so alone after all this time," she said, looking down at her legs.

"What are you talking about, Jane? You're the only one alone here."

"Maybe once," she said with a cough. "You took away the only family I had back then. I can definitely say that was the most alone I had ever felt, those years. But I'm not anymore." She looked up at him. "I have people who care about me and no matter how far you get, no matter where you run to, they will find me. I may be alone now, but there are people out there who will not _rest _until I am safe. Can you say the same thing, Gideon? Can you honestly say that any of these Mercenaries you pay to stay at your side would come for you if you were taken? Or would they just see an opportunity to take the ship and anything you've stored on it? That's not companionship, Gideon… that's not a family. You're surrounded by people and yet you're totally and utterly friendless."

"Shut up," he said through clenched teeth. "Shut your filthy mouth!"

"God, I feel sorry for you, Gideon."

He hit her with his gun so hard Shepard heard the bone in her face crack. It was rewarding, because she knew she had gotten to him. She knew she was stronger.

"Unplug the chair," he said as he stood, his voice almost cracking. "I'm going to rough her up proper."

"Oh this should be hilarious," she cooed.

* * *

><p>Teryk, Solana, Tali, and Garrus all watched on as Gideon dragged Shepard out of the room by the restraints around her wrists. Garrus hung his head and put a hand over his face, closing his eyes, commanding himself to regain control. His insides were shivering from the rage inside him.<p>

_Keep it together, _he said to himself. _Now's not the time. You have to get to her. You can do this. You can __**do**__ this, damn it._

"He…he's not going to…" Tali said, choking on her tears.

"**No**," Garrus snapped, turning to her. "Shepard would never allow it, Tali." He exhaled through his nose and put a hand on her shoulder. "You have to believe in her. She's strong." He wasn't exactly sure if he was reassuring Tali or himself.

Tali nodded, sadly.

Garrus looked between the three people in the room; unsure of what he should say, of what would make everything alright again.

He knew damn well there was nothing.

"I uh," he cleared his throat. "I'll be in the Battery if you need me." He nodded as a means of excusing himself, and could feel all the sad eyes following him out of the room.

He stepped into the elevator and leaned his forehead against the cool metal wall. The anger in him was amazing. If his father hadn't taught him, so severely, how to keep his emotions in check, he would have ripped the engine apart without any concern for who or what got in his way. But he couldn't afford that, not now, not when everything was at stake. He tromped back to the Battery, putting in a great amount of effort to take slow steps. As the doors closed behind him he leaned on the Battery's console and closed his eyes, chanting his father's words in his head.

_Rage makes you sloppy. Grief makes you vulnerable. Rage makes you sloppy. Grief makes you vulnerable. _

Garrus spared a thought to think that they had better get to this ship fast if all the crew were going to live to tell about it.

He was concentrating so hard on staying calm, that when the doors whooshed open and Teryk strode in, he was grateful for the distraction.

* * *

><p>"Goodness," Teryk said as he stepped into the Battery. "This human certainly has you in a fit, doesn't she?"<p>

Garrus sighed and moved to sit on his bunk. "You know I've never been very close to anyone, Dad. She's my best friend, that's important to me."

"I know," he conceded, taking a pack of Davox Lights out of his pocket and tapping one out of the plastic.

"I thought you quit smoking," Garrus rumbled disapprovingly.

"And I thought you had quit chasing Spectres," he said, raising the cigarette to his lips. "So I guess we're even."

He held the pack out to Garrus, who waved a hand dismissively. Just as Teryk went to withdraw the pack Garrus reached out and took one with an angry exhale.

"I haven't had one of these since I was a teenager," he admitted, rolling it between his fingers.

"I didn't think you'd actually take one," Teryk said with a laugh, lighting his cigarette and tossing the lighter to Garrus.

"Yeah well," he said, catching the lighter and thumbing it over in his hand. "It's been a stressful few days." Garrus raised the lighter to his lips and lit his own cigarette, exhaling the smoke with an entertained sigh.

"I remember," Teryk said, leaning a foot on the wall behind him. "Back in my C-sec days, this group of thugs had showed up to the house while I was gone to threatened your mother because I wouldn't release their boss." He took a long drag and exhaled, drawing out the moment. "You're handling this much better than I handled that."

"Well sure," Garrus said as he let the smoke slowly drift out of his throat. "Shepard may be the closest friend I've got, but Mom was your bond mate at the time right? Still, if this is as angry as I get over Shepard, I'm interested in how I'd react if something like this ever happens to my mate." He laughed, taking another drag. "You know, if I ever get one."

"Wait, so you and Shepard aren't…"

"What? No. What would give you that idea? I just told you she was my best friend, didn't I?"

"Well sure," Teryk said with a laugh. "But I thought that was just because you didn't want to tell me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Dad," Garrus said. "She's a human."

That was the moment that Teryk, very regretfully, realized his son was an idiot. He laughed to himself as he inhaled another lungful of smoke.

"You know," he said. "When your mother and I first met, all those years ago, she used to call me Dark Matter."

"I know," Garrus said, rolling his eyes. "Because you were dark and handsome, I remember."

"Sure," Teryk said with a laugh. "That's what I've told you kids all these years. But in reality, no, she called me Dark Matter because she said I was more dense than anything else in the universe."

Garrus laughed, the first genuine laugh since this whole mess began, putting a hand on his head, his cigarette between his fingers.

"It's disappointing," Teryk continued with a smile. "To know that I have passed that down to you."

"What are you talking about?" Garrus protested. "I'm not dense."

"Mmhmmm." Teryk figured he was estranged from Garrus enough without openly disapproving of his choice in mates, so he had planned to be supportive of his son's unusual choice, regardless of how unconventional it was. He had prepared himself for an awkward conversation about it, but he did _not _prepare himself for having to make Garrus realize that he had already made that choice. Regardless, this was not Teryk's first interrogation. "Well I'll say this for the human, I definitely see why she has all the men on the ship in an uproar."

"Hmmm?"

"Have you not noticed the fit they're all throwing? All the men on this ship seem equally smitten with her." Teryk exhaled and watched the smoke swirl towards the ceiling. "I mean, except you, of course."

Garrus scoffed.

"Well, anyway, after meeting her I suppose I understand."

"What, you have a fetish for humans now?" Garrus said with almost a sneer in his voice.

"Now, Garrus," Teryk said, moving to lean on the Battery console. "You don't have to have a fetish for humans to have a fetish for _your _human. Besides being a little soft for my tastes, she's attractive enough. Powerful, energetic. I bet that drell could give her a run for her money."

Garrus inhaled a deep lungful of smoke as if to counter the rage. Teryk heard his heard speed up, only slightly, and knew he had struck a nerve.

"The drell certainly makes the most sense; Similar enough that they won't have…eh…anatomy issues. And he's not exactly weak and soft like the dark human, Jacob. No, someone like your human would only take it from someone who made her work for it."

"I hardly think this conversation is appropriate, considering the circumstances," Garrus snapped, before taking another long drag.

"Though, what I don't understand," Teryk continued. "Is why we're even chasing her. I mean when I thought you had feelings for her, I was all for it, but... Spirits, Pup, you can't make _new _friends?"

"Shut up," Garrus snapped, exhaling smoke with the word, his eyes snapping up. "You don't know anything."

"I know enough to know that I've never felt the need to go tap-dancing on the Shadow Brokers _face_ for someone I called a _friend_. And even if you _did _have feelings for her what's the point now? That, what was his name, Gideon? If he hasn't killed her by now, he's probably had his way with her after dragging-"

Garrus moved across the room in a flash, roaring as he grabbed his father by the front of the shirt. He spun, and slammed Teryk into the metal of the Battery door, holding him up in the air. Teryk had been prepared for the pain, since it was precisely the reaction he had been trying to illicit. But what he wasn't prepared for was the madness in Garrus' face.

"That's _enough_," Garrus snapped, speaking through clenched teeth. "If you disrespect her again, so help me, I will not _hesitate_ to throw you out of the airlock! You do _not_ talk about her like she's insignificant. She is the _only _thing that matters to me and I will sooner put a _bullet_ through my own head before I join the list of people who have given up on her! Do you _understand_ me?"

Teryk smiled and raised his cigarette to his lips again, blowing the smoke into Garrus' face.

"Well," he said. "Maybe you aren't _quite _as dense as I was."

Confusion joined the anger in Garrus' face, and Teryk could almost see the gears working in his mind. But, before any real resolution was to be had, the pilot's voice crackled over the speakers.

"Garrus, we're coming up on docking distance, you'd better get up here."

"I'm coming," Garrus said, releasing his dad and moving past him to exit the Battery. "I don't have time for your frivolous lessons," he said over his shoulder. "Gear up."


	31. Cavalry

_**IMPORTANT: Sense and Flexibility will be going on HIATUS! I will post chapter 31 on Thursday and chapter 32 on Monday. Then I will be taking a month long hiatus from posting and will return to posting regularly on April 5th. Yay! I figured that's a good time for a break since you will all be so busy playing ME3 that you won't even miss me! But I"ve been writing SandF for 6 months straight now and I just need a breather. Visit my blog for the full story on my Hiatus at www(dot)Roarkshop(dot)net**_

**_As always, your comments and reviews are always read, loved, and cherished. I try to reply to all comments but there are so many of you now that I just get a little lost in the interim and it's hard for me to respond to everyone. But I read every single one I assure you. _**

**_All characters and themes are Bioware._**

**_I love you guys_**

**_Roarkshop_**

* * *

><p>Shepard didn't make the trek to Gideon's quarters easy by any means. Even with her feet and hands bound she struggled the whole way as he dragged her along the cold metal floor before finally hurling her past the threshold into his quarters. She sat up against the door once it closed behind her and she was rewarded with the butt of his pistol to her face again. Blood spattered the metal behind her.<p>

"What the hell," Gideon said, panting and tired from the ordeal of dragging her. "You certainly are a stubborn bitch."

"Well it was your fault for letting me find out you needed me alive," she said. "What's the point in making your jobs easy if you don't have anything to threaten me with?"

"You think you're so smart," he cursed, picking her up by the hair and hurling her onto the bed. "I will wipe that superiority right off of your face."

"You can't take away something I've _earned_," she sneered as she lifted her bound feet and fired them into his chest, making him stumble back.

He grunted and bent to remove a large hunting knife from his boot, and stabbed the mattress as he climbed on top of her. He put his free hand down on her throat and held her hips in place with his knees. She squirmed.

"Well," he said, leaning his face down to hers. "Isn't this nostalgic?"

_It certainly is, _she said to herself, but they were not sharing the same memory. Gideon was obviously trying to remind her of that fateful night Deelia died, and he failed. As she lay there, with his hand on her throat, only one person filled her mind.

…Garrus._  
><em>  
><em>You're playing with <em>_**fire**__ here, Shepard. _

That's what he had said the night they sparred on the SR1, and he had pinned her down. Just like this. The thought made the fury burn in her chest as she glared into the face of an old enemy. This wasn't Garrus, and as far as she was concerned Gideon was encroaching on that memory. Her hands, still bound in the leather strap, were above her head and she took the opportunity to fire her elbows down into his shoulders.

"Agh," he cursed. "God damn you." He released her throat to grip her hands and put them back above her head. Removing the blade of the knife from the mattress, he pressed the smooth side of it against her face. "There are _plenty_ of things I can do to you without killing you, Jane."

"You will never break me, Gideon. You have _nothing_ to threaten me with."

"Well then I can at least repay the favor you paid me," he said with a grin, tapping his eye patch with the side of his knife. "Then we'll be twins."

"By all means," she said with a sneer. "Anything that makes your ugly face harder to see is a gift."

"Why you little-"

"Boss," came a voice over the speakers. "We've got a situation up here."

"I'm busy," Gideon spat, pressing the blade against Shepard's temple. "Handle it."

"Gideon, we've got a major problem. You need to get up here."

"Damn it," he said, letting his knife slide across Shepard's head over her eye, slicing a long gash in her forehead as he sat up and moved off of her. "We will pick this up when I get back. Try not to get your filthy blood all over everything."

The access panel quickly beamed the ominous red that meant she was locked in.

"Shit," she cursed as she sat up, trying to see around the room. The blood running down her eye was making it increasingly harder to see. This might be the only chance she got; She needed to free herself, figure out a way to contact the Normandy, and then either hide and wait, or kill her way out. She lifted her bound hands to try and wipe the blood from her eye. Something small and metal was glinting on the far side of the room, sitting on top of his desk.

She raised herself up and hopped over to it, trying to keep her balance with her feet bound. When she finally managed to get to the desk, there it was; a small metal lighter next to an ash tray full of burnt out cigarettes.

"Yahtzee!" she cheered, fumbling with it in her hands as the blood covered her eye again. She flicked it on and turned her hands so that the flame was under the leather strap. The side of her palm singed but she didn't move it until the strap had given way enough that she could tear it. Once her hands were free she quickly fumbled her way out of the strap on her ankles and made her way to the door.

_Okay Jane, _she told herself. _You can do this. Garrus showed you a hundred times. Deep breaths. Take your time. _She knew if she messed up even one combination it would all lock down and she'd have to wait and take her chances when Gideon finally came back. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her heart beat as she remembered what Garrus would say.

_"Here look, it's not that hard," he had said as he pulled her in front of him by her forearm. She stood there in between his arms with her back against his chest, looking at the panel as he worked. "See, you just have to navigate through the different nodes and connect the right combination. But you can't go too fast. If you screw up it resets and the whole thing will lock down permanently."_

_His voice had rumbled right next to her ear and she could feel his steady breath in the rise and fall of his chest behind her._

Wait… that's not what she was supposed to be remembering.

_Shit, _she thought to herself. _Get it together, Hopeless, you don't have time. _

She took a deep breath and slowly worked her hands over the nodes in the console, almost _too_slow. The timer had almost finished when she finally connected the last combination. She realized she had been holding her breath as the access panel turned green, and she exhaled with a smile, wiping the blood from her eye again.

_Alright, _she said to herself, slowly rounding the corner. _Now I need a gun._

* * *

><p>Garrus had pushed whatever the hell his dad had been trying to teach him out of his mind. It wasn't the first time that Teryk had used his old C-sec tricks to try and make him inadvertently <em>learn<em>something. But there was no time for his games. They were within docking distance and they had to find Shepard; No matter what. Stupid lessons would have to wait.

"But, I want to come with you," Tali said, folding her hands over each other. "She's _my _friend too, Garrus."

"I know, Tali," he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "But I need you to stay on those cameras and be my eyes."

Tali took a deep breath and nodded.

"Be safe, Garrus," she said as she walked.

"Are you sure you want to bring the drell instead of the girl?" Teryk asked as he watched the green man approach them.

"Yeah. You and I aren't exactly stealthy people. I'll need him."

_Plus, _Garrus thought. _Shepard will probably want to see him._

"Are you sure you want to come along, Dad?" Garrus continued. "We're probably going to kill a lot of people."

"Well," Teryk said, shifting his weight. "I guess it's a good thing we're not in Council space then, isn't it?"

Garrus smiled.

Thane strapped his rifle to his back and nodded to them as they stood near the port side airlock.

"Alright, Garrus," Joker said, swiveling around in his chair to look at them. "Docking in thirty seconds. Bring her home, Buddy."

"Bet on it," Garrus growled.

* * *

><p>"Thane," Garrus said as they marched down a hallway of the Augustine. "As soon as you see an opening, go and find that room Tali said they put Shepard in."<p>

"It will be done," Thane said with a nod.

Teryk was getting nervous as they came up on the first door. He was never one to go on killing sprees; By the book, code of conduct, that was where Teryk lived. But this wasn't about that. If a group of thugs had ever taken his wife he most certainly would have gunned down every one of them, and he also would have expected _his _father to join him. These thugs made their choice when they took Shepard and threatened his daughter outside of Council jurisdiction. All bets were off.

The quarian had told them a ship-wide alert had gone out as soon as they forcibly docked. It had been years since he had been in a real fire fight. His talons started itching in anticipation.

As they entered the Starboard Cargo Bay, they were immediately assaulted by gunfire. The three of them spread out, ducking behind cover.

Adrenaline filled Teryk as he took out one merc after another with his assault rifle. He had forgotten how exhilarating this was, and yet it was all so familiar. The smell of the ammunition, the feel of the gun kicking in his hands, the sound it made. Teryk smiled.

He looked over to Garrus, and was obviously having a very different experience. There was no joy in his sons face. Only rage, determination, and maybe a little bit of fear. But he wasn't letting the fury make him sloppy. Every shot he fired took someone down, and it wasn't long before they had made their way to the other side of the room.

"The drell," Teryk said, noticing Thane's absence. "He's gone."

"Yeah, he's off doing what he does best."

"I see…" Teryk said, not even remotely sure what that meant.

"Down the next corridor," Tali said in their radios. "And then take the door on the right."

"Affirmative," Garrus said, hacking his way through the security panel on the door.

Spirits, the ship was massive. Teryk had never had a need to be on a cruiser, but it was rather overwhelming. Six floors, huge rooms, no quick way across. How in the hell were they supposed to find her in this monstrosity?

After fighting their way across a floor, they came to a door with two dead guards in front of it. Garrus used his foot to roll the guards head, as if studying it.

"Broken neck," he said. "It's Krios."

"Very observant," Thane said, emerging from the shadows.

"Spirits," Teryk jumped before lowering his weapon. "Where did you even _come_from?" he demanded angrily.

"_That's _what he does." Garrus said.

"She is no longer in the chamber Tali'zorah led me to."

"Where is she, then?" Garrus barked.

"I don't know. When I found it the door was open, and there was a rather disturbing amount of blood in the room. However, there were the remnants of what appeared to be leather restraints on the floor."

"Maybe she escaped?" Teryk said.

"I wouldn't put it past her," Garrus said, hacking his way through the next door.

"If she's escaped, it's reasonable to assume she doesn't know we're here," Thane offered.

"Good point."

"Well then she'd probably try to contact you, right?" Teryk said.

"Tali," Garrus said into his comm. "We think Shepard escaped and is heading for the Communication Room. Can you lead us there?"

"I uh, yes." There were a few moments of silence as she figured out the new route. "Go back," she said. "There is an elevator on the Main Deck of the last room you were in. You can take it up to the fourth floor."

"Roger that," Garrus said as they ran to it.

* * *

><p><strong>Bang. Bang. Bang.<strong>

Shepard didn't really see anything. Her sensory skills were completely offline. It was simply survival. A ship-wide alert had been set off and she wondered how they had found out she had escaped. Did they find the empty room? Or did they find the dead mercs she had stolen guns from? It didn't matter. They were throwing everything at her.

She fought her way up. She remembered the path Gideon had taken her from the Communication Room and took that same path now, determined to find it, to get a message out. She had a mission, an important mission. She had people, she had family, and she had so much to lose.

She wasn't going to die. Not again. Not like this.

Not without him.

Another bullet soared through her thigh and she cringed before shooting the merc where he stood and the shotgun blast rocketing him back into the wall. They were making a significant effort to wound her without killing, being careful not to shoot at her head or chest. She wondered, almost distractedly, why they were doing it.

_Is it worth it, Gideon? _She thought as she mowed down man after man. She was merciless. She didn't spare a second thought for them as they choked on their last breaths. She didn't look like much, god damn she was bleeding all over, no armor. She had tried to put on a helmet from one of the dead mercs, but it just impeded her vision rather than protected her. Instead she opted for a shotgun and a rifle and stomped her way up.

She didn't know how many times she'd been shot. She didn't care. She needed to get a message out. The only thing keeping her up was adrenaline. There was no pain. There was no suffering.

There was only the mission.

It wasn't until a familiar voice shook her from her frenzy that she actually really saw what was going on.

"Jesus Christ," the man cried as he backed away, trying to find a gun that was working.

"Oh," Shepard said with a smile, lowering her shotgun. "Hello, Finch."

"Jane, please," he said as he tripped over a pile of his dead companions. "This isn't you. You can't do this."

"This is what you _made _me, Finch," she sneered before firing a round into a merc who was still squirming. She laid down her rifle and picked up the pistol the dead merc had in his hand.

"Shit," he cursed, dropping his clip. "God damn it."

"I told you I wasn't going to be your puppet, didn't I? Didn't I _tell_ you not to underestimate me?"

"I…. I…."

"Is this what you think _weak and defenseless _looks like?"

She fired a round into each of his knee caps and he cried out, crumpling to the floor. She approached him and put a foot on his chest to make him stop squirming.

"You brought this on yourself, Finch," she said coldly before sending him out of his misery with a shotgun blast to the face.

Shepard turned to leave, shotgun in one hand, pistol in the other, but her adrenaline started to wane. She knew she had to keep her energy up if she was going to be able to get a message to Garrus. She coughed and blood spurted from her mouth and down her chin.

"You're almost there," she told herself. "You can do this."

* * *

><p>As the three men rode the elevator up, the sound of their collective heartbeats was all Teryk could hear. The drell's was even and controlled, the complete opposite of Garrus' thrumming in his chest.<p>

The elevator doors opened and they were all stunned at the sight it presented. They lowered their guns and made their way slowly into the room full of dead mercs.

"Spirits, drell," Teryk said. "This hardly seems necessary…"

"This…" Thane interrupted. "Was not me."

Garrus kneeled and rolled one of the dead mercs over onto his back, revealing the huge shotgun blast in his chest.

"That's my girl," Garrus said with a smile.

"This is all _Shepard_?" Teryk asked.

"Yeah. She's fighting her way out."

"That seems brash, even for her," Thane said. "She's unarmored, she can't get far."

"None of these men are Gideon," Garrus said, ignoring Thane.

"The one with the eye-patch?" Teryk asked.

"Yeah… he's not here. He's still alive."

"Garrus," came Tali's voice over the radio. "I've found Shepard but she…Keelah, she's in really bad shape. She's limping and leaving a trail of blood. You have to hurry. She went down the corridor on your left."

"Damn it," Garrus said, turning to run in that direction.

_Stupid human, _Teryk cursed to himself. She was going to get herself killed trying to be the hero. Why wouldn't she hide? Why wouldn't she wait for them? She had to know they were coming for her. She had to know Garrus would find her eventually. Getting herself killed to expedite the process wasn't going to prove anything. All that would come of that is the inevitable collapse of his son.

They followed the trail of bodies and Teryk noticed Garrus taking a moment to make sure they weren't this Gideon as they ran. In the distance, he heard gunshots.

"She's close," Garrus said, obviously also having heard it. They sprinted down the corridor and came up on the chamber the gunfire was coming from. Just as it had stopped, Garrus started hacking his way through the door.

They burst through the room, readying their weapons, but Garrus didn't even have time to raise his rifle before he saw her.

As she stood there, amongst the corpses of her foes, Teryk turned to look at his son.

He recognized it as soon as it hit Garrus' face. It had hit Teryk the same way, all those years ago. He could replay the moment in his head with perfect clarity. Decades later he could recall the memory at will like he was seeing it for the first time. And now he was watching it again, like a third person view of his own memory.

Shepard turned, raising her shotgun at them with a sneer, thinking they were threats. And Teryk watched as Garrus realized that he was hopelessly, and uncontrollably, in love with her.

* * *

><p><em>Damn it, <em>Garrus thought as he fumbled with the door's mechanism. He was rushing and couldn't slow his hands down. If he didn't relax he was going to mess it up. But she was in there, he knew she was. The gun fire had stopped so they were either just in time, or just seconds too late.

The doors whooshed opened and the three men marched into the space. Spirits, the smell of human blood was overwhelming.

But there she was.

It hit him like a freight train.

Shepard turned around, raising her weapon at, what she thought was, new enemies. And in that moment before realization hit her face, she was absolute in her power. Her clothes were so ripped and torn you could hardly call them that anymore. All four of her limbs were drenched in blood and he didn't know how much of it was hers and how much was that of those she had killed. The right side of her face was covered as well, her furious green eyes showing through the blood and strands of hair.

"Oh god," he said softly. He reached out a hand and braced himself on his father's shoulder. It was all he could do to keep from hitting his knees. Spirits, she was _perfection._ He felt like something had slammed full speed into his stomach and had completely knocked the wind out him. His heart leaped into his throat and started beating faster and faster until it was just an unintelligible hum. He tried to take a breath, but it just wouldn't come. Just seeing her, realizing how purely and utterly enamored with her he had become, left him in stunned silence. _Of course _he was in love with her. She was _everything_ to him, she had been for _months _now. How could he not have realized it sooner?

_Stupid, __**stuipid**__, turian._

"Goddess Arashu," Thane said softly.

"Garrus…?" she said, her eyebrows upturning with realization.

He took a step toward her, commanding himself to stay on his feet, to be strong for her.

"Yeah, Shepard," he said.

She smiled, the relief in her was visible as she started to sway. The shotgun shivered in her hand and she lowered it to her side. As the realization that she didn't have to fight anymore hit, the exhaustion hurriedly overtook her.

"You," she said as she wavered back and forth. "You came for me…"

"Of course I came for you," he said, taking another step toward her.

She started trembling as she tried to say something, but her knees gave out and she fell backward. Garrus reacted immediately, abandoning his rifle and running to her.

Shepard was in his arms before the gun even hit the ground.

He caught her with a hand behind her shoulders, and the other hand cradling her head. She went limp in his arms and he could feel her body shuddering. Spirits, he didn't realize just how bad she was hurt. She was riddled with bullet holes and burn marks. How was she still alive?

"Hey," she whispered with a tired smile.

"Hey," he said back.

"You look like hell," she said with a cough.

"Not all of us can pull off half-dead like you can," he said with a laugh, trying to assess her wounds. "You okay?"

"Been better," she said weakly. "But I didn't let him break me. I count that as a win."

"Me too," Garrus said as he bent and lifted her into his arms. He pressed his forehead to hers as he stood again. "I've got you now, Jane. Leave the rest to me."

She nodded before her head fell to the side and unconsciousness claimed her.

He exhaled through his nose and motioned his head toward Thane.

"Krios," he said. "Take her."

Krios obliged, but the confusion was obvious on his face. Garrus tried to ignore how the image of Thane holding Shepard made his blood hot.

"You're faster than me and she's in bad shape. Go. Get her to Chakwas."

"Of course," he said with a nod before turning and sprinting back to the Normandy.

Garrus took a moment to try and compose himself with a hand over his eyes and a few deep breaths before turning and heading back into the gut of the ship.

"Where are you going?" Teryk asked, watching him go.

"I'm going back for Gideon," Garrus growled.

"Wait, Garrus," Teryk said picking up Garrus' gun from where he had abandoned it. "Your rifle."

"I won't be needing it," he said as he stomped off. "Not for Gideon."


	32. Home

_**This chapter officially marks the beginning of my month long hiatus from posting chapters. Sense and Flexibility will return on April 5th 2012. Thank you all for your enormous support for my much needed break, I really appreciate it. I know you won't even miss me as we'll all be too busy playing Mass Effect 3 and i'll be going to school and all sorts of stuff!**_

_**Keep in mind I will still be on my blog, facebook, and twitter, just hanging around so feel free to contact me anytime for chats! Visit my profile page for the numerous ways to contact me! ^_^**_

_**Lovelovelove**_  
><em><strong>Roarkshop<strong>_

* * *

><p>Teryk knew better than to offer to help Garrus on his murder-quest, and he most <em>certainly <em>knew better than to try and stop him. Strapping his son's rifle onto his back, Teryk sprinted back to the Normandy, trying to navigate his way back the way he came to avoid running into unnecessary trouble. When he came through the airlock Solana was pacing with her arms crossed.

"_There _you are," she said with a relieved exhale. "When the drell brought Shepard down and you two didn't follow I thought something might have happened."

"Shouldn't you be helping Shepard?"

"Lynn and the Salarian have it under control. Wait, where's Garrus?"

"He went back," Teryk said with an exhale.

"What?" the pilot said, swiveling around in his chair. "Why in the hell would he do that? We need to split before the Shadow Broker sends a god damn welcoming committee or something."

"He's gone back for Gideon, the leader."

"Oh, Gideon's still alive?" Joker asked, taking his hat off and rubbing the top of his head. "Well, alright, that makes sense. _I guess_ I'll wait then."

"Did you even _attempt _to bring him back with you?" Solana asked, sternly tapping her foot.

"You should know better, Solana," Teryk said as he turned to head down to the Med Bay. "It's like we've had a wild animal on board, caged in a room too small to stand up in. Do you really think there was any stopping him? As soon as he saw Shepard, so wounded and hurt, the dam broke. There's nothing holding him back now, and I know better than to get in his way."

"Well what do we do?" Solana asked as they loaded onto the elevator.

"He's going to become completely unhinged, Sol. Unless we can wake up the one who holds the reigns to the horse."

* * *

><p>Garrus held it together just long enough to understand Tali's instructions on how to get to the Engineering Hangar where Gideon was hiding. He heard the directions, heard her tell him there were 10 other men down there, and heard her start trying to stop him, but his brain acknowledged that it wasn't critical information and he very soon stopped listening. Once Thane had confirmed that Shepard was on board the Normandy and safe, he steadily let his rage run through him. There was no reason to control it, after all. The mission, the one thing occupying his mind enough to keep the blood haze at bay, was complete. And in its place was only pure, unadulterated, hate.<p>

Maybe if they had gotten here sooner and Garrus hadn't received a life altering epiphany, Shepard's safety would be enough to satisfy him. But now that he knew, now that he understood just what she was to him, he couldn't just walk away. He couldn't leave the job unfinished knowing full well he may never get another chance. No, Garrus was on the same ship as the only person in the _universe _who had ever made Shepard truly _suffer_, and there was no way they both got off this ship alive.

As he continued down the long corridor his thoughts became less and less coherent. They ceased to be ideas and were replaced by images, flashes of scenes that were forever burned into his memory; A ten-year-old girl, bloodied and restrained, kicking and screaming. That same girl now a woman, bound to an electrocution chair, her face bruised and bleeding, her throat tense with the pain. Then she was in his arms, shivering, fighting the shock, covered in blood, bones broken, throat and shoulders singed from where she had been tortured.

Suffice it to say that by the time Garrus found Gideon and his men, he had ceased to be rational.

Garrus roared as he grabbed the first human he came in contact with by the helmet and spun his head around making a satisfying _crack _before he fell to the ground in a heap. Garrus heard garbled cries and gunshots in the distance, made quiet by the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. He felt a dull thud on his leg, then one on his chest, but ignored them as he reached through a merc's shields and sank his bare talons into his jugular and quickly detached it from his body. The human gurgled and sank to the floor.

Garrus felt a sharp pain in his side and it did nothing but fuel him further as he grabbed the nearest human by the shoulder, turned him around, and sank his heel into the small of his back. He heard the familiar snapping sound of a spinal cord severing and turned his attention to the remaining threats. Another merc, who had gotten too close, was pulled into Garrus' chest by an arm around his throat. Garrus pressed the merc's back against him and manipulated the human's hand that had a gun in it to shoot his two comrades across the room before making him press the barrel against his own head.

**Blam.**

They might as well have been children with pop guns considering the rate at which Garrus mowed them down.

Killing the ten mercs must have sated his rage somewhat considering he had the presence of mind to recognize that only Gideon was left. The human was on the ground, fumbling around with a clip, desperately trying to reload his pistol.

Garrus, growling, slowly approached Gideon and crouched onto the balls of his feet. The human was pretty obviously terrified since he froze completely and let Garrus, very gently, remove the gun and clip from his hands. Without taking his eyes off the cowering human, Garrus loaded the pistol with the clip and put a round through Gideon's leg.

The pained cry that came from Gideon's throat satisfied a very primal part of Garrus. He rolled his neck out and tried to calm down a little. If he didn't get a handle on his rage, Gideon would die _much_ too fast.

"Gideon," Garrus rumbled, staring down at him.

"Who- Who are you?" the human wailed, holding his bullet wound.

"What is it you humans call it?" Garrus said, tilting his head to the side. "The Grim Reaper?"

"Hey, man. I don't know where she is alright? Just leave me alone."

"Oh, I already found her. I found her covered in _singe marks _where you had _electrocuted_ her."

**Blam.** Garrus put a bullet through Gideon's other leg.

"I found her full of _bullet holes _where your people had _shot _her."

**Blam.** A round through his stomach.

"I found her amidst a pile of corpses, on the brink of death from the _torture _she had endured."

**Blam.** A round through his right shoulder.

Each shot made Gideon scream out in agony, and Garrus had to bite down his smile.

"Wh-why," the human whined, coughing blood. "If you've…ung… already found her… why are you doing this?"

"Because I know," Garrus said, grabbing Gideon by the throat and standing, lifting the flailing merc into the air. "I know everything, Gideon. I know about _Jane_. I know about _Deelia_. I know it all."

"Oh, god. You- you're the brother aren't you? The hostage's brother."

"It would appear," Garrus growled through clenched teeth. "That you have _fucked_ with the _wrong_ turian's human." He punctuated the sentence by slamming Gideon against the wall, making him cry out in pain again.

"Please," he croaked out, clutching at Garrus' hand around his throat. "I'll never go near her again just… Just let me go."

"After what _you've _done you expect to be able to just walk away?" Garrus lifted him and slammed him into the wall again, the rage slowly building back up. "You think I'd let you live after how you've _hurt _her?" Garrus threw his other hand, still holding the pistol, into Gideon's face exactly how he had done it to Shepard only hours ago. "No, Gideon, this is where you die. I will not allow you to hurt her again."

"Jane," Gideon coughed out. "Jane wouldn't want you to do this."

Garrus let the gun fall out of his hands and roared a vicious, savage sound, as he moved his hands to grip Gideon by the shirt. He slammed the human into the wall so hard he heard his skull crack against the wall.

"**Don't you call her that**," he snarled. "**Don't you talk about her like you **_**know **_**her**_**.**_"

The human tried to gurgle something else out but Shepard's voice brought Garrus out of his blood haze.

"….Garrus…" she said.

"No, Shepard," said Teryk in Garrus' earpiece. "No, it's Teryk."

"Where is he," she said. "Where's Garrus?"

"He went back for Gideon, Jane," Solana said.

"He did **WHAT**?" She roared.

Garrus lowered Gideon to the ground so he could concentrate on listening rather than holding the human up. There was a scuffle in the background.

"Jane," Chakwas said. "What on _Earth_ are you doing, girl? Lie back down before you further injure yourself!"

"Get off me, god damn it, I'm going after him."

"Commander!" Mordin shouted in the background. "Need to stop bleeding! Serious ramifications if-"

"Shut up! Get him back here!" Shepard screamed. "Joker!"

"Shepard?" Joker said over the speakers.

"Patch me to Garrus' comm. Right this god damn second!"

"Already done, Shepard."

"Hey Ugly," she shouted. "I am refusing _all_ medical treatment until I see your stupid face! If you let me die in this florescent hell hole I will use your leathery hide to _reupholster my god damn couch!"_ He could hear her panting and coughing after she had finished shouting.

"Shit," Garrus said to himself, tightening his grip on Gideon's shirt. "Sorry human, it looks like I might have to cut our date short."

He threw Gideon against the stacks of large metal drums stored against the opposite wall. The need to get back to Shepard suddenly became much more important than his rage, and he felt the anger slowly easing out of his chest. Still, he fired another round into each of Gideon's legs. You know, for good measure.

"Jesus Christ!" Gideon cried.

Garrus approached and fired the butt of the pistol into one of the large drums against the wall. Fuel immediately started spilling down onto the floor, surrounding Gideon. Garrus, making sure to keep clear of the liquid, removed his father's lighter from his pocket and thumbed it over in his hand.

"No," Gideon cried, holding a hand up. "Jesus, don't! Please! You don't have to do this!"

"Yes I do," Garrus said after a deep breath, his rational mind coming back to him. "You represent something, Gideon, something that needs to end."

Gideon wailed and begged as he tried to crawl his way out of the fuel.

"Take comfort in that you aren't dying alone, Gideon," Garrus said, flicking his thumb and igniting the lighters flame. "Jane Doe dies with you."

Garrus tossed the lighter across the room and it spun before landing sideways in the puddle of fuel. The ground came alight immediately and Gideon watched as it crawled, spreading across the liquid to his feet, consuming all it came in contact with. As Garrus turned to sprint down the halls of the Augustine, he listened to Gideon scream, terror and pain echoing through the hollow space.

He smiled.

As he charged through the airlock, panting, Joker turned to acknowledge him.

"You're in so much trouble, dude," Joker chided.

"No time, _dude,_" Garrus said. "I think the Augustine's going to explode."

"The who's going to _what_?"

"Yeah I may have started a fire in the Engine Room, so unless you want to see whatever that turns into, I'd recommend jumping us the hell out of here."

"What the shit!" Joker said as he panicked, turning back to the controls. "EDI! Get us the shit out of shit!"

"Initiating FTL drives," EDI cooed.

Garrus stumbled as the ship took off, but quickly regained his footing and made his way downstairs only to find Shepard standing in a puddle of her own blood in a corner of the Med Bay, holding a gun on everyone. They all had their hands up like hostages and sighed with relief when they saw Garrus come in.

"What the…" Garrus said as he stepped in. "Who the hell gave you a gun?"

"That's my gun," Teryk said with his hands up defensively. "She's faster than she looks."

"Well I'm here now," he said, turning to her. "Will you lie back down now, you stubborn human?"

She didn't say anything, just let the gun fall to her side and held her other hand out to him weakly.

He exhaled a slow breath as he approached and took her hand in his, intending to pick her back up and put her back on the bed. Before he even saw her move, however, her other hand had dropped the gun and firmly gripped him by the throat. The tips of her fingers dug into his jugular and made him choke on his own breath.

"If you _ever_," she said, glaring up at him. "Go onto an enemy ship without me on your six again, I will _**calibrate, **_your _**face**_ with my _**FISTS!**_ _Do you understand me, Vakarian_?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he choked out.

Immediately her grip loosened and she slid her hand to the side of his throat, letting her head fall onto his armored chest, exhausted. He coughed and inhaled.

"Don't," she said softly. "Don't do that again."

"I won't, Shepard," he said as he lifted her into his arms, and put her back into the bed before rubbing his throat.

"Sedate her," he heard Chakwas whisper to Solana, who obliged immediately.

It was only moments before Shepard drifted back into unconsciousness, and Garrus sighed.

"Well?" Teryk asked, crossing his arms, taking note of the amount of blood Garrus was covered in. "Did you get him?"

"I came back, didn't I?"

* * *

><p>Garrus sat besides Shepard's bed through the night, listening to the sound of her heart, the mellow hum of the machinery monitoring her vital signs, her shallow breath.<p>

He felt so helpless.

He thought about how he had ignored the advances of the girl on Omega, how his body had reacted to Shepard but no one else. He thought about how Thane had been irritating him, how his dad had been trying to tell him. He thought about how his instincts had kicked in when he was wounded in the Med Bay, his predator instinct to protect her overtaking his instinct to survive. He thought back to sparring with her on the SR1, how he had almost lost control. Spirits, how far back did it go?

Garrus put his face in his hands as he sat in the dark Med Bay. He should have seen it. He should have recognized that it was happening and stopped it before it got to this point. What was he going to do now? Now that he was in love with his best friend who had told him, on several occasions, that their friendship was too important to take a chance? Spirits, he was an idiot.

Damn his dad, why did he have to push it? If he hadn't tried to _make_ him realize it, maybe he never would have. Maybe Shepard and he could have just gone on as normal until they died in the Omega Four.

That was unlikely. Regardless of what his dad had said beforehand it had nothing to do with the overwhelming feeling inside him when he found her on the Augustine; When he saw her doused in the blood of her enemies, when he saw the power in her face.

The memory made his heart thrum in his chest.

He was definitely in trouble.

Whatever the case, he knew now. And now that he realized just how much of his world she possessed it would be all the more struggle to keep it together. Could he continue on as usual? What happens when Thane realizes how Shepard feels about him? What happens when they finally confront each other? The thought made his blood boil. Now that he realized just how important she was to him, the thought of Thane, or any other man, getting that close to her…

Garrus exhaled a frustrated breath as he leaned back into the chair, studying the details of Shepard's face. The realization crept up on him that none of that mattered anymore. He had her back now, she was safe, she was alive, and he was going to make sure nothing like the past two days ever happened again. He resolved to stay by her side, her number two, for as long as she would have him there, because that's what was important, both to him and to her. He had spent years earning a place in her heart and he _damn _sure wasn't about to forfeit that with a ridiculous confession about something that he could just as easily keep to himself.

As Garrus sat there watching her, the strain of the past two days, the exhaustion, finally hit him, and he started drifting.

The beat of her heart and the sound of her breath was the music to which he fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Awareness came back to Garrus slowly. He didn't know how much time had passed, but he didn't feel like he had slept for long. Sleeping in the chair had made his neck stiff, so he rolled it out and opened his eyes, only to find he was looking at an empty bed.<p>

"What the hell," he said as he snapped awake and stood. All the machines had been turned off and all the wires that had been connected to Shepard were abandoned on the bed. "EDI," Garrus said, more urgently then he had meant to. "Where the hell is Shepard?"

"The Commander is in the Cockpit."

"Stubborn human," he said to himself as he tromped toward the elevator. He shouldn't have been surprised. Why had he ever expected her to stay in the Med Bay when she could just as easily cause herself serious damage by leaving it, impetuous woman that she was.

The CIC was completely abandoned this early in the morning, but he saw the red of her hair at the end of the corridor as soon as the elevator doors opened. She was just standing there behind Joker's chair, staring out the windows.

Garrus made his way to her slowly, trying to figure out what he was going to say to her.

"Hey," was what he came up with.

"Hey," she said, turning her head only slightly to acknowledge him.

"You shouldn't be up, Shepard," he said.

"He's dead isn't he?" She turned to look at him over her shoulder, a sadness in her eyes. There was a bandage on the side of her forehead over her eyebrow, but the pain in her face was obvious. Garrus silently made note that her hands, still wrapped in bandages, were holding her stomach. "Gideon… He's dead."

The question made Garrus pause a few feet behind her, unsure of how to answer. He decided that, considering the depth of the subject matter, simple honesty would be the best approach.

"Yes," was all he said.

She sighed and Garrus saw her shiver as she turned back around to look out the windows.

"Did he beg?"

"Yes."

She laughed once, humorlessly.

"It's funny," she said softly. "I had always assumed Gideon had died back on Earth years ago. But, somewhere in my head, I guess I always knew he was out there. It's… it's like I could feel that he was thinking about me in the pit of my stomach." She looked down. "Why, Garrus? Why did you go back for him?"

"I had to," he said as he closed the gap between them. He took his spot, his rightful spot, at her side and looked down at her. "I made you that promise a long time ago, Shepard."

"I remember no such promise," she said without looking up at him.

"Well I never _told_ you I made it," he said. "But that doesn't mean I didn't make it."

She laughed.

"You're upset."

"No," she said. "I'm not…"

He reached a hand over to her chin and lifted it with two fingers so that he saw the tear stains on her cheek. He responded only by exhaling through his nose.

"Seriously, I'm not," she said with a half-hearted smile.

"Yeah I can see that," he said sarcastically, releasing her chin.

"It's just…" she sighed and looked back out at the stars. "I feel like I've lost a knot in my stomach that I've had for over a decade. It's an odd feeling, to not have it haunting me anymore, like it was always _supposed _to be there and I shouldn't be allowed to just forget it all. But, I can finally let it go. Carmine, Gideon, Finch, The Reds…" She sighed and shook her head. "Deelia… All of it. It's over. Really over."

"Yeah," he lied, looking out the windows.

Garrus knew it wasn't over; he still had a score to settle with the Shadow Broker after all. Just because the main character had been killed was no reason to let the puppet master off the hook. No, he would take the fight to the Shadow Broker sooner or later; he would make sure of it. But he didn't need to tell Shepard that. He didn't want to say anything to interrupt the relief in her. The touch of her bandaged fingers on his elbow snapped him out of his thoughts, and he felt her slide them down the inside of his forearm to put her hand in his. He swallowed, and looked down at her.

"Thank you, Garrus," she whispered before looking up at him.

He didn't say anything for fear of saying something stupid. Instead, he replied with a single nod.

Shepard let her head fall onto his shoulder, and he turned to her so that she could rest it on his chest before wrapping her in his arms.

"I uh…" He cleared his throat. "You should really get back in the Med Bay and sleep."

"Just let me stay like this," she said, nuzzling his chest with her face. "Just for a while."

He exhaled and lifted a hand to stroke the back of her hair, letting her scent surround him.

"It's good to be home," she said.

"It's good to have you home," he replied.


	33. Recouperation

_**Roarkshop here: My goodness it's great to be back! Please check out my blog for an author's note about upcoming chapters. Links to the many ways to contact me still found on my profile. Thank you for waiting out my Hiatus with me. While I returned a few days later than I originally wanted to, it feels great to be back and I'm so glad to have you all along for the ride. Also thank you to Kagarbett for making the wonderful art that I used as the icon for this chapter. You can find it on my blog and my Deviant Art! Send her some love!  
><strong>_

_**All comments/reviews/private messages are read, cherished, and loved. I try to reply to them all so keep your eyes on your inboxes! **_

_**Love and laughter**_

_**Roarkshop**_

_**P.S. Did I mention how GREAT it feels to be back? =D  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>Garrus had left the sleeping Shepard in the Med Bay with Solana and the doctors early that morning; since he was just getting in the way. He needed time away from her anyway. He still had a lot of sorting out to do in his own head and he wasn't going to get it done if he stayed in the same room as Shepard. Every time he was around her now his brain was about as useful as Wrex in a chess match, not to mention how the images of her in that chair were singed into his subconscious, flashing across his mind whenever he looked at her. He needed to stay busy, to stop thinking about it. Garrus checked in on the Main Battery to make sure the Normandy was still operating at optimum capacity, which of course it was, then headed up to the Cockpit to check on Joker and try to figure out their next destination. He told the pilot to start heading back to Omega until Shepard told them differently, to which Joker responded with "You're not the boss of me," and proceeded to do as he was told. Garrus laughed and headed back downstairs, having satisfied himself in wasting a few hours before thoughts of Shepard took over again.<p>

The mood of the ship had very quickly returned to its regular upbeat one now that Shepard was safe and recuperating in the Med Bay. The engineers would flirt with each other, Grunt ate, Jack cursed, Mordin rambled. Garrus smiled to himself. Nothing was different. He could do this.

He thanked Mess Sgt. Gardener for the tray of, completely foul-smelling, Levo-amino food that was supposed to serve as Shepard's breakfast, before crossing the Mess Hall and making his way to the Med Bay.

"Garrus!" Shepard cheered before the doors could even finish sliding open. She threw her arms in the air and hurled herself onto him. Lucky for him he'd had the presence of mind to move the tray of food into one hand and hold it out to the side so she didn't run into it as she leaped and wrapped her legs around his waist. Her fingers linked together behind his neck and he instinctively caught her with his other arm around the small of her back to keep her from falling.

"….Uh…" was all he could really think to say.

"Good morning!" she sang, tilting her head to the side. Her bright eyes and smile illuminated her face and he could feel her heart beating through her wrists pressed up against the back of his neck.

In the instant that Garrus stood there with Shepard straddling him; her waist in one arm, her breakfast in the other, he realized just _how _different everything was, and that there was absolutely no going back. Not anymore.

He cleared his throat. "Good morning?"

"Solana!" Shepard said, turning to look over her shoulder at the nurse. "Have you met Garrus? I _love_ this guy!"

Solana laughed. "Yes. Yes I have."

"Whatcha doing?" Shepard slurred, turning back to face Garrus.

"I'm bringing you breakfast?" He said, motioning his head to the tray, but still wildly confused.

Shepard looked over at the food and then, wide eyed, looked back at Garrus. "This…this is all for me?"

"What's the matter with you? Of course it is. Do you see anyone _else_ in here incapable of getting their own breakfast?"

Her eyebrows upturned and her bottom lip trembled. The glisten of tears filled her eyes and Garrus looked back and forth between them trying to decipher what the hell was going on. Her chest heaved and she tucked her head into the crook of his neck as she started to cry.

"You…are… the best…best friend….ever…" she said between sobs.

Garrus looked over Shepard's shoulder at Solana hoping she could read the panic from his face.

"Did I just walk into an alternate reality or something?" Garrus asked.

"Pain killers," Solana corrected. "Lots of them."

"Unethical!" Mordin raged, hands in the air. "Administered more than twice recommended amount of anesthetic pain killers for human form. Side effects obvious!" He pointed at the loopy Shepard to accentuate his point before turning to Chakwas. "Took Oath! Do no harm! _Do no harm!"_

Chakwas shrugged her shoulders. "I needed to keep her in the Med Bay," she said, confident that it justified her actions.

"Oh. Good call," Garrus said, laughing. He was relieved. Feelings aside, if this became the norm for Shepard greeting him it would be problematic. He tried to ease her down, but her ankles were linked behind him and he couldn't get her to move. "Shepard, you need to get down now."

"I love you, man," she wept into his throat.

"Spirits," he said walking awkwardly with her attached to him. "She's got a grip like a wild pyjack." Once he got her back to the bed she let go and slowly slinked off him and onto her knees.

"Why are you so good to me?" She sobbed into her hands.

"Would you stop crying, you crazy human?" He put the tray down in front of her and she picked up a square piece of cardboard and smiled at it.

"Awww yeah," she said, having completely stopped crying. "Toast! I _love_ toast!"

Shepard proceeded to eat like she had never seen food before, and everyone in the room laughed. Well, everyone but Mordin.

"Sol," Garrus said, taking a seat across from Shepard. "I told Joker to head back to Omega so we can drop you and Dad off by tomorrow."

"Whaaa?" Shepard said. "Waf's revicurumf!"

"Jane, don't talk with your mouth full," Chakwas chided.

"That's ridiculous," Shepard clarified after swallowing a large portion of food. "Why would we go back to Omega?"

"As much as I like it here, Jane," Solana said. "I'm afraid I'm not exactly cut out for ship life. I want to get my feet back on solid ground."

"That'sh not what I meant," Shepard said, arms flailing. "I mean we can take you back to the Citadel. Why take you back to Omega and make you take the trip back when you're already on a ship now?"

"That's out of your way isn't it?"

"No," she said waving her toast dismissively. "We have to go to there anyway."

"Huh? We do?" Garrus asked.

"Yeah. We gotta do that heist thingy for Kasumi-chan."

"Jane," Chakwas said, the light-hearted tone disappearing. "You are in _**no**_ shape to be undertaking a mission!"

"Hey, whoa! Take it easy, Mother Goose," Shepard said with her hands up defensively. "I'll have plenty of time to heal up on the way there, it's like a week out. Besides, it's a heist so I get to play spy! No guns required."

"Yeah," Garrus said with a smile, leaning his chin on his fist. "Because your plans never stray from the path and turn into giant explosions with legs."

She smacked him in the face with her toast.

"Damn it, you!" she said. "I was only gone two days! How did you manage to turn back into the Pessimism Fairy?"

Garrus laughed and reached a hand up to wipe his face off where she had hit him. When the the Med Bay doors whooshed open and Thane peered into the space, he very quickly stopped smiling.

Shepard threw her arms in the air and squealed again, throwing her toast.

"Thane!" Shepard clamored to her feet and threw her arms around the drell's neck just like she had done to Garrus. Krios caught her with his hands under her thighs and Garrus fought the urge to rush over and punch him. "Good Morning," she sang.

Thane, obviously a little confused, cleared his throat.

"Good Morning, Siha," he said before urging Shepard off of him. Garrus realized his hands were aching from bunching them into fists, so he shook his head out and put his hands on his knees.

"Garrus," Shepard said, turning to face him, pointing back at the drell. "Have you met Thane? I _love_ this guy!"

* * *

><p>Garrus needed to inform his dad of the new plan, and get away from Thane before he did something stupid, so he headed down to Engineering to find him. When he did, Teryk was sitting with Gabby and Ken playing cards on the floor.<p>

"Haggis-burgers!" Ken cursed. "How in the bleedin' hell do you do that?"

"It's a gift," Teryk said, nodding to Garrus as he entered.

"Your dad is kicking our asses," Gabby said with a laugh.

"I kicked your asses only a few months ago," Garrus said. "What makes you think you'd beat the person who taught _me _to play cards?"

"Well shit," Ken said, throwing his cards on the floor and standing. "I didn't even think of that."

Teryk laughed as he stood. Ken and Gabby dismissed themselves for breakfast and Garrus cleared his throat as the awkward silence filled the room. Uncomfortable silence was Teryk's sharpest weapon, and Garrus knew it. If he was going to get his dad to talk about this, he was going to have to make the first move.

"How did you know?" He finally asked once he was sure Engineering was empty. He didn't clarify, he could see from the look on his dad's face that he knew exactly what Garrus was talking about.

Teryk exhaled and leaned against the railing. "I just saw in you everything I refused to see in myself all those years ago."

Garrus rubbed the back of his neck and exhaled, leaning his elbows on the railing.

"When did you realize?"

Teryk laughed. "Garrus," he said. "We've had our disagreements in the past, but you've never _pushed_ me in your life. Never, that is, until you stepped between Shepard and I on Omega."

Garrus scoffed and hung his head. "I was wondering why you got so pissed off about my scar. You weren't mad about that, you were mad about her."

"It was certainly unexpected."

"What do I do?" Garrus said, turning around to lean on the railing shoulder to shoulder with his dad. "How did I let this happen?"

"It's not something you _let _happen, Pup," Teryk said, crossing his arms.

"I should have seen it," he sighed. "I could have stopped it."

"Should have, would have, could have. But you didn't, so it's no use dwelling on it now. You'll feel better after you talk to her about it."

"Are you insane?" Garrus snapped, shifting his weight. "I can't tell her. Not now. Not _ever._"

Garrus couldn't remember the last time his dad was stunned into silence and thought idly whether or not he should mark the occasion.

"I'm the only real friend she's got, Dad," Garrus explained, sensing the confusion. "I've heard her say, several times in fact, that she would never do anything to risk our friendship. It's _that _important to her, so it's _that _important to me." He sighed and looked down at his feet. "So it has to come first."

Teryk's heart sped up, only slightly, but enough that Garrus noticed it. What about all of this rubbed him so wrong? Nothing like _this _should bother him enough to cause a reaction.

"So what," Teryk said finally. "You're just going to keep up the act until you both _die_?"

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," Garrus said. "Chances are we don't even survive the Omega Four anyway. What's the point?"

"If you're going to die anyway, what's the point in staying _quiet_?"

"What do you know?" Garrus barked, waving a dismissive hand. "You don't know her; you don't know how much our friendship means to her. This isn't some 'Fleet and Flotilla' cross-species liaisons. I'm nothing if not logical; Once it's out in the open there's no going back to what we are now. There's just that awkward conversation where she confirms that I'm a fool. The damage would be irreparable, and I care about Shepard too much to hurt her by making her tell me she doesn't feel the same way."

"That's ridiculous," Teryk scoffed.

"Why are you pushing this? You can't _want _me to have her. I thought you'd be pleased to know I gave up on it."

Teryk exhaled through his nose and crossed his arms. "I'll admit," he said. "I wasn't exactly thrilled to realize that you had fallen for a human girl. But, I figured you and I had enough problems just being who we are without openly disapproving of your choice in mates. I don't know which is more unsettling, Garrus; The fact that you've fallen for a human or the fact that you're such a _coward_."

"Shut up!" Garrus snapped, pointing at his dad. "You don't know anything."

"Really, _**I**_ don't know anything?" Teryk advanced on his son, equaling, if not surpassing, Garrus' intensity. "I know that happiness isn't something that is _handed_ to you when you have reached a certain point in your life. Happiness is _earned_. I have watched your mother slowly die for five years while you pursued your life. Knowing that I am going to outlive her haunts me every moment of every day. But I only feel that torment, that terror, because for thirty-five years before that I shared in a love that is so powerful, so perfect, that those years aren't worth trading for anything else in the galaxy. She's my entire world; I would destroy _planets _if I thought it would cure her. But nothing can, Garrus. And though her fate has been sealed, I have never, ever _**once **_regretted falling in love with her." He exhaled and rolled out a shoulder as a means of composing himself. "I taught you better than that."

Garrus blinked several times, unsure of how to even react to his dad being so passionate about something. He reached up a hand and rubbed the back of his neck with an anxious exhale.

"It's not the same situation," he said finally. "You can't compare Shepard and I to you and Mom."

"And why not?"

"You mean besides the fact that you and mom are the same species?" Garrus snapped.

"Yes. Besides that, how is this so different?"

"Because, Dad. Mom has always told us that the instant she laid _eyes _on you she knew you were the one for her. This isn't like that. Shepard doesn't _want _me. How could she? We look like science fiction monsters from her planet. You said it yourself; The drell makes the most sense."

"Spirits of Palaven, Garrus, I only used the most likely target to get under your plates and get you to realize what was happening around you. I didn't think you'd actually believe that something was going on between them."

"I've heard her talking about it, Dad. I know she wants that green son-of-a-bitch. What do you expect me to believe, hmm? What I _want _to believe? Or what I know to be fact?"

Teryk raised his hands and took his son firmly by the shoulders, his features softening in a way Garrus hadn't seen in many years.

"Neither," Teryk said softly. "Believe that when she was dying in that hospital bed, the first thing she said when she opened her eyes was your name."

Garrus' eyes widened and his heart leapt into his throat. He swallowed, trying to push it all down, but he could see that his dad had heard the thrumming inside him.

The image of her in the Med Bay flashed across his mind. Her eyes fluttering open as she reached out for him, called to him, only to realize he wasn't there.

The doors of Engineering whooshed open and snapped Garrus out of his thoughts. Solana strode in before taking notice of the moment between the two men.

"Oh… Sorry I was just-"

"No, it…" Garrus sighed and moved out of his dad's grip to head out of the room. "I was just leaving anyway." The doors shut behind him and the two listened as he loaded himself onto the elevator.

"Everything okay?" Solana asked.

"He's an idiot," Teryk said. "So no."

"Ah. This is about Jane, then."

"Yes."

"So he figured it out?"

"Yes. But he's being a coward."

"Daddy," she said, crossing her arms. "You can't expect this to be easy for him to process. Don't push him away again. Mom needs to see him before…" She cleared her throat and rubbed her forehead. "Anyway, I want him to come home."

"I know, Sol," Teryk said, taking her by the side of the neck. "I do too. He's just so damn stubborn sometimes."

"Really," she said, tilting her head to the side. "I wonder where he gets that."

Teryk laughed.

* * *

><p>Shepard startled awake in the Med Bay, the white-hot pain of the electric chair still flashing across her mind, Gideon's taunting echoing through her. Sweat rolled down her body and her heart was racing. She put a trembling hand on her head and commanded herself to regain control. She'd reached her quota for "crazy-allotted-in-a-single-lifetime", so she needed to get it together. Gideon shouldn't still have a hold on her. Not now that he was dead, rotting in space somewhere. Why couldn't she get away from him? Why couldn't she forget?<p>

Shepard cleared her throat and bit back angry tears. She couldn't just sit there thinking about how much pain she was in, about the burn in her limbs, about Gideon and his dirty tricks; and her heart was beating too fast to fall back asleep. She needed to busy herself. She needed to _do _something.

She turned and hung her feet off the side of the bed, only then noticing that Garrus was sitting next to her, asleep in the chair. She smiled. He had spent the last night there too, watching over her while she slept. Though it's not like he'd had a choice; Teryk was asleep in the Battery and Solana was up in the loft. But still, waking from a nightmare to see him there made everything a little better. Well… everything except the pain.

Shepard slowly lowered her feet onto the cold floor of the Med Bay and fire instantly shot through her calves as they tried to support her weight.

_God-damn-mother-fuck, _she cursed to herself, trying not to make any noise that would wake Garrus up. She only managed to take three excruciating steps before she failed.

"Where exactly," Garrus rumbled. "Do you think you're going?"

"What the eff," she said turning to him. She could see his bright eyes focusing on her through the darkness of the Med Bay. "I didn't even make any noise. How did you wake up?"

"I wasn't asleep."

"Oh. Well shit."

"Put yourself back," he said in a low tone. "Before I _put you_ back."

"Come on," she said with a smile. "I'm wounded; surely you can't be rough with me in this state."

"I'll do what I have to," he said coldly.

She faltered briefly, swallowing down her nerves.

"And here I thought there was only one dad on board," she said with a humorless laugh before taking the painful steps back to the bed. She turned and put her back to it, gripping the edge to hoist herself up, but Garrus was on his feet beside her before she could even attempt it. He put his hands on her hips and lifted her back onto the bed and she sighed as relief shot through her calves. "Thanks."

He didn't say anything, just sat back down and leaned his elbows on his knees, keeping his scrutinizing gaze on her.

"Feeling any better?" he asked tiredly.

"No," she admitted. "Worse. I don't understand. I remember jumping on you earlier today. I wasn't in any pain at all. Now the pain is…just…immense."

"Probably because Chakwas gave you enough pain killers to put down a thresher maw."

"Ah yeah, I remember something about that. Everything's a little fuzzy. I also remember something about Tali videotaping me on her omni-tool. Remind me to scold her for that later."

Garrus laughed. "Do you want me to go wake up Chakwas? She can give you something for the pain."

She waved a hand dismissively. "Leave her. She's been fussing about me enough these past two days. Let her sleep."

He exhaled through his nose disapprovingly.

"Don't give me that," she said. "Look at you; you look like you haven't slept in weeks."

"I haven't."

"What? At all?"

"Not much. I got _some _sleep last night once you were safe and I knew you were going to be okay. But before and after that… well it's been restless."

"I don't get you," she said with a laugh. "You know what a badass I am. Why do you worry over me like this?"

"I'm not worried," he defended. "Well not anymore. Sure, I was when you were on the Augustine..."

"You're a soldier, Garrus. You could sleep during the apocalypse if you really wanted to, so something is obviously on your mind."

He laughed. "That's just like you."

"What is?"

"Shepard, you just spent two days being _tortured_ and you're worried about me because I can't sleep."

"Don't change the subject," she said with a laugh, tapping him in the knee with her bare foot. "Talk to me."

He exhaled and studied her face for a long moment before hanging his head over his knees.

"We saw it all, Shepard," he said with a sigh. "Tali hacked through the Augustine's security footage a few hours before we got there. We saw what they were doing."

"Ah, crap," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "That's the _last_ thing I wanted. Was she okay?"

"She is now. She was pretty shaken though."

"Ugh," she scoffed putting her face in a hand. "Damn it. She's too good at this crap. She just gets herself into trouble." Shepard sighed and put her hands back on her knees. "Well, what about you? Is that what's got you restless?"

He put an elbow on the edge of the bed and leaned his forehead on his palm.

"I know that it's hard for you to understand," he admitted. "Humans especially don't seem to really grasp our nature. You can't possibly comprehend how strong my instinct to protect you is. It _possesses_ me when you're in trouble, Shepard." He cleared his throat. "I mean, you said it yourself; we're like family now. I'd be just as outraged if someone had tried to hurt Sol." He covered his eyes with his hand as the frustration started to build back up. "I can't get it out of my head Shepard; the image of you in that chair…bleeding and bruised and fighting. Spirits, I see it every time I close my eyes. I should have been there. I shouldn't have let them get to you."

"Hey," she said reaching a hand to take his. "It's okay now. I'm fine."

"I know," he said turning to look at her, squeezing her hand. "It'll pass eventually."

She lifted herself up on her hands to scoot over closer to him, putting her feet on his knees to keep herself up. He looked down at his knees and laughed.

"What?"

"Is _that _what your feet look like?"

Shepard looked down at her feet and wiggled her toes, quirking a brow. "You've never seen my feet?"

"No," he said taking her right foot in his hand and lifting it up to eye level. "I mean I guess I have but I never really noticed how weird they were. Look at you; too many fingers, too many toes."

"Well, I'll give you that one," she with a laugh, pointing her toes. "The number of toes really serves no purpose but to match our fingers."

He tilted his head to observe it. "Are all humans feet flexible like that?"

"Yeah," she said, illustrating her point by flexing her foot and then pointing it again. "We're not like you, primed to start sprinting on a moment's notice. We're flat footed."

"I remember seeing that somewhere," he said, running a talon along the arch in her foot as he spoke. She twitched, giggling and pulled her foot away, then winced with the pain as she did.

"What the hell was that?" he asked with a click of his mandibles.

"Don't do that," she said, suddenly sounding angry.

"Ho-lee-crap," he said with a grin.

"Ah, shit."

"The great _Commander Shepard_, pinnacle of humanity, Commander of the Normandy, and Reaper killer extraordinaire, is ticklish." He took her by the ankle and began to run the tips of his talons softly along the length of her foot. She squealed and tried to pull her foot away as she laughed but he had a good grip on it this time and she couldn't do anything but laugh and flail. He released her ankle, figuring her pulling on it must be hurting her, but that didn't stop him from laughing.

"Son of a bitch," she said angrily, tucking her feet under her. "I'm never going to live that down, am I?'

"No, Bug. No you aren't," he said, leaning his chin on his hand.

"Great," she scoffed, biting down a grin. "If you tell anyone I will lock you in Grunt's tank."

"Why would I tell anyone?" he said with a wicked grin. "That's going to be my little secret that I can lord over your head whenever I want to."

"Oi," she said. "I don't know which option is worse."

He laughed and sank back to prop his elbow up on the arm of the chair, leaning his head on his fist. She tilted her head to the side in that way she always did when she was thinking something over, studying his face.

_You can't possibly comprehend how strong my instinct to protect you is._

"Hey," she said. "I'm okay now."

"I know, Shepard."

"And I'm glad you weren't there. I mean if you were, they probably would have just used you against me."

He lifted his head from his hand and focused his cold eyes on her.

"If I had been there, they wouldn't have taken you. Period."

Shepard sighed. She couldn't imagine what he was thinking, having seen her go through that torture. If the tables were turned Shepard would probably have done much worse. Though the simple truth was he cared enough about her that he couldn't sleep because the thought of her being hurt was haunting him. True; he pretty much admitted to thinking of her as a little sister, but Shepard would take that. She didn't expect him to ever think about her the way she thought about him, and if she was important enough to him that he considered her family, that meant that no matter what happened he would stick with her. And that was enough. It was more than enough.

Shepard hung her feet off the bed and jumped back down, wincing as the pain shot through her again.

"_Now _where are you going?" he said, sitting up and preparing to stop her.

"Just shut up," she said as she turned to him, putting her hands on his knees. His mandibles clicked as he watched her slowly climb onto his lap and curl herself up against his chest. She tucked her head under his chin and wrapped her arms around his neck, settling against him. He wrapped her in his arms and lifted a hand to run it down her hair, thankful she couldn't hear how his heart had started pounding.

"Do you ever think about the old days?" she said with a sigh. "About how much you hated me on that first mission to Luna?"

"Ugh. Why do you have to bring up something I'm so ashamed of?"

She laughed. "I don't know why you're ashamed of it. It was perfectly reasonable."

"Maybe at the time. But thinking back on it, about how close minded I was, it's embarrassing," he said with a laugh. "So no. I don't think about it."

"I do," she said, starting to get tired again. "I think about it all the time."

"Why?"

"Because look at us, Garrus. I can't even imagine what I'd do _without_ you now. But back then, I don't know. We were so close to not being friends at all."

"Nonsense," he said, nudging the side of her head with his muzzle. "I would have come around eventually."

She laughed.

"You know what _**I **_think about a lot?" he said softly.

"Hmmm?

"How small my universe was before you came into it."

"Pfft. What are you even talking about?"

"Think about it. Before you ran into me on The Presidium; there were no Reapers, no Collectors, no Normandy. It was just me and my anger; angry about C-sec, angry about my father's rules, angry at the Council. Humans were overambitious fools, quarians were the scavengers who created the geth, and krogan were just bloodthirsty killing machines. Now look at me," he said, shifting to get comfortable in the chair with her against him. "One of my closest friends is a quarian, my family has more or less adopted my _best _friend; a human, and krogans…well…they're bloodthirsty killing machines."

Shepard laughed as they both settled and started drifting.

Garrus exhaled a slow breath against her hair. "My universe got a whole lot bigger once you walked into it."

"Mmm, yeah. So did your ego."

"Way to ruin the moment."


	34. Promises

_**Roarkshop here: Alright I know everyone is really excited to see Garrus and Shep get together. But it's not going to happen for a while so people can stop DEMANDING it of me. If the last 30 some odd chapters haven't been good indicators, I am taking my time with this story. And no amount of PM's or Comments will make me change when they get together. In fact, for every PM/Comment I get demanding that I rush the story and get to the "Good Parts" I will ADD another fluff chapter between now and then. So Stop it! Lol!**_

_**30 chapters seems like a long time to wait if all you want is the smutty bits. And in fact, I don't even know if I'm going to include smutty bits so, sorry to disappoint. **_

_**Now for the majority of you who have had such positive and overwhelming comments, thank you. You are the reason I can keep writing this story and I wish you all understood how much it means to me. Thank you so so so so much. **_

_**A Special shout out to ConnieCommaro (on deviant art) who did the FANTASTIC art icon for this chapter! LOOOOOVE!  
><strong>_

_**Lovelovelove**_  
><em><strong>Roarkshop<strong>_

* * *

><p>"If you want to go on this mission," Chakwas said, sounding an awful lot like a scolding parent, "then you're going to have to give me your word that you will not leave this Med Bay at <em>all <em>before then."

"What? That's like…. The worst conditions ever!"

"Those are my terms, Commander," the doctor said, crossing her arms. "Take them or leave them."

"_The Alliance Military does not negotiate with terrorists_!" Shepard shouted, throwing her fists up in the air.

"Well then I guess I'll have to tell Jeff that we're not going back to Citadel space," she threatened.

"Why should he listen to you over me," Shepard sneered, crossing her arms.

"Because, Commander," Chakwas said going to activate the comm. panel. "I control his pain medication."

"Alright!" Shepard said holding her hands out to her. "Fine, fine, I won't leave the stupid death-room until we arrive. Christ crackers you'd think I'd have some _authority _on this stupid boat."

"Authority is just an illusion, Jane," she cooed before sitting back down at her desk.

"Yeah, yeah."

The Med Bay doors whooshed open and Tali, folding her hands over each other, came into the room.

"Good morning, Jane," she said before going to sit at her side.

"Morning, Tali. How'd you sleep?"

"Alright. Can't complain. How are you feeling?"

"I hurt all over, but I'm healing up pretty nice," Shepard said, moving the sheet of the bed so she could hang her legs off the side. The wounds on her legs and arms from the numerous bullet wounds had already started to scar over. "I guess I have the cybernetics to thank for that."

"You might as well be a krogan now with the rate you heal," Tali teased. "But I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Good. Now that pleasantries are out of the way, I'm going to need you to delete that video you took yesterday."

The quarian's eyes smiled and she slapped her hands onto her knees.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about, Commander."

"Come on, Tali. I wasn't so out of it that I don't remember you doing it."

"Well you were 'out of it' enough to let me do it in the first place!"

"That's not the point," Shepard said with a grin. "The last thing I need is that getting leaked to the media. Jesus I thought my past was hard to live down."

Tali put a hand on her chest, feigning offense. "Why, Jane. I'm offended that you think I would take such a precious thing and leak it to _anyone._"

"I already know you showed it to Joker."

"Oooh," Tali said, slamming her fist on her knee. "That Bosh'tet! I should have known he couldn't be trusted."

They laughed.

"So has Garrus come by this morning?" Tali asked.

"Nope. He slept in here since his dad and sister were taking up the other rooms, but when I woke up he was gone and I haven't seen him since. He's not really fond of spending the day in here I don't think. _Kind of like me._"

"You're not leaving," Chakwas said, without turning around.

"Well I can't blame him, Jane," Tali continued. "It's hard for us to see you in such bad shape, Garrus and I especially. We've been with you for so long…"

"Yeah I know. It's hard for me too," she said with a laugh before clearing her throat. "By the way, Garrus told me about what you guys saw… you know… when I was still on the ship."

"Oh…" Tali looked down at her hands and started to run them over each other again.

"I'm sorry, Tali," Shepard said, reaching over to hold the quarian's shoulder. "I really wish you weren't so good at what you do sometimes. I didn't want you to have to see that."

"It was horrible," Tali admitted. "But I just keep reminding myself that you're alright now and that makes it better. I'm sure it'll go away with time."

"Yeah, you're tough, Tali."

"Well," Tali said, clearing her throat. "If you're going to make me delete this video, you should at least watch it with me once."

Shepard pursed her lips, thinking the concept over, before a smile crept across her face.

"Alright fine."

Tali brought the video up and went to sit next to Shepard on the bed. Shepard's face popped up on the screen with her arm wrapped around Kasumi's shoulders, singing an incredibly sour note at the top of her lungs.

"Yeah… this should never see the light of day," Shepard said.

* * *

><p>Garrus checked in with Jacob, Mordin, and Miranda before heading back to the Main Battery. He passed the Med Bay window to see Shepard, Tali, and Solana sitting with each other and laughing at whatever Tali was showing them on her omni-tool. Shepard had her face in her palm as she laughed, her face flushed with embarrassment, and Sol had a hand on her leg, comforting her as they laughed at her expense. Garrus smiled. Sol had always put on this front of being light-hearted and bubbly to avoid having to talk about how she had to take care of their mother, but Garrus could see through <em>that<em> the way he could see through Shepard's Commander mask. It wasn't the same thing when she was talking to Shepard, she was genuinely enjoying herself. He was surprised to see how fast Sol warmed to her, though now that he thought about it he shouldn't have been.

_That's Shepard for you, _he thought.

Garrus shook the thought out of his head and continued on to The Battery. He had to get it out of his head. Shepard was never going to think of him the way he thought about her. She wanted a big brother, a family, not …not…

He exhaled and opened the doors to The Battery to find his dad smoking and tinkering with the console.

"You certainly have this ship running smoothly, Garrus," he said as he exhaled a string of smoke.

"It's a good distraction if nothing else."

"You still think you're going to be able to reverse what's been done?" Teryk asked, turning to lean on the consol.

"I don't have much of a choice," Garrus admitted, sitting on the crates off to the side. "It's either that or spend the rest of my days pining after her like we're in some… ridiculous… romantic comedy."

Teryk laughed. "I wish I could be of more help, but I only ever fell for your mother."

"Yeah," Garrus said with an exhale. "Yeah I know."

"You have your work cut out for you. Solana seems to be quite smitten with her so I doubt you'll be able to avoid seeing her."

"If the only way to forget about her is to never see her again, I'd rather be the pining idiot."

"I see," Teryk said with a smirk. "You've got it bad, pup."

Garrus leaned back against the wall. "Yeah, I guess I do," he admitted. "I keep trying to pin point when it started, when the friendship first started changing, but I can't. It's just been little things here and there over the course of three years, building up more and more until it all came crashing down when I saw her covered in blood on the Augustine."

"She's certainly something," Teryk admitted with an exhale of smoke.

"You're not helping," Garrus said with an entertained smirk, looking up at him.

"I'm not trying to help. I think you're an idiot for running away."

"You can hardly call it running away."

"Oh? What would _you_ call it?"

Garrus thought for a minute, then laughed and put his head in his hand. "Running away."

"That's what I thought," Teryk said with a laugh. "Look on the bright side, the worst that could happen is that she has a squadron of tiny green babies with another man while you watch from the sidelines."

"I hate you. A lot."

* * *

><p>Soft-heart that she was, the human doctor inevitably changed the conditions of Shepard's promise so that she could now eat her meals in the Mess Hall with her crew rather than confined to the Med Bay. Teryk sat across from Garrus and next to Solana as they ate together. He was always surprised how good the food was for the Dextro-Amino's on board. Teryk was used to the generic military rations he had to eat when he served, but Mess Sergeant Gardener seemed to go out of his way to ensure satisfactory meals for both sides. Teryk figured that was more Shepard's influence than Cerberus, however. The Commander limped her way to the chair next to Garrus and Teryk observed as his son reached to pull the chair out without looking up from his food, as if he knew exactly where she was going. Shepard thanked him and sat slowly, trying very hard to hide the fact that she was in pain. It was like they didn't even know they were doing it, moving around each other, always aware of the other ones presence.<p>

Teryk felt Solana nudge him in the ribs, letting him know she saw it too. It had all become so natural to Garrus and Shepard that the only people who could really see what was going on were the obvious outsiders.

The quarian and the annoying yeoman went to sit on the other side of Solana, across from Shepard, and the ladies all chattered away like teenagers. Teryk took note that Shepard seemed to remain silent in conversations like these unless one of the other girls directly involved her. Then she would give a curt, witty retort. She had to be in a great amount of pain, and he wondered how everyone was so oblivious to it. Her brows were knitting together, sweat was starting to bead on her brow; even without the advantage of hearing how her body was reacting internally he could still see the strain she was putting forth.

And, obviously, he wasn't the only one.

Garrus reached under the table and Teryk saw Shepard turn to the side as Garrus lifted her legs onto his lap so she could lean back in her chair.

"Stop pushing yourself," he said softly, without looking up from his food. Teryk and Sol had heard him clearly, but it was obvious no one else at the table had except Shepard.

She didn't respond verbally, but her face turned pink as it filled with blood and her heart skipped. She jumped a little when the bald woman slammed her tray on the table.

"Glad to see you've stopped being a pussy and come out of the Med Bay, Shepard."

"I couldn't stay in there another minute," Shepard said. "It was torture to be hidden away from your kind, gentle demeanor, Jack."

"Yes, Jack," Tali interjected. "I'm always wondering why you don't have more friends, the sweetheart that you are."

"What can I say?" She said through her food. "I'm a fucking Care Bear deep down."

They laughed.

Jack, rather ungracefully, went on to explain how she had joined up with a cult years ago, detailing where she had gotten the haircut. She had even befriended a nice human couple and flew around the galaxy with them causing mischief.

"So you actually _have _had friends before. Color me surprised," Garrus teased as he finished his food.

"Fuck you, Garrus," she spat.

"Hey. Everyone needs a little help now and then. No shame in that," Shepard offered.

"Help. Right. They helped me to their _bed_. Then when we finally took down a big score they _helped _themselves to my share. I saw where that was going, so I got them first."

"Shoot-first-talk-later isn't usually conducive to a good friendship," Shepard said, sipping her tea.

"Neither is a friendship based on delinquency and corruption," Garrus added.

"That's easy for _you_ fuckers," Jack said, waving a hand. "Look at you douche bags. Peas in a god damn pod, the lot of you. It's easy to lecture someone about friendships when you're Commander-Fucking-Shepard and people fall in love with you if you so much as spit on their shoes."

Solana tried to hide a laugh behind her hand.

"I _wish_ it was that easy," Shepard said, motioning a hand to Garrus. "I'm pretty sure Garrus here hated me for a good 2 missions."

"Bullshit," Jack said, leaning into the table.

Kelly Chambers leaned her elbows on the table and put her face in her hands. "What's this? The inseparable two were once enemies?"

"Not just us, I'm pretty sure Tali didn't like him either. He was kind of a dick."

Garrus exhaled and leaned an elbow on the table. "Why do you have to bring this up again?" he said with a grin.

"Oh yeah," Shepard said, laughing and leaning forward to pat him on the shoulder. "We were _just _talking about this the other night."

"And it wasn't two missions. It was _barely_ one mission. And I didn't _hate _you."

"Is this about the mission on Earth's moon?" Tali said. "I vaguely recall some tension."

"Oh this is going to be good," Solana said.

* * *

><p>"Zorah," came Shepard's voice over the Normandy's speakers. "Vakarian; arriving at Luna in 3 minutes. Suit up and meet me on the bridge."<p>

Garrus strode to his locker and removed his armor, stepping into it systematically. First mission with the Spectre, besides proving Saren was a traitor but that was just a lot of running around. This was going to be action and Garrus tried to fight the excitement creeping through him. As he clacked his boots into place he heard the dark haired female mumbling to herself, hoping the Commander intended to leave him and the quarian in one of their moon's craters. He exhaled through his nose and reminded himself that he wasn't here to make friends.

When he got to the elevator, the quarian was already waiting there and they stepped in together, silently. Garrus hadn't really spoken to the quarian much, but it was obvious that the Commander grew fond of her rather quickly. Garrus tapped his food.

_If the best of human and turian engineering went into this vessel_, he wondered. _Why the hell does this elevator always take so long?_

"You know," he said to the girl, breaking the silence. "Helmets are incredibly limiting in the sense of scope of vision. You might want to reconsider your choice in armor."

"_Many _people think less of the quarian's for traveling in the Flotilla and wearing our exo-suits everywhere, but we have to because our immune systems would be unable to sustain very long in a foreign planet's atmosphere. We are _forced _to wear helmets so that we don't _die._"

"I'm pretty sure people think less of the quarian's for creating the geth, not your armor choices," he said, shifting his weight. "Your people endangered the entire _galaxy_ when they let the geth break free. I hope they are properly contrite."

"As the _turians _are properly contrite for releasing the genophage on the Krogan, I'm sure," the quarian spat back.

He had to hand it to the little scavenger, she had a point.

The elevator doors, mercifully, opened and the quarian stepped out in front of him. They traveled down the CIC in silence before reaching the Commander near the cockpit. She turned to acknowledge them with that bright smile of hers and holding her red helmet under her arm.

"Vakarian," she said, tilting her head to the side. "Where's your helmet?"

"Severely limits my field of vision, ma'am. I wasn't going to use it."

"Not an option," she said, patting her helmet. "You can take it off once we get in the bunkers, but if you want to live, you'll need it. Earth's moon has about _one millionth_ the atmospheric pressure as Menae, and even _less_ oxygen."

"What? Why do you even know that?" he asked.

"Menae is _your _moon," she said with an eyebrow quirked. "So a better question would be: why _don't _you?"

The quarian tried to hide her laugh.

Garrus nodded respectfully and bit down the angry growl threatening to come up his chest as he turned and headed back for the sluggish elevator alone, kicking himself for letting the human get the better of him. Damn her. Here he had thought she was different from all the other humans, but she was just as condescending as the rest of them. He couldn't help but respect her, but that didn't mean he had to like her, right?

_Just as long as the job gets done, _he told himself.

Garrus idly wondered how many times today he had reminded himself of his purpose on this damned ship.

* * *

><p>As they worked their way through the first bunker, taking out the random AI as they went, he couldn't help but notice how the Commander kept looking at him. Was he imagining it? Or was she studying him? He put his helmet back on and decided to ignore it as they headed out.<p>

They entered the second bunker and Shepard removed her helmet before she, too, armed herself with the sniper rifle she had on her back. He had only seen her in action a few times but he had never seen her use his weapon of choice before.

An uneasy feeling nested in his stomach as he unsheathed his rifle.

As the rogue AI sent wave after wave of synthetics to protect the core, Shepard was making a point to shoot Garrus' targets before he could. Her aim obviously wasn't as good as his, as she always hit the things in the arm or chest, but she was more or less rendering him completely useless she was so fast. Imprecise, but effective.

Was she taunting him? Or was she just out to prove that she was superior to him? He fought his instincts to prove himself, and reminded himself that his training didn't allow for speed over efficiency. He had been drilled on precision, on careful aiming. As much as he wanted to fight it, he wasn't about to let her get the best of him.

_She's the Commanding Officer, _he told himself. _She's the most important part of the mission. Don't fight back. Do your job. Don't stick your neck out. You're here to protect her and keep the mission from failing. Don't forget it. You're expendable. _

Still though, the burning deep inside him to prove his worth was hard to fight. By the time they had reached the third bunker he had to keep reminding himself to think about his training. Aim, breathe, steady, shoot. But every time she hit a mark before him, it all slipped a little farther away. He hadn't even noticed how he had started growling as he took targets out clean, precise, and _fast_. He wasn't thinking anymore, he was feeling; using nothing but his reflexes and his instincts to send bullets through the cores of all the synthetics surrounding them.

Shepard put her rifle away, and equipped her pistol.

Once the last bunker had been cleared and the rogue AI had been deactivated, Garrus realized how he had been growling, and forced himself to calm down.

"Normandy," Shepard said into her comm. "Mission accomplished. Ready for extraction."

"Roger that," the pilot confirmed.

Shepard nodded and took Tali by the shoulder.

"My goodness, you're handy with that Omni-tool."

"I uh… yes. Thank you, Commander," The quarian said sheepishly.

"And you," she said, patting Garrus on the shoulder as she passed him. "Great work."

He fought the urge to scoff.

"Thank you, ma'am," he said instead.

* * *

><p>Garrus gripped his console in his gloved talons, cursing himself. He had been practically useless until the end of the mission. Even then, he had let the human's taunting get the best of him. She was trying to prove her dominance and he undermined her by proving his superior skill. He shouldn't have, it was a rookie mistake. If he were on his last military vessel, he could be court-marshaled for acting out against his C.O. like that. He figured he had better start working on his apology.<p>

He had also better figure out how to swallow his pride. And fast.

The Commander's scent hit him as she came up from Engineering, no doubt having just debriefed the quarian and probably heading for his station now. He took a few long, deep breaths to try and calm down.

"Vakarian," she said in her usual chipper tone. "Good job out there today."

"Yeah I uh… Thank you, Commander."

"Man, when you really get going you're hard to keep up with. We gotta work on that some more."

"Yes ma'am. I apologize for that and it won't happen again," he said. Spirits, the words even _tasted_ bad.

Even Garrus, with his limited knowledge, could see that the look that flashed across the human's face was confusion. She tilted her head to the side in that way she did and studied his face.

"What are you apologizing for exactly?"

Garrus blinked and took a moment to pick his words, sure that she was testing him.

"Undermining you, Ma'am. You're the Commanding Officer and I shouldn't have gone out of my way to shoot your targets like that. I let my pride get the better of me and I apologize for it."

She squinted at him and opened her mouth like she was trying to think of something to say.

"Come with me, Vakarian. Bring your rifle," was all she said as she turned and headed back to the elevator.

He obliged with an exhale, preparing himself for the reprimand he was no doubt going to receive.

The ride up the elevator was painfully silent. He listened to hear heartbeat, calm, controlled, and wondered if he had a hard time telling what she was thinking because she was human, or was she even hard to read amongst her own kind? Either way Garrus was biting down his irritation with her attempts to intimidate him.

She walked into her office without looking back and Garrus was unsure about following her. This definitely wasn't common practice among turians.

"Commander?" he said, standing at the threshold of her quarters.

"It's alright, Vakarian. Come on in."

He ducked under the door frame and stepped inside the small room as she pulled up two chairs. She sat in one and motioned her hand to the other across from her, requesting that he sit there, and he did. She crossed an ankle over her knee and leaned back casually. He set his rifle on the floor.

"Okay, now," she said. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Ma'am?"

"This under-minding me."

"Undermining," he corrected.

"Whatever," she said waving a hand. "The point is I don't know what you're talking about and need you to explain it to me. Permission to speak freely."

His mandibles clicked. This was just great. She hadn't even noticed what he'd done? Had he just shot himself in the foot?

"You said that when I get going I'm hard to keep up with. Weren't you reprimanding me?"

"What? No. It was a compliment."

"But you were shooting my targets," he said. "I saw it. You were making an effort to shoot what I was aiming at before I could."

"I won't deny that," she said, beaming that wicked grin at him. He fought the urge to snap at her.

"Well with all due respect, Commander. Why? Why would you go through that effort if you weren't trying to prove your superiority? I shouldn't have stepped on your toes like that. I let my pride get the better of me and traded my training in exchange for being able to beat you to the targets."

"Well that's exactly why I was doing it," she said.

"I…what?"

"Stand up," she said as she stood and reached for his rifle.

He did, tentatively.

As she straightened, standing in front of him, she activated the rifle so it shot open and into its full form.

"What is this?" she said.

"A sniper rifle," he replied, quirking a brow plate in confusion.

"Wrong. What is this?"

"Uh, an X-2 Equalizer VII."

"Seven? That's it? Remind me to get you a new one. Anyway that's still not what I want to hear. What is it?"

"A uh… A C-sec military grade sniper rifle."

"Wrong again, Vakarian. What is it?"

He scoffed and shifted his weight in frustration. "It's my rifle, Commander. What do you want me to say?"

"Exactly that," she said, pushing the rifle against his chest with a smile. "This is _your _rifle. There are many like it, but this one is _yours. _I was shooting your targets to get you to _own _that rifle in your hands."

He looked down at it then back up at her, confused.

"I will admit that I could probably do with a little more operational discipline, and maybe somewhere down the line you can teach me that, but it isn't what got me where I am today. And it most _certainly _isn't why I brought you onto the Normandy. Every turian has that military grade 'sir-yes-sir' ingrained into them. If that's what I wanted, I could have picked anyone to come with me. But you're _different_, Vakarian. You light up when you fire this rifle, you _love _it. I took out your targets to get you angry; to make you stop defaulting to that training." She pressed the tip of her index finger to the center of his forehead. "I need you to stop using this," she said before moving her hand to point at the center of his chest. "And I need you to _start _using this. _Heart_ is why I need you, Vakarian. It's what you have that the average soldier doesn't. When you stop using your head and your rigid military training, you start using your instincts by default. And when you do that you are unstoppable. _That_ is what sets you apart, and _that_ is what separates soldiers from legends."

Garrus' mandibles clicked as he looked down at the tiny woman in front of him, observing the severity in her face. He tried to think of something to say, but nothing would come. This human hadn't been trying to prove she was better than him, she was trying to help him_ be_ better.

"Do you want to be better, Vakarian? Do you want to be the best you can be?"

"Of course I do, Commander."

"Well I don't know much about the turian military, but I know that they want uniformity. I know they want a cohesive unit, and that's not what I want. I need individuals; individuals with fire and passion. You are not a soldier to me, you are not a number. I don't just see what you can _do_, Vakarian," she said, smiling up at him with her hands on her hips. "I see what you can _be_, and I promise that I will help you get there, because you were born to stand out."

Garrus studied her face for sincerity. There was no threat, there was no indignation, her warm green eyes told him she was nothing but earnest. He tried not to look stunned, and failed.

"Y-yes ma'am," he said after clearing his throat. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Dismissed Vakarian," she said with a nod. "Rest up. I'll be needing a lot more of you."

Garrus nodded and turned to leave, ducking under the frame of her door again. He smiled to himself.

_Heart, huh?_


	35. Family

_**Roarkshop here: Due to the bout of negativity in PM's and anonymous e-mails I got from LAST weeks Authors note, I'm gonna go ahead and stop them for the most part. If you WANT authors notes, I have made a special section for them on my blog... called authors notes...**_

_**www(dot)Roarkshop(dot)net**_

_**All comments/reviews/PMs/e-mails are read and (usually) replied to. So keep your eyes on your inboxes. All feedback is taken to heart, loved, and greatly appreciated. You all and your tremendous support are what keeps me writing. Thank you. Love love love!  
><strong>_

_**More Love  
><strong>_

_**Roarkshop  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em>The Battery doors whooshed open, startling Garrus awake. He instinctively armed himself with his pistol and trained it on the unexpected intruder. He could only see her silhouette as the light from the hall lit her from behind in the dark Battery. <em>

"_Shepard?" he said tiredly, lowering his gun and rubbing his head. "What's up? Is everything okay?"_

"_Shit," she said, turning around to leave. "I'm sorry I thought you'd be awake."_

"_No it…" he cleared his throat and sat up. "It's okay, come in."_

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Of course, Shepard."_

_As she stepped out of the light and the doors closed behind her, his eyes focused in the darkness. She was wearing the soft shorts and loose shirt she called 'jammies' and he tried to ignore the fact that he could see her legs. He turned to sit on the edge of the bed and she sat on her knees on the floor in front of him, letting her head fall onto his knee._

"_You okay?"_

"_Yeah," she said with an exhale. "I just can't seem to sleep."_

"_Still?"_

"_Yeah."_

_He lifted a hand to stroke the back of her hair. _

"_Is it Gideon?"_

_Her sad sigh answered for her, filling his head with doubts. Maybe he shouldn't have killed him. Maybe this wouldn't be haunting her like this if he was still alive. _

"_I don't want to sound needy or anything," she said. "But can I stay?…I mean just… For a while?"_

"_It's okay," he said, taking her hand and urging her into his arms. "I don't mind."_

_She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. He moved to hold her around her waist and laid back down with her against his chest, her face tucked under his chin. As he drifted back into sleep, idly running his hand down her side and across her arm, he could feel her hot breath on the side of his throat. His heart started pounding in his chest… or was it hers? They were so close he couldn't tell the difference, and he tried to command himself to calm down and go back to sleep. _

_Then something strange pressed against the skin of his neck. Something soft. Something wet._

_Was that what he thought it was?_

_Again he felt the caress of her lips against the soft, tender part of his throat. _

_He swallowed. _

"_Uh… Shepard."_

"_Garrus," she whispered back. _

_The sound made his hand tighten on her waist unconsciously. He cleared his throat as if that was going to help how it had dried up._

"_Shepard, this isn't a good-"_

"_Shhh," she said, lifting herself up on her elbows and pressing her finger to his lips. Her bright eyes focused on his even through the darkness and her wild hair fell around her shoulders just like it used to. He searched her face for some sign that this was a joke. He swallowed down his instincts, fought the fire in his skin. She moved to lean over him and pressed her lips against his, warm and soft. His eyes closed despite himself, using whatever will power he had to keep the dam from breaking. The feeling was alien, but not bad by any means. He exhaled as he moved his hands up her back to hold her face. Her hands moved down the bare plates of his chest slowly and his body responded under her warm touch as a growl started to rumble up through him. _

_Her legs moved around his until there was one on either side of him. She linked her arms behind his neck and pulled him until he sat up under her. His hands instinctively moved to her hips and she inhaled sharply through her nose.  
><em>

_He exhaled against her mouth, both of their breathing heavy. _

"_Jane, I…"_

_"Garrus…"_

* * *

><p>Garrus startled awake from the chair in the Med Bay, sweat beading around his throat and brow. He awoke with such force that he almost rocketed himself out of the chair. He panted, listening to his heart humming in his chest as his eyes found Shepard through the darkness.<p>

There she slept, none the wiser.

He leaned forward on his knees and put his head in his hands. He had obviously gotten too comfortable sleeping in this damned chair over the past week.

Garrus rolled his neck to one side and stood, knowing full well he wasn't going back to sleep.

A cold shower might do him some good.

* * *

><p>"How's it going up here," Garrus asked, stepping into the Cockpit later that morning.<p>

"We're green across the board and should be entering shuttle distance shortly. You can probably stop checking in on me now," Joker said with a laugh, swiveling around to look at the turian.

"Yeah," Garrus rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not as good at making the rounds as Shepard is."

"Well, that's obvious."

"Screw you, Joker."

He laughed.

"Oh, hey, I meant to ask you. When your dad came back from the Augustine he said you were going back to get Gideon, but I figured Shepard might have interrupted you with her Med Bay outrage."

Garrus sank back into his heel and crossed his arms. "And?"

"Well?" Joker said. "Did you get him?"

Garrus scoffed. "Of course I got him. Who do you think you're talking to?"

"Yeah well, when Daddy-Garrus came back with your rifle I didn't think you'd be able to handle yourself."

"Please, Joker." Garrus said. "Just because I'm always using a rifle, doesn't mean it's my deadliest weapon."

"Well good. Just wanted to make sure the bastard got what was coming to him."

"He got all that and more."

"Yeah? What are we talking? Break each bone in his body first?"

"Remember when I said I lit the Engine Room on fire?"

"You lit him _on fire_! Nice." Joker held out his fist for a bump and Garrus chuckled as he returned the gesture.

"How do you even know about Gideon, Joker? Did Shepard tell you?"

"No, dude, I'm the pilot. I hear everything except what's in the private quarters. All that talking you did with Tali down in Engineering I listened in on. It's really the only way I can keep up to date on the mission progress without leaving the Cockpit. So I heard you explain 'the guy with the eye patch' to Tali and your dad."

Garrus exhaled an angry breath.

"Just how often do you listen to what's going on down in Engineering?"

Joker gave Garrus a knowing smile and adjusted his hat. "Enough to know that you're not going to tell her; not now, not ever."

Garrus put one hand on his hip and the other rubbed his eyes.

"Now you're going to have to tell me what keeps me from lighting _you _on fire to ensure your secrecy."

Joker laughed and put his hands up defensively. "Don't worry big guy, your secret's safe with me. If I haven't said anything about it yet, what makes you think I would start now?"

"Wait, you already knew?"

"Hell yes, I knew. Love may be blind, but that doesn't mean the neighbors are."

"Spirits did everyone but _me _know about it?"

"I doubt it, so relax. Just because I like to eavesdrop doesn't mean I like to interfere."

"Make sure you keep it that way and I won't have to test this 'brittle bone' thing of yours."

"Ooh I'm shivering in my tiny space boots, Garrus," Joker said with a laugh. The pilot tilted his head to the side, observing the distress it caused the sniper. "Though, why you're going to keep it to yourself is beyond me."

"Is this you _not_ interfering?"

Joker put his hands up again. "Alright, alright, I get it you don't want to talk about it. But hey," he leaned his elbow on the arm of the chair. "I know you're not really the type to talk about your personal shit. You never really have been since you've always had Shepard to beat it out of you. But I know you can't exactly talk to _her_ so… You know if… Well whatever, you know?"

Garrus laughed. "You're so sentimental, Joker."

"Fuck you, Garrus," Joker said turning to look back at the Normandy's console. "That'll teach me to try and help."

Garrus turned around to head back down the CIC, but turned his head to the side first. "Thanks, Joker," he said softly.

"No problem, Buddy," Joker returned.

* * *

><p>"Three times?" Shepard asked, sitting at the edge of the bed in the Med Bay in her captain's casuals. "From the same tree?"<p>

She had healed at an alarming rate over the course of the week-long trip in the Med Bay. Her bullet wounds were only light scars, hardly visible against the milky color of her skin.

"From the same tree on three separate occasions," Teryk confirmed, sitting across from her with his legs extended and crossed at the ankles. "He loved that damn tree as a pup. He wasn't going to be satisfied until he got to the top. I didn't think he'd stop until he had broken every bone in his body."

"Well, did he make it eventually?"

"Oh yes. Broke his leg on the way down, but he had reached the top so at least he never went up again."

Shepard laughed. "I guess it's comforting to know he's always been this stubborn."

"You have no idea, Shepard," Teryk teased. "I remember when he had just entered the military..."

"Alright that's enough," Garrus said as he came through the doors. "I'm sure Shepard has heard plenty embarrassing stories about my childhood."

"Preposterous," Shepard said with a laugh, kicking her feet in the air. "I'm quite enjoying myself."

"Well, regardless, I thought you'd like to know we're in shuttle distance for the Citadel so Chakwas says you're allowed to leave the Med Bay now."

"WOO!" Shepard shouted with her fists in the air as she proceeded to sprint out of the room. They could hear her shouting 'freeeeeeeeedooooom' as she ran across the Mess Hall.

Garrus put his face in his hand as he laughed.

* * *

><p>"I really wish you could at least come to dinner with us," Solana said, wrapping Shepard in a hug. Shepard returned the gesture as they stood in the Normandy's shuttle bay.<p>

"Me too," she said, pulling away. "Trust me I would much rather join you for dinner than put that stupid dress on again for this mission."

Solana chuckled. "I wish I could see that."

"I'll take pictures," Garrus said with a grin.

"Ooh, send them to me."

"Weren't you just leaving?" Shepard said, tapping her foot.

Smiling, Solana took Shepard's hands in hers and held them to her chest.

"I'm counting on you Jane," Solana said. "Bring him home to us."

"You have my word," Jane said, winking at the girl.

Teryk shook Garrus' hand.

"Take out those abominations," he said. "For all of us."

Garrus nodded. "Yes, sir."

Teryk turned to Shepard and she saluted him, wincing against the pain in her shoulder.

"It's been an honor, sir," Shepard said.

Teryk returned the gesture. "Indeed it has, Spectre."

While Teryk had called her that before, this time it felt like it was a compliment. He nodded and turned away. Shepard watched him and Solana load themselves onto the shuttle before she and Garrus backed behind the Bay door to watch them leave.

"He saluted you," Garrus said, nudging her with an elbow. "That's a first for me."

"Seeing him salute a human?"

"Seeing him salute a Spectre."

Shepard tilted her head to the side, thoughtfully; a goofy grin spreading across her face.

Garrus smiled.

* * *

><p>Garrus sat in the Mess Hall that night, finishing dinner with the crew. Shepard was up making the rounds for the first time since she'd gotten back, and he took a minute to be thankful that he didn't have to do it anymore. Shepard genuinely enjoyed making the rounds and checking in with the crew members she didn't routinely run into, like Mordin and Joker. Garrus was just happy he wouldn't have to hear another rant on whatever kind of weird experiment Mordin was doing.<p>

Now he just needed to figure out a way to limit how much time he spent around her.

"I'm telling you, guys, it's got to be her assault rifle," Jacob said, leaning his elbows on the table.

"I will bet you fifty creds that not only are you wrong, but it's her pistol," Miranda said.

"Bet?" Kenneth chirped up. "Did someone say bet? I smell a pool forming. Who's in?"

"I don't know," Gabby said. "Didn't we just find out that she knows how to use a sniper rifle, too? There's too many things Shepard knows how to shoot to guess which is her favorite."

"I'm sticking with my gut," Jacob said, putting his creds into the pool. "It's the weapon she uses the most."

"Fuck you guys," Jack said, putting up her own creds. "I've seen her use that missile launcher, that's got to be her favorite. She lit up like a god damn drive core when she blew up that colossus on Haestrom."

"The only reason she used a missile launcher on Haestrom," Tali interject, putting her own chit up onto the table. "Is because she didn't have a flame thrower."

"Oooh," Jack said, nudging Tali in the ribs. "Flame thrower. That's a good one too."

The pool grew to a surprising size in the time it took Garrus to realize they were all wrong. He laughed and sank back in his chair to drink his coffee.

"How about it Garrus?" Kenneth chimed. "You don't want in?"

"You guys don't want me in," Garrus said. "It's like cheating."

"What," Miranda said with a grin. "Has she already _told _you her favorite gun?"

"Well no, but I know her well enough to be sure of what it is."

"And what is it you'd say?" Jacob asked.

"Shotgun.".

The disagreement was unanimous.

"It can't be, I've never even seen her _use _a shotgun," Miranda said.

"The cheerleader has a point," Jack offered. "Shit, she doesn't even take a shotgun _with_ her on most missions."

"If you guys really do think I'm wrong, I'll be happy to take all your money."

"Guys, this is _Garrus_," Chambers offered. "Do you really think it's smart to let him in on it?"

"Just because he and Shepard are BFF's doesn't mean he's right about this," Miranda said.

Garrus laughed as he tossed his credits up on the table. "Fine," he said. "My money is on shotgun."

They all debated for a good twenty more minutes before Shepard came around the corner from the elevator. The congregation came to a quick hush as their eyes fell on her. Shepard quirked a suspicious brow.

"Why do I get the feeling you're all about to mutiny?"

They all laughed.

"We have a little wager going," Kenneth started to say.

"Why is it," Shepard said with a smile, sinking back into her hip. "That every time there's a 'wager' involved, you are also involved?"

Kenneth shrugged his shoulders. "Entrepreneurial spirit?"

"You are such a snake."

"Oh, you flatter me," he said dramatically. "Anyhow, getting to the point; we, all of us, have put in a wager on what your favorite weapon is."

"Well that seems like a stupid thing to put money on."

"Be that as it may," he continued. "Money has been put."

"Hmmmm. My favorite weapon would have to be my rapier sharp wit," she boasted.

Garrus laughed into his mug.

"Not what we meant, Commander," Jacob said with a smile. "We're talking things you kill with."

"Ooh, I guess that's a good one. Trying to guess my favorite gun would be just about as hard as trying to guess Garrus' favorite part about himself."

"Har har," he said from the back.

"Considering how many guns you know how to use, there are quite a few different answers," Chambers said, squirming in her chair, waving the data pad they used to keep track of all the answers.

"If it shoots bullets, I know how to use it," she boasted.

"Well don't keep us in suspense, woman," Kenneth said. "What's your firearm of choice?"

She exhaled through her nose and put her hands on her hips, scanning the room and drawing out the moment.

"A good old fashioned sawed-off shotgun."

"Oooh, that's got to sting." Garrus said to himself. "Better luck next time, everyone."

Everyone groaned as the money was pushed toward the victor.

"What the heck," Shepard said. "How is Garrus the _only _one who said shotgun?"

"You never even _use _a shotgun," Miranda protested, standing up. "How would we know it was your favorite?"

"I dunno, I figured someone would at least _guess _shotgun besides Garrus."

"I didn't guess," he said, leaning back in his chair. "I _told_ you all I knew it."

"I smell a conspiracy," said a pouting Kenneth.

"Garrus and I have never discussed what my favorite gun is," Shepard said, putting her hands up. "Honest. Though it was stupid to even let Garrus play in the first place."

"I _do _have a PhD in Shepardology," he boasted.

"If you like shotguns so much then why don't you use them more often, hmmm?" Miranda asked.

"Because I always have Garrus with me," she said, gesturing towards him. "Shit never gets close enough to me for a shotgun to ever be useful."

"I will take that as a compliment," Garrus said with a click of his mandibles.

Laughing, Shepard went to get her food just as Garrus finished his. She headed for her usual spot, next to him, just as he stood to leave. He noticed that she tilted her head as if curious why he was in such a rush to leave, and a pang of guilt hit him. He was making this too obvious. He lingered a bit so it didn't look like he was leaving strictly because she had sat down now. Because that was _exactly_ why he was leaving.

"Everyone take your money back," Garrus said as he stepped away. "Regardless that I _warned _you not to let me bet, I still feel like I have an unfair advantage."

"Yeah," Kenneth said, not hesitating to get his money back. "That's definitely true."

Shepard laughed, looking at the data pad where all the weapons were listed with tally marks under how many people voted for that weapon.

"Wait," she said looking up. "Who's the one who said my bare hands?"

"Me," said Grunt, ungracefully taking his money from the table. "And I only forgive you for giving the wrong answer because I also enjoy a shotgun in my hands."

"Well, how gracious of you," Shepard said.

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight," Garrus said, putting forth a tremendous amount of effort into hiding how angry he was getting by rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb. "After, yet another, close call with death you are <em>benching <em>me for our next mission?"

"It's a heist mission, Garrus," Shepard said, trying to pull down the skirt of the little black dress in frustration. "There will be no explosions or brushes with death. Sneak in, sneak out, get it over with. Easy Peasy."

"Don't even start with me," he said, putting a hand up. "I don't know what a 'peasy' is, but you and I both know better than to expect anything to go according to plan."

"I'm not going alone, I'll have back up. It'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen?"

"In case you've forgotten; three out of four times you went on a mission without me you ended up hospitalized or _dead_. It's hard to argue with results like that."

"What do you want me to do? We can't bring you. The invitation is for this…" She pulled up her omni-tool to read it. "Alison Gun and her guest, and I have to bring Kasumi with me or I won't know what I'm looking for, not to mention how to bypass a billion credit security system."

"What about Thane?" Garrus growled, motioning a hand at the Mess Hall. "I saw him leave in one of the shuttles in his formal wear."

She sighed and put her hands on her hips. "It's a gala for the best criminals out there, Garrus. Thane is the most notorious underground assassin in the business, so he warranted his _own_ invitation. He wasn't planning on attending but I thought I could use the extra back up. I thought that would make you feel better."

"No, Shepard. It doesn't. I don't like this. The whole thing rubs me the wrong way."

"What is your deal? I've gone on missions without you before without catastrophic outcomes. In fact, before I met you I had quite a few successful missions that were completely turian-less. I'm starting to wonder whether or not you think I'm incapable of leading the team successfully without you."

"Don't make this about me, Shepard," he snapped. Garrus wasn't mad at _her, _but he couldn't very well tell her the real reasons behind his disapproval. Guilt surged through him as he realized that this was the first time he flat out contradicted her orders. His emotions had gotten so hard to contain that they flat-out drove him to disrespecting her? Her: The person he respected above all else?

This was wrong. He had to get a grip.

"Sorry to interrupt Commander," Joker chimed over the speakers. "But that white rental shuttle is ready."

"Give me a minute, Joker," she said as she rubbed her forehead with the pads of her fingers. She looked up at Garrus and put a hand on the side of his throat, the way she had the _last _time she told him he was benched for something; Noveria. "Garrus," she said softly. "I'm not going to leave this ship unless I _know_ that you believe I can get it done and come back in one piece."

He faltered, briefly: The cool touch of her hand, her warm eyes searching his for sincerity. Every time he managed to forget how beautiful he thought she was, she forced him to remember. He laughed good-naturedly and put his palm on the top of her head.

"I'll admit that you doing missions without me makes me nervous, Shepard. But I will never, ever, doubt you."

She smiled and her whole face lit up like a child's. He laughed and tousled her hair before pushing her out the door.

"Just don't make me say 'I told you so', Bug," he called after her.

She turned towards him, arms behind her back, and continued backward toward the elevator.

"Don't worry, Space Lobster," she said. "I won't let you have the satisfaction."

"You'd better not," he said to himself as he watched her walk away, doing a bad job at ignoring how the pointy shoes toned her legs. He sighed and leaned on the Battery Console with one hand, looking at the empty space on his bunk. "And what is it I can do for _you_, Kasumi?"

The girl came out of her cloaking, sitting on Garrus' bed with surprise on her face.

"Ehh? How did you know?"

"Kasumi, I'm a turian. I can hear your heartbeat. You're lucky I didn't let Shepard know you were there," he said, gesturing a hand in the direction Shepard had left.

"Hai," she said with a slight bow of her head as she stood. "It is appreciated."

"Is there a reason you were eavesdropping?"

"You worry, yes? About Taichou."

Garrus crossed his arms and exhaled through his nose. "What about it?"

Kasumi tapped the side of her head and made the screen across her eyes pop up.

"How do you say…" she pointed at his arm, then back at her head. "Setsuzoku?"

Garrus quirked a brow plate and tilted his head to the side. "Sorry Kasumi, I don't speak ridiculous."

"Baaaaka," she cursed before taking his left hand and holding it out to activate his omni tool. She typed in a few commands and the screen suddenly brought up a visual of whatever Kasumi was looking at. He looked up at her and realized she had connected his omni-tool to her grey box so he could see what she saw. The human gave him a wicked smirk to accentuate her point.

He laughed and held his hand out to her, and she timidly put her hand in his. "Thank you, Kasumi," he said, shaking it.

She winked at him before reactivating her cloaking and sneaking off down to the elevator.


	36. Undercover

_**Roarkshop Here: Thanks for the outpouring of support I have gotten over the past week. I know I usually reply to everyone's reviews personally, but last week beat me over the head with my own arm and then I was like "WTF That's my arm, Week! Give that back!" and it was all "HELL NAW! YOU NEED TO BE BUSY FOR LIKE SIX DAYS STRAIGHT!" and I was all "How does beating me with my arm accomplish that?" and it was all like "I don't know this is your stupid metaphor!" **_

_**What was I talking about?**_

_**Oh right. Stuff.**_

_**ANYCRAP! I will be replying to everyone's reviews from LAST week and THIS week so keep your eyes on your inboxes. (A few of you have private messages disabled, which makes me a sad panda.) I love you guys! Your positivity and support is LITERALLY the fuel to my metaphorical steam engine that keeps me pumping out the black power smoke that is SandF chapters.  
><strong>_

_**Alright I haven't slept in like...three days so this is just going to get more ridiculous. So I love you all and have a wonderful week.  
><strong>_

_**Spread the love this week, guys! Also check out SEMPAIKO on Deviant Art! She did a FANTASTIC Chapter Icon depicting my Shep and Garrus in this weeks chapter called "Right and Left!" Go send her some love. She worked very hard.  
><strong>_

_**ENOUGH OUT OF ME! FEAST YOUR GLORIOUS EYEBALLS ON CHAPTER 36!  
><strong>_

_**Lovelovelove,  
>Roarkshop<br>**_

* * *

><p>Garrus was getting a headache listening to Shepard and Kasumi jabber back and forth in that bizarre language. Was this Shepard's native tongue? How did humans get anything done? It just sounded like a string of consonants crashing together with the occasional overextended vowel. To date, it was the first time Garrus was relieved to hear Thane's voice.<p>

"I hate to interrupt," he said quietly over the comm. "But you might want to go over the plan in a language I can understand."

"Sorry, Thane," Shepard said with a laugh. "We were just getting my cover in order. We're almost there. Are you in?"

"Yes. I have entered with no problems."

"Excellent. We'll be landing in five."

Once they landed, they received a bit of static at the door when the target "didn't like the look" of Kasumi and decided she was to stay outside and wait. Shepard pulled her off to the side and Kasumi confirmed that she'd be able to get in anyway, but Shepard would be on her own.

Garrus scoffed. If Kasumi was just going to cloak in anyway, why couldn't he have been the plus one? Then they wouldn't have even _needed_ Thane to use his invitation.

The next ten minutes were rather boring as Kasumi watched Shepard wandering through the mansion. They passed by his private quarters, the vault, and a few other minor details casing the situation. Garrus' attention wavered a few times, that is until Thane's voice interrupted his train of thought.

"Alison Gun, I presume," they heard over the comm. Kasumi looked around the corner to see Thane, clad in a sharp black and red tuxedo, holding his hand out to Shepard with that entertained smirk on his lips. Shepard put her hand in his and shook it.

"Yes, and you are?" she asked.

"Thane Krios," he said, bowing over her hand and kissing the back of it. "At your service, Mrs. Gun."

"_Miss _Gun," she clarified.

"Oh, is that so?" Thane said, offering her his arm. "Then I suppose this is my lucky day."

Shepard laughed and linked her arm through Thane's and let herself be led onto the dance floor where Thane took her right hand in his left, and wrapped his other arm around her waist.

"Damn Krios," Shepard said softly to him. "You clean up nice."

"Thank you, Siha" he said with that same air of confidence. "It has been many years since I have had the need."

"It suits you," she said. "Though, you're wearing my favorite color so I might be biased."

He laughed as he spun her. "I'll remember that," he said before he winced under the pain of her high-heel on his toes.

"Gah, sorry," she said, looking down. "I'm not very good at this."

"Don't look at your feet," he said with a smile. "I know you're used to being in charge, but you have to let me lead you."

She smirked, looking back up at him. "You're enjoying this."

"Maybe a little."

Garrus exhaled an angry breath through his nose. Maybe he shouldn't watch this. If Shepard and Thane playing spy was only an excuse for them to flirt, he was afraid he'd end up tearing out a bulk head instead of just confirming that she was safe.

He kept reminding himself that who Shepard chose to be with didn't matter, that she was free to make her own choices, and that he would support her as long as she'd be happy.

He wondered when he would actually start believing it.

"I have cut power to vault," Kasumi interrupted.

"Good," Shepard said as they danced. "So we need to figure out a way into his quarters for something, right?"

"DNA, Taichou," Kasumi continued. "We must find a way through the men guarding his quarters to collect skin pieces."

"Ugh," Shepard said, looking up at Thane as he dipped her. "Gross."

"Agreed," Thane confirmed, bringing her up.

"So, how do we get in?"

"I could easily dispatch the guards," Thane said.

"Not the ones outside the door," she said, motioning her head in that direction. "Hock would notice if they were gone."

"Taiiiiichouuu," Kasumi sang. "I have an idea."

"Lay it on me."

Knowing it would be faster, Kasumi told Shepard about the plan in a string of that other language before Shepard quirked an entertained eyebrow.

"You know," Shepard said, tilting her head to the side and observing Thane. "He could probably make that work."

Thane spun Shepard, leading her out so their arms extended before pulling her back in slowly.

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" He said.

"She thinks you can convince the guards to let us in there to have sex."

"Well," Thane said, that damned smirk creeping across his face. "I take it back then."

"You're hilarious," Shepard said with a smile, putting her hands down. "Your acting had better be as good as your dancing." She grabbed Thane by the collar and pulled him. He leaned forward and let himself be dragged off the floor, laughing as he went.

Garrus tried to ignore it. He tried.

It was just a mission. They had to get in, this was the only way to avoid blood shed and unnecessary attention. This was his own fault, probably. Shepard wouldn't hesitate to just shoot her way through if she could. Maybe he had made her too paranoid about going off plan and now she was willing to let Thane put his… sneaky green hands all over her to reach the objective.

_Spirits, _he said to himself, rubbing his forehead with his palm. _How old am I? Fourteen?_

After making a good effort to appear to be flirting over Champagne, the couple waltzed drunkenly up to the guards in front of Hock's quarters. Kasumi, and thusly Garrus, couldn't quite hear what they were saying. She slowly worked her way up the opposite wall and came up behind the guard silently. Thane was looking at the guard from over Shepard's shoulder, his hands around her waist. Shepard had her back against his chest and was looking up at the guard, tilting her head to the side and making her crimson curls sway idly.

"I think you'll understand my urgency," Thane said from over Shepard's shoulder. He slipped his hands from her hips to her stomach and Shepard put her hands over his, casting a wicked smile over her shoulder at him.

"I most certainly do," the guard said, looking Shepard up and down with no small amount of hunger. "But I'm afraid no one is allowed in. Orders are orders."

Shepard leaned toward the guard and put a finger under his chin and even from behind the people watching could see that the man tensed.

"I'm Alison Gun," she said seductively. "Have you heard of me?"

"Uh…yes, ma'am, I've been briefed."

"What about the dark, rakish Lothario behind me? I'm sure he needs no introduction."

The guard cleared his throat. "I uh…"

"Well, I'm certainly not trying to brag, but let's just say that when he wants something, it's very bad for your health to deny him."

Thane drove the point home by slowly pressing his lips to the back of Shepard's bare shoulder, keeping his cold, black eyes on the guard.

The growl that crept from Garrus' throat was completely involuntary, and completely unstoppable. Before he even realized he was doing it, he was pacing up and down the Battery like a wild varren in a cage, watching the small screen, losing himself in the anger.

"Yeah, alright fine," the guard said, typing something into his omni-tool. "I don't get paid enough to take on assassins."

"A wise choice," Thane rumbled as he led Shepard through the door. Kasumi quickly, and quietly, followed behind them. As soon as the doors closed, Thane released Shepard and they walked as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"I knew you'd be able to sell that, Krios."

"You give me too much credit, Siha. It was certainly you who sold it. I mostly just stood there. And glared."

"Oh man, if Kelly Chambers could have seen that."

Thane put his hand over his face. "I will assume you would be so kind as to keep it from her."

Shepard laughed. "Jesus you'd never sleep again."

Kasumi squealed as she came out of cloaking and put her hand on Shepard's arm. "Taichou you are so cool! I never need to do acting in the shadows. I never would have been able to stay so calm."

"It's hard to make me blush," Shepard boasted as they made their way down a level.

"Hmmm," Thane said, putting his hands behind his back. "I suppose I am simply not trying hard enough."

"Don't get your hopes up," she said looking back at him over her shoulder.

"Challenge accepted," he came back with a grin.

Garrus turned off his omni tool and put his face in his hands.

"That green son of a bitch," he growled to himself, leaning his hands on the Battery console. When he had heard about this feeling as a teenager, from his father and the old vids, he never imagined it would come with such an overwhelming feeling of _possession_. Had he not told some strange turian only weeks ago that Shepard was not something you claim? That she wasn't a trophy? And here he was, in a fit because some smooth, green, _fraud_ was touching someone Garrus instinctively felt was _his._

But she wasn't. She was never going to be.

_Come on, Vakarian,_ he told himself, take a few calming breaths. _Get it together. It will pass._

He needed to get this hate under control if he was going to keep his cool. He couldn't risk doing something stupid in the heat of the moment. It would ruin _everything_. Krios hadn't even done anything to deserve the scorn Garrus had for him. Now that he really thought about it, Krios' only crime was wanting the woman who wanted him back. Which just so happened to be the woman Garrus now realized he wanted. But how would that even work anyway? No, he would just end up hurting her somehow. Fate had already provided Shepard with enough pain for several lifetimes, the thought that he would cause her more was a very important, very _daunting _reality.

_Honest to shit, Joker, _she had said. _It's the only time I've ever been afraid of him._

_Damn it, _he cursed to himself, rubbing the back of his neck. The words had hurt him then, and they hurt him now. He remembered standing there in the Armory and listening to her say that to Joker and wondering why it had caused such a sharp pain in his chest. He remembered slowly losing control on the SR1, he remembered pinning her down by her throat, he remembered how the scent of her blood had caused such a strong reaction in him.

If she were to ever see that side of him again…

_This is ridiculous_. He needed to be an adult about this. Garrus was never one to dwell on things. He had made his decision, and damn him, he was going to stick to it. In his lifetime of perpetual screw ups, Shepard's friendship was the only thing he had somehow managed to get _right_. He wouldn't mess that up. He owed it to himself.

He owed it to her.

Garrus had just wanted to watch the mission to ensure Shepard's safety, not spy on her battle-field flirting. If he kept watching, he would eventually drive himself mad. He pushed himself off the Battery console and strode down the hallway, taking determined steps to the elevator. Maybe if he worked out for an hour or so he'd be able to distract himself until they got back.

_I __**will**__ beat this, _he told himself. _Whatever the cost. _

* * *

><p>"Thane," Shepard said as they entered Donovan's room. "Stay out here and keep guard while we forage around."<p>

"Gladly," Thane said with an obvious show of relief. Shepard thought for a moment that maybe she should have taken guard so _she _didn't have to look for gross pieces of a person.

Kasumi and Shepard proceeded to scan random things in his room to try and find pieces of DNA; wine glasses, ash trays, computers, and even the _bed_ was completely spotless.

"What the hell," Shepard said, sinking back into a hip. "If there isn't any DNA in his _bed _where in the hell are we going to find it?" She exhaled an angry breath before focusing her eyes on an alarm clock next to the bed with a smile. If Donovan hated his alarm like Shepard hated hers, maybe he slammed his hand into it the way she did to shut it up. She picked up the small clock to scan it, accidentally triggering something to make it start screeching a horrible sound over and over again. She fumbled with it to try and turn it off, but the damage had already been done. Thane, who was standing with his arms behind his back in the doorway, turned around with one entertained eyebrow raised.

"Subtle," he teased.

"Eat me, Hypno-toad."

He laughed and rolled his neck out, preparing to dispatch the guards he heard coming from outside.

"Lucky!" Kasumi chimed from the other side of the room where she was scanning some ornate swords hanging on the wall. "All done."

"Fantastic," Shepard said, heading for the door just as Thane snapped the neck of the last guard. She approached him and started to untie his tie as she spoke. "So now we just need to get to the control room and get a voice print, right?"

"H-…Hai, Taichou," Kasumi said, tilting her head to watch Shepard seemingly undressing Thane.

After Shepard untied his tie, she un-tucked one side of the black shirt he had on under his suit jacket. Thane put his arms up to let her work, but was obviously confused.

"What is it, exactly, you are doing?" he said, looking down at her hands.

"Well, if we just had sex I'd like to think you wouldn't look perfectly composed afterward."

Thane laughed. "Well, then it's a shame you didn't wear lipstick."

"Yeah right, like I'd kiss _you_. I heard that oral contact with drell causes hallucinations."

Thane quirked an entertained brow as he unclasped the metal piece of her dress with a finger. "I can neither confirm, nor deny that."

She laughed and pushed him in the chest as she turned to walk back up the ramp. She scratched her fingers through her hair to give it a nice tousled look before turning back to Thane just in time to see Kasumi fade into her cloaking. "After we leave, you go get us into that control room and I'll go chat up Hock." She took off her high heels and hung them on her fingers.

"As you wish," he said before wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head on his shoulder and put the hand that wasn't holding her shoes on his chest as they strolled out of the room. Shepard winked at the guard as they passed him and he tipped his invisible hat to her before they continued into the main hall near a bench. They sat down together, lingering just long enough that everyone's attention finally diverted before Thane kissed the back of her hand and bowed as a means of excusing himself. Shepard haphazardly put herself back together before making her way down the wall to pretend to look at a piece of art. Kasumi, cloaked, made her way next to her.

"So, do I need to get him to say something specific," Shepard asked in a whisper.

"No," Kasumi said softly. "Just get him to talk very much. Once we have password I will make a print of his voice."

"Alright so he just needs to talk a lot. I can do that."

"Hai," Kasumi teased, elbowing the Commander in the ribs. "Taichou is very charming."

Shepard quirked a sarcastic brow and contemplated coming up with a clever quip, but decided she would rather just get the hell out of here.

She took a moment to wonder what Garrus was doing.

Probably calibrating. Or something just as imaginary and _stupid_.

With a few deep breaths, and a quick run through of the few charming platitudes she knew, she turned to advance on Hock. She was almost disappointed at how easy it was to get him to give a long winded speech. He was obviously very fond of hearing himself talk, and even the other patrons applauded him for his brief show of masturbation. He didn't even say anything about the fact that she supposedly just got done _banging _the most notorious assassin in this place. Shepard wondered for a second if she should be offended or not.

_God, this guy is a tool, _Shepard thought with a smile plastered onto her face before excusing herself from his rather boring company and proceeding back toward the control room where Kasumi was waiting.

"Did you get it all?" Shepard asked her.

"Hai, Taichou. Very easy!"

"Yeah. Something tells me he had that speech prepared and was just looking for an opportunity to whip it out. Didn't even make any comments about me being a slut or anything!"

"The nerve," Kasumi teased.

"I know. What a douch-nozzle."

They opened the, now unlocked, control room door to see Thane standing amongst a group of dead guards fiddling around with a computer.

"It's here," Thane said. "The password for the vault is Perugia."

"I've heard that somewhere before," Shepard said, sinking back into a hip.

"Thief who stole the Mona Lisa," Kasumi said.

"Ah, I see what he did there," Shepard said with a laugh. "Is that it? Are we done?"

"Hai."

* * *

><p>The workout was good for Garrus' nerves. Watching Thane's hands on Shepard was certainly not good for Operation: Get Over It. If Garrus was going to forget these feelings he was having for Shepard, he was going to have to start trying to avoid seeing her and Thane together. With the drell making a push for it like he was now, it was going to just get worse and worse. Better overall for him to just try and steer clear.<p>

_The worst that could happen is that she has a squadron of tiny green babies with another man while you watch from the sidelines. _

_Damn it, Dad._

He ticked away at the Battery console but couldn't keep his mind from wandering to the mission. Were they okay? Did they get out already? Was Thane still flirting with her?

Garrus decided he would just check in on it, just to make sure nothing had gone horribly sideways.

He flicked the screen back on and saw Shepard from behind, coming out from some kind of corridor.

"I will make my way to the vault," Thane said over their earpieces. "After the guards have been dealt with, I will alert you."

"Roger that," Shepard said. She wandered across the room with Kasumi hot on her heels for a few minutes, pretending to be interested in a few art pieces until she seemed to actually take interest in a conversation happening off to the side.

"I heard the _Blue Sun's _killed Archangel," said a salarian. "Blew him up with a gunship."

"That's not what I heard," said the asari woman he was talking to. "Though I don't really care. As long as he's dead I'll be satisfied."

"Well, they still don't know for sure if he's dead. They never found his body."

"I've got feelers out for him," the woman admitted. "If he's alive, I'll find him. And I'll make sure he pays for the hell he put me through. Slowly."

Garrus didn't recognize the salarian, but the asari woman was a notorious drug smuggler on Illium and Omega was her main traffic hub as she supplied the majority of the Eclipse. He chuckled as he remembered her face on a couple occasions, screwing up her supply routes.

When Kasumi turned to look back at Shepard she was already intruding on the conversation. She had removed something from the little black handbag with her gun in it and twirled it on her finger. It looked like an ordinary dog tag chain, but had a long rectangular charm on the end of it.

"The Blue Sun's didn't kill Archangel," Shepard said, tossing the chain to the asari. "I did."

Garrus laughed, and leaned his head on his hand. It was good to see her looking out for him when she didn't know he was watching.

"You?" the woman said looking from Shepard to the trinket then back up. "I don't know what this is," she admitted. "Or who you are."

"Alison Gun," she said with a smirk.

"Ah yes," the salarian said, going to hold his chin. "You run that squad out in Terminus Space. Very effective I heard."

"I was," Shepard said, sinking into a hip. "Until Archangel fucked with one too many of my shipments through Omega. So I made sure to introduce myself to him personally."

"Is that what this is?" The asari holding the chain said. "Some kind of trinket?"

"Well it obviously doesn't work anymore, but it used to light up blue."

"Blue?" the salarian said, taking the chain from his friend. "I knew it. It's a piece of the screen off that damned visor he wore."

"Yes it is."

The people laughed and started introducing themselves to her, but Garrus had stopped listening.

Not only had she kept the screen of his old visor, she kept it _with _her? On a chain? Why? What could she have possibly accomplished by that? Shepard wasn't exactly the sentimental type. As far as he knew the only thing she ever held onto that meant anything to her was that book she had given him. She didn't even know where _her own_ dog tags were. Why would she keep a piece of the screen of his broken visor on a chain? Did that mean something to humans?

He shook his head and leaned back against the wall. He was over thinking it. Again. It was probably nothing.

"All clear, Shepard," Thane said. She excused herself from the people she was talking to and headed down to the vault. Shepard waited while Kasumi manipulated the different machines to get the vault open.

"I will handle cameras," Kasumi said. "Change clothes." She waved her omni-tool across the cameras in the vault then turned back to Shepard who was staring, sadly, up at the statue of Saren. Kasumi looked up at the gold idol, then back to Shepard. "Taichou?"

"Shepard," Thane offered.

"Yes. What? What happened?"

Kasumi and Thane shared a glance before Kasumi told her to change again.

"Oh. Right," Shepard said, clearing her throat.

Garrus sighed. After all this time, she still felt bad about Saren. He knew it just by looking at her. He had never talked to her about it, not in length. But he had always suspected, especially after her descent into madness driven by the memories of him. He made a mental note to talk to her about that later.

As they entered the vault and reached the gray box they were looking for, Garrus was about to turn his omni-tool off, satisfied that the mission had been completed, when Donovan Hock caught them in the act.

"I need your gray box, Kasumi," he bellowed. "You know I'll kill you to get it."

Shepard rolled her eyes as the billionaire spewed out his 'Big-Bad-Villain' speech. She tilted her head to the side as she seemed to observe the huge stone statue to her right.

"This is a beautiful piece," she interrupted.

"Yes it is," Hock said, a superiority entering his tone. "It's utterly priceless and you'd do well not to touch it!"

"_Utterly _priceless, you say," Shepard looked back at her comrades, letting out a long whistle as if impressed. "My goodness. That certainly sounds valuable."

Before anyone could see her move, she shot the statue and it crumbled to the floor in tiny shards.

"You _BITCH_," Hock raged. "I will punch your teeth down your scrawny throat for that!"

"Bring it on you pompous prick," she spat back at his hologram.

The alarm sounded and guards started to pour out from every door.

"God damn it," Shepard said diving into cover. "Garrus is never going to let me hear the end of this."

"West exit is locked down," Thane said, taking out a few mercs.

"Joker," Shepard shouted into her omni-tool. "Get our shuttle out here, we need extraction. Rental shuttle is a no go. I repeat rental shuttle is-"

Garrus turned off his omni-tool and sprinted to the elevator. "Joker," he said as he went. "I'm taking the shuttle to go pick up Shepard."

"How did you-"

"Never mind how," Garrus snapped. "Just open the damn hatch when I tell you to."

* * *

><p><em>Yeah, because your plans never stray from the path and turn into giant explosions with legs, <em>Garrus had said to her.

_Son-of-a-bitch-god-damn-__**fuck**__, _she cursed internally as Kasumi lead her and Thane out of the enclosure. How big was this guy's fucking house? Jesus.

They fought out to a Cargo Bay where Shepard had intended to call for Joker and instruct him to pick them up there, but Hock's gunship interrupted her train of thought.

"How much disposable income does this cock-sucker have?" Shepard spat.

"He has Statue of Liberty's _head, _Taichou."

"Yeah alright," Shepard said, getting behind cover. "Good point."

Shepard instructed Kasumi to concentrate on taking out the mercs, while Thane was supposed to concentrate on the ship with his rifle. Shepard alternated depending on who needed more help, but every time they made any progress on the gunship, its shield would just regenerate, coupled with some snarky 'End-Of-A-Vid-Villain' line from Hock over the loudspeaker. What's more; he had a, seemingly endless, supply of mercs. It almost seemed stupid to keep sending mercs after them, since all it seemed to do was provide them with more thermal clips. Idiot.

"Taichou," Kasumi said, panting. "I can take out shields if we get closer."

"Roger that," she said, motioning for Thane to move up.

Once the shields dropped again, Kasumi deftly pounced up a wall of crates and launched herself onto the front of the gunship, jamming her omni-tool into the shield generator. Once Hock saw what she was doing, she gave him a rather snide version of a military salute and leaped backward, doing some kind of Olympic dive and landing gracefully on her feet.

"What the fuck?" Shepard said with an eyebrow cocked. "Why didn't you tell me you were fucking Catwoman?"

"Taichou?"

"Never mind," she said, waving a hand. "Thane! Shields are down, shoot it!"

"It will be done," he said, finding a perch on some crates. He hardly had time to settle before something interrupted. "Incoming," he shouted.

Shepard looked up from behind a crate and saw a shuttle coming toward them. No, wait, that was _her _shuttle. It turned towards the gunship and started firing missiles at it in rapid succession. She was suddenly very grateful for Garrus' obsession with putting big guns on everything. While she was trying to see who was piloting it, a bullet whizzed by her face and grazed her cheek, cutting a long gash in it.

* * *

><p>"God damn it," Shepard cursed.<p>

Thane spared a moment to glance her way to make sure she was unharmed before returning to his original purpose of taking down the gunship. The Normandy's shuttle was providing excellent cover fire and Thane was confident that he had killed Hock with a well placed bullet through the skull just before the gunship exploded in a burst of blue and orange.

"Good job," Shepard said as she stood and made her way to them. She seemed perfectly healthy aside from the bloody gash along her cheek, but Thane could tell that it wasn't serious.

"Taichou," Kasumi said, going to the Commander's side.

"I'm fine," Shepard said as she pressed her hand to the wound, then looked at her gauntleted hand to check how badly it was bleeding. "It was my own fault; I took my eyes off the target."

"It could have been much worse," Thane offered, putting his hands behind his back.

"I uh…" Shepard swallowed, looking past Thane, obviously only half paying attention. "Yeah..."

Thane turned toward the heli-pad where the shuttle had landed and saw Vakarian slowly stepping out of it. Though he was never very good at reading emotions from the faces of turians, even Thane could see that Garrus was irritated. The turian crossed his arms and leaned back on the shuttle as if to ask what they were waiting for. Thane turned back to Shepard who seemed to be more or less frozen in place.

"Siha," Thane said, attempting to snap her out of her thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, right. Yeah let's get the hell out of here."

They climbed up the ladder and onto the pad one after another, Shepard bringing up the rear per usual. Thane nodded at Garrus, who ignored him, before making his way past the turian to the shuttle. He opened the side hatch to let Kasumi in, but the girl stopped in the doorway, looking back at the Commander with a girlish grin on her face.

"Garrus," Shepard said as she took the last step off the ladder. "I…how did you…"

Garrus put his hand up to motion for silence, which he got. He slowly approached the Commander and reached a hand up to take her chin in his hand and aim it up at his, forcefully turning her head to the side so he could scrutinize the wound. Thane thought it was oddly reminiscent of when Irikah would scold him when he would come home with new wounds.

Shepard's face very quickly reddened as the embarrassment filled her face.

_It's hard to make me blush, _she had said.

_Apparently, _Thane thought. _It is only hard for some. _

"One more inch to the right, Shepard," Garrus growled at her. "One more inch to the right and you would have been dead."

"And you being here would have prevented that _how_?" Shepard snarled back, anger filling her face in an attempt to cover up how she was blushing. "In fact; you showing up in the shuttle is what _distracted _me in the first place!"

"Well _forgive me _for showing up to save your sorry ass!"

Thane laughed to himself as he shared a knowing glance with Kasumi. The thief put her hands over her mouth and giggled. Thane and Kasumi loaded onto the shuttle to leave the two to their play-fighting. It was about time these two came to their senses. The way they avoided admitting to themselves what was so obvious to everyone around them, even Thane found it tiring.

"They will figure it out," Kasumi said, tinkering with the gray box they stole.

"_Before_ they kill each other would be preferable," Thane added.


	37. Fantasy

**_Roarkshop here: Just as a reiteration there's still quite a few chapters to go before any sort of "Getting together" ensues. Sorry of this bothers you. _**

**_Thank you so much to JasmineAlexandra for the beautiful icon and comic she made for this weeks chapter. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend going to check it out on the blog. www(dot)Roarkshop(net) or on her deviant art page!  
><em>**

**_THank you again for everyone who takes the time to review and tell me how they are liking the story. It really means the world to me and everyone's words are read and (usually) replied to, so keep your eyes on your inboxes! ^_^  
><em>**

**_Everything in this story is Bioware made. No sues for me plz.  
><em>**

**_Lovelovelove_**

**_Roarkshop  
><em>**

* * *

><p>Shepard rested her forehead against the tile of her shower as the glorious hot water ran down her back. Garrus was right. She was completely incapable of a mission going smoothly without him now. Not that it was <em>her<em> fault Hock had found them out, he had recognized Kasumi at the fucking door; they were doomed from the start. Still, Garrus didn't need any more ammo to hold over her head. If she ever had to leave him behind again he was just going to add this to the long list of examples he could use against her.

She scoffed and slammed her fist into the shower nozzle to turn the water off, resolving to go downstairs and get Garrus' 'I told you so' out of the way.

She dried herself off and stepped into her black captains casuals, leaving the shirt open like a jacket since she really didn't feel like fussing with the buttons. Shepard wasn't planning on seeing anyone else in the crew and hated how the neck of the shirt hugged her throat. Garrus was really the only one on the crew she was comfortable looking like a mess in front of, so fuck it. It was time to get this over with. She put her hands in her pants pockets and strolled into the elevator, flinging her wet curls over her shoulder, when it occurred to her Garrus might not even be awake right now.

Eh, whatever. She had come this far.

As she stepped off the elevator she took a moment to be grateful that the Mess Hall was completely abandoned this late at night.

"Hey _dad, _I'm here fo-" She stopped short when she realized she was talking to an empty Battery. What the heck? Where would he be this late at night? "Hey EDI," she said.

"I can recommend several effective techniques for tension relief, Commander. Your sleep patterns have been erratic and your stress levels unusually high, recently."

"Uh… yeah no thanks. Just tell me where Garrus is."

"Mr. Vakarian is showering."

"Ah. Thanks EDI," she said as she started to head that way.

"Logging you out, Shepard."

The Commander strolled that way, tucking the sides of her shirt behind her so she could put her hands in her pockets again. Just out of habit she went for the panel to open the door before she realized it was the bathroom and jerked her hand back.

_What's the matter with you? _She shouted internally. Christ, maybe EDI was right and she wasn't sleeping enough. She opted for banging on the shower door three times.

"Hey ugly!"

"Uh…Kind of busy," his voice echoed from inside the metal room.

"Well hurry it up. I don't have all night."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Does your interruption serve a purpose, Shepard?"

"Yeah. To get your ass out of the shower so I can talk to you."

"Well, can it wait for a bit? I uh… I'm kind of in the middle of some….clean…a…brations?"

She laughed.

"Alright well I'm going to go fuck with the Battery console until you get out."

She heard the water turn off and a grin spread across her face. She turned and headed back to the Battery, very much intending to make good on her threat.

It only took him two minutes to follow her.

"Whatever you're doing, stop," he said.

Shepard laughed and turned to lean her hands back on the console, intending to give him some kind of clever jab, but stopped short when she noticed she was looking at a very wet, very _shirtless_, turian.

Garrus had his shirt in one hand and was using a towel to dry off the side of his neck with the other. All he had on were his usual casual black pants and his visor. The metallic plates of his chest almost glistened in the red light of the Battery and Shepard tilted her head to the side as she observed him, totally forgetting she was supposed to have said something.

He laughed.

"You know, my eyes are up here, Shepard."

"Huh? Oh. Bite me, you giant crustacean. I was just taking note of the fact that you sparkle like a fairy when you're wet."

"You certainly know how to make a man feel good," he said with a grin.

"I can't believe you put your visor on before you put a shirt on. There's something especially wrong with you."

"I feel naked without a visor."

"You're half naked now, but you're okay because of something over your eye?"

"Shut up, Commander," he snapped good-naturedly. "Or should I say …What is it Kasumi calls you? Taaaaiiiichhhoouuu?" he said in his best girly voice.

Shepard winced. "Do me a favor and never make that noise ever again."

He chuckled and wrapped the towel around the back of his neck. "So what is that? Some kind of inside joke I'm not aware of?"

"Nah, it just means 'Commander'. Or I guess more accurately 'Captain' but I don't think there is a satisfactory substitute in her language."

"What language is that?"

Shepard laughed, and pulled her hair over her shoulder, wringing it out onto the floor. "Japanese. Native language of Japan. It's a country on my planet."

"Are you from Japan?"

"No, I'm American. We speak English."

"So," he said turning to look at her. "Why is it that you know the other one?"

"Well, Annie, the librarian who gave me that book, she was Japanese. I picked up bits and pieces from her then read as much as I could about it in the interim. Orphans have a lot of free time. And I figured it might come in handy. Though I can't read it for crap anymore."

"So how many languages do you know?"

"Bits and pieces of a bunch of languages, but only English, Japanese, and Common fluently."

"I barely know the one," Garrus teased.

"Yeah well, you're an idiot so…"

"An idiot am I?" he taunted, as he went to his bunk and removed something from underneath it. "Well, what is it we have here?"

Shepard felt her face get hot as she realized he had the chain with his old visor on it and was swinging it around his finger. This was going to be a hard one to talk her way out of.

"Where did you get that?"

"Well I went up to deliver a firm scolding after we came back, but you were showering and your satchel thing fell off of the desk. I was just picking it up for you when I discovered this little gem."

God, the superiority in his tone made her want to punch him.

"Well give it back," she snapped, reaching for it.

"Nope," he said, pulling it out of her reach.

"Ugh," she slumped down against the console and put her chin on her fist. "Alright. What do you want from me?"

He laughed. "Why do you even still have this, Shepard? On a chain, no less."

"Well I had _intended _to buy you a new one," she said, tossing her hair back over her shoulder. "That was the only whole piece that had the model number on it. I figured since I was the one to fuck it up, I may as well get you a new one."

"I already have a new one," he said, tapping the red screen in front of his left eye.

"No shit," she said with an eyebrow cocked. "But I mean… the blue visor was kind of your trademark right? I mean these drug smugglers at the party even recognized it as Archangel's."

He moved to lean on the console shoulder to shoulder with her, gathering the chain in the palm of his hand.

"Be that as it may," he said. "It doesn't explain why you carry it on you," he said, looking over at her.

She swallowed and could feel her face filling with blood again. God damn him. Why was he so good at embarrassing her? He knew her too well.

She was suddenly grateful for not having had any older siblings if this is what she would have had to put up with.

* * *

><p>"What is this?" she said tossing her wet hair out of her eyes. "I figured you'd have an 'I told you so' cocked and ready to fire at me for the mission exploding."<p>

"That can come later," he said with a grin.

She leaned her elbows back onto the console and crossed her feet at the ankles. "It's a reminder," she said finally.

He tilted his head to the side, looking down at her. "Of what?"

Before she spoke she let out a long, slow sigh, obviously not wanting to say what she was about to.

"Of how dangerous my weaknesses are."

Garrus exhaled through his nose and looked down at the screen in his hand. He knew exactly what she was talking about. The memory of it crashed through his mind: the madness in her face, the fear. How hard she had kicked him, how hard he had tried to subdue his instincts. The determined sadness as she tucked the barrel of the gun up against her head.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to get the image out.

"I can't ever let that happen again," she continued after the long silence. "Christ, I almost killed you, Garrus. It's a reminder to keep my shit together, a reminder of how much I have to lose if I don't stay in control."

"Well," he said, clearing his throat. "And here I thought it was a token of your undying love for me."

Shepard looked up at him, her eyes smiling as she fought the laugh threatening her lips. "Man I would love to live in that fantasy world you have in your head."

"Nonsense," he said. "No one can be more delusional than you."

She laughed and lifted herself up to sit on the edge of the console. "So," she said. "How in the hell did you know to come and get us?"

"None of your business," he said. "A magician never reveals his tricks."

"Oh, come on! That's such bullshit."

"Sorry Shepard, I'm going to take it to my grave."

"Which is going to be a lot sooner than you want it to if you don't tell me."

"You don't scare me, human."

"You are such a dick!" She shoved him in the shoulder and he laughed as he swayed a little. He tilted his head to the side as he observed her next to him, studied how her wet hair fell around her face and down her shoulders.

"What?" she asked.

"Your hair," he said. "It's long again."

"Ah, yeah." She reached up and twirled a bit around her finger. "It's kind of nice not having to fuss with it all the time. Maybe I should just keep cutting it."

"Don't," he said, faster than he probably should have.

"What? why?"

"Well, I like it," he admitted, standing up from the console and turning to face her. "It's very… you."

"And how would _you _know?"

He laughed and fondled the chain in his hand for a moment before opening it up and placing it over her head and around her neck like a necklace.

"Because no one knows you like I do," he said. He leaned over her, bracing one hand behind her on the console. His other hand pointed a finger and pressed it to the trinket against her chest. "You don't need this," he said. "I will always be here to compensate for your weaknesses, just like you have always been there to compensate for mine."

He could tell by the way she swallowed and her heart sped up that he was making her uncomfortable, so he stood and tousled her hair with a hand.

"Now you need to try and get some sleep," he said as he took her hand and pulled her off the console. "I will have a nice big 'I told you so' ready first thing in the morning."

"Oh good," she said with a nervous laugh, making her way through the door's threshold. "I love a nice side of humility with breakfast."

Garrus crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back into his heel with a grin.

"Goodnight, Shepard."

She tossed a smile over her shoulder. "Goodnight, Garrus."

The doors shut behind her and he stood there for several minutes, staring at the spot she had been in. He felt like he had exhaled a breath he had been holding for the whole conversation. It was getting harder and harder to be around her. Especially when she smelled that way she always did after a shower. Spirits, the citrus of her hair was intoxicating. He had taken a shower to calm himself down, to get the image of _her _showering out of his head. Fat lot of good that did.

_This isn't working _he said to himself, sitting at the edge of his bed. He wasn't making any progress. If anything it was just getting worse.

He sighed and put his face in his hands.

_I'm so screwed._

* * *

><p>Shepard wasn't really paying attention as she made her way back to her quarters, losing herself in her thoughts. Something was definitely different with Garrus recently. She had just assumed it was because his family was on board that he was acting so strange, but now that they had returned to the Citadel, Shepard wondered what about the situation had caused the change. He was so much more aware of her now, so attentive.<p>

Though, Tali was also slightly more attentive of late, so maybe it was having seen her be tortured that had put them in protective mode. Shepard fondled the charm around her neck and closed her eyes, trying to envision seeing them in the situation they had seen her. Strapped to a chair, bleeding, broken… screaming out as the electricity shot through them.

Shepard shook her head and waved a hand to shake the image out. Garrus must have gone mental seeing that, she knew _she_ would have. He admitted to thinking of her as family, maybe seeing her hurting like that was what triggered it all. But that didn't make sense, did it? If this was simply a case of 'I didn't know how much you meant to me until you were gone', wouldn't that have happened after she died?

Maybe it had…

The image of him wounded in the Med Bay filled her senses; covered in blood, rising with the sole purpose of protecting her.

_Promise me, _he had said. _Promise me that you're safe._

She remembered how his voice had rumbled from his throat, how she could feel the vibrations of it through her chest. His hands firmly gripping her hips, his angry, scrutinizing gaze locked on hers.

She exhaled a sigh and flopped onto her back on the couch, her feet dangling over the arm as she smiled to herself. This was a much better image to get lost in.

* * *

><p><em>Shepard and Garrus were sparring down in the Cargo Bay, exchanging blows just like they had on the SR1. Only this time, Shepard wasn't wounded, and Garrus wasn't oblivious. He felt the clink of his dog tags against his chest and took a moment to look down at them.<em>

_Wait…dog tags? Something was wrong here. Garrus didn't wear dog tags. And these were __**human**__ dog tags. He reached down to take them and read the name. _

_Jane Shepard._

"_Don't get distracted," she shouted, planting a well timed foot into his chest. He rocketed back and flew a good few feet before landing on the flat of his back. Before he could move she had planted her knees in his shoulders, exactly the way she had done it on the SR1. "Well, I see your hand-to-hand still sucks."_

"_Bite me, Shepard."_

"_You'd like that wouldn't you?"_

"_None of your business," he said, heaving her off him with his shoulder. She rolled and got back to her feet, laughing as she tossed her wild hair out of her face. She threw a tight jab and he caught her wrist, pulled it, and turned her so her back hit his chest. He wrapped his other arm around her neck from behind and he could feel her throat move under his grip. The scent of her hair filled his nose and he inhaled despite himself. _

_His talons ached. _

_She fired an elbow into his abdomen and wriggled free, but he held the grip on her wrist. She tried to yank it free but couldn't and a growl ignited in his chest at the sight of her trying to get free. He used his grip on it to pull her in again, but this time her chest pressed up against his. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pinned her arms to her sides. She pulled against his grip as her wild hair hung in front of half of her face. Like she always did, she tossed her head to the side to fling her hair out of her face, not realizing how she was exposing the side of her throat. _

_Instinctively Garrus moved a hand to grip her by the side of her neck and lowered his face to the other side of it, his mandibles fluttering against the vulnerable skin on her throat. She didn't pull away, but inhaled a sharp breath through her teeth. _

_What was he doing? This wasn't right._

_He gripped her by the shoulders and pushed, effectively slamming her up against the wall. _

_Deep, fast, ragged breaths pumped from his chest as he stared at her, trying to put the pieces back together. He needed to get a grip. He needed to regain control. His talons pierced the skin of her shoulders he was gripping them so hard, and she winced against the pain. The scent of her blood travelled too fast and he hung his head, looking down at the floor, noticing how her feet dangled in the air as he held her up against the wall. He searched the floor for answers, for will power, for anything. _

"_Garrus?" Shepard said, sounding more concerned then she ought to. _

_His resolve shattered._

_He looked up at her, making no attempt to hide the burning he was feeling. The bestial sound from his throat echoed through the room and he moved his hands down her arms and threw her onto the floor. She scrambled, backing up a few feet before he had her wrists back in his hands and pinned them down next to her head. The dog tags around his neck swung over her face before they stilled in the air. Her head tilted to the side as she looked up at him, that damned smirk of hers spreading across her face._

"_Alright, Garrus," she said, lifting her head off the ground. "You win."_

_She reached her head up and snatched the corner of the dog tag in her teeth, grinning as she used her grip on it to tug him down. _

_Garrus was stunned into silence as he looked down at her. Her hair fanned out under her like wild flames, her eyes taunting him, her lips smiling around the metal piece clenched between her teeth. His breath caught in his chest._

_Her mouth didn't move, but her voice echoed through the space._

"_This is where you wake up, Garrus."_

* * *

><p>"HUAH," he sat up in bed so fast he hardly remembered where he was. He took a moment to take in his surroundings, panting, listening to nothing but the sound of his heart racing and the quiet hum of the Battery. His brow plate furrowed as he put a hand on his head, closing his eyes like it would help him fight the frustration.<p>

_Damn it, _he said to himself, rubbing his eyes. How in the hell was he supposed to forget about these feelings? What is the line of defense for _dreams_? Not sleeping? Yeah that would turn out great.

He put his hands behind his head and laid back down, stretching his neck to one side and exhaling a long breath. The images came back as soon as his eyes closed. Her hands pinned above her head, his dog tags held teasingly between her teeth.

A hand subconsciously went to his chest to find the tags, but he only felt the bare plate of his chest. They weren't there. They never had been.

_Spirits, you're a mess. _He laughed to himself, running his hand down his face before flicking on his omni-tool. It was only 0400. He had a few hours before anyone woke up so he decided no harm would come from dwelling on his thoughts a little longer. He sighed as he stared up at the ceiling and thought for a moment that he could still smell Shepard's scent lingering around him, like she had actually been there.

He smiled to himself before taking a slow breath through his nose. While he was resolute in his decision to hide his feelings, he never really just stopped and…felt it. He had always heard from his co-workers or fellow soldiers about this feeling. About their bond-mates back home, or the person they knew they were meant for. Sure the feeling was unrequited, but he realized it was a _good _feeling to be so smitten, so enraptured. He lifted a knee and wondered idly if he would ever feel it for anyone else. If anyone else's scent would haunt him after a dream like it had actually been there.

"Shit," Shepard said after dropping something onto the counter.

Garrus sat up in bed again. He didn't _think _he smelled her scent, he _actually_ did. What the hell was she doing up at this hour? And in the kitchen?

He stood and rubbed his eyes against the florescent light of the Mess Hall groggily.

"You're up early," he groaned.

"Holy hobo's and hand grenades, Garrus. You're like… bat-turian. I can't sneeze without waking you up."

"What's a bat?"

"Oh uh. An animal with like…internal sonar."

"Oh. I don't have that."

"I know. I'm saying…you know what, just shut up. You want some coffee?"

"Sure," he said with a laugh, leaning his elbows on the opposite side of the counter. "And I wasn't sleeping."

"Garrus it's four in the morning."

"I'm aware."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Bad dream?"

"Something like that."

"Same here," she said as she turned the coffee maker on.

"I doubt it."

She turned around and leaned her back on the opposing counter, crossing her arms with a grin. "You're the only one allowed to have bad dreams?"

"No, I'm just saying that I doubt your dream was anything like mine."

"Yeah, I can't imagine you dream about Saren all that much."

He exhaled through his nose, looking up at her expectantly.

"It's nothing," she said, waving a hand.

He stayed silent, resting on his elbows, looking up at her.

"Seriously."

His brow plate quirked in an obvious show of skepticism.

"I hate when you know me," she cursed.

"That's all the time."

"I know! It's annoying," she said with a laugh letting her hands fall and hit her legs.

Shepard turned around and poured the coffee into a mug and started the second batch before sliding the mug over to him. He took it in his hands and looked down on it with a smile, realizing she had made the dextro coffee first. She reached a hand to pull out a drawer and plucked three packets of dextro sugar out and tossed them at him.

"I still think three is too many," she said.

"In _good_ coffee? I agree," Garrus said, shaking the packets into his mug. "In whatever this is? Absolutely necessary."

She grinned and crossed her arms again as he drank.

"So," he said, putting the mug back down and standing up straight. "It's weirding me out to see you making coffee for yourself."

"Ugh. It's like drinking tar. But you know…desperate times…blah blah blah. Its got more caffeine than tea. And I'll need it if I'm going to get through today."

"This is the part where you tell me what your dream was about."

"I already said, didn't I? Saren. It always comes back to Saren."

"Always?"

"Well, more frequently lately. Seeing him gilded in a gaudy gold statue didn't help."

"I had always meant to talk to you about Saren. You really beat yourself up about it when it happened."

"There's really nothing to talk about."

"Obviously there is. His memory almost drove you insane, and now it's giving you nightmares."

"Touché," she said as she turned to pour her own mug of coffee, before pouring the cream Garrus always saw the other humans use in their coffee, and three packets of her own sugar.

"You know, three is probably too many."

"Fuck you."

He laughed.

She held the mug in her hands and leaned her elbows on the counter, looking down into it like it was going to have answers.

"After Thane's little fiasco with his son on the Citadel I was talking to Jacob and Miranda in the Armory. Just bullshitting. I don't even remember how it came up but Jacob said something about the fact that I was so persuasive that I 'talked a bullet through Saren's head.' I got angrier than I should have, but it makes me so pissed that people see it that way, you know? Like people think I'm a big god damn hero because I voodoo'd Saren into killing himself."

"How would you _like _them to see it?"

"As one of my few unforgivable failures."

"Shepard."

"I know, I know. Saren was a human-hating power-hungry elitist dickbag and got what he deserved. But that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't _trying _to kill him. I was trying to _save _him. And I failed. He killed himself and that, in and of itself, proves that there was still good in him; that he was worth saving, right?"

"I suppose."

"Think of all he could have told us about the Reapers. Think about how much more prepared we would be." She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Saren is just another name on the list of people I couldn't save."

"You're not going to be able to save them all, Shepard."

"Don't say that," she said, putting her face in her hands.

"I know it's hard to hear, especially for someone like you." He exhaled and leaned his elbows back on the counter across from her. "But war will always have casualties. You can't blame yourself for all of them."

"The day I accept that casualties are unavoidable is just another step I take to becoming ruthless like Saren was. I won't do it. There's always a way. Saren, Ash, Pressley, all the people on these colonies, everyone we lost on the Citadel. I have to think that if I had been a little better, a little faster, I could have saved them. I don't want to end up not trying to save someone because I have already accepted their death. I have to carry them all with me. If I don't remember them, who will?"

"I will," he said, tilting his head to the side. "I think about them all the time."

She lifted her head to look across the counter at him, the glisten of tears threatening her eyes.

"You do?"

"Yeah, Shepard. We've lost a lot of people. And we may lose more. I know that's not a happy analysis, and I'm not looking to spread it around, but it's the reality. We have a hell of a fight waiting for us on the other side of the Omega 4, and the only person I'm confident is coming back is you."

"How do you figure?"

"Because the Collectors already killed you once and all they managed to do is piss you off. I can't imagine they'll stop you this time."

Shepard laughed once, a quiet, breathy sound through her nose.

"I wish I had your confidence in me."

"I have enough confidence for the both of us."

"Aint that the truth."

He laughed and let the silence fill the room for a few minutes before he spoke again.

"Hey," he said.

She lifted her head again and tilted it to the side tiredly.

"Hmm."

"We'll get the job done, Shepard," he said, reaching across the counter to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. "I know you'll bring us home."

She sighed and leaned her face into his hand with her eyes closed, almost like she intended to use his hand to sleep on. He swallowed nervously as he sat there with her face in his hand, admiring the way the light lit her skin and the way her messy hair fell in strands in front of her brow.

"You know," she said finally, slowly opening her eyes and letting them fall listlessly on her coffee. "I feel the exact opposite."

"About what?"

"Out of everyone, all this Reapers and Collectors and who-knows-what-else… I'm the only casualty I'm sure of."

"Shut up," he snapped, his grip tightening on her face as he straightened. "Don't talk like that. Not to me. Not ever again."

Her eyes widened as they looked over at him, obviously taken aback by his sudden anger.

"Calm down," she said after swallowing. "Just being pessimistic."

Garrus released her face and stood, rolling a shoulder out. "Don't think like that. It's not going to happen."

"And how do you suppose this story ends, Garrus?"

"With everyone holding hands and singing in a circle around the corpses of the Reapers."

She laughed. "That's unusually optimistic of you."

"Yeah I'm trying it out since you seem to be the bummer this time around," he said, letting his easy smile return. "It's unusually uplifting."

"Alright, what else?"

"You become President of the Universe."

"Hah! That means you're what? Vice President of the Universe?"

"I wouldn't turn it down," he said with a grin.

"Consider it done."

"And Kelly Chambers settles down with oh… five or six nice men and/or women."

"Tali and Kal'reegar get married."

"Oooh that's a good one."

"Can't you see that?" Shepard put on her best impression of the soldier. "I must admit, I love you ma'am." Then she switched to Tali, putting her hands over her mouth shyly. "Oh, Kal. You make me so happy. Tee-hee-lah-selai!"

Garrus leaned over his coffee to try and prevent himself from spitting it out as he started laughing.

They went on like that for a few more minutes before the silence took over.

"Oh, by the way," he said, turning to look at her sideways. "I told you so."

"God. Damn it."


	38. Challenged

_**Roarkshop Here: Sorry for the late post everyone. This past week kicked my butt! I'm surprised I got a chapter up at all. Next week might be late too, or not at all, since I have another back to back crazy week. But I will try my hardest to get a chapter up I promise. **_

_**Thank you for your kindness and understanding. Stupid life, getting in the way of what's important. UGH!  
><strong>_

_**Anyway I hope you enjoy the chapter and I can't wait to hear what you think. A big shout out to Nattetimen on DeviantArt for this weeks fantastic chapter icon! Go give her a shoutout! All feedback is appreciated. I love you guys! Have a wonderful week and I will (hopefully) see you next Monday.  
><strong>_

_**Lovelovelove  
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_**Roarkshop  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>"Shepard," Mordin said, looking up from what he was doing with giant green goggles over his eyes. "Glad you came. Exciting new experiment!"<p>

"Lay it on me, Mordin."

"Used turian DNA samples. Isolated genomes for weeks until study complete. With proper development; will have serum that may grant Levo-based life forms senses equaling that of turians."

"Wait…Where did you get turian DNA samples?"

"Simple really," he said. "Plenty of tissue samples left from-"

"You know what?" She said, putting up a hand to stop him. "Don't want to know."

He shook his head, muttering something about squeamishness.

"Alright…so… you're saying this thing would heighten senses?"

"Not simply heighten. Triple, _quadruple_ effectiveness."

"So we'd be able to, like, hear each other's heartbeats and shit? The way Garrus does?"

"Precisely!"

"Smell things better?" She said, feigning excitement.

"Yes!"

"See better?"

"Yes, yes, yes!"

"Run faster and jump higher?"

"YE- wait no. Serum would obviously not increase motor function, only the efficiency of basic senses."

"Bummer."

"Quite," he said, more or less ignoring her. "Once serum is complete, will be ready for test stage. Would test on self, but cannot accurately record data. Operative Taylor has volunteered."

"Oh splendid. That's just what we need. You will check with me before this happens, understood?"

"Yes, yes, yes. Will alert you once serum is complete."

"Very good. Don't blow anything up."

"Please Shepard," he scoffed, going back to his work. "Haven't had accidental explosion since grad school."

She laughed and made her way out to the elevator. That's just great. Mordin was going to turn everyone hyper sensitive. Weren't they sensitive enough? Jesus with heightened senses there'd be _way _too much fornicating going on. There would be no quiet to be had. Hopefully she could find a way to derail it before Mordin finished it. Perhaps by knocking on the Collector's door with a grenade.

Shepard stepped into the elevator and leaned her head back against the wall as she thought about the implications of heightened senses. If Mordin could really give humans the same heightened senses turian's had it would be an invaluable asset in battle, not to mention the possibility of it clearing up some clutter in her personal life. She laughed to herself. What would it be like to be able to read Garrus like a book like he was able to read her?

He would probably still dance around questions and still make her end up telling him more than he told her. Clever bastard.

She headed up to her quarters and changed into her workout clothes before heading back down to the crew deck before crossing through the Mess Hall. Joker, sitting across from Thane, whistled at her.

"I love being able to see your legs, Commander."

"Watch the tone, Lieutenant," she said with an entertained eyebrow cocked. "I can still kick your ass."

"You can do whatever you want to my ass. Wait…no. That came out wrong."

The rest of the crew had a good laugh at Joker's expense as Shepard made her way to the Battery.

"Shepard," Garrus said, turning around to face her. "Need me for something?"

"Hey, Sparkles, wanna get your ass kicked?"

"Is this your idea of foreplay?"

"In your freaky dreams, maybe. I need to work out my shoulder," she said as she rolled it out, showing him how she couldn't stretch it back all the way. "Come down and spar with me."

"As much as I'd love to embarrass you again, last time we sparred I nearly killed you, if you'll recall."

"Like _hell_, almost killed me. That's wishful thinking if I ever heard it. I was already wounded."

"That doesn't make my point any less valid."

"Seriously? You're afraid of hurting me? Me? President of the Universe?"

He laughed. "I believe that _you _believe you can win."

"Oh, you are such a jerk."

"Sorry Bug," he said with a smile. "Next time."

"Fine. Suit yourself, Lizard Face," she said, waving a dismissive hand and turning to leave the Battery.

* * *

><p>Garrus exhaled as he watched her leave. Maybe more accurately; watched her legs leave. What was he supposed to say? 'I'm afraid of losing control around you?' 'Even thinking about the scent of your blood makes me crazy?' 'If I don't keep myself together I'm afraid I might <em>kill<em> you?'

He had to stay at arm's length if he was going to keep his act together. Sparring with her while she was wearing close to nothing was not the way to keep his instincts in check. He turned back around to keep working on his beloved console, trying to ignore the guilt he felt from refusing to help her.

"Hey Thane," she said. "Feel like sparring?"

Garrus froze, a chill surging up his spine.

"Sparring?" Thane said. "As in…fighting? Each other?"

"Yes, Frog Prince. Hand-to-hand? Get into Fisticuffs? Duke it out? Have a bout?"

"With a trout!"

"Really, Joker?"

"Oh come on. That was gold."

"I know what sparring is, Siha," Thane interrupted, fighting a laugh. "I was merely curious about your desire to do so."

"I need to work out my shoulder. I got messed up on the Augustine and the heist didn't exactly help at all."

"I told you," Chakwas said snidely from the other table. "You never listen to me."

"Oi! Mother hen! Always with the 'I told you so'."

Thane chuckled and stood. "Very well," he said. "I suppose I could do with the exercise."

The Battery console creaked under the force Garrus was putting on it. He inhaled a slow breath and slowly lifted his hands, resolving not to break the console in his fury. He had no right to interfere. If Garrus was unwilling to help her, she was going to find someone who could. Thane was the logical substitute. The two of them were getting closer. It was only a matter of time.

Still, if he would have realized that sooner…

No. It was a bad idea to get that close to her and Garrus knew it. He needed to just let it happen. It was going to happen sooner or later anyway, right? There was no reason to get himself worked up over something as stupid as a play-fight.

_What are you, stupid? _He could hear his dad scold._ That green one is fast; faster than Shepard and you KNOW it. You really want to see her pinned under him? With his slimy green hands on her-_

Before the thought could even finish defining itself in his head, Garrus quickly whirled around with the sole intention of stopping Shepard. A logical part of his brain tried to tell him what an idiot he was being, but his body made it very clear he had no say in the matter. Thankfully, he didn't even make it out of the Battery before Tali, like an angel spirit, came around the corner crying.

"Jane…"

"Tali? What happened? Are you okay?" Shepard said, taking the quarian by the shoulders.

"No. No. Jane I need to talk to you I-" She couldn't finish her sentence, just hung her head into her hands.

"Okay, okay." Shepard said, turning the girl toward the elevator. She turned an apologetic smile over her shoulder to Thane. "Rain check?"

Thane half-bowed and returned to his seat across from Joker as the girls loaded themselves onto the elevator.

Garrus leaned against the Battery console with a relieved exhaled, crossing his arms over his chest in a haphazard attempt to cover up his original intention. He had almost done something really _very _stupid. The last thing he needed was to explode on Krios and give himself away. Spirits he needed to get a handle on this. If just the thought of Thane and Shepard sparring was enough to make him lose himself, what was going to happen when the two inevitably got together?

Still, he couldn't help but feel that it was a small victory over the assassin. As hard as Thane was angling for Shepard's affections, he had to have been looking forward to it to some extent. Garrus knew _he_ would have been.

_It's not a competition,_ he told himself, eyeing the drell in the Mess Hall. _And even if it was, he would have already won. You need to let this go._

Garrus sighed and looked at his feet, half defeated, before he heard Thane speak at the other end of the hallway.

"Tell me," Thane said, picking up his mug with one hand and sinking back against his chair. "What is a rain check?"

"Oh," Joker said moving his hand around like he was looking for words. "It's a…it's like a…postponement. Like when you ask for a rain check you're pretty much saying 'we'll pick this back up another time'. So Shepard is still going to spar with you. Just…you know… later."

"I see," Thane said, draping his other arm over the back of his chair and turning to focus his cold eyes on Garrus down the hallway. "Excellent."

Garrus and Thane locked eye contact and his mandibles double clicked in aggravation. The moment was a silent conversation, a deadly exchange. The predator in Garrus responded to the obvious challenge. As he stood there, leaning against the Battery with his arms crossed, his fists tightened subconsciously.

Thane raised his mug to his lips and drank, carelessly, unworried. The superiority in his face, the snide smirk and confidently quirked eyebrow, was what made the sneer overtake Garrus' face. He could feel himself starting to bare his teeth in anticipation for a fight.

_Game on, Krios._

Garrus stood and made his way through the Mess Hall toward the elevator. They watched each other like two alpha-nathaks in a neutral territory. Their eye contact didn't break until Garrus was out of line of sight, loading himself onto the elevator. Once the doors closed he slammed his hand into the command for Shepard's quarters, he rolled his neck out, trying to calm. Just because he was determined not to ruin his friendship with Shepard didn't mean he had to just _let_ Thane take her from him. No. He couldn't do both. He couldn't try to hide his own feelings while simultaneously just _watching _the drell move in for the kill.

Garrus had no idea what he was planning on doing to stop it, but he had responded to Thane's taunting and made it clear he wasn't going to step down. He stepped into Shepard's quarters, completely forgetting why she and Tali had come up here in the first place.

_Damn that green_ _bastard_, he cursed internally. He had let Krios piss him off and charged up here without thinking. Tali was sitting at the edge of the bed and Shepard was crouching on the balls of her feet with her hands on the quarian's knees as she talked. They both turned to look at who was interrupting.

"Hey," Garrus said, stepping in awkwardly. "You can't just leave the room crying, Tali. I worry."

"I'm sorry, Garrus," Tali said sadly. Shepard stood and exhaled a slow breath through her nose.

"Yeah. Give us a minute, Garrus. She's kind of-"

"No it's okay, Shepard. I don't mind."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Tali said with a sniffle. "Come in, Garrus. You might as well hear it too."

Garrus shared a concerned look with Shepard as he made his way down the stairs and to her side.

"The Admiralty Board has accused me of treason."

"What?" Garrus said. "How can that be? Have they even _met _you?"

"That's what I said," Shepard confirmed, sinking back into her heel and crossing her arms. Garrus could tell she was putting the Commander mask on in an attempt to keep her cool. He could feel the heat coming off of her and hear how her heart was thumping furiously in her chest. "Nobody who knows you would believe for an instant that you'd betray your people."

"I don't know," Tali said. "They don't make charges like this unless the evidence seems absolute. But thank you. I appreciate your faith in me."

"Could this have to do with working with Cerberus?" Garrus asked.

"I'm not here working with _Cerberus_," she said, the word sounded like a curse when she said it. "I'm here working with Shepard, and they know it. They granted me leave to do it. It can't be that."

"Give me the steps, how do we fix it?"

"I need to get to the fleet. Book a shuttle out or something. If I don't get there in time, or I get convicted, I'll be exiled and I'll never be able be able to go back to my people again." She sank her head into her hands.

"Shuttle my ass," Shepard said, turning on her heel and heading out of the room. "Send the fleet's current location to the Cockpit, Tali. Now."

Tali looked up at the Commander as she was making her way onto the elevator. "Shepard you don't have to-"

"I said _now _Ms. Zorah," Shepard demanded as the elevator doors shut.

"I'd…do what she says, Tali," Garrus said with a small smile.

Tali typed something into her omni-tool then put her head back in her hands.

"I'm scared, Garrus," she said.

"Hey." He sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. "It's gonna be okay. Shepard will fix it. You _know _she will."

"I hope so," she admitted, laying her head on his shoulder.

"At this point everyone in the galaxy should know better than to screw with Commander Shepard."

Tali laughed. "Shepard won't actually be able help once we get there. The captain of my home ship will have to defend me. So we'll see how that works out."

"If Shepard wants to help, I don't think your people's rules are going to be able to stop her."

* * *

><p>Joker was leaning back in his chair with his feet crossed at the ankles on the table, lifting the two front legs of his chair off of the ground so he could lean back further. Thane, sitting across from him, was calmly sipping his tea, sinking back in his chair as they talked.<p>

"So you remember _everyone _you've ever killed?"

"With perfect clarity," Krios responded, sipping his tea.

"Jesus. How old were you when you killed your first man?"

"Twelve."

"Twelve _years_?"

Thane quirked an eyebrow and smiled. "No, twelve days."

"Yeah, alright smart ass."

"It seemed a silly question."

"It was rhetorical."

"JOKER!" Shepard bellowed as she stepped back into the Mess Hall.

"Wagh!" he shouted, falling backwards. The only reason he didn't crash onto the ground was Thane's very timely foot planting into the seat of his chair and slamming it forward and back onto all four legs. Joker looked down at Thane's foot which was perched at the edge of his seat between his legs. He cleared his throat and adjusted his hat. Thane didn't even look like he had moved, still calmly sipping his tea. "Jesus. Careful, man! Christ, my future children's lives just flashed before my eyes."

"You're welcome," the drell replied.

"Get your ass to the Cockpit!"

"What's up Commander? We're not going to Pragia?"

"No. We're not going to Pragia."

"What the fuck, Shepard!" Jack shouted from the other side of the Mess Hall.

"Pragia is still going to be abandoned and prime for detonating in a few days. We have an emergency situation right now."

"Pffft, whatever."

"Go, Joker. You have new coordinates on your console. You need to get us there. Yesterday."

"Yes ma'am," Joker said, scrambling out of his chair and limping to the elevator.

"Ridiculous," Mordin scoffed as he came out of the Med Bay with those goggles still over his eyes. "Time travel galactic _impossibility_. Should retrieve sample from core of dying star while at it."

Shepard rubbed her eyes with her forefinger and thumb. "Yes, Mordin. Helpful."

* * *

><p>Garrus and Tali brought up the rear as Shepard marched through the quarian ship. There was a special kind of determination in her. Her footfalls were louder, her heartbeat was faster, her hands never ceased to be fists. As respectful as she tried to be while talking to the captains and Admirals, Garrus could tell she was seething.<p>

"Wait…Raan," Tali said backing up from her aunt. "You called me Vas Normandy."

"I'm afraid I did, Tali. The Admirals thought it fitting you should be tried under that name."

"What does that mean?" Shepard asked. "That sounds bad."

"They stripped me of my ship name. They might as well have declared me guilty already."

"What the hell? Tali doesn't have any say in this? Does she get a defense counselor or something?"

"Indeed she does, Captain Shepard. She is recognized, by quarian law, as part of your crew. In our trials the accused party's Captain speaks on their behalf."

"So, um," Tali folded her hands over each other nervously. "Since the Normandy is my ship, that means you're my captain now. So… you'll have to speak for my defense."

"HAH!" Shepard said, pumping a fist like that was a victory. "Sweet."

Shepard marched on ahead, not bothering to dismiss herself from the Admiral's company. Garrus gave Tali a playful elbow to the side.

"I'm sure they don't know the favor they just did you," Garrus said.

"I have to admit," Tali said. "I was hurt to hear it, but at the same time I couldn't help but feel relieved."

* * *

><p>"Then explain how geth <em>seized <em>the lab ship where your father was working!" Admiral Koris spat, leaning over the railing threateningly.

"They…what?"

"Geth have killed everyone on the Alarei as far as we can tell," Gerrel added. "Your father included."

"No… No that…." Tali looked down, shaking her head like she was looking for answers.

"What the hell is this?" Shepard sneered. "Accusing one of your hero's of treason with a nice side of 'Oh, by the way _your father could be dead?'_ What the hell is the matter with you people?"

"Shepard is right," Raan said with no small amount of disdain. "Tali should have been informed."

Garrus leaned against the railing behind his squad members. Bad news aside, he really should be videotaping this. Shepard defeating the quarian Admiralty Board by shouting at them was going to be something worth re-watching.

"Ja-er, Captain," Tali said, taking Shepard's arm. "We have to take back the Alarei. He could still be alive."

"We will, Tali."

"The safest course of action," Koris droned. "Would be to simply destroy the ship from a distance. But if you're looking for an _honorable death _instead of-"

Both women leaned forward and pointed at him, shouting the same thing, at the same time.

"We're looking for her father, you asshole!"

"I'm looking for my father, you bosh'tet!"

They looked at each other.

Garrus stifled a laugh. Tali may have been spending too much time with Shepard lately.

* * *

><p>They spoke to the Admirals. Well, rather, Tali spoke to the Admirals and Garrus helped where he could. Shepard kept her arms crossed and didn't let a word escape her lips. God damn, she was so pissed. She knew if she even opened her mouth to try and help she would fly into a string of curses that would probably make <em>Jack <em>blush. That wasn't going to earn Tali any favors. But holy fuck, right? This whole thing was obviously a giant farce. And Shepard was going to make damn-well sure the Admirals knew it before she left this ship.

"I take no pleasure in this, Tali, truly," Admiral Koris said nonchalantly. "But you have gravely endangered and dishonored our fleet."

Garrus' quick grip on Shepard's shoulder was the only thing that kept her from punching the snide right off of the Admiral's helmet.

"Easy, Tiger," Garrus rumbled softly.

"I am going to kill every exo-suit-wearing-bobble-head-mother-fucker in this god damn place." She whispered it, knowing that none of the quarians would be able to hear it through her own suits speakers. Still, it felt good to say, regardless. And by the way Garrus stifled a laugh, she was pretty sure he had heard it.

They killed their way through the Alarei, finding clues to what went on, but nothing Shepard really understood.

"I don't know what outcome is worse," Tali said, more to herself than to them. "That I got sloppy and sent something active? Or that father actually…did all of this."

"Come on," Shepard said, as she opened the next door. "We need to get this done before they declare us dead and all of this is for nothing."

With Tali's hacking and Garrus' long range capabilities, the fight through the Alarei didn't last long. Christ, they were dropping faster than prom dresses. Shepard took a moment to enjoy the action. It was good to have the dream team back together, doing what they did best. A well-oiled killing machine, moving systematically over the synthetic corpses.

Albeit the circumstances weren't exactly ideal.

Shepard charged down the hallway toward the next room while Tali deciphered some information on a console. As soon as she reached the steps, she recognized the corpse on the floor from the pictures Tali had shown her.

_Ah, shit, _Shepard thought. For a minute she froze, panicked. Her brain tried to think of a response; hide the body, divert Tali, find a different route, blow up the ship, anything. Deep down she knew there was no way around this, but in that moment she hoped for any outcome other than the one she got; Tali running down the hallway.

"Father!" She shouted, falling to her knees at his side. "No. No no no. You always had a plan. Masked life signs, or, or an on board medical stasis program, maybe. No. You…. They're wrong! You wouldn't just…. _Die _like this!" She slammed her fists into her father's chest. "You wouldn't just _leave me! _You promised! You promised to build me a house on the home world! You cant-"

"Tali," Shepard said, taking her by the shoulder. "Hey."

Tali threw her arms around Shepard's neck and the Commander gladly wrapped her in her arms. Garrus put a hand on Tali's shoulder from behind, hoping it was comforting.

"Damn it," Tali sobbed. "Damn it!"

_Every single one of them, _Shepard repeated in her head, trying to quell her anger long enough to comfort Tali. _I'm going to kill them all and decorate my cabin with their helmets._

* * *

><p>They could hear the Admirals already concluding that they were all dead and Shepard mumbled under her breath as they marched through the hallways, gaining ground faster than the other two.<p>

"Is she going to kill someone?" Tali asked softly.

"Uh… On one hand, I hope not. But on the other, I wouldn't be surprised."

"There is no reason to believe Tali'Zorah survived," Koris said with a superiority so familiar Garrus wondered if he had it trademarked.

"How about the fact that she's killed bigger and more dangerous enemies with her _hands_ than you've ever even seen with your own eyes, Admiral?" Shepard shouted from the other side of the room as she charged in.

"Yes. Sorry we're _late_," Tali said with quite a bit of sarcasm of her own.

"Go get your floating sardine can."

"We apologize, Shepard. Your success in taking back the Alarei is… unexpected." Admiral Gerrel admitted.

"Unexpected? Do you even know who I am?" Shepard cursed.

Oh, this was going to be good. Garrus flicked his omni tool on discretely and leaned on the railing as he started recording.

"Your success is very welcome, Captain Shepard," Raan interjected.

"Well, don't dally about," Koris spat. "Did you find anything?"

"Yes, Shepard," Gerrel said. "Did you find any evidence on the Alarei that might clarify what happened there?"

Shepard looked down at the floor, squeezing her hands into fists. Garrus knew she was conflicted. There was no way she was going to let Tali get exiled, but she also didn't want to betray her friend's trust by revealing that her father was a war criminal. Garrus was certainly glad he wasn't the one in her boots.

"Shepard, please," Tali said, reaching out to the Commander as she stepped forward.

"Does Captain Shepard have any new evidence to submit to this hearing?" Raan asked.

Shepard, in the way Garrus had seen her do before, outstretched her arm and pointed at the Admiralty Board.

They flinched.

"Tali's achievements are the only evidence you should need," she sneered. She paused for a moment to let her words sink in, turned around, and walked away. "Come on, Tali. We're leaving."

Tali nodded and turned to follow her, unquestioning.

"I…what?" Raan said, confused.

"_This is a formal proceeding_!" Koris bellowed angrily.

Shepard whirled around and charged the stage, gripping the railing in her hands so hard the sound her gauntlets made on the metal silenced the room like a thunderclap.

"WRONG, Koris. This is a SHAM! You are obviously only angling to get sympathy for the geth to forestall Gerrel's war effort!"

"Pp-I… That is-"

"And YOU," Shepard wheeled onto Gerrel. "You're trying to get the experiments covered up so that you can get support and throw your whole _fleet _at the geth!"

"I…I…"

"And I'm pretty sure that Xen, the third member of this so-called 'Unbiased Admiralty Board', is crazier than a god damn barrel of pyjacks drowning in a river! None of you care about Tali. None of you are here for your ordained, _sacred, _duty of delivering an unbiased and fair judgment about the fate of one of your people's _hero's. _So go ahead," she spat flinging a dismissive hand. "Exile the woman who defeated Saren. Exile the greatest hero your people have ever known. I dare you. See if I even flinch. We are about to take on a threat so big your empty helmets couldn't even comprehend it. If we even survive that, I will spare a moment to mourn her quarian citizenship. I don't care what you do with your stupid toy ships. I don't care if you want to throw your lives away as you barrel down onto a threat you have no hope of defeating. Do what you want. But you _will _leave my crew _out _of your political _bullshit_ or so help me I will bring down hell on this whole fleet faster than you can Keelah-se-fucking-lai!"

"Nice," Garrus said softly to himself.

"Shepard's right!" Kal'Reegar said, jumping up from the audience. "Tali'Zorah has done more for our fleet than you assholes _ever _have!"

Quarian expression was amongst the hardest in the galaxy to read. But it was plainly obvious that the four Admirals were stunned into bewildered silence.

The Admirals came to their senses, of course, dismissing the charges against Tali. They couldn't argue with Shepard, they knew she was right. Tali's trial was just a show to gain support and it was obvious they all realized how wrong they had been to use her as a political medium.

"Please accept these gifts," Raan said, transferring items through her omni-tool. "In appreciation for you taking the time to represent one of our people.

"I didn't represent one of your people, Admiral. I represented one of _mine._"

"So you did, Shepard," Gerrel said, sounding a little more reverent than he had been.

Most of the congregation scattered slowly after it concluded and Shepard made her way back up the stairs, Tali and Garrus in tow.

"Borderline racism aside," Tali said afterward, pulling Shepard aside. "I can't believe you pulled that off."

"Really?" Garrus said, meeting them. "I'm more surprised she managed to wait that long to shout at everyone." He laughed and clapped Shepard on the back. "Way to go, Bug. I'm proud of you. You didn't even shoot anyone!"

"I was one exile away from a killing spree," She scoffed, shaking her head. "Believe me."


	39. Matched

_**Roarkshop here: Sorry about the unexplained absence last week, guys. I did blog/tweet/tumblr/FB about it, but I realize not all of you watch me on those sites so I'm sorry that you were left in the dark without a chapter last week. Suffice it to say life has gotten CUH RAZY! But I got the chap done and a huge thanks to Jasmine Alexandra for doing the icon for me last minute. It's awesome!**_

_**Thank you for your understanding. As always, you comments/reviews/PM's are always read and almost always replied to, so keep your eyes on your inboxes if you want to hear from me! ^_^  
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_**Feel free to contact me any time on my personal e-mail TheRoarkshop(at)Gmail(dot)com ^_^ and I hope you have a WONDERFUL Memorial Day!  
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_**Lovelovelove  
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_**Roarkshop  
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* * *

><p>Shepard was pleased with herself for having managed to save Tali's citizenship without causing some kind of political upset, since it was pretty clearly heading in that direction by the time Shepard put 'fuck' in the middle of one of their most sacred sayings. But whatever, right? She got the job done and she didn't kill anyone. A win is a win is a win.<p>

They stayed docked with the Fleet for the night so Tali could mourn with her friends and family before they headed out. If the girl had any sense, she would be all up in Kal'Reegar's grill right now, making the quarian equivalent of kissy face. How would that even work? Did they just like, rub their helmets together?

Shepard laughed to herself as she sat on the arm of her couch, staring into the blue glow of the fish tanks. A thought she had been trying to ignore forced itself to the front of her mind.

It was almost time.

After helping Jack with one final piece of business, it was time to get the IFF the Illusive Man had directed her towards and then take everyone through the Omega 4. Certain death was just what she needed to remind herself what a coward she was.

She exhaled as she fell back onto the couch, letting her legs dangle over the arm. She had the same old conversation with herself. What if this was the last chance she got? Maybe it was finally time to tell Garrus how she had fallen for him. Maybe she needed to take that step. If they were all going to die in the Omega 4 anyway, wasn't it time for her to finally say it out loud? Didn't she regret having not told him the _last _time she died? Even after the inevitable conversation of "Sorry, Shepard you're a human," they wouldn't even live long enough for her to notice the awkwardness between them after that.

_And what if you don't die? _She said to herself, staring up at the ceiling. _What if you live just long enough to watch him walk out of your life forever? _

No he wouldn't do that, right? It would be awkward for a while, sure, but he said he thought of her as family. Admitting a crush wouldn't be enough to make him lose respect for her.

Would it?

She let out a defeated exhale. Who was she kidding? She knew damn well she was going to stay just as silent as she had always been. Admiring him from afar, refusing to admit just how badly she needed him. She sat up and headed downstairs to have dinner with the rest of the crew, hoping it would take her mind off of how pathetic she was being.

_I'm Commander Shepard, _she thought. _And this is my favorite cop out on the Citadel. _

* * *

><p>Thane sat amidst the crew in the Mess Hall. He had found himself doing so more and more frequently as time went on. He had grown rather fond of most of the crew. Even the Yeoman and Engineer girl, while tiring like small, excitable dogs, were kind and charming in their own ways. Travelling with comrades had never been a practice that Thane was familiar with, though now that he had done it for so many months together, it was hard to deny how it had grown on him.<p>

They all watched the Mess Hall screen as Vakarian showed them the footage he had taken of the Commander shouting down the quarian Admiralty Board. It was certainly entertaining, though hardly surprising. Thane was more interested in the turian. He eyed the tall man for several moments, trying to pin point what it was about him that had Shepard, and several of the other females on board, so enthralled. While he was certain that Vakarian's large, powerful form was what mostly appealed to the woman on the ship, Shepard was an entirely different animal. She did not care for petty wants and desires, it would take something certainly extraordinary to reduce her to shambles the way this sniper did.

Thane was nothing if not observant of people. He had always had a talent for reading in between the lines and accepting what was his emotional bias, and what was fact.

The facts were thus: Shepard had an important mission, perhaps more important than anything Thane had ever been a part of. This mission, however, had been repeatedly put on hold so that she could personally attend to the wants and needs of her crew. She understood that a suicide mission was a lot to ask for, and sacrificed precious time and resources to making sure that everyone was at peace before they took on the impossible. She very well could have allotted a set amount of time and credits to each individual to get their issues handled on their own, but she didn't. She made sure that she had her hands, personally, on every favor. She had not only saved Kolyat, but reunited them as family and now they talked often, and like father and son should.

As far as emotional bias went, Thane was eternally grateful to her. She was the closest friend he had ever had, and she hadn't even _tried_ to be that. She was nothing but herself, and managed to wriggle her way into his life and make him care for her in a way he had no one else. She would never be Irikah, and Thane had no intention of attempting to pretend she could be. He loved his wife, he always would. But Shepard had become dear to him whether he liked it or not, and in the moments Thane took to observe the oblivious turian, he was determined to repay her anyway he could.

Even if that meant pretending that he was trying to steal her.

She came around the corner from the elevator just in time to see her speech concluding. Her eyes widened as she recognized it, obviously having no knowledge of it being filmed in the first place.

"…you _will _leave my crew _out _of your political _bullshit_ or so help me I will bring down hell on this whole fleet faster than you can Keelah-se-fucking-lai!"

The crew cheered and laughed, making Shepard smile, perhaps despite herself, and put her hands on her hips.

"Where in the hell did you get this?" she said, sinking into her hip.

Just about everyone in the Mess Hall pointed at Garrus who was leaning casually against Gardener's counter.

"Oh, you are _all _just a bunch of traitors," he scoffed.

"Well don't let Tali see it," Shepard said. "She's had a hard enough day she doesn't need to relive this, regardless of how epic my speech was."

The crew resumed eating just as Shepard crossed Thane, obviously heading to Garrus with the intention of engaging him.

Thane made sure that didn't happen.

"Siha," he said just as she started to pass him. "How is your shoulder?"

"My shoulder?" She said as she turned to him, putting a hand on the aforementioned appendage and rolling it out with a smile. "Not bad, though a little sore still. I'm surprised you remembered."

Thane leaned his elbows onto the table and held his hands together. "Of course I remember. I believe you owe me a match because of it."

"That's right!" Shepard said, hitting him in the arm playfully. "I _do_ owe you a match."

"A match?" Kelly said, leaning into their conversation. "You two are going to spar?"

"Awww shit," Jack said, standing up. "This I gotta see."

"You know what a match means," Kenneth said, leaning back in his chair. He put his index finger in his mouth and raised it in the air as if he was checking for a breeze. "I think I feel a wager coming on."

"Children, please," Shepard said. "We never said we were going to spar _now._"

"And why not?" Kenneth said. "We're docked for the evening, aren't we?"

"Yeah, Commander," Miranda said. "Though, if you're afraid to lose we'll understand."

"I think we all know that is not the case," Thane defended with a reproachful eye in the operative's direction.

"I suppose I've got nothing better to do," Shepard said, crossing her arms with a playful smile spreading across her lips.

"It is my experience," Thane said as he stood, locking eyes with the increasingly frustrated turian across from him. "That if the chance presents itself, there is no reason not to act. You never know when the opportunity might be taken from you."

"That was oddly sentimental, Debby Dramatic," Shepard said with an oblivious eyebrow cocked.

"Perhaps it was," Thane said with an apologetic smile in her direction.

Shepard laughed and patted him on the shoulder. "Alright Krios, downstairs in ten and I'll wipe the Cargo Bay with you."

"I look forward to watching you try."

* * *

><p>Thane found himself a little apprehensive of the whole exercise. Not that he was afraid of losing, but he was afraid of truly hurting her. His instincts had been honed since childhood. He did not fight for exercise, he fought to kill and only to kill. As he waited for her in the Cargo Bay, the entire crew having assembled outside the window to watch, he wondered if fighting her face to face, in a well lit room, was enough to her advantage to throw his instincts off guard.<p>

"Shepard obviously doesn't know how long ten minutes is," Thane could hear someone saying outside the window. They had activated EDI's speakers so that the sound from each room could be heard in the other. This was promising to be quite the spectacle.

"Who did you bet on?" Hadely asked.

"Battlemaster, of course," Grunt said with a scoff.

"I had to put my money on Krios. Shepard's powerful sure, but he's a trained assassin. Shepard's a grappler."

"Which is exactly why she'll win," said Jack.

"What the hell is this?" Shepard said, coming into the room and unzipping her hoodie. "Did someone sell tickets?"

"Come on, Commander. You can't think we'd miss this! There's too much coin to me made!"

"Kenneth, this Pit Boss thing you do is going to get you in trouble."

"Your concern for my wallet is appreciated, Commander."

Shepard found Garrus standing behind everyone, still perfectly visible as he towered above the congregation. Their eyes locked and she wondered why he looked so pissed; Arms crossed, brow plates lowered, mandibles double-clicking. Maybe he thought this was a bad idea. Maybe it _was_. Thane was a killing machine, and Shepard knew it. But the worst that could happen was that she lost a bout in front of her crew. She wasn't so proud that she couldn't lose to a worthy opponent.

"If you are uncomfortable with an audience," Thane said. "We might post-pone."

"Don't be ridiculous, you're the one who was all 'if the chance presents itself, there is no reason not to be in awe of how wise and all-knowing I am'." Shepard said in her best wise voice.

"That was quite a lot of embellishment," he said, letting his eyes travel over her form as she removed her sweatshirt and tossed it to the side.

"Regardless," Shepard said with a smile, sinking into her back foot. "I've done more nerve-wracking things than _this_ in front of a crowd."

"WOOOOOOOOOO!" Joker shouted.

"Not that, damn it. Joker, get your mind out of the gutter."

"Aw lame."

"_Kick his ass, Shepard!"_ Jack shouted with a fist in the air.

Thane laughed and started to remove his jacket, folding it over once as he tossed it off to the side. A severe silence went through the crowd as the women all started whispering to each other and giggling like children.

"You just couldn't help yourself, could you," Shepard said.

"The jacket is too restricting for hand-to-hand," he said with a smirk, turning to face her.

"Yeah we'll just go ahead and pretend you didn't enjoy that."

"Maybe a little."

Shepard couldn't stop her eyes from traveling down his chest, looking at the black markings that accentuated the ropey muscles under his skin.

"You look like a green tiger," she said.

"A…what?"

"You have stripes."

"Oh. Yes. How very astute of you."

She laughed and turned to the audience outside the window, crossing her arms and sinking into a hip. "What are the odds?"

"Thane's the favorite by five," Kenneth said, looking at the data pad.

"Nice. I love being the underdog," Shepard said, pumping a fist.

"Enough! Get on with it already," Grunt shouted.

Thane put his hands behind is back as he stretched his neck by rolling his head from one side to the other and Shepard rolled out her shoulders before tying her curls up into a pony-tail.

"Alright, alright," she said, putting her hands up in a boxer's stance. "Let's dance."

Thane sank a foot back to turn to her sideways and lowered his center of gravity, raising his hands to chest level palms down.

Their eye contact locked for a moment that seemed an eternity, both waiting to see if the other moved. Thane could almost hear the anticipation in the crowd. A small smirk played across Shepard's lips, and he knew she was coming.

* * *

><p>Garrus stayed silent with his arms crossed at the back of the crowd, watching as Thane and Shepard prepared for their match. He did his best to ignore the flirtatious banter and the way Shepard was eyeing him up and down appreciatively. In whatever part of his mind was still capable of logical thought, he knew this whole thing was a bad idea. If Joker hadn't pulled him along, he wouldn't have even come down here. He didn't want to watch this. But now that he really analyzed the situation, he had to. As far as Shepard was concerned, it would have been <em>more <em>out of character for him to not be there and that would have tipped her off that something was up. Spirits, he was already walking on glass, he didn't need to give her any clues. Regardless that Garrus did not want to see Thane's hands on her, he really _did _want to see her beat the crap out of him.

Shepard smiled, ever so slightly, before she threw her left fist in an obvious test jab, which Thane side stepped and blocked with his forearm. They both backed up a step and circled each other for a few short moments before she came in again, this time with a juke jab and an uppercut, which Thane deftly blocked before ducking under her arm and planting a quick elbow into her side. She winced, but didn't slow, using her own momentum as she spun around. She threw her arm horizontally at his throat, forcing him to catch it and giving her the opportunity to bring her other fist around and punch him in the stomach.

A chorus of sympathetic "oohs" and "ahs" echoed through the crowd and Garrus tried to ignore them. While he wanted to see Shepard win, he didn't want to see her get hurt in the process.

Thane smiled that annoying smile of his after taking the fist to the gut, obviously pleased with the speed of her reactions. This time he was the one to move.

Thane came in quickly, alternating fast and precise strikes to keep Shepard on the defensive. She concentrated so hard on getting her blocks in place she didn't see that he was backing her into a corner. Garrus fought the growl he felt stirring in his stomach and felt his mandibles click against his jaw in aggravation.

"Jesus, look at them go," Joker said.

"They're moving too fast, I can barely follow them," Hadley said.

Once Thane successfully backed Shepard up against the wall, her eyes widened with the realization that she was cornered. She dropped to the floor just in time to make his fist connect with the wall behind her, and used the opportunity to sweep his legs out from under him with her own. Thane fell forward, but caught himself on his hands in push-up position. When she came back around to kick him again, he sprang up from the ground, over her leg, forcing the momentum of the missed kick to spin her around. As he bounced onto the balls of his feet, he deftly lifted his knee into her stomach as she was crouched, making her stay buckled over and drop to all fours. Thane took the opportunity to come from behind her to wrap an arm around her throat and hold the back of her head with his other hand, keeping her in a head lock. She stood up against him and punched her toes into the ground, slamming him up against the wall. Then she lifted her foot as high as she could and slammed her heel into his instep. He grunted against the pain, lifting the effected foot off the ground instinctively, giving Shepard the leverage she needed to reach back and grip the back of his head and neck. She roared with the effort as she hurled her weight, making him fly over her shoulders and slam onto his back on the ground.

The force of throwing his weight made her fall onto all fours over him, panting. She had a hand on either side of his head, looking down at him on his back. He smiled as he looked up at her.

"You are deceptively good at this," Thane said between tired breaths.

"I could say the same to you," she replied with that wicked smirk of hers.

The girls in the audience squealed. Garrus exhaled a hard breath, reminding himself that it was a fight, forcing himself to keep his act together.

Thane and Shepard both tried to regain their footing. Shepard pushed up from her hands and Thane quickly rolled away and lifted himself into a crouch just in time to fire his foot into her stomach as she tried to stand. The force lifted her off the ground momentarily before she fell back onto her knees, accentuated by the pained cries of the crowd.

"Look out!" someone cried, just as Thane was spinning around to kick her again. Shepard had already seen it, however, and had thrown herself onto her back and watched his foot soar over her, right where her head had been. She used the momentum of rolling back to spring up on her hands and back onto her feet, but that was all she could do before Thane started advancing again. One right after the other his strikes came after her, Shepard was disoriented and barely able to get her blocks in place. But they got there, that's all Garrus cared about.

Thane, again, tried to back her up against the wall, anticipating her intention to duck out of it and take out his legs.

_Come on, Shepard,_ Garrus thought as his talons started to tingle with the anticipation. _He's waiting for you. Don't fall for it. _

Like she always was, Shepard was two steps ahead of him, and knew the same trick wouldn't work twice. Instead she planted the flat of her foot on the wall and used it to rocket herself forward. She wrapped her arms around Thane's waste and tackled him to the ground. The drell made a surprised sound in protest as he made contact with the floor, and before he could regain his composure she fired the heel of her hand into his jaw, making his head shoot to the side with a grunt.

Garrus smiled.

_That's my girl. _

She lifted her arm again, intending to take another shot, but Thane gripped her wrist and used the force of her strike to pull her while simultaneously lifting a knee and pushing it against her side, forcing her to roll off onto her back. He climbed on top of her and put his knees against her hips to pin her down. Shepard took the opportunity to fire her free hand into his side. It connected, but only because Thane allowed her to make contact in order to open her up as he jabbed the flat of his hand into her throat. She coughed, choking on her breath, and Thane moved his hands to her wrists, figuring it was his opportunity for victory.

Garrus felt a soft elbow in his side.

"Hey," Joker said softly. "Keep the murder sounds to a minimum."

Garrus cleared his throat, realizing he had started growling. He rolled his neck out and exhaled a slow breath and reminded himself, maybe for the hundredth time this minute, that it was only a match.

Shepard lifted her knee as fast as she could and hit Thane in the small of his back, giving her the second she needed to lift both her knees up and press them into his sides, holding him in place as she turned onto her side. He rolled off of her and got to his knees just as she was pushing herself up with her hands. He grabbed her nearest wrist with both hands and pulled her to him, making her fall forward onto her face. She used her other hand to lift herself onto her knees, just as the flat of his hand fired into her stomach. She doubled over before moving her legs out from under her and punching her heel into his chin, making him release her wrist. She got back to her feet, but he took her by a shoulder and spun her around, putting her back to him. She raised a knee to attempt to mule kick him, but he was too fast. He wrapped his arms around her waist and fell into a sitting position, pulling her with him and throwing her over his shoulder in a suplex. She fell backward with the momentum and crashed onto the mat, his positioning forcing her shoulders to take the impact.

More sympathetic moans from the crowd.

Both opponents took the opportunity to catch their breaths as they lie side by side, panting.

"Agh," Shepard said, holding her sore shoulder. "God damn it. Cheap shot."

"I am sorry," he said with a smile, rolling his head to look at her.

"No you're not,"

"As you wish."

He rolled back up to his feet and she lifted herself up onto hers, swaying a bit with her exhaustion, only then noticing that Thane's lip was bleeding.

"Oh hey," she said, pointing to her own face to illustrate. "I drew first blo-WAGH!"

Thane was advancing on her before she could finish the thought, and Garrus could tell she was exerting tremendous effort to block his strikes. They were getting more and more sloppy as she backed up, staying on the defensive. He connected a blow to the side of her face and she grunted in pain before reaching up to grab his wrist quickly, throwing her other fist into his collar bone and her knee into his abdomen. She used the second that gave her to turn sideways and plunge her foot into his chest, which quickly proved a terrible idea. Thane caught her foot with both hands against his chest and, moving on reflex, turned it in his hands. A sickening _snap _echoed through the space and the crowed groaned as if they were the ones to get hurt. Shepard cringed against the pain and Garrus could see that she knew she was in for it if she didn't think fast. Thane looked down at Shepard's foot in his hands, obviously regretting his decision. Garrus may not have liked the drell, but he knew that he had never intended to seriously hurt her.

Not like that made Garrus feel any less inclined to rip him in half, however.

In the moment Thane spared to look down at what he had done, to the moment where he looked back up at her, she had jumped and threw her free leg over her other one, sacrificing her stance to get a hit in. Her foot crashed into the side of his face so hard, the crowd could see the blood fly from his lips. Since he had been holding her other foot, she had nothing to land on and had no choice but to fall onto the ground with him.

Shepard quickly climbed onto Thane's back and screwed his arm up behind him, making him grit his teeth against the pain. He tried to push himself up with his free arm, but she firmly planted her other arm onto the back of his neck, keeping him pinned. He didn't push her off. He was either too tired, or unwilling to risk hurting her again. Either way Garrus was glad it was over.

"Very good, Siha," Thane said, panting. "I yield."

"Oh thank god," Shepard said, tiredly collapsing onto her back beside him.

The crew around Garrus erupted, some unbelieving, some exuberant. Garrus couldn't help but smile. He had known she was going to win.

Garrus lowered his arms finally and started to relax as Kenneth doled out everyone's payment.

Thane lifted himself up on his elbows and looked over at the tired Shepard. He licked his lip where it was bleeding and laughed, raising a hand to wipe the blood away. She rolled her head to the side to look at him, her wild curls fanning out under her.

"Good fight," she said with a smile. Her chest was pumping with her breath and her eyes were bright from the exercise.

"Good fight," Thane confirmed. A moment passed that Garrus thought went on a little too long before Thane pushed himself up and made his way back to his feet. He then offered a hand down to Shepard. She took it and he lifted her up to standing position.

She cried out against the pain in her ankle and fell against Thane's chest for support. She had obviously forgotten how badly he had hurt her.

"Ah, god damn it," she said, lifting the affected foot off the ground.

"I apologize," he said, taking her by the shoulders so he could look at her feet. "I had not intended to-"

"Oh shut up," she said, waving a hand. "I'll be fine, I just need to stay off of it."

She tried to use him as support and limp out of the Cargo Bay, but as soon as she tried to put any weight on it, it gave out.

"It must be broken," Thane said, bending to lift her into his arms.

"No don't," she protested. "I can make it to the Med Bay."

"Do not be stubborn," he chided, his brow furrowing like scolding parent. "I injured you, I will take you upstairs to get treated."

She rubbed her forehead and hobbled on her good foot with an angry exhale.

"Fine," she said. "Though I think you're being overly gracious, considering you lost."

Thane smiled as he lifted Shepard into his arms against his chest, simultaneously locating Garrus outside the window.

"Did I lose?" He said with that damned smirk of his. "I hadn't noticed."

If Garrus had a gun, he would have shot his way through the glass and pounded the superiority right off of Thane's stupid green face. He felt his heart speed up as his adrenaline kicked in and spent a few moments trying to figure out the quickest way to them to rip Shepard out of his arms. His logic mind told him how ridiculous he was being, secretly competing in a competition he had already lost, but that didn't stop his instincts from telling him to go after them. He was interrupted by Joker's hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, Buddy. That's a fight for another time."

Garrus exhaled and looked down at the frail human.

"When did you become so insightful, Joker?"

"Pffft, Man, I'm like… the insightfullest person you know."

"Aaaaand it's gone."

"Yeah. Insightfullest was probably a bad call."


	40. Fear

_**PLEASE READ: **_

_**Roarkshop here: I know a lot of you don't read these little blurbs of mine up here, and that's totally cool, but I do hope you'll read this one.  
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_**I have been debating for weeks and weeks now as to whether or not I wanted to include the storyline that starts in this chapter. I had it planned out since the story's inception and really really liked it, but I had this fear in the back of my mind that people were going to think that I was needlessly stretching out the story with unnecessary content. However, with the tremendous support of you, the readers, who have told me that I should keep on writing the story the way I want to write it, I have decided that I still really like it, and so it will be included. Please trust me when I say the next 4(ish) chapters all contain information, even in tiny details, that I feel is integral to Shepard's and Garrus' character. I really like these chapters, and I worked very hard on them, so I hope you all like them too.  
><strong>_

_**For those of you who don't read the blog, this marks when I start to SEVERELY mess with the timeline of one of the characters. While it meant a lot to me to stick to the canon of the character's**_** PERSONALITY, I have completely re-written the timeline of their history, so I hope you all like the change.  
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**Also: Posting the chapter a little early this week in celebration of 100 likes on facebook! WOO!  
><strong>

**Anyway, thank you all for your tremendous support these past few weeks. You all, with your support in comments, PM's, facebook messages, all of it, you are what keeps me writing this story and give me the drive to put up a chapter ever week. So thank you. I couldn't do this without all of you.  
><strong>

**As always, keep an eye on your inboxes for replies from yours truly, and have an absolutely wonderful weekend.  
><strong>

**Love and Laughter,  
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**Roarkshop  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Chakwas shook her head as she rolled Shepard's ankle back and forth, seeing where the break was.<p>

"It doesn't matter," she said. "On the ship. Off the ship. No matter where you are, you will find a way to seriously injure yourself."

"I didn't injure _myself,_" Shepard protested, pointing at the shirtless drell on the other side of the room. "_He _injured me. Why aren't you scolding _him_?"

"Because the whole ridiculous thing was your idea in the first place!"

"Fine! Christ!" Shepard shouted, throwing her hands in the air. "I'm obviously suicidal and cannot be trusted with my own extremities. Krios! Get the straight jacket! What are you doing, don't give me a fork! YOU FOOL! YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING!"

Krios put a fist in front of his mouth in an attempt to cover up his laughter with coughing.

"Enough of your dramatics, girl," the doctor scolded, fighting the smile that was threatening her lips. "It doesn't seem terribly serious. Your cybernetics are probably already knitting the break together.

"Sweet. So, what? Stay of it for a day?"

"How very optimistic of you," she said, standing. "I'll wrap it and give you something to speed the healing a bit so you can run off and get yourself injured again by the end of the week."

"Excellent," Shepard said, putting on her best evil scientist voice. "All is going according to plan."

Chakwas rolled her eyes and went to get the gauze and hypodermic needle from the cupboard.

"I am sorry for hurting you," Thane said finally, moving to her side with his arms behind his back.

"It's alright," Shepard said, waving a hand. "Ask for a fight with someone who has been killing their whole life and you don't get to be surprised when their instincts kick your ass."

"Very reasonable, but still does not excuse it."

"You know what does excuse it? Winning. HAH!"

"Is that so?" he said with a smile.

"It is. And hey," she hit him in the arm open-handed. "My shoulder feels better. Mission complete."

He laughed.

* * *

><p>Every part of Garrus was telling him to go into that Med Bay and break up whatever the hell Shepard and Krios were talking about. But he resisted, resolving himself to let Shepard have her moment and keep to himself in the Battery. He wanted Shepard to be happy, that was more important than his petty grievances. This is the promise he had made her weeks ago. He just had to ignore it.<p>

As he ticked his talons on the console absently, running through the different screens, he fought to keep the images of her out of his head; her struggling under Krios, her embarrassed smile as he picked her up to take her to the Med Bay.

It obviously wasn't working.

His thoughts were interrupted by the tell-tale soft gait of Krios coming up behind him, and Garrus turned to lean on the Battery console to acknowledge the shirtless drell.

"Vakarian," Thane said, hands behind his back.

"Krios," Garrus returned, his mandibles clicking. "Good fight," he added, making it sound as little like a compliment as he possibly could.

"I'd wager you would be saying something different had I beaten her."

"You didn't."

Krios smiled. "No I didn't. Not _this _time."

Garrus crossed his arms, the moment stretching out in front of the two men like the air between them was freezing solid.

"Siha has requested your presence," Thane finally said, pointing a thumb back over his shoulder. "I recommend you go to her."

"Thanks," Garrus said, pushing up from the Battery and heading out. "I recommend you put a shirt on," he said just as he passed the drell.

He felt Thane turn to watch him walk away, probably smiling that same victorious smirk of his.

Damn him.

Garrus ducked into the Med Bay and immediately saw Shepard sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking rather bored. Her face lit up when she saw him.

"Hey, Sparkles!"

"Hey, Bug. Good Fight," he said, actually meaning it as a compliment this time. He could feel all his irritation melting out of him at the sight of her.

"Yeah. I'm pretty awesome."

"Indeed you are. That's why you won the bout unscathed? Oh wait. I'm thinking of me again."

"Hardy-fucking-har, Lobster Lips."

He laughed.

"So who'd you bet on?" Shepard asked coyly, kicking her feet in the air.

"Shepard," Garrus said, crossing his arms and leaning into his back foot. "You should know I only gamble with my own money when I'm sure I'm going to win."

"Oh… yeah," She said with a sad laugh, looking down at her feet.

He chuckled and put his index finger under her chin to make her look at him before crossing his arms again.

"I doubled my money."

"Hah!" She cheered, punching him in the shoulder. "I knew you'd bet on me!" She raised her hand for a high-five, which he gladly returned.

"How's the ankle?" He asked. "Krios got you good."

"Doesn't matter. Won."

"Not what I asked you."

"Eh, not bad. Hurts like a motherfucker. But Doc says I should be good in a week or so."

"A week? That soon?"

"Yeah. Yay for Cyborgs, I guess. Anyway that's why I wanted you to come in. I'm benching myself for Pragia."

"Jack's thing? Why not just wait the week until you're better?"

"Because while I'm in no hurry to get everyone killed, we have to get this show on the road sooner or later. If another colony gets attacked because I was too busy dicking around I'm gonna be pissed at myself. We have to get this Reaper tool that'll take us through the Omega 4 and kick some Collector ass. So I need you to get it done."

Garrus exhaled through his nose. "So you want me to baby sit _Jack_?"

She laughed. "She's not that bad, Garrus."

"Every time she comes into the room her markings give me a headache."

"Then stop staring at them, perv."

"There isn't an inch of her you can look at _without _seeing her markings!"

"Oh grow up, will you? Besides it's an abandoned facility. You just need to plant a bomb so it will be nice and fast. What could go wrong?"

"Don't say that. Every time you say 'what could go wrong' everything explodes."

"Oh don't be a dick, that's not true."

"Uh huh. Who do you want me to bring?"

"Whoever you want," she said with a shrug. "It's your show, so whoever you think will be the most help. Just don't take Thane. He's off the table."

"Oh? Looking to have some alone time?" he said, trying to sound like he was joking.

"Hardly," she said with a snort. "He said that humid moist places speed up Kepral's syndrome. Pragia's a big humid jungle, so we should avoid that."

"Yeah yeah, like I'd want to spend any more time with him than I have to."

"Jeeze, touchy much? What's your deal? What has he done to earn such ire from you?"

Garrus exhaled through his nose.

"Besides break your ankle?"

"Fair enough."

* * *

><p>After spending most of the evening in the Med Bay, Shepard waited until the doting mother hen went to sleep before grabbing her crutch and hobbling out to the Mess Hall where some of the girls were chatting.<p>

"Hey, Commander," Kelly said, pulling out a chair for her.

"Hi ladies," she said as she plopped into the chair. "What are we talking about?"

"Sex," Gabby said with a grin.

"Ah. I see we're taking a break from your usual topics of philosophies and the meaning of life."

They laughed.

"More pointedly," Miranda said, "we're talking about the difference between having sex and 'making love'."

"What?" Shepard said, blinking the confusion off her face. "There's a difference?"

"That's what I said," Jack slammed a palm onto the table as she spoke. "It's gotta be a chick thing."

"Women," Shepard said with a sarcastic sigh.

"Come on, Shepard," Miranda said, sinking into her chair. "We all know about the demerits in your file for fraternization."

"We've gone over this before haven't we? None of those were boyfriends. They were just…What do you call it?" She said, looking to Kelly.

"Assurance of control," Chambers offered.

"Yeah," Sheppard said, snapping her fingers. "That."

"That makes you about as qualified as I am on the subject," Jack said, putting her feet up on the table. "If it isn't casual or hate sex, I haven't had it."

"Something tells me that hate sex is your specialty, Jack," Gabby offered.

"What can I say? I share my hate for people in many different ways," she said, nodding at Tali as the quarian came around the corner. "And none better than a good-old-fashioned-hate-screw."

"Erm," Tali said, stopping. "What are we talking about?"

"Construction," Shepard said.

"Sex, actually," Kelly corrected.

"Done already, Tali?" Shepard said, pulling the chair on the other side of her out.

"Yes. I feel more comfortable sleeping on the Normandy than borrowing a room from Raan. Besides, everyone is just offering condolences which does nothing but keeps me from getting over it. I could use some frivolity."

"Well we've certainly got plenty of that," Gabby said.

"I don't even know what that word means," Jack said.

"Surprise, surprise," Shepard sang.

"Eat me, Shepard."

"Erm, it means pointlessness, Jack," Tali offered.

"Well why didn't you just say that the first time, you condescending bucket!"

Shepard laughed as the girls filled Tali in on the subject matter who, for obvious reasons, also had never experienced what they were talking about.

"There. Three people who are out of your loop," Jack said. "So I'm not the freak anymore."

"I wouldn't say that," Miranda said.

"Fuck you, Cheerleader."

"You'd change your tune if you'd let someone in long enough to care about them, Jack," Kelly offered.

"Oh good," Shepard said, sinking into her chair. "Let's psychoanalyze the psycho. That'll go over great."

"I'm serious," Kelly tried.

"Yeah, yeah," Jack said, waving a hand. "I'm sure lovey-dovey mushy sex would make the tats melt right off of my scored ass. It's just not my thing. You let someone get that close, just gives them a better view of where to stick a knife."

"Amen," Sheppard said, regardless that she didn't exactly agree.

"You're hardly in the same boat, Commander," Gabby said. "Look how close you and Garrus are. Jack would never let someone in like that."

"Let's not compare Jack's and my ability to make friends. That'll just get me punched. My friendship with Garrus is only as strong as it is because we've never gotten involved that way and he's never been exposed to whatever it is about me that sends men running like they've got propulsion systems up their asses."

"Seriously though, Shep," Jack said, standing. "The way you avoid boning the men on this ship, I'm going to start thinking you're a lesbian."

"A lesbian?" Tali said, looking at Shepard. "I thought you said you were a Sagittarius."

The laughter erupted from them all as Tali looked around; trying to figure out what was so funny. One by one, they all filtered off to bed until just Tali and Shepard were left in the Mess Hall.

"So," Shepard said, sinking into her chair. "When are you going to do the nasty with Kal'Reegar? I had the ship stay docked specifically so you could get it in gear."

"What's the point?" she said, leaning her head on her fist. "We're about to head into a situation where 'everyone dies in an explosion' might be the best case scenario. What's the point in getting involved with someone just to make them mourn you?"

"You've got a point," Shepard said with a sad exhale. "You can stay, you know."

"I what?"

"Here. With the fleet. You don't have to come along if you don't want to."

"Why would you even say that to me, Jane? Of course I'm coming with you. I won't abandon you. For Kal or anyone else."

Shepard smiled. "Thanks Tali. It's good to know I won't be the only old maid in the universe."

"Ugh," Tali said, letting her helmet fall onto the table. "We are _so_ bad at this."

Shepard laughed and put an affectionate hand on Tali's helmet. "Well, I can't be good at _everything,_" she said. They sat there for a few minutes of silence, letting the sad moment hang in the air.

"Hey," Shepard said finally. "Grab those bottles of liquor. We'll go down to Engineering and get drunk."

"That's the best idea I've heard all day," Tali said, standing and heading into the kitchen. Once she grabbed the two bottles she turned back to the elevator, only then noticing that Shepard was using a crutch.

"Keelah, Jane, what happened to your foot?"

"I sparred with Thane. I also won."

"Oh. Then I'm sorry I missed it."

"He was shirtless the whole time."

"Well, now I'm _really _sorry I missed it."

Shepard laughed.

* * *

><p>"Hey Jane," Tali said drunkenly, leaning her head against the console in Engineering, sitting on the floor next to Shepard.<p>

"Yeah, Tali?"

"You know why I love being on the Normandy?"

"My huge sexy drive core?"

"No. Well yes, that too. Also because I don't have to be an adult all the time."

"You're hardly a child, Tali."

"I know but, I don't know. I don't need to be tough like on Haestrom. I can just be… childish. I have you to depend on, you make all the big decisions, you give me purpose. I don't have to act all…mature." She snapped her fingers. "Like with this trial! Had I gotten this news with my other crew I would have had to suck it up and just…get it done. But I was with you. You let me cry and feel it out on my own. I didn't have anyone looking to me."

"Well I'm glad you're comfortable enough around me that you can act childish."

"Yeah," she said, rolling her head to the side. "I wish you could be childish sometimes."

"What are you talking about," Shepard said, tossing back a swig of liquor. "I'm always childish."

"Not when it's important. Sure you act like a teenager when you're being frivolous. But when the galaxy needs you… you're always there to pick up our slack; to make us all strong."

Shepard smiled and sighed, looking down at her legs.

"I get it now," Tali continued. "Why you're so afraid."

"Hmmm?" Shepard said, rolling her head to look at the quarian.

"About Garrus."

"Ah. Yeah." Shepard said with an exhale. "It's a scary thing."

"How would someone even do that? I mean, I was his superior, Jane. He was a part of my crew, he looked up to me. How can you take that chance? How do you show someone who respects you so much that you're…. that you…"

"How vulnerable you are," Shepard finished.

"Yes," Tali said, raising a hand and letting it fall onto her leg. "Exactly that. The idea of Kal not respecting me anymore…"

"I know."

"Oh shut up, Jane. Garrus would never stop respecting you."

"Easy for _you_ to say."

"Hey, Ugly!" Tali said, doing her best Shepard impression. "Get your stupid ass to my quarters for kissing and cuddles! On the double!"

Shepard let out a loud laugh, putting her hand on her head.

"I'll add that to the list of 'shit I need to say someday'," She said.

"See that you do," Tali said. "One of us has to make a love life work somehow."

"Honestly, Tali," Shepard said, letting her eyes go out of focus. "I don't think I even know _how_ to have a love life."

"What do you mean?" Tali said before slurping more liquor through her straw.

"Think about it. What do I know about love? Nothing. Apparently sex and love are two different things. I don't even know how I'd… I mean I don't even think I could…" she let her head sink against her chest. "There are too many unknowns. Too many things I can do wrong."

"Unknowns? You talk about it like it's a mission!"

"Oh but it is! The most perilous mission of all!" Shepard shook a fist in the air. "Say you're right, and by some… magic… spirit…alternate reality thing, Garrus felt the same way about me. How do you even begin to surrender like that? How do you give someone else all the power? How could you let yourself be so… helpless?"

"It's not about power, Jane."

"Isn't it?" she said, looking at the quarian. "That's what it's always been about. I promised myself Tali. I promised myself I would never be weak and powerless again."

"Jane…"

"Ugh," Shepard scoffed, throwing her glass to the other side of Engineering and watching it shatter against the wall. "This isn't me; this sniveling, crying, _pathetic_ waste of space."

"It's okay to be girly every once in a while, you know. You can go back to taking ass and kicking names tomorrow."

"Hah!" Shepard said, raising her bottle of liquor. "Taking ass."

"Is that wrong?"

"No, Tali. No it isn't."

"If you feel this strongly about him," Tali slurred. "Don't you think it's time to stop being so afraid?"

"Do you know how many times I've said that to myself?"

"A lot?"

"A lot."

"What is it you were always saying to Kaidan? Man up, Alenko!"

"Ahg, Alenko. He very well could have been what started this whole mess," Shepard said, taking a swig from her bottle.

"Kaidan?"

"Yeah. Years ago. Years and years ago. It was just a few weeks after my promotion to X.O. Kaidan and I were on the same crew for a few months. Lots of battle-field flirting and making eyes at each other. I mean you know Kaidan, as long as he keeps his mouth shut he's fuckin' hot, right?"

"I dunno," Tali said drunkenly. "I like his voice."

"His voice isn't the problem," Jane said waving a hand. "His _brain_ is the problem."

Tali giggled.

"Anyway," Shepard continued. "We kissed a few times. Nothing major, but I was planning on adding him to my, already quite impressive, library. But he went right back to calling me 'ma'am'. That's when it hit me. This wasn't just two recruits about to go at it, he was my subordinate. He looked up to me, he trusted me. How could I possibly betray that? That's exactly what Gideon had done to _me_, you know? Ugh, I was disgusted with myself."

"I always thought," Tali said, pointing a stray finger at Shepard, "That he was much too enamored with you for nothing to have happened."

"Right?" Shepard said. "I mean we didn't see each other for, like, two years after that. Not until we were both assigned under Anderson on the Normandy and shit. Even though I treated him like every other soldier, he still kept that god…damn…hope in his face. Well, until Horizon anyway."

"Oh yeah," Tali said, snapping her fingers. "I hate Kaidan now. I almost forgot."

"You do not hate him."

"Yes I do. Garrus told me what he said to you. That…what do you always say? Dick-twat!"

"Those are two different things. You call him a dick or you call him a twat."

"Whatever," Tali said with a sigh, slurping some liquor through her straw. "Well, at least we'll always have each other, right Jane?"

"You got it Tali. We can both watch the men we care about from a distance until we die old maids."

"Assuming the Reaper's don't kill us all."

"Right, I thought that was implied."

* * *

><p>Garrus had intended to take Tali with him to Pragia that morning, but when he strolled into Engineering and found her curled up on the floor in front of the console with Shepard's N7 blanket over her and an empty bottle clutched in her arms, he about-faced and decided he'd let her sleep it off. The next obvious choices were Jacob or Grunt, and since Garrus didn't feel like baby-sitting <em>two <em>children, Jacob was who he settled with.

All things considered, the mission went relatively smooth. Sure there were a group of mercs that needed dispatching, not to mention enough teenage angst to fill the entire ozone of the planet, but it had gone much better than Garrus' 'worst-case-scenario' in which Jack killed herself and everyone around her to escape some ghosts that only lived inside her crazy, crazy head. There was the brief hiccup where Garrus had to play 'Shepard' and talk Jack out of killing some other loony fruitcake, which happily ended with no one painting a wall with brains, so he called it a win.

Shepard, who had been waiting in the shuttle (insisting on at least offering peripheral support if she couldn't go along) stuck her head out of the door with an eyebrow cocked.

"What took you fuckers so long? Did you have a god damn picnic?"

"There were bad guys," Jacob offered, climbing onto the shuttle.

"There always are," Shepard scoffed.

Shepard and Jack high-fived as they watched the facility go up in flames, though Garrus thought the biotic looked a little more contemplative than he thought she was going to.

"What's next?" Garrus asked, breaking the silence.

"Omega is the closest stop for supplies. Then we go find this Derelict Reaper and get the IFF."

"Ugh," Garrus groaned. "Omega? Do you really think that's wise?"

"Oh come on, Garrus. I can't get kidnapped twice."

"I'm a little apprehensive about the mission, Commander," Jacob offered. "What if it's another trap?"

"The Illusive Prick isn't dumb enough to play the same card twice in a row."

* * *

><p>"Garrrrussssss," Shepard whined. "Come on! Let's go!"<p>

She was able to walk without her crutch now, but still had a pretty severe limp as she tried to coax Garrus out of the Battery.

"Look at you," He said, leaning on the console. "You can barely walk."

"I can walk just barely enough, can we go please?"

He approached her and pointed a finger at her face.

"You do not leave our side on this hell-hole station. Not once or for any reason. Do you understand?"

"Ugh. Yes _dad, _I get it. Can we just go? I've been cooped up all week!"

Garrus was not happy to be going back to Omega, for pretty obvious reasons. But as they made their way through the wards with Tali, the afternoon seemed to be passing with no signs of catastrophe. As long as they all stayed together, there was no surprise they wouldn't be able to handle, right?

Wrong.

They had already gotten the majority of the supplies they needed and were heading back toward Afterlife. Shepard said she felt the need to thank Aria for her assistance with the Augustine, regardless that Garrus said her information was practically useless and they would have figured it out eventually.

"It's not about that," Shepard said. "She didn't have to help you, but she did. She didn't have to keep the fact that you're alive under wraps, but she did. People as powerful as Aria are good to keep on your side."

"Whatever," Garrus said, eyeing an old human who was staring, very intently, at Shepard.

She didn't notice him, which seemed to only be entertaining to the merc, clad all in yellow. So he spoke up.

"Well," he said. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

Shepard stopped dead in her tracks. Garrus heard her heart start pounding like an engine turbine. She turned around to see where the voice came from, and her eyes widened when she seemed to recognize him.

"Z?" she said.

"Hello, Red."

She approached him, slowly, still favoring her wounded foot. Garrus and Tali shared a worried glance as they tried to figure out what was going on. Shepard stopped just in front of the man, looking up at him like she couldn't believe he was there.

"They…they told me you were dead." Garrus barely heard her she said it so softly.

"Funny," the human said. "They told me the same thing about you recently."

"I knew," Shepard said with a smile, tears forming in her eyes. "I knew you weren't dead. I knew those fuckers in the Suns couldn't take you down."

"I wish I could say the same, Red." He reached a hand up and brushed the back of his hand down the side of her face. "I went to your funeral, you know. Damn near killed Anderson for letting you die."

Shepard threw her arms around the old mercenary's neck and the man laughed as he wrapped her in his arms, lifting her up off the ground. After he set her down, she turned to her crew and held her hand out to Garrus.

"Garrus," She said, waiting for him to put his hand in hers, which he did. "This is Zaeed Massani. Z, this is Garrus Vakarian. He's one of the crew who-"

"Helped you take down Saren, I remember," he said, shaking Garrus' hand. "Good to meet you, Vakarian."

"You wouldn't be the same Zaeed Massani that started the Blue Sun's with Vito Santiago, are you?"

The human's grip tightened around Garrus' hand, but the man's face didn't drop his easy smile.

"That's not exactly public record," Zaeed said.

"Garrus wasn't exactly your average cop," Shepard said with a smile, pushing the men apart. "Z, this is Tali'Zorah vas Normandy."

"I uh… Nice to meet you," Tali said nervously.

Zaeed shook her hand. "Pleasure's all mine."

"I can't believe you're alive," Shepard said, clapping her hands together. "Jesus what has it been? Ten years? Look at your ugly mug! They really did get you good."

"Somethin' like that," he said with a grin. "What about you? Workin' for Cerberus now I hear?"

"Eh, it's a long story."

"I'll bet."

"So," Tali said, running her hands over each other. "How do you two know each other?"

"Z pulled me off of the street," Shepard said, looking up at the merc.

"Yeah, I found her when she was just a dirty street rat, running amok through the sewers in boots too goddamn big for her." Zaeed put an affectionate hand on the top of Shepard's head and tousled her hair. The smile that lit her face made Garrus feel like he'd gotten kicked in the stomach. "Crazy little bitch tried to rob me, didn't ya?"

"More like I successfully robbed you, Old Man."

Zaeed laughed. "That you did, love. That you did."

* * *

><p><em><strong>(In case you didn't figure it out, Zaeed is the character with whom I have taken liberties with their timeline. More about that next week! Hope you liked it! ^_^)<strong>_


	41. Stories

_**Roarkshop Here: I try not to be a "If you don't like it I don't care" kind of author. I read everyone's comments and take them all into consideration as best I can. That being said, I'm going to have to use it this one time. Yes, this whole chapter is a flash back, no I don't care if you don't like flashbacks. I worked very hard on this chapter and I am really, genuinely proud of it to the point where even I enjoy reading it still. So if you do not like flashbacks, I am sorry and I promise the next chapter will not be a flashback. Feel free to skip this chapter if you want. Otherwise, I do hope beyond hope that you like this chapter! ^_^**  
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_**I had a super busy week so I didn't get to reply to everyone's comments like I usually do and I apologize for that. I will try my damndest to reply to them all this week. LOVE YOU GUYS! And Have a safe and wonderful week!  
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_**LOVELOVELOVEY LOVE LOVE  
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_**Roarkshop  
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><p><em>Goddamn batarians, <em>Zaeed thought, walking down a cold, snow covered street of New York City. The Alliance wasn't going to do a god damn thing about the terrorists inching closer and closer to their colonies and Zaeed knew it. Anderson knew it. They all knew it. He had tried to tell them that diplomacy only works if all parties were playing by the same rules, and the batarians certainly weren't. Politics and bullshit; Zaeed had enough of both for a lifetime, and goddamn if he wasn't going to let them know it. His leave was up in two days, and the Alliance weren't going to get any _smarter_, that was fucking certain.

He walked and walked, getting rather lost in thought as he went. He was snapped out of his thoughts when he accidentally shoulder-checked a small girl who made a surprised 'umf' noise and stumbled down onto her knees. She had a hood on so he didn't get a good look at her, but her jacket was dirty and full of holes, and he could tell she was most likely a street urchin.

"Eh, sorry 'bout that darlin'" he said as he held out a hand to help her up, but she stood and just ran past him, without even looking in his direction. He watched her round the corner at a full sprint, and scratched the back of his head curiously. "Daffy twat," he said to himself, before realizing he felt a little light. He quickly patted his pockets and found the familiar lump of his wallet was gone. "Why, that little _bitch_," he cursed before taking off after her.

He could hear the crunch of the snow under his boots as he ran, dodging civilians, and turned into the alleyway. She must have already disappeared out the other side because it was empty. Cursing to himself again, he burst out the other side of the alley and onto the street, but there was no sign of her. Hell, she could have been right under his goddamn nose for all he knew, just blending into the crowd right in plain fucking sight.

"Goddamn shit fuck," he cursed, kicking the snow and earning himself a few concerned looks from the passers by. "Hell of a way to end a day."

He jammed his hands into his coat pockets and walked down the sidewalk for a while, letting his eyes scan over the faces of whoever he passed as if she was going to magically appear out of nowhere. He knew damn well he wasn't going to find her again, damn street goblins and their bullshit. Zaeed didn't care about the money, really. But all of his IDs were in there and that meant wasting an entire shit-fuck day at the Alliance shit-fuck office in New York applying for a new one. Shitty fucking fuck.

He checked his watch. The banks would be closing right about now so he didn't even have the time to go get some cash for dinner.

"Oi. Zayed," came a small voice from behind him. He cringed internally at the familiar sound of someone mispronouncing his name, and turned around to see the girl who had robbed him, standing defiantly with her hands in her pockets. She gave him an appraising eye, scanning him from his eyes, down to his toes, and back up. He almost froze now that he had a good look at her face. It was smudged with dirt and soot and a lone lock of flame colored hair fell down in a loose curl. The gaunt in her face made it obvious that it had been a long while since she'd had a decent meal. She had fierce green eyes and bright as they were, there was a darkness in them; A darkness Zaeed knew all too well.

Though that wasn't any excuse to be a cunt, now was it?

"Now listen to me you little-" he tried to threaten. But she interrupted him by tossing his wallet into his chest, which he caught clumsily.

"Take it," she said with a scoff as she turned to leave.

He narrowed his eyes and quickly went through it. All his money, ID's, and credit chits were accounted for.

"What the Christ?" he said, looking back to the girl. "What was the point of all that?"

She turned to look at him over her shoulder, her cold gaze meeting his. She motioned her head at the wallet. "Military ID. You're a soldier."

"And?"

"And I don't steal from soldiers." As if that justified everything, she turned away and headed back down the street in the other direction.

That was the first time in damn near twenty years Zaeed had been stunned into silence by a woman. Before he even knew what he was going to say, he took the few steps to close the distance between them and turned her around by her shoulder. She immediately flinched, jumping from his touch and batting his hand away like she instinctively thought he was going to hit her.

"What?" she demanded, fixing her furious gaze on him.

"Listen, Red," he said. "You are obviously too good a person for your own goddamn survival and you look like a goddamn wraith. Come on, I'll buy you something to eat. You know, for returning my wallet or whatever."

"You fucking stupid, Old Man?" she said, narrowing her eyes at him. "I'm the one that _stole_ your wallet."

"Hey. You want a goddamn sandwich or not?"

The girl unconsciously put her hands on her stomach and looked down at the floor. Zaeed noticed that her boots were about 5 sizes too big, and for men. She was covered in soot smudges and reeked of cigarettes. She looked off to the side and the shame in her face was obvious.

"Well I'm goin' to my favorite restaurant and I'm gonna buy two dinners. Hopefully someone shows up to eat the second one." With that, he turned around and walked away. He moved his head slightly to the side and heard that she had started following him. He exhaled and watched the steam of his breath leave him and shook his head.

_Kids these days, _he said to himself.

The girl didn't speak two words together. She wouldn't even talk to Peter, the owner, when he asked her what she wanted, she just kept her eyes on the floor the whole time. Zaeed ordered two of his usual: a double pastrami on rye with horseradish and a side of chips.

"Maybe put the horseradish on the side for one of 'em, ay?"

"You got it, Zaeed," Peter said from behind the counter, eyeing the girl. Once they found a table he set the second sandwich, rather ungracefully, in front of her and took the seat on the other side of the booth. He took a bite of his sandwich and temporarily forgot that the girl was even there. He couldn't say much about this bullshit city, but goddamn did Peter make a good sandwich. After his second bite he looked up, mouth full, and noticed that she hadn't touched her food.

"What?" he said through his food. "You a goddamn vegetarian pussy or summin'?"

"Fuck you, man," she said, glaring at him. "Why are you doing this?"

Holding his sandwich, he flipped his hand over frustrated. "What are-"

"This," she said motioning a hand at her food. "Why are you being nice to me?"

"I don't need a reason, you nutty twat."

She narrowed her eyes at him and spoke; sternly and plainly.

"You want to _fuck me,_ Old Man?"

Stunned. Again.

He just blinked at her for several moments with his mouth full of food. His peripheral vision was picking up all the people around him turning to stare at the girl, but she didn't notice. She just continued to keep her cold green eyes on his, calculating, unwavering, unafraid.

"Are you daft?" he asked finally, swallowing half the food in his mouth. "How old are you? Fifteen?"

"Answer the fucking question."

"Why in the bleedin' hell would I-"

"I won't be anyone's tool, you hear me? I won't be bribed into being _used._"

"Would you quit your yammering for five goddamn minutes and eat the bleedin' sandwich? Christ."

Her eyes widened a bit but eventually fell back on the food in front of her, obviously having made a tremendous effort not to eat it until this point. She lifted her hands and took down her hood, letting the loose ringlets of copper curls fall down her shoulders.

Christ, she was a beautiful kid. What was she doing on the goddamn street? What the hell kind of life had she had up to this point? What put her here?

Whatever. It wasn't Zaeed's business. He kept telling himself he didn't care.

She ate like it had been months, barely tasted the food as she rifled it down her gullet. She didn't speak again either, thank god. Instead, uncomfortable with the silence, Zaeed spoke as he ate. He prattled on about his last mission, about all the batarians he killed, all the other lives he saved. Alright, he embellished a little bit, but that didn't make it any less fucking impressive right? Red certainly seemed to be enjoying the story.

"The job got done and that's all that mattered," he said. "I was the only one to make it out alive, but a win is a win is a win."

The girl smiled, having polished off the last of her food and listening intently to his story. Her whole face lit up when she smiled. This girl was going to be trouble for someone one day.

"So, Red," he said picking up a stray chip and putting it in his mouth before pushing the rest of them across the table to her. "Why's a pretty thing like you reduced to picking pockets and running through the gutter?"

She shrugged her shoulders and sank down against the booth, picking up individual chips and eating them. "Never had anything you could call a home. And the only person I ever considered family was… well she…" She cleared her throat and shook her head to try and erase the memory. "Anyway, I just keep to myself. I can only worry about right now, you know? I'll worry about getting away some other time I guess."

"Get away," he said, quirking an eyebrow. "Get away from what?"

"All of it," she said, looking off to the side.

"I know the feelin'" he said with a chuckle. "That's why I joined up with the Alliance all those years back. Figured they'd get me out of the hell hole I was in, if nothing else."

She scoffed. "The Alliance would never take trash like me," she said.

"You've got working limbs, haven't ya?"

"What about it?"

"Well that seems to be the minimum goddamn requirement now-a-days."

"Really?" she said, sitting up. "You think they'd let me in?"

He rubbed his chin and studied her for a minute, studied the hope in her face.

"Tell you what, if you really want in I can get you there." He propped his elbow up on the table and pointed at her. "But I won't put my neck on the line for some spitfire what aint got the conviction to see it through to the end, you got that?"

She nodded and chewed on her bottom lip.

"Think about it," he said as he stood to leave.

She stood and tucked her hair back up under her hood and grabbed the rest of the potatoes, stuffing them into her coat pocket. Then she turned and followed him out, goading him into telling her another story. He obliged, animating his hands as he spoke, walking side by side with her down the snow covered street.

"Pow," he said, making his hands into a gun. "Cacked him right between the eyes. The four-eyed pillock didn't even see it coming."

Every time they walked under a street light, it would light up her face as she looked up at him, watched him, almost studied him. He turned to walk up the stairs into his hotel, and looked back to see her looking at him from the sidewalk as the doorman held the door open for him.

"Well?" he said, waiting for her.

"Well what?"

"What, are you planning to sleep in the goddamn blizzard like a snowshoe? Come on." He started to turn around but stopped short and looked back at her again. "And don't get any of those stupid ideas about me and my taste in women. There will be no bullshit, understood?"

She quirked a brow and tilted her head to the side, then cautiously followed him up the steps. The doorman went to say something to him, but Zaeed put his hand up before he had the opportunity.

"Keep it to yourself would ya, Jackass?"

They silently went into his hotel room, and she half gasped when she saw how big it was.

"Does the Alliance pay this well?" she said, looking around.

"No," was all he said in reply, going into the bedroom. He emptied out his pockets on the side table and sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. After a couple deep breaths he grabbed a blanket and went back out into the main room. She was still standing by the door, making sure to keep her eyes on it like she was waiting to have to make a break for it.

"It's so warm in here," she said. Zaeed suspected she was just trying to break the silence.

"Figure that out on your on did ya?" he said with the quirk of a brow. "That's what happens when you don't sleep with the bloody vermin."

"Screw you, man," she said, biting down a smile. He laughed and tossed her the blanket, which she caught against her chest.

"Couch is all yours," he said, pointing over to it. "There's a shower through there if you're interested, and there's a lock on the door in case you still think I'm some kind of bleedin' pedophile. I'll be in here. Don't wake me up unless the building's on fire."

Then he left her, closing the bedroom door behind him and leaning against it with his face in his hand. He'd certainly gotten himself into a mess hadn't he? But Christ, what was he supposed to do? She was just a child, for fucks sake, fighting for survival in the goddamn street like a dog. Whatever the case, he felt for her. Maybe it was those bright eyes, tainted by the twinge of darkness, or maybe he just saw too much of himself in her.

"Ah, fuck it," he said to himself, taking off his boots and plopping himself into bed. It was a little too complicated for him, so he just went to fucking sleep. That was something he was fully capable of doing.

Not with an orphan on the god damn couch, apparently.

Zaeed woke up a few hours later to the sounds of… well for lack of a better word for it, whimpering. He rarely slept through anything anymore. The slightest noises would put a gun in his hand before he had even managed to reach full consciousness. So there he was, in the clothes he had fallen asleep in, with a gun in one hand that he didn't even remember grabbing. As his consciousness very rudely forced itself back into his brain he could hear the soft sounds coming from the other room.

He opened his bedroom door and leaned in the doorway. He could see the girl across the room, kicking her feet on the couch. Her head twitched back and forth while she murmured in her sleep.

_What the fuck, _he said to himself. He hadn't signed up for this. He was just trying to help her he didn't want to be her goddamn _dad_. He contemplated waking her up but before he could even leave the doorway she startled awake and sat up, panting. There was an obvious moment of confusion as she looked around and tried to determine where she was before she put a hand over her face and tried to compose herself, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"What's all this then?" he said, by way of comforting her. Well at least that had been his intention. She jumped when she heard his voice and focused on him across the room. Even in the darkness he could see her bright emerald eyes from the light through the window. She quickly scrambled to her feet and ran for the door.

"I'm sorry," she said hurriedly. "I mean thank you. I- I'm sorry."

"Hang on a minute," he said just as she slammed the door behind her. Zaeed went to the door and looked out of it down the hallway, but she had already disappeared. He wasn't about to chase her all around the bloody city in the middle of a goddamn blizzard. He shut and locked the door and proceeded back to his bedroom. He turned to sit at the edge of the bed and wrapped a hand around the back of his head with a sigh.

"Why did I even bother," he said. He kicked himself for another hour or so, disturbed by how many times he found himself looking out the window at the snow dancing by, wondering how she was going to stay warm. He didn't even know this girl, for all he knew she was a vicious murderer looking for an easy target to get her away from the city. Zaeed had never considered himself an easy target, nor had he ever fallen prey to the wiles of a beautiful woman when he didn't have schemes of his own up his sleeve but...

He sighed and got out of his clothes before crashing back onto his bed. He spent the majority of the night staring up at the ceiling, wondering why he had gone through so much trouble for the ungrateful little shit.

* * *

><p><strong>Bam bam bam bam. <strong>

One of Zaeed's eyes popped open, fury filling him almost instantly.

"What now," he cursed to himself, sitting up with his gun in his hand.

**Bam bam bam bam. **

"I swear to Christ," he said, rubbing a hand down his face. "If it's the fucking manager again I'm going to shoot off his goolies." He stood tiredly, glancing out the window quickly and taking note of how early in the morning it was. He located his pants and jumped into them without releasing his gun, and made his way to the front door.

**Bam bam bam bam. **

"Alright!" he shouted. "I'm coming you bleedin' sod, just hang on a minute."

He opened the door and leaned the hand with the gun in it on the frame, but froze when he saw the tiny red head staring up at him. He noticed her looking him up and down again, appraising him as he stood there, shirtless, in the doorway.

With a gun.

She traced her eyes down his arms, making note of his numerous tattoos before fixing her bright green eyes on his dark green ones again. Gun or no, she wasn't afraid of him.

"Did you mean what you said?" She asked, undeterred. "About getting me into the Alliance?"

He exhaled and shifted his weight, scratching the back of his head with the barrel of his gun. He weighed her with his eyes again. She obviously wasn't much. She couldn't have weighed more than 40 kilo's soaking wet with a cinderblock on her head. What good would a wiry thing like her do in a goddamn shoot out?

Still. There was a fire about her. She had spirit, if nothing else. And spirit was damn important. You could teach someone to shoot a gun, you could teach them to kill with their bare hands. You can't teach someone to have fight in them. You can't teach someone to burn for it.

"And what if I did?" he said, tilting his head to the side.

"I'll do what I have to," she said turning her hands into fists. "I'll learn whatever they need me to learn and I won't give up even if it kills me. I want to fight. I want to protect the people who can't protect themselves. I want…" She looked down at the floor and cleared her throat before looking back up at him. "I want to never, ever, be weak again."

Zaeed turned around and walked away, leaving the door open for her to follow him.

"Well if you want to live long enough to enlist, don't fucking wake me up again until the sun's in the middle of the goddamn sky, you got it?"

* * *

><p>Anderson sat at his desk, in his full dress blues, as Zaeed detailed how he had met the young tattered red-head sitting outside the window.<p>

"It's not like you to take in strays, Zaeed."

"You're tellin' me," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"What's her story? Why is she on the street?"

"Couldn't tell ya," Zaeed said, crossing his legs as he sat back in the chair. "She won't talk to me about it. Don't even know her name, now that I think about it. I've been calling her Red and she's been answering to it so…" he shrugged as if that finished the sentence for him.

"Still, I don't think I can help you here. Recruiting for the year is already done. The training camp starts in two weeks for god sakes. I don't think I could get her in even if I wanted to. I mean look at her. She almost doesn't exist she's so skinny. She hardly looks like Alliance material, and she _certainly_ doesn't look like someone you'd stick your neck out for."

"Trust me, Andy," Zaeed said, shifting in his chair. "You _want _this girl. Just talk to her for five minutes. You'll see what I mean."

Anderson exhaled and took his hat off to rub the top of his head.

"If you want to get her in so bad why haven't you just gone to Hackett? You _know_ he can help you."

"That's the _last _thing I want to do. If he finds out I want her in, he'll turn her down just on those grounds alone."

"That isn't true, Zaeed. Have a little faith. He's your brother."

"_Half _brother," Zaeed corrected.

"And why exactly does she _have _to be in _now_? She can just wait for the next half year to be up and start with that round of recruits."

"Look at her, Anderson. She's been living on the goddamn streets. You want to make her wait six months?"

Anderson sighed, and Zaeed could tell he was getting through.

"You owe me," Zaeed said finally.

The Captain's eyes darted up, almost scowling.

"Now?" Anderson said. "You're going to use that _now_?"

"So what if I am?" Zaeed stood and leaned both his hands on Anderson's desk, looming over him. "You asked me to do what I do best, and that's work outside the lines. I went in and I killed a _lot _of people to get Sanders off of that moon."

"You don't think I know that?" Anderson stood and rubbed the back of his neck. "God damn it, fine." He exhaled a frustrated breath and headed for the door.

Once the door opened, and the two men stepped out, the girl hurriedly got to her feet and stood as straight as she could. Anderson tilted his head to the side as he observed her. The size of her boots, the way her jacket's sleeves came down past her hands, the loose strands of bright copper peeking out from under the tattered hood. He put his hands behind his back and approached her, and both men saw how she shied away and looked at the floor when he got close.

"Red, this is Captain David Anderson," Zaeed said, motioning a hand at him.

"Oh uh. Nice to meet you."

Zaeed coughed.

"Uh, sir!" she added.

"What's your name, child?" Anderson asked.

"Jane, sir," she said.

"Jane what?"

"Doe."

Anderson turned to look at Zaeed over his shoulder, and Zaeed exhaled in acknowledgement of the sadness in the Captain's eyes as they realized she didn't have a name.

He cleared his throat and turned back to the girl.

"And how old are you, Jane?"

Her eyes darted to Zaeed, then back to Anderson. "Eighteen, sir."

He cocked an unbelieving eyebrow. "How old are you _really?_"

She cleared her throat. "I uh, I don't know."

"You don't have a birth certificate?"

She winced as the shame filled her face. "No, sir. The orphanage just found me one day."

"He tells me you don't have anywhere to go, that you're living on the street," Anderson said, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at Zaeed. "Why aren't you living in the orphanage?"

She cleared her throat again and folded her hands over each other. "There just…wasn't enough room for all the kids. I was the oldest so…" She shook her head and looked off to the side.

"Why do you want to join the Alliance, Jane?" Anderson asked. "Is it just for the free meals and shelter? Because that isn't exac-"

"No!" She said, looking up at him. "I don't care about any of that."

"Then why don't you tell me?"

"Um... I..." She sighed and rubbed the back of her head nervously. "I told you this was a bad idea, Old Man."

"Don't be a chicken shit," Zaeed said, going to stand beside Anderson with his arms crossed. "I told you that you had to see this through to the end didn't I?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts, Spitfire. Just tell the Captain what you told me."

"I just," She looked down at her feet and furrowed her brow, trying to muster up her determination. "I'm tired of having to watch people die just because I wasn't strong enough to protect them. I never want to see it again." She looked back up at the men and the rage in her small face made both of them pause. "And I never want to be weak or powerless ever again. I want to fight, sir. I want to be strong so I can help all the people who can't help themselves. I'm a quick learner. If you can just give me this chance I promise that I will give it all I've got and I'll never give up, even if it kills me!" She cleared her throat when she realized she was half-shouting and squeezing her hands into fists. She looked up at Zaeed before dropping her hands back down to her sides and looking back down at her feet to hide the embarrassment.

Anderson looked over at Zaeed, exhaling through his nose. Zaeed shrugged in an 'I told you so' kind of way before they both turned back to the girl.

"I have to get to the conference," Anderson said, heading out of the office. "Have her fill out the forms and leave them on my desk. I'll get her in."

"What?" She said, looking up. "Really?"

"Yes. Really," he said before turning around to look at her. "But don't make me regret this, Jane Doe. I don't put my name on the line for just anyone."

With eyes wide and a goofy smile that lit up her whole face, she clapped her hands together. "Yes sir," she said. "I mean… no sir! I won't let you down! Thank you!"

Anderson looked at her, then back to Zaeed, then nodded at the girl and left.

"Didn't I tell ya?" Zaeed said, pushing her in the shoulder.

She looked down at the floor like she was searching for something that made her understand her sudden change of fortune.

"I don't… I don't know how I can thank you," she said, turning to him finally.

"You can thank me by kicking ass," he said. He bent down so he was eye level with her and gripped her by the shoulders. "Listen to me, Red. Most people take somewhere between a year and eighteen months to get out of training. You need to be faster than that, do you understand? Your lack of history means that you are going to have to _prove _yourself every step of the way. Not a goddamn thing is going to be handed to you. You will have to earn it all on your own, and you are going to have to lick every inch of the ladder on the way up. If you're going to do this, you need to be the best."

"I understand," She said, nodding at him. "I'll do whatever it takes, I promise."

"Good girl," he said, standing. "We need to fill out those forms, so you'd best start thinking of a new last name."

"Shepard," she said, without even thinking.

He tilted his head to the side, observing how she seemed to already have that answer cocked and ready to fire. He wasn't about to push the envelope and make her explain, so he just took it for what it was.

"Alliance Lieutenant Jane Shepard." He laughed and tousled her hair with a hand. "I like it."


	42. Insubordination

**_Authors note at the bottom this time. ENJOY!_**

* * *

><p>"Then she says, 'you're my hero Mr. Massani'," Zaeed teased, putting on his best women's tone.<p>

"Oh you are so full of shit," Shepard said with a grin, slamming her tea on the Mess Hall table. "That's not what I said."

"That's how I remember it."

"Yeah well your memory got fucked up with your _face_."

"Harsh, Red."

Garrus, accompanied by several others in the crew, laughed along as Zaeed told more stories of his past with Shepard. Her days in training, how she had kicked ass and finished the boot camp in eight months, how he had taken credit for The Blitz and the defeat of Saren, claiming that since he discovered her all her successes were technically his.

Garrus found himself oddly conflicted. On the one hand: this new person to emerge from Shepard's past had shown him just what it was like to be the third wheel when _he _and Shepard would go on with each other, ignoring any and all other members of the crew who might have been with them. It was an odd feeling of insecurity for him. Sure it was tough to watch her always flirting with Thane, but as annoying as it was he never felt like his position as her _oldest friend_ was ever threatened.

Suddenly here is this figure from her past, almost like a long lost family member, emerging and receiving unrivaled affection. He felt like his ability to say 'no one knew her like he did' was shaky at best now. This human knew her as a kid, presumably after she had killed Carmine. He knew about her gory history, he had set her on her life path, and she had respected him as a superior officer. Spirits, it was like the story of Shepard and Garrus meeting, but with an old mercenary playing the part of the trust worthy superior earning the loyalty of the pissed off newbie. His mind boggled at the very concept.

Even with all of that aside, Shepard and Zaeed were so alike they may as well have been father and daughter. They told the same jokes, used the same words, and even had a lot of the same mannerisms. It was unnerving.

Garrus sighed. On the other hand: this was the happiest he had ever seen her, and he wasn't about to mess that up. Not for anything.

"You should totally come with us!" Shepard said. "We have to get something off this old abandoned Reaper so we can go through the Omega 4."

"I see you're just as goddamn loony as ever. No one's come back from going through the Omega 4."

"You, more than anyone, should know better than to tell me that."

He laughed through his nose as he looked at her. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I suppose I do."

There was an awkward silence before Zaeed spoke again.

"Where in the hell am I supposed to sleep on this giant thing? Down with the trash compactor?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Z. I have a couch upstairs."

"A couch huh? I suppose the tables have finally turned, Kiddo."

"Come on!" She pleaded, almost like a teenager would. "There's bound to be a bunch of things we need to kill, there always are. We can tear shit up together again. It'll be just like old times!"

Garrus took that opportunity to stand up: putting in sufficient effort to not look bothered.

"If we're going to take on that Reaper tomorrow," he said. "I'm going to go ahead and turn in."

"Oh, yeah okay, Garrus. Rest up. Big day tomorrow."

"You got it, Shepard."

Garrus locked gazes briefly with Zaeed, but broke the eye contact immediately before making his way into the Battery.

"Come on," Shepard said standing. "We'll go upstairs."

"Huh?"

She motioned her head to Garrus as he walked away. "He can hear us from in there and he won't be able to sleep."

"Still too considerate for your own good I see."

"We can't all be selfish assholes like you. Come on."

* * *

><p>"So where have you been?" Shepard asked as she stepped off the elevator and headed into her quarters.<p>

"Jesus Christ!" Zaeed said, stepping into the Loft. "Nice Digs."

"I know. It's a god damn disgrace."

"Disgrace my ass, Red. This is like heaven."

"Maybe that's why I'm so uncomfortable here." She turned and sat at the edge of her bed with an exhale as he leaned his shoulder on the pillar at the top of the stairs. "You didn't answer my question."

"Well, after my little," he moved his head back and forth looking for words. "_Misunderstanding_ with Vito, I went into a coma for the better part of a year as some quack on Illium tried to piece my face back together."

"Looks like he used a fucking hammer."

"Hilarious," Zaeed said with a smile. "Anyway, once I came to, I found out I was declared dead. Decided to keep it that way."

"You said you were in contact with Anderson. Why him and not me? I didn't take you leaving the Alliance to play merc very well, if you'll recall. I took your death even worse."

"I know, I know, but you were all grown up by the time I caught up with you. You were on some General's crew and were climbing the ranks like a bullet. What would reminding you I was around have done but interrupted your successes? Plus I had a score with Vito that needed settling. That took precedence as I recall."

"So why find me now? What changed?"

He exhaled and looked down at his feet before turning to look back at her.

"You died, Jane. That's what changed." He made his way down the stairs and plopped himself across from her on the couch. "I was on Zorya when I got the call, chasing down Vito on some refinery he had taken control of. I was waiting for some friends of mine to show up when I got a message from Anderson, telling me you had gone down with the goddamn ship, trying to save everyone like the mad altruist you've always been." He exhaled and put his head in his hand. "I killed a lot of people trying to make the anger go away."

"Did it?"

"No."

"And Vito?"

"Vito, uh," he cleared his throat. "He got away from me toward the end. Still haven't found him again, but to tell you the truth I'm tired of chasing him. I chased him for damn near seven years or so. It was all I did, all I thought about; I saw him every time I closed my eyes. Then you died an'…well… it just didn't seem so important anymore."

"Aw, Z, I didn't know you cared."

"Bite me you batty guttersnipe."

She laughed and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Alright so how did you find me then?"

"The Reds."

"What? Really?"

"Yeah. I was apparently on Omega at the same time as you and there were rumors floating around that you had made a triumphant return somewhere. I heard a lot of chatter through the channels that the Reds were operating in the traverse and lead by none other than Gideon Torren, that disgusting tosser. I knew that couldn't be a coincidence, them larking about Omega the same month I hear you've come back from the dead. I looked into it, followed some leads, and eventually pulled a favor from Aria who told me that they had taken you captive on the Augustine and none other than Archangel was on the case."

"Archangel hmmm?" She said coyly. "Never heard of him."

"Don't play dumb with me. I may not have put it together until you introduced me to him, but I know that's him downstairs. Anyway, according to Aria, he was damn near foaming at the mouth to get you back. Stormed Afterlife and demanded your whereabouts."

Shepard smiled and looked off the side. "Foaming at the mouth, huh?"

"I tried to go after you, you know," he said. "If Gideon had you in his grimy clutches again I was going to make damn well sure it wasn't for long. But by the time I started to make a plan, a few of my boys said that the ship had exploded."

"That was all Garrus, you know."

"Was it now?"

"Yeah." She kicked her feet and let out a sigh. "He didn't sleep until he found me. I was in pretty bad shape when he got there. Once I was safe he wouldn't leave until Gideon was dead."

"Sounds like my kind of guy."

"Mine too," she said with a smile.

Zaeed's eyes narrowed and a smile crept across his face as he clicked his tongue in his mouth. "You know," he said. "The bounty for Archangel is still open. A lot of people want him dead pretty badly and there's _good _money to be made in turning him over."

"Forget it," Shepard snapped. "As far as you're concerned Archangel _is _dead, you got it?"

He laughed. "Sweet on the turian are ya? Color me surprised, Red."

She blushed and furrowed her brow, realizing she'd been played.

"Christ it's like you never left, still giving me shit about everything."

"What's he doing sleeping in the goddamn Battery when your bed is the size of a small island?"

"I'm sweet on _him _Z, not the other way around."

"Ah."

"Yeah. Ah."

"Well, look at you," he continued. "Just as pretty as the day I met you. I don't think he'd turn you down or anything."

"You're probably right, on a physical level of some kind. But that's not what I want, you know? Garrus is, well, he's different. He's the best friend I've got, the closest thing to family I've ever had, knows me better than even _you_ thanks to you turning your back on the Alliance and eventually getting yourself dead."

"Don't be ugly about it," Zaeed teased.

She smiled before looking back down at her knees. "I don't know, Z. You remember how I was back then; never with the same man twice, going through them like tissue paper. Christ you were one of the _only _men in my life back then I didn't sleep with. It only got worse after you abandoned the Alliance to go chase the merc dream. It got worse _again _after you died. I don't want to have to see him walk away like the rest of them. I don't think I could handle it."

Zaeed reached across the space and took her hands in his.

"He's not me, Jane."

Shepard swallowed down her nerves, but said nothing, so Zaeed continued.

"Since you were a little girl, even though you were always surrounded by people, you were still all alone. Even with me you were just waiting for the clock to run out. That's why you turned down those promotions while you served under me, right? If you left, you knew it was only a matter of time before I left."

"And you left anyway."

"I was holding you back, Jane, and you know it. I planned on leaving for a long time, and when I found out that you were offered a promotion three times and turned it down, I knew it was so you could stay on with me."

"So? What's wrong with loyalty?"

"I'm not saying anything is wrong with it, but look at you. Look at all you've accomplished since then. You're the big goddamn hero I always knew you were going to be."

"What's your point, Old Man?"

"Would you shut that trap of yours for five goddamn minutes? Christ you're aggravating. My point is that…" He exhaled and looked down at his hands before giving hers a squeeze. "Red, if the spiky sniper makes you feel like you're not alone anymore, then you need to grab onto it with both hands."

"Isn't that what I'm doing? If I fess up and we have to have that 'thanks but not thanks' conversation, our friendship is over."

"Jesus Christ, who are you? You're Commander Goddamn Shepard. Get your head out of your ass and stop being such a pussy. If you're afraid of a little _rejection _than we're all fucked."

She laughed, genuinely.

"I just," She sighed and looked up at him. "I don't want to mess up the only thing I'm managing to do right."

"Only thing you've done right my wrinkly balls! Between Saren and The Blitz you've done more with your life than I ever could."

"Yeah alright, maybe you win in the 'making my own life a mess' department."

"Oh good," he said sitting back on the couch. "You're still an intolerable bitch. And here I was starting to worry Cerberus removed that part of your brain."

* * *

><p>"Trapped on a Reaper?" Garrus said. "And I thought this was going to be easy."<p>

"Yeah. Great," Shepard replied, resting her shotgun on her shoulder.

"Not just trapped," Joker said over their comms. "The barriers are the only thing maintaining the Reaper's altitude."

"So let me get this straight," Zaeed said. "The giant alive ship monster thing put up barriers trapping us in here, but that's also the only thing keeping the goddamn thing from diving into the planet core?"

"Yeah," Shepard continued. "So when we shut the barriers down…"

"Everyone dies, yeah I got it," Joker scoffed.

"I'm not worried," Shepard said giving Garrus a smile. "Garrus, are you worried?"

"Why would I be worried, Shepard, when we have Joker?"

"See buddy? We believe in you."

"I hate you guys."

Shepard laughed and they all made their way through the ship, taking out husks and abominations of every sort along the way.

"Hang on a minute," Zaeed said after they listened to another recording. "So even though this thing is dead, it still indoctrinated people?"

"Looks that way," Shepard said.

"So they're even powerful when they're dead," Garrus said with an exhale. "This doesn't bode well for us."

"Alright, Pauley Pessimist, can we get a move on please?" Shepard loaded her gun with a new clip and followed Zaeed to the balcony.

"What in the world is this?" Zaeed said, looking over the railing. "Christ this whole place is a nightmare."

"We've seen these before," Shepard said.

"Dragon's teeth, you called them," Garrus offered, moving to Shepard's side behind the railing. "I guess this confirms them as Reaper tech."

"I was afraid of that."

"Jesus if those things can change humans into those…those…abominations…" Zaeed continued. "What would they do if they started harvesting everyone else?"

"What are you thinking, Z?"

"Think about it, Jane. If these goddamn things started changing Krogans into husks we've got about as much chance of surviving as a snowball does in hell."

"Maybe they don't work on Krogan?" Garrus tried. "I've never seen them change anything but humans into husks. Maybe they're specifically designed that way."

"Let's hope so," Shepard said, shaking off a severe chill that surged down her back. "I got a bad feeling about this place."

* * *

><p>"Well I'll be damned," Zaeed said, shaking a bit of blue goop off his shoe. "You're a hell of shot with that thing."<p>

"What'd you think I keep him around for?" Shepard said, jabbing Garrus in the ribs with the butt of her gun.

"And here I thought it was my charm and good looks," Garrus replied, tossing her that smile of his.

"Yeah right. Cuz I have a weakness for giant bird-monsters."

"The sooner you admit how sexy you think I am the sooner we can move on."

"Oh you are _such_ a dick."

**Blam. Blam. **

Shepard and Garrus both jumped as they looked back at the husks that had apparently been closing in on them, only to find that they had been shot in between the eyes. Garrus and Zaeed came up on Shepard's side as they looked up at a geth sniper. It was standing up from a sniping position before it lowered its gun and spoke.

"Shepard. Commander," it said, almost by way of greeting, before it turned and walked away.

The three organics stood there together, mouths open, completely baffled.

"What in the jabbering-fucking-christ just happened?" Zaeed said, looking to Shepard for an answer.

"I don't know, Z, that wasn't exactly commonplace."

"Red, a vibrator with legs knows your goddamn name."

"Lots of people know my name!" She defended.

"Shepard," Garrus interjected. "That wasn't exactly people."

"Why in googly hell does everyone assume I know what the fuck is going on?"

* * *

><p>"<strong>Stay on them<strong>!" Shepard shouted as she unloaded a missile into the barrier core.

Shepard was at the front of the platform, trying to bring down the barriers before the shield came back up. Garrus and Zaeed were behind her, trying to keep the wave of husks and abominations in check so she could get the job done.

"Any time now, Shepard," Garrus scolded.

"Blood hell," Zaeed said, kicking a husk in the chest before blasting it with his shotgun. "We've gotta get out of here, Red, or we'll be over run."

"Thanks for the news flash, asshole," Shepard shouted, taking the pin out of a grenade with her teeth and tossing it into the fray. "Grenade!"

Garrus took one down on the far end of the room before turning and blasting the butt of his rifle into the face of a husk coming up from the other side.

The shield opened again and that eerie hum filled the space, making Garrus' teeth grind in his mouth.

"Focus all fire!" Shepard shouted. The two men acknowledged the order and the three of them unloaded whatever was left in their clips into the core of the machine. A thunderous '_crack' _resounded through the hull and blue electricity and sparks exploded into the room. "**Get down**" Shepard shouted as they all dove out of the way.

Zaeed and Garrus dove in the same direction, but Shepard rolled to her left, down the ramp. She pushed herself up on her hands, trying to catch her breath, when a hand came from over the ledge and grabbed onto her ankle and pulled her. She turned over onto her back and fired her gun down at it, but her clip was still empty.

"Shit," she said, as she reached for a clip, only to find there were none on her belt. More hands came from over the ledge and grabbed onto her, some continuing to crawl up on top of her.

Garrus had been helping Zaeed to his feet when he turned to see Jane covered in husks, slowly getting pulled over the ledge.

"Jane!" he shouted, forsaking Zaeed and jumping over the railing.

"No!" Shepard shouted, pointing away from her. "Garrus go!" Shepard threw the butt of her rifle into another husk's face then turned to try and grab onto something. Her gauntlets screeched as they clawed on the metal floor trying to keep herself from going over. She scrambled, kicked her feet, threw husks off her back, tried everything she could: but still she fell. She gripped the side of the ledge with her arms, feeling herself slipping, watching Garrus run for her. She tried to hold on, but there were so many, and she was so tired.

Garrus dove for her just as she lost her grip, just barely managing to catch her wrist in his hand. He had been going so fast he almost slid over the edge himself, but managed to catch himself the railing with his free hand.

As he struggled to pull her up with the added weight of the husks, the image sent a very familiar chill through his core as he realized it was one he had seen before. The nightmare he'd had months ago of Saren pulling Shepard down into oblivion as Garrus flailed uselessly in an attempt to pull her to safety.

Shepard grunted as she tried to pull husks off of her armor with her free hand, flailing her legs in an attempt to free herself. She winced as the husks beat their fists into her armor, making her shields fizzle and drop. Garrus snapped himself out of his terrified haze and a growl erupted from his throat.

This wasn't a dream; this was different. This time Saren wasn't here. This time he wasn't helpless.

This time he had a gun.

"Not this time, Shepard" Garrus said, grinding his teeth against the effort. He ventured to release his grip on the railing long enough to un-holster his pistol and trained it down on her attackers. He fired five shots, each of them sending a bullet through a husk's skull, until they all fell away. Without the added weight, Garrus abandoned his pistol over the ledge and reached for Shepard's other hand. She swung her arm up and caught it, and as he lifted her toward him, she released her grip on one of his hands to grab the side of the ledge. With one of his hands freed, he moved it to her waist to continue lifting her up over the side.

Zaeed came to Garrus' side and took the liberty of pulling Jane up over the ledge by the back of her armor. Garrus stayed in the position he was in, rather exhausted from the ordeal.

They all sat there for a minute, panting, trying to catch a moment of reprieve.

"Nice save," Zaeed said, hands on his knees and nodding at the turian.

Shepard didn't say anything, just reached over, and put her hand on Garrus'.

The moment didn't last long; the whole ship seized and tossed them to the side.

"We're out of time!" Shepard said, scrambling to her feet. "We have to get out of here."

"What about this thing?" Zaeed said, making his way to the platform and tapping the geth with his foot. "It'd be a hell of a trophy. Probably worth a bloody fortune."

"Leave it," Garrus said, making his way there. "We have enough problems."

"Tali said no one's ever captured a geth in tact before," Shepard said, eyeing the machine.

"You know the risks," Garrus scoffed, realizing she had already made a decision. "So that's all I'm going to say."

"Grab it, Z," Shepard said, trying to lift it up off the ground.

It was much easier to carry once they left the chamber and the gravity lightened up considerably. As Joker pulled the Normandy up to the extraction point, the port-side airlock opened across from them. Shepard and Zaeed tossed the machine over the space and it soared, almost carelessly, into the door where Hadley was waiting to grab it.

"Go," Shepard said, turning to take down a few from the new wave of husks closing in.

Zaeed took a few steps back before charging and gaining what momentum he could to grab Hadley's forearm and pulling himself onto the ship.

"Garrus, go. Double time it."

"Negative, Commander," Garrus shouted, firing a few more bullets into a few more husks. "After you."

"God damn it, Garrus this isn't a debate! I gave you an or-WAGH!"

Garrus knew they were running out of time. But after watching her almost get lost in a sea of husks, he wasn't about to leave before she was safe. Instead he turned and grabbed her by the back of her armor and threw her, like a sack of grain, through the empty space to the ship. Zaeed and Hadley reached out and grabbed her, pulling her in, before Garrus stepped back to jump on board.

Just like they had done to Shepard, the husks grabbed Garrus, pulling his ankles out from under him just as he went to jump. He fell slowly onto the ground as the husks overtook him.

"**Garrus**," Shepard shouted. They tried to pour out cover fire, but the lack of solid gravity was making it almost useless from the distance they were at. "**God damn it, let go of me**!" he could hear Shepard shout. Garrus rolled onto his stomach and pushed himself up with his hands, forsaking the husks that were still on him, throwing sloppy fists into his shields. He tried to ignore them as he used nothing but whatever strength he could muster to stand himself up and punch his toes against the ledge.

Shepard grabbed Zaeed's forearm in her hand and jumped out of the doorway, reaching across the space and grabbing Garrus by his chest armor as he lazily drifted through the air. Zaeed used his other hand to shoot off a few husks that were still clinging to the sniper, before pulling them safely on board. Just as the bay door closed, the gravity kicked in and the two of them crashed onto the ground; tangled in each other's arms.

"Nice save," Garrus said, panting, but smiling.

Shepard didn't say anything, just stood and rushed into the Cockpit.

"We're safe," she shouted. "Get us the hell out of here, Joker."

"Aye aye, hang on everybody."

The ground team hurriedly followed after Shepard and she crashed against the far wall as the FTL drive kicked in, pulling hard to starboard to get out of the Reaper's gravitational field.

"What the fuck was that?" Shepard roared, ripping off her helmet. Her curls fell out of it haphazardly and settled around her shoulders. The rage in her face told Garrus that he was not about to like the ensuing conversation. "What the fuck is the matter with you!"

"What are we talking about?" Garrus asked, removing his own helmet. "The first time I saved your ass? Or the second?"

"Don't you play dumb with me, motherfucker, you know what I'm talking about."

"Shepard, calm down," he said, putting a hand up. "I just made sure you got onto the ship. That's all."

"At the cost of almost getting killed?"

"Hardly," He said with a smile, sinking into his foot, hoping his usual humor would derail whatever was pissing her off so much. "I'm surprised you have such little faith in me."

"God damn it, Vakarian. This isn't a fucking joke!"

Her voice cracked through the hull of the ship, silencing everyone on the deck. Garrus looked at her and studied the fury in her face, trying to pin point why she was so furious about this. Sure it didn't help his case that the husks had almost gotten the best of him, but he was safe now. Why was she so livid? This wasn't the first time he had done something like that, why was this so different? Twice in the same hour he had forsaken her authority to help her, why was she suddenly so angry about the second? He wanted to pose these questions to her, make his thoughts known, but he couldn't formulate the thoughts into words. Instead she continued to yell.

"I don't know what has been going on with you lately," She said, poking him hard in the chest. "But it has to stop. Now. I've made it this long without a father; I don't need you to take up the god damn mantle."

"Shepard," Garrus said, getting irritated at being compared to a father figure again. "You can't keep putting the crew before yourself. We need you. When are you going to realize that?"

"Never," she shouted, glaring daggers up at him. "Now you listen to me and you listen good. I have been nothing but forgiving for your bullshit lately. I let it slide when you threw a tantrum in front of the crew because I wasn't taking you on the heist. I pretended to forget about how you found me on the Augustine and promised, _promised me, _that you were going to take care of everything, only to wake up and find that you had charged onto the ship with no backup. I even shrugged off how you showed up out of nowhere to pick us up and then addressed me like a fucking _child _in front of my crew. But I draw the line now, Garrus. I draw the fucking line at you disobeying a direct order and almost getting yourself, or maybe someone else, killed. If whatever this paternal feeling you've developed for me doesn't tone down, I will drop your scaly ass off on Palaven and go through the Omega 4 without you, do you understand? This mission is too important for me to lose my command. And it's certainly more important than this…this…" She sighed and looked down, putting a hand on her chest like the words hurt her. "This overwhelming need I have to keep you at my side all the time." She looked back up at him and the angry tears that filled her eyes made his heart sink into his stomach. "If you, my best friend, the person I trust above all else, don't _respect _me, how in the hell do you expect the rest of the crew to respect me? Whenever you have had a problem with my orders you have pulled me aside and we have discussed it in private, and it is the fact that I have the utmost respect for you that I have even taken what you said into consideration. But this is different, and it's dangerous, and I will not allow anyone to get killed because of it. This change in you, it… I can't allow it anymore. I don't know what caused it but…" Her eyebrows upturned, almost as if realization was hitting her face. Her features softened and the sadness quickly overtook the anger. "Was it the Augustine? Was it seeing me so helpless, at the mercy of that psycho? Is that what made you stop respecting me?"

"Jane…" he breathed. Not because he was trying to speak softly, but because her words had completely knocked the wind out of him. They hit him harder than any physical blow ever could have. He felt his knees shake as the moment stung between them, hanging in the air and vibrating like a sourly plucked string. *

She waved a hand dismissively as she moved down the CIC toward the elevator.

"Forget about it," she said, shoulder checking him as she passed. "It's done."

He turned and watched her go. If ever there was a time when he knew he needed to say something, it was now. But the words wouldn't come. Instead he just watched in stunned silence as the distance between them grew and grew. Zaeed gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder as he passed, following after Shepard. He caught up and loaded onto the elevator with her before the doors shut.

Garrus just stood there. He just… stood there.

"Yeeeeaaahhh…." Joker said, swiveling around in his chair. "You should probably fix that."

* * *

><p><em><strong>The line with the asterisk was taken from a story I like a shout out to you guys to go read her story. If you like a good Thane-mance, I highly recommend it. It's one of my faves so far. Her name is Exia and the story is Syndonic Day. I don't shout out stories unless they are actually worth reading (as you can see by the fact that I never have before). So go. Read it. Srsly.<br>**_

_**Love you guys as always!  
><strong>_

_**Roarkshop  
><strong>_


	43. Changed

_**Roarkshop here!**_

_**So I'm going to California for my birthday (on Sunday) and I won't be back till Wednesday. So instead of posting the chapter all late and stuff, I'm posting it early! So there won't be a chapter next week, but instead you get two this week. I think that's a fair trade, don't you? **_

_**Plus, you know I don't like to leave you guys for a whole week on a cliffhanger. That would be mean. ^_^ **_

_**LOVE YOU GUYS!**_

_**Lovelovelove**_

_**Roarkshop**_

* * *

><p>Garrus sat down in the long abandoned Engineering hangar, down in the depths where Jack would usually keep herself busy. Currently it was dinner time and no one would probably be down here for a few hours, so he took the opportunity to sit on the floor and robotically dismantle his rifle. Piece by piece he laid it out in front of him, cleaning each tiny part systematically before he had an entire array of cogs and scraps sitting charted out on the floor in front of him. Every single piece a tiny, seemingly insignificant, thing. And yet no matter how small or misunderstood, the piece was vital to the cohesion of the unit, and without such it would cease to function and, in some cases, be dangerous. It was such a fine line, such a high-wire act, between well-oiled killing machine and gruesome fiery catastrophe. But no matter what happened, as long as he always put the same parts in the same place, it would work. It would always just work.<p>

What a mess he was.

He leaned his head back on the wall and lifted his knees so he could drape his arms over them. He hadn't really thought about it before, that everything he was doing to keep Shepard safe could be misconstrued as fatherly or even disrespectful. But now that she had brought it to his attention, he couldn't _stop _seeing it that way. Now he just had one more thing to add to the long laundry list of reasons he was a crappy turian.

Her words bounced through his mind like an overactive pyjak. He couldn't stop thinking about it, torturing himself with her words.

Originally, Garrus had wanted to follower her up to her quarters and tell Massani to give them a minute. But the more he thought about it, the more of a terrible idea it seemed. In the past he had always managed to resolve whatever was between them simply by taking her shoulders and pretty much telling her everything was going to be alright. But this was completely different. This time _**he **_was the problem. This was totally new territory.

Garrus figured Shepard would find more comfort in the old friend that she _wasn't_ pissed at as opposed to him. Even if he did go up there to talk to her, what would he say? Putting aside that she was completely wrong about the _reason _he had been acting differently, that didn't make her any less right about everything else. On top of that, there was nothing to be done about it. He certainly wasn't going to _stop _protecting her, and he certainly wasn't going to lie to her about it.

He exhaled and let his head hang against his chest.

Maybe he _should _just go back to Palaven. If she seriously considered him to be a threat to her safety, maybe he was causing her more harm than good by staying.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the Engineering doors sweeping open and unfamiliar heavy footsteps clanking down the stairs. Zaeed's good eye focused on him at the other end of the dimly lit room and a rather condescending smile spread across the merc's face. This was the last person Garrus had expected to come looking for him, but regardless he was glad for the distraction.

Wordlessly Zaeed made his way to Garrus' side and leaned against the wall, propping a foot up on it as he handed one of two bottles down. Garrus recognized it as the amino-neutral beer Gardener kept hidden away in the kitchen for special occasions, and reached up to tentatively take the vessel from the merc's hand.

Zaeed clinked the bottom of his bottle with the neck of Garrus' in a hap-hazard toast.

"Cheers, you bloody moron."

Garrus leaned his head on his hand and exhaled, saying nothing.

"She's still pretty pissed," Zaeed offered.

"I figured as much."

"I've never seen her like that," the old man admitted. "I've seen her at her lowest and I've never seen her as desperate as when she thought you were about become a zombie casserole. If I hadn't been holding her back she would have jumped right back over that hole to save your scaly ass."

"When will she learn?" Garrus said, almost exasperated. "When is she going to figure out how expendable we all are by comparison? When is she going to realize how important she is?"

"Never, right? Said as much herself. You don't need me tellin' you she's always been that way. Tiny little thing like that, still as stubborn as a goddamn mule. Just some… hungry kid, trying to survive, and still would never yield." He laughed affectionately and turned the bottle in his hand as he thought. "Still," he continued. "She's not stupid. She wouldn't have gone back to save anyone _elses _hide."

"And why do you think that?

"Because she cares about you, you _twat."_

"She cares about _everyone, _Massani. I've seen her risk her life for people she doesn't even know."

"And I suppose you've seen her shout at these people that she would rather them sit out a mission, safe at home, while she did the it without them to ensure they were safe?"

"That's not what she said."

"Like hell it aint."

Garrus looked down at his lap, thumbing the bottle in his hand, thinking over what the merc had just said. Was it really _his _safety she was most concerned with?

"Care to hear a story?" Zaeed said finally.

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Then by all means."

Zaeed laughed and slid his back down the wall until he was sitting side by side with Garrus.

"I told you all last night about Vito and how he stole the Blue Suns from me, shot me in the face etcetera. What I didn't tell you is that I found him. Bout three years back now, if I recall it right. He was on Zorya; some little bullshit jungle planet. He'd taken over an oil refinery there and started running all the major operations out of it. The day before I had _planned _to go after him with a few of my mates I'd managed to hang onto, I got the message from Anderson that Red had gone down with the Normandy." He exhaled and lifted a knee. "That was an anger I hadn't been prepared for. Sacrificed herself for some bullshit crew member, like I was always afraid she was going to. Christ, I was livid. I charged that refinery solo and killed every armored bastard in my way. None of it made me stop kicking myself. I should have contacted her, I shouldn't have let her die alone. I was in such a state by the time I finally found Vito that I blew an oil rig in a hurried attempt to get at him faster. I put a lot of innocent lives in danger to reach my objective. I didn't really see the civilians, you understand, I was just going through the motions, moving on reflex, letting my anger do all the work. But before I knew it I had a choice to make. Either I let all these people die, people I endangered in the first place, just so I can hurry on to meet up with Vito; or I save the people and possibly let him get away."

A long bout of silence before Garrus finally asked the obvious question.

"What did you do?"

Zaeed let his head fall back against the wall and took a long pull on his beer.

"I thought about Jane. I thought about the Blitz. I thought about some tiny little spitfire, holding the line all by her lonesome against ten thousand terrorists calling for blood. Doing what she had always wanted to do; protecting those who couldn't protect themselves."

"You saved the civilians."

"You're damn right I saved the civilians. And wouldn't you know it, Vito got away because of it, and I never found him again."

An appreciative silence filled the room as the two men sat, side by side, and drank.

"Why are you telling me all this?" Garrus asked finally, looking down at his bottle.

"They say that heroes just don't drop out of the sky. Well they'd be as wrong about that as they are about everything else. Jane Shepard fell from the sky so goddamn hard she about knocked the wind out of me on impact. People like her don't come around very often, but when they do they are the only kinds of people capable of changing men like you and me. It wasn't until she was gone and I knew I was never going to see her again, that I realized she had changed me forever." Zaeed finally moved his head to look over at Garrus. "And I only had to know you for about five goddamn minutes before I knew she had changed you too."

Garrus exhaled through his nose and closed his eyes, letting his head fall against the wall as he contemplated what an idiot he was.

"Don't fuck this up, Spike," Zaeed finally said.

"Huh?"

"This. This you and Red thing you have going. Don't fuck it up because you're only going to get one chance."

"Why do I feel like we're talking about two different things right now?"

"Are you fuckin' shitting me?" Zaeed said, his tone right on the border of laughing. "You two are underpants-as-a-hat-retarded for each other. And instead of telling her what an absolute mess she makes you, you're down here drinking with me like a goddamn fruit."

"You're wrong," he said, perhaps more trying to convince himself than Zaeed. "She doesn't want me."

"Red doesn't want you the same way I don't want a room full of scantly clad Asari with questionable morals."

"Even if you're right," Garrus snapped. "Look at me." He raised his arms as if to gesture at his own body. "I don't even know how I'd _begin _to be with a human; soft, unprotected, meat sacks that you are. Spirits, I just happen to let myself lose control and then what? I accidentally hurt her? Or worse? What makes you think I'm stupid enough to take that chance?"

"Jesus titty-sprinkles Christ, you've got quite the ego, haven't ya?"

"What? How do you figure ego plays into it?"

"Listen plate-face. Jane Shepard has been beaten, tortured, raped, blown up, shot, stabbed, and sliced open. She's been electrocuted and she's drifted through the blackness of space and felt her lungs shred into itty bitty pieces. She's been every kind of hurt except thrown through a goddamn wood-chipper. And through all of that she has always, _always, _come back swinging. And you think _you _are going to be the one to bring her down? Accidentally? Using nothing but your manliness and a hard-on? Jiminy Christmas you must think highly of yourself."

Garrus was simultaneously appalled and stunned. Crude though the merc was, he was totally right. He had never even seen physical pain even faze Shepard in the past, why would he be the first to break her?

No. He shook the thought out of his head. He couldn't let himself follow this train of thought. Damn this human, making Garrus suddenly hope for something he had no right to hope for. This was dangerous territory, he had to get out of it. He couldn't let himself be convinced into ruining the only friendship that mattered to Shepard.

"No I… She deserves better."

"That's probably the only true thing you've said," Zaeed said with an exhale. "But who can really _deserve _someone like her, hum? In the end, what she _deserves_ doesn't matter. No one else can do for her what you can, because she didn't chose any of us. She chose you."

"And what would you have me do?" Garrus snapped, getting angry by how easily this human seemed to crawl into his head. "March up to her cabin and fall on my knees?"

"Don't be a bloody dolt, you don't tell a woman you love her while she's pissed at you. What are you, new at this?" Zaeed took another long drink before exhaling again. "What you do is you march your depressing ass upstairs and apologize. You tell her you're sorry and that'll it'll never happen again. You say whatever you need to and get it resolved. Get back to home base, then decide on the right time for that later. Preferably not right after you've screwed the pooch so hard it died."

Garrus hung his head into his hands. This was crazy. He shouldn't even be thinking about all of this.

"First and foremost," Zaeed continued as he stood himself up. "You need to stop pretending that you're keeping it to yourself for her sake instead of yours. Man up and admit that you're a pussy and that the only thing holding you back is you."

"Why are you doing this?" Garrus sneered. "Why are you trying to help me?"

Zaeed turned, very slowly, and scowled down at him.

"What in the great blue _fuck _makes you think I'm doing this for _you_? I would march up stairs and give Red the same speech I'm giving you, but that isn't what she wants. She doesn't want to hear it from _me. _She wants to hear it from _you _god damn it. She _deserves _to hear it from you."

They sat there, in gridlock, for painfully long minutes. Garrus desperately tried to process the information in his head, shuffling through his insecurities until one plain and simple fact was all that was left.

"I don't want to hurt her."

"I know," Zaeed said, forcing a breath out through his nose. "Neither did I. And wouldn't you know it? The more I tried to avoid it, the more damage I ended up doing. The list of people who have betrayed or walked out on her is so long you and I couldn't even begin to wrap our retarded man-brains around it. _My_ name is on that list, Vakarian. See to it that yours isn't."

Garrus stayed silent as Zaeed turned and started to walk back toward the Engineering steps until a thought occurred to him.

"Zaeed," Garrus said, catching the Merc's attention and making him look back over his shoulder. He didn't say anything, just waited for Garrus to continue. "You said I'll only have one chance. What does that mean?"

"It means that if you're going to tell her, you'd better make damn well sure you've practiced your speech. If you let her make you back out, you'll never get another chance."

Garrus still didn't understand completely, but he exhaled and looked down at the beer in his hand. He knew he was running out of time to figure it out.

"Don't fuck this up, Spike," Zaeed called from over his shoulder as he made his way up the Engineering steps. "I actually find you tolerable, so I'd hate to have to hunt you down and kill you with my bare hands."

* * *

><p>Garrus showered.<p>

After his teeny, tiny, _world shattering _heart to heart with Zaeed, Garrus needed to think. He had spent so much energy trying to hide his thoughts from himself, that it was about time to come to terms with it all. He leaned his hands on the metal wall of the shower and let the hot water pour over him, down his back. He watched the water drip off him and ripple on the shower floor, like they were the puzzle pieces he was fitting together in his head.

"Damn it," he said to himself, taking a deep breath and running a hand down his face.

He had to tell her.

Not now though, right? Of course not now. Zaeed was right, he had to fix the _first _problem on his plate before he dealt with the second one. He didn't even know what he was going to say, or how he was going to say it, or if she even wanted to hear him say it. What if Zaeed was wrong? What if she didn't want him that way? He should have asked Zaeed directly if Shepard had told him any of this crap, or if he was just speculating through one good eye and 10 years of separation. That seemed to make a rather shaky case. If Garrus had been right all along and she _did _want Thane, telling her would do nothing but make a terrible situation worse. No, he wouldn't tell her now. He'd wait.

But he would tell her. He wanted to. He still hadn't even said it out loud, not really. He was tired of watching from the side lines. He was tired of watching how her shoulders and neck moved, he was tired of trying not to stare at her strong hips or the curves of her back.

He needed to get a little more proof. Garrus had never been a faith kind of guy. He needed to see it, to recognize it, to watch her react to him in certain situations before he'd believe it, like he had on Omega.

Omega…that's right.

He clumsily climbed into his clothes, completely forgetting his visor in the bathroom.

The memory of helping Samara on Omega filled his senses as he trudged back to the Battery, the Mess Hall was completely abandoned so, thankfully, no one was around to disrupt his thoughts.

He remembered slipping a hand onto the side of her throat from behind, he remembered how her body had reacted once he spoke and she recognized that it was him. He had lowered his face to the other side of her neck and he remembered the feeling of her silken skin against his rough, scarred mandibles. He remembered how her breath caught in her throat, he remembered how he could feel her heart pound under his palm.

Garrus realized he was standing at the Battery console, a thick, unconscious rumble echoing through the space as it exited his throat.

He shook his head out, trying not to let his urges get to the surface. He was going to have enough trouble sleeping tonight, he didn't need to add any…stimuli.

But the memory was there, she had wanted him. There were no bones about it. He had originally written it off as both of them being wound rather tightly, and that very well still could have been the case. But it also might not have been.

He paced the Battery with his fingers linked together on the back of his neck, looking up at the ceiling, thinking himself in circles. This was going to do nothing for him now. Now he needed to figure out how to settle things with Jane. He had something that needed handling right this minute, he had plenty of time to think on everything else.

What would thinking about it do though, really? At this point everything was so screwed that thinking about what he should say would do nothing but add more questions that needed answering. He needed to just…talk to her. In all the times Garrus had wanted to help Shepard, every time he had thought about it and tried to carefully plan something, he had ended up tripping over his own feet and face-planting into the floor. What he needed to do was just go up there and give them the opportunity to just…be them.

Her scent invaded the Battery just before he heard the elevator settling in the shaft, and he knew she was coming.

Well so much for his best laid plans.

He thought about closing the Battery door, but he was already at the end of the Battery with all the weapons crates, so he opted to just sit on them so he was out of view of the door. He heard the elevator doors open, and heard her soft padded footsteps walk around the corner.

Then he heard her stop.

He leaned to peer around the door frame and saw her standing in front of Life Support, one fist raised as if poised to knock on Thane's door. Then she sighed, lowering her fist and pacing back and forth in front of the door three times, wringing her hands together all the while. She closed her eyes tight and put a hand on her forehead, exhaled a large breath, and turned back to the door, knocking on it three times.

Garrus couldn't hear anything over the sound of his heartbeat. He stood and gripped the Battery door frame with one hand, holding onto it for support. His other hand tentatively reached out as if he was going to stop her.

Thane answered, shirtless, and motioned a hand to urge her inside. She smiled nervously, pushing her hair back behind her ear and stepping in. Then the door shut.

Garrus went from zero to furious in less time than a heartbeat. The door frame creaked as his bare talons pierced it, his teeth were grinding in his mouth so hard he could taste the sweetness of blood from his gums. Had he made a terrible mistake by not going to talk to her sooner? Had he unintentionally driven her _right _into his rivals arms? Stupid, turian. Stupid, proud, cowardly turian.

The last few months of Garrus' life had been, among other things, incredibly uncertain. There were only a precious few things that he was absolutely sure of; everything else was proven wrong daily. But in that moment he stood there in the Battery door, no visor, and no reason, he was only sure of one thing:

He was about to do something incredibly stupid.

* * *

><p><strong>PSYCH! DOUBLE CLIFF HANGER! BUAAAAAHAHAHAHAAH!<strong>

**Yes I realize I'm probably going to hell for this. See you guys July 2nd! ^_^**


	44. Company

_**Roarkshop here: Sorry to say this is the last chapter for a few weeks. For my reasons and when i should be returning please visit my blog at .net and read my latest blog post (should be just after the new chapter over there). I toiled and toiled over this chapter trying to get it done because my life has kind of EXPLODED, so I do hope you all like it. See you all in a few weeks. **_

_**Lovelovelove**_

_**Roarkshop.  
><strong>_

_**P.S. please have a safe Fourth of July/Canada Day/whatever other holiday is this week. If you don't have a holiday this week. Please just be safe anyway. Or I keel you.  
><strong>_

_**Cookies.  
><strong>_

* * *

><p>The knocks on Thane's door didn't startle him, but certainly brought him out of his meditations a little more abruptly than he would have liked. As he stood up from the floor, he checked the clock on his desk, beaming a bright green 02:00. Why anyone would need him this late in the sleep cycle, he didn't know. If it was an emergency, wouldn't they have alerted EDI? That would have been the fastest option.<p>

Either way, he decided to answer. Just in case.

_She_ certainly _did _startle him.

He hadn't been expecting it to be Shepard at his door, wearing something similar to what they had sparred in a few days prior, her hair falling around her shoulders in messy curls. She obviously hadn't slept yet and her face told him that she wasn't exactly pleased with her need to be there.

"Siha," he said in surprised greeting, stepping aside and motioning an arm for her to come in.

"Hey," she replied, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking at the ground as she stepped in. "Didn't know you hung out in here shirtless." She laughed, but it was a nervous sound.

"I suppose you think I sleep in the jacket," he said with a smirk. Her eyes widened and she put an urgent hand on his shoulder.

"Sleep!" she said. "Holy shit I totally forgot it was this late. You were probably sleeping. I'm sorry, I should go. I'll go." She turned and walked past him to head out the door and he laughed, catching her on the wrist.

"On the contrary," he said, leading her further into the room. "I have already slept for the night. I am always up at this hour."

"You what?" she said, turning to follow him.

"I do not require as much sleep as the other members of the crew. Between 3 and 5 hours is plenty for me."

"Oh… well," she cleared her throat as her turned to face her and she crossed her arms against her chest. "That must be convenient."

"It gives me more hours in a day, certainly."

"I suppose you probably don't like wasting hours."

"Does anybody?"

"Are you kidding? If I could waste hours doing absolutely nothing I would. All the time."

He laughed and held his hands behind his back. "I assume you came down here for more than a lesson on my sleep schedule."

"Yeah I…yeah." She cleared her throat and started to pace, wringing her hands out. "I don't eh… I'm not sure I…" She exhaled and clapped her hands onto her thighs.

Thane smiled and lifted a leg to sit on the edge of his desk, putting his hands together on his lap. He had never seen her so completely at ends with herself. Needless to say he was intrigued as to what had her in such a state, though he could probably guess.

"Okay," she said, turning to face him and pointing her hands in his direction as she spoke. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm not very good at this sort of thing. That is… well…" she rubbed the back of her neck with one hand, and flailed the other around like it was going to explain what she was having trouble getting out. Thane found her befuddlement amusing, though simultaneously a little unsettling. "I don't do this kind of thing very often. I mean, it's just not my thing, you know? Not that it's bad or anything, well I mean I guess that all depends on how you see it. It shouldn't be bad though, I mean that's what people keep telling me."

"If I didn't know better," Thane interrupted, tilting his head to the side as he observed her. "I'd think you were about to proposition me."

"What? No! Holy fuck," she exhaled and put a hand on her head. "It totally does sound like that. Jesus I'm retarded. Okay let me start over."

"Please do."

She looked down at her feet and took a deep breath. Two, actually.

"I need your advice," she said just before looking back up at him.

"Mine?" he asked, cocking an incredulous brow. He was rather confused, but also honored that she trusted him enough to ask for his help. She had been right, this wasn't something she did often. In fact, Thane had never known her to do it at all. "While not unwelcome, this seems… unusual. I had not thought myself high on the list of people from whom you would seek council."

"Here's the thing," she said, pointing at him. "You are the only person I know with this very…" she moved her head back and forth as she looked for a word, before seeming to latch onto it. "_Specific _point of view. You have the exact frame of reference I lack."

"Because I am dying?" he asked. He made sure not to sound irritated, because he wasn't. He was merely curious if it was the view she was referring to, since it was the most obvious.

"No," she said, looking down. "Not about dying. I'm familiar with dying."

Thane exhaled and lowered his head to catch her eye line, forcing her to look at him. There were only three 'frame of references' that were unique only to Thane on the ship. If it wasn't about his mortality, and it most certainly wasn't about being a father, that only left one option.

"Because I am a widower."

"Yes," she breathed, wincing. Shame was not something Thane had ever seen her bright, playful face express; It didn't suit her. He was certainly seeing a whole new side of her in these brief minutes.

"This is about the turian," he said.

"Am I that obvious?"

"I was in the CIC for your little…disagreement."

"Ah."

"Even if I hadn't been, however," he said, crossing his arms. "I am very observant."

"Well cookies for you then," she said with a sigh, moving to sit on the edge of his bed across from him. She put her elbows on her knees and wrung her hands together, but didn't speak.

Thane stood and crossed the room, going to sit beside her, mimicking her position by putting his elbows on his knees and looking over at her.

"Take your time," he said.

"So we have a saying," she said, moving her hands as she spoke. "Humans, that is. 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'"

"I am familiar with it."

She looked over at him, deep, piercing eyes filled with a sadness that bordered on fear.

"Is it true?"

Thane exhaled and looked down at his hands, then raised his head to look across the room.

"Yes," was all he said.

"Now I know you have a son," she continued, pointing at him like that was a determining factor. "But pretend for a minute that you don't. Also pretend that she didn't die but… just left. Would it still have been worth it?"

"Yes."

"Ugh," she said, letting her face fall into her palms.

"That doesn't seem to be the answer you wanted."

"You're not even thinking about it."

"I don't need to, Shepard."

"Why?" She looked over at him and her curls swayed with the motion. "How can you be so sure?"

Thane sat back against the wall and lifted a foot onto the edge of the bed to bend his knee.

"I was asleep for a long time," he rumbled. "I remember living all my years, but I do not remember _experiencing_ a single one. Not until Irikah. She awoke a fire in me. She gave life to what was simply an empty shell before her. If not for her I would never have lived. Every breath was important, every moment something worthy of worship. She opened up my whole world. She changed me."

Shepard exhaled and slouched her back against the wall with him so they were shoulder to shoulder.

"Are you familiar," he continued. "With your people's story of Frankenstein?"

"Uh," she squinted one eye like she was thinking. "Vaguely. I was never into horror."

"Remarkable piece of fiction," he said with a laugh. "A scientist pieces together another man using nothing but parts from other corpses, only to revive it as a new person. Most see this thing as a monster, but the creator sees it as a masterpiece; something to be taught. Something to be loved."

She let her head fall to the side as she listened. "How does it end?"

"The creation inevitably kills its creator," he said softly.

Shepard moved her hand onto Thane's thigh, but didn't look at him. He looked down at it, finding an odd comfort in the contact.

"You didn't kill Irikah," she said.

"I didn't help her, either," he admitted.

She exhaled, conceding the point.

"But my story is not yours, Shepard."

"No. It's not. Yours is actually successful at some points."

He laughed. "You can hardly say your life is devoid of successes."

"That's what people keep saying." She threw her hands into the air as she spoke. "Look at The Blitz! Look at Saren! First human Spectre! Savior of the Citadel! Whoop-de-fucking-doodly!" She let her hands fall lifelessly onto her lap before continuing. Quietly. "And I'd give it all away if I could just once… to just…"

"I imagine this is what you should be telling _him_."

"Yeah… I know."

"It seems to me that you are afraid, though of what I am uncertain."

She was quiet for a short period as she tried to figure out how to explain.

"This whole time," she said, moving a hand as she spoke. "All I've kept telling myself was that whatever happened, whatever I was feeling, whatever I wanted to say, keeping it to myself and watching him be happy with someone else was better than watching him leave some day. I've watched a lot of people walk away in my life, and none of it affects me like the thought of Garrus doing it."

"You speak of a hypothetical situation as if it is an inevitability."

"What if it **is** an inevitability?"

"What if it _isn't_?"

She exhaled and chewed on her bottom lip, but remained silent for several moments before speaking again.

"If I go for it," she started. "That goes one of two ways: Either he goes along with it one way or another, or he gives me the 'not attracted to humans' talk which concludes with our friendship, probably the most satisfying relationship in my entire life, being changed forever. That's a 50% chance of catastrophic failure. On the other hand, say it works for a while, and he inevitably figures out whatever it is about me men repel from, and then he leaves, like they always do. Then what? We don't just… go back to being friends after that. So now it's a 33.33% chance of success and I don't like those odds."

"Is this how you view a battle situation? In math? In chances?"

"Yes."

"Well, I am hardly one to argue with you seeing your results. But this is not combat, Siha. This is entirely different. Perhaps just as dangerous, but the same tactics do not apply here."

She let her chin sink into her hand. "These are the only tactics I know."

"Perhaps that is why you have been so unsuccessful in the past."

"Don't give me that," she said, standing up and starting to pace again. "This is a whole different situation. I mean sure you can't exactly call my… past experiences _successes_. But I wasn't exactly giving myself to those men either. It had failed before the horse even got out of the gate. I've never… I mean it's never been _me _that…" She finished her sentence by exhaling and putting her hand on the back of her neck.

"You love the turian, Shepard," Thane said, standing. "There is no other way to say it. It is a fact; plainly and simply. The more you try to complicate it, the more complicated it will become. I will go as far as to say that the reason your feelings for Vakarian are so strong is because there is something that separates him from the others, yes?"

"Are you kidding me? I've never gotten along with someone as perfectly as I do with Garrus. I mean, he's never walked out on me, he's never betrayed me, never gave me a reason to doubt him. Even his blatant insubordination was for my own good rather than his own, and from the look on his face it hurt him just as much as it hurt me. That's why I'm so afraid of fucking it up like I do. He's not like the others. He's just…. He's different, you know?"

"Tell me then," Thane said, putting his hands behind his back. "Why do you think his reaction to being with you would not _also_ be different?"

Silence. Her eyes danced around the floor as thoughts raced through her mind. What the thoughts were, Thane was sure he had no idea. But as her eyebrows upturned and she looked sadly into his eyes, he realized that she had been hiding from this fact for a long time.

"It's time to stop running, Siha," Thane continued, taking her hands in his. "I relive Irikah's death every day at least twice. I feel every pang of guilt, every vein of sadness, every throb of despair. All of those emotions, those symphonies of sorrow, would still be worth it if I relived them once an hour for the rest of my days. Because that sorrow, painful though it is, will never be more powerful than the euphoria I feel when I spare a moment to remember what it felt like to hold her in my arms. Loss is only powerful immediately. But as time goes on, nothing will be able to take the happiness from you, however brief it may have been." He sighed and moved his hands up her wrists to hold her upper arms and stare directly into her face. "And I cannot think of anyone more deserving of happiness than you."

Her jaw set hard as she broke his gaze to stare down at her feet, her hands, now fists, shivered at her sides. He could feel her insides tremble through his palms on her shoulders and he knew she was fighting to keep her emotions from spilling.

"You and I are familiar with mortality," he continued. "It is such a fragile thing; Time. It is a luxury for people like us; do not waste it. Do not let fear make you miss your chance."

When she looked back up at him her eyes had reddened, but it was obvious she had successfully suppressed the tears that had caused it. A small smile tugged at the edge of her lips and she stepped into his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. The gesture threw him at first, but he quickly took it for what it was and laughed, wrapping his arms around her gladly.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You are very welcome."

She pulled away and let her hands hit her legs, smiling, and exhaling a determined sigh.

"Is this where you head to the Battery?"

"Don't be stupid," she said, letting that same confident smile spread across her face. "We still have a situation on our hands. We need to figure that out before I… I don't know. I'll tell him. Sometime."

"Soon, I hope."

"Yeah… soon."

Thane smiled and walked her to the door.

"Do I need to ask that this stays between us?"

"Of course not, Siha. You may be assured of my secrecy."

"Thank you," she said again, turning and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Seriously. I needed this."

"It was a pleasure to be of service," he said with a suave, though mildly sarcastic, bow. When he stood he was smiling again. "Try and rest."

"I will," she said, backing up toward the elevator. "You… do whatever it is you do in there."

He laughed a little and linked his fingers behind his back, retreating back into his chamber. He slowly moved to sit back on the floor, crossing his legs over each other to drift back into his meditations, resolving himself to think of Irikah. Though, he didn't even have time to get into proper posture before his door whooshed open again. He smiled and turned around to look over his shoulder.

"Did you forget some-HURK!"

An iron hand gripped Thane's throat and very quickly threw him into the bookshelf on the other side of the room. Moving purely on reflex, Thane reached for his gun and pointed it under the turian's chin before he had even hit the wall.

Well, this night was turning out to be much more eventful than Thane had originally planned.

* * *

><p>"Thank you," Garrus heard her say. "Seriously. I needed this."<p>

Garrus rolled his neck out as he leaned on the inside of the Battery door frame. He kept his eyes closed and concentrated on controlling his breathing_. Steady and even. Don't lose your cool_.

He knew he was about to charge the Life Support. There was no way around it, there was no other option. There was going to be a disagreement and Garrus would be lying to himself if he didn't recognize how he was looking forward to it.

However if he could avoid Shepard from watching as he ripped off Thane's arms and fed them to him, that would be preferable.

"It was a pleasure to be of service," Thane said to her before giving her a polite "Try and rest."

"I will," she said. Garrus could already hear her heading toward the elevator. Good. He turned to look around the door frame to see her with her hands behind her back as she backed up, smiling at the green pretender. "You…do whatever it is you do in there."

She wasn't even completely in the elevator when Garrus started to move. Just as she stepped in, the doors closing behind her, he reached the access panel of Life Support. He wished for a moment that it had been a regular door so that he might have kicked it to splinters, but he would have to be satisfied with a stealthy entrance.

His ability to reason, which was disappearing a little more every moment that went by, completely evaporated as he entered the room and he heard the small laugh out of the drell, who had obviously expected it to be Shepard come back for round two. Her scent… it was everywhere; in the room, on the bed, on his skin.

Unacceptable.

"Did you forget some-HURK!"

Garrus had the tiny, soft throat in his hand before Thane even had a chance to finish turning around. He roared as he slammed the drell's back into the bookshelf on the far end of the room, books and data-pads spilling out onto the floor.

"_You stay away from her,_" Garrus sneered before lifting the drell back up by his shoulders and slamming him into the bookshelf again.

"If I were you," Thane croaked, a little too calmly for Garrus' liking. "I would reconsider my actions."

"Or what?"

"I do not wish to hurt you, Vakarian." His soothing voice was very quickly punctuated by the familiar '_click-whirr'_ combination of a gun arming itself. Garrus tried to look down but felt the all too familiar touch of the barrel of a pistol pressed to the soft, exposed skin under his chin.

"Where did you get a gun?" Garrus barked. "You're half naked."

"I am never without a weapon."

"Why was she in here?" He continued, forsaking the gun issue for the triviality that it was. "What did you do?"

"While I will admit that it is not what you think, I will also not betray her confidence."

Garrus squeezed Thanes shoulders so hard he could feel his talons working their way between the scales there.

"I won't let you hurt her," Garrus said through his teeth. "I will not stand by and just _watch_ you take advantage of her. She is not a last hurrah before you die, do you understand? I will not let her be abandoned again. I watched her crumble once, and I was the one to pick up the pieces and put her back together. I _will not_ see that pain in her face again."

"If you're looking for the person causing her pain," Thane said, that damn smirk of his playing across his lips. "There is a mirror just on the other wall."

"What did you say to me?" Garrus growled, ignoring how blood started to drip down his talons.

"We all saw her in the CIC this evening. We all heard the sadness in her voice as she recounted your disrespectful behavior."

"That's none of your business."

"Isn't it? If you think you are the only one who wishes to prevent Shepard from being hurt," Thane accentuated his point by pressing the barrel of his pistol further into Garrus throat. "You will be sorely mistaken."

"How very noble of you, Krios. But _I'm_ not the one to worry about; Shepard and I will get through this just like we get through everything else."

"Not if I pull this trigger, you won't." Garrus could hear the drell tapping his finger where it was poised on the side of the gun. "Perhaps she would be better off, in the long run, if she did not have a constant reminder that her most trusted ally has stopped respecting her."

Garrus' eyes widened without his permission as they met Thane's calm, reproachful ones.

"**God damn it**," Garrus roared and turned on his heel, using his grip on Thane's shoulders to hurl him into the glass shelves on the other side of the room. The drell crashed against them and they shattered into tiny pieces that rained onto the floor around him.

Thane was very quickly on his feet, training his gun back on Garrus in preparation for an altercation, but stopped short when he saw how the turian was leaning on the desk. His left hand was pressed flat against the desktop; his right was covering his face as he obviously tried to get a handle on his rage.

"She couldn't be more wrong," he said softly to himself.

Thane saw it for what it was; It was a turmoil he had personal experience with. He exhaled and lowered his gun, disarming it and holding it at his side.

Garrus moved the hand that was covering his face to match his other hand, pressed flat against the desk.

"I can't do this anymore," Garrus admitted, maybe more to himself than to Thane, as he looked down at the desk. "I lose every shred of self control when I see you two together. Reason, logic, common sense," he exhaled. "I have to get a grip. I can't let her see me like this."

"If it helps," Thane offered, settling into a more casual stance. "What is going on between Shepard and I is not what you seem to think it is."

"It's not," Garrus said, turning his head to look at Thane over his shoulder, his skepticism obvious in his tone.

"No. I will not deny my attraction to her, as it would be petty and unnecessary. Men finding a woman like Shepard alluring is about as surprising as the sunrise. But unlike the rest of the rabble, I will never care for Shepard the way I do for Irikah. And I have no intention, whatsoever, of being unfaithful to her."

"Wait…what? You've been going after Shepard at every opportunity."

"I suppose I cannot blame you for coming to that conclusion; I do enjoy the playful flirting that she and I settle into, but that is all it has ever been and all it will ever be. Besides, even if I did want her, there is no amount of effort I could exert that would convince her to want me in return."

"And why do you say that?"

"For a man with such superior eye sight, you certainly don't _see _very much."

Garrus narrowed his eyes, confused. "I don't follow."

"On Bekenstein, when we were assisting the sneak-thief with her heist…"

Thane usually only let himself slip into memories in front of Shepard, knowing that she appreciated the details they brought to light. But, in a way, this was also for Shepard. Thane exhaled as he allowed the memory to fill his senses, his eyes darting across the room as the images danced through his consciousness.

"_It's hard to make me blush," she says, walking down the metal corridor to the stairs. I put my hands behind my back as I observe her, taking note of the difficulty she seems to have descending the steps in the odd footwear. _

"_I suppose I am simply not trying hard enough," I say, looking to incite a reaction. _

"_Don't get your hopes up," she replies, smiling at me over her shoulder, her flame colored ringlets flowing freely down her back. _

"_Challenge accepted," I offer._

Thane stretched the side of his neck as the vision faded before taking note of the soft rumbling sound that seemed to now be filling the room. Garrus had now turned to face him, his arms crossed over his chest and his mandibles clicking in irritation.

"I remember," Garrus said, obviously not recalling it fondly.

"Ah yes. I had almost forgotten Kasumi's little trick. You likely saw many things you did not like that day."

"I certainly did."

"And yet," Thane continued. "You still miss what is important: I failed."

"Failed what? To make her blush? Of course you did. It's rare for _anyone _to make Shepard blush."

"Is it?" he asked with a grin. "It took exactly 35 seconds for you to do just that once you arrived on the scene."

Garrus remembered it. He remembered the gash on her cheek and how he had held her chin, like a parent scolding a child. He had run the memory over in his head several times since she had mentioned it, cursing himself for how it had helped in making her think he didn't respect her anymore. But now he saw new details; her cheeks and ears reddening as they filled with blood, her throat moving as she swallowed down her nerves.

"Let me say this, however," Thane continued, a predatory edge sharpening his tone. "You are not the only one on this vessel who cares for her. The disrespect you shown her today was unpardonable. You, who she treasures above all others. If I were _you,_ I would see to it that I _never _hurt her again, the way your actions today did."

Garrus didn't know what to say, since he refused to admit out loud that the drell was right.

He had received so much new information in the past 24 hours he felt like his brain would shut down from overload. How was he supposed to sort through it all and figure out what was fact and what was speculation, all while determining how to smooth out their _current _problems.

_One thing at a time, _Garrus thought as his eyes moved across the floor.

The two men stood there: Garrus with his arms crossed and glaring, Thane smiling with his hands linked behind his back. A few long, awkward, moments passed before Garrus finally spoke up.

"Do you want help cleaning up the glass?"

"Thank you," Thane said. "But I feel I have had enough unexpected company for one evening."

Garrus gave Thane a nod as he passed. Thane wondered if it was supposed to serve as thanks or as an apology, considering the turian offered neither. He watched Vakarian stalk out of the room and head straight for the elevator.

_Good, _Thane thought. _Perhaps now I may meditate. _

* * *

><p>Garrus tapped his foot as he rode the elevator up to Shepard's quarters, resolving himself to stop thinking about it; Shepard, Thane, feelings, all of it. He had to forget it all for now. He had plenty of time to figure it all out, but he was running out of time to fix their current problem. Everything else could take a back seat until he fixed this.<p>

When he stepped off the elevator, he couldn't help but smile as he heard Shepard laughing, almost hysterically, at something inside her chambers.

He loved when she laughed like that.

"Something funny?" he said as he stepped in.

"Oh shit," she cursed softly to herself. He came around the corner just in time to see her put something behind her back as she stood up from the couch. "Hey Ugly," she said.

"Hey, Bug," he said skeptically, tilting his head as he tried to figure out what she was hiding.

"What can I do for you?"

"You're going to pretend I don't know you're hiding something behind your back?"

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

Garrus smiled and cocked a brow plate. The knots in his stomach started to ease as they settled into their usual banter. If he was going to fix this problem, he knew he was going to have to let them just _be _them.

"Wait," Garrus said tilting his head up like he was listening for something. "What's that music?"

"I don't hear anything," she said quickly. Too quickly.

That's when he recognized it. His hand unconsciously went to the left side of his face where his visor should be, only then realizing he didn't have it on. He didn't even know how long he'd gone without it.

"Where did you get my visor?"

"A better question," Shepard said with a grin, removing it from behind her back and quickly placing it over her left eye. "Is why in the hell do you have that horrible song from Fleet and Flotilla on here?"

"It's the song that plays when they find each other again," he defended. "It's a very…pivotal part of the film."

"Oh god you are the most ridiculous person I know," she said as she laughed.

"It's a movie about two people shaking off the shackles society has set down for them and finding love in a war zone. I'm surprised you _don't _like it. _Everyone _likes that movie."

"I thought it was about a turian and a quarian."

"It is. Wait, have you not seen it?"

"I've been a little busy these past couple years."

"Ah yeah," he cleared his throat. "Well I'll make sure to find you a copy."

"Aren't you Mr. 'Stick-to-your-own-species'?" she taunted. "Were you speaking from experience then, Garrus? Have you had a round with one of the…softer races?"

"Well, no," he said, sinking back on his heel. "But I suppose it's something on my to-do list."

She laughed.

He thought the visor looked rather good on her, matching her hair like it did. He wondered why she stopped wearing her old one, only to figure out it probably got blown up with the Normandy.

"How did you even find my playlist?" he asked, approaching her like he was going to take it. "You can't read Palaven, can you?"

"Of course I can't read it. It looks like someone puked up noodles on the screen. I just fucked around on it and eventually the music started playing."

"Great," he said, holding a hand out expectantly. "You've probably screwed something up."

"Payback's a bitch, hmm?"

"Yeah, about that," he said, crossing his arms. "Are you going to apologize?"

"You'd better be kidding." She mimicked him and crossed her own arms, her brows knitting together in a sneer.

"Only half," he said as his smile eased away. "I admit that I've been wrong to address you in front of the crew like I have been. And I'll even concede that throwing you off the station was disrespectful and a little unnecessary, so I apologize for all of that. But that is all I will apologize for because those two things are the only things you were right about."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said, anger fully entering her tone now.

"I have _never _stopped respecting you, Shepard."

"Could have fooled me, _Vakarian_."

Now _Garrus_ was getting angry.

"How can you even _think _that? Shepard, there is no one in this _galaxy _I respect more than you. However, my respect has nothing to do with my desire to protect you and I will not apologize for that. It's that respect that keeps me from falling in line like the rest of the soldiers. I won't do it."

"Garrus if the crew see's you second guessing me; it's only a matter of time before they start too."

"I couldn't possibly care any less about the rest of the crew."

"You don't _care_?" she raged. "How can you say that to me?"

"Caring about everyone is _your_ thing, not mine," he said, pointing at her. "Anyone who hasn't figured out that not following your orders is fatal deserves what they get. Admittedly the way I've expressed myself in regards to your safety has gone a little astray, but the sentiment certainly hasn't. As long as your orders include leaving you behind to take one for the team, I will never stop disregarding them, because I will _never _stop protecting you."

"_Damn it, Garrus_" she sneered through her teeth, her jaw setting as she glared up at him. "I will _not_ let you _die_ for me!"

There it was. He hadn't realized it until that moment, like he hadn't realized so many things, but he realized it now. This whole problem, the truth behind all of her rage was revealed in those furious, fearful, words.

He took a step toward her and looked down into her face.

"You won't be able to stop me, Jane."

She opened her mouth to speak but he raised a hand to cut her off.

"Your altruism is admirable, but selfish," Garrus continued. "You would always rather take the bullets yourself than chance that you'll lose one of your people. Then when someone tries to do it for you, that's an unforgivable sin. You would rather _die_ than live with the knowledge that you couldn't save us."

"And what about it?" she snapped before rigidly turning away from him. "That's what a good leader does! That's how it's supposed to be. The Commanding Officer should always be willing to shoulder the pain so that their crew doesn't have to."

"What the _hell_ do you know about pain?" He growled, gripping her by the arm and forcing her to turn back around to face him. "Shepard, out of everybody _you _are the only one who has never felt what it's like to live in this galaxy without you."

He heard her heart start thrumming in her chest, watched her eyes look back and forth between his, saw the movement of her throat as she swallowed, felt the heat rising in her face. They were all reactions he had seen before, but for the first time, he saw them for what they were. He fought a very strong urge to lift his other hand and run his fingers along the length of her jaw. A fight he was failing as his hand had already gone half way, frozen in the air by her face.

_Don't' be a bloody dolt, _Zaeed had said. _You don't tell a woman you're in love with her while she's pissed at you._

Garrus had no idea what customs and practices for this kind of thing were for humans, and since Zaeed had Shepard's best interest at heart, he decided to take the advice. He moved his hand forward and opted to remove his visor from over her eye, as if that was his original intention.

"The last time you died," he said with an exhale, focusing his attention on stretching his visor back out to the right size. "Nothing made sense for the longest time. Spectre training, rebuilding the Citadel, it was all just… noise. You know I never condoned vigilante justice. Sure I would idly fantasize about it sometimes while filling out my thousandth report on the same damn thing, but as an ideal I was generally opposed. But once you were gone I…" he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I needed to _do _something. Not just patter around and pretend I was doing something. _Really_ do something, make a difference somewhere, practice what you always preached. Like if I… somehow could protect the innocents on Omega, your legacy would live on. Or maybe I was just coping, I don't know." He looked back up at her. "The point I'm trying to make is that I won't go through that again; I won't lose you twice in a lifetime. I don't think I could handle it."

There were a few long, torturous moments of silence as he watched the thoughts run through her head.

"Why, Garrus," she said, lilting back into her usual humor with an easy, albeit nervous, smile. "I didn't know you cared."

He saw that she was backpedaling, so he let her. Now wasn't the time and he knew it.

"Well," he said with a smile, putting his visor back in its rightful place. "That was your first mistake."

"And what was my second?"

"I'll let you know when you make it."

She laughed, and relief filled her face as she realized he wasn't going to press the issue. Garrus made note of it.

"So where's the one eyed geezer?" Garrus said, changing the subject. "Thought he was bunking with you."

"Oh Christ, I don't know," she said with a small laugh, walking past him. "Probably trying to shack up with Kelly Chambers or some damn thing."

"Well, maybe she will finally start leaving all the aliens alone."

"Jesus if that were the case I'd have done it myself."

"Don't tease me, Shepard."

They laughed.

"Well," he said before clearing his throat. "It's late and neither of us have slept yet. So I'll let you get to it."

"Yeah, good idea."

"We okay?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Yeah, yeah. Though, if you're going to insist on using your free insubordination chances, you're going to have to start picking your battles better."

"Noted. Falling off of a cliff: Good. Not jumping onto ship: Bad."

"Success! He _can _be taught!"

"Eat me."

He turned around and headed back to the door.

"Garrus," she said.

He stopped, closing his eyes and stretching his neck in an attempt to muster up a little more resolve before slowly turning around to look at her at the other end of the room. She had outstretched her hand like her need to stop him had been urgent, but slowly thought better of it and lowered it again.

"I'm sorry," she said, though he knew damn well that wasn't what she'd wanted to say.

"Me too," he said, smiling at her. "Goodnight, Jane."

"Goodnight, Garrus."


	45. Restless

_**Roarkshop Here: HOLY HANDIBLES! It's great to be back! I'm so happy to be posting again. Life is still pretty hectic but hopefully I can return to posting every Monday again. If I, for some reason, cannot post one week, I will update everyone via my facebook/twitter/blog/etc so if you want updates, find me on one of those sites. **_

_**As an exciting aside, my Beta Reader and I have decided to start a Beta Matchmaker blog. I get a surprising number of people either offering to beta for me, or asking me to beta for them. Since I can't do either of those, I came up with the idea of matching all of those people together and now KimDemon13 and I are running it together! The link to the website is on my profile page! If you need a beta or want to BE a beta, go check it out and maybe we'll have some fun together! ^_^**_

_**As always, your reviews, comments, and feedback are all read and taken to heart. I love you all and I'm so happy to be back. Can't wait to hear what you think of the chapter. **_

_**Lovelovelove**_

_**Roarkshop**_

* * *

><p>Garrus laid in bed, not doing a whole lot other than checking the time on his omni-tool every fifteen minutes. Four hours had already gone by since he left Shepard's room, but sleep was a fickle mistress and had made it perfectly clear she wasn't going to indulge him tonight. There was just too much in his head for sleeping to be a viable option in the short amount of time he had before the rest of the crew started to stir. Garrus kicked his blanket off, putting his arms over his head, closed his eyes, and took stock.<p>

Thane was no longer a problem, though he really should go into Life Support and replace his shelves. Who has glass shelves anyway? Maybe if he fixed them that would count as the apology Garrus knew he owed the drell, but was unwilling to vocalize.

That aside, Garrus had also managed to resolve the current conflict with Shepard.

Though, now that the two most prominent problems had been solved, that left him with a tangible ache to resolve the rest.

It was easy enough to _want _to believe that Shepard felt the same way about him. He had known for a while that she was physically attracted to him, though never thought it went any further than that. She had always said that blowing off steam wasn't worth potentially ruining their friendship.

And up until about five hours ago, he agreed with her.

He couldn't ignore the facts anymore; the way her heart would beat when he got close to her, the way her face would heat up and her ears would turn red. He had always thought that was him taking their playful flirting a little too far and making her uncomfortable, but that wasn't what it was. She wanted him, and now he knew it.

But would that be enough?

If she needed the stress release, which Garrus imagined she certainly did, he would sooner volunteer than see anyone else handle it; that was obvious enough. But if that's all it would be to her, like it had been with the many men in her past, what if it _did _alter their friendship? Was he willing to take that chance? What if she broke down again, and he couldn't be there to put her back together? What if he lost her again because he forfeited their friendship to spend the night with her?

He exhaled and ran the palms of his hands down his face.

Garrus couldn't take that chance. The only way he was going to jump off of this ledge was if she was jumping with him, not if it was a purely physical thing.

But, if nothing else, he was determined to find out and he was tired of wasting time dancing around her. The stakes were high, but certainly not higher than the suicidal task they had in front of them. He didn't get to tell her how much her friendship had meant to him the last time they were forced apart. Now that she meant even more to him, he couldn't allow himself to make that mistake twice. If he was going to die on the other side of the Omega 4, he was going to do it with no regrets.

Though, coaxing her into telling him where _she _stood on the subject might prove more difficult.

He sat up, pulled a shirt on over his head, and walked toward the elevator barefoot, deciding to go into the armory for a few hours to keep his mind busy. When he exited the elevator on the CIC, he saw Joker was already in the Cockpit and decided to see what he was up to.

"I know, EDI," Joker was saying, his hands flying over the screen. "But Shepard can handle it."

"Based on empirical evidence, she cannot," the AI chimed. "According to metabolic scans from her armor systems, her stress levels are higher now than they were prior to her psychotic breakdown shortly after reawakening."

"That was different," Garrus interjected.

Joker turned around to acknowledge Garrus with a tired nod.

"I do not see how," the AI continued. "Organics do not seem to cope well with high stress levels."

"It's not just about that, EDI," Garrus said. "What's causing the stress impacts how the organic reacts. Last time the stress was personal, it got in her head. This time it… well. Let's just say this is the kind of stress Shepard is used to."

"Yeah, EDI," Joker said. "This is what Shepard _does_."

There was a long silence before the AI spoke again. "I will reconsider my data points."

"You do that," Joker said, rubbing his eyes with his fingers before turning back to Garrus.

"Is EDI…_worried_ about Shepard?"

"I'd say yes if not for the whole…_artificial _intelligence thing. But she keeps giving me updates on Shepard's sleep patterns and stress levels like there's something I can do about it."

"Sleep patterns?"

"Yeah. She hasn't been sleeping much lately. She's awake right now, going over the systems analysis Donnelly did yesterday. Though I don't know what _I'm _supposed to do about it from up here."

"Looks like the ship's AI thinks you guys are going to be besties."

"Very funny. Why are you up so early?"

"More like _still_ up," Garrus said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Same here," Joker said, slouching against his chair. "EDI and I have been up all night trying to figure out this IFF."

"What's there to figure out?"

"Well, we know we need to integrate it with the Normandy before we go through the Omega 4 if we're going to pass through it safely. But the signatures on it are weird and I'm having trouble figuring out if it's even going to be compatible."

"Why not just install it and see if it works?"

"That's what I said! But Shepard says that's a last resort. I think adding Reaper tech into the Normandy has her on edge."

"Makes sense," Garrus said with an exhale. "Though I'm starting to think she's just stalling."

"I didn't even think of that," Joker said, looking up at the turian. "That's not exactly her style."

"The stakes have never been this high, Joker. Losing the entire crew is a very real possibility here. It's practically a suicide mission we're taking on. While that's never stopped her before, it's more than just her life on the line now. It's all of ours."

"True, but, I mean… God when you think about it, those were the stakes last time right?"

"Sure if she failed we were all dead, but only her, Tali, and I launched that Mako through the relay. And only we marched through the overturned Citadel and killed Saren. This time just going through the relay alone might kill everyone aboard. This time it's you, and Chakwas, and all the non-soldiers; the people who haven't signed on for action. The weight of the whole ship is on her shoulders."

"Yeah. EDI says she's been going through system reports every night for the past week."

"She's afraid none of us are coming back."

"I think that's what we're all afraid of," Joker sighed before cocking an eyebrow and looking back up at him. "Though, maybe it would lighten the load if I had something to come back to. Someone to come back _for_."

"Subtle."

"Fuck you, it's too late for subtle," he retorted, checking the time. "Or too early, whatever."

Garrus looked out into the void of space, leaning against the wall.

"I just barely managed to fix our last problem. I need a buffer before I introduce a new one."

"That sounds an awful lot like you intend on telling her."

"Yeah..." he said with an exhale. "I guess I do."

"Well how about that. Not such a pussy after all. What changed?"

"Everything."

Joker squinted, making a show of his confusion.

"Zaeed gave me a reality check," garrus clarified, shifting his weight. "It was about as gentle as a sledge hammer to the face, but it was effective."

"Well shit up my nose," joker said with a laugh. "It's about damned time."

* * *

><p>"Well, I'm glad you worked it out," Tali chimed, handing Garrus down a bolt gun. "I was beginning to worry about you two."<p>

"Come on, Tali," Garrus said, reaching up for the tool as he hung down into the engine by his legs. "If two years of her being dead doesn't ruin our friendship, my mild retardation certainly won't."

"Well I suppose that's a good point," she said, sighing as she rested her head on her hand. "Thanks for helping with this, Garrus. This is the last monitoring device in Engineering and I haven't been able to reach it."

"Not a problem," he said, bolting the panel back on and throwing pieces of the bug onto the ledge.

"Shepard keeps saying that the sooner I can get all the camera's and bugs off of the Normandy the safer we'll all be."

"Yeah Cerberus really has her on edge, despite all they've done to help our cause."

"Garrus, you _know _we can't trust them."

"Yeah I know, but having an ally with unlimited resources it… well," he fired the bolt gun a few more times before handing it back up. "It's a vigilante's dream come true."

"Hey Ugly!" Shepard bellowed over the speakers. "Where you at?"

"Engineering," he said as he continued to fix the engine.

"Garrus!" she said again, not having heard him. "Gaaaarrrrussssssss!"

"WHAT!" he shouted, using his grip on the railing to hoist himself back up onto the edge.

"Oh hey. Where are you?"

"I'm in Engineering helping Tali, you impatient thing. Why?"

"Oh. Sorry, Tali."

"It's alright, Jane."

"Anyway," she continued. "I'm in the process of turning on that geth we brought back. Just thought you'd want a heads up."

Tali and Garrus shared a concerned glance.

"Wait, Shepard, you're doing **what** now?" Garrus asked.

"That geth we brought back from the derelict reaper? I'm reactivating-"

[Shepard, Commander,] they heard in the background.

"Sweet," she said before the connection cut off.

Garrus and Tali scrambled to their feet and out of Engineering as quickly as they could.

"I knew it was going to be a bad idea to bring that…that thing on board," Tali said, folding her hands over each other.

"I don't know why I'm surprised," Garrus said, pressing the elevator button more times than he needed to. "She just can't help herself."

Tali laughed as they loaded onto the elevator and it started it's tortuously slow ascent.

"Ah this brings back memories," Tali said, lilting back on her heels. "Do you remember when you chastised me for my people letting the geth loose?"

"I'm uh," he cleared his throat. "I'm pretty sure that never happened."

"I have a recording of it, if you want to hear it."

"No," he said urgently. "Ugh, I hate the sound of my own voice on a recording. It never comes out right."

"Really?" she said, nudging him in the side. "I know a certain human who loves the sound of your voice."

His mandibles fluttered against the sides of his face and he pressed the command for the Crew Deck again.

"Most advanced technology in the galaxy," he grumbled. "And the elevator still moves like Mordin's trying to give Grunt a piggy-back ride."

Tali laughed.

When the doors finally opened, Garrus let Tali run ahead of him and they scrambled through the Mess Hall and Med Bay before charging through the doorway to the AI Core.

They both stopped in their tracks as Shepard appeared to be fist-bumping the geth.

"Hey guys," Shepard said, looking up at them with that grin of hers. "What's up?"

"Shepard," Garrus said, stepping in and smiling despite himself. "What in the hell are you doing?"

"Teaching our new team member to bro-fist!" She crowed, like one might for their child. "He's a fast learner!"

"Team member?" Tali asked.

"_He?_" Garrus asked.

"Yup! Legion, this is Garrus Vakarian, and Tali'zorah Vas Normandy."

[Acknowledged,] it bellowed. [This terminal is now called Legion.]

"You _named _it?" Tali said, getting angry.

"Actually, EDI named him."

"'It', Shepard. It's not a 'him'. It's an 'it'."

"Now, now. No reason to be mean, Tali."

[Creator Tali'zorah is correct,] Legion said. [Geth do not have differentiating genders.]

"You're not helping your case here, Legion."

"So," Garrus said, changing the subject. "Did you find out why it was on the Reaper?"

"Oh." Shepard said, looking up at him. "No. Should I have?"

"If not for that, why in the hell did you wake it up?"

"I dunno… it's a geth! A geth that knows my name!"

"Is that…" Tali approached the geth and scrutinized its chest. "Is that a piece of N7 armor it has on?"

"Huh," Shepard said as she turned to acknowledge it. "It is. Legion, why do you have an Alliance chest piece welded to you?"

It looked down at its chest in acknowledgement of the armor piece, then returned to looking at Shepard.

[It was…yours,] it said.

"Mine?"

[Affirmative.]

"That's not weird or anything," Garrus offered.

[When you disappeared,] it continued. [We were sent to find you. We began where you first encountered the heretics.]

"Eden Prime?"

"What are Heretics?" Garrus asked in a quiet aside, like he was trying to tell secrets in class.

"He said that there's two kinds of geth," Shepard clarified. "The ones that follow the Reapers and 'true geth' who oppose the Reapers."

"Oh."

"Go on, Legion."

[After the Old Machine's attack, Eden Prime was heavily defended. We were discovered. This is the impact of a rifle shot,] it said, gesturing to the hole through its chest.

"Why were you looking for me? What do the geth want with me?"

[You fought the heretics; the ones who hold the Old Machines as gods.]

"Uh…so?" Shepard gestured behind her at her companions. "So did these schmucks. And about a kazillion other people."

[We do not recognize 'kazillion' as an appropriate unit of measurement.]

"My point is that lots of people fought Sovereign and his heretics. So why do you need me?"

[You were the most successful. You killed their god. You succeeded where others did not… Your code… is superior.]

Shepard was silent for a moment while Garrus tried to gauge what she was thinking. Before he could figure it out, however, she had thrown her arms around the geth's neck and nuzzled her head against it.

"I. Love. This. Thing." She said.

Legion looked at Garrus. [We do not understand the desire for physical contact.]

"She's a hugger," Garrus helped.

[Acknowledged.]

"Jane," Tali said. "It's not a good idea to get attached to it. It's dangerous."

"Dangerous my ass! Look at him! He's got eyebrows and everything! How can you hate something with eyebrows? Look watch." Shepard stood back up and faced the synthetic. "Legion… do the thing with your eyebrows."

Sure enough, the geth seemed to raise its brow-plates curiously.

"Well I'll be damned," Garrus said. "He _does_ have eyebrows."

Tali helmet-palmed.

"That still doesn't explain why he has a piece of your armor on," she said.

"Oh right," Shepard said, clearing her throat. "Why did you use a piece of my armor to fix yourself, Legion?"

[There was a hole.]

"There, see, Tali? There was a hole."

"But why didn't you fix it sooner?" Tali demanded, pointing at it. "Or with something else?"

The geth's eye-plates waggled again, seemingly in contemplation.

[No data available.]

"Oh. I guess he doesn't know that one."

"I don't think we can trust it, Shepard."

"Udina said the same thing to me about you, Wrex, and Garrus, racist twat mongrel that he is. So you should know by now that other people's opinions usually don't sway me."

"But-"

"No buts, Tali. Until he proves untrustworthy, he can stay."

"Oh Keelah."

"Well, uh… Legion," Garrus said, trying to lighten the mood. "It's good to meet you I guess." He held his hand out to shake the geth's, but Legion fist-bumped him.

"No," Shepard corrected. "Open hand is a hand shake, closed fist is a bro-fist."

[Acknowledged.]

* * *

><p>Garrus stepped off of the elevator on the Crew Deck and heard Shepard saying goodnight to Miranda. He came around the corner, giving Miranda a polite nod as she made her way into her chambers. Shepard was in the kitchen making herself her usual cup of tea.<p>

"Oh," she said, catching him out of the corner of her eye. "Whats up? I thought you were in the Battery."

"And here you thought _Kasumi_ was the only stealth expert aboard."

"Don't forget Thane."

He scoffed. "I can't if you won't let me."

She laughed and shook her head. "Speaking of which," she continued. "Why did you make him new shelves? What happened to the glass ones?"

"They broke," he said after clearing his throat. "Who has glass shelves anyway?"

"Well that was nice of you to fix them for him."

"It was no big deal, I just re-sized the metal ones from the Battery and put them in. I wasn't using them anyway."

"Play dumb if you want, we all know what a big softy you are."

"Spare me 'grizzled-war-vet-with-a-heart-of-gold' speech."

[Shepard, Commander,] Legion's voice came over the speakers.

"Yeah, Legion," she said, moving to sit at the table.

[Requesting permission to exit the AI Core.]

"Granted, of course. I told you that you had free run of the ship didn't I?"

[Creator Tali'zorah informed us that we were not to leave this room without an escort.]

Shepard turned over her shoulder to give Garrus a disapproving eyebrow.

"I had nothing to do with it," he defended, putting his hands up.

"Well I'm the Commanding Officer, Legion, and I say you have free roam of the ship. If anyone tells you otherwise, refer them to me."

[Acknowledged.]

"But if someone doesn't want you in their work station, you have to respect that."

[Affirmative.]

"Very good then."

The geth strolled out of the Med Bay, and approached them.

[We would like to see if there is any assistance we can offer to the improvement of the Normandy's systems.]

"Well that is awfully nice of you, Legion."

[It is in our best interest that the Normandy be prepared.]

"What do you want to look at?"

[Our technical expertise may be able to improve the Weapon's Syst-]

"Don't even think about it," Garrus rumbled, coming up behind Shepard's chair.

Legion's brow plates waggled and he looked to Shepard.

"I'm afraid the Battery is Garrus' domain, so it's ultimately his decision."

[Acknowledged.]

"But," Shepard continued, looking up at Garrus. "I'm sure Garrus wouldn't mind giving you a guided tour sometime."

Garrus exhaled a disapproving breath. "Sometime," he said.

[We would be grateful.]

"But not now. Sometime as in some _other _time."

"Hey you know what you should do?" Shepard said, pretending to get excited. "You should go explore the Cockpit. Joker is always happy to give a tour and I'm sure he'd be glad to teach you the ropes."

[Acknowledged. We will seek out the pilot immediately.]

"Good. You kids have fun."

[Geth do not have children. We are essentially ageless due to-]

"Holy crap, just go!"

Legion paused, looked at Garrus, back to Shepard, and then headed into the elevator.

"Have I ever told you how evil I think you are?" Garrus asked.

She looked up at him with a grin. "Hey… it'll be entertaining if nothing else."

"Yeah we'll see."

"You gonna sit down? Or are you just going to stand there and judge me?"

"Well I was _planning _on going to bed."

"What? Bed? It's only…" she pulled up her omni-tool and checked the time. "Oh. Well shit."

"Yeeeah. That tea isn't exactly going to help you sleep either."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead," she said with a sigh. "Besides, I have to go over today's systems diagnostics still, so I'll probably be up for a while."

"What you _should _be doing is sleeping, Shepard."

"Yeah, alright, _mom._"

"Hey," he said, turning to lean on the table so he could face her. "I can see you struggling. You can't go through the Omega 4 like this. You need sleep."

"What do you know?"

He tilted his head at her as if to say '_Really?'_

"Yeah, alright fine," she said, conceding the point. She sighed and put her face in her hand. "After this thing with Legion tomorrow we're going back to the Citadel for leave. I'll sleep then."

"You'd better."

"Or what?"

"Or I will figure out a way to make you."

She laughed once, a breathy sound, as she let the quiet surround them again.

"It's almost time isn't it?"

"Yeah…" he said after a moment of silence. "Yeah it is."

She looked down into her tea and held her forehead in both hands.

"Hey," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "We'll be ready. You can't keep stressing yourself out over it."

"If I don't, who will? I'm responsible for them, Garrus. All their lives are depending on whether or not the Normandy is strong enough…" She sighed and sat back in her chair. "Or whether I'm strong enough."

"No one is stronger than you," he said simply.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because no one knows you like I do. Hell, Shepard. I know things about you that you haven't even _told_ me."

"That a fact?"

"It is."

"For instance?"

He crossed his ankles and sat back on the edge of the table, crossing his arms.

"Let's see… I know you sing in the shower."

"Oh Lord."

He smiled. "I know watching people eat repulses you."

A shiver went through her just thinking about it. "Yeah I'll give you that one."

"I know that you like to watch couples interacting with each other as you walk past them. I know that you tried to cut the Cerberus patches off your casuals but couldn't figure out how to do it without ripping a hole in them. I know that your right shoulder hasn't stopped giving you trouble since the Augustine." He looked down at his feet for a long moment, feeling how the moment seemed to sober, a heaviness weighing on the air around them. "I know that you hate the quiet because your mind will always wander to Ashley, or Jenkins, or Saren. I know that the rain makes you sad because it always reminds you of the night Deelia died."

He looked back up at her and met her eyes, a sadness filling them as she realized just how right he was. But there was something else there, a light behind them as she realized just how much attention he dedicated to her needs. Garrus smiled.

"_And_," he continued, lightening the mood. "I also happen to know that it's your birthday for another…" he pulled up his omni-tool. "Hour and fifteen minutes."

Her face brightened with her smile. "You knew."

"Of course I knew. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn't?"

"Well, thank you for not telling everyone."

"I know how much you hate when they fuss over you."

"Hah, yeah." She looked at him for a long moment, seemingly studying his face. "Thank you. For remembering."

"That's what I'm here for," he said, raising himself to his feet. He leaned down and put his hands on the arms of her chair before nuzzling the side of her face with his, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Happy Birthday, Jane."

"Thank you," she breathed before swallowing down her nerves.

He stood and turned to walk away, leaving a stunned Shepard in his wake. He smiled the entire walk back to the Battery, and he was still smiling when he settled onto his bunk for the night. He put his hands behind his head as he let his thoughts wander.

He had been a pessimist for so long, hope had become something he dreaded rather than embraced. But he was certainly embracing it now; lying in bed, relishing how her scent still lingered in the air.

For the first time since Garrus could remember, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	46. Bonding

**_Roarkshop Here: New monitor bought! Chapter finished! WOO! I'm afraid I won't be able to post for another two weeks after this chapter because I'm going to California for my Grandmother's 100th birthday. (100 years old holy jesus.) So no chapter for two weeks. But after that I should be able to return to my usual Monday updates! ^_^_**

**_Thank you to everyone who donated to help me buy a new monitor. The generosity of the readers completely knocked me on my ass and rejuvenated my spirit and drive to finish this story. I literally could not have done it without you guys, so thank you. I'm literally overwhelmed. _**

**_All feedback and support is appreciated and taken to heart. Visit my profile for all the ways to contact me if you want to do an icon for the story, or just to contact me and chat. Have a wonderful and SAFE three weeks, and I will see you all on the 23d of this month!_**

**_Me love you long time,_**

**_Roarkshop_**

* * *

><p>"That's what I'm here for," Garrus said, lifting himself onto his feet so he could lean over Shepard. He put his hands on the arms of her chair and leaned in, nuzzling the side of her face before giving her a small kiss. She felt the cold plates of his face against her cheek and fought to hide how her heart threatened to leap out of her throat. "Happy Birthday, Jane," he rumbled in her ear.<p>

"Thank you," was all she could think to say.

He stood, his mandibles clicking into his usual confident smile before turning to walk away. She tried to think of something clever to say, or even something stupid, but nothing came.

Shepard just watched him as he sauntered back into the Battery. He didn't turn around to look at her, which she was grateful for since she found herself unable to peel her eyes off of him. She put her hand on her cheek where he had kissed her, and realized she had a goofy smile plastered on her face. Once he disappeared behind the Battery doors she released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding and slouched down in her chair.

_Damn him,_ she thought, running her hands down her face. He had been laying the flirting on rather thick lately, and it was getting harder and harder not to get her hopes up. She was fully aware that the most likely cause was stress and not a genuine attraction to her, but the thought hung in the back of her mind, refusing to let her shake it off. She kept reminding herself that once he got the chance to blow off some steam that things would go back to normal. Suddenly, last minute shore leave didn't seem like that great of an idea anymore.

Still, he had never kissed her face before. Since it was likely that nothing would come of it, she stared down into her tea and just let herself enjoy the feeling for a while. The tingling in her feet, the thrumming of her heart in her ears, the heat in her face; it was all so unfamiliar. Though, it didn't last long before she started getting realistic again.

_You can't go through the Omega 4 like this. You need sleep,_ he had said.

She exhaled and put her elbows on the table, leaning into her hands. He had seen right through her, like he always did. But what was better? Sleep rattled by nightmares or no sleep at all? She figured either way she wasn't resting, and at least while she was awake she could trick herself into thinking she was being productive. But if it was getting to the point where Garrus was bringing it up, maybe it was worse than she thought.

No, she had to check the systems analysis from the prior day. But she promised herself that once she did that, she would attempt to sleep.

"God damn it, Shepard!" Jokers voice shrieked over the speakers. "You'd better have a damn good reason for sending the talking trash-can into my Cockpit!"

Shepard laughed and stood up. Maybe she'd make a stop to the Cockpit first.

* * *

><p>The next morning Garrus heard Joker give Shepard the five minute warning as they came up on the heretic station, and very shortly afterward heard Shepard's familiar gait approaching his door. He turned to lean on the console, preparing to address her, but she stopped just outside. Garrus tilted his head, wondering what she was waiting for, when he heard her turn around and start to walk away.<p>

He opened the door from his console.

"Shepard," he said with a smile. "Need me for something?"

Shepard's shoulders tensed as she turned around, looking an awful lot like a child who got caught stealing from the cookie jar, before regaining her composure.

"Hey Buddy," she said with a cough. "How you doin?"

"This looks like it's going to be bad news."

"It's not … _bad _news. It's just… ya know...news." She clapped her hands together nervously as she stepped into the Battery.

"You're not bringing me onto the station," he helped.

"No," she winced. "I'm not."

"It's okay, Shepard," he said with a chuckle. "I figured as much."

"What? You did?" She perked up and the tension started to ease from her shoulders.

"Yeah. I mean Legion's a sniper, so having both of us would be problematic. On top of that, it's a ship full of geth, Tali is the smarter choice. I will actually feel safer knowing she's going to be with you. If it turns out Legion is actually a bad guy, Tali will be able to straighten him out before I'd even know what was going on."

"Exactly!" Shepard said, beaming that warm smile of hers at him. "Phew, that's a relief. I thought we were going to have another tango before I left."

"Not a chance, _Commander_," he said, lifting himself up off the console. "I've learned my lesson."

Once she was fully in the room he reached his hand over and manipulated the command to shut and lock the door behind her. He knew better than to do this when the crew could see them. She looked over her shoulder, seemingly confused by the fact that the door shut, and before she could turn back around to look at him, he had grabbed her by the arm and pulled her past him. Her back slammed onto the surface of his console, making it beep a few times. She struggled out of instinct.

"What the hell do you think-" Her words failed her once they made eye contact and she saw the utter severity in his face. He pressed his hands onto the screen of the console on either side of her head, leaning over her.

"However, let me make one thing perfectly clear," he growled. "If you come back to this ship knocking on death's door again, I will _personally_ disassemble our newest crew member piece by piece until he is an unrecognizable heap of nuts and bolts, and blast his _sorry_ synthetic ass out of the airlock, do you understand?"

Her eyes widened and her heart throbbed in her chest. She swallowed down the emotion welling up in her, and Garrus smiled as he watched her nod silently at him, more stunned than anything else. He relaxed a little and moved to comb a stray curl behind her ear with his nail. Her scent started swirling around him and his mandibles clicked in anticipation.

_Keep it together, _he told himself, trying to ignore how her heart was pounding.

"Good, then," he said, taking her by the arm and lifting her back up. He pulled her past him again so that she was in the exact same position she had been in when he had shut the doors.

He leaned back on his console and opened the door again, crossing his ankles casually and smiling at her. To an outsider, it looked like she hadn't moved at all.

"Don't have too much fun without me," he teased.

She shook her head like she had been waking up from a dream and she cleared her throat. Once she realized that he had been teasing her, that same infuriating smirk played across her face.

"Don't worry, Ugly," she said as she turned to walk away. "I'll be back before you miss me."

"Doubtful," he said.

She stopped and turned her head a bit before shaking it off and continuing to walk away. She scratched the back of her head as she turned the corner for the elevator.

She had to be figuring it out by now.

Once she was out of sight, he closed the Battery door and turned to lean his hands on the console with a long, slow exhale. If his advances frustrated her even a fraction of the amount they were frustrating him, this was going to be an interesting few days. He had already promised himself that he was going to tell her before the Omega 4. That meant that if he was going about this wrong, he was quickly running out of time.

While his attempts would certainly have been working on a turian woman, he realized he had no idea what human courting rituals were. Maybe he wasn't even sending her the right signals at all. If he was going to go for it, he was going to need more information from someone familiar with it.

This was not going to be a fun conversation.

* * *

><p>Shepard, Tali, and Legion boarded onto the Shuttle to head to the heretic station, though Shepard wasn't exactly paying attention.<p>

"I hope this doesn't end up backfiring on all of us," Tali said. "I still don't think we can trust this thing."

"…yeah," Shepard said.

Tali looked at Shepard for a long moment. "I also hope the Admiralty Board doesn't hear about this."

"…Mmmhmm."

"I'm also thinking about becoming a table dancer on Illium."

"…Yeah…. Wait what?"

Tali laughed. "I knew you weren't paying attention."

"Yes I was. You don't trust Legion. I heard you."

"Alright well, you seem….distracted."

"I think," Shepard inhaled and shook her head. "Ah, never mind."

"What?"

"I'm kinda thinking Garrus was just flirting with me."

"Jane, you and Garrus are _always_ flirting."

"Yeah but… I don't know he's been laying it on kind of thick lately."

"What…are you complaining?"

Shepard laughed and moved her hand to grip the handle on the ceiling, trying to keep her balance as the shuttle moved toward the station.

"Hardly," she said. "But it's getting exponentially more difficult to hide how much I like it."

* * *

><p>Garrus grimaced as he watched the three pinkish piles of meat and bone contort and gyrate around each other in an ungraceful mess of sweat and shame. He felt the urge to watch through his fingers like his sister did as a child when they went to see a horror vid. Spirits it was a gruesome scene. He didn't even understand what was going on. It went from a Commanding Officer needing his shotgun polished and his two female recruits being happy to oblige, and now there were limbs tangled around each other and a horrifying amount of fake moaning that almost sounded like the women were being murdered. Is that what ecstasy sounded like to humans? How was this supposed to be sexy? He couldn't even tell where one human ended and another began.<p>

"Zaeed," Garrus said, shifting uncomfortably. "This isn't exactly what I meant when I asked you to explain human mating rituals to me."

"Oh, come on," Zaeed said before taking a swig of his beer. "This is _Cocked and Loaded_! It's a goddamn _classic_."

Garrus averted his eyes. "Be that as it may, I know how sex works. I was referring to human courting customs, not…" Garrus waved an uncomfortable hand at the screen. "This."

"What's there to know? You buy her flowers or candy and give them to her. I imagine it'll go something like…" Zaeed put on the most flamboyant voice he could. "Hey there, I'm gorgeous, you're gorgeous, let's go back to your place and stare at each other."

Garrus raised an incredulous brow plate at Zaeed, who had frozen with a grin on his face as if he was pausing for laughter. When he realized there wasn't going to be any, he scoffed and slouched against the chair.

"Why is it," he said as he clicked the video closed, "that I have to be the one to give you dating pointers?"

"Because you're the one who convinced me to take the chance in the first place. Also, you know Jane better than anyone else so…"

"If I would have known you were going to make me hold your hand I might not have done it at all."

"Well, that will teach you to involve yourself in my affairs."

"Maybe if you would quit nursing your booze like a queer, you'd stop over-thinking everything."

Garrus looked down at the beer in his hand, still full; but mostly warm at this point.

"I suppose if you hadn't turned my stomach upside down by showing me home movies from my personal nightmares, I might not have lost my appetite for liquor."

Zaeed scoffed. "As if you can handle your liquor at all."

"This coming from the man in the room with only one liver?"

"You may have two livers but you're still a light-weight twat."

"Please, Old Man. I've drank more worthy men than you into a coma."

"I'd like to see you try, you spikey nuisance."

"Is that a challenge?"

"And what if it is?"

* * *

><p>When the ground team finally returned from the heretic station, Garrus and Zaeed were each a few bottles in as they sat across from each other in the abandoned Mess Hall. Their lovely back and forth of insults and swears was interrupted by a commotion coming out of the elevator. Garrus turned around in his chair and Zaeed leaned on his elbow as they tried to figure out what all the shouting was about.<p>

"Jane, I trusted you," Tali was shouting. Her hands were flailing in nonsense gestures as she marched after Shepard. Legion, who was being dragged by Shepard by the hole through its chest, was seemingly confused as it followed along. Tali continued to shout as they marched toward the Med Bay. "I agreed to work with this stupid thing on the team, and I even stood silently by as you re-wrote an entire army of my people's greatest enemy to join forces with it! You can't let it get away with this!"

Before they could hear anymore, the three had disappeared into the Med Bay, and then the AI Core.

"I take it the mission went smoothly then," Zaeed said with a smirk.

"Yyyeeeeeahhh." Garrus turned back around and stood, putting his hands flat on the table. "I should probably go…help."

He shook his head out to fight the slight onset of dizziness that hit him from standing. He must have been tired, he hadn't drank _that _much.

Garrus stepped into the empty Med Bay and leaned on the wall of the AI Core, listening to Shepard shout through the metal.

"God damn it, Tali," she roared. "If your people had been doing that shit to humans you bet your perky purple posterior that I'd have given a full report to the Alliance. You are going to have to come to terms with the fact that the geth aren't just machines anymore. Your people attacked and they defended themselves. In my book you guys are the bullies in this story."

"I know, I know. And we can entertain thoughts of peace later. If it's allowed to download this data and send it back to the geth…the repercussions would-"

"Yeah," Shepard said with an exhale. "We'd have another war on our hands. Is that what you want Legion? Do you want your people to go to war with the creators?"

[We do not wish for war,] Legion said. [But our people deserve to know of the creator threat.]

"And then what? What happens when the Old Machines come back to annihilate all of us and both your people and hers are weakened from the _first _war?"

There was a long silence.

[Probability of defeating Old Machines lessoned.]

"Exactly. I don't need you two to like each other, but god damn it, I need you to get along. We are all in this together, do you understand? Sooner or later you are both going to have to stop fighting this war with each other, so we can fight a war _together_."

Silence again.

[To facilitate unit cohesion, we will not transmit data regarding creator plans.]

"Really?" Tali said, sounding rather surprised. "I… Thank you… er…Legion." She cleared her throat, and Garrus thought he heard the sound of a gun disarming. "I do understand your intention. Could I maybe… I have some non-classified data you could send them. Can I give you that?"

[We would be grateful.]

"See there?" Shepard said, heading out of the room. "Two down, about _a bazillion _to go."

"Now," Garrus interrupted, leaning on the door frame still. "If you could only figure out how to make the _Reapers _agree to peace, I'll make a crown for you."

"Garrus!" She said, her face lighting up with her smile. "Just the man I was looking for." She held her arms out to her sides and turned three hundred and sixty degrees to illustrate her wellness level. "Look! Not a scratch on me. No one has to get disassembled."

"Very impressive," he cooed. "Though even if you had, I might have just had Tali take care of it."

"Ah yeah. On the way back she caught Legion scanning her omni-tool and-" she stopped short and wrinkled her nose up at him. "Have you been drinking?"

"I uh," he stood up straighter. "I haven't…_not_ been drinking."

"Christ crackers, you _reek_, Garrus. How many have you had?"

"Not enough to forget how absolutely amazing I am."

She laughed, tossing her head back and putting a hand on her stomach. Even through the smudges of gunpowder and ash, her face came alight with the sound.

"I like that I can make you laugh like that," he said, only then realizing he had said it out loud. "Erm, because you don't laugh like that very often."

"I think you might have had a few too many."

"Please, Shepard. You know I never drink enough to compromise myself… well, unless we've just killed Sovereign and you get me to dance, though I'm still skeptical that even happened."

"I really should have gotten pictures or something," she said with a smirk, sinking back into her hip. "So what was the big occasion?"

"I'll tell you the occasion," he said, pointing out the Med Bay window at the Mess Hall. "Your stupid…one-eyed… pretend _dad _thinks he can drink me under the table, that's what. Vakarians don't back down from a challenge; especially not when liquor is involved."

"Z?" She said, raising an entertained brow. "You're trying to out-drink **Z**?"

"Yeah… Old gizzard can certainly put it away, though. But I think I'm wearing him down. I've never met a human I couldn't take."

"Garrus… Oh, man."

"What?" He said, eyeing her up and down.

"Come with me," she said, turning on her heel and heading out of the Med Bay. Garrus managed to follow her easily enough, stopping at the first table in the Mess Hall and leaning on it.

"Hello, Red," Zaeed said. "Smooth sailing, I-?" Before he could finish she snatched the bottle out of his hand. "Oi! Give that back," he shouted as he stood.

She waved the mouth of the bottle under her nose and shook her head.

"This is apple juice. There's no liquor in it."

"There…what?"

"Look at him," Shepard said, smacking the merc in the shoulder. "He can't even imagine that you're so underhanded."

"Well that makes him gullible on _top _of stupid."

"Garrus, Zaeed's cheating. Zaeed's _always _cheating."

"Why you… yellow…_dick!"_

"What can I say?" Zaeed boasted, sinking back and crossing his arms. "I don't like to lose."

"Winning by cheating isn't winning," Garrus protested.

"Whatever you say, Shit-For-Brains."

"You," Garrus said, pointing a stray, but threatening finger at Zaeed. "You're lucky Shepard likes you or I'd… I'd… go to bed. And kick your ass in the morning."

"Well I had to shut you up somehow," Zaeed defended. "Can't watch a decent porno with you jabbering on like a ponce."

"Wait…what?" Shepard said. "You two were watching porn?"

"Uh, correction;" Garrus said, raising an urgent finger. "_He_ was watching porn. I just happened to also be in the room."

"_Call of Booty_?" Shepard asked.

"_Cocked and Loaded_," Zaeed corrected.

"Oh, that's a classic!"

"You two are just… I don't even…"

"Come on, Big Guy," Shepard cooed, holding out her hand. "Time to sleep it off."

Garrus put his hand in hers and let himself be lead toward the Battery, completely forgetting about Zaeed and his foul play.

"Big guy," he rumbled. "So you think I'm big, do you?"

"You kind of _are _big, Garrus."

"Damn _right _I'm big."

She laughed and pushed two fingers against his chest, forcing him to sit on his bunk.

"Do you need help undressing," she teased, sinking into a hip.

"As much as I'd love to say yes just to get you to undress me; no. I'm not actually that drunk."

"This certainly isn't the most drunk I've seen you."

He laughed a little and looked up at her.

"I don't think I've danced _since_ then. If indeed I _did _dance."

"We danced on Omega," she countered.

"You could hardly call that dancing. You were more flailing. And I was just trying not to touch all the sticky women."

She laughed a little. "Alright smart ass, I guess I haven't danced since we killed Sovereign either."

He exhaled a disapproving breath through his nose. "Also not true. You danced with Thane. In a dress." He then realized he wasn't supposed to know that. "I heard about it from the gossip brigade."

"Ah yeah," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "But you can't count that. That was for work. There was no whimsy."

"None?"

"Totally Whimsy-less."

"Good." He reached out and took her hand, still looking up at her like a child being tucked into bed. "After we go through the Omega Four; after we come back, alive and victorious, dance with me again."

She smiled affectionately and lifted her other hand to take his visor off of his face.

"Deal."

The moment hung in the air for much longer than it probably should have, and Garrus knew he needed to sleep before he did something stupid.

"Well," he said, releasing her hand and turning to lie down. "Now that we've settled that, I'll ask you to excuse me, for I have some revenge to plot."

Shepard laughed and turned to leave the room.

"Sweet dreams, Garrus."

"They certainly will be."


	47. Shoreleave

_**SURPRISE CHAPTER! WOO!**_

_**Roarkshop Here: Because I got such an ADVERSE reaction to taking a break, I have decided to come back, but only post every OTHER Monday. No it's not my usual regular updates, but it's the best I can do. At least it's not another Hiatus right? Right. **  
><em>

**_So you can expect regular updates again, but until further notice they will be once every two weeks rather than every week. I know that kind of sucks and it's not what I originally promised, but it's all I can guarantee for now. Unless you want me to start posting unedited crappy chapters...CRAPTERS if you will, then this is the best I can do while still ensuring the chapter quality. _**

**_I didn't get to respond to any comments/reviews personally last week, which I hate. So I will try to respond to everyone this week. Again, let me remind you that they are all read, loved, and taken to heart. Thank you very much. _**

**_On with the show!_**

* * *

><p><em>Alright, <em>Shepard told herself, staring through the window on her ceiling. _If you fall asleep now, you can sleep for two hours before you have to get up. So just… sleep. _

She tossed and turned for another twenty minutes before letting forth a string of curses and flinging the covers off herself. She made her way to her desk, tying her hair into a slap-dash knot and collapsing into her chair.

_Come on, Shepard, _she said to herself, leaning her elbows on the desk and putting her face in her hands. _You're out of time. Get your shit together. Remember what happened last time._

She rested her forehead in one hand and used the other to fondle Garrus' visor around her neck idly. There was nothing else to do; the crew's business had been taken care of, there were no more upgrades she could find, and no more missions to stumble upon. She laughed to herself, finding the irony that she only now started missing Hackett and his constant interruptions now that she was actively avoiding her duty.

But it was time. She knew it was time.

She clicked her way through her messages, absently. They had sat neglected for months. Most of them didn't even warrant replies; colonists thanking her for her assistance, Admiral Xen ranting off some nonsense in regards to Tali's trial, Bailey and some update on Kolyat. That was all her exhausted brain could really find the energy to care about.

Shepard let her head fall onto the desk with a loud '_thud_' before exhaling a frustrated breath. She linked her fingers through the back of her hair and squeezed as hard as she could, hoping the small pain would distract her from the impending shit storm that awaited them all.

_We're ready, _she told herself. _We've done all we can. We can do this. We can __**do **__this. _

She wondered if she said it enough times she would finally believe herself.

"Goddamn, shit, fuck!" Zaeed cursed, tossing his cards onto the table in a huff as Garrus took his money. "You're a goddamn swick or I'm a monkey's uncle."

"Right? I've never seen anything like it!" Kenneth confirmed. "He's either a chanty wrassler or the luckiest slag in the galaxy. His old man was the same way!"

"Alright, holy crap," Garrus said, sinking back in his chair. "You two shouldn't be allowed to talk to each other because I can't understand anything either of you say."

"What are you playing?" Shepard asked as she came around the corner. Garrus noted the dark rings around her eyes and kept his gaze on her as she made her way into the kitchen. She crashed around the cabinet before finally pulling out a mug and pouring herself some coffee.

Coffee.

"We started on Hold 'em," Zaeed exhaled as he leaned back. "Now we're on Skillian Five and he's still taking me to the goddamn cleaners."

Shepard laughed to herself as she filled up a mug and turned to face them all.

"Alright well Kenneth is kind of thick," she said. "But Z, I'm disappointed you haven't figured this out yet."

Zaeed put an arm over his chair and turned to look at her over his shoulder.

"What are you on about now, woman?"

"He's a turian, Z. He can hear your heartbeat."

Zaeed flung around and stood, planting his palms on the table. "Why you numpty, pillock, motherfucker!"

"It makes so much sense," Kenneth said, staring absently in no specific direction, both hands on his head like a hysterical bystander. "_It makes so much bloody sense!"_

"Ah, revenge," Garrus said, linking his fingers behind his head. "So sweet and yet so brief."

"I should kick your spikey ass into the goddamn trash compactor."

"I'd like to see you try, Captain Depth Perception."

"Alright, children," Shepard said making her way back toward the elevator. "Enough bickering. We'll be at the Citadel in two days and we can all shake off the cabin fever."

"Ah shore leave," Jacob said, sitting at the next table. "It's about time."

"Yeah enjoy it. It may be our last," Shepard said, before disappearing around the corner and loading herself onto the elevator.

"Whoa," Jacob said to himself as he stood to leave. "Touchy subject I guess."

Zaeed stood up straight and crossed his arms, still looking in the direction Shepard had left in.

"Well that was unusually grim," he said.

"She didn't sleep," Garrus said as he stood. "Something's wrong."

"Wrong like 'impending doom' wrong?"

"I don't know," he confirmed. "Honestly, I hope that's all it is." With a sad exhale Garrus turned and walked toward the Battery. He had work to do. "Take your money," he said as he walked away. "I didn't want it in the first place."

Zaeed watched the distance between them grow before exhaling and gathering his money back up from the table.

"Christ," he grumbled to himself. "I think I've had my fill of angsty bullshit for a goddamn lifetime."

* * *

><p>"Careful with that," Garrus said, batting Legion's hand away. "This is all very delicate work. I don't need you screwing it up." The entire day and evening had passed with Shepard never having come down from the CIC. It was an understatement that his concern for her was making him a little irritable.<p>

[We do not understand your desire to re-calibrate the weapon systems. We have confirmed that they are running at maximum efficiency.]

"Maximum isn't always good enough," Garrus said, gently tweaking the hinges behind the side panel of the Thanix Canon.

[Maximum is, by definition, the best that can be achieved.]

"Everything can be made better, Legion. You just have to know where the weaknesses are."

The geth was silent for a few moments.

[We doubt the validity of this statement. More data points are required.]

"Well, let me know when you find some."

[Acknowledged. What are aforementioned weaknesses with the Thanix Cannon?]

"Well the power drive is wearing down a spot on this wall here, see?"

The geth leaned in and waggled its brow plate in contemplation.

"But I don't know if there's anything we can do about it for now besides just reinforcing the steel. If we move it, the efficiency will suffer."

[What use is knowing the weaknesses if there is no way to fix them?]

"Sometimes it's just about checking your work. It's a peace of mind, thing. You wouldn't understand."

[That is because geth do not have 'pieces' of minds. We have a collective knowledge base.]

"No not that kind of piece, Legion. I mean I'm making myself feel better by re-checking."

Contemplative silence.

[You will become at ease if you know that you have done all you could.]

Garrus exhaled. "Something like that."

"Hey," Joker said, poking his head in the doorway. "Garrus you in here?"

"Yeah," Garrus said, taking his head out of the side panel and reaching for a cloth, relieved for the distraction. He pointed a finger into Legion's flashlight face. "Don't touch anything."

[Acknowledged.]

"What's up, Joker?" he asked, wiping his hands on the rag and making his way down the Battery to the door.

"I was about to turn in and… well. You got a minute?"

"Sure," he said, tossing the rag to the side and following Joker out of the room.

Garrus followed Joker silently, wondering where they were going as they loaded into the elevator.

"Getting along with the new crew member I see?" Joker teased.

"As well as I can. Shepard seems to have fallen pretty hard for the thing so I'm trying to be patient." He exhaled. "Though we'll see how long that lasts."

"I thought Mordin was bad. This thing wheels into my god damn Cockpit last night, and he and EDI proceed to rattle off systematic bullshit at each other. Shit, man, I thought my ears were going to start bleeding."

Garrus laughed as the elevator doors opened on the CIC and he followed Joker out.

"We confirmed how to fit the IFF into the Normandy systems," Joker continued as he walked through the armory, "and the grave crew and I are going to test it when you're all at the Citadel tomorrow. I had already stayed up a lot later than I had intended so I was going to go to bed until EDI gave me another random update on Shepard."

Joker opened the door to the Comm. Room.

"Considering the circumstances though, I don't think I'm the right man for the job."

Shepard had fallen asleep at the desk: The holo-screen had the ship's systems on it, rotating the three-dimensional model to a less-than-engaged audience. There were data pads scattered all across the desk, a few on the floor, and even one in her hand that was resting over the back of her head like it was shielding her from the florescent lights.

Garrus smiled, leaning a shoulder on the door frame and crossing his arms. Regardless of the location, it was good to see her asleep.

"Well," Garrus rumbled softly. "At least she's sleeping, I guess."

"Hah, yeah. I figured if I woke her up to get her to bed, she would wave me off and say she had work to do. I figured you'd be able to… you know…" Joker flailed his arms. "Relocate her."

Garrus laughed once before patting Joker on the shoulder.

"I'll take care of it," he said. "Thanks, Joker."

"No problem, Buddy," Joker said, lingering just long enough to watch Garrus run his hand down Shepard's hair before limping back down the hallway with a smile.

Garrus exhaled through his nose, moving Shepard's hand that was draped over her head back onto the table, and taking the data pad out of it. He ran his fingers through her curls, just watching her sleep, and trying to figure out how in the hell he was supposed to move her without waking her up, when something caught his eye. He moved the data pad it was hiding under to find his old visor, still on a chain, still around her neck, resting on the table.

_Well I'll be damned, _he thought, picking the trinket up and thumbing it over in his hand. He wondered idly if she had been wearing it since he put it on her neck those months ago. How had he not seen it? Maybe she was going out of her way to make sure he didn't. Either way, the sight of her wearing it made his chest throb.

They were almost to the Citadel. Maybe shore leave would present him with his chance.

He dropped the necklace and lifted her arm up, bending down to drape it around his neck before working one arm under her legs and the other around her shoulders and lifting her against his chest. She stirred a little in his arms but, thankfully, didn't wake as he made his way back to the elevator and up to her cabin. As he exited the elevator he couldn't stop himself from nuzzling the side of her head, inhaling the scent of her hair as he walked.

She felt _good _in his arms.

He lowered her onto her bed, with no small amount of reluctance, before standing and looking down at her. The blue light of the fish tank reflected off her skin, making her face almost glow in the light. She murmured something in her sleep that he couldn't quite make out. He laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear before standing to leave. He didn't even take a step before her hand had snatched his. He exhaled and closed his eyes; he needed to get out of here.

"Hey," she groaned. "Did we win?"

Garrus turned over his shoulder to look down at her and blinked. "Win? Win what?"

"The race."

"Uh…" he bit down a laugh. "Sure. Yeah we won."

"Good," she said, letting her head fall back onto her pillow. He tried to pull his hand out of hers so he could leave, but she held onto it. "Stay," she said softly.

"No," he said. "Shepard, I'm going to bed."

"Please?" her eyes opened to slits, but focused on him through the darkness. "Just until I fall back asleep."

His jaw set hard. Her soft fingers squeezed his palm.

"Fine," he said with a frustrated exhale, reaching one arm to pull the reclining chair next to the bed and sitting in it. "But hurry it up will you?"

Her eyes rolled as she closed them again, but a tired, sincere smile tugged at the side of her lips.

Garrus leaned his elbows on his knees, sighing as he looked at her hand in his.

Maybe she was doing it on purpose. Maybe this was her torturing him because of his feeble attempt at it in the Battery the night before. The screen of his old visor glinted in the darkness and he exhaled, running his free hand down over his face.

_Spirits, give me strength to get the hell out of this room._

* * *

><p>Shepard stretched her arms over her head and pointed her toes in a rather satisfying stretch before realizing that she was in bed.<p>

"…The fuck?" she stammered tiredly, sitting up on her elbows and peering around the room in a drowsy stupor. How in the hell did she get into her cabin? Did she sleep walk here? No wait, the last thing she remembered was going over the upgraded systems analysis for something like the trillionth time. Then it just went blank.

She ran her hand down her face and sat up, hitting her knee on the reclining chair next to her.

"Agh, god damn it," she cursed. "EDI turn the god damn light on."

The lights came up and Shepard noticed the chair was much closer to the bed then it should have been. That's when the foggy images came to her; Garrus trying to leave and her groggily asking him to stay.

"Oi," she said to herself, rubbing her eyes. Sleep deprivation never failed to prove how dangerous it was. She kept trying to tell herself that she had dreamt it but the chair very rudely refused to go back to its normal place, which kind of stomped that theory right down into the shitter. God. Damn it.

Maybe shore leave would help her regain a little bit of her common sense before she did anything else detrimental to her private life.

* * *

><p>"Garrus," Jacob said by way of greeting, leaning on the bar beside the turian. "Where's our fearless leader?"<p>

"Meeting with Anderson," he replied, turning to stand shoulder to shoulder with Jacob. "And saying goodbye to Zaeed, I'd wager."

"Goodbye? I thought he was coming with us."

Garrus shook his head as he took a drink of his beer. "No," he said. "I think when he realized just how real the Reaper threat was he decided that he needed to prepare the Alliance."

"Ah," Jacob said with an exhale. "I suppose someone's going to need to carry the banner when we don't come back."

"Knock that off," Garrus growled. "Shepard will bring us home. If you don't believe that by now..."

Jacob laughed. "Well I believe that if anyone can, it's her."

"Maybe that'll be enough."

"One can only hope."

"Jacob," Miranda cooed as she approached. "I believe you still owe me a drink from kicking your sorry ass at cards."

"Thought you would have figured out by now that I lost on purpose," he taunted.

"Maybe I already have," she said, sinking into a hip.

"Well," Jacob said, clinking Garrus' beer with the neck of his own. "In that case I'll ask you to excuse me."

Garrus laughed and gave the soldier a make-shift salute before watching them walk away. He scanned the floor of Purgatory, picking out his squad-mates to make sure nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Shepard had told him to keep them all in line and make sure no one got "shit-housed". But looking around the club, Garrus knew he wasn't going to have to regulate anyone. They all knew what they were up against; they all knew they needed to keep it together.

Hopefully Garrus could follow their example.

"Well holy shit," a vaguely familiar voice lilted from the side. "If it isn't Garrus 'Miles-away' Vakarian."

That was a name he hadn't heard in quite a long time.

"Yillis 'Stretch' Strixen," he rumbled turning to look at the girl. "It's been a long time."

"It certainly has," she said, taking his forearm in her hand in a friendly greeting. "I haven't seen you… hell… since we served on the Artamek."

"What is it, eight years now?" he said with a smile. "You look good."

"Wish I could say the same to you," she said with a laugh. "Spirits, what in the hell happened to your face?"

"Gunship rocket," he said, clearing his throat and shifting his weight. "Not to be taken lightly."

"You always did learn lessons the hard way."

"Understatement of the century, that."

They laughed.

"Last I heard," the girl said, leaning a talon on the bar. "You had disappeared off the map after that shit-storm on the Citadel. Good to see you resurface."

"Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Can't stay underground forever, I suppose." He exhaled a breath. "I thought the Artamek was shot down in the fight against Saren. I'm glad to see you obviously weren't on it."

"Yeah," she said with a scoff, turning to lean both elbows on the bar. "I was out on leave with a broken femur. Had I known that… I mean no one knew it was gonna be so…"

"Hey," he said, regretting having brought it up, but glad the attention was off his scars. "Don't beat yourself up. No one knew what it was going to be."

"You did," she said, motioning her head at him. "You and that Spectre you were following."

"Yeah," he said with an exhale. "Yeah, we knew."

"Even _**I**_ thought the reports were bullshit. I heard about the crazy human spouting crazy theory's about sentient starships and blah blah blah. But I should have known better. You were following her after all, so she couldn't have been _that _misinformed."

"Story of our lives, I'm afraid."

"Well if it ever happens again, you say the word. I won't sit the next one out."

"With any luck, there won't be a next one."

"I'll drink to that," she said, gesturing to the bartender. "So," she said, turning to him once she had her drink. "Not gonna lie. The red visor is freaking me out."

"The times have certainly changed," he said with a grin.

"Mid-life crisis?"

"Please," he scoffed. "I'm way too young for a mid-life anything."

"Well what's the deal? Your dad gave you that blue one didn't he?"

"Yeah," he cleared his throat, trying to fight the memories threatening his subconscious. "It broke."

"So why not buy a new blue one?"

"Cuz I was in a pinch, needed a new one quick, and they didn't have blue. Christ, what's with the third degree?"

She laughed, a light, melodic sound. "I have a human friend who says 'Christ' a lot. What does it mean?"

"Oh hell, I don't know," he said with a laugh, only then realizing what he had said. "Shepard says it a lot."

"Shepard, that's that Spectre, right? I thought she died."

"We all did."

"So that's where you've been."

"Possibly," he said with a smile, taking a drink.

"Well, I can see you've been spending too much time with humans."

"She has a way of rubbing off on you," he said. He looked passed Stretch to see Shepard entering the club in her old Alliance casuals, and scanning the club. The turian must have noticed because she turned to look over her shoulder to follow his eye-line.

"As if on queue," she said, raising an entertained brow at him. "She's pretty."

"She's more than pretty."

"Alright, Miles," she said, standing up straight. "I get it. I'm rather surprised, but I get it."

"Glad it didn't turn into an awkward rehash."

"Hey, you know me. Always down for a party, but hard to offend."

"I knew we were friends for a reason."

She laughed and hit him in the shoulder, when a thought occurred to him.

"Hey," he said leaning a little closer. "Do you remember when you had that thing for Burner Derox?"

"Oh jeeze," she said, putting a hand over her face. "How could I forget? I don't think I ever shouted at anyone quite like I shouted at him back in the day. What about him?"

"Well, you remember that little trick I helped you play?"

The recognition dawned in her eyes and she turned to look over her shoulder at Shepard, then turned back around with a wicked grin.

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I remember. I suppose you're cashing in that favor finally."

"Yes. Yes I am."


	48. Ambushed

_**Roarkshop here: OMG sorry it's late. But it's technically still Monday for TWO WHOLE HOURS in Las Vegas, so I'm calling that a win. Buahahhaha. Sorry for the late update. Life is still crazy for another couple weeks. **_

_**Hope you like this chapter! I busted my ass to get it posted today and I really really REALLY didn't want to let you guys down, so I hope its caliber is acceptable. **_

_**My new music video: The Halo Effect, is up on youtube and getting a huge response so thank you to everyone who has watched it! ^_^ If you haven't, there's a link on my profile.  
><strong>_

_**HOly crap, I'm going to bed now.**_

_**Lovelovelove**_

_**Roarkshop**_

* * *

><p>"Well," Shepard said, rubbing the back of her neck as she left Anderson's office. "That could have gone better."<p>

Zaeed shrugged, hands in his pockets. "Could have gone _worse._"

"Yeah. So that's it then?" she said. "You're gonna stay here?"

"I think I have to now, Kiddo. After what I've seen? Someone needs to get the fleet's collective asses in gear, or we're all incredibly fucked."

"Fucked we are indeed. Welp," she said, clapping her hands together. "I guess I'll be seein' ya."

She held her hand out to him as if to shake his, but he reached up and took her by the back of her neck.

"Red," he said, pressing his forehead to hers. "You are gonna go through that relay, kick some giant bugs back to hell, and come back home, you understand? If you die again I will kick your sorry ass."

She gave him a deprecating smile and nodded. "Yeah yeah, I hear you."

"Good," he said, patting the side of her throat with his hand. "Remember what I said will you?"

"About what?"

"Don't play dumb with me," he said with a grin, turning to walk away. "Get it done, Red, or you'll be sorry in the long run."

"Hey Z," she called after him.

He answered by turning, hands in his pockets, to look at her.

"Stay alive, Old Man."

"You first, Gutter-snipe."

She laughed as they both turned on a heel, and walked away from each other. She considered going back to her old apartment and finding some kind of formal wear to go into the club with, but her old combat briefs would do. In any case, it felt _good _to be in an Alliance sanctioned uniform again. She felt more confident in her Alliance casuals than she ever did in a dress.

And if there was anything she needed right now, it was confidence.

She idly made her way down the hallways to Purgatory, passing under the artificial lamp light as she walked. She tried to swallow down thoughts of the Omega 4, but they just wouldn't stay hidden. Rubbing a hand on the back of her neck, she sighed and made her way into the club, cringing against the beat and noise.

She picked out Garrus immediately, leaning into a rather intimate looking conversation with a woman. Whatever confidence she was feeling dropped directly into her feet. She seriously considered turning around and booking it out of the club, but she figured that would draw more attention than she wanted. Instead she turned and rested her elbows on the bar to her right, hoping against hope that he hadn't seen her come in. She caught her reflection in the mirror that decorated the bar wall. Her hair was in a messy knot, her casuals were wrinkled and old, her eyes were dark from her lack of sleep.

She was a hot mess.

Her attention moved to Garrus and his date, watching their reflections behind her. The girl shoved Garrus playfully in the shoulder and he laughed. Shepard felt the pit of her stomach lurch and looked away. She just had to wait it out. In a few minutes she could just casually walk out and no one would even know she had been there.

But, as expected of her god damn luck; she didn't have any.

"Shepard," he purred from behind her, beer in hand.

She turned around and hoped she succeeded in looking surprised to see him.

* * *

><p>Garrus remembered it like it was yesterday.<p>

Burner Derox was a hard headed private with a little too much respect for the rules. Garrus and he had never gotten along and he had always wondered what it was Stretch saw in him. But Garrus and Stretch hadn't had anything serious together so he made his way next to Burner in the Mess Hall, agreeing to try and coax the other soldier into revealing his partiality to him. It seemed a little similar to high-school drama, but Stretch was a friend, so Garrus obliged.

She had given him all the ammo he needed, and Garrus pushed all the right buttons to get the turian's temper going. She listened to the whole conversation through her ear piece and when Garrus eventually took the right-hook to the face for insulting her, Stretch had her answer.

The memory made him laugh, and now it was Stretches turn to get yelled at for his entertainment.

He had given Stretch plenty of things to get under Shepard's metaphorical plates. Nothing too serious, since she already had enough on her mind, but enough that it should ruffle her feathers a little. As he made his way across the club with the turian girl on his arm, the anticipation started to build up in his chest.

"Shepard," he said, forcing her to turn around.

She smiled and raised her eyebrows like she hadn't known he was coming.

"Hey Buddy," she said, eyeing his companion up and down. "What's up?"

"This is Yillis Strixen," he said, motioning to her. "We served on the Artamek together."

"Oh?" Shepard said, her eyes brightening a little. "Nice to meet you Ms. Strixen."

"It's an honor, Commander," she said, shaking her hand. "You can call me Stretch."

"I thought you were trying to get rid of that nick-name?" Garrus said.

She shrugged. "I guess it grew on me."

"Well," Shepard said. "The honor is mine, uh… Stretch," Shepard said, more out of obligation than sincerity.

"Stretch here was the best damn recon-scout on the unit," Garrus continued.

He saw the realization in Shepard's face.

"Recon-scout?" Shepard said as her face paled. "_The _recon-scout?"

The girl turned to Garrus with a smirk. "Been talking about me have you?"

"Don't flatter yourself," he rumbled. "I made it sound a lot better than it was."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Miles."

"Oh good," Shepard said. "You have little nick-names for each other." She turned around and motioned a hand at the bartender. "Double whatever. Straight up."

Garrus cocked his brow, studying her for a moment. This might be more entertaining than originally planned.

* * *

><p>"Well," Garrus said in an attempt to cover the tension. "I should go check on the crew. Don't want anyone getting out of line, right?"<p>

"Yeah," Shepard said. She never hated Garrus more than she did in the moment she watched him walk away that night.

Wing-man was a role Shepard played for her army buddies many times. But she never expected to have to do it for Garrus. Or maybe she just hoped she would never have to. Either way, this is not how she had hoped she would spend her shore leave. Perhaps relaxing just wasn't in the cards for her.

She pushed the thought aside, it was irrelevant. This was her chance to do the right thing; maybe not for her, but for Garrus.

"So, Commander," Stretch said, leaning against the bar. "Garrus tells me you and he are close."

"We are," she said, tapping her fingers on the bar anxiously.

"I didn't expect to see him after so long. It was certainly a pleasant surprise."

"Yeah, I'll bet."

* * *

><p>Garrus made his way around the club, deciding to stop rather close to the front door near Thane and Samara, since they seemed to be rather quiet and he could concentrate on listening. Shepard and Stretch talked in his ear piece and Garrus laughed as he turned to watch Shepard struggle through the pleasantries. Stretch didn't waste any time trying to get Shepard to talk about her plans for the future.<p>

"Well you know how it is, right?" Stretch asked, obviously trying to make Shepard uncomfortable. "Strong woman like you has to get it. At a certain point you just… gotta stop chasing the fight and settle somewhere."

"I uh," Shepard sighed. "No, I wouldn't really know about any of that. I don't think I'm the settling down type."

"Really," she lilted. "No husband? No children?"

"Never really thought about it, what with the very real threat of a slow painful _extinction _lingering over the next hill."

Stretch cleared her throat uncomfortably and Garrus laughed. She was no match for Shepard.

"Well I'm certainly done," she said, changing the subject. "Settling down with a mate certainly sounds more promising than continuing on the path of war."

"If you're looking for me to talk you out of choosing Garrus, you're going to be disappointed."

Garrus felt his chest tighten as he looked on. That certainly hadn't been what he was expecting.

"What do you mean?" the turian said, turning to face Shepard.

"Garrus he uh," Shepard cleared her throat and turned around to rest her elbows on the bar, and tossed back the shot the bartender had poured her. She made a sour face before she continued. "He deserves that kind of life. He deserves a better life than this."

"A soldier's life?"

"A life following me," she said before motioning for another drink. "A life where the only thing you can count on is death and bullets. A life where a good day consists of baby-sitting me, and a bad day consists of following me into hell for people who don't give a damn about us. Garrus deserves better than that. He deserves a home and someone he can love. He deserves all of that, and he won't get it following me."

"You sound an awful lot like you have _feelings _for him."

"Feelings have nothing to do with it," she spat before tossing back her second double shot. "A good man is a good man no matter what colors he sports or how many fingers he's got. To think that he's gonna follow me around forever, standing on the precipice of death all the time, is pathetic of me. A friendship, no matter how strong you want to believe it is, it can never substitute a family of your own. It can never fill that void."

"Well that's certainly not what I was expecting you to say."

"And what did you expect me to say?"

"Usually in situations like this I get the 'he's a hell of a soldier, so don't think you'll be able to tie him down', speech."

"Both of those things are very true. But Garrus is the best man I know and I'll be damned if I let him be stuck in this life when I could have helped him have more."

Stretch laughed, almost in Shepard's face. "Well, you are quite the matchmaker, but I'm afraid I've given you the wrong idea. I wasn't talking about Garrus when I said I was going to settle down, Shep."

Shepard cringed. Garrus had told Stretch how she hated to be called that.

"Garrus isn't... what did you call it? The settling down type. I mean, yeah I'm glad I ran into him since my bed was going to be rather empty tonight. But no, I would never _bond_ with Garrus. The very idea is… laughable."

"Is it?" Shepard asked, looking down into her empty glass. "How so?"

"Listen, Garrus is great and all, and I'm not saying I wouldn't give him a great deal of… personal time. But he's a casual thing, a passing fancy. Maybe it's different for humans, but a turian who voluntarily serves on a human ship when he could be serving with his own kind is not worth wasting more than a night or two over." She must have read the fury from Shepard's face because she continued to speak to explain herself. "Don't get me wrong, he'll certainly do for _tonight_. But I'm starting to think he's completely forgotten how to bring honor to his people."

Garrus watched as Shepard's head snapped up to lock eyes with the turian, and her face filled with a rage he was all too familiar with.

He suddenly realized this might have been a game he shouldn't have played.

Shepard's hands moved like lightning. She snatched the turian by the wrists and whirled her around before screwing her arm up behind her back. Shepard's other hand reached up and slammed Stretch's plated face into the bar-top.

"Now you listen to me you bare-faced _bitch_," Shepard sneered into her ear. "You say what you like about _me_ but I will not allow you to talk about my crew. _Least_ of all, Garrus. I have killed for Garrus, I would _die _for Garrus. He's going to do more for your people in the next few days than you will in your entire _life, _and I would rather stab out my own fucking eyes than stand by and watch you take advantage of him. So I take back everything I said. You come within 500 meters of him and I will rip every plate off that pretty face and cram them down your throat. Garrus deserves better than _you_."

"Why Commander," Stretch grunted out, struggling against Shepard's grip. "This certainly looks like more than your average crush."

"You're god damn right it is, Princess. Count yourself lucky that I didn't have just one more drink, because you'd be fucking dead."

Shepard shoved herself off of the girl and waved off the security coming to throw her out, very much planning on leaving voluntarily. She shook her head against the dizziness the liquor gave her, and turned to B-line it out of the club. Arms pinned to her sides, shoulders tense; she stomped toward the exit where Garrus had situated himself. She approached the small group he was standing near and took whatever drink Samara had in her hand and tossed it back before slamming it back down onto the table.

"I'm sorry Garrus," she sneered, her furious eyes meeting his baffled ones. "I can't be your god damn wing man."

She stomped out of the club and down the corridor. He watched until she disappeared behind the doors, and even after she was out of sight he watched the spot she had been in.

"I believe," Thane rumbled from the table, "that was your queue to go after her."

"What the _fuck!_" Stretch screeched in his ear piece. "Are you waiting for a smoke signal or something?"

Garrus turned around to see the turian rubbing the side of her face that Shepard had slammed into the bar top. He nodded at her, and sprinted after Shepard.

She was walking fast, but wasn't hard to spot.

"Shepard," he called after her. "Wait up."

"No," she shouted back, continuing her angry march down the abandoned Citadel streets. "I'm going to bed. Go back to your date."

"Like hell," he said, as he caught up. He took her arm and forced her to stop walking. "Will you just talk to me?"

"No," she said, yanking her arm out of his grip. "There's nothing to talk about."

"In what _universe _did you think you wouldn't have to talk to me about this?"

"The universe where you don't get to tell me what to do," she said back, crossing her arms.

"Damn it, Shepard, would you shut off the stubborn for five minutes? How do you expect me to apologize if you won't let me talk?"

"I expect you to- Wait, what?… you'retrying to apologize? What in the fuck would _you _have to apologize for?

"Shepard… Stretch was kind of-" he was cut off by the all-too-familiar sound of her omni-tool ringing with a message marked as urgent. They both exhaled anxious breaths as she brought up her omni-tool.

All the color drained from her face in an instant. Suddenly, nothing Garrus had to say seemed important.

"What?" he asked, but she didn't seem to hear him. "Shepard, what is it?"

Her jaw set and she swallowed hard before looking up at him.

"The IFF," she said softly before looking up at him. "It was a trap."

* * *

><p>"What in the hell were you thinking? Unshakling an AI? You could have lost the whole ship!"<p>

"Well, what am I supposed to do with Collectors, Miranda? Break my arm at them?"

"_Enough!"_ Shepard bellowed. "This isn't helping anything." She leaned her palms on the comm. table and exhaled a breath. She rubbed the pads of her fingers against her forehead against the pain. The situation, compounded by the liquor, was not helping her concentrate. All she knew was that they were gone. Everyone who had been on the ship, save Joker, had been taken to the Collectors. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have not seen this coming? "If EDI wanted us all dead, we would be just that. Now everyone just take a deep fucking breath."

"What do you want to do, Commander?" Jacob asked, trying to ease the tension. "We're as ready as we're going to be, why keep waiting?"

"We can't just jump into this," Miranda said, putting in significant effort to calm herself. "Rushing into it now does nothing but get us all killed."

Shepard stared down at the table, pushing her hands into the desk so hard her arms were shaking.

"Maybe you're right," she said softly before raising her gaze to the other side of the room, looking at no one, but her gaze burning through the space. "But they took my crew, and we are going to show them why that was a mistake."

"Commander…" Miranda started.

"God damn it, Miranda, _they have my crew_!"

Her voice cut through them all. The fury, the devastation. All traces of the easy-going, warm Commander were gone. The tension hung in the air as the only sound was Shepard's furious breath.

"It is time for a tonal shift. I know this isn't a military vessel and I know that things have been more or less lackadaisical to this point. I have had an open door policy and I have heard all complaints and concerns up until this point. That ends now. I am the Commanding Officer of the Normandy and you will all do what I say, when I say it, or you will be blown out of the fucking air lock. Am I understood?"

Everyone said their own version of "Yes Ma'am".

"Jeff," she said, standing up straight. "Get to the cockpit and get us to that relay."

"Aye aye," he said before going to leave the room.

"Tali, Legion," she continued. "Go with him and do a flush of all systems. I want every trace of whatever the fuck sent out our location scrubbed out of my ship."

"You got it," Tali said.

[Affirmative] Legion added, following Tali out.

"The rest of you do what you have to do to prepare," Shepard demanded as she made her way out of the room. "Sleep, eat, fuck, I don't give a shit. Just make sure you are one hundred percent by the time we launch through the relay."

She disappeared behind the Comm. Room doors and Garrus leaned his hands on the table with an exasperated sigh. The crew slowly filtered out around him until only he and Thane were left.

"I do not suppose there is a way for us to prevent her from blaming herself," Thane said, half asking.

"No," Garrus confirmed, standing back up. "Asari are blue, Krogans are violent, and Shepard will blame herself for this." He exhaled and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's just the way it is."

"Then I suppose you know what she'll do next."

"She's probably already in the Cargo Bay," Garrus said, walking out of the room. "I should probably head down there."

He nodded at Thane and left the room, making his way to the elevator. He knew he needed to help her, and he knew exactly how to do it.

This was going to hurt.

* * *

><p>The punching bags, brand new though they were, did nothing to quell the rage in Shepard. She knew that IFF was trouble. God damn her, she <em>knew <em>it.

She pounded her bare fists against the rubber as fast as she could, hoping she could drain some of the furious energy. She heard the doors open and shut behind her, and knew it was going to be Garrus.

It was always Garrus.

"I shouldn't have stalled," she said, stopping her attacks to lean her hands on the wall beside her. "If we had just gotten the IFF, installed it, and gone straight through the Omega 4, this wouldn't have happened. Or maybe it would have, but at least we would have _been _here. We would have been able to help them."

"Kicking yourself isn't going to bring them back."

"They have Lynn, Garrus. They have Lynn, and Kelly, and Kenneth. They aren't soldiers. For fuck sake, they're practically civilians."

"They signed up for this. They knew the stakes, just like we did."

"Then why wasn't it us?" She cursed, leaning her head on the wall. "Why didn't they come after _me_?"

"It's an unfortunate truth that anyone who knows you, even a little bit, knows that the only way to really hurt you is to go through your people. It's exactly what I would have done, were I in their shoes."

She finally looked at him, her eyes snapping to the side filled with an anger that was obviously fueled by hurt.

"I hate when you do that," she spat.

"Do what?"

"Sympathize with our enemy."

"If you don't respect the enemy you-"

"I know, I know, Garrus," She said, turning away. "It's a tune you've sang in that past. I just wish you'd keep it to your fucking self. I don't need your special brand of pessimism right now."

Silence as he did that thing where he exhaled through his nose.

"I know you're angry, Shepard, and you should be. But, if you're going to take it out on me, I'd prefer you did it with your actual fists rather than telling me you don't need me."

Shepard felt like a noose tightened around her heart, forcing her breath out. Her anger started to melt away as she realized how she was using him as a wall to knock down.

"Garrus," she said, starting to turn around. "I-"

She was rudely interrupted by him grabbing her by the shoulders and throwing her over his head onto the other side of the room. She shouted in surprise before grunting as she slammed into the opposite wall.

"What the _fuck_ was that!" she raved, climbing back onto her feet. "Are you insane?"

He raised his foot and heel-kicked her in the chest, knocking the wind out of her and blasting her against the wall again.

"Wow," he said with a condescending laugh as he turned away. "It's like you're getting old."

She snarled and lunged at him from behind, tackling his legs and forcing him to catch himself on his hands as he fell. He pushed himself up and reared his foot up to kick her off his legs, which she dodged by rolling off of him. They both got to their feet, but he didn't want to give her a chance to figure out what was going on, so he advanced, giving her two wide swings she could easily deflect.

Her teeth gnashed in her mouth as she caught his wrist and jabbed at his throat with the flat of her other hand, which he just barely managed to block.

He had to stay on his toes; she wasn't playing.

Shepard used her grip on his wrist and ducked under his arm, wrenching it up behind him and slamming him into the wall. He grunted against the pain and struggled to pull his arm out of her grip.

"If you and your recon-scout _slut-friend_ were the best hand-to-hand in your unit, I mourn for the future of the turian military."

"She was definitely better _off _of her feet," he taunted, pressed up against the wall.

He heard her heart lurch and saw the angry punch coming for his face, but it was wild, and uncontrolled. He leaned out of the way, forcing her to punch the wall, and whirled out of her grasp. He kicked the back of her knee, making her fall, and caught her with a hand around the back of her neck, so she hung in the air by it.

"Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy, Shepard," he teased.

She regained her footing and planted both feet into the wall, launching herself backward and into his chest, making them both fall to the ground. He grunted as he tried to keep his grip on her neck when his back slammed into the ground, compounded by the added weight of her on top of him. She scrambled to get leverage as they tangled about each other on the ground, but his grip was firm, and he managed to get his other hand on her wrist. He moved the hand that was on her neck to her other wrist and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pinning her hands against her own chest. She kicked the inside of his leg and tried to turn around but he used her momentum to roll, forcing her face into the mat and climbing on top of her. He held her to the mat with his weight, pinning her face-down.

He could feel her breath pumping out of her as she lie there, with her forehead pressed into the mat, trying to regain control. He could feel her furious heartbeat through his chest against her back, and felt her shoulders struggling to pull away. But she knew she was pinned, she knew there was no way out.

Which was exactly what he'd wanted.

"God damn it," she whispered, closing her eyes tight to bite back the angry tears. He could feel her insides shiver as she tried, desperately, not to cry. "Why does it always have to be me," she said softly.

He didn't say anything, because he didn't have a good answer for her. In reply he pressed his muzzle against the side of her head and exhaled, hoping the contact was comforting.

They stayed like that for long minutes, until he could tell she was gathering her wits again. Garrus bent one of his legs so that he could take the pressure of his weight off her back, and propped himself up on his elbows a little. He released her wrists and she used the opportunity to roll onto her back. She lifted herself up and tucked her face into the side of his neck. He wrapped an arm around her back to hold her up, and used the other to support his own weight. He felt the silent tears trickle down the side of his throat.

"It's gonna be alright," was all he could think to say, holding her there against his chest. "We'll get them back."

Another few minutes of silence passed, and he spared a moment to relish the fact that she was in his arms, pressed against him. The situation certainly wasn't ideal, but Garrus took what he could get.

"Why is it always the Cargo Bay?" she said softly.

"I don't know, maybe you just like the ambiance."

She laughed, and he heard her sniffle in an attempt to compose herself. She let her head fall back against the mat and looked up at him.

"Why is it always you?"

He laughed. "I guess because I'm the only one who knows you well enough," he said with a smile, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She moved her arm to wipe the tears off of her face with a sleeve and let out a long breath.

"I should uh," she cleared her throat. "I should probably get back to the crew."

"Yeah," he said, lifting himself up onto his knees before standing. He offered her a hand to help her up and she took it and pretended to dust off her pants. "Thanks for the dance," she said with a sarcastic laugh before turning to walk away.

"Hey," he called after her, not even sure of what he was going to say. She turned back around, looking at him over her shoulder. "I'm here if you need me."

She smiled, almost sadly, and turned back around. "Yeah," she said. "Thanks."

He watched her disappear past the doors of the Cargo Bay. He knew she would spend the rest of the day busying herself, doing her usual rounds with the crew in an attempt to distract herself. But they still had 36 hours before they hit the relay, and it was always the night, when she was alone, that was the hardest for her.

Garrus decided then that, if nothing else, he wouldn't let her be alone that night.


	49. Finally

_**Roarkshop Here: YAY! Here is your SUPER LONG AND SUPER LONG AWAITED chapter! I worked really SUPER hard on making this chapter perfect (even in my delirium cuz I've been really sick). So I will pray to whatever God's I can that you all enjoy it as much as I do. (I have never been this nervous in my whole life...ever.)**_

_**Side note: Please don't freak out as there may be a delay in chapters because I officially have NO MORE CHAPTERS WRITTEN! Most of you know i like to have 3 or 4 chaps written in advance but I literally spend SO MUCH TIME writing and perfecting this chapter that I have ZERO material left so I'm pretty much starting from scratch again.**_

_**Which also means that I'll need people to do chapter icons for me! PM or E-mail me if you're interested!**_

**_I seriously hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I know how long you have all waited for it and I wanted SO BADLY for it to live up to, not only your expectations, but mine as well. And I hope i have done that. _**

_**I seriously love you guys.**_

_**Roarkshop**_

* * *

><p>Garrus watched from the Battery as Shepard made her rounds. He watched as she came out from the Starboard Observation and headed to the elevator, he watched as she looked into the dark, empty Med Bay. She shook her head and dragged her feet to the elevator, obviously resolute in her decision to distract herself.<p>

"EDI," Garrus said, turning to lean on the console. "Alert me when Shepard turns in for the night."

"Very well," the AI chimed.

Garrus tried to work after that, but he couldn't get her out of his head; The anger in her eyes as she wrestled Stretch onto the bar, the fury in her voice as it rang out through the crowd.

_I have killed for Garrus, I would __**die **__for Garrus._

He exhaled and put his head in his hands. On top of everything else, they had lost the crew and ruined whatever plans he was brewing for shore leave. The look on her face when she got the message from Joker made it very clear anything he wanted to say was going to have to wait. Now here he was…waiting.

He had a decision to make: Either he gave her the inevitable speech tonight, or he forgot the whole mess and just did what he did before Ilos; make her feel better.

Ilos. It seemed so long ago now.

"Mr. Vakarian," EDI chimed.

The sound startled Garrus out of his thoughts. "Agh, what?"

"The Commander has retreated to her quarters."

He was out of time. As he turned to head to the elevator, he knew he had to make a decision.

"She is currently stepping into the shower."

Garrus froze mid step. Maybe he should wait a few more minutes.

* * *

><p>After Garrus paced around the Battery for 15 minutes, which he decided was long enough to get a shower done but not so long that she'd have time to settle into bed for the night, he rode the elevator up to her quarters. He tapped his talons on the elevator wall, running over what he wanted to say in his head, but it was all gone already. He decided to stop stalling and just go in, and do what he did best. He was Garrus-fucking-Vakarian, and he had something to say.<p>

Shepard was pacing back and forth reading through a data pad when Garrus entered. Her captain's casuals were un-buttoned and messy like she had just thrown them on. Her hair hung down her shoulders in her usual careless curls, still damp from the shower.

Her scent was intoxicating.

"I've gone over these reports a thousand times," she said, putting the data pad on her hip and rubbing her eyes with her other hand. "I've made sure there was nothing else to upgrade, everyone was ready, and everything is operating like it's supposed to; and yet…" her exasperated sigh finished her sentence for her.

"You've done everything you can, Shepard. We're ready."

"We're going to have to be," she said with a humorless laugh, before finally meeting his eyes.

The moment hung in the air as their eye contact lingered.

"Shepard," he started.

"Listen, Garrus" she interrupted, holding a hand up to motion for silence. "I'm not sorry for going postal on What's-Her-Plates last night. She said some things that just…" she cleared her throat. "I mean I attribute a little bit of it to the booze, but… Just trust me when I say you can do a lot better than her."

"I intend to," he said, tilting his head to the side.

"Oh. Okay so, that's not what you came up here for?"

"No. It's not."

"Oh good. Then what's up?"

"Do you remember what I said, Shepard? The night before Ilos?"

She tilted her head to the side with a smile. "You said a lotof things the night before Ilos."

He started to walk toward her.

"Kaidan had just left the room, jilted. 'Can't say I blame him,' I said. 'Hours before certain death, it's natural to want to spend it in the arms of a beautiful woman'." As he closed the distance between them, she started to back up to match his steps.

"I remember," she said, her hesitation obvious.

He reached across and grabbed the data pad from her hand and followed it with his eyes as he tossed it off to the side.

"Now," he continued. "Do you remember what you said next?"

"I do," she confirmed, just as she backed up into the wall.

He pressed his palms against the wall behind her, effectively trapping her between his arms.

"Say it."

She swallowed, pressing her back against the wall like she was trying to disappear through it.

"Is that why _you're _here, Garrus?"

"That's _exactly _why I'm here, Shepard."

He listened as her heart throbbed in her chest, watched the heat rise in her face and her ears redden. She laughed, a nervous sound, and ducked under his arm to walk past him.

"Very funny," she said. "Did you just come up here to give me shit?"

Garrus saw it for what it was; a way out. She was giving him a chance to back down. He snatched her wrist to stop her from walking away.

"I wasn't trying to be funny," he said, closing the door as quickly as she had opened it.

She shook his grip off of her wrist and started to default on her anger to bolster her defense.

"Then, what? I messed up your booty call and now I have to pick up the slack?"

He smiled, and approached again. "Is that… _jealousy _I hear in your tone?"

He saw her tense, regardless that she tried to hide it. She sank into her hip and crossed her arms, smiling her usual sarcastic smile.

"It would appear," she said, matching his condescending tone, "that you're looking to play the part of Kaidan Alenko in this year's 'pre-impossible-mission-rejection'."

"This is different," he growled, trying not to let on how that got under his plates. "You actually _want _me."

"That a fact?"

"Lie to me if you feel you have to, Jane. But remember that I can hear your heart beating," he said as he traced the pads of his fingers up her throat. "I can feel the heat rising in your face. I've been watching your body react to me for _too _long without doing anything about it."

He felt her insides shudder but she just batted his hand away and turned to walk passed him.

"I admire your commitment to the mission, Garrus, but no one has asked you to take one for the team."

"What did you just say to me?" he asked through his teeth, an edge sharpening his tone that only whispered of the hostility building in him.

She didn't look at him, but more spoke to his reflection in the giant window next to her bed.

"Garrus, out of everyone in my life you are the _only _one who has never pitied me. My past, my insufficiencies, none of it has ever mattered to you. You've always just been there. You've never walked out on me and you've never taken that god damn _patronizing _tone when you talk to me. And now you're here to, what? Try and sate the poor, over-stressed Commander? Our friendship has survived a lot, Garrus. But it won't survive you swallowing down your nausea for some kind of…_pity fuck._"

"Shut up," he snapped, pointing at her. "The fact that you know me well enough to know how I feel about humans should tell you that nothing would make me come up here for any reason other than I wanted to. I've heard you say something like that before, that I think you're repulsive, I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. That couldn't be further from the truth."

"Don't patronize me, Garrus, you can't _want _me. I'm the complete opposite of what you want in a woman."

"Yeah," he scoffed, crossing his arms. "Strong, intelligent, funny, compassionate; What kind of idiot would want _that _in a woman?"

"Damn it," She said, turning around and holding her arms out to the side _"Look _at me, Garrus."

"I_ am _looking, Shepard," he said as he took a step toward her. "I've _been _looking at you. I saw you when you found me on Omega and ran into my arms; I saw you when you were on the Augustine, covered in blood and still standing regardless of the beating you'd taken; I saw you when it all came crashing down; and I saw that the only thing that helped you pull it together was that I held you and told you everything was going to be alright. I see the way your face lights up when you laugh and the way your eyes brighten after a particularly risky kill. I've always been _looking_, Shepard." He exhaled a hard breath to ease the frustration in his chest before taking another step toward her. "I'm not going to insult your intelligence by pretending to have a fetish for humans. Not only because I will never lie to you, but because that would somehow cheapen this. The fact that I'm here, telling you that I want you, should show you just how unique you are to me. I don't care that you're human, Shepard. This isn't about that. It's about _us_. And I've _never_ thought anyonewas as beautiful as I think you are now."

She swallowed down her nerves and crossed her arms tight against her chest, trying to make that barrier between them. She was trying desperately to process this information; thoughts were flying through her head so fast she hardly even knew what they were. Finally she managed to latch onto one, the one she had been telling herself since the very beginning.

"It's not worth the risk," she croaked out.

"Risk?" he said. "What risk?"

"Garrus, a roll in the hay… pleasant though it may turn out," she cleared her throat. "It's not worth the way our friendship will change. It's not worth ruining a good thing over."

He let that sink in for a few long moments before he spoke. He crossed the room and brushed the backs of his fingers along her cheek. He tried to think his words over carefully, but the more he thought about it the less sense it made, so he just started talking and hoped it would all fit together.

"Jane I…I've seen so many things go wrong: what happened with Sidonis, my work with C-sec, The Normandy, Spectre Training. But you… you have been the only thing _right _about my life for a long time. Do you think I would take this chance… do you think I would risk losing that for some kind of… casual fling? Do you think I'm an idiot?" He swallowed and spared a moment to think about how dry his mouth was getting. He looked at the floor, rubbing the back of his neck. "Jane, I fixed Krios' shelves because I was the one that broke them. I saw you leave his room the other night. I went in and found him covered in your scent so I _threw_ that tiny green menace right through the glass; I _told_ Stretch to piss you off with the specific intention of trying to figure out how you felt about me." He met her eyes again, and exhaled; Weighing whether or not he should even bring his next point up at all. "And I _killed _Gideon Torren, in my only true act of revenge to date. He died a slow, _merciless_ death because he managed to truly hurt the only thing in this life that is precious to me: You."

Shepard wasn't as stunned as he anticipated, though her eyes did widen. Anger seemed to be the most prominent feature as her brows started knitting together.

"Why?" she whispered as the veil of tears filled her eyes. "Why are you telling me this _now_?"

"I should have told you a long time ago," he said with a disappointed sigh. "But by the time I realized what was happening I was already too far gone to stop it. I didn't think you'd… I never thought in a million years that you'd...I mean look at me, I'm not exactly-" he motioned a haphazard hand at the wounded side of his face. "I'm a mess, Shepard. I've known for a long time that you deserved better than whatever it is I can give you. I mean, I can't… _pinpoint_ exactly where everything started to change for me. Spirits know I've tried. All I really know for a fact is that when I found you on the Augustine, I realized there was nothing in this universe I have ever wanted as badly as I wanted you to be mine."

Her throat started to strain under the amount of effort she was putting forth to keep her cool.

"Garrus… No. I…That can't happen."

"And why not?"

She looked down and took a deep breath before looking back up at him, trying to put the Commander Mask back in place.

"I think you should leave," she said, as coldly as she could muster.

He smiled.

_If you let her make you back out, you'll never get another chance._

"Tell it to me straight," he demanded, sinking into a hip and crossed his arms.

"Tell you _what_, Garrus?"

"Tell me you don't love me, Jane, and I'll go."

Her jawline tensed and she looked up at the ceiling in a desperate attempt to keep the tears in her eyes. When she looked back at him her eyes were red. She squeezed her hands into fists and gnashed her teeth. He couldn't help but smile as he saw how she choked on the words.

"I'm waiting," he taunted.

"God damn it," she sneered. "Garrus, I don't-"

He didn't want to hear it, even if he knew she'd be lying.

He quickly gripped her shoulders, pulled her into him, and stopped her with a kiss. She inhaled a sharp breath through her nose and tensed, going rigid in his hands. One of his hands instinctively moved down to the small of her back and pulled her against him. His mind went white, all his thoughts melted away against the sensation of her kiss. All that remained was the overwhelming need to eliminate the space between them. The touch of her lips, feather light against his, sent a devastating wave of weakness through him. He felt her give in as her body eased in his hands.

They both lingered; both trying to stretch out the moment, both secretly wishing it wouldn't end.

When they parted, they did so slowly, each feeling the other exhale. When he opened his eyes, tears had streaked both of her cheeks.

"I…I'm sorry," was all he could say. It came out like a reflex.

She shook her head and her brows started knitting together again, angry tears welling up in her troubled eyes.

"This is bad," she whispered.

"Well that wasn't exactly what I was thinking but-"

"You're going to ruin _everything_, Garrus."

"Stop pushing me away, Jane. Or at least, if you're going to, give me a _reason._"

"Don't you get it?" she cursed, raising her fists and slamming them into his chest. He made a surprised 'oomf' noise, but caught her wrists in his hands and held them where they landed against him. Defeated, she dropped her forehead her hands as she spoke. "We do this and everything is changed forever," she whispered, knowing full well he could hear her. "And then, one day, when everything goes to hell, like everything inevitably does, I'll have to watch you walk away like I've watched everyone else walk away."

"Is that what this is about?" he said, moving his hand to run it through her hair, unable to stop the small laugh that escaped him. "You're scared?"

"I'm glad you find it so amusing."

"It kind of is," he admitted. "Commander Jane Shepard, Star of Terra, Destroyer of Reapers, afraid of one little turian."

She laughed once through her nose. "Sure, maybe compared to fucking _Reapers _you're little."

He laughed and the sound made her relax a little.

"All this time," she said, exhaling against his chest. "I've just kept telling myself that I would rather watch you be happy with someone else than take the chance and eventually not have you in my life at all."

"All this time?" he said, pushing her back by her shoulders so she'd look up at him. "How long, exactly?"

"I don't… I mean I don't know when exactly, you know?" She moved to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. "After Noveria, I mean I don't really remember a lot of our conversation, when I yelled at you in the Med Bay, but I remember the darkness, and the numb quiet. And then I…there was just you. 'I don't want you to die,' you said. God, I remember it so clearly. You were so sad for me, it made me _want _to wake up. And when I did finally come to, there you were, right where I had left you, beside me. After that it was just… I don't know…little things. I didn't realize just how fucked I was until after we killed Sovereign, when we were sitting out on the hangar that night, you remember? You told me you were going back to Spectre training and I…" She swallowed down her tears, desperate not to let her voice crack. "I smiled and I told you it was alright, but…It wasn't until you told me you were leaving that I realized just how desperately I wanted you to stay."

He was stunned. He blinked several times trying to process the information. It went back that far for her and he hadn't had a clue?

He was doing his oblivious father proud.

"Years?" He said softly. "It was _years _ago?"

"Afraid so," she said, clearing her throat and taking a deep breath. It was finally time, no backing down. It was now or never. "Garrus, for me it… it's _always _been you."

She laughed, unable to contain it as the wave of adrenaline crashed over her. It was amazing, the relief she felt as she finally said something she had been waiting to say for the longest time.

He exhaled through his nose, observing the nervous movements of her hands as they folded over each other.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize. You were never… I mean we were always close but…" He shook his head and sighed again, cursing himself for how he was failing at making his mouth do what his brain was telling it. "I had no idea. And before I could even start to figure it out you-" He pushed out the memories. He didn't want to think about it. "I didn't even have time to process that you were alive before we were back on the path to a glorious suicide and I took a rocket to the face. I mean the side of my face looks like I sent it through the shredder, how could someone like _you _ever…"

He sighed and looked down at his feet. It was the most vulnerable she had ever seen him.

She swallowed down her nerves, and mustered up whatever courage she had.

"I had no idea," she said, raising her hand to run the pads of her fingers down his wounded mandible. "That this still bothered you so much."

He cleared his throat, trying to ignore her touch against his face. "If you'll recall," he said lilting his head to the side. "I once told you that you could punch me anywhere _but _my face, it being my money-maker like it was."

"Was?" She said with a laugh. "You're going to pretend you're not still six-foot-four of solidified_ handsome_?"

He laughed and raised his hand to hold hers where it was, against his face. "I'll have to remember that one." Silence filled the room again, and he saw how her smile started to fade as the weight of their situation fell on her. "Listen," he said, brushing her curls behind her ear, and sliding his other hand to her hip. "I know you're afraid, but… Jane this is _me._ I traded a life at C-sec to be your number two, and I don't intend on stepping down any time soon. At your side is where I belong. I will _never _turn my back on you."

She looked down with an exhale, fighting how her emotions started to well up again. "It would be so much easier," she said quietly. "If you just left and we pretended none of this ever happened."

"It most certainly _would _be easier," he said, putting his hand under her chin and forcing her to look up at him. "But when have you and I ever done _anything _the easy way?"

She laughed, though a tear escaped one of her eyes and rolled down her cheek. He kept his grip on her chin and ran the pad of his thumb along the length of her bottom lip while his other hand instinctively moved to the small of her back.

He was done talking.

He pulled her chin to him and kissed her again. Once their lips connected his hand moved from her chin and slid down the length of her jaw to hold her tight on the back of her neck. Shepard inhaled and went stiff for a moment, taken aback by the urgency with which he touched her. His hands spoke of his longing and her toes curled with the tingling sensation that shot through her. She moved her hands to rest on his chest, though her movements were timid and unsure. Slowly she traced her hands up his chest and up the sides of his throat. His mandibles clicked against the side of his face, she figured that meant she was doing something right. That low rumble started in the pit of his chest, and she could feel the vibrations echo through him.

Garrus was putting significant effort into maintaining control over himself. While he knew there was nothing he could dish out that Shepard would be unable to handle, he was dancing dangerously close to losing whatever reason he had left.

The hand on her hip moved to trail up the center of her back, and she unknowingly arched under his touch, pressing herself against him. He moved his hands to her hips and pushed her back against the window behind her and she reached her hands to the back of his neck to pull him, eliminating the distance between them. The thoughts of keeping her safe only whispered at the back of his mind as his hands moved up her sides and over the top of her shoulders, pushing the top jacket layer of her casuals off. She released her grip on his neck only long enough for him to slide the sleeves down her arms, breaking their kiss briefly. He only managed to catch a glimpse of her before she had thrown her arms back around him and pressed her lips to his, more open, more confident. He didn't just feel her mouth on his this time, he tasted her, and it ignited a hunger in him.

He could feel the rumble in his chest getting stronger, and he didn't fight it. No matter where he touched her, her body would respond, arching under his hands. He had never wanted anything in his _life _the way he wanted her in these moments. He had never felt anything like it; this desire. He was wading in very dangerous territory, he just didn't have the presence of mind to realize that.

Garrus pulled away from their kiss, pressing his palms against the glass of the window behind her in an attempt to catch his breath. She looked up at him, seemingly confused by the sudden lack of contact.

"What's wrong?" she asked, breathlessly.

"Nothing," he assured her, pressing his muzzle to the side of her face and kissing her, feeling his own breath as he panted against her skin.

The sight of him trying desperately to stay in control did nothing but make her yearn to watch him lose it.

Garrus felt her silken lips press against the soft exposed skin of his throat, and he closed his eyes despite himself, trying to muster up some last-minute resolve. He gnashed his teeth in his mouth and exhaled a hard breath. Again she kissed his neck, but this time her mouth opened and he could feel the soft caress of her tongue against his skin. His hands flexed, making his talons scratch the glass accidentally, and a shiver rushed through him. He groaned against the sensation and he heard her heart leap in response to his voice. Her face was so close to his he actually heard the movement of her throat as she swallowed down her nerves. He used her moment of hesitation to remove one of his hands from the glass and press it to the flat of her back, moving her away from the window just enough that he could bend down and slide his hands under each of her thighs and lift her. He wrapped her legs around his waist and used his body to press her back against the window. She linked her ankles behind him, squeezing his waist with her legs in an attempt to hold herself up as she tugged at the bottom of his shirt, slowly lifting it up his chest. Confident in her grip around him, he released her legs to lift his arms up while she pulled the shirt up over his head. He moved his hands back under her thighs for support before noticing how she was staring at him.

She was looking intently down at his chest, now bare. She very gently ran her hands down it, tracing the tips of her fingers around the edges of his overlapping plates, a bright smile spreading across her face. She had wanted to touch his bare chest since she very first saw it all those years ago, after Therum. He smiled. The sight of her so plainly adoring him… it wasn't something he'd ever forget.

She exhaled a ragged breath before meeting his eyes again, only then realizing he had been watching her looking at him. He raised one of his hands to her face, cupping her cheek with his palm and leaning into a soft kiss. He felt her legs tense around him, which urged him to slowly move against her. She tossed her head back, letting a short, almost startled groan escape her throat, and her body shuddered against him. He gripped her legs hard and took the few steps backward necessary before the back of his knees hit her bed, making him sit. Her knees hit the bed on either side of him and she moved her hands to the back of his neck, pulling him back into their kiss. He snuck his hands under her shirt and explored the soft, bare skin of her back before slowly sliding the shirt up over her shoulders.

Garrus felt her hesitate, but it was brief before she lifted her arms and allowed him to lift her shirt over her head. As he did, her curls swished as they fell back around her shoulders, swirling the citrus scent of her hair around him. He tucked his face into the crook of her neck and fluttered his mandibles against the soft exposed skin there. She tilted her head to the side, allowing him easier access, obviously not knowing what the gesture would mean to him.

He pulled his face away before he did something very stupid.

She put her hands on his chest and pushed him onto his back. He put his elbows down to support himself, watching as she ran her hands down the length of his chest to his waist. She leaned forward, kissing his collar bone, and up the crook of his neck. He turned his head, putting a kiss on her jaw before running a hand up her back, very deftly unhooking the harness around her chest with one hand. She sat up, putting a hand across her chest urgently. He laughed at the surprise on her face.

He lifted himself up, wrapping an arm around the small of her back and pulling her down, turning them both as they went so that she was on her back and he was leaning over her. Her curls fanned out under her on the bed and she moved her other arm so that both of them were clutching the odd garment to her chest.

"How in the hell did you know how to do that?" she said, narrowing her eyes and fighting a smile.

"Jane," he said nonchalantly, idly running his hand down her side. "I can field strip and reassemble a Helix Nine S.O. in twenty five seconds. Blindfolded. You think your human contraptions are going to _stump _me?"

"You looked it up didn't you?"

"I absolutely looked it up."

She let an anxious laugh escape, still holding the thing against her chest. Regardless that he already knew what to expect, he could tell she was nervous about letting him see her. Her reasons for being wary were obvious, and he wondered if she'd want him to turn off the lights. Though he knew it wouldn't matter; they both knew he would still be able to see perfectly well.

Instead he kissed her, making them both close their eyes as he moved on top of her. He traced his hand up her bare side and tugged the harness out from between them before pressing his chest against hers. He didn't want her because of how she looked; he wanted her because she was _her_. He hoped she knew that.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her dexterous fingers tracing up the back of his neck to the back of his head, making him tense against the sensation. He felt her bend her knees, lifting up her legs to either side of him as he moved.

It had been a long time since either of them had been intimate with another person, compounded with a first for either of them with a different species. The more intimate they became, the more timid Shepard seemed to get. They continued to undress each other before they were both completely vulnerable, and despite her bashfulness, her hands spurred him onward. She tugged at his hips and entwined her legs with his, her touch passionate and leaving trails of fire on his skin. He was trying to stay cognizant of her fear, but her touch coupled with the sound of her voice crying out for him made it impossible to keep his carnal impulses restrained. The low, sensual growl echoed through him as the more primal part of his brain started to overtake his reason. Everything faded away into the dark recesses of his subconscious until all that was left was the plain, fundamental, _powerful_ fact that he wanted her.

He lifted her hips and pulled them against him, taking her in one quick, feverish movement.

Her back arched and her whole body shuddered. Her face spoke of the pleasure, peppered with pain that she felt. Her voice rang out around him and his teeth gnashed in his mouth. Her bashfulness evaporated along with his resolve to keep his instincts in check. They moved with each other, in sync, both losing a little more of themselves in every moment. She threw her arms around his neck and lifted herself up against him. He slammed his hand into the wall, using his hold on it to support their weight. He raked the talons of his other hand down the center of her back, making her arch her body against him and giving him more range of motion. She called out his name, and the sound of it sent him reeling. She reached down and tugged on his hips, demanding he move faster, and he instinctively complied.

Garrus felt the tension in her building, heard the ecstasy in her voice coming to an apex. His talons cracked the drywall as his staccato movements intensified. Her back arched and she moved her hand to her mouth, biting the back of it as if she was trying to stop herself from calling out. He would have none of that.

He took her wrist in his free hand and pinned it above her head.

"No," he growled.

"But… I-"

He sneered viciously through his teeth and the rumble in his chest sent vibrations coursing through her. She tossed her head back, her whole body arching as she moaned. He leaned into her, tucking his face against her neck and baring his teeth as he trailed them lightly down her skin. He could feel her body quake which incited his own reaction, their bodies meeting a final few, furious times. He moaned against her throat as his frenzy eased away, and both of their bodies slowed in unison.

He pressed both of his hands flat to the bed in an attempt to hold himself up. He was weakened, however, as he looked down at her and his arms trembled with the effort of holding his weight. He fell to one side, buckling an elbow so he could support himself on it. He leaned down to her, lightly pressing his brow to hers and moving his other hand to hold her face.

Their chests heaved in unison as they forced out their tired breaths. He could feel the sweat dripping down his throat and saw how her skin was also glistening. He lowered his face to kiss down the length of her throat, and he felt her smile as she relaxed into the bed.

He rolled over her to lie on his back, and worked his arm under her to pull her against his side. She looked up at him, her eyes fluttering as she tried to keep them open.

"Hey, Ugly," she breathed.

"Hey, Bug," he said with a smile.

Garrus had never seen her fall asleep so fast, though it shouldn't have surprised him. She was already exhausted _before _the night started. Still, he couldn't help but chalk it up as a win. It seemed like species didn't matter; a satisfied woman did wonders for his pride.

_This_ woman, especially.

He laughed to himself and combed his fingers through her hair, resting his face against the top of her head and exhaling a contented sigh. He drifted into sleep, her scent all around him, the feel of her silken skin against him, listening to her heartbeat and her steady breathing.

As they slept there, in each other's arms, it was a peace that neither of them had ever known. The mission, the past, the dangers; none of it mattered. There was nowhere either of them would have rather been, and nothing that would take this bliss away from them.

There they slept, together; two pieces _finally _of the same whole.


	50. Afterglow

_**Roarkshop Here: Okay. Final Chapter for the year. Going on Hiatus until the first Monday of January (possibly). Real life has happened. For the Why's and How Longs visit the link on my profile and watch my latest video (if the link isn't working just go to my blog page it'll be the first page on roarkshop dot net. IT'll explain everything. If not, I'll see you guys in January!**_

_**Happy Halloween, guys! I hope you had a fun and safe holiday, and if you live somewhere that doesn't celebrate it, I hope you had fun regardless. Have a wonderful Holiday season, and hopefully we can get back to Monday updates when I come back and we can jump into the Omega 4!**_

_**LOVE YOU GUYS! REDCOATS FOR LIFE!**_

_**Lovelovelove**_

_**ROarkshop**_

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><p><em><strong><strong>_

_**EDIT! IMPORTANT! SandF is complete and finished and instead of making a 100-chapter long story, I will be continuing Garrus and Shepard's journey in a second, more appropriately titled, story. For the full story please visit my blog. Love you guys!**_

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><p>Shepard blinked her eyes awake and was met with the glow of the fish tank in the darkness. She realized she was still smiling as she put her arms over her head in a listless stretch before lazily reaching her arm out for Garrus on the other side of her.<p>

She was met with the all-too-familiar sensation of emptiness.

Shepard shot into a sitting position, unconsciously holding the sheet against her chest as she looked around the empty room. Per usual, the lights all came on once she sat up, which gave her a clear visual of her quarters. He was gone. There was no two ways about it. She tried to fight the onset of panic rising in her chest. She saw her underclothes abandoned on the floor next to her and reached down to hurriedly pull them on before taking a moment to wish that she was dreaming.

She took a deep breath and tried to be logical. Maybe he went down for breakfast. Maybe someone had needed his help. Maybe he had done something _other _than run screaming from the room to get away from her.

_Don't be melodramatic; _she scolded herself, which was exactly when she saw the majority of his clothes still strewed about the other side of the room.

"Uh… Garrus?" she said, a glimmer of hope flickering through her.

"Of course," he scoffed from the bathroom.

Relief crashed through her so hard she thought she might burst into laughter.

Garrus came back into the room, wearing only the pants he'd had on the night before. "The only five minutes I haven't been in that bed is the five minutes you decide to wake up."

She laughed a lot harder than she meant to.

"It wouldn't be us if anything went smoothly," she said, letting her hands fall into her lap on the bed.

"Truer words were probably never spoken," he said with a laugh. He reached the foot of the bed and climbed up on top of her, tucking his face into the crook of her neck and fluttering his mandibles against her skin, simultaneously pushing her back down as he advanced. She laughed, a gleeful, joyous sound as she fell back onto the bed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Good morning," he rumbled, kissing her throat.

"It certainly is," she said with a pleased sigh.

"You're warm," he crooned, running his free hand up her side.

"And you're cold," she said, smacking his hand away. "Jesus, your hands are like ice."

"Of course they are," he said, leaning back so she could see his puzzled expression. "I'm cold blooded."

"Yeah, doofus, I know that. But you're usually so warm."

"I'm also usually clothed."

She smiled and tilted her head to the side, deciding to play dumb. "And clothes, for some reason, make you warm blooded?"

"What? No. Turian armor and clothes are designed to insulate, so once I get warm, I stay warm. But since I've spent the better part of ten hours…indisposed, I'm cold again."

"So what," said, idly tracing her hands up his chest. "You have to sun bathe like a gecko?"

He quirked a brow. "Uuhhh, I don't know what that is but yeah, sun bathing works. But showering is faster and vastly more convenient."

"So you _are _a space lizard," she said with a silly grin.

"I don't care what you call it," he said, tucking his face into the crook of her neck again. "But if it makes you smile like that then I'm happy to be it."

There was a melody in her laughter Garrus had never heard before. It made him rather proud of himself.

He rolled onto his back next to her and stretched his legs out, resting his head on one of his arms as she cuddled up against his side. His other arm wrapped around her shoulders and he nuzzled the top of her head with his face.

"What's this?" he said, tracing an idle finger along her shoulder.

"My shoulder blade?"

"Obviously," he scoffed. "You look like you have… I don't know… specs of black dirt on your back."

"What?" she sat up and reached a hand to where her shoulder was and felt only the scar from where her shirt had been coagulated into her skin from the Collector Ship. "My scar?"

"No. Around it."

She tried to look back over her shoulder at it, then realized what he had to be talking about.

"Well I'll be damned," she said, trying to crane her neck around. "Can you see my tattoo?"

There was a few moments off baffled silence before he spoke. "Wait… you have a tattoo? Like the markings Jack has?"

"Well I did. I had the N7 program logo on my shoulder; A present from Z once I got the position on his squad. I didn't think it would still be there after Cerberus put me back together."

"How have I never seen it before?"

She shrugged. "Well, the only time you've ever really seen me shirtless was when my shirt was melted onto my shoulder, right?"

"Huh. I guess so." He traced a talon down the cracked and faded mark. "Yeah, now that I know what it is, I can kind of see the shape of it."

"I'm surprised it survived all the chaos."

"I'm not," he said, leaning back down and bringing her with him via his hand on her shoulder. "I'm tired of being surprised when you survive the unexpected."

She laughed and nestled her head on his shoulder, tracing her fingers along the edges of the plates on his chest. Her thoughts wondered as she sat in blissful silence, feeling his powerful heartbeat, listening to his steady breath. It was like a dream; A dream, she reminded herself, that had to end eventually. Like it or not, it was only a matter of time before the Omega 4 filled her mind, followed by the shit storm awaiting them all.

She didn't know how Garrus noticed, but he did.

"Don't do that," he said.

"Do what?"

"Dwell. Forget about it. Just be here now, with me. Eight hours is a long time."

"Not long enough."

He laughed. "That's certainly not what you said last night."

She scoffed. "Oh good. Your ego is still intact."

"In-_tact_ may be putting it mildly. I don't know much about human deities, but from the sheer number of 'oh my god's you were throwing out I'm starting to think I might **be** one."

"Lord," she said, covering her face with her hands, slightly muffling her words. "There will be no living with you after this."

"You mean living with all six-foot-four of solidified handsome?"

"Can't you go back to being insecure about your torn up face?"

He stretched his arms above his head with a smile. "Nope," he said while he stretched. "Much too late for that."

She rolled onto her stomach, holding herself up on her elbows so she could look at him. He put his hands behind his head and looked down at her, her messy flame colored hair fell around her shoulders and her bright eyes were full of the laughter she was keeping down.

"Hey," she said, tilting her head to the side.

"Hey," he said back.

"No regrets?"

"You mean besides the fact that I can't seem to dig the pieces of your wall out of my nails?" He held up his left hand and wiggled his fingers, showing her the white pieces of drywall down in his talons. She laughed and rested her cheek against his chest and he gently ran his hand over the top of her head. "No Jane. No regrets."

She sighed against his chest and smiled, that same old smile of hers. He reached down and ran his fingers through her curls. Lord, she was a sight.

"What?" she asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"You're staring at me."

"I was just thinking," he admitted, tilting his head to the side. "You look better right now, still covered in sweat and just waking up, than most women do after three hours of prep work."

"Oh shut up," she said, sitting up and brushing him off. He saw how it embarrassed her and he liked it. He watched as she scooted away and tried to find something to busy herself and he sat up against the wall and reached out to take her shoulder and pull her backwards. She looked up at him from his lap and her cocked eyebrow told him she was not amused.

"Crew's still asleep," he rumbled. "Don't act like you suddenly have a pressing appointment."

"What, you suddenly get to boss me around now?"

"Whatever blows your skirt up."

"God damn it, I hate you."

"Mmm hmm, I'm sure."

She smiled as he started to twist his fingers through her hair again. The whole concept of it still fascinated him. It was like she had a million pieces of string embedded into her scalp. Spirits, humans were weird.

"So what happens now?" she asked.

"Now we go get our people back."

"Not that," she said, shifting uncomfortably. "With us."

"I don't follow. Do you want to tell the crew or something?"

"Oh god, no," she said putting her hands over her face. "That's just what I need."

"Well then we just go on as normal then, which is what I'd assumed."

"So we act just like we always do around each other?"

"Sure. Except now I get to punch people who flirt with you."

"Oh stop," she demanded, though she was putting in significant effort not to show how that pleased her. "You can't punch_ everyone _that flirts with me."

"That sounds an awful lot like a challenge."

"I assure you that it's not," she said with a grin. "Though I never pegged you for the jealous type."

"Mmmmm I wouldn't call it _jealousy… _Possessiveness, maybe."

"I don't see the difference."

"Jealousy is… suspicion or fear of a rival. And that's not my problem so much as I don't like people touching what's mine."

Her smile made him smile.

"Yours hmm?" she sat up casually and stretched her arms over her head before standing. "Then why did you never punch Kaidan?"

She was just wearing her bra and underwear as she made her way toward the bathroom, and Garrus watched her back and shoulder muscles move as he spoke.

"Yes, well," he said clearing his throat. "You weren't _mine_ back then."

She laughed and turned to look at him over her shoulder from the doorway of the bathroom.

"I beg to differ," she said, giving him a smile that would have made a corpse breath hard. She reached back and unclasped her bra, and Garrus just managed to see it hit the floor before the door slid shut behind her. The sound of the shower turning on whistled in the distance, but he barely noticed.

He sat there in stunned silence for a few more minutes as he let the sight bounce through his memory. It was unusual to him, alien almost. The human form was never particularly attractive to him, and in fact he still wasn't particularly fond of it. But something about Shepard, the lines of her sides, the muscles in her legs and shoulders, just the sight of it made his blood hot under his skin. This probably wasn't the mindset he should be in hours before a potentially deadly mission, but he certainly wasn't complaining.

"Hey, Ugly," her voice echoed from inside the bathroom. It snapped him out of his thoughts. He shook his head like it would help him snap out of it.

"Yeah, Bug," he called back.

"Didn't you say you were cold?"

Well… that was all the invitation he needed.

* * *

><p>"Thirty minute warning, Commander," Joker said over the speakers.<p>

Garrus was sitting on the edge of Shepard's bed, facing the fish tanks, as he pulled on his boots. He sighed and turned over his shoulder to look at her coming out of the bathroom. Her casuals were completely buttoned and perfect, her hair was pulled back into a tight knot, and a dark halo hung around her head like a cloud. He stood and went to her. The weight this had on her had to be heavier than anything Garrus was familiar with. He reached a hand onto her shoulder, hoping it was comforting.

"This is all your fault," she said, looking up at him.

Well that wasn't what he'd expected to hear.

"Beg pardon?"

"This fear," she snapped.

"We're all afraid," he started.

"I'm not supposed to be. Not for myself, anyway."

He narrowed his eyes in confusion and drawled out his words. "I…don't follow you."

"Sure I was afraid we were going to fail, that none of us were coming back. But I've never been afraid for me. I've never been afraid of dying." She exhaled and rubbed her forehead. "Self-preservation is usually so far down my list of shit I need to worry about in a critical mission it never comes up. I was fully prepared to die saving our people." She looked back up at him, and the fear in her eyes was apparent. "Then here you are… very rudely giving me something to live for."

He smiled and ran his fingers down the length of her jaw.

"I can't shake the feeling that you want me to apologize, but I won't do it. I've been trying to get you to show some self-preservation since the beginning."

She gave him a humorless laugh and let her head fall onto his chest. Instinctively his hands went to her shoulders, like they always did.

"It's not right," she said softly. "I have no right to put my life in front of theirs."

"I disagree. And that's not just my personal bias talking, the mission doesn't continue without you."

"Sure it would," she said with a shrug. "You could lead them."

He moved his hand to her face and lifted it so she would look up at him, a severity flashing across his features with a flutter of his mandibles.

"I won't need to," he said coldly. "Nothing is going to happen to you."

"And what if it does?"

"Then you'd best be prepared for company."

She smiled, sadly, and nudged his face with hers.

Garrus pulled her by her neck and kissed her like he was never going to get another chance. It was hard; it was possessive; and he felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle under the sensation. He would make sure that she came back, the fate of the galaxy may well have depended on it. But, like he always did, Garrus knew the score. And if he was going to die making sure she lived, he wanted her to remember him; he wanted her to remember _them._

They exhaled against each other and Garrus rested his brow against hers.

"You've taken on the impossible before," he said, pulling away. "It's time to do it again."

She laughed as they headed toward the door and loaded onto the elevator.

"Just like old times?" She said, nudging him with her elbow.

He entwined his fingers in hers and raised them to his face to put a small kiss on the back of her hand.

"Maybe not _exactly _like old times."

_**The End**_


	51. UPDATE!

_**UPDATE!**_

Hey guys, I'm sorry about this I know you probably all got your hopes up about there being a new chapter, but I had to figure out a way to get the word out to everyone who isn't following along on my social media or my website.

Almost every day I get messages and comments from people who love this story and are anxiously awaiting the next installments. I get so many of them that I literally just don't have the time to reply to them all (especially now).

The two sequels I have planned for this story won't get written until after I completely my current Dragon Age story, and now it's looking like I might not be able to write them at all.

For more information, you should go to my profile and check out the blog post I put up explaining everything. If you're curious about the future of this story, my other stories, or my videos/blogs, you should really really PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go read it.

Again, sorry for the fake-out chapter, I just didn't know how else to get an alert to everyone.

Thank you all for your continued support over the years. I love you guys.

Lovelovelove

Roarkshop


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